Goodbyes On The Balcony
by ByeByeBirdie
Summary: Three years after Hogwarts, James and Lily are back with old and new friends by their side. Their lives are motivated by fear, their world surrounded by immense danger. They are just trying to keep themselves and their loved ones safe, but that is a lot easier said than done when it appears Lord Voldemort has his sights set on destroying them.
1. Of Weddings, Marriage, & Love

**A/N: **I hear the sound of cheering, of loud clapping, of excited squeals and gasps. I see the eyes lighting up, the smiles beaming in anticipation. I know you are all sighing in relief. Because after two years, the sequel is now finally being posted! Alas, the time has come where I feel proud of what I've written enough to share it with all my fans. I know it's been a long-time coming! I won't say much else here because let's face it, you could care less. You just want to start reading. So please sit back, relax, and don't forget to immediately review once you have finished reading all 15,000 words. (And yes, I did just say 15,000 words!)

**Disclaimer: **The occasional character and plot line may be mine but I owe it all to the wonderfully written words of the talented Ms. J.K. Rowling

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 1: Of Weddings, Marriage, & Love

* * *

**++LILY++**

It was a sunny day in early November and surprisingly humid for that time of year. It had rained the night before, leaving behind a fresh smell of dew and soggy leaves. The trees were still full of bright colors, reds and oranges and yellows integrating seamlessly with the leftover greens of summer. The sun shone brightly through the leaves of the trees and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

It was a perfect day for a wedding.

A smile crept slowly on to my face as I watched the love of my life, James Potter, traipse up to the front of the room, all eyes following his every stride.

"Let's welcome the newlyweds!" he spoke, his voice amplified by a simple voice enhancement spell. He grinned giddily as the beautiful bride and groom, two people that I have grown to love and respect and who I think of as family, entered the room from the side door. "What a Wonderful World" filled the Potter Manor ballroom (yes, Potter Manor has a ballroom) thanks to the band, and the bride stepped into the groom's arms. James headed back to our table but his eyes were focused in on the happy couple the entire way.

He bent down to lay a light kiss against my cheek and I reached for his hand with a loving smile, my emerald green eyes sparkling with glee. "I can't believe they're getting married," I muttered with a dreamy sigh. "After everything they've been through, I was certain we would never see this day."

"I think the stranger thing about this wedding," Remus Lupin chimed in, walking over with a tray of drinks for the table. We all reached for the respective choice of alcohol. I nursed my white wine while gazing up at Remus intently, wondering what he thought of as strange. "Is the fact that they beat everyone to the punch." He flashed everyone a smile to show that it was meant as a joke, while on the inside, I knew his heart ached as he was reminded of his own wedding day. A day that didn't end up with a wedding at all. I didn't let the flicker of resentment on Remus' face go unnoticed.

"No," Kay Richards, my best friend for ten years and always the one to ease an awkward tension, argued from James' left, "I think the stranger thing is that they beat _Lily and James _to the punch."

My heart skipped a beat of irritation. I flashed her a frantic, impatient look but before she could respond, James chimed in, "We're only twenty-one years old, Kay," James said. I knew that he was hoping that the tone of his voice was steady and didn't show his panic, but I could see right through the façade. "We have plenty of time for marriage."

"Well, it took you two six and a half years, including three snog sessions and a full-blown fist fight before getting together," Remus reminded his best friend.

"Yeah," Lance Gilmore, his arm draped over Kay's shoulder tenderly, agreed, "What are you waiting for now? For Lily to break your leg?"

The table erupted in a light round of laughter and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him. Lance and I have really only known each other for three years but seeing as he was planning a wedding with my best friend, he had become a fast friend pretty quickly.

"Why don't we focus on this wedding before planning ours?" James replied once the laughter died down, turning his concentration back on the happy couple on the dance floor. The song had ended and now others were joining the bride and groom on the dance floor as "Build Me Up Buttercup" started to fill the room.

"This isn't the only wedding you two have to worry about," Kay said hastily, giving me a stern look, one softened with appreciation. "You _are _my Maid of Honor, remember."

My heart fluttered once again. "How could I forget?" I drawled wryly. "You're constantly sticking your head in my fireplace at all hours of the night and screaming to remind me about my upcoming duties. Like I'd ever forget anything. You'd kill me with your bare hands if I did."

Kay grinned sheepishly. "And I love your exceptional knack for remembering every little detail that I relay to you."

"Hm," I said, smiling warily. "Maybe that's why I seem to be the number one choice for Maid of Honors these days. I would have appreciated a break between this wedding and your wedding. Why am I so well-liked by everyone?" I groaned, attaching a light chuckle on the end of my question.

"Maybe you need to find friends who have sisters to be their Maids of Honor," Lance suggested with a shrug.

"Kay has a sister," Peter Pettigrew pointed out.

Kay winced. "Only in the strictest sense of the word."

I couldn't help but laugh. I tried remembering the last time Kay and her sister spoke but came up blank. They used to be close, but once Kay's sister got married two years earlier, she seemed to have left the rest of her family behind to start a new one. I let my gaze linger on Lance, a sense of feigned irritation on my face. "You couldn't have waited ten months to propose, hence giving me a little break from Maid of Honor duty?"

Lance smiled sheepishly, sipping his beer slowly. He glanced up at me and I sensed hesitance, as if he were biting his tongue so as not to say what he wanted to say. I raised my right eyebrow curiously to give him the universal sign for him to go ahead. He shrugged curtly, sighed and murmured bluntly, "Sounds to me as if you're not bitter about getting a break, but more bitter about being on the Maid of Honor side of a wedding and _not _the bride side."

Damn him for always saying what's on his mind. I frowned, but James jumped in before I could retort.

"Hey, now," James warned immediately, giving one of his surrogate brothers a displeased glare. "That sounds like an attack on me, not Lily."

"It wasn't an attack," Lance clarified. "It was an observation."

"Well, go observe someone else," he whined.

I remained silent during their verbal quarrel, uncertain what to make of it. James was quite skillful in changing the subject every time the topic of proposals or marriage came up. And hell, I didn't even know if I was ready to get married. But I did know that I wanted to get married one day. I wasn't so sure James felt the same. Somewhere over the past four years, we both dove headfirst into their work and suddenly, that became the priority. Breaking dates and staying up until midnight to finish a deadline became more important. When we first broke into our careers that was expected. We had to work hard in order to become successful. But ever since I had been promoted a year earlier and ever since James had graduated from the Auror recruitment apprenticeship, I had thought that things would finally go back to normal. When I was with James, it was as if nothing had changed. It was like we were back to being those giggly, horny teenagers. But with James in the field nearly twice a week and helping Dumbledore with whatever Order mission he needed and going off on dangerous Auror missions, and then you had me on business trips to the North American Ministry, the times we were together were far and few between. I knew that James took another big hit when Jaron died and I knew there was nothing I could do to ease that pain, but it was hard being there for him at all when he was barely around. I knew he led a fast-based, dangerous life and that frightened him. Hell, it frightened me. I just wanted to know that everything was going to be okay.

I simply reached over and squeezed James' hand. No matter what we were going through, I was always going to love him. And that's all that really mattered to me.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I fixed my glance on my girlfriend, hoping that she wasn't bothered by Lance's comment. I tried scrambling for a subject change, but thankfully, Lily swooped in and did it instead.

Lily's eyes fell on the bride and groom. "Merlin, she looks absolutely gorgeous, doesn't she?" she muttered.

Everyone at the table nodded simultaneously. "Well, who wouldn't in a satin beaded ball gown with a sweetheart neckline," Lance pointed out.

All eyes were on Lance, wide in surprise.

"What?" Lance said, shrugging. He squeezed his fiancée's shoulder. "This girl babbled on about it for months!"

"And you actually listened?" I snorted, shaking my head shamefully.

Lily smacked me on the shoulder with a laugh. "At least Lance didn't complain about the cost of a dress for three months straight."

"800 galleons is about 700 galleons too much to pay for a dress that she's going to wear once!" I said huffily.

Lily shook her head, a hint of a smile on her face. She captured my gaze before turning back towards Kay. "I say that Lance is definitely a keeper."

"Why would she want to keep a gay guy?" I joked, ducking as Lance's cloth napkin came soaring towards me. Glancing over at Lily, who was looking so gorgeous in a beautiful chiffon deep purple gown, I decided it was time to ask her to dance. I stood up abruptly and presented my hand to Lily's. "C'mon, let's dance."

The shocked look on her face earned a laugh from the table. "You don't dance, James," she reminded me.

I snickered, contemplating the last time the two of us had danced. I smiled at the memory of us dancing to "That's What Friends are For" the last night we all spent at Sirius' uncle's house the summer after we all graduated from Hogwarts. We had spent the earlier part of that particular day packing up the house, all wishing that our lives as real-world civilians didn't have to start so soon. It was a muggy August day, a day that led to a huge rainstorm hitting the South of England and stripped us of power. We had spent the entire night playing old board games by candelight and drinking what was left of the alcohol in the house. Since we were boarding up the house the next day, it only made sense to drink the night away. One by one, everyone trickled upstairs to bed, leaving me and Lily alone downstairs. I surprised Lily by jumping to my feet and demanding that she dance with me. I know that it probably looked like some overly romantic gesture to her, but it was just an impulse. We were about to start the rest of their lives; we didn't know what our jobs would bring us. Lily was starting her job the following day and beginning a long journey as a successful professional and in a week, I was starting the Auror training program and heading down a long road of trainings and mission trips. On that last night at Sirius' summer night, I just wanted to remember the people that Lily and I used to be.

I simply shrugged and smiled down at Lily, remembering the way her hair had glimmered in the candlelight that night and the way her green eyes sparkled in awe. It was in these few moments that I wondered why I didn't just jump in headfirst and ask her to marry me.

"I do now," I said. "I can't let such a beautiful girl sit in the corner when everyone else is up and dancing the night away."

Lily was smiling and I had a feeling that it was these little romantic quirks that made her realize how much we still loved each other, even four years later.

"I change my mind," Kay joked. "_He's _a keeper."

Lance pouted. "Maybe I was waiting for the conga line."

Kay chuckled and leaned over to give her fiancé a sweet kiss, letting it linger a second longer than she anticipated. "How romantic of you," she teased.

"Come on," he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her off the chair. "Let's go show James how a _real _man dances."

"But where are we going to find a real man in such short notice?" I said with a wistful sigh, winking playfully at the couple as I led Lily towards the dance floor.

Lance flipped me off before skipping out towards the dance floor as well, Kay directly behind him. In just a few seconds, a whimsical Remus and Peter reluctantly joined us.

Lily laughed as Lance mocked my wild dancing style, and I suddenly felt grateful for the wedding as an excuse to bring us all together without one of us backing out. Every other Friday, our gang, a group of people that had seemed to expand over the past four years, tried to meet at a central location for Friday Night Dinner. Unfortunately, more often than not, some of us were forced to miss it because of a business meeting or a business trip or an Order of the Phoenix meeting or important wedding plans or a family dinner or a date that tore them from spending time with their friends. This Saturday evening was different, I concluded.

That Saturday evening, I noticed the worry lines on my friends' faces disappear. I noticed the wary frowns on their faces turn into giddy smiles. I stopped worrying about silencing Voldemort for good and not only put a smile on my face but actually felt happy for once. I watched as Lily stopped wondering where her relationship with me was going and just let me hold her hand as if we weren't slipping away from each other. Kay stopped thinking about floral arrangements and the color of the bridesmaids dresses and let herself think of someone else's wedding. Remus stopped reflecting on his days with Jillian and started considering the future that he had to live without her. I watched as Peter stopped wondering if he was simply destined to manage a bar for the rest of his life and started to just live in the present. And I looked at Sirius who was…well, Sirius was busy snogging in the corner of the room as usual. My worries all disappeared when I was around my friends and I stopped harping on the past. I knew I could count on my friends to remind me to smile. I depended on them more than they will ever know. They were my rock during a time I needed them most.

As I playfully twirled my beautiful girlfriend around in my arms, I was interrupted by Sirius bouncing over to us. "Hey guys!" he greeted. "Don't you just love weddings?"

"You have lipstick smeared on your cheek," Lily responded, rolling her eyes as I spun her around.

He shrugged, not bothering to attempt to wipe it off as he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Jealous, are you?" he teased, pinching her cheek.

She groaned, shoving him away. "Hardly!"

He chuckled, his eyes turning away from the scrutiny in my girlfriend's eyes. "Wow. Dezzy and Drew sure make a happy couple, don't they?" he said with a strained smile, glancing over at the bride and groom.

"Yes," I agreed, genuinely happy for my baby sister. "Marriage will suit them."

Sirius naturally put his two cents in. "Why anyone would want to get married is beyond me."

"Yeah, because living a life of solitary bachelorhood is _so _much better," Lily drawled dryly, giving one of her oldest friends a look.

"I _like _solitude," Sirius shot back.

Lily knew to keep her mouth shut, encouraged by the warning glare I sent her. She flashed Sirius a strained smile and said flippantly, "You _especially _seem to enjoy solitude with that bridesmaid over there. I think she's expecting you back."

Sirius grinned sheepishly and glanced in her direction, where the girl was eyeing him seductively huddled in the entranceway to the ballroom. "Enjoy the rest of your night, mates," he said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. "Merlin knows _I _will be." He waved dismissively and we watched him lead the girl out of the ballroom presumably up to his bedroom.

After Hogwarts, my mother insisted that I take Potter Manor to claim as my own home and she moved into Brite's old flat. Oddly enough, she felt like that flat was a piece of him that she wanted to hold on to, not stray away from. Since I was going to be an Auror, she thought it was fitting that I lived on Auror Row, a strip of mansions on the outskirts of Godric's Hollow all owned by Aurors. After Sirius felt the need to sell his uncle's summer home, it didn't take much for me to convince Sirius to move in with me. I was used to living in the house with seven other people and sometimes, it felt lonely. Remus quickly moved in, too, seeing as he was unemployed that September. It took him a year to find a steady job and after another year went by, he had moved in with Jillian. He had thought, we _all _had thought, that he and Jillian would be together forever but after Jillian left Remus, Remus knew there was no way he could stay in the flat that he and she had owned together. So once again, Potter Manor was inhabited by three of the Marauders. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

It was after three o'clock in the morning when the last guest departed from the ballroom. Remus had disappeared much earlier to escape to his bedroom. He didn't say why, but we all knew it had something to do with the fact that it was hard for Remus to be at a wedding knowing that his never occurred.

One glance around the ballroom and I suddenly wondered why I thought holding the reception here was a good idea. "This place is a dump," I groaned, shaking my head in disbelief. "Why do Dezzy and Drew know so many people?"

Lily chuckled, throwing her arms around my shoulders from behind, kissing the nape of my neck. "All in all, this wedding was pretty damned fun," she muttered, her words slurring slightly.

"I think that's the booze talking," I laughed, kissing her wrist as I squeezed her hands adoringly.

She smiled and whispered in my ear, "I think we can wait until morning to clean this place up."

I immediately hardened at her hot breath on my ear. I turned around and surprised Lily for the second time that evening by reaching down and hoisting her up in my arms. I dragged her to the living room and threw her down on to the couch, earning a giggle from her. I climbed on top of her, leaving a trail of hot kisses down her jawline, ferociously moving towards her mouth. I lusted for her as much now as I did as a horny teenager. "How attached are you to that dress?" I whispered hungrily in her ear.

"It's a poufy dress with a flowery ribbon. I'm never wearing this thing ever again," she chuckled. Seconds later, I was ripping it off her body, discarding it aimlessly to the floor.

She moaned and pulled my shirt over my head, throwing it to the floor as I massaged her breasts gently, kissing Lily briefly on the mouth, leaving her wanting more.

Neither of us had heard the footsteps coming up from behind. Lily yelped when she saw Sirius leaning over the couch. "Oops," he said, grinning sheepishly. "You've got one hot body, Lily-bean."

Lily blushed furiously. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to sneak up on people?" she groaned, grabbing a couch pillow and throwing it over her half-naked body as I climbed off of her, desperately trying to hide the full-blown erection from my best friend with another pillow. What I really wanted to do with the pillow was suffocate Sirius for interrupting.

"And what's the fun in that?" he teased. "I'm looking for the whipped cream."

"That is disturbing on so many levels," Lily said dryly, rolling her eyes.

Sirius slowly quirked an eyebrow. "At least I'm not going at it like overly stimulated rabbits in a room that anyone could just walk into."

"You have absolutely no tact," I said, laughing lightly.

"Not at all," Sirius agreed, shrugging. "So where is the whipped cream?"

"Not in the fridge?"

He shook his head.

"Check the ballroom. I wouldn't put it past my sister to have used it on her wedding cake," I chuckled.

"Did Remus finish off all of the chocolate sauce last night on his ice cream?"

Lily threw up her hands. "Have you ever _not _been a horny pervert?" she said, flashing him a smile.

Sirius hesitated, dramatically thinking back. "Hm. Yes. But only for about a minute."

"Who's the lucky lady tonight?" Lily inquired curiously. "That floozy you were with earlier?"

He shook his head, though I saw him wince slightly at the word 'floozy.' "Nah, she took off earlier," he pouted. "Right now, Skyler's in my room."

Lily gawked at him. "Skyler? As in Skyler Swenson? Isn't she engaged?" she groaned.

"Not after tonight she won't be," he snorted, flashing her a cheeky grin.

I cringed, recognizing the disturbed, disappointed look on Lily's face. "That is so immoral," Lily argued, her lips forming a firm, thin line.

Sirius shrugged, blowing her frustration off. Which he often did. "Whoever said I was a moral guy?" he snorted.

"No one," Lily said a bit too quickly.

There was a slight waver in Sirius' suave smile, but he simply rolled his eyes. He turned around and skipped out of the room, crying over his shoulder, "Don't forget the contraception charm!"

"Look who's talking!" I responded back, but Sirius was already out of earshot.

Lily gazed over at me, an amused smile on her face. "Why does Sirius always have such untimely arrivals?"

"I think he has a sixth sense about our nakedness," I said, letting my lips linger across her bare shoulder.

Lily smiled, but it was forced. There was a flicker of frustration in her eye and I called her out on it. "Sirius is just being Sirius, y'know."

She frowned. "I'm getting a bit tired of hearing the whole 'boys will be boys' mantra," she murmured, a low grunt emitting from her lips. "Sirius is better than that."

I nodded, knowing she was right. But I knew Sirius well. And I had a feeling that sometimes it was easier for him to just be the bad guy. "He doesn't think he is," I murmured.

She turned away and I sensed hesitance. I knew that she hated the way Sirius treated women and as a result, treated himself_, _but there wasn't much anyone could do. "I think he does know he's better than the person he is," she argued. "He just doesn't want to try."

I sighed. "I know," I agreed. "But-"

"There is no but, James," she interrupted, turning her gaze on me. Her gaze was hard and determined. She swallowed hard and said softly, "It's been three and a half years. He can't use her as an excuse anymore."

My heart skipped a beat. I knew she was alluding to Riley Gilmore and my stomach tightened at the very thought of her. I steered the conversation away from her. "It's not an excuse. This is his life. Emphasis on the word _'his,_'" I reminded her.

She pursed her lips and I knew she was realizing that it was futile. No matter what she thought, she wouldn't be able to change Sirius' habits. She eventually smiled. "You're right. It's his life," she said confidently. She gazed up at me, lust pouring out of her eyes and I hardened just by taking one look into her eyes. "There's no need to think about him when we've got other things on our mind," she whispered, planting a gentle kiss against my soft lips. "I love you, James," she murmured.

"I know," I whispered seductively, my eyes fixed defiantly on hers.

Her eyes smiled with mystery and she threw the pillow off of her, unclipping her bra and exposing her perky breasts.

"I love you, too, Lily."

We made love on the couch that night without another interruption.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

Skyler was cute I guess. And she certainly was a good kisser. But I was glad when she left my room. That always seems to be my favorite part of the sex: when they walked out the door and I never had to deal with them again. Does that make me heartless? Does that make me a coward? Does that make me callous? Yes, probably. And I'm sure that Lily would love to tell me so, but what she didn't realize is the fact that I already knew it. I just stopped caring a long time ago.

I hated weddings. Always have. Always will. Why anyone would want to spend the rest of their life with one person is beyond me. Love is simply a crock. A joke. It doesn't really exist. It's just a fabrication. Sooner or later, people wake up and realize that love is nothing but a fleeting obsession.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against my friends if that's the path in life they want to choose. I think that Dezzy and Drew make the cutest couple—I watched as they grew up into the people they are today and a part of me is proud to see how far they've come. I believe that Kay and Lance will be one of the few couples that will last into their eighties. And I think that if James can get over his fear of commitment and Lily could realize that she's worthy of love, they will be the ultimate power couple. They are the couple that everyone seems to strive to be. Except me.

Love has never been and never will be for me. I refuse to fall for it again. I did it once and it failed me. All love is, is pain.

I grabbed the near-empty beer on my end table and headed outside to my balcony to do what I do best: wallow in self-pity.

* * *

**++LILY++**

Without waking James, as if anything or anyone could ever stir James' from his deep slumber, I slipped out of Potter Manor just after sunset the next morning. I left the mansion by way of the ballroom, using my wand in order to clean and straighten the room out so as not to leave it to the three boys (because Merlin knows that if I left James, Sirius, and Remus in charge of cleaning the ballroom, the mess would still be there a year later). James thanked me later, but I didn't do it to earn a thank-you. I used it to immerse myself in my thoughts in the light morning glow of pinks and reds shining through the window.

During those rare occurrences when I had free time, my mind often wandered back to when I was at Hogwarts. It gave me some of my happiest moments and somehow, I regret not appreciating it more while I was there. Hogwarts gave to me my most whimsical and carefree times, those times when I was just sitting in the commons room painting my nails and laughing with Kay as she read the latest gossip column in _Witch Weekly_. There were the stolen moments with James just before bed when we would lie peacefully in each other's arms chatting aimlessly as if we had nothing else to live for but each other. Even those infrequent occasions when I would be convinced to sneak into Hogsmeade and a night of frivolity followed quickly after were times I missed. I lived my life with a bit of spontaneity back then, but in the past three years, I swore my life by a regime. We had all been different back then and while I could use the excuse that we were all just growing up and becoming adults, I knew it was something more.

Something changed all of us after Hogwarts and that something was Riley.

Riley Gilmore's unexpected departure caused us all to grow up a little faster than we all would have liked. Her disappearance in the middle of the night taught us that being carefree, whimsical, spontaneous teenagers didn't recant the forced ability to deal with the unpredictability that came with adulthood.

James took his adulthood more seriously than any of the rest of us did. He threw his life into his work and rarely came up for air. I knew that it was because at work, he had control, while he was never prepared for the awful incidents that kept materializing in his own unfortunate, misshapen world. But as the months and years slowly passed by, I wondered if there was going to be room for me in his unfortunate, misshapen world. I would never wish anyone on such a cruel string of events, first starting with Wyatt's disappearance, then Brite's unexpected death, next James' father leaving his mother, afterward Riley abandoning him, and then two years later, JT's kidnapping and murder. I loved James more than anything and was always willing to be there to hold his hand during the tragedies he was forced to live through. I just couldn't help but wonder if he was still willing to let me do that.

"Hey," a voice greeted from behind.

I jumped, snapping myself out of my past and back into reality. "You startled me."

"Sorry," Sirius cringed. "What are you doing?"

I gave him a look. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm cleaning."

"At five-thirty in the morning?"

I shrugged. "It has to be done some time."

"Want help?"

I glanced over my shoulder, offering a humorous smirk to Sirius. "Since when have you ever been privy to clean-up duty?"

"Since now," Sirius argued, stifling a yawn. While he'd never admit it, I knew that he had become something of an insomniac over the years and found himself awake on most days before his two roommates, which was definitely not reminiscent of Hogwarts. He pulled out his wand and started clearing plates from the tables, sending them into the kitchen.

"Don't you have some bridesmaid waiting for you in your bed?" I snickered, quirking an eyebrow.

He flinched. "No. She left ages ago."

"They always do."

He pursed his lips. "Yeah, and thank God for that," he argued, tensing up.

"Gee, it's a wonder any girl goes for you with that attitude," I snickered.

He glared at me and I knew enough to keep my mouth shut. "Why don't we stop insulting me and start talking about what's running through your mind?"

I quirked a confused eyebrow. "Hm?"

He shrugged. "You seemed pretty deep in thought when I sauntered in. Want to hint as to why?"

I opened my mouth to brush it off, but when I glanced up at him, I saw genuine concern. While Sirius and I didn't always agree on everything, he has been there for me every step of the way. And he more than anyone could probably understand what I've been so worried about lately. I said slowly, "I was just thinking about…about the past."

Sirius sent me an inquisitive glance over his shoulder. "Could you be less vague?" he said with a sardonic smile.

I sighed, uncertain how to do so. I took my time folding tablecloths before asking, "Do you ever wish you could just go back to…to the time you spent at Hogwarts?"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat and his gaze slowly met mine. "Every day," he admitted in a hoarse whisper. "You?"

The lump in my throat prevented me from responding, so I simply nodded. I'm sure the look on my face told Sirius all he really needed to know.

"But we were young and naïve back then," Sirius explained hastily, shaking his head skeptically.

"Why is that a 'but?'" I asked curiously.

"We were different people," Sirius sighed, lowering his wand from the string of lights as he turned to face me, "We lived through our impulses by the _hour_, even _minutes, _without a care in the world. And now? Well, we have jobs to go to and rent to pay and food to buy and real lives to live. We have a responsibility to ourselves _not _to be carefree. We go through the expected routine on a daily basis, not necessarily because we enjoy it but because we have to live through the day in order to reach the next."

"What are you getting at?" I asked curiously, a hint of panic in my voice. It was as if he had been reading my mind.

He shrugged casually, shooting a peek my way. "The question that you want to ask is not whether or not we would want to return to our Hogwarts days, it's whether or not we would want to return to the people we used to be."

I nodded slowly, knowing he was right. Life was an easier time back then. I knew that we were all happier even if we'd never admit it. We had everything we had wanted back then: each other. And after three years had passed, getting together with everyone was a lot harder than it used to be. Especially since one of us had disappeared without so much as an explanation. "Well, seeing as it could never happen, there's really no reason to speculate," I murmured.

Sirius shrugged. "Yes, time travel is nearly impossible," he reiterated. "Doesn't make letting go of the people we used to be any easier."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah," I muttered, biting down on my bottom lip which I often did when feeling slightly vulnerable. I was going to leave it at that, but found myself admitting aloud, "Sometimes I miss the girl I was back then."

I felt Sirius' knowing gaze looking through me. "You'll get her back one day," Sirius insisted.

"How do you know?" I murmured achingly.

He grinned, winking at me. "Because you've never met a challenge that you couldn't overcome, Lily-bean."

A lopsided, wary smile spread across my face. "Don't ever stop calling me Lily-bean."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

I kissed Sirius on the cheek before exiting the room and heading back to my own flat. I never asked Sirius if he missed the person he used to be because he would come up with some excuse as to why he didn't and I knew that it would be a lie.

Because the truth was, the day that Riley had left, so, too, did the person Sirius Black used to be.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

I didn't get much sleep that night. Every time I was close to drifting off, some sort of reminder of my past relationship with Jillian crept into my mind.

I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was nearing eight o'clock in the morning. I crawled out of bed and headed into James' room. I noted that his bed was empty and wondered if he spent the night at Lily's. Which would seem rather counterproductive considering they had already been here. I was about to head out when a small barnyard owl swooped in through his window.

I found James sleeping on the downstairs couch, barely covered at all. I made a face and kicked him in the shin, earning a groan from underneath the mountain of pillows. I threw the letter on top of him. "James, your mother is on her way over and I think she'd appreciate you putting on some clothes first."

James popped his head up from the couch. "Why is my mother coming over?"

"To do what your mother does best," I snorted. "Clean."

"Ahh, right. The ballroom," James murmured. He stifled a yawn and slowly sat up. "It was Dezzy's and Drew's party. Shouldn't they be forced to clean it all up?"

"First of all, Drew and Dezzy are a little busy on their month-long backpacking honeymoon through South America. Second of all, a wedding should never be referred to as a _party_," I groaned, shaking my head at one of my oldest friends. "Keep that in mind if and when you ever propose to that saint of a girlfriend of yours."

"Why, pray tell, are you illustrating Lily as a saint?" James asked curiously. He searched for his shirt and when he found it hanging over the edge of the coffee table, threw it over his head.

"Don't you think it's time you got your sorry ass together and asked the girl to marry you? She isn't going to wait around forever," I sighed. I noticed the hesitant fear in Lily's eyes when she was often around James, wondering when he was going to suggest a step up in their relationship. And I saw the panicked look in James' eye every time the subject came up.

"Sure she is," James mumbled. "She's waited almost four years, hasn't she?"

A shadow loomed in the doorway. "Four years too long if you ask me."

"No one asked you, Padfoot," James snapped, reaching for his boxers that were half-crammed under the couch.

"That's not true," Sirius argued. "She asked me."

James gazed up at Sirius, confused and disoriented. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, not in so many words," Sirius contested with a shrug, but he went on to explain the conversation he held with her this morning. He noted that there was something distant and amiss in Lily's voice and how he had an inkling that it had more to do with the way she and James used to be more than the person _she _used to be.

"So she was feeling nostalgic this morning. Big deal," James said, unable to stifle a fat yawn.

"What is your problem, James?" I growled, glaring at him. Whenever the idea of marriage came up, James often became distant and slightly disconcerting and it was beginning to get to all of us.

"My problem is the fact that my mother is arriving any minute and my living room is strewn with my last night's clothes!" James argued, shaking his head irritably at the two of us.

"Yeah, and you smell like sex, too," Sirius drawled.

"Oh, so _this _is that smell you reek of every night," James chided, rolling his eyes. He collected the rest of his clothing and banished them upstairs. He summoned a pair of jeans from upstairs and threw them on before heading into the kitchen, clearly in desperate need of a cup of coffee.

"Don't change the subject," I argued firmly, hoisting himself up on to the kitchen counter, handing James the box of coffee filters. "Why are you so scared to marry Lily?"

"Don't go putting words in my mouth, Lupin," James grunted, his eyes narrowing in his usual cautionary way. "I ain't scared to do anything."

I rolled my eyes. "No, you're scared of something," I contested.

"Oh, shut up," James whined, throwing the coffee grounds into the pot. "It's too early in the morning for a psychology lesson."

Sirius reached for the coffee pot and filled it with water, giving James an inquisitive look, hastily turning away when James noticed him leering.

"_What_?" James asked, exasperated.

"I didn't say anything," Sirius murmured.

"No, but you have this look on your face that says you have a feeling you know something about myself that I probably already know but am too afraid to admit because as my best friend you always seems to know me sometimes better than I know myself, however you're hesitant to bring it up because I might punch you," James explained, grabbing the pot out of Sirius' hand.

Sirius blinked. "Come again?"

James shrugged coolly. "You have very expressive looks."

"I didn't realize I had such expressive looks," he snorted.

James rolled his eyes. "Sirius, what the hell do you want to say to me?"

Sirius exchanged a quick glance with me and I simply shrugged. Sirius turned back to James with a sigh. "Dezzy got married yesterday, did she not?"

"That's not some sort of trick question, is it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying if your sister can get over her fears, you can, too. You two have been through a lot and-"

"My sister has a mind of her own, thank you very much," said James defensively. "And so do I. If she thought marrying Drew was right for her, congratulations to her."

"But you don't think marrying Lily is right for you?" I filled in the blank.

James glared at me. "This is my sister's weekend. How about we don't turn it around on me?"

"James, I-"

"I'll be in the study," he mumbled, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Without bothering to put sugar or milk in it, he swiftly left the room without so much as another glance towards the two of us.

"James," I pleaded.

James cut me off. "I've got work to do."

When he was out of earshot, Sirius turned to me. "Do you think James believes marriage is futile?"

"I don't know," I admitted with a shrug. "He's so good at changing the subject every time it's brought up."

I wondered if being an Auror had finally caught up to James. He dealt with death every day. He watched as families crumbled in the face of tragedy and I had a feeling that while it was easy to blame his hesitance on the failed relationships that had directly affected him and those around me, it was the utter disaster he dealt with on a daily basis that was really causing him to run scared.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I slowly sunk into the study chair feeling defeated and downtrodden and thought about the past three and a half years with the girl that I had fallen in love with. I wasn't ready to discuss marriage and I prayed that neither was Lily. Too much was going on in my life for me to focus on her and she deserved to be focused on. My life had become complete chaos for the past three years and while she was the main reason I've been able to keep my head above water, that didn't change the fact that my entire life was a whirlwind of turmoil. I knew that sometime in the near future, Lily would question my intentions for the future. And I also knew that I couldn't lie to her. I couldn't let her go on thinking that I wanted something I didn't. Someday soon, I would have to tell Lily that I wasn't so sure marriage was for me.

I prayed that that wouldn't be the moment when Lily left me for good.

I dove headfirst into a pile of paperwork that I had been putting off for a few weeks. Work did often become my reason to ignore everything else going on in my life, not that I'd admit that to anyone. The only time I really stopped worrying about myself and where my life was heading was when I was focusing on my career. It was hard worrying about my own future while trying to run background checks on Death Eaters who had terminated so many people's lives who would never have a future to worry about.

There was a soft knock on my door and I smiled as my mother peeked her head in. She quirked an eyebrow, gazing at me with a peculiar look on her face. "You look so much like your father sitting at his old desk."

I frowned. The last person I wanted to look like was my father.

"I don't mean that in a bad way, honey," she quickly reassured, shaking her head. She fell into one of the large chairs sitting in front of the desk.

When my father left my mother, I know that she had been shattered. She put on a brave face and a fake smile and pretended that she was fine, but a thirty-year marriage had been ripped at the seams the day he packed a suitcase and whisked out of Potter Manor. And he never looked back. They had had their problems but she had loved him deeply. It may have seemed that he was married to his work, but I know that he never loved anyone like he had loved Mom. Whenever Dad had left for a business trip, Mom would recall the stories of their past. A time when things were easier and people like Voldemort didn't exist. The wizarding world was a lot less scary and people could focus on each other instead of the overwhelming paranoia. When he left, she didn't just lose a husband. She lost a piece of herself. But she'd never admit that and I'd never try and make her admit that.

"Your father was good at his job. And so are you," she said pointedly.

I leaned over the desk and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, Mom."

"But that doesn't mean you're going to turn out like him."

There was something in her voice that made me pause. "Damnit, you talked to Sirius and Remus, didn't you," I groaned, shaking my head in disbelief.

"They're worried about you."

"Yeah, well maybe they should be worried about themselves after what I do to them," I muttered angrily. I suddenly felt like I was eight years old and Brite had tattled on me for eating the last Oreo. Except this time, I didn't feel like I needed to be ashamed of anything.

"They were just trying to help."

"I don't need their help," I argued firmly. "And I don't need your help either. So thank you for whatever advice I'm sure you have up your sleeve, but I don't need it."

"I don't have any advice, son," she said with a shrug, leaning back in the chair that she had picked out for Dad's study thirty years earlier. "I can't tell you what to do. I certainly don't _need _to tell you what to do. I'm just here to clean up the ballroom."

I rolled my eyes, knowing she was holding back. My mother always had advice up her sleeve. "Well, I know it's been a while since you've lived here, but the ballroom is on the other side of the house."

She chuckled, giving me a look as she slowly got up off the chair. "I expect some help, Mister."

I laughed and closed the file in my hands. "Ah, yes, clean-up duty. The best part of hosting an event, hm?"

She grinned and linked arms with me, leading us out of the study. "James," she said in a soft voice and I knew that that advice that I so desperately didn't want to hear was about to come out in one form or another. "I just want you to know that I don't regret a single day with your father. If I knew what I knew now, I still wouldn't change a thing. I would marry your father again and I would live thirty excellent years with an excellent man again. Because even though he felt he needed to leave, I know that he loved me. And to me, love is enough."

I pursed my lips, choosing to remain silent. It wasn't advice but it was as close enough to it as she could get without stepping over the line I had drawn.

"I think it's your turn to figure out if love is enough or not," she said, patting my arm comfortingly.

Oops, spoke too soon. "I said no advice," I pouted.

She smiled sheepishly, shrugging. "I'm your mother. I'm allowed to give unsolicited advice."

I sighed as she steered me into the ballroom which was surprisingly cleaner than I had remembered it being.

As I took my wand out of my pocket and started cleaning up the plates on the tables, I couldn't help contemplate my mother's words. I wanted so desperately to believe that love was enough. That love could conquer all. But it was hard remaining positive after so much love had been lost in the people around me. And what's worse, I've seen firsthand that love _can't _conquer all. It appears only Voldemort could do that.

I was scared. I'd never admit it to anyone, but I was frightened out of my damned mind. Not because I was afraid of marriage. But because I was afraid of letting someone else into my life wholeheartedly. I had already lost so many people I loved and every day on the job, I saw others losing the people that they loved. Keeping a safe distance from Lily seemed easier for me. Maybe I was being childish and maybe I was being passive aggressive, but I couldn't imagine the feeling I would get if one day she realized I wasn't worth her time. To me, marriage was supposed to be absolute. Instead, I was beginning to wonder if it was just a big letdown.

* * *

**++KAY++**

As I awoke the next morning in the arms of my amazing fiancé, I was struck by how much I thoroughly enjoyed weddings. To me, they're a reminder that there's still some good in the world. That there's still something worth celebrating. With all of the heartache and pain going on in the wizarding world, knowing that there was still long-lasting love lingering in our world was reassuring.

The moment Drew and Dezzy entered into their seventh year at Hogwarts, they began talking about marriage. I wasn't surprised. Those two had known each other for eighteen years. They didn't really want to have to spend another day apart if they didn't have to especially with all of the turmoil occurring in the wizarding world. Their wedding had originally been scheduled for August a year ago, only three months after their graduation, but when a Death Eater tortured Jaron to death only five days before the wedding, Dezzy and Drew postponed it for a year. Neither wanted to pretend they were happy nor did they want to force a smile on to their guests' faces when another tragedy had struck the Potter family and inside, they were all screaming.

I just hoped that Lance and I weren't the only ones following in Drew and Dezzy's footsteps. With all of the heartache we've had to endure, I knew it might be hard for some to believe in love. But instead of hiding from it, I embraced it. Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get through my day without knowing that Lance was waiting for me at the end of it.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

"Good morning, Janine," I greeted the Administrative Assistant in the Auror offices. I handed her a double mocha latte.

She smiled shyly. "What would I do without you?"

"Not get your daily caffeine fix, that's for sure," I teased, winking playfully. Janine was just out of Hogwarts, only eighteen-years-old, and I recognized that my charm and flirtatious ways often caused her to blush. But I also knew that a small gesture, a gesture as small as a latte every morning, could go a long way. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Mr. Scrimgeour is holding a press conference at ten o'clock this morning to release statements based on the recent attacks in the States," she started, glancing over at the large-scale calendar. "He expects all of the Aurors to be there ready with quotes for the _Daily Prophet_. You have training duty with the recruits at noon. At two o'clock, the speech writers will be here for Moody who would like you and Frank to be present."

"Speech for what?"

"The Auror conference in China next week."

"Ahh, right," I muttered, making a face. Being an Auror for only a few months since the three-year training had come to an end, I got the privilege of being forced upon all of the lowly Auror conferences where Scrimgeour or Moody thought they weren't worth their time.

"At four, you and Caleb are meeting with the family from Grunley that got attacked last Friday over at St. Mungo's. At seven o'clock tonight, you have a meeting with Redford Banting," she continued. A meeting in the wizarding world often just meant meeting in our respective fireplaces. "He wants to discuss the removal of the prison guards from the entrance to their Ministry, believing them to be distracting and intimidating."

I shook my head incredulously. Some wizards were morons. "Redford Banting is a prick," I snarled. Redford Banting was the Chief Officer of the North American Auror Department. "He just believes it looks bad upon the organization to have prison guards protecting the front of the building. As if there wasn't an attack on the west coast recently."

"Agreed. You also wanted me to remind you that you need to leave here by eight-thirty sharp for a meeting with Dumbledore."

The Order of the Phoenix sprang to my mind, grateful that Janine told me or otherwise I wouldn't have remembered. It's been a while since we've had an Order meeting, but I had a feeling this had to do with the recent attacks on the States. "Thanks, Janine," I said, flashing her a grin. "You're a doll."

I swept past her but didn't let the slight rose color on her cheeks go unnoticed. I fell into my cubicle desk chair with a sigh, noticing all of the files and paperwork that had to be completed and filed before the weekend. While training to be an Auror, they neglect to tell you how much paperwork is involved with trying to save the world from Voldemort's destruction.

A head popped up from the adjacent cubicle and Frank Longbottom, my fellow Auror and one of my closest friends in the office, grinned down at me. "My lunch date got cancelled. Please tell me that you don't have plans with that beautiful girlfriend of yours so you can treat me to a cheesesteak at Benny's."

I snorted. "So, Alice finally came around and decided you weren't worth her time?"

"That girl worships the ground I walk on," Frank teased. "Moody just informed her that she needs to be prepared for a trip to the States. Moody wants to check out the west coast damage himself and needs a few extra bodies."

"It's better than doing paperwork," I groaned, gesturing towards the stack of background checks and field reports I had been procrastinating from filling out. "When is she leaving?"

"Early tomorrow morning. Meaning that she needs to spend most of the day down in the training facilities." In a building attached to the basement of the Ministry stood a massive facility for the Aurors in order to keep ourselves in shape and ready for any type of battle.

"She going to the Order meeting tonight?" I asked curiously.

Frank cursed. "I forgot about that."

"So did I, until Janine reminded me," I admitted with a guilty shrug. "We haven't had a meeting since Hogwarts started back in September."

"There hasn't been an attack since Hogwarts started," Frank murmured. "Why do you think Voldemort went after the States? He usually sticks to Europe to destroy."

I shrugged. "I couldn't tell you. I haven't the foggiest idea what's running through Voldemort's mind, nor do I think that's a bad thing."

Frank cracked a smile. "So are you treating me to lunch or what?"

A guilty wince crossed my face. "My day is jam-packed. I have to be in the training facilities at noon to do defensive charms. On top of that, I have that meeting with Banting tonight that I'm not anywhere near prepared to deal with. I think I'll have to sit this one out."

"Ouch. Is anyone ever prepared to deal with Banting?"

Before I could respond, a person to our left voiced his opinion. "Nope. Which is why Scrimgeour delegates those unfortunate conversations to others," Moody admitted with a shrug. Rufus Scrimgeour was not very well-liked or well-respected by the Aurors, even if he was the Head of the Auror Department. Most Aurors chose to deal with Moody instead, him being Second-in-Command. He knows more about the inner workings of Voldemort and the Death Eaters better than anyone and every day is designed to bringing them down.

I have never respected anyone as much as I respect Alastor Moody.

* * *

**++ALASTOR++**

James Potter, Frank Longbottom, and Alice Fisher are three of my favorite new Aurors. They have more drive and ambition than some of my most experienced Aurors and I find myself giving them more responsibilities as the days pass. I normally leave missions to those who have been in the Auror program for at least five years, but there was no question in my mind that Alice would be able to help put forth her keen observation in laying out the crime scene in the States. She had a photographic memory that stunned me nearly 99% of the time and I knew we could use it.

"Here," I said, handing James and Frank a stack of files. "These were the people caught at the scene of the States attacks. Most of them are civilians. I need you two to go over the list and mark any known Death Eaters or family members from past Death Eaters. I'll need you to do a background check on anyone you find. If you don't recognize a name and they don't have a hometown somewhere on the west coast of the States, I'll also need you to run a background check. We can never be too sure."

With the British Ministry as the largest in the world, most of the responsibilities necessary to thrive as a successful wizarding world fell upon us, including tedious background checks.

"Yes, sir," James said immediately, reaching for a file.

"There's a press meeting in roughly three hours. Are you two prepared?" I asked curiously.

"Of course," Frank answered. "Like it matters. Whichever sleazeball reporter the _Daily Prophet _sends will just skew our words anyway."

I nodded slowly. "Does that paper have anyone moral writing for them?"

"Keegan Rouge," a familiar male voice responded almost immediately, coming up behind us. Fabian Prewett cast us all a humored smile, walking up to my cubicle with Alice Fisher right behind him. "But I'm probably a tad biased. Then again, it's not her writing that interests me."

Alice smacked Fabian playfully on the shoulder. "Well, your girlfriend's writing interests _me_," she argued, rolling her eyes. "And yeah, you're probably biased, but I do think she's a rather moral writer. Though, that's probably only because she's a woman." There were very few females working at the _Daily Prophet_, and if they were, most of them used a pseudonym to appear male. Keegan Rouge was one of the few that stuck up for femininity and while she often got the short end of the stick because of it, she always stood her ground.

A light chuckle escaped from my lips. "You saying all men have a tendency towards corruption?"

Alice snickered. "I'm saying that all men at the _Daily Prophet _are cutthroat and vicious."

"That's because they're stuck with the most spiteful of all as a boss," Frank shared his two cents. Jasper Malone, the Editor-in-Chief of the _Daily Prophet_, was known to everyone in the wizarding world as a vicious hard-ass who would risk anything and anyone for a drama-filled headline in his precious paper. But the _Daily Prophet_ wouldn't be the newspaper it was without Malone.

We all nodded in agreement with Frank while I changed the subject, letting my gaze linger on Alice. "What the hell are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be down in the weight room with the trainees?" As a way of always being prepared themselves, each Auror took turns teaching the most recent Auror apprentices the latest training techniques. Since Alice was going headfirst into a battle scene and one of the mottos of the Auror office was to always be prepared for battle, she was expected to fulfill her duties that day. You never knew when Voldemort would return to the scene of a crime. I knew that Alice was already prepared but she also knew that with responsibility came some of the boring, knitty-gritty training tasks.

"Oh, hold your horses, old man," Alice chuckled, flashing him her usual charming smile. Only Alice would be able to get away with calling me an old man. "I still have ten minutes until they are planning on arriving."

I chuckled but didn't retort. I was too busy reminiscing on the four adults in front of me, trying my best not to show my immense pride for them. No one in the office could figure out why I always seemed to treat them differently than the others, seemed more lenient around them. But no one knew that the four of them were highly respected members of the Order of the Phoenix along with myself. Not only were they spending their every waking hour as an Auror in an attempt to keep harm out of the wizarding world but they went above and beyond the call of duty as an Order member in an attempt to defeat Voldemort once and for all. I respected the four of them because one day they could be saving my life in a duel. "Get back to work. Wouldn't want Rufus to think you're lazy good-for-nothings, now would ya?" I teased, starting to head back to my office.

"Will we see you tonight?" Fabian asked me, lowering his voice.

I shook my head. Being Second-in-Command at the Auror office kept most of my time tied up, keeping me away from Order meetings. To be frank, I not only have to do my job but I have to do Scrimgeour's as well. However, my absences from the meetings were more about trying to keep Scrimgeour in the dark than my busy work schedule. "Heading out to the States bright and early tomorrow morning. I have to make sure that all of the loose ends are tied up here before I go." Which was code for making sure that Scrimgeour wouldn't screw something up in my absence.

I offered them all a curt nod before heading back to my office. "Let me know if you come up with anything on those background checks."

James shrugged. "Of course."

* * *

**++FRANK++**

I hate paperwork. I've come to realize that being an Auror is fifty-percent physical activity and fifty-percent paperwork. But in the end, I find that it's worth it. It thrills me that I'm putting my neck on the line to protect the wizarding world.

And it helps that I get to spend every day with the love of my life.

I think that I was more nervous than Alice as she awaited an acceptance letter into the Auror recruitment program. I was nine months into my own recruitment program and knew that it was going to be difficult and challenging. But I also knew that if anyone could tough it out, it was her.

Moody retreated back to his office and James pulled open the file that he had been handed.

"What does Moody hope to find on the West Coast?" I asked curiously, easing back into my own desk chair with an intrigued sigh.

Alice shook her head, leaning up against my desk. "A clue as to why Voldemort directed his latest attack there, I presume."

"Well, I hope you find something," Fabian murmured.

I heard a loud gasp escape from James' lips and I quickly popped my head over our adjoining cubicle. "What's wrong?"

A worried crease fell upon James' forehead and he groaned inwardly, rubbing his temples. He stared back down at the sheet of paper in his hand and reread the name. My heart skipped a beat; I could tell something was wrong.

"James?" Alice asked, concerned.

"Regulus Black was caught near San Francisco by an Auror. He's apparently resting in Azkaban right now," James murmured.

My heart stopped. Not because I cared that Regulus Black was caught. But because I wondered how it would affect Sirius.

Alice's jaw dropped. "Regulus Black is a Death Eater?" she asked rhetorically. "But he's so young!"

"Nineteen isn't young to be a part of Voldemort's gang," James clarified. "He often recruits students who are barely fifteen-years-old."

Alice's eyes widened. I knew it wasn't out of shock but because she couldn't imagine signing up for such dangerous responsibilities at her young, naïve age of only fifteen. "How would you know?"

"Because I know that Regulus Black was recruited when _he_ was fifteen-years-old. His mother couldn't help but brag about it to…Sirius," James said, barely choking out the last word. While Sirius hadn't spoken to his brother, much less his family since he left Hogwarts, I think we were all curious as to how Sirius would react to the latest news.

"She clearly was never taught the meaning of the word _brag_," Fabian chimed in with a sardonic smirk. "Your son selling his soul to the devil is not something I would be bragging about."

"You don't know the Blacks," James muttered. I watched him as he stood up abruptly and immediately sauntered towards the file room in the back of the office. He rummaged through one of the drawers until he found what he was looking for.

When he came back, he was reading an old background check on Regulus Black that he had created fresh out of Hogwarts in his first year as an Auror apprentice. I had a feeling that back when James created that background check, he knew that one day Regulus would get himself into trouble. Three years later, he was unfortunately putting that to good use.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I had a meeting at the Ministry today with Harnish MacFarlan, the head of the Departments of Magical Games and Sports. The Quidditch World Cup was being held in Britain during the upcoming summer so these meetings were all too frequent.

People always think that being a Quijudge is an easy job, which couldn't be farther from the truth. You have to be extremely brave and strong-minded to be a Quijudge. You have to be an exceptional flier, maybe even better than the actual Quiddith players, and you have to have the willpower and determination to watch the antics of fourteen players at once. I was required to go through four intense months of training that included demanding flying tests, multiple written examinations on all of the rules and regulations, and I had to endure a series of overwhelming trials proving that I would put the game before my personal feelings and I wouldn't jinx any of the players under pressure.

It took me a year to find a steady job. I never thought that I would be a Quijudge forever. But when James passed along the opportunity to get into a training program, I grabbed at it. I figured what could be better than getting paid for doing what I enjoy? And as it turned out, I was a damn good Quijudge. In fact, I was one of the best. If I stuck with it, I knew that I would eventually become promoted to be a part of the administration at the Ministry.

I hated meetings at the Ministry. Harnish MacFarlan loved to talk and usually droned on for an unnecessary amount of time. I knew that if everything didn't go smoothly at the Quidditch World Cup, the first thing to go was going to be Harnish which is the only reason he harped on every little thing.

The only reason I liked having my time taken up by Ministry visits was it gave me an excuse to pop in to see James.

"Good morning!"

James lifted his head up from the large amount of paperwork. "Sirius? What are you doing here?"

"Just finished a meeting with MacFarlan," I said, plopping myself on to the desk chair that occupied the empty desk sharing James' cubicle. Royce Keyman used to sit there, but he was killed eight months earlier during a battle against Death Eaters. "I thought I'd pop in and see what kind of trouble you were getting yourself into."

"It's hard to get into trouble with my head buried in paperwork," James groaned.

"You need to get out more," I teased. "I have four tickets to next Tuesday's Quidditch match. Bring Lily."

"Which means," Frank's voice boasted, glancing over the cubicle wall with an impish grin, "That there are two tickets left. Want to lend them to me and Alice?"

"Or me and Keegan!" another voice cried out from the other side of James' cubicle.

James rolled his eyes at Fabian. "Aren't you doing strength training with the recruits on Tuesday evening?"

Fabian hesitated, slinking back into his seat. "Well, then I have dibs on the next free tickets," he pouted.

"Which leaves me and Alice," Frank said with a grin.

"Or me and Shannon," another familiar voice spoke, arriving behind us.

We all turned around to greet Caleb Gilmore, Lance's brother and another Auror. He had followed in his mother's footsteps.

"What am I fighting for?" Caleb teased.

"Tickets to the Appleby Arrors vs. Wimbourne Wasps game on Tuesday," I explained.

"Oh. I already have tickets to that match."

"Gee, and why would that be? Because Shannon's brother just so happens to be the _captain _of the Appleby Arrows?" I snorted, grinning.

"That may be a part of it," Caleb spoke, leaning up against James' desk with a smirk.

"Which, must I repeat, leaves myself and Alice!" Frank cheered.

"Oooh, a double date to a Quidditch match. How romantic," I joked, but I shrugged and nodded.

"It can be romantic if someone proposes on the jumbotron," James chimed in with a chortle.

"Are all men this dense?" Alice sighed, coming up behind us. "The jumbotron is an old-fashioned _lame _way for a man to propose. A girl likes to be courted."

"Which means…" Frank trailed off, narrowing his eyebrows in wonderment, "What does that mean?"

Alice laughed. "It means that a girl being asked to marry her significant other in front of _thousands _of other people in a sticky stadium where people go to get drunk and watch athletes smash into each other on brooms is not even remotely romantic."

"Well, I guess I'll check jumbotron off my list," Frank teased, winking playfully at his girlfriend.

"Pretty sure Shannon wouldn't have said yes if I had tried proposing via jumbotron," Caleb agreed with a snort.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm impressed the girl said yes to you even with a normal proposal."

"Just because you find the custom of marriage barbaric doesn't mean the rest of us do, too," Alice smirked.

"Amen to that," Caleb agreed, sniggering.

I shuddered. "Far too many of my friends are getting married. It's disturbing."

"It's _life_," Alice spoke.

"It's mushy," I teased.

Frank was smart enough to change the subject, reaching out and grabbing Alice's waist to draw her close to him, kissing her cheek. "What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be baby-sitting…oops, I mean coaching the apprentices?"

"I was. I gave them a ten-minute break. I need to find Dedalus. He's supposed to be helping me with blocking and I can't seem to find him."

"He was trudging towards the file room, last I saw him," said James, earning a grateful nod from Alice.

"Thanks. See you all tonight?" she said. Without bothering to get a response from us, she hurried off in search of Dedalus Diggle.

I was planning on chiding James for being buried in paperwork, when Frank's next words stopped me dead in my tracks. "I guess it's a good thing she doesn't want to become engaged due to a jumbotron proposal seeing as I'm asking her to marry me tonight at dinner."

Caleb, James and I were all taken aback and Fabian perched back over the cubicle, gazes of awe on all four of our faces.

Frank laughed at the surprised reactions. "Our families are getting together tonight and I thought that would be a nice way to propose."

"So…" I contemplated, a cheeky grin hiding mischievously, "That when she rejects you, you have your mother's shoulder to cry on?"

Frank scoffed. "James, slap him for me."

James laughed but didn't oblige. "Why tonight?" he asked curiously. The agitation in his voice told me that he was getting irritated with everyone getting engaged. I had a feeling that he was afraid Lily was going to soon be expecting a ring. I also had a feeling that James wasn't ready for that.

Frank shrugged. "I've had the ring for quite some time but needed to find the right time to propose. This dinner came up and…voila. The right time."

"Do me a favor, will ya?" James muttered.

"Hm?"

"Tell Alice _not _to ask Lily to be her Maid of Honor."

I burst into laughter, knowing that Lily was getting a little run-down from being everyone's Maid of Honor lately.

Frank quirked a confused eyebrow. "Heh?"

I snorted, swinging around in the desk chair. "Nothing. Ignore him. He's being sassy."

"Sassy?" James chuckled, quirking an amused eyebrow. "Where the hell have you been hanging around lately? Tennessee? You going to start saying 'y'all' now?"

"Why do I bother visiting you anymore? I always end up getting insulted in some way or another," I pouted, suppressing a chuckle.

"I've been making fun of you since the day I met you, Black," James snorted, giving me a look. "Shouldn't you be used to it by now?"

"On that cue," I said, rolling my eyes playfully as I jumped up from the desk chair, "I'm going to head back home. Bye, _y'all._"

James, Fabian, Caleb and Frank all chuckled as I started to saunter out. "I'll walk you out," James called out over him, an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

I gazed at him curiously but nodded. Something in James' eyes told me that he had something unfortunate to tell me. We chitchatted about Quidditch through the hallways and down the elevator, but once we reached the lobby, I turned towards James grimly. "Okay, just tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Whatever it is you're so apprehensive to tell me about."

James scrunched his nose. "It's about…your brother."

I stepped back in surprise. Out of all of the scenarios in my head about what could have gone wrong, Regulus didn't pop up once. I wasn't sure where he was going with this. "Wow. Haven't thought about that kid in a few years. What did he do this time?"

"He was caught at a crime scene out at one of the West Coast attacks."

I wasn't sure how to react. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised," I murmured. "Mother did tell me three and a half years ago that he was approached by Voldemort."

"Doesn't mean he actually went through with it."

I snorted. "Well, clearly he did. And apparently he's not such a goodDeath Eater considering he got himself caught."

"I-I just thought you'd like to know," James explained with an awkward shrug.

"He'll get acquitted," I said hastily. "He'll give up a few names in order to save himself. Even in prison, that boy will always be the selfish little prick he always was."

"Sirius, I-"

"I'll see you tonight?" I said, squashing the subject of my brother altogether.

James simply nodded.

"Bring home some Thai with you, will ya? Our refrigerator is beginning to look like we live in a trailer park," I snorted. Our refrigerator always seemed empty of food, although beer was always in supply.

"Why do I always have to be the one to pick up dinner?" James whined.

"Because you're always last home," I reminded him with a grin. "I want Pad Thai, you could probably just get Remus some spring rolls and the kid will be happy."

"I feel like a housewife," James muttered.

"Oooh, and pick up some of that yummy Thai iced tea."

"Good-bye, Sirius!" James said with a chuckle as he headed back towards the elevator

I left, wondering what was going to be in store next for the Black family.

* * *

**++KAY++**

I didn't know what to expect when we graduated Hogwarts and entered the real world involuntarily. But it is now three years, four months, and two weeks later and my friends and I all seemed to be thriving. Not only has love permeated our lives but success has become a natural occurrence.

I had quickly followed my dream of going into a job of medicine and was considered one of the best mediwitches working at St. Mungo's. But most of all, I had followed my dream of being with Lance. I know that we were an unlikely pair and yet somehow we worked. What's even better was that Lance's scary Nazi grandmother seemed to love me and so did the rest of his family. While I was half-Muggle and that bothered her slightly in the beginning, she slowly grew to appreciate me for me. Seeing as my own family wasn't around much nor cared about being around much, I had slowly been adopted into the Gilmore's world and was glad that I finally had a family I could call my own and who more importantly _wanted _me to call it my own. There were those few fleeting moments where I felt slightly awkward, afraid that I was slowly morphing into the Gilmore daughter that they had all lost when she ran off to Australia. I didn't want to feel as if I was trying to replace Riley, but Lance was constantly reminding me that his family was welcoming and hospitable to me not because they lost Riley but because I was the love of Lance's life. He did always know what to say.

On the other hand, Lance hadn't always known what he wanted to do. He had flounced from job to job trying to find his calling. Two years ago, he finally took a risk and opened his own bookstore in Godric's Hollow seeing that there was a huge wizarding community living there. It was immediately successful and after Drew graduated from Hogwarts a year earlier, he became a co-manager of the bookstore and they put in a café. It has become over time one of the popular hotspots in the area for wizards and witches of all ages to go and enjoy a bit of fun and relaxation. You could certainly find me there when I wasn't at work or sleeping. But that probably had something to do with the fact that my future husband owned the place.

I never thought that Remus would be one to get sidetracked by work. To be honest, none of us was sure he'd find a job that would last longer than a few weeks. For about a year, he had been unemployed. We all knew how difficult it was to find work as a werewolf. But when a position as a Magizoologist in a lab in Canterbury opened up, it ended up being the perfect job for him. He specializes in the study of werewolves and was recently appointed to consultant for the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, working out of their own lab twice a month. He had confided in me that every single day he walked into the lab, he was afraid that he was going to get pulled into the boss' office so he could be let go because someone on his team had found out about his lycanthropy and petitioned to get him fired. But for now, I'm hoping it all works out. He deserved some good in his life. He was still getting over a terrible break-up with Jillian. It had happened three months ago, but was still very fresh in all of our minds. We didn't talk about it, but the pain was still there.

Lily is one of the most ambitious people I know. It took only eighteen months before she was promoted within the Department of International Magical Cooperation to the Senior Adviser over South America in the International Magical Office of Law. I wouldn't be surprised if one day she became the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. When she wasn't spending her time engrossed in her work, she was busy trying to amend her schedule to spend time with James. I often felt like she put more effort into their relationship than he did, but I also thought it was because he's constantly afraid of growing too close to her.

James has had a tough life. I am not surprised that he had seemed to put his work as an Auror as his top priority. First, Wyatt left eight years earlier without so much as an explanation. And that was only the beginning. When Brite died and his father abandoned his family to take a position within the Italian Auror offices, slowly James started falling apart. The last straw for James was his youngest brother, JT, getting killed a year earlier. It was that moment that James went from his upbeat, optimistic self to his determined, preoccupied self. It was heartbreaking for me, for all of us, to watch, but there was very little we could do. James deserved better and it just seemed as if Voldemort would stop at nothing to completely shatter James.

And if watching James wasn't heartbreaking enough, it took all of the strength within me to try and help Sirius through a tough time. The summer after Riley left (it's been a long time since I've mentioned that name), Sirius tried acting as if didn't matter. As if her disappearance didn't affect him. But he did become somewhat of a recluse, drinking himself into a stupor, barely eating, and taking long walks around the lake where he would disappear for hours. After the summer, he sold that house within a few short weeks and moved into Potter Manor. I would always be grateful to James for being there for Sirius when he needed someone most. James had put his job and his relationship on hold and took Sirius out to Blarney's, our local hangout, when Sirius needed to blow off steam, and James would sit and watch old Quidditch matches on WiziSports with Sirius when Sirius didn't want to talk but clearly needed company. It took a lot of useless jobs until Sirius found a job he loved and slowly, Sirius was getting back to the person he used to be. The person he was before Riley screwed him up. After a year of flitting from job to job, James finally talked Sirius into applying to an open Quijudge position with the Department of Magical Games and Sports. We were all convinced Sirius was somehow going to screw it up like he always did. But something came over Sirius. A sense of determination that had been absent previously somehow gave Sirius the drive to work towards actually doing something worthy with his life. And now he works harder than ever.

Peter went off and did exactly what he had no desire to do: he let his father take him under his wing and Peter learned everything one could possibly need to know about owning a pub. Pettigrew Tavern was a seedy local French wizarding hangout where more nights than others, Ronald Pettigrew was attempting to break up a fist fight between two guys fighting over the cute waitress or he was trying to figure out a way to attract more customers in. It wasn't very popular and it was often more testosterone-filled, but Peter always pointed out that at least he was making money.

So where does Riley come into play? I don't know. None of us do. After she left in the middle of the night to go to Australia, she made herself untraceable by any of us. She didn't write to us and we couldn't write to her. I'm not sure any of us would have wanted to anyway but I know that Lily tried once. At the end of that fateful summer after graduation, Lily had attempted to write to her and the letter came back a week later. I know that Lily had also tried keeping track of Riley by taking up a subscription with the _Daily Australian Prophet_, the paper that had given Riley an annual fellowship, but after a while, it became too difficult to pretend that one day things might go back to the way they used to be. By New Year's Eve, Lily washed her hands of Riley Gilmore and it was on that day that we all made some sort of unspoken resolution: to not talk or think about Riley ever again in an attempt to truly move on with our lives.

Even with all of the challenges we have had to go through, we have become better people because of it. Our tragedies have just made us stronger. I was able to get through my own problems in the past and I know that whatever disaster strikes next, I'll be able to get through that also.

I have my friends to thank for that.

* * *

**A/N: **Ta-da! Chapter 1 officially posted. And I already know what you're giong to say: but I thought James and Lily got married a year out of Hogwarts? Alright, so maybe they did. But when I had outlined the Balcony series, it was way back before even the 5th book came out. I've made a few necessary changes to the story because of it, but this is one that I chose not to part with. Most of the remainder of this story is going to follow J.K. Rowling but I guess you'll just have to think of this as slightly AU. If you don't want to read on, I can't stop you. But I really think you should! It only gets better from here.

And after the time jump question, I bet the next question is: why have you chosen to write it in first person? Good question. I can't be sure why I decided to write it in first person. Except that I felt that there are a whole bunch of characters in this sequel (more so than TotB and KotB), I thought this would be a great way to get some in depth perspective to each and every one of the characters. If you don't like it, then don't read on. But once again, I think you'll be missing out!

Probably another question: James an Auror? Yes, I realize that J.K. Rowling has James as technically unemployed while working solely with the Order. Once again, I've nixed that concept and turned him into an Auror.

I thrive on reviews so please do let me know what you think!


	2. Of Dishes, Nicknames, & Flasks

**A/N: **Baaaaack! Thank you all for reviewing the first chapter - you're the ones who make it worth writing every day to get this story completed. Not much to add here. This story and the sequel (Love on the Balcony - already began an outline for it!) can still go a lot of places so any suggestions are welcome! Should I write James and Lily's death? Stop beforehand (because let's face it, the idea of killing them off is DEPRESSING)? Should Riley return? How should everyone react if she does? Any charactesr you want to see return to this story from TotB and Kotb? Any charactesr from the HP series you would like for me to mention? So many ideas! To listen to your opinion, you really need to review...just a thought...

**Disclaimer: **I'm broke. And therefore not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 2: Of Dishes, Nicknames, & Flasks

* * *

**++LILY++**

I strolled into Potter Manor and like I so often did, shouted out, "JAMES! SIRIUS! REMUS!" Naturally, an echo responded. I found it easier screaming their names out than hunting them down. The mansion was so large, it often took wasted minutes looking for them. Then again, they often couldn't hear me when I screamed for them with so many nooks and crannies. That, or they were ignoring me. I'm going to pretend like it's the former.

I screamed their names out again, glancing down at my watch at the time.

"LILY-BEAN!" Sirius shouted back as he appeared at the top of the stairwell. I looked up at him and grinned. He slid down the banister towards me, an entrance that was a trademark of his. "Tell me you have Thai food with you."

I lifted a confused eyebrow, shaking my head slowly. "Er…no. I already ate."

Sirius groaned, imploring a pout. "Damn you, Lily-bean."

"Is James here?"

"Do you see me eating Thai food?" Sirius responded immediately. "No, but thanks for reminding me!"

I gazed at him curiously, a look that he was often on the receiving end of. "Why are you obsessing over Thai food? Or is this one of those times where I really just shouldn't ask?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "He was supposed to bring home Thai for the three of us. I guess he's stuck at the office."

"What else is new?" I said with a strained chuckle. Ironically, it seemed that ninety-percent of the time I barged into James' house, he wasn't even there. "Well, where's Remus? We should go soon or we'll be late."

"He just got home a few minutes ago and jumped in the shower. He should be down soon. Want a beer while we wait?"

"Of course," I said, following him into the kitchen.

"Well, while you're here, I wouldn't mind an omelet," Sirius teased, gesturing towards the skillet piled up in the sink with the other dirty dishes.

I reached into the refrigerator to grab a beer before sending a skeptical look Sirius' way. It was no surprise that their refrigerator was nearly empty except for beer, old Chinese food containers, some moldy bread, and old carton of milk, eggs, and a leftover box of cold pizza. "No, you just want me to do the dishes."

He grinned sheepishly and slid into an empty seat at the kitchen table, propping his feet up on the table. "I can't get anything by you."

"I have my own dishes to do, thank you very much," I snickered, shaking my head. Sirius was always trying to get me to do his share of the chores. "If I always do your dirty work, how will you ever learn on your own?"

"Why would I _want _to learn to do the dishes?" Sirius spoke, arching an eyebrow.

"It's called a flick of your wand, Sirius."

"That requires lifting my hand. That's far too much effort."

"Well, then get used to a sink full of dirty plates."

"Are you trying to lure Lily into doing our dishes? Don't fall for it, Lily. It's his turn to do them," a familiar voice came from the kitchen doorway. Remus gave Sirius a look as he ran a towel through his wet hair.

"Shhh, I think it's working," Sirius groaned.

"Oh, just finish your beer," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"I just got a message from James. He's running late and asked us just to go ahead and he'll meet us there," Remus explained, taking a swig from my beer with a sheepish grin.

"Whaat? James is stuck at work? Shocking!" I said sarcastically with an amused chuckle.

Sirius chugged his beer. "How late do you think this meeting is going to go?" he asked.

I shrugged, swiping my beer back from Remus. "How should I know? These things can last anywhere from thirty minutes to three hours."

Sirius made a face, finishing off his beer and chucking it into the garbage. "Let's hope we're out of there by midnight."

I rolled my eyes. "Why? Got a hot date?"

He grinned. "Of course."

"At _midnight _on a Thursday night?" I snorted, clenching my teeth irritably. "I guess by date I really meant booty call, hm?"

He shrugged. "You know me so well."

"Yes," I murmured with a sigh. "A little too well."

Sirius' mouth tightened and I recognized aggravation in his eyes. We've had this argument before, but I knew we were probably going to get into it again. "You have a problem with me calling up a girl on a Thursday night?"

"Uh, _I _do if you forget to soundproof your bedroom," Remus chimed in with a laugh. Cracking a joke to ease the tension is what Remus always did.

"If you want to call up a girl on a Thursday night, you go right ahead," I said with a curt shrug. "But it's not just a Thursday night. It's a Monday night and a Tuesday night and a Wednesday night and a-"

"Yeah, I get it," Sirius interrupted with a grunt. "But it's my life and I can do what I want with it. And if I want to fuck a girl every night, then I'm going to fuck a girl every night."

I scoffed, giving him a look of pure distaste. "Were you always this much of a demoralizing womanizer?"

"Yes," he responded with a haughty smirk. "You finally going to tell me what you really think?"

"Guys, c'mon," Remus pleaded, but I cut him off.

"What is _that _supposed to mean?" I snarled, ignoring Remus completely.

"It means that James isn't around to shut you up. I know that you don't exactly think highly of my relationship choices so please go ahead-"

"You call your rolls in the sack _relationships_?" I snorted, a cynical smirk spreading across my face. "That's rich."

"Hey, how about we put this argument on hold and get to the Order meeting?" Remus suggested.

We both ignored him. Sirius narrowed his eyes at me, but I saw hesitance. He didn't respond immediately, but his eyes never left mine. "Some of us aren't exactly satisfied with a _four-year _relationship," he said softly. "So I'm sorry if I'm not living up to _your_ expectations or _your_ standards, Lily-bean, but it's not your expectations and standards I need to live up to. It's _mine_."

"Oh? And when did you _lower_ your expectations and standards, Sirius?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Especially since we all knew the answer.

His look grew soft, his eyes filled with surprise and regret. "Don't patronize me, Lily. You don't have to like how I spend my time with the opposite sex," he murmured. "But maybe you should learn to accept it because I'm not planning on changing any time soon."

I opened my mouth to respond, but found that I had no argument. Because he was right; I didn't necessarily like his womanizing ways. But it wasn't about acceptance. It was about fear. Fear that Sirius was losing himself. And if he kept slipping away into this person that I didn't necessarily like, I was afraid that there would come a time where Sirius wouldn't like the person he's become either. And I loved him too much to watch him deteriorate.

But I couldn't tell him any of this. He would probably resent me. And I was pretty sure he already resented himself so the last thing he needed was me adding fuel to the fire.

"Fine," I eventually murmured, earning a surprised look from both Sirius and Remus. I finished off my beer and threw it into the recycling bin, even though I knew I was probably the only one who ever used the recycling bin in Potter Manor. "C'mon, let's go before we're late."

"Er…okay," Remus said, exchanging a look with Sirius. They both shrugged and followed me out of the kitchen.

We apparated into the hillside of Hogsmeade and inconspicuously headed into the alley of the Hog's Head, creeping into the back door. We headed down the creaky stairwell into the musty basement where the meetings were now held.

"Hello, Lily," Dumbledore greeted as I led the three of us into the expansive room. "What have you been up to lately?"

I smiled. "Just keeping myself busy," I said vaguely with a shrug. "How was Halloween at Hogwarts this year?" It was an appropriate question seeing as the holiday passed only a week earlier.

"Chaotic," he responded. "I think James and Sirius had a run for their money this year. Every time I finished cleaning up after someone's prank in one of the corridors, I was called to clean up another only minutes later. The Head Girl and Head Boy had an interesting time handing out punishments."

I chuckled, feeling a twinge of envy in the pit of my stomach. I never thought I'd miss Hogwarts as much as I do. Life was an easier time back then. "Oh, Hogwarts," I sighed, shaking my head.

"Actually," Dumbledore continued, a glint of mystery flickering in his eyes, "This year's Head Boy and Girl remind me a lot of you and James three years ago."

"Oh yeah?" I said curiously. "How so?"

"Let's just say that they don't quite get along. Their constant bickering is causing a few problems here and there."

I blushed, reminded of my more immature days. I smiled at the reminder of the day James and I got together and everything changed between us. "Well, if it helps, the feud between me and James only last a few months. We quickly got over that."

"Yes, some time after a fist fight, am I correct?"

My heart skipped a beat as my jaw dropped in shock and embarrassment. Albus Dumbledore somehow knew everything. "Er…something like that," I said, cringing guiltily.

"How are the two of you doing?" he pried.

I shrugged. "Same ol', same ol'," I said with a smile.

We continued chatting until Frank and Alice walked in and I was bombarded by Alice. Dumbledore said his goodbyes and left to go chat with Frank.

"Hey, Alice. How's Auror life?" I asked. I had always considered Alice one of Kay's friends until she and James went through the Auror recruitment program together. I started spending a lot more time with her and suddenly, she became one of my closest friends.

"Eh, you know. Boring and uneventful," she joked. "How's the international trading life?"

"Eh, you know. Very action-packed and dangerous."

Alice laughed and quickly changed the subject. "So, you'll never guess what happened tonight at dinner?" Due to her excitement, I couldn't even get out a peep before Alice gestured towards her left hand. "Frank proposed!"

My eyes lit up in shock and enthusiasm. "Alice, congratulations!" I embraced my friend tightly, my gaze landing on James sauntering through the door. He caught my eye and waved to me. I forced out a smile as Alice stepped back.

"I still can't believe it. We had talked about this in the past but I was completely thrown," Alice explained. She ranted about Frank's romantic proposal, but I only half-listened, watching James' every move as he greeted Dumbledore cordially and nodded a hello to the three Gilmore brothers.

Eventually, James made his way over to us. "Hey, Beautiful," James said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing the side of my face.

"Aw, that's so sweet but don't you think you should be directing that towards Lily?" Alice teased.

He nudged her shoulder with his own, chuckling. "I'd hit you but it's against my policy to hit a recently engaged woman."

"But all other women are okay?" I laughed, winking up at my boyfriend.

Alice ignored me, her eyes narrowing at James. "Frank told you he was proposing to me _before_ he actually proposed to me, didn't he?"

James hesitated. "Um…what answer gets me in the least amount of trouble?"

"Excuse me, I have a fiancé to pick a bone with," Alice said with a feigned scowl.

"You just wanted to use the word fiancé!" James called out after her.

She laughed but I could tell by the glint in her eye and her effortless smile that she quite enjoyed using the word.

"Guess we'll have to add yet another wedding to our busy social calendar," James spoke, smiling. But there was hesitation behind his smile.

"That's what we get for having friends who are in love," I teased.

"Damned love. I always knew it would bite us in the arse one day."

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

As I glanced around the room, a sense of pride was instilled inside of me. These people were dedicating their life to try and make a difference. There were about thirty of us squished into that room, our attentions keenly focused on Dumbledore at the front of the room. Frank and Alice were practically sitting on top of each other, their hands intertwined. James and Lily sat side-by-side, Lily looking a tad uneasy. I'll have to ask her about that later. Remus looked as uncomfortable as he always did at these meetings and Peter just looked out of place. Fabian and Gideon Prewett were in the corner, Gideon constantly glancing over at Marlene McKinnon for her reaction. Seeing as they had been dating on-and-off since Hogwarts, that wasn't surprising. I couldn't remember if they were on or off at that moment but based on the nostalgic look in Gideon's eye, they were probably in off mode. Caradoc Dearborn and Kingsley Shacklebolt stood in the back of the room observing silently and yet so majestically. Dedalus Diggle sat hunched in the corner with Emmeline Vance right beside him. Benjy Fenwick's bright pointy hat stood out across the room. Mundungus Fletcher and Sturgis Podmore both looked a tad mischievous in a dark corner, huddled together and whispering throughout the meeting. And the Gilmore brothers all stood proudly together, Rafe, Caleb, and Lance looking so proud and fulfilled. Drew would have been standing right beside them with his hand crushing Dezzy Potter's fingers if they hadn't still been on their six-week long backpacking honeymoon through South America. They weren't the only presences missing that evening. Aberforth was upstairs manning the bar (I couldn't remember the last time he actually attended a meeting), Moody was apparently back in the office to prepare for a trip to the States the following day, and Edgar Bones and Dorcas Meadowes were apparently out of the country on an unknown Order mission.

I joined the Order of the Phoenix with the idea that it would give me a sense of accomplishment. I didn't have much in my life back then. And sadly, I didn't have much in my life three years later. But the Order became less of a hobby and more of a necessity for me. Three years earlier, I was drowning and falling apart. The Order gave me purpose. The Order gave me hope. Most importantly, the Order gave me my life back.

So that night, when Dumbledore suggested that a few of the Order members that weren't Aurors drop in surreptitiously on the States' west coast to get a different perspective on the attacks, I volunteered immediately. Being a Quijudge, I did have quite a bit of spare time on my hands. So when I had the time, I was always willing to pitch in with whatever Dumbledore needed or wanted.

He smiled down at me. "Great. Thanks, Sirius," he approved. "Based on this unexpected attack on the States, I believe we need more round-the-clock surveillance on potentially known Death Eaters. Have we been able to track down Bellatrix Black or Rodolphus Lestrange's whereabouts?"

"We're still working on it," Frank spoke up, clearing his throat disappointedly. "Moody had a tip that Voldemort may be having regularly scheduled meetings at Malfoy Manor but myself and Alice have been tailing that house and so far not much has gone down there. We sure as hell haven't seen Bellatrix or Rodolphus coming in or out."

"Which in itself seems odd since that's where Bellatrix's sister lives," Alice muttered defeatedly.

Dumbledore merely nodded, his eyebrows knitting together curiously. "Well, keep on it," he urged. "We know she's Voldemort's right-hand woman so if we can get to her, we have a better shot of keeping him in our sights. And we don't want another potential Executioner situation on our hands."

A murmur of consented agreements filled the room. I shuddered at the reminder of the Executioner. He was one that reminded of us what could happen if Voldemort reaches his true breaking point. The Executioner was once Voldemort's right-hand man. They were a tag team, before any Death Eaters had really been recruited. We were all under the impression that the two of them believed they could singlehandedly (well double-handedly…) bring down the wizarding world so recruitment of Death Eaters hadn't been their main priority at the time. Until one day when the Executioner literally went berserk, killing a part of his family and then murdering nearly thirty Muggles in a local town. Ten Aurors tracked him down and he was inevitably killed.

Dumbledore's voice spoke through my reminiscing. "Is there any new business?"

James cleared his throat awkwardly, casting me a sideways glance before speaking up. I knew what he was going to say and pursed my lips in anticipation. "Er… the attacks on the west coast happened in the middle of the night and because we had no warning, most of the Death Eaters got away before Aurors could get on to the scene. But we did catch one," James murmured. "Regulus Black."

I tried ignoring the stares of the people I respected most in the world. Just the fact that the people I was joined with in the room dedicated their lives to taking down Voldemort was the sole reason that I could never disrespect any of them. "He'll be let off," I spoke up with a shrug. "He'll give up names of others. He's a coward."

Dumbledore nodded curtly, sharing a furtive smile with me. I think it was his way of telling me agreed with me.

James quickly continued before anyone else could get in a word edgewise and for that, I was thankful. "And an Auror from the French Auror office, Sydny Lafevre is transferring to our office."

"Thank you, James. Am I to assume you've already started the background check process?"

James nodded.

Dumbledore smiled proudly, though I could have sworn it felt forced. "I figured as much," he said. "I have some news for everyone. Starting at the end of January, we will finally begin advanced defense training with a heavy focus on nonverbal spells. Moody has offered up the basement training facilities, but in order for us to use them, Rufus Scrimgeour can't know. So I hate to tell you this, but these trainings will take place at midnight every other Friday night."

"Great, there goes date night," Frank joked, earning a laugh from the group.

Alice smacked him on the shoulder, rolling her eyes. "When was the last Friday you took me out on a date?"

Frank narrowed his eyes in scrutiny, pondering the question. He eventually gave up and shrugged, grinning sheepishly. "Touché."

Even Dumbledore couldn't help but chuckle. I had a feeling he was thinking the same thing I was: we had all come a long way in three years.

The meeting didn't last much longer with a promise from Dumbledore that we would all convene as one entity at least once more before Christmas.

"Anyone up for coming back to my place for some coffee?" Lily suggested as she gathered her things.

I quirked a curious eyebrow, thinking about our argument earlier that night. I was supposed to be going out with Georgia that night, but I still had time before I was planning on meeting her. "Any chance you have brownies or cookies lying around?"

Lily rolled her eyes at me (something that I have gotten used to from her over the years). "Y'know, Sirius, I have a _life_. I don't always have time to _bake_."

"Who said anything about baking?" I joked. "They can be storebought."

Lily threw her head back and laughed. "I think we might have some leftover pie, if that helps."

I grinned. "I'm there."

"I'm there, too," Fabian chimed in with a grin.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Now why does that not surprise me?"

James wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders, kissing her on the cheek. "I guess I could be persuaded to stop by for a little while."

"Count us out," Alice spoke up, smiling up at Frank. "I think we're just going to go home and celebrate our engagement."

I made a face, pretending to gag. "That's just code for a full night of kinky celebratory sex."

"Sirius!" Alice groaned. "Must you be so crude?"

I responded by flashing her a grin. "Of course. It's one of my many talents."

"Talents, burden. Same thing, hm?" she spoke with an amused arched eyebrow.

"For Sirius, yes," Fabian chimed in, ducking as I attempted to smack him.

We all waved our goodbyes to Alice and Frank and watched them apparate back to Frank's house in Alphamstone. The rest of us apparated back to Lily's flat on the outskirts of Godric's Hollow. "_Keegan_!" she cried out, throwing her jacket on to the coat rack. "Are you here? Are you awake? Most importantly, are you decent?"

"Ooh, I sure hope not," Fabian teased as a chuckle was heard from the kitchen. We all wandered into the kitchen where Lily's roommate and writer for the _Daily Prophet_, Keegan Rouge, was in the middle of chocolate chip cookies. "Hey there, sexy," Fabian said, kissing the side of her face. Oh, did I forget to mention she was also dating Fabian? Personally, I think Fabian could do better.

Fabian chuckled as he attempted to wipe flour from his girlfriend's forehead.

Keegan smiled before her eyes fell on me. She rolled her eyes. "Black, don't you have some girl to be rejected by?"

"No," I said bluntly, dipping my finger into the cookie batter. I gazed up at my friends. "Does that actually happen to people?"

Keegan rolled her eyes and slapped my hand away from her bowl. "Why must you be so revolting?"

"Why must you be so uptight?" I snapped. I couldn't tell you exactly how Keegan and I got off on the wrong foot. I remember meeting her in the beginning and finding her slightly charming. I tried being nice (probably flirted a tad…okay, a lot, because even though she's irritating as hell you can't deny the girl is good-looking), but her immediate reaction was to insult me and make snide remarks. It took all of five minutes before I realized the girl clearly didn't take a liking to me. So I, too, decided to not take a liking to her. I didn't know why at the time, still don't, but I always had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the fact that I had been the only unattached guy in our group of regular friends at the time and she had just had some sort of nasty break up with her boyfriend. I had a feeling she hadn't been too trusting of the single male species. Which is ironic since over a month later, she and Fabian started dating. "Now, I believe there was promise of pie."

"Not anymore," she said, throwing us all a sheepish look. "I had some of the staff over earlier for some last-minute editing and we finished it off."

"That's code for she ate it all," I chimed in, giving her a look. "Fatty."

"You two are so childish sometimes," Lily said, shaking her head incredulously. She wandered over to her coffee pot and reached for the filters. "Can you at least come up with better insults for those who have to listen to you bicker?"

"I just tone my insults down so he can understand me," Keegan said, her eyes flickering with amusement. She gestured for Fabian to hand her a cookie sheet.

"If you already had coworkers over, why are you making cookies _now_?" Fabian asked curiously, reaching underneath the oven to find a cookie sheet.

"Did you not get the concept behind the Fatty insult?" I snorted.

Fabian shot me a look and handed a cookie sheet to Keegan, ignoring me as he kissed her flour-covered forehead.

"Isn't midnight a good a time as any to make cookies?" she joked, scooping out the batter.

"If they're ready by the time I head home, then yes," Remus joked, hoisting himself on to the kitchen counter.

"What did your boss do to you this time?" I snorted at Keegan, handing Lily the coffee beans.

Keegan glared at me. A deathly glare that she saved just for me. Yay. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, please, we all know that you only bake when you're pissed off at Malone."

Keegan rolled her eyes, spooning the batter on to the cookie sheets and turning her back on me. "Malone is an idiot."

"Oh, yes, because we haven't heard that phrase before," I muttered under my breath sarcastically. "What did he do now? Give a scoop that you deserved to someone of the male gender?"

Keegan scowled. "You're officially banned from this household."

"That means I'm right."

"That means that unless you want this batter shoved down your pants, you can go home now."

I rolled my eyes, but before I could retort (with a cruel sexual innuendo that the others probably would have found inappropriate and less than amusing so it was probably best that I didn't utter it), Fabian stepped in, reaching for her hand and intertwining his fingers in hers. "What happened with Malone?"

Keegan rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "I don't really want to talk about him," she growled. "All you need to know is the guy's an ass."

"I thought you said he was an _idiot _before," Lily joked.

"Yeah, well I upgraded him to a full-fledged ass," she said with an amused shrug, sticking the cookies into the oven with the help of Fabian. She wiped her messy hands on the dish towel. "I hope you can all wait eighteen minutes."

I weighed my options. It was eighteen more minutes I had to spend with Keegan and eighteen more minutes I lost with Georgia. "I'm going to have to take a rain check," I muttered, stifling a yawn. Cookies weren't worth being in Keegan's presence. "I have to wake up early tomorrow."

"I thought you had a _date_," Lily murmured.

Damn. Forgot I had told her. "Okay, yes, I have a date. But _then _I have to wake up early tomorrow."

She rolled her eyes, but I was thankful she didn't respond. I wasn't surprised when Keegan chimed in. "What girl have you brainwashed tonight into thinking you're a gentleman?"

"I don't have to brainwash anyone," I retorted with an impish grin. "I simply flash my charming smile and the girls come running."

"Or _go _running," she snickered.

I rolled my eyes. "On that note, I'm out of here," I muttered.

Lily hopped off the kitchen counter and kissed my cheek. "Let us know if you find anything out tomorrow on the west coast."

I nodded. "Of course."

"I'll follow you out," Remus chimed in, finishing off his coffee quickly and levitating his mug towards the sink. "I have to be at the Ministry lab tomorrow morning at seven."

"I should probably go, too," Peter said, sighing. "Tomorrow morning's inventory."

"Suit yourself," Keegan said with a curt shrug. "I should probably finish editing my article anyway. I have a deadline due for the Sunday edition."

Lily grimaced, scrunching her nose. "When did we become those people?" she murmured, shaking her head in disbelief.

We all gazed at her curiously. "What people?" James asked.

Lily hesitated, glancing around the room at all of us with a look that I couldn't quite read. Which already, was unusual. I have been friends with her for so long that I can usually pinpoint every single emotion in her face. "Those people whose lives are solely based around their jobs."

James frowned. "Is that such a bad thing?"

"No, I never said it was a bad thing," Lily quickly corrected. "I just never thought it would be us."

"Elaborate," Keegan requested, gazing at her curiously.

She shrugged. "In Hogwarts, we took time to ourselves even when we were swamped with studying for exams and writing essays and finishing projects. We snuck into Hogsmeade and went for random strolls around the grounds and stole moments in broom closets and the Astronomy Tower and slipped into the kitchen for a late-night snack and we just hung out with each other for _hours _in the common rooms. We did a lot more relaxing back then," she clarified, smiling nostalgically.

"Well, we had more time to relax back then," James argued, sounding almost defensive.

Lily shrugged. "I know that," she murmured. "I'm simply saying that we've changed, that's all."

I couldn't agree with her more. Somewhere in the past three years, we went from impulsive kids to workaholic adults. Needless to say, I had never pictured myself as a workaholic anything, much less someone who had matured into an industrious_ grown-up_. Over time, it just because inevitable. And one day, I stopped trying to fight it and accepted adulthood. "Change happens," I said vaguely. "And you just have to learn to accept it unfortunately."

"Why does change have to be a bad thing?" James argued, gazing at us curiously.

No one responded. I was under the impression that perhaps James welcomed change a lot more than the rest of us. More because he's been forced to not necessarily because he's wanted to. But there were parts of my life that had changed that I was proud of and others I tried harder to ignore. I got the sense that I wasn't the only one. "I'm thinking that midnight is not the time for a philosophical discussion," I dissuaded.

"I'm thinking I agree," Fabian chimed in, stifling a yawn.

James frowned but slowly nodded. I could tell something was bothering him but I also knew him well enough to recognize that he, himself, wasn't entirely sure what was so unsettling. "Okay seriously, I think it's time I head out," I murmured.

"I actually have to go, too," Fabian muttered, earning a disappointed look from Keegan. He kissed her, ignoring the chorus of groans as we watched them. "Sorry, but I need to get back to my sister's place."

"At midnight?" Keegan pouted.

He laughed. "She has four children under the age of eight, including seven-month old twins. She's going slightly nuts and Arthur has been working around the clock. She basically just wants some help around the house so that _she _can get some much-needed sleep."

"How noble of you," she teased. She smiled, kissing him again and wiping flour from her forehead to playfully cover his cheek with. He laughed, winking at her, and made no motion to remove the white powder. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Fabian nodded and led me, Remus, and Peter out of the kitchen, all of us waving dismissively at our remaining friends (oh, and Keegan) before apparating home.

Georgia and I ended up back at Potter Manor a little bit later (we opted to skip out on grabbing a drink from Blarney's Pub and just went straight into a long night of shagging), but oddly enough, it was my brother that was mainly on my mind that night.

* * *

**+++KEEGAN+++**

When I became Lily's roommate, I simply had needed a place to live and heard she had a spare bedroom (through Lance actually. As a writer, I spent a lot of time in his book shop's café and somewhere along the lines, we had become friends. He had known that I recently broke up with my boyfriend who I had been living with and needed a place to live, so when he and Kay moved in together, he told me about Lily needing a roommate. Enter moi). But I never imagined that Lily would become more than just a roommate. In fact, I never thought her friends would become my friends either. I've always kept to myself and hoped that everyone else around me would do the same. But Lily had a way of making me realize that I didn't need to hide my present because of my past. I stopped holing myself up in my room whenever I was home and started to find myself wanting to get to know her better. And with Lily came her friends. Surprisingly, I didn't mind it.

Lily could bring me out of a horrible mood any day with her contagious laugh. She and James were a perfect fit and although sometimes it hurt seeing them so seamless together, I ultimately couldn't help but smile around them. I think that while I don't always show it, I had a lot in common with James. I'm not the greatest with showing my feelings and I get the sense that over time, James has become more withdrawn and guarded as well. One look into his eyes and I could tell that the tragedies he's been through had somewhat defined the person he'd become. Kay was the most down-to-earth out of the group and she's the girl I called up when I just wanted to take a casual stroll into town or grab a beer at Blarney's. I think she understood that sometimes I didn't want to have a serious discussion about the wizarding world's misfortunes or about my troubles at work with my asshole of a boss. Sometimes I wanted to have a lighthearted conversation about the last Quidditch match or what we think the best features of a guy are (personally, I think it's the eyes that draw me in). And Lance was the most dependable, protective guy I've ever met. He was constantly watching out for Kay and anyone could see that he genuinely loved her. Remus was a total sweetheart. He was the least selfish person I know and I believed he would do anything for anyone. I had only known him a couple of months before Jillian left him but he didn't deserve to be dumped on his wedding day. I barely knew Jillian, but I knew that if I ever ran into her again, I'd wring her neck for what she did to him. When Remus doesn't think that anyone's paying attention to him, I can really see how much her abandonment hurt him. I didn't know Peter very well. He was the quiet one in the group, but there was something I didn't trust about him. I knew enough to keep my eye on him. And Sirius…well, from the moment I met him, there was something about him that kept me on my toes. Something in his eyes, his demeanor, the words he spoke. He was like every other haughty single guy I had ever met and I was wary of it (I honestly think it had a lot to do with the fact that in a group of friends filled with so many couples, it was suspicious that he seemed to be the only one single). I basically refused to fall for his charm like I had unfortunately fallen for so many other guys in the past. It was easier keeping him at a distance.

I had met Fabian at one of the infamous Ministry parties. Usually, I avoided the Ministry parties, but Lily had convinced me it might be fun. And it was. Mostly because I ended up going home with Fabian. We've been dating for about five months. Which is about a month shy of when all of my break-ups happen. But that's really a story for another time.

I realized that they all grew up together and have shared so many wonderful memories together that I wasn't a part of. All of them have known each other for far longer than I've known them, but in a way, I didn't mind. They had their secrets and I had mine. The past was simply that: the past.

Sure, I got a twinge of jealousy when they all started reminiscing on their Hogwarts days. I thought about my time at Beauxbatons and it's hard not to smile. But when my life had been suddenly turned upside down, I had no other choice but to flee. I needed to get away from my family, my friends, and most of all, myself. I packed up my things and moved to England overnight and I hadn't looked back since.

But that doesn't mean I'd forgotten who I was back then. Or who I was with.

While James and Lily had always been so good at being warm and welcoming and I hardly felt like the third wheel around them, I knew that it had been a while since they spent longer than a few seconds together. So after I took the cookies out of the oven and we shared the gooeyness together, I started to throw the dirty dishes into the sink with the intention of sidestepping out of the room and leaving them in peace.

"Before you go, I have a little favor to ask of you," James said.

I hesitated, wondering what he could possibly need from me. "Sure, anything."

"I need some information on a new transfer recruit we're getting at the British offices. I was hoping you could go into your own journalism databases and scrounge around for me."

I nodded, grinning wickedly. Digging up dirt on people was not only my specialty but something I quite enjoyed. "Sure thing. What's her name?"

"Sydny Lafevre."

I nearly dropped the cookie sheet I had in my hand. "You're telling me that you're an Auror and you don't know who Sydny Lafevre is?" I asked, shocked.

He tensed up, sharing a confused glance with Lily. "Er…should I?"

"Does the name Slaughterhouse Syd ring a bell?"

He gasped, his jaw dropping open. "Sydny Lafevre is Slaughterhouse Syd?" His voice went up a few octaves.

"The one and only."

"Er…can I interrupt here and ask who the hell Slaughterhouse Syd is?" Lily asked sheepishly.

"She's an Auror with the French Auror office," I explained, squinting my eyes as I tried to remember a recent article I had read about her. "She's been said to be one of the best Aurors in Europe. Maybe even the world. She has sent more Death Eaters and dark wizards to Azkaban than everyone else in the French Auror office combined."

"Why the hell is the French office transferring her if she's such a strong asset?" James murmured, shaking his head. I could tell he thought it sounded unusually suspect. "It's not like we're in desperate need of exceptional Aurors. Not only is our office three times the size of the French office but we have been known to send a few Death Eaters to Azkaban ourselves from time to time." His sarcasm had a hint of bitterness to it. I wondered if he was slightly jealous of this apparently awesome transfer recruit.

I simply shrugged. "I couldn't tell you why the French office was transferring her," I murmured. "However, I can gladly dig up any information on her at the _Prophet_. Merlin knows there have been enough articles written about her."

"Great, I'd appreciate it," James urged.

"Did she go to Beauxbatons with you, Keegan?" Lily asked curiously.

I frowned, trying to rack my brain from my Beauxbatons days. "I don't know. If she's from France, it's a good guess that she went there but I can't recall. She is a few years older than me, but it's not like Beauxbatons is such a huge school I wouldn't at least recognize the name," I spoke, shrugging curiously. "Guess I'll be able to figure it out from doing research."

I finished sticking the dirty pans into the sink figuring I could clean them in the morning and started heading towards the kitchen door. "Now, it's been a few days since I've gotten a good night's sleep so please refrain from screaming at the top of your lungs during your sex marathon," I teased, earning a look from the both of them.

"We're not going to have sex," they both snorted in unison, staring up at each other in surprise.

I grimaced. Trouble in paradise? I didn't question it, however, and instead left them two to contemplate.

* * *

**+++JAMES+++**

Lily was glancing at me, shocked and confused. "You don't want to have sex?"

"You don't either!" I pointed out.

She shrugged and bit down on her lip like she often did when she was anxious about something. She slowly slid off the kitchen counter and headed into the living room. I quickly followed, joining her on the couch. "Lily, what's going on?" I asked hesitantly.

"I feel like we never spend any alone time together anymore," she said softly, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"We spent all Saturday together," I pointed out, reminding her of my sister's wedding.

"Yes, without about two hundred and fifty other guests," she snorted, giving him a look.

"Hm, you may have a point," I murmured, frowning.

"Rack your brain, James," she said. "When was the last time you and I spent time together just the two of us?"

I hesitated, reminiscing on the past few weeks. I thought of all the nights I spent with Lily and realized that there was always at least one other person there. We had gone to Friday night dinner at Franducci's with most of the gang. We had gone to Corner Joe's for our typical Sunday morning coffee and pastries, but Peter, Kay, and Lance had been there as well. I couldn't pinpoint the last night we spent at my house but I do know that Remus and Sirius had been there. And whenever we spent a night at Lily's apartment, Keegan was there and often, so was Fabian. I couldn't remember the last time I had planned a date for the two of us, probably because work always seemed to get in our way. And we always seemed to stay in instead of go out. I realized she was right. Wow, I was a bad boyfriend. "Good question," I sighed.

She slumped down on the couch, nodding solemnly. "Do you realize that before Saturday, we hadn't had sex in _thirteen days_?"

I frowned. "No way was it that long."

She made a face. "You're the guy. Aren't _you _supposed to be keeping track?" There was a hint of a smile tugging at the end of her mouth.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Okay, so maybe we've been a little busy. But-"

"Well, maybe I'm tired of us always being busy," she sighed. "Or maybe I'm just tired of us using that as our excuse."

"I wouldn't call our work an excuse," I argued.

She sighed, offering me a lopsided guilty smile. She reached for my hand tracing circles on the back of my hand comfortingly. "It is though," she said thoughtfully. "We break dates for deadlines, you disappear on missions for days and I have no idea where you are or what you're doing, I travel to the States often and am out of touch with you, we spend pretty much fifteen hours at the office every day leaving very little time for us, we miss out on Friday Night Dinners and Sunday morning coffee dates to finish paperwork. Must I go on?"

"No," I muttered, shaking my head. I hesitated. "You're right," I found myself whispering. "When _did_ we become these people?" I reiterated her earlier question. I had an excuse for an answer to that one: probably around the time JT died. But she was right. It just sounded like an excuse.

She offered me a crooked smile. "I love how career-oriented you are, James," she said cautiously. "You've barely been out of the recruitment program for five months and yet you're already climbing the ladder of success. I'm so proud of you. But I don't want you to forget about the rest of us as you climb that ladder."

I felt my ears turning pink at the unwarranted compliment. "Good Godric, I could never forget about you," I reassured firmly. "Is that what you're afraid of?"

She shook her head. "Maybe forget isn't the right word. Neglect maybe?"

I cringed. "I have been…distant lately, haven't I?"

She merely shrugged. Which was a yes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and I meant it. I brushed her hair back from her face, noting that her green eyes were filled with genuine concern. "I hope you know how much I love you, Lily," I whispered, leaning over to kiss her.

She smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck and drawing me close, intensifying the kiss. But only slightly. "I know," she whispered back, throwing her legs over my lap. "And I love you, too. But it would be hell of a lot easier loving you if I actually got to spend time with you."

I snickered, kissing the nape of her neck. Good Godric, thirteen days? How did I keep my hands off this beautiful girl for thirteen days? "Well," I murmured suggestively. "We're alone now." I quirked an eyebrow and I was thrilled to see a grin spread across her face.

"I like the way you think, Potter," she whispered before pulling me close to her and pressing her lips firmly against mine.

Yep, I definitely loved her.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I awoke early the next morning to a loud gasp mixed with a scream. "That's my couch!"

I popped my head up groggily and smiled sheepishly at Keegan, who was shielding her eyes. "What happened to no sex?" she snorted, quickly whisking herself away into the kitchen.

James stifled a yawn and peeked an eye open. "Was that Keegan I heard?"

"Yes, and I think she's going to start looking for a new apartment," I giggled. "Or at least a new apartment mate."

James laughed and kissed my cheek. He scrounged around for our clothes and quickly handed me whatever he could find.

"I don't have the time to go apartment-hunting or roommate-hunting," Keegan's voice carried from the kitchen. "But I'm definitely going couch-shopping!"

I laughed and headed into the kitchen, James right on my heels. "Coffee?" I asked the other two who nodded vigorously. I reached for the coffee grounds and poured water into the pot with a flick of my wand. "And we need a new couch considering there's still that stain from when Sirius spilt an entire bottle of firewhisky on it so if you want to go ahead and go couch-shopping, then I'm definitely going to stand by the impulse couch sex."

Keegan couldn't help but laugh, giving me a look. "Who wants pancakes?"

"Definitely me," James agreed with a grin. "After I shower."

I kissed him on the cheek before he sauntered out.

"Try not to taint the shower! I don't have time to remodel the bathroom on top of searching for a new couch!" Keegan called out, earning a chuckle from the both of us.

"Had anyone ever told you that you are overly blunt?" I snickered.

She flashed me a grin. "Of course."

I laughed and slipped into an empty seat at the small round kitchen table. "So, how are things going with Fabian?"

I noticed Keegan hesitate. "They're fine," she said with a shrug and a smile as she flicked her wand and all of the pancake ingredients went soaring towards her.

"Why do you not sound convinced?"

"No, no, I am," she argued immediately. "I like him. A lot. We have fun together."

"Fun?" I questioned curiously. "That's it?"

"For now."

"What do you mean 'for now?'" I snorted. "You've been with him for almost six months."

She didn't respond, but I didn't expect her to. She stalled by pouring the ingredients into a bowl.

"Okay, what's going on?" I demanded.

She rolled her eyes. "Nothing. We're having fun. What's wrong with that?"

I frowned. There was such hesitance in her voice. "Nothing's wrong with it, you just don't sound convinced."

She didn't respond but surprisingly, I wasn't expecting her to.

I sighed. "Can I ask a question?"

She sighed. "Of course."

"How long was your longest relationship?"

I saw her stiffen immediately. "Why does that matter?"

"Just curious. You never talk about your past relationships."

"Well, neither do you!"

"That's because my past relationships pretty much consist of James. Oh and a three-month teenage relationship with Shane. But that's-"

"Shane? As in Redford? Your _coworker_?" Keegan said, turning around with a glint of amusement in her eye.

"Nice try but we are so not changing the subject."

"Does James know about this?" she teased.

"Yes, and we are _not _changing the subject, Keegan!" I whined.

"We most certainly are," she argued, shrugging as she turned back around to stir the ingredients.

I sighed. "Why is it that whenever we all talk about relationships, you clam up and successfully change the subject?"

"Maybe because I'm not as lucky as you to be with the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with," she retaliated.

I hesitated, confused. "So Fabian's not someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with?" I asked.

"None of the guys I date ever are." She poured the pancake batter onto the griddle, ignoring all eye contact with me.

I sensed discomfort and regret in her voice. I had a feeling she was hiding something. "What do you mean?"

She sighed, reaching for a spatula. "I just mean that…that you're lucky," she murmured, turning her back on me with a sigh. "Love doesn't come around often, Lily. And you've found it. So you should hold on to it as best you can."

I frowned. "When did this become about me?"

She shrugged. "Don't be so caught up in the whole marriage thing that you don't appreciate what you have."

My heart skipped a beat. "Just because we're not getting married anytime soon doesn't mean I don't appreciate him," I said softly, suddenly believing in my own words. All of the weddings and engagements recently may have been making me a tad anxious, but that didn't change what James and I already had. "I love him. That's all that matters."

"You better be referring to me," James drawled, entering the kitchen as he dried his hair with a towel. He kissed me on the side of the cheek before gesturing for Keegan to give him a cup of coffee.

She made a face, pouring him a cup. "How is it that guys can take three-minute showers?"

"Because we're blessed with the fast desire to shampoo and condition in order to get back to more important things."

Keegan shot him a look.

"I bet that was rhetorical."

She laughed and handed him a mug of coffee. "Besides, I'm sure there are…ahem, _other_ fast desires you think about in the shower."

"Ew," I shuddered. "Why must you be so perverted?"

She flashed me a grin. "I was born this way, dah-ling," she said, turning up her nose dramatically.

"That, I am not surprised to hear," I snorted. "Now hand me a stack of pancakes so that I can rush off to work. I have a ton of paperwork that unfortunately won't complete itself."

James groaned. "Don't remind me. I've been hoping that if I ignore the pile of paperwork on my desk, it would somehow disappear on its own volition."

"Oh, yeah, and how's that working for you?" Keegan asked with a hint of a smile.

James frowned. "Not so well. More just keeps being added to it funnily enough."

"Shocking how that works," Keegan joked. She flipped the pancakes on to the large platter and handed them to James. "Now, hurry up and eat because I've gotta be out of here in exactly twenty minutes."

I grabbed the butter and syrup from the refrigerator and slipped back into the seat at the kitchen table. "Well, then, I guess there's nothing else to say but dig in."

Keegan grinned. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I rushed back to Potter Manor to change into another set of clothes before heading to work. As I was about to traipse into my own room, I heard voices coming from Sirius' room. My initial instinct was to roll my eyes, under the impression he was trying to kick a girl out, but I realized a half a second later that it was Peter's voice I was hearing conversing with Padfoot.

I peeked my head in and a quick survey of the room had Sirius perched at the entranceway to his bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth, Peter casually sprawled across Sirius' bed with the _Daily Prophet_, and Remus straddling Sirius' desk chair with the Sports section of the newspaper. "Peter, what are you doing here?" was my first question (I wasn't surprised to find out later that he had crashed at our place).

The three of them barely looked my way before continuing whatever conversation they had been having before I interrupted. "Just say it, Moony," Sirius spoke.

"No."

"Three words! Not that difficult!"

"It's not the difficulty of the words that is stopping me from saying them. It's because you're an idiot."

"An idiot? Or a god?"

"Idiot."

"Or a god?"

"Padfoot!"

He grinned before slipping into the bathroom. As the sink turned on, I turned towards Remus. "Why is Padfoot a god?"

"He's not," Remus said, rolling his eyes as he let his gaze linger further on the Quidditch standings in the newspaper.

"Am, too!" Sirius' voice cried out from the bathroom.

Remus rolled his eyes. "I assure you that I am not going to now, nor will I ever, be calling you any sort of god, Sirius Black. Your head is plenty big enough without me complimenting you."

"So why is Padfoot _not _a god?" I dared to ask, leaning up against the doorframe.

"I am a god!"

"According to Georgia maybe, but not me!" Remus cried out.

My eyebrow arched in utter confusion. "Who the hell is Georgia?"

"The chick he had over last night," Peter finally chimed in, stifling a yawn.

"Correction: the _hot _chick I had over last night," Sirius spoke, reappearing from the bathroom. "The hot chick who called me a god."

"I don't even want to know why," I sighed, a cheeky grin spreading across my face.

Sirius grinned. "I'm pretty sure you could guess."

Remus groaned, shuddering. "Please don't guess."

"Say it, Moonylicious!"

Remus shot him a look. "That is so not going to be a nickname you'll be encouraging."

"I don't know, it has a nice ring to it," I chimed in with a shrug, meeting Sirius' amused eye.

"So does Prongress but after you shot that nickname down five years ago by hexing Padfoot, we learned to let it die out. But if you want to welcome the idea of me hexing you, please feel free to call me Moonylicious."

I couldn't help but laugh, remembering back to our fifteen-year-old selves when Moony, Wormtail, Prongs, and Padfoot had really grown into the Marauders. We had been so immature and probably spent most of our time in detention, but I wouldn't change a single minute of it. "Alright, fine. No calling Moony Moonylicious. I'll make a mental note."

"You caved far too quickly," Sirius sighed overdramatically.

"Would you like me to go back to calling you Paddington Bear?" I teased.

Sirius scowled. "The only name you all should be calling me is _God_. Remus-"

"I'm not saying it!" Remus scowled.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Wormsicle, be a doll and convince Remus I'm a god, will ya?"

He glanced up from the front page news. "Wormsicle?" Peter repeated curiously. "Where the hell did that come from?"

"Hm, not sure, but go with it."

"I most certainly will not, _Paddington Bear_."

"_Lukeworm_."

"Padfoot-in-mouth."

"Sqwormy."

"St. Paddy."

"Moony Lisa."

"HEY!"

Sirius grinned sheepishly at Remus. "I ran out of Wormtail nicknames."

"Why do you insist on nicknaming our already provided nicknames?" Remus sighed.

"Dunno. Must I have a reason?" Sirius said with his trademark grin.

"Have you ever not been annoying?"

"Can't be certain but I highly doubt it."

I found myself grinning at the banter between my friends. No matter what was going on in my life – work, play, relationship, family, friends, etc. – it was great knowing that the Marauders would never cease to exist. We could get through anything as long as we had each other and I was proud to call them my friends.

"Oy, Prongs!"

I snapped out of my own head at the sound of Peter's voice. "What?" I asked innocently.

He rolled his eyes. "Answer the question."

"Er…what question?"

Sirius snorted. "Gee, are we boring you?" he drawled sarcastically. "Who's hotter? Georgia or Melinda?"

"Haven't I already pointed out I have no idea who this Georgia bird is?"

"But you don't deny that Melinda is hot?" Sirius continued with a smirk.

"The barmaid?" I asked curiously. "From Blarney's?" Our go-to pub.

"What other Melinda do you know?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm going to go with the answer I always go with: Lily is the hottest girl I know."

"Merlin, you're so boring," Sirius sighed. "At least tell me you got laid last night."

I rolled my eyes. "Why do all of our conversations inevitably turn to sex?"

Sirius blinked, sharing a curious look with the other two. "Are there other topics of conversation?"

I couldn't help but laugh at my best friend. "Keegan found Lily and myself this morning on the couch and has decided she will be buying a new couch. Enough said."

My three friends erupted in laughter. "That's fine. You need a new one after Padfoot spilled an entire bottle of firewhisky on-"

"It was half a bottle! Why is it whenever that story resurfaces, people always say it was an entire bottle?" he muttered, shaking his head. He was smart to attempt to change the subject as he leaned gracefully against the bathroom doorframe. "And, pray tell, Prongsie, was Lily's bedroom not adventurous enough for you?"

"Yeah, what's with you and couches recently?" Remus snorted, reminding me of my encounter with Lily on Saturday night.

"Hey, at least _I'm _getting some!" I argued, flashing him a grin.

Remus rolled his eyes and was about to retort when of course Sirius chimed in. "But does Miss Lilykins call _you _a god?"

"You're not a god!" Remus and Peter both spoke in unison.

Sirius chose to ignore them. "On second thought, I don't need to know about your mushy dirty talk, Prongsie."

I rolled my eyes, trying so hard not to laugh at the weird turn this conversation had made. "Good, because I so wasn't going to tell you."

Sirius turned back towards the other two. "Alright, we still have a question that needs to be answered."

"I can assure you that whatever question it is it probably does not _need _to be answered," Remus sighed.

"Sure it does! Who's hotter: Georgia or Melinda and hell, we'll even throw in Lily-bean."

"I'm not answering that."

"Oh, c'mon, Moonylicious!"

"SIRIUS!"

"What? It's a simple question."

"That's not why I was screaming your name, _Paddington Bear_."

A sly smirk spread across Sirius' face. "People do often like to scream my name out. Mostly women. Including Georgia. Followed with 'Sirius, you're a god.'"

"I'm not saying you're a god, Sirius!"

Sirius sighed. "Once you admit it, Moony, you'll feel better about yourself."

"Can't even begin to imagine how." Sirius opened his mouth to retort but Moony hastily continued, "Nor do I want to!"

"How is it that Sirius dragged you both into his room this morning to discuss whether or not he was a god instead of you traipsing off to work?" I dared asking.

Remus and Peter locked eyes and couldn't help but let out reluctant sighs. "Damnit," Remus swore, shaking his head. "Because unfortunately, Georgia was hot. And not like any other girl hot. But a could-have-been-a-model kind of hot. A probably-has-been-a-model-in-a-past-life kind of hot."

"_Melinda _kind of hot," Peter added.

I rolled my eyes. "So you two are just vicariously living through Sirius Black? You sure that's wise."

"Sounds to me like a certain Prongress is jealous," Sirius mused teasingly.

"Don't make me hex you, _Paddington Bear_."

"You would never," Sirius said dismissively, reaching into his closet for a set of wizarding robes. "Now, I've got to head out to the west coast, but please feel free to continue musing on my status of god while I'm gone."

"_Continue _musing?" Remus snorted. "Pretty sure we weren't musing over that to begin with."

"Nonsense, it's something you all probably muse over often," he argued, shaking his head as he pocketed his wand. "Catch you tonight at dinner?" Every other Friday, the gang all got together for dinner.

"You going to be back in time?" Remus asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Guess it depends on what I find," he contemplated, heading towards me. I stepped aside so he could slide past. "But don't worry. If not at dinner, you can find another time to call me a god, Moonylicious."

I yelped and ducked as a jet of light from Remus' way came flying my way.

Sirius grinned, dodging the hex as well, before rushing down the hallway. "YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ADMIT IT ONE DAY! I'M FREAKIN' AWESOME, MOONYLICIOUS!"

"Some days I wish murder was legal," Remus sighed, but a grin played on his lips.

Peter and I couldn't help but laugh.

Spending a morning with the Marauders was always a good way to start the day.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I strolled off the elevator on to the fifth floor of the Ministry, the _Daily Prophet _folded under my arm and a latte in my hand. I barely walked three steps before I was bombarded, which wasn't an unusual occurrence.

"Lily, has Canada signed the new cauldron trade agreement yet?" Nyger Lunder, the Head of the International Magical Office of Law, cornered me before I could whisk into my office.

"Of course not because Grailand Watkins is an idiot," I snorted, giving my boss a look. Nyger Lunder was one hell of a boss, more like a friend. He could probably make his way up in the ranks within the Ministry but he had always had a knack and a strong interest in international policy which is why he remained farther down on the totem pole than he probably deserved. "I'm meeting with him later so he can, oh what did he say, 'touch upon the more indistinct details.'"

Nyger rolled his eyes. "I think he just likes to torture us to get a rise out of us."

I couldn't help but nod, chuckling.

"Well, see if you can knock some sense into him later."

"I can try, but let's face it. Next week, he'll find some other reason not to sign it."

"The guy's a prick," he snorted. "Why is Canada always the last country to sign any proposal or agreement we send out?"

I knew it was rhetorical and Lunder nodded his goodbye before meandering back to his office.

"Lily!"

I made a face and turned to my right to face Shane Redford, the Senior Advisor to South America and my friend. "What now?"

He glanced at me curiously. "Gee, that was welcoming."

I laughed, smiling guiltily. "Sorry. I haven't had my morning coffee yet."

"Oh, well, what was I thinking hunting you down before you injected yourself with caffeine?" he teased, falling into stride with me as we headed back to our offices. He nodded to the latte in my hand. "Drink up. I have business to discuss."

I took a sip to amuse him and walked into my office with Shane quickly behind me, sliding into the extra chair in front of my desk (It's still hard to believe that I have my own desk much less my own office). Shane shot me a sheepish grin and said, "I hate to do this to you, but-"

My loud groan interrupted whatever he was planning on saying next. "You're forcing me along on one of your business trips, aren't you." It wasn't a question. I knew exactly what he had intended to say.

He shrugged guiltily, propping his feet up on my desk for the sole reason that he knew it irritated me. "Lunder needs me to travel to Philadelphia next week for the International Wizarding Trade Conference. He told me to take you or Gunther with me and we both know how I feel about Gunther."

Franz Gunther was the Senior Advisor to Mexico and Central America and the oldest guy with the Department. Needless to say, his company wasn't always sought after. "These are the times where I hate that we get along so well," I murmured, a hint of a smile tugging on my face.

"I know. It's really more of a curse than a gift," he teased. "But I am going to have to play the 'you owe me' card. You forced me along to Brazil last month for that boring tax and tariff summit."

I winced, remembering specifically that Shane and I had downed our boredom with a few shots paid for by the Ministry. "Damnit," I muttered. I sighed. "When do we leave?"

Shane grinned, basking in his victory. "Tuesday and we don't get back until Friday."

I grabbed my planner from my briefcase and sifted through it. I sighed when I realized I had no reason not to go. "Fine, count me in," I caved. "But don't think I won't get drunk in order to get through all of the discussion panels."

Shane snorted. "I plan on keeping a healthy buzz the entire time I'm there."

I chuckled. I had gone to Hogwarts with Shane and he had been a Gryffindor as well, but he was a year older. He reminded me a lot of Sirius in certain ways and sometimes I wonder if he had been born a year later if he would have been a Marauder along with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. On a completely different note, I had dated Shane for almost three months when I was fourteen but it had quickly fizzled out just as soon as it had begun. I could blame it on the fact that I was young and had no idea how to be in a relationship but I think that Shane and I will always make better friends than anything else. Surprisingly, James really enjoyed Shane's company and I think he had forgotten all about my brief relationship with Shane. At least I hope he has.

"How's James doing?"

It was as if he had read my mind. I smiled immediately, thinking back to the prior night with James. "He's good," I said, shrugging. "Busy. We haven't had a lot of time to spend together lately."

"What else is new?" Shane snickered. "I guess that's what you unfortunately get for dating an Auror."

"Or maybe it's due to all of these business trips that _somebody _keeps springing on me," I joked, flashing him a smile.

"Just think: we'll get paid for working overtime," he argued, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

"Ahh, I knew there was an upside."

"Yes, because it couldn't possibly have been the person you'll be accompanying on the trip."

"Nope, not at all." I ducked as he chucked a quill from my desk at me. "Do you really think throwing a sharp object at my face is a good idea?" I pouted.

"I made sure not to aim for the eyes."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Gee, how thoughtful of you," I drawled sarcastically. "Now get back to work, Funny Boy. Or at least let me get back to the mountain of paperwork I have. Especially considering I won't have time to fill any of this out _next week_."

Shane chuckled and slowly stood up. Before he departed my office, he shot over his shoulder, "Just remember: healthy buzz!"

I grinned. "I'll try and remember to bring the flask!"

I could hear him laughing down the hallway.

* * *

**A/N: **And that's the end of chapter 2. A little more going on. LOVE the Marauder banter! And of course I adore James and Lily. Don't think I've forgotten that they are uspposed to be the main characters in this story (although, who doesn't want a bit of fun Marauder plot lines, too?) And I have introduced more characters - Keegan & Shane to be specific. They'll both show up from time to time in this story. This was a bit of a filler chapter. Not a whole lot going on but I'm just trying to set the character development up for the future chapters. It will get more exciting, I promise! Not much else to add except please tell me what you think! Reviews give me the motivation to update...just saying :)


	3. Of Waitresses, Prats, & Medals

**A/N: **A few people have requested I put a mini summary in here about what had happened in Tears on the Balcony and Kisses on the Balcony so here goes: Lily's parents died when she was eight and she was forced to live in an orphanage until she turned eighteen. She hasn't spoken to her sister since she went off to Hogwarts at age 11. She had a tough time opening up to anyone during Hogwarts but Sirius eventually found out about her family (or lack thereof) and he told the guys. Lily let her guard down and let James into her life wholeheartedly where they officially got together (after a few kisses and a fist fight) just a few days after New Year's Eve. They had their ups and they had their downs but right after graduation, James on a complete whim asked Lily to marry him. They decided the timing was off so Lily said in the future, there better be a ring and that in the future, she would say yes. James is from a large family that is sadly dwindling in front of his very eyes. The second oldest Potter, Wyatt, disappeared the day after he had graduated and no one knows where he went off to. The oldest brother, Brite, was an Auror and during a secret training Auror mission he was killed along with a few others, including Fabian Prewett's older brother. Before Brite was killed Death Eaters had been spotted in the South Asian area so they had created a diversion by killing the French Minister of Magic's family so that the wizarding world was grieving for them and not aware than attack was about to be made. Mr. Potter blamed himself for these incidents and left his wife to flee to Italy to become Second-in-Command in the Auror offices there. Down the street from the Potters (they all lived in a neighborhood known as Auror row) lived the Gilmores: another large family that includes Lance (Kay's fiance) and Riley. Riley grew up with James and was his best friend. She was also sorted into Gryffindor and became best friends with Kay and Lily. She started off as best friends with Sirius as well but after they made a whimsical decision to sleep together and start dating in their fifth year, Sirius made a huge mistake by running off scared and cheated on Riley with James' cousins Rhea. Riley found out and thus began the enemy stage of Sirius and Riley for the next two years. But they found their way back to each other...just to become once again ripped apart with the help of a flirty, lying prefect Rachael LeBlanc. Sirius started "dating" her while Riley used a guy named Rhett Davies to be her rebound. But naturally they finally found their way back to each other again when Sirius confessed he was in love with her...but oh wait, once again they got ripped apart. Riley got a job with the Australian Daily Record (she's always wanted to be a writer) so she was supposed to leave for Australia a week after graduation. However, she disappeared in the middle of the night only two days after graduation leaving behind a note that said 'I'm sorry' and a locket that Sirius had given to her for graduation with their young photos in it. Riley was the only girl that Sirius had ever loved. Kay and Lance met each other on a Gilmore vacation the summer before their final year at Hogwarts. Riley was livid when she found out and Kay broke up with Lance to keep her friendship with Riley. But Riley finally realized how ridiculous she was being and got Kay and Lance back together. They've been together ever since. Remus started dating a girl a year younger than him, Jillian Greene, his final year at Hogwarts even though he had reservations about it (him being a werewolf and all) and while they had their difficulties, they were an adorable couple who sincerely loved each other. Dumbledore invited the Marauders, Lily, and Severus Snape to join the Order towards the end of their final year at Hogwarts and they all accepted. James also followed his lifelong dream of becoming an Auror.

Aaaand she lets out a deep breath because that was a very long ramble!

**Disclaimer: **Alas, I am not the talented J.K. Rowling...at least I don't think I am...

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 3: Of Waitresses, Prats, & Medals

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I had been at the States all day which turned out to sadly be an unsuccessful Order mission. There was definite permanent damage done on the West Coast but nothing out of the ordinary as far as I could tell. It seemed like a fairly straightforward attack, one that had clearly been pre-planned. We still don't know why California was chosen. If Voldemort was really interested in forming an attack on the US, I would have guessed Philadelphia where the Ministry building was stationed would have been his primary choice. So while it was evident the attack had been pre-planned and straightforward, something definitely felt off about this.

"Sirius? What are you doing here?"

I glanced away from the rubble in front of me to the sound of Moody's voice. "Hey, Moodster. Dumbledore sent me."

He nodded grimly, rolling his eyes at my ridiculous nickname. "Finding anything?"

I shrugged. "Bodies," I muttered, shuddering instinctively. An explosion had rippled through the coastal town of Mendocino. Buildings were destroyed, homes were cracked down the middle, cars were overturned, and debris lined the streets. I wasn't doing much digging under the wreckage as that was sadly a job for the Auror departments, but it was hard to ignore the damage surrounding me.

He met my gaze and frowned. "All Muggles?"

I merely shrugged. "Based on dress, mainly," I spoke slowly. "But from eavesdropping, there were a few ex-Aurors on the deceased list."

Moody nodded. "Yeah, Humphries mentioned that to me," he murmured, referring to the Second-in-Command with the North American Ministry Auror Department. "We haven't figured out why there may have been ex-Aurors out here in California."

"Hopefully, an answer will come us."

He shrugged but I could tell he was unconvinced. "Damn, they really slaughtered this town," he sneered, shaking his head in his usual determined way.

I sighed, nodding knowingly. "This was clearly planned. How did we miss this coming?" I muttered. The Order was supposed to be ahead of the game, not blindsided.

"Speak for yourself."

Moody and I turned towards the sound of a voice. I was immediately captivated by a blonde-haired beauty, her wand twirling loosely in her right hand. "You knew this was coming?" I asked curiously, responding to her comment.

She met Moody's gaze, shrugging curtly. "Who do you think caught Regulus Black?" she spoke, her accent sounding quite effortless.

Moody winced slightly beside me and I instinctively stiffened. I tried to pinpoint her accent with very little success. Seemed to me it was a mixture of a few. "Wow, a whole Death Eater," I drawled sarcastically. "Considering the slaughter that occurred here, my guess is there was more than one involved."

She eyed me up curiously, seemingly unperturbed by my sarcasm. "You an Auror?" she questioned.

I hesitated but Moody answered on my behalf. "He's with me."

She merely grunted. While very beautiful, the stony look on her face was very standoffish and made her look quite hostile.

"What a pleasant greeting," I drawled sarcastically. "And you are?"

Her eyes barely grazed mine before she turned back to Moody. "Humphries is looking for you," she spoke coolly. "They found some unclaimed wands in the rubble."

Moody nodded as the girl disappeared without so much as a goodbye.

"Who was that?" I asked him, my gaze following her as she sashayed through the crowd of people and wreckage.

"A bitch on wheels," he uttered without so much as thinking about it. He merely shrugged, glancing sideways at me. "Keep your head down and your eyes and ears open, Black," he suggested. "There's something here."

I spent the remainder of the day on the outskirts of the wreckage, looking for any sort of clue as to why California was even on Voldemort's radar with not much success. I returned to my apartment by early evening, wondering if I had just wasted the day and hoping Moody was having more luck.

I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was grab a beer and sit in front of the television watching old WiziSports (I don't know what Muggle came up with the idea of a TV, but I am definitely a huge fan. I'm an even bigger fan of the wizard who realized he could make a fortune recording old Quidditch matches with a wizarding camcorder and releasing them to the WiziSports TV station). But James insisted that I make an appearance at Friday night dinner with the gang since I had missed the last one. And the one before that.

Don't get me wrong, I love Friday night dinners. My friends are pretty much my life. I don't know how I'd survive without them. But lately, Lily had been on my case about my not-so-appealing womanizing behaviors and it was irritating me. I enjoyed pushing her buttons to a certain extent because I liked seeing her squirm, but I also hated the look of disapproval in her eyes staring back at me when I did. I couldn't figure out why she had chosen now to become so adamently opposed to my sexual tendencies but I honestly didn't rightly care.

Speaking of people who pushed one's buttons, I had no desire to spend any more time with Keegan than necessary and I knew that she was planning on being at dinner that night. Keegan got under my skin like no one ever has before. It's not playful or in a joking manner. From the moment I met her, that girl decided she was going to hate me. And I didn't do anything to her except say hi. I tried to strike up a conversation (keeping the flirting to a minimum, I swear) and she had no desire to chat me up. I had no idea why the girl despised me, but I didn't care enough to question it. I was more than happy to hate her back. Talk about a bitch on wheels.

So there I was at Bosco's Trattoria with a menu in my hand wishing I was home. James and Lily were there talking quietly to each other, probably updating each other on the events of their day. Remus and Kay were having an animated discussion about some new form of medicine that had recently been unveiled. Lance and Fabian were conversing with Peter about the Quidditch standings. Dezzy and Drew were obviously absent that night, seeing as they were still on their honeymoon, a backpacking tour through South America, but Caleb sat there chatting with his wife, Shannon, about her recent bouts of morning sickness (oh, yeah, has someone mentioned that they were going to have a baby in a few months?). Occasionally, Rafe would make an appearance, or Alice and Frank or Gideon and Marlene would tag along, but they all had declined the invitation for tonight.

"Sorry I'm late!"

I suppressed the urge to groan as Keegan slid into an empty seat between Lily and Remus.

"I got held up going over the final edition of the layout," she explained, making a face.

"Like we haven't heard that one before," I snorted, rolling my eyes at her.

She shot me a glare as she wriggled out of her jacket. There was a sly glint of amusement in her eye and I had a feeling I wouldn't want to hear what she had to say next. "I hear congratulations are in order, Black."

I quirked an eyebrow. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."

She smiled. A devious smile. A smile that I did not like one bit. "According to an article being published in the Sunday edition, your cousin is getting married tomorrow."

I froze. Considering I had two blood cousins, I didn't know which she was referring to. But I didn't honestly care considering both were engaged to murderous villains. "So what?"

"I just thought you'd want to know you're gaining another member of the family."

"I highly doubt you know anything about my family, Rouge," I grunted, glaring at her.

She snorted. "I'm a writer at the _Daily Prophet_, which thrives itself on giving the public the juicy information about Voldemort and his supporters. I know more than you think."

Hm. She had a point. I didn't know how much she knew and I was pretty sure I didn't really want to find out. "Well, as much as I appreciate being informed of a Death Eater marrying another," I said dryly, "I could care less."

"No, but you might care that a certain groomsman – well ex-groomsman now – was just released from Azkaban."

I hesitated. The only person I could assume she was referring to was Regulus. "I highly doubt he'll be showing his face at the wedding," I snorted. "If he was let out of Azkaban, he must have released some names to the Ministry and his fellow Dark Arts supporters wouldn't be too pleased about that."

"Wait a minute," Kay finally chimed in, narrowing her eyes in confusion. "Who was just released from Azkaban? Or I guess a better question is who was _sent _to Azkaban to begin with?"

I slumped down in my chair. Yeah, I definitely should have stayed home tonight.

The table exchanged simultaneous worried glances and Kay frowned. "It's times like these I wish I was engaged to an Auror."

"Aw, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said about me," Lance drawled sarcastically, a hint of a smile tugging on the ends of his mouth.

She let out a strained grin, turning back to the group. "Well? Who were you referring to, Keegan?"

She frowned ever-so-slightly, glancing undeniably in my direction. "Regulus," I interrupted before she could spill the beans, my tone harsher than intended. "Now where the hell is our waitress?"

I ignored the next set of concnered glances shared between my friends, gazing around the restaurant for our waitress, Michelle. I know that Keegan was trying to get me riled up and sadly, it was working. But one mention of my family was enough to make my blood boil. I hated every single one of them with such a fiery passion it actually made me physically ill. Everything they stood for made me cringe and shudder at the even remote possibility that I could have been one of them. That I _should _have been one of them. What if I had never been sorted into Gryffindor? What if my family name and their value system had actually settled harmoniously in the forefront of my mind? What if I had never turned my back on my family to live a life of solitary judgment just based on my surname? I could go through the 'what ifs' until my head exploded but I quickly shook the questions from my mind. I had rightfully shunned the Black family name and everything they believed in the moment I was sorted into Gryffindor. And Keegan had no idea what I had gone through in the past twenty-one years nor should she pretend that she did.

I was grateful that everyone else knew to keep their mouth shut. I knew they were sending frantic looks at each other as my eyes were focused elsewhere but I'd rather them do it silently than express their concerns aloud.

I spotted Michelle's blonde hair walking out of the kitchen and I attempted to flag her down. Not only because I wanted a drink but because she had one hell of an arse that I wanted to get a better look at. She flashed me a smile and made her way over. The way her eyes were drawn to me I had a feeling I wasn't the only one with an attraction.

"We are in need of alcohol," I said, grinning slyly.

She giggled, batting her eyelashes at me as she leaned down towards the drink menu giving me a nice view of her perky breasts. A definite sign she was into me. "Well, what are you interested in?" she asked.

_You_, I couldn't help but think.

I noted the rolling of the eyes from Lily opposite me. "I guarantee what he's interested in isn't on the menu," she chimed in, flashing me a grin.

I merely grinned myself and ordered a scotch. The rest of the table ordered their drinks and as the waitress left, I let my eyes linger on her tight buttocks.

"Could you be more obvious?" Lily snorted.

I turned back to her. "Yeah, probably," I said shrugging. It wasn't meant to be a joke but my friends laughed anyway.

"You probably don't even know her name."

"Not true," I argued, shooting her a look. "It's Michelle."

"It's _Melissa_."

Damn. "Oh. I was close."

She pursed her lips but seeing as James had just placed his hand on her arm and gave her a look signaling her to give it a rest, she didn't bother responding. At least one of them was intuitive.

And thankfully so was Fabian who quickly changed the subject. "Hey, guess which Hogwarts graduate I ran into today outside the Ministry?"

"Okay, I hate this game," Caleb Gilmore groaned, a hint of a smile on his face. "Every single time one of us runs into another Hogwarts student, we turn it into a guessing game. Why can't we ever just come out and say it?"

"Not nearly as much fun," James chimed in with a grin. "Give us a hint, Fabian."

Caleb rolled his eyes as Fabian snickered, continuing. "She was in Gryffindor."

"Oh, sure, that only narrows it down to like a hundred people," Lily snorted.

Fabian shrugged. "She was a prefect." He sent a brief, wary glance my way which did not go unnoticed by me and I instinctively tensed up. I knew who he was referring to immediately but I clenched my teeth, not bothering to chime in.

"That still leaves us with a few too many," spoke Kay.

Once again, his eyes fell on me. "Well, she definitely played favoritism to our dear friend Sirius."

I buried my head in my menu immediately, wondering why the hell I let James convince me to come tonight. Beer and WiziSports sounded so damned good right about now.

"That tells us nothing," Lily snorted. "If she's a 'she' of course she played favoritism towards Sirius."

"Can't imagine how," Keegan drawled.

If only stabbing someone with a dinner knife was legal. "Just because you show some distaste towards me, Rouge, doesn't mean the rest of the world does," I snapped. I was so not in the mood. First, I spent an entire day around a messy rubble that bloody Voldemort caused and now I was being insulted left and right from Lily and Keegan. "I'm pretty sure that waitress of ours wants to eat me up right now. In fact, I'm going to go see if I can track Melanie-"

"Melissa," Shannon reminded me.

"Melissa down," I corrected, shooting Keegan a look.

"Oh, Sirius, don't," Lily whined, making a face. "You can do better than her."

"Of course I can," I bragged. "I just choose not to."

"We're supposed to be having a nice Friday night dinner with our friends," she urged. "No skanks allowed."

"Well, then you probably should have mentioned that to Keegan," I snorted. Keegan flipped me off, glaring at me.

"Damn, I walked right into that one," Lily muttered, shaking her head as I jumped up from my seat and stalked off. While a part of me did want to go off in search for Michaela—er, Melissa, and see when her shift ended, I also needed an excuse to escape before Fabian had a chance to tell the group who he ran into.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

Three years ago, I would have agreed with Lily that Sirius was being a tad immature. But over the past few months, I've come to realize that Sirius' womanizing habits aren't based on his maturity level. They're simply based on his level of loneliness. Anytime Sirius felt remotely empty or lost, he immersed himself with whatever girl was available. And hell, I didn't blame the guy. Believe me, if anyone else should know anything about loneliness, it was certainly me.

"Is that kid ever going to learn?" Lily muttered once Sirius was out of earshot.

"No," Keegan chimed in immediately, flashing her friend an amused glance.

"Lily, just let him live his life," James pleaded.

"You call this living?" she snorted. "I call it hiding."

No one responded, least of all me. There might have been some truth to what she was saying but I wasn't about to agree. I didn't need all of my friends thinking I was just as sad and pathetic as Sirius was.

I never thought that the friend I would commiserate and identify with the most was Sirius but heartbreak had its way of taking over one's mind, body, and soul. I tried to go on with my every day as I'm sure Sirius tried, but it's hard when all you want to do is pretend that the pain doesn't exist when in actuality, it permeates the way you live your life.

"May I ask something?" Keegan chimed in curiously.

All eyes fixated on her.

"Why do you care?" she asked Lily curiously. "I mean, it's like James said, it's Sirius' life to live. If he wants to be a womanizing, perverted player, no one's going to be able to change him."

We all stiffened slightly. I had a feeling that we were all thinking the same thing: that once upon a time, someone _had _changed him. A girl by the name of Riley Gilmore. Lance and Caleb, the brothers of said Riley Gilmore, exchanged a knowing look. The knowing look they often shared when mention of their sister was even hinted at.

Lily pursed her lips, clearly trying to come up with a reasonable explanation without overstepping any boundaries. "We've all seen him act better than this."

"Things change," James said, his tone dripping with bitterness. "People change."

"No, people _leave_," she corrected.

I grimaced, sensing the flicker of anguish on James' face.

"Huh?" Keegan interrupted the tension. I saw her glance around the table at the group, all of us finding a sudden interest in the dinner menu.

"Nothing," Lily quickly murmured. "Fabian, you never told us who you ran into."

A look of confusion fell across Keegan's face but I was grateful when she didn't interrogate Lily any further. Keegan was a great addition to our group of friends but I'm definitely for the notion of the less she knew the better. Especially when it came to Sirius. She already enjoyed endlessly mocking him and poking fun at him that I doubt if she found out that at one point in time he not only had a heavy heart but he had it broken, she wouldn't be very sympathetic. Although truth be told, I'm not even sure where Keegan stood on the subject of love. From the stories she's told, her boyfriends often haven't lasted longer than six months. I could tell it wasn't necessarily for lack of trying but instead for lack of caring. She had always seemed a bit more focused on her career and while she was certainly an excellent journalist (though she was rather stifled having Jasper Malone as her boss), it felt to me that she sometimes hid behind her work. I glanced briefly over at Fabian and wondered if their relationship had an expiration date in Keegan's mind.

Fabian's next words immediately took me away from my thoughts of Keegan. "Rachael LeBlanc," he announced.

I froze slightly. While I'm sure everyone else at the table was thinking about her manipulation and trickery that led to a break-up of Riley and Sirius, I was thinking about Rachael's former roommate and ex-friend who also just so happened to be my ex-fiancée. I desperately tried hard to ignore the fact that my heart started to race and wished I had a drink in my hand to distract me.

"Speaking of skanks," Lily snorted, making a face. "What is she up to nowadays?"

"Get this," Fabian smirked. "She married Zach Hamilton."

We all couldn't help but gasp in shock as Keegan and Shannon stared at all of us in utter bewilderment. "Well, they're perfect for each other," Kay snickered. "The two most manipulative, crude people I had ever had the misfortune of meeting at Hogwarts."

"And that's saying a lot considering the Slytherins we cohabitated with," I snorted.

"Just please tell me those two haven't procreated," Lily groaned, glancing curiously over at Fabian. "I don't know if I can live in a world where children have spawned from the unity of Rachael and Zach's evilness."

Fabian sighed overdramatically. "They have a one-year-old son."

We all erupted into disgusted groans.

"If it helps, it was an ugly baby," he snickered. "She showed me a few too many photos of the kid."

"Y'know, that actually does help a little," James said, chuckling softly. "Those two deserve an ugly baby."

"Merlin, I hope that kid's a squib," Caleb murmured. "I can't fathom the idea of him being at Hogwarts with our son." Oh, yeah, has someone mentioned that Caleb and Shannon were going to have a baby in a few months?

Shannon shuddered, placing her hands protectively on her stomach. "Poor Barney."

"We are _not _naming our child Barney!"

Shannon rolled her eyes. "I'm just trying to honor my grandfather, Cal."

"Can we honor your other grandfather? Joseph is a name that would most likely not have our son on the end of endless amounts of purple dinosaur jokes."

The table erupted in laughter. Even Shannon couldn't help but giggle.

"What did Rachael and Zach name their child?" Peter asked curiously. "Devil? Evil Spawn? Voldemort?"

Slightly amused grimaces framed our faces.

"Nigel," Fabian responded. "But I'm pretty sure his middle name is Satan."

"Wow," Keegan chimed in. "You guys really hate these people. Dare I ask why?"

We all fell silent. To elaborate would mean to go into detail about a girl that we were all trying so desperately to forget.

She cringed and I could tell she felt guilty for asking the question even if she didn't know why. "Oookay, never mind," she muttered. "Where the hell are our drinks?"

That was a very good question.

"Do they still talk to anyone from their Hogwarts days?" James asked curiously.

I clenched my teeth, wishing to throw my fork at him.

Fabian shook his head. "Nah, but who would talk to them anyway?"

"Seriously," Peter muttered. "It's not like they really had friends. Just roommates who were forced to deal with them."

"You probably know all about the concept of roommates being forced to deal with you, hm?" Sirius' voice carried as he sauntered back over to the table. He flashed Peter a joking smile, earning a laugh from the rest of us. I was grateful for his return, wishing for the conversation to steer away from Rachael.

"Back so soon?" Lily snorted. "What, she shot you down?"

Sirius let out a loud 'Hah!' quirking an arrogant eyebrow. "Oh, please, have you seen me?" he said cheekily. Keegan pretended to stick her finger down her throat which went ignored by Sirius. "We'll be catching up later tonight."

Lily frowned, brooding silently. She picked up her menu to glare at it even though I had a feeling that glare was really directed towards Sirius. "Did you hear who Fabian ran into outside the Ministry?"

I cringed. I had a feeling the only reason she was bringing it up was because she was irritated with him and wanted him to share in her irritation.

"Lily," James warned.

Sirius' eyes narrowed at her. "I had already figured it out for myself," he said coolly. "But thank you for feeling the need to throw it in my face."

"And thank you for over-exaggerating," she snorted, rolling her eyes. "I didn't realize that casually mentioning the fact that Fabian ran into an old Hogwarts acquaintance was throwing something in your face."

After Riley disappeared, it almost seemed as if Lily filled the female best friend role for Sirius. She was always there for him and vice versa and often when James was stuck at work or on a business trip or away on an Order mission, she would spend her time with Sirius instead. Not that Sirius would ever admit it, but I think that Lily reminded him a lot of Riley and so he was just naturally drawn to her. But what came with the buddy-buddy relationship was the occasional need to bicker and snipe at each other.

I could tell that Sirius was becoming increasingly angry, but he merely shot her a glare before picking up his menu. "Please tell me we're all ready to order."

"Why? Because the faster you eat the faster you can go add yet another notch to your bedpost? I'm surprised your bed is still standing," she snapped.

Sirius slammed down his menu and I knew she may have taken it a bit too far. "Bloody hell, Lily, get off your high horse, will ya?" he sniveled before pushing back his chair and storming out of the restaurant.

"Lily," James started, but she interrupted him.

She shrugged. "He's right. We should order."

After what felt like an hour of silence but was probably only a few minutes later, Shannon being the sweet girl she was cleared her throat and, in an attempt to ease the tension, said, "So how was everyone's Friday?"

We all gazed up at her and suddenly, a laugh was escaping my lips. Caleb quickly followed with Keegan right behind him. And then we were all laughing, reminding ourselves that even with all of the crap we inevitably have to deal with, it was still easy to be happy when we were surrounded by friends.

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

James, Lily, Fabian, and I traipsed back to our apartment. Even though James has a mansion about ten times the size of our apartment, I feel like he spends more of his free time at our place than at his. I think Lily likes coming back to our apartment—it's more homey and quaint. It fits her personality. And I had a feeling that James was trying to spend as much time as possible with Lily seeing as for the longest time, they barely spent any time alone.

"You guys want anything?" I asked as I headed towards the kitchen. "Coffee? Water? Cookie?"

James grinned. "You had me at cookie."

I chuckled. "What, your tiramisu at the restaurant wasn't good enough?"

"It's probably not nearly as delicious as your chocolate chip cookies."

I flashed him a grin. "Flattery will get you everywhere, m'friend."

As he and Lily fell on to the couch together and Fabian took over the lounge chair, I headed into the kitchen to grab the plate of cookies and four bottled waters. I tossed the three waters towards my friends and my boyfriend and handed them the plate of cookies, not before I grabbed one myself. "Can I ask a question?" I asked hesitantly, sitting on my boyfriend's lap.

"Of course," Lily said.

"Why do you all dislike that Rachael girl and Zach guy so much?"

The concerned glance between Lily and James didn't go unnoticed. However, Fabian looked more hesitant than concerned. "It's a long story," James eventually murmured, turning away from my scrutinizing gaze.

"I have time," I urged. I think a part of me enjoyed hearing stories from their school days. It was easier reminiscing with them than digging through my past. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute I spent at Beauxbatons, but with the tragedy that occurred after graduation and my quick fleeing from my hometown, it was really difficult thinking of a time when we were all happy.

"It's not really our story to tell, though," Lily explained slowly, sending me a guilty look. She really did look guilty but that didn't stop me from wondering why the hell everyone was being so evasive.

I frowned. "Is it Sirius' story to tell?" I asked hesitantly.

No one responded which told me the answer to my question was clearly yes. "You all seem to have a lot of secrets from back then," I snickered, ignoring the fact that I sounded like a total hypocrite.

"No, just one," Lily murmured, shaking her head irritably.

James shot her a look. "It's in the past, so let's just forget it," he muttered with a sigh.

"As exhibited by tonight, it's not in the past."

"To be fair, I think you're the one dredging up the past, not him."

"I'm not the one reverting to my childish ways in order to mask any real feelings I may actually have," she scowled.

I suddenly became very interested in the cookie in my hand, recognizing a bickering match on the verge of a fight. James and Lily didn't argue often; they were sickeningly in love most of the time. But when they did, they had a way of not caring who was in the vicinity and making the rest of us feel slightly uncomfortable. I exchanged a sheepish look with Fabian, who was staring intently at the water in his hand.

James pursed his lips, gripping his bottled of water tightly. "It's been three and a half years. I doubt he's still masking any lingering feelings he had from back then."

"Well, he's certainly not over it," Lily murmured irritably.

"Yeah, probably because you keep bringing it up," James pointed out, quirking a knowing eyebrow.

"So am I just supposed to ignore the large elephant in the room just because everyone else chooses to?" Lily snapped.

"You've been ignoring it for three and a half years, Lily. What's changed now?"

She frowned, her eyebrow knitting hesitantly. "A lot of time has passed, James," she spoke matter-of-factly. "When are we going to stop dancing around the subject?"

"When Sirius no longer wants us to," he sighed. "Can't you just let it go? For him?"

"Why is it always about _Sirius_?" Lily demanded. "He's not the only one who lost someone the day she walked out!"

James sighed. "No, but he was the one in love with her, so it does get to be about him a little-"

"Wait, _what_?" I sat upright in the chair, not sure I heard correctly.

James cringed, slumping down on the couch. He and Lily exchanged another look. "Nothing," he muttered, a flash of guilt passing over his face. "Maybe I should get going."

Lily shrugged curtly, clearly still annoyed with James for defending Sirius' actions. "Fine," she murmured.

James let out a slow sigh, climbing off the couch. "Look, Lily, I know you don't like it, but it's Sirius' life to live."

"Except he's not living it," she spoke hollowly, desperation in her tone. "He's drowning in it."

He frowned disapprovingly and finished off his water. He walked into the kitchen to chuck it into the recycling bin. When he returned, he fixed a stare upon Lily and said determinedly, "Just because he's not living his life the way you want him to doesn't make him any less of a person. He went through a tough time and sure, it's three years later so he should probably learn to get over it and sure, maybe he's masking true feelings with endless flirting, but did you ever think that maybe he doesn't _want _to be in a relationship? That he _enjoys _shameless flirting and he likes being the womanizer he is? Just because he once knew what love felt like doesn't mean he wants to find it again. He's perfectly content flitting from girl to girl and doesn't need you reminding him that he should feel like he can do better. Maybe he doesn't want to do better."

I could tell Lily was slightly taken aback by James' speech. Before she could open her mouth to defend herself, James quickly continued, "Look, in all honestly, it doesn't really matter what you think of the way he's living his life. He's probably not going to change whether you want him to or not. You're supposed to be one of his best friends, Lily. And as a friend, you should stop judging him and berating him unless you want to lose him as a friend. So it's really up to you." He shrugged and without so much as a kiss, headed towards the front door. "I have to go into the office tomorrow for training, but I'll see you on Sunday?" Every Sunday there was a free standing coffee shop date for all of us.

Lily could only nod and seconds later, he disappeared.

"Wow," I muttered, mostly to break the silent tension.

Lily sighed, slumping down on the couch. "Am I the one being the idiot here? Or is it Sirius?"

I snorted, giving my roommate a look. "You're asking the wrong person."

She forced out a smile. "Right." She glanced over at Fabian. "Well, what do you think?"

Fabian hesitated. "I can't really say," he admitted with a shrug. "I wasn't really there when...when everything fell apart."

"But you were there before that happened," she pointed out.

Fabian nodded slowly. "I was merely an outsider looking in. You were more his friend and…and her friend than I ever was, so you would know better than I would who's being the idiot here."

"Way to be diplomatic," Lily murmured. But there was a hint of a smile on her face. She turned back towards me. "Sorry, but seeing as your boyfriend is remaining neutral, I'm going to need your opinion on the matter."

"I doubt you'd want my opinion," I said slowly.

She raised her eyebrow curiously. "Lay it on me."

I sighed. "Look, it's really none of my business seeing as not only do I care very little about Black but I also have absolutely no idea what the hell happened in his past, but maybe James does have a point. If you keep harping on Black, he's not going to want to be around you very much. Heartbreak is hard for everyone and...and it takes a while to move on from it. Yes, maybe even three years. Black will mellow out over time. But for now, you're either going to have to accept him as who he is or...or lose him as a friend."

Lily hesitated, narrowing her eyes at me. I suddenly felt very exposed. "And what exactly do you know about heartbreak?" she asked curiously.

I became very invested in my bottled water, noting the piercing stare I was earning from Fabian. "What exactly does _Black _know about it?" I scrutinized.

She fell silent, averting her eyes toward the rug. "Look, I know you don't think very highly of him, but he really is a good guy," she murmured. "He's just...had a lot to deal with."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that one out for myself," I responded with a shrug. "I just can't figure out why you're all so secretive about it." Once again, a very hypocritical statement. Pot, meet kettle.

I saw anxious hesitation in Lily's eyes as she swiftly got up off the couch and ventured into the kitchen. She came back a few seconds later with another chocolate chip cookie and leaned herself up against the kitchen entrance. I haven't known Lily long, but I do know that when she starts to get uncomfortable, she busies herself. I can almost guarantee that she didn't really want another cookie. She just felt the need to move.

She briefly glanced over at Fabian who merely shrugged. I had a feeling that he didn't think it was his place to really talk about the past. From what I've heard, Fabian had been friendly with the Marauders but it didn't go much beyond that at Hogwarts.

Finally, Lily spoke. "Sirius fell in love once," she murmured. "And...and then she left. In the middle of the night. Without so much as a goodbye or an explanation. None of us have heard from her since."

I felt my heart constrict within its chest walls. For the first time since I met Sirius, I almost felt bad for him. But only because I knew exactly what it felt like to unexpectedly lose someone you loved. It wasn't something I wished upon anyone. "Oh," I winced.

"She was my best friend," Lily continued with a shrug. "She was all of our friend. It wasn't just Sirius' life she disappeared from. It affected all of us. And-"

"And now you find it easier to pretend it never happened," I murmured, swallowing the lump that was forming in her throat. I knew far too much about avoiding heartache, not that I would ever admit it.

Lily nodded curtly. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "That really sucks."

"Yeah," she muttered. "Yeah, it does."

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"Are you over it?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Over what?"

"Over your friend's sudden departure?"

Lily didn't respond but her eyes displayed a mixture of shock and regret. She eventually shrugged. "What does that have anything to do with?"

I knew that by her avoiding the question, it was a no. "Well, if you're not over it, then how do you really expect Sirius to be over it?"

She frowned, nibbling her cookie in much contemplation. "Damn you," she eventually swore. "When did you become so sensible?"

I forced out a laugh. I didn't know if it was meant to be a joke but I didn't want to admit that I've always been slightly too sensible when it came to moving on from heartbreak. "Not that I wouldn't mind seeing a little less of Sirius around here, but I think you probably know that you're being a tad unreasonable."

Lily sighed and fell back against the couch. "I just don't want him to lose himself."

I shrugged. "Maybe it's not so much him losing himself as it is him trying to find himself."

She gazed at me hesitantly. "Never thought about it like that," she muttered curiously. She raised an eyebrow. "Why do you sound like you know what you're talking about?"

I froze, shrugging curtly. "We've all had our share of boyfriend drama."

"We have?" Fabian interjected teasingly, a sly smile on his face.

I rolled my eyes. "_Yes_, but that's clearly all in the past," I teased, kissing his cheek. I hoped that my heart wasn't beating as loud as I thought it was. Why was I letting my past suddenly catch up with me? I stifled a yawn and changed the subject. "You guys want to watch a movie or something?"

Lily hesitated, shaking her head. "No," she muttered. "I think I need to go talk to Sirius."

I wrinkled my nose. "Damn. I was really hoping you'd think losing him as a friend was the better way to go."

She smacked me with a pillow and we both erupted into laughter. "Why do you hate him so much?"

That question had been asked before and I've always kind of avoided it. Because truthfully, I didn't hate him. He just reminded me of Tristan. So it was a lot easier pushing him away than having a constant reminder of the guy I almost married. "I don't hate him," I said. "I just think he's a waste of space."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, as long as you don't hate him."

I laughed and waved as she left the flat. "What about you?" I asked Fabian. "Want to watch a movie?"

He grinned impishly. "Only if it's going to be background noise."

I smiled sheepishly and pressed my lips to his. "On second thought, let's forget the movie."

I really liked Fabian. But in the same way that I've liked all of my other boyfriends in the past four years. I had fun with them but I couldn't go much deeper than that. I knew it was best to keep some sort of distance from them because it would be easier letting them go when the time go. I couldn't go back to the person I was after losing my fiancé. It was too painful and took me way too long to ever really get over it. Not that I was fully over it today. But I'd like to pretend I was.

I had previously been living with my boyfriend, Damien, until he had proposed to me. It was then that I realized moving in with him had probably sent him the wrong message. Because Merlin knows that I will never be able to be someone's fiancée again. Knowing that it could all be over in a matter of seconds and all I'd be left with was a broken heart and a lot of tears weren't worth falling in love.

Believe me, I know.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I was sitting out on my balcony with a beer in my hand when I heard a knock on my door. I was tempted to ignore it, wanting nothing more than to enjoy an already ruined night by drowning my irritation with beer. But the knocking persisted and eventually I trudged over to it, throwing it open. "_What_?"

I was shocked to see Lily on the other side of the door. "Y'know, after all of this time, I'd have thought you'd realize that James' door is across the hall."

She rolled her eyes at me. "I'm here for you, you prat."

I smirked. "Oh, to add another notch to my bedpost?"

She cringed. "First of all, _ew_. Second of all, I stand by my prat comment. Third of all, I'm sorry."

"For calling me a prat twice?"

"_No_," she urged. "I'm sorry that I've been so...so harsh lately."

"The word you're looking for is bitchy."

She sighed, running her fingers through her hair guiltily. "Okay, fine. I've been a bitch," she finally murmured.

"Glad we established that," I retorted. "You want to tell me why you've been acting so nuts?"

She didn't respond.

"Lily, I know something is going on with you. I've been the same guy I have been for the past three years. So why have you been choosing recently to bitch and moan about my relationship habits?"

I saw a flicker of surprise in her eyes. I had a feeling I hit the nail on the head.

Without me inviting her, she sauntered into my room and took a seat at the edge of my bed. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely. "You don't deserve the way I've been acting. I just think a part of me has been taking out my...my frustration with James on you."

"You're having frustrations with James?" That was news to me.

She shrugged awkwardly, staring down at her hands so as not to look me in the eye. "No...yes…maybe?" she admitted with a sigh.

I blinked. "You're confusing me."

"I'm confusing myself."

I frowned, completely bewildered. "So we're in agreement then?" I teased.

She shrugged.

"Seriously, Lily-bean, what's going on?" I sighed.

She met my gaze, desperation filling her eyes. "I know it's not something you advocate for, but I always thought I wanted to get married one day. And...and I've found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with," she murmured. "I just...I'm just beginning to wonder if I'm not the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with."

"Oh, please," I snorted, giving her a look of absolute disbelief. "That guy is madly in love with you."

She didn't respond but I swore I saw a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes.

I frowned, leaning back against my dresser curiously. "You really believe he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you?"

She sighed. "I don't know," she muttered. "I'm probably making a bigger deal over this than I should be, but it's hard not speculating."

I knew that she had her anxieties about their future, just as much as he did, but in this moment, it wasn't anxiety I saw. It was fear. "Look, with everything that's going on in the wizarding world, it's easy to speculate. It's not so easy to trust."

"It's not about trust," she argued, shaking her head slowly. "It's about love."

"Yeah, and James Potter is head-over-heels in love with you."

She winced. "No, I know that," she muttered. "But…"

"There shouldn't be a but."

"There is, though," she muttered. "Because three years ago, he asked me to marry him. And he hasn't even acknowledged-"

"Um, _excuse me_?" Again, this was news to me.

She froze, sighing sheepishly. "It was just...just in theory. It was two days after we graduated and we were both a little wary of the future. So...so we agreed that we'd get married _one day_. And I told him that the next time he asked me he'd better have a ring. And he said that the next time he asked me, I would definitely say yes. Well, it's three years later. And I'm beginning to think he changed his mind."

I frowned. "Why the obsession to get married, Lily-bean?"

I was shocked when I saw tears well up in her eyes. "I don't want to lose him," she said in a small voice.

Merlin, she looked so fragile. "What are you talking about?"

She hastily ran her pointer finger under her eye to stop the tears from falling. "Do you know how hard it is waking up every morning knowing that your boyfriend is going off to work for the most dangerous profession in the wizarding world? Do you know what it's like to wonder if that day there's going to be an attack and James will be sent to fight? Do you know what it's like to know he's sent to fight and I have absolutely no idea when or _if _he'll come back? Do you know how trying it is to see him step up and volunteer himself for dangerous Order missions? I'm...I am so tired of being afraid for him."

I hesitated. "So you want to marry him out of fear?"

She shrugged hesitantly. "I don't want to end up like Brite and Bianca," she said in a small voice.

My stomach twisted in a knot, thinking back to Brite's death which occurred only months before he was supposed to marry Bianca. I strolled over to the bed and sat down beside her. "You're that afraid of losing him?"

"Every day," she whispered.

A twinge of longing pumped through my heart. She was so clearly in love with James, to a point that it filled her with fear and anxiety. There weren't many times I missed the concept of love. Rarely, actually. But as I gazed at her, I was reminded of how it felt to have someone care for your well-being probably more than your own. I hadn't hated it. "Lily-bean, you-"

"You want the truth, Sirius?" she interrupted. I had a feeling she hadn't been looking for words of comfort or reassurance. It probably wouldn't have done any good and it wouldn't have eased her fear anyway. "You're probably the smartest one out of all of us."

My eyebrow arched skeptically. "You do realize you just called me smart, right?"

She cracked a smile. "We're living in a dangerous time. We're in the midst of a full-blown war. So...so maybe only having yourself to worry about is the best way to survive it."

I frowned, wondering when she became so paranoid and distressed. "Lily-bean, don't start emulating me," I muttered. "Believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be."

She gazed over at me curiously, a hesitant glint in her eyes. "What, sleeping around doesn't satisfy you?"

I gave her a look. "Oh, it satisfies me plenty," I joked, poking her in the ribs. She squealed, pulling away from me. "But..."

"But?"

I bit down on my bottom lip anxiously, turning away from her probing eyes. My eyes slowly glanced back in her direction and I admitted the one thing that I've tried ignoring over the past three years. "It can get lonely sometimes."

She smiled sympathetically and rested her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "I'm not," I said sincerely. "I like being single. I like being on my own. I like being independent. Just because every once and a while, I...I remember what it feels like to-"

"Be loved?"

I shot her a look. "To always have someone by my side doesn't mean I want that feeling back."

Lily nodded. "Well, are you going to try and get Melissa to be _by your side_?"

"Cute," I snickered. "And who's Melissa?"

"SIRIUS!"

I laughed. I ducked as she attempted to smack me on the back of my head. "I'm just kidding!"

"I _was _going to suggest going out for some drinks with a non-harrassing clause attached, but seeing as you're an _ass_, maybe I should opt out," she teased.

"Is calling me an ass not included in this non-harrassing clause of yours?"

She rolled her eyes. "I withdraw that clause. It's too difficult not insulting you."

I laughed and climbed off the bed. "C'mon, let's go get drunk." I extended my arms to her and pulled her off the bed as well.

She grinned and followed me out. "Okay. And I'll try to keep the insults to a minimum," she teased, linking arms with me.

"Lily-bean," I said, halting before my door.

"Hm?"

"James loves you. Always remember that," I spoke firmly. "It'll get you through the tough times."

She offered me a small smile. "I know he loves me. And I love him. More than anything. Sometimes it scares me how much I love him. I-I think about all the stuff he's had to deal with and I think about what's coming next, and…I just don't want him to fall apart. He deserves better than that."

Their love could be so sickening to watch most of the time. But it was also refreshing and encouraging. It was as if knowing that those two were going to be together forever made it that much easier for the rest of us to live our lives. Maybe sometimes love was enough.

Just not for me.

"Lily, I know that it's really difficult just living in the moment, but it's what you got to do to get through each day," I said sincerely, giving her a sympathetic look. "Worrying and being afraid is going to make you go crazy."

She swallowed hard, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "One day at a time, hm?"

I nodded. Believe me, taking it one day at a time was something I was a pro at. "We can't predict the future. We _can _predict the present. We can make the present exactly what we want it to be."

"It's that easy, hm?"

"No," I said, probably a little too quickly. "But it's necessary."

She sighed. "Well, I know I can predict what's going to happen tonight," she said with a hint of a smile. "_Someone _is going to get drunk."

"Hm, tell me more about this someone. He sounds delightful."

She chuckled and I rushed over to James' door and pounded on it. "WE'RE GOING TO BLARNEY'S!" I did the same to Remus' room down the hall.

James trudged out of his room and I noticed a flicker of surprise when he was greeted by Lily. He shared a smile with her, kissing her forehead with a relieved sigh. Not sure what that was about, but I didn't really care. "REMUS!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" he cried out, opening his door. He was attempting to stick his head into a shirt hole with very little luck. He had clearly been in bed, planning on turning in for good. "Aren't you supposed to be calling up that waitress for a date tonight?"

I shrugged, peeking a glance over at Lily. "Nah," I said with a smile. "I'd rather spend time with you guys."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "Are you feeling okay?"

I snickered. "_Yes_. I don't always need a woman to make me happy, y'know."

I was on the receiving end of three blank stares.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to go to Blarney's or not?"

Remus laughed, nodding. "Yeah, let's go."

It was the first night in a long time that I just enjoyed hanging out with my friends instead of focusing on picking up girls. We drank, we laughed, we reminisced. It was just like old times. It was as if we were those teenagers again that knew how to enjoy life and not let the drama of the real world and the stress of our jobs affect us. I liked knowing that even for years later, I still had people in my life that would always have my back. Sure, we bicker. We don't always agree. But we are always going to be there for each other.

And at this point in my life, that's all I really needed.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

"Did you find anything out in the States today, Padfoot?" I asked with the third round of drinks. Er…fourth? Maybe even fifth? Let's just say we were all reasonably buzzed.

"Not particularly," he sighed, jingling the ice around in his drink curiously. "Mainly wands. Alice is stopping into Ollivander's on Monday to question him about some of them. A few dark robes found in the rubble and one mask but so far none of the John Does are fitting any Death Eater profiles. And there was some blonde bitch who acted like she owned the ground she walked on."

"Sounds like your kind of woman," I teased.

Sirius grinned. "I do like feisty."

"Why do you think California was attacked?" Lily mused, always the curious one.

"Good question," James murmured. "Can't remember the last time Voldemort bothered spending any time in America."

"Diversion?" Sirius suggested.

"Merlin, I hope not," I sighed. Whenever an attack was a front for a diversion, the diversion ended up being seemingly tame.

"Well, it wasn't the Executioner, that's for sure," Peter teased. Sirius had apparated over to his bar to drag him along with us. According to him it was Marauder bonding time. Peter not so subtly pointed out that Lily wasn't a Marauder but he earned four identical glares and he quickly shut up.

"Though assaulting an entire Muggle town was certainly his calling card," Sirius murmured, referring to the day the guy had gone completely crazy and attacked a small Italian Muggle town right after killing his family. And why? I doubt anyone will ever know. But a lot of the more recent attacks were reminding us of the day the descent of the wizarding world began. A day that really began with the Executioner going mad.

Sirius glanced over at Lily. "Wasn't there some sort of conference in the States last week?"

Lily pondered the question and eventually shook her head. "No, not last week," she disputed. "There's one this week that I'm being forced to go to." She made a face. "But it's in Philadelphia."

"Another business trip?" James groaned.

"Hey, at least you're pre-warned," she argued with a smug smile. "Wasn't it you who just last week disappeared for two days and I had no clue where you were?"

He hesitated, his beer glass halfway to his lips. "You can blame Scrimgeour for that one."

"It's easier blaming you since you're right here," she teased.

He shrugged. "Go ahead and blame me," he said slowly, winking in her direction. "I'll find a way to make it up to you later."

"Ew," I spoke.

"Gross," Peter murmured.

"Gag me," Sirius agreed.

Lily giggled, pressing a brief kiss against James' lips. "They're just jealous," she whispered.

"Suddenly I'm regretting not calling up Michelle," Sirius murmured.

"MELISSA!" four chorused voices rang out.

He grinned, raising his glass to us. "I know."

I rolled my eyes and swiped his glass, finishing off his firewhisky and cola.

He scowled at me. "Yeah, definitely wishing I was with Melissa right now," he muttered, but the ends of his mouth were turned upward.

"Don't you all ever go home?"

A familiar voice had us turning around to face the cute (and flirtatious) barmaid, Melinda. She grinned at us, leaning her arms up against our table. "I'm surprised you haven't attempted to throw cots in the storage room and move in here full-time."

Sirius' eyes lit up but before he could say anything, Lily clamped her hand over his mouth. "Way to put that idea in Sirius' head," she teased.

Melinda chuckled. "More drinks?"

"Yes, and Remus has graciously offered to pay!" Sirius spoke with a smug smile.

"I did nothing of that sort," I impugned, rolling my eyes.

"I don't care who pays as long as there's a large tip involved," Melinda spoke, tucking her blonde curly hair behind her ear humbly.

"You heard the woman, Lupin," said Sirius with a grin.

"Don't make me drink your next beverage as well, Black."

He laughed and slid his empty glass off to Melinda. "Firewhisky and cola, pretty please!"

"Make that two," I said with a shrug.

The other three shook their heads and Melinda headed back to the bar.

"I still think Georgia was hotter," Sirius mused.

"Who?" Lily dared to ask.

"That's only because Melinda has rejected every single one of your advances for the past year," Peter chimed in with a sly grin.

Sirius glared at him. "No need to bring up bad memories, Wormy," he whined, a pout appearing on his face.

"Only girl to ever reject Sirius Black," Lily spoke wistfully, a grin breaking out at the scowl on Sirius' face.

"Besides Keegan," James reminded her.

Sirius shuddered. "I hit on her before I knew she was a bitch. She doesn't count."

Lily glared at him.

"What? She is a bitch!"

Hesitant looks were exchanged among all of us. Truth was, she certainly did have a surly, bitter side to her. And yet, in a weird way, we all welcomed it. She didn't try to hide behind any insecurities or fears. She would say what was on her mind without thinking twice. Being a writer gave her the assertiveness to just be who she was. She was brash, she was straightforward, and she didn't care what people thought. And in a group of people who were good at keeping quiet about certain ordeals and who often walked on eggshells around each other (when it came to Riley and when it came to Jillian to name the most obvious), it was refreshing to have someone who wasn't afraid to tell the truth. The _whole _truth. Not some elusive version of a half-truth.

But clearly Sirius didn't think so.

A round of nervous chuckles satiated the table. "Who's hotter, Sirius: Keegan or Melinda?" I asked with a cheeky grin.

Sirius shot me a look. "I'm not going to dignify that with a response, Moonylicious."

"_Paddington Bear_."

The four Marauders burst into laughter, I finding myself amused by the furrowed brow and bewildered glint in Lily's eye.

"This is one of those times I'm better off not knowing, isn't it."

"Yes," was the immediate response from the four of us. Which for some reason sent us into another tailspin of giggles.

I blame the three…or four…or five drinks we've had.

"And do I dare ask who Georgia is?" Lily questioned.

"Some bird Sirius slept with," Peter responded.

Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't know why I bother asking questions when I so clearly already should know the answer to them," she chuckled. "And I think I may have mentioned once or twice or ten times in the past that calling girls birds or chicks or skirts is going to get you absolutely nowhere with actually _getting _a girl."

"It works for Sirius," James teased.

"Yeah, but the ladies have trouble saying no to this face," Sirius said, flashing his usual grin as he circled his face with his finger.

"Not me," a voice from our right drawled. We turned and as Sirius pouted, the rest of us laughed as Melinda showed up with our drinks. She grinned, handing out the firewhisky and cokes to myself and Sirius.

Sirius sighed overdramatically. "You spat in this drink, didn't you."

"You know me so well," she teased, winking at us before rushing back to the bar.

"One of these days she's going to fall for me," Sirius spoke contemplatively.

"Pretty sure that's only going to happen with Amortentia," Lily teased.

Sirius' eyes lit up but before he could retort, Lily glared at him. "Don't even think about it."

He merely grinned.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

Lily and I traipsed into her apartment after Blarney's that night, my lips running down the back of her neck as she giggled at the tickling touch. "Thank you for tonight," I whispered, slipping my fingers teasingly into the band of her jeans.

I felt a chill run down her spine as she glanced up at me, hastily shutting the door behind us. "For what exactly?"

"For Sirius," I murmured, pressing my lips to her forehead. "I know it's tough for you to watch him flit around from girl to girl but he, and I, appreciate you letting him live his life, however he wants to live it. Even if he deserves better."

She sighed, traipsing off to her bedroom with me right behind her. "I know," she admitted. "It's just…I don't want him to look back on his life in a few years and regret any of it. I want him to live it to the fullest. Especially now that…" she trailed off.

"Especially now that we're in the middle of a war?" I finished her sentence.

She met my gaze, a reluctant crooked smile on her face. She didn't say anything, merely offered me a curt nod.

"This war can't change us," I murmured, dragging her over to the bed as I leaned down to kiss her. We both fell back on to her cozy bed and I reached for her pillow, propping it up behind me. I reached for her hand and pulled her close to me. She outstretched and rested her head on my shoulder. "We can't let it affect the way we live. Voldemort wins that way."

She hesitated, intertwining her fingers with mine fittingly. She ran her thumb over the back of my hand and locked eyes with me. "Are you going to take your own advice?"

My hand froze in hers. My initial instinct was to deny I had any clue what she was talking about, but I've never been very good at lying to her. Truth was, she probably knew me better than I knew myself. "I'm trying to, but it's…it's difficult sometimes," I admitted with a sigh, brushing a strand of hair from her face with a breezy kiss. I slumped comfortingly down on the bed and pulled her in tightly to me body, running kisses down her jawline. Eventually, I cleared my throat and continued. "My entire life is practically driven by this war. My job is to catch the bad guys and in doing so, I watch so many people either die or get sent to St. Mungo's with grave injuries or I have to comfort those who have lost loved ones due to Voldemort and his bloody men. And when I'm not being an Auror, I'm a member of the Order. Whose sole objective is taking Voldemort down. I feel like some days a minute doesn't go by where that bastard isn't on my mind. It's…it's draining. And…and sometimes I forget that there's more to my life than this war."

She smiled at me. A smile that I have long adored. "I know," she whispered, pressing her lips to the back of my hand. "We all do. But the moment this war controls our lives is the moment we lose control of ourselves. And like you said, it's that moment that Voldemort wins. And then everything we're fighting for becomes completely futile."

I nodded slowly. The problem was, I wasn't sure how to not let the war control me. Because I was pretty sure it already had. "When did you become so wise?" I teased, smoothing her beautiful hair behind her ear.

She responded with a soft kiss on my lips before moving down my jawbone until her head was back resting in the nook of my shoulder. It felt right, comfortable. As if we were two pieces to a puzzle that matched up perfectly. I buried my lips in her hair. "Listen, Lily," I said softly, drawing my arms tighter around her, "I know that we don't always get to spend a lot of time together with our busy schedules and whatnot, but please don't ever forget how much I love you. Because I do. And that will never change."

She remained mute, but I felt her body stiffen slightly underneath me. She fixed her stare on the opposite side of the room reluctantly. Her eyes were unfocused and timid, her mouth in a thin, hesitant line. I could tell she was actively avoiding my eyes. "Lily?" I muttered, brushing my hand up against her cheek.

Slowly, she turned towards me. "It scares me when you say things like that."

"When I tell you that I love you?" I said with a teasing smile. "Duly noted."

A frown spread across her face, not quite receptive to the joke. "James, when you remind me how much you love me it sometimes feels like you're reminding me so if the next day something happens to you, you know that nothing has gone unsaid."

I winced. Truth was, a lot of the time I did say the things I do because I was so afraid something could happen. To her, to me, to anyone. "Well, if you really don't like it, I won't tell you I love you anymore." I grinned.

She smacked me on the chest, a chuckle escaping. "Not exactly where I was going with that."

My lips found their way to her neck. "I know," I whispered. "But I do love you, Lily. So much. And I don't want you to ever forget that."

"I'll never forget it," she was quick to agree, shaking her head slowly. "You mean everything to me, James."

I slipped my fingers through her silky hair, kissing her forehead lightly. It was these small moments I couldn't live without. She was still so beautiful to me, so genuine and pure at heart. She kept me sane. She kept my head above water and I was so grateful to her for that. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Except it was hard to ignore, no matter how hard I tried, that that day may come. Not willingly, but nowadays no one ever left willingly. "Lily," I said softly, my heart skipping a beat.

"Hm?"

I sighed, rubbing my temple guiltily. "If anything _were_ ever to happen to me, I want you to-"

"No," she interrupted immediately, twisting around to face me with a hurt glare. "Don't you dare go there, James Potter. Don't you dare start thinking that!" Her voice was shaking, her bottom lip trembling. Her eyes were filled with horror and fear. "You _can't _think that. I just…I don't even want to imagine…oh, _James_."

"Shh," I whispered, silencing her with a kiss. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just-"

"You just nothing," she demanded, a few tears glistening in her eyes. "It's like you said, James. _Don't _let this war affect you. Please don't get all pessimistic and depressing on me now."

"I'm not trying to be pessimistic and depressing," I was quick to argue. "I'm…I'm trying to be realistic."

She couldn't get away from me fast enough, jumping up off the bed with a scowl. "You don't get it, James," she snapped, her voice soft with agony. She swallowed hard, trying to catch her breath as her bottom lip continued to tremble. She shut her eyes tightly, exhaling sharply. "You are my entire world," she whispered hoarsely, the words catching in her throat as a strangled cry escaped. "You're my family. You're all I have left, James. You mean more to me than I thought anyone ever could. So…" she trailed off, running her fingers through her hair vulnerably, "So realistically? Yeah, I realize that…that maybe one day you…perhaps you…I get that it's possible…you just…" she couldn't even say the words and I was quick to jump off the bed and rush to her side. I embraced her tightly, pulling her forcefully into my arms as she let out a defeated sigh. She wrapped her own arms around my waist and gazed up at me, a frown framing her beautiful face. "But I can't think about that. I just can't. I don't even want to go there. And I don't want you to either."

"Okay, okay," I whispered hastily to calm her down as I buried my lips in her hair. "I won't. I promise."

We stood there for a while, just holding each other and embracing the comfort we brought each other. It amazed me sometimes how much I still ached for Lily's love. After nearly four years, she was still the one who would make my heart melt. Her smile still left chills down my spine. I still found myself reaching over to run my hands through her curls because I couldn't imagine not doing so. I still smiled every time she crinkled her nose when she laughed. Her sparkling eyes still made my heart ache. She was the girl I was meant to be with. And I really hoped that never changed. I know that there were definitely times that I hid behind my work. Or my friends. Or my excuses. It was always something. But it wasn't because I didn't want to spend time with Lily. It was because I was determined to destroy Voldemort once and for all. Because then and only then will I ever feel like those around me will be safe. And that definitely included Lily.

She eventually broke the silence. "I hope you know that I love you, too, James," she whispered, but I cut her off by pressing my lips hard against her. Passion ignited between us, a heated yearning that brought me back to our days at Hogwarts. Where our love was enough to draw us together. Not fear or worry or desperation.

Just love.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

Remus and I were already downing our coffee and breakfast the following morning when James traipsed into the kitchen. He was still wearing the clothes from the prior night which made us both realize that he had just come back from Lily's apartment.

"You do realize that as nice as Lily's flat is, you have about twenty times the space here," I teased, chucking a piece of day-old blueberry muffin into my mouth.

James rolled his eyes as he wandered over to the coffeepot. "Yes, but there's less of a chance that we'll be interrupted by a certain dark-haired roommate who often has untimely arrivals."

I grinned. "You say untimely. I say impeccable."

While Remus snorted, James shot me a look over his shoulder. "How about you work on getting Melinda into bed before going after my girlfriend?"

I chuckled. Melinda certainly was hot. James slid into an empty seat beside Remus with his coffee cup, reaching for a muffin. "So, James, when were you going to tell us that you proposed to Lily three years ago?" I asked.

James froze, his hand halting midair with a cranberry nut muffin in his hand.

"_What_?" Remus spewed out.

James met my gaze. "And a good morning to you too, Sirius."

My eyebrow arched. "Answer the question."

"Can we repeat the question in case my hearing has somehow been shot?" Remus asked, clearing his throat timidly.

"Your hearing hasn't been shot," I argued, shaking my head. "Lily-bean has informed me that Prongsie asked her to marry him three years ago."

Remus hesitated. "Did she say yes?"

James glared at him. "Of course she said yes, you prat!"

"Well, what do you expect me to think when you two are nowhere close to getting married?" Remus snorted, glaring right back at him.

"It's because it wasn't a real proposal," James snapped, shooting a look in my direction. "We were just living in the moment."

"What has changed since that moment?" I dared to ask curiously. "Because as Remus so delicately pointed out, you and Lily don't appear to be drinking the marriage Kool Aid as everyone else seems to be."

"We're not everyone else," James pointed out stubbornly. "And I'm not a huge fan of Kool Aid. Fruit punch isn't my thing."

"_James_," both Remus and I warned in unison.

He rolled his eyes. "Look, this is really between me and Lily so please don't speculate."

Remus blinked. "I assure you, we have no idea how not to speculate."

"It's true. We're pros at speculation. We should be awarded a medal for it," I agreed.

James rolled his eyes, taking a huge chunk of muffin and tossing it into his mouth. He swallowed it before saying, "Please just let it go."

I frowned. Glancing over at Remus I saw that he was frowning as well. "Us letting it go doesn't mean that Lily will be able to."

His eyes hastily met mine. I saw panic staring back at me. "I love her more than anything, Sirius," he spoke. Not the words I expected him to say, but before I could comment, he was grabbing his coffee and muffin and departing the kitchen.

I gaped at the kitchen door that he just left from, more confused than ever about James Potter. I turned to Remus. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means James will continue avoiding the topic of marriage."

I sighed. "Something he should be awarded a medal for."

* * *

**A/N: **Another chapter come and gone. I love the Marauders. All of them. So much. Can't decide which one I should marry. Review please.


	4. Of Ambushes, Waffles, & Honeymoons

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who has already invested their time and reviews into reading this story! I'm overwhelmed by it all! Not much to say here except please continue reading and please continue reviewing! The more you review, the more I will be inclined to update!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not J.K. Rowling and therefore own very little in this story. However, I was rather excited to see her on the opening of the Olympics last night!

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 3: Of Ambushes, Waffles, & Honeymoons

* * *

**++PETER++**

I shifted my position for what felt like the thousandth time that night as I felt my foot fall asleep. I was tired of crouching outside Lestrange Manor, the home of Rabastan, Rodolphus, and their father (probably one of the scariest guys I've ever met) Randolph. Word according to Dumbledore and Moody was that Rodolphus had been out of the country for months but has made his return. I had a pretty good feeling it was Severus that had told them. I knew he was a spy for both sides.

Just like I was.

Only difference was, Snape was doing it for the good of those fighting against Voldemort. I just so happened to be on the opposite side.

I would never tell the Dark Lord about Severus' double-agent side for two reasons. One, I would never want anyone to out me. And two, I could only imagine what Lord Voldemort would do to Severus Snape if he found out he was only acting like Death Eater in order to run off to Dumbledore with any news he received. And as much as the guy irritated me beyond belief, I wouldn't wish a painful death upon anyone.

Severus Snape had no idea that I was working undercover for Voldemort. Undercover being the key word. I kept a low profile. I had to for my own safety.

I groaned. Safety. Ironic considering I was putting the safety of my oldest, and only, friends in immense jeopardy.

I'm not proud of what I did. But I had no other choice. And I know you're probably screaming at me right now and calling me a coward and telling me that we all have choices. But what was I supposed to do? Bellatrix had been stalking me for weeks. Months. Threatening me. Attacking me. I had bruises on my abdomen to prove that. I had no doubt in my mind that if I avoided her and turned her down for a tenth time, I would have wound up dead. I had considered going into hiding, but I knew they'd find me. They have ways of tracking people down and torturing them. I had no desire to life a life in fear just like I'm sure Wynona Wilkes was living. We had both been recruited by other Death Eaters for weeks. Wynona eventually told me she couldn't be a part of a crowd that had killed her own parents just to get to her and told me I was welcome to come with her. I turned her down.

This was the part where you call me a coward again.

And this was the part where I agree.

I still shuddered when I recalled the last encounter I had with the scary Bellatrix Black. She had wandered into my family's pub, like she so often done in the past few weeks, and perched on one of the bar stools. "Hello, Petey."

Her voice gave me chills. Still did. My hand had frozen on the bottle of firewhisky I was pouring as I slowly turned around. "Y-you really need to stop popping in here," I spoke, praying my voice wasn't as shaky as I felt. "You d-do realize that people know who y-you are, right? My…um…my fatherknows who you are. People are going t-to start talking. Especially since you're supposed to be out of the country."

She had smirked at me, leaning in close to me. "You don't worry your pretty little head about that. I have ways of making people _not _talk."

More chills ran down my spine. "What do you want from me?" I had spoken in a hushed, fearful tone.

"It's not about what I want, Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater," she snorted. "It's about what the Dark Lord wants. And for some unknown reason, he thinks you'd be a perfect fit with his many, _many _plans."

I froze. "What…what kind of plans?"

"Plans that don't concern you unless you agree to join our ranks."

I didn't say anything, ignoring the calls from the nearby patrons asking for another drink. "Why…why me?"

"I don't question Master's intentions," Bellatrix hissed, her lips curling up into a snarl. "But I've got a pretty good feeling he knew you'd eventually say yes. Your friends don't appreciate you, Peter. And you know it. You're expendable. _They're _the ones fighting this stupid war. You're just a mere sidekick. Do you want to continue being a sidekick, Peter? Or do you want to make a difference?"

Once again, I was silent.

"What you have to understand, Petey, is that the Dark Lord _is _going to win eventually. Once he takes over, once those standing in his way are dead and buried, once the Ministry falls and it's all about him, your little friends won't be able to stop him. _No _one will be able to stop him. So don't defy him, Peter. Unless you want to be one of those fools who winds up dead and buried."

At that point, I was too scared to say anything.

"Of course, knowing Master, he will make you watch all of your so-called friends die before you. And he will laugh at your expense."

"Are you trying to scare me?"

"I'm trying to tell you the truth," she sneered. "This is your last chance, Peter. I can't promise that the Dark Lord will be recruiting you any longer if you refuse again. The only thing I will promise you is that your life is as good as over."

She had thrown a few more threats my way before I knew she wasn't kidding. She wasn't just saying it to say it. Believe me, there had been enough people she had killed in cold blood for me to know that I was good as gone if I didn't just agree to help however I could. I had originally tried giving as little information to Voldemort as possible but he saw right threw me. He had tortured me nearly to death before I realized my life was now in his hands. He was my Master now. It was no longer Dumbledore and the Order.

I groaned as I once again shifted my position, trying to stop myself from yawning. These stakeouts could go a lot quicker if Severus just finished his work on the Locating Liquid Potion. Death Eaters couldn't be discovered by tracking charms so a potion seemed the only logical way to go. I may have been forced into the role of a Death Eater but I wanted Voldemort and his minions destroyed probably now more than ever so I can stop being this horrible double agent.

I glanced over at James who looked exhausted. But we've been on this stakeout for five hours already and he had put in a full day of physical Auror training so that was expected. He shifted his weight surreptitiously, stifling a yawn.

"If he hasn't left the house by now, do you think he ever will tonight?" I whispered.

"You really think these Death Eaters are going to host clandestine meetings in the middle of the day?" Sirius snorted. "Midnight to them is like a normal person's seven o'clock at night. Just sit tight."

"My foot's asleep," I muttered irritably.

"Then switch positions but pipe down, will ya!" he snapped.

"Shh!" James finally interjected, glaring at both of us. "The front porch light just went on. Will you send the signal to the others?" Remus, Fabian, and Gideon were staking out the back of the house.

"Maybe they're just sending their cat out?" I suggested in a teasing sort of way.

I wasn't surprised when I got two identical glares sent my way as Sirius pressed his wand to the palm of his hand, spelling out Remus' name with a heating spell. I knew that Remus would feel the heat against his hand with Sirius' name staring up at him.

"It's all three of them," James murmured, his eyes peering out from the bush. "You think Dumbledore was right? That there is some gathering occurring in Hazelton of some of Voldemort's righthand men?"

I held my tongue. There was supposed to be a gathering until I warned the Dark Lord about us finding out about it. Now I believe we were heading into an ambush. Thankfully what the Lestranges didn't know was that there were three more of us in the back. Mostly because I hadn't known it was going to be six of us until about forty minutes before we started the stakeout.

My heart started beating wildly out of my chest as the three Lestranges walked up their front walkway, clad in dark dress robes. I could barely hear the rustle of the leaves and the loud breathing from Sirius and James over the beating of my heart when they met the end of their walkway. I knew that they couldn't apparate until on the outskirts of their Manor (like most wizarding homes, they had a protective shield around their property to keep unwanted visitors out). But I also knew the plan wasn't to actually apparate. It was to attack.

And in seconds, a hole was being blasted in the bush we were hiding behind and James and Sirius were scrambling to get out of the way of curses on the end of the Lestranges' wands.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" the patriarch of the family cackled.

"Peter, _move_!" Sirius hissed, grabbing my collar as he cried out "_Absidio_!" Rabastan and Randolph ducked before they could be slashed in the chest.

I grabbed my wand, thrusting a stinging hex at one of the Lestranges (I was too busy being dragged in the opposite direction to figure out which one).

"_Patronus Declamo!" _James cried out. He flicked his wand and hissed, "Find Remus and tell him we need help!" A foggy stag appeared out of the end of his wand and I knew it would be prancing over to the others in the back to let them know we needed help, just in case they hadn't heard the clamor thus far. "Adstringio!" he shouted, ropes falling from his wand towards Rodolphus. He had tried ducking but the ropes caught his legs and he fell to the ground in one swoop.

"Is that all you got, Potter?" Rodolphus sneered, an evil smirk playing on his lips as he ignored the scrapes on his hands. "_Crucio!_" he screamed, his wand pointed directly at James.

Sirius and I watched in horror as James fell writhing to the ground. Me, I just froze, but thankfully, Sirius stepped in. "Petrifocus Totalus!" he shouted, but Rodolphus rolled to the side, his wand still pointed at James who was now desperately trying to not scream out in what I could only tell was sheer agony. Rodolphus ducked as Sirius tried sending another spell at him but my eyes were focused in on James, who was thrashing back and forth in uncontrollable pain. Before I could even attempt to figure out a spell to stop what was going on in front of me, a strangled shout escaped James' mouth. A shiver ran down my spine at the utterly painful sound coming from my best friend. James Potter didn't show weakness so his screaming alone told me he was in sheer agony.

"_STUPEFY!" _Sirius screamed frantically, shaking me from my horror, and finally Rodolphus groaned as he fell to the floor, his wand losing contact with James. James finally stopped flailing, but the tormented groans that erupted from his mouth gave us both warning that he wasn't doing well at all.

"James," Sirius cried out in a grateful whisper, rushing in front of his friend to keep from anyone else going after him. Rabastan cackled at Sirius' clear show of heroicness and thrust his wand in his face.

"_Ex-expelliarmus!_" I squeaked towards Rabastan, but Rabastan's wand merely twitched.

"Damnit, Peter, you can't even do a goddamned disarming spell correctly!" a familiar voice screamed out. I whirled around to see Remus, Fabian, and Gideon rushing towards us. "_Expelliarmus!_" Remus shouted. Rabastan's wand was thrown into the air towards Remus.

"_Confring—_Oh!" Randolph cried out as he was hit with a tongue-tying curse. Rodolphus was slowly gaining consciousness as he glanced up nervously at the doubled group of people fighting against them.

In a matter of seconds, jets of bright light flew from everyone's wands. It was utter chaos, but it was clear that our side was coming out on top just by sheer numbers.

"Peter, you are _so _dead," Rabastan sneered as he grabbed his brother's arm. I knew he was referring to not being let on about the whole truth of that evening. "Bro, Dad, let's get the hell out of here!" he cried out, knowing being wandless and being outnumbered was clearly not in his favor.

"Yeah, you better run!" Gideon cried out as the three Lestranges rushed back towards their Manor, throwing curses back towards them until they were out of the sight.

"James, are you okay?" Sirius asked immediately, rushing to his best friend's side.

James could only slowly nod, not even able to get out a word.

"What happened?" Remus asked, trying to catch his breath. It was obvious the three of them ran over to help us as fast as their feet would carry them.

"Rodolphus attacked James with the Cruciatus curse," I spoke, picking myself off the ground.

Remus frowned, glancing down at his friend. James' eyes were shut tightly as he attempted to fixate on breathing evenly. "Hope you're not partial to these robes, James," Remus sighed, ripping them open to take a closer look at any internal damage. There was a bright bruise already forming on his chest that made us all cringe.

"I'm okay," James choked out hoarsely as his eyes fluttered open, trying to push Remus away.

"You will be, but we should get you to-"

"I'm not going to St. Mungo's," he muttered stubbornly, letting out a painful cough. "Just give me a few seconds, will ya?"

Remus sighed, looking up at the rest of us. None of us spoke for quite some time, all of us clearly trying to just digest the ambush we just witnessed.

Eventually, it was Fabian who spoke up. "They knew we were here, didn't they?"

Sirius nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "They knew the three of us were here. It seemed they weren't expecting six of us though. Thank Godric Dumbledore decided to put surveillance on the back of their property as well."

James groaned as he slowly sat up. Remus glared at him, gently nudging him back towards the ground. "Don't make any sudden movements, Potter."

James glared back at him. "I'm fine!" he urged in a whisper, smiling what could only be described as a weak smile. "In three years, we have never been ambushed. Why now?" he muttered, rubbing his chest with a slight wince.

I prayed that I didn't look guilty.

"I blame Severus," Sirius grunted. Sirius had been saying for years that Severus Snape wasn't one to trust. We had all somewhat tuned it out.

"Dumbledore trusts him," Fabian chimed in. "So we should, too."

"Clearly someone is untrustworthy," Sirius snapped. "Not a whole lot of people knew we would be here tonight."

"Including Severus," Remus pointed out in a murmur, his gaze still hesitant on James.

Sirius frowned. "Oh. Right."

"Look, can we discuss this elsewhere?" Gideon sighed, casting an uneasy look towards the Manor. "Who knows what they're doing in there. They could be calling for backup."

"Yeah, let's get to the basement of the Hog's Head," Sirius agreed. He turned to James. "You okay to-"

"Stop fussing over me," he growled as he slowly stood up from the ground. Remus reached out to help him up. He winced, still clearly in pain, but he put on a brave smile as he stood in front of us. "It's not like he tried to Avada Kedrava my arse."

"That is so not even close to being funny," Sirius snapped, glaring at his best friend. "C'mon, let's go."

As we all apparated to Hogsmeade, I couldn't help but send a last glimpse towards the Lestrange Manor wondering if, or what, was going to happen to me when the Lestranges told Voldemort that the intended ambush didn't go as planned.

It took two days but to answer that question, I was badly beaten and struck with a few Cruciatus curses.

I desperately needed to find a way out.

* * *

**++FABIAN++**

Dumbledore wasn't pleased when he found out we had been ambushed. In fact, he was downright livid. Our stakeout had only been planned 12 hours before it actually happened so very few people had been informed, leaving the unanswered question hanging in the air: how the hell did the Lestranges know we were doing a stakeout of their Manor?

He had finally dismissed us, telling us all to go home and go about our normal routines while he did some digging. He said he'd be in contact with us when he either had information or he had our next assignments. I had a pretty good feeling that while Dumbledore often had the answers, he wouldn't be able to find the answer to why we had been ambushed that night. I wondered if that would forever remain a mystery.

I mosied on over to Keegan's apartment that night. I knew it was late but I desperately wanted to be with her. She didn't know much about my extra-curricular activities (I didn't need to inform her that on top of being an Auror I was hunting down Voldemort and Death Eaters in my spare time as well), but when I slipped into her bedroom that night, she knew immediately that something was wrong.

While it was way after midnight, I wasn't surprised to see her holed up with an article in her hand and an empty glass of wine on her bedside table. "Hey," I whispered, shutting the door behind me.

"What happened?" she asked instantly.

"What? Nothing," I lied, shaking my head as I crawled into the bed beside her.

"You're lying," she sighed, pressing her cool hand to my cheek.

I glanced over at her and after kissing her, muttered, "Got ambushed tonight."

"What?"

"By…by Death Eaters."

She froze, her mouth forming a shocked O. "And this is why I hate dating Aurors," she said with a slight teasing smile.

I didn't point out that the ambush had nothing to do with my being an Auror. I merely grabbed her bedspread and pulled it over myself before placing my arm around her shoulders tightly. I brought her close to me, kissing the side of her face as I glanced down at the parchment in her hand. "What are you working on?"

"You talking about my work isn't going to make me forget you got ambushed."

I made a face. "I'm fine, Keegan," I whispered, sensing the panic in her voice. "I got away scratch-free."

A shy smile crept on to her face. "I'm going to have to inspect every inch of you to make absolutely sure you're not lying."

I grinned as I grabbed the parchment out of her hands and threw it on to her bedside table. "Somehow, I don't think I'll mind," I whispered, my lips crashing against hers in a fiery passion.

Later, as we lay there naked in bed I realized how much I depended on Keegan. When I needed to get away from the turmoil that had invaded my life because of the war, she was there to keep me reminded of the good in the world.

"I can feel you staring at me," she spoke and I recoiled in surprise.

I chuckled, pressing my lips against her neck. She giggled, the touch of my lips tickling her. "If you keep doing that, I'm never going to be able to get back to work."

"Good, you work too hard."

She rolled over to face me, a smile playing on her lips. "I have to work hard if I'm ever going to be taken seriously."

I sighed. "I know. I hate that just because you're female, you get the brunt of the work."

"Hm. I thought what you liked best about me _is _because I am female."

I laughed, burying my lips in her hair. "No, it's definitely you dry sense of humor."

She grinned, reaching over me to her bedside table to pick up the article I had previously thrown on it.

I slowly sat up, glancing at the page in front of her. "So what are you working on?"

"Editing. For Tyrone Glesky," she muttered, making a face. "Because apparently editing a man's work is all I'm good for."

"Oh, you're good for much more," I urged, winking suggestively.

She laughed, shoving me playfully before kissing me. "Stop being cute. I need to finish editing!"

I grinned, kissing her cheek as she picked up her quill. "What's the article?"

"A post-attack interview with Humphries." The Second-in-Command at the American Auror offices.

I sat up curiously, looking over her shoulder. "Oh yeah? Any insight?"

She glanced at me, a smile playing coyly on her lips. "You can never stop working, can you?"

I shrugged. "Probably not."

She chuckled and returned her gaze to the article in front of her. "Humphries seems to be as lost as the rest of us as to why they were chosen," she spoke, answering my previous question. "Though Glesky thought it might have something to do with the fact that Humphries' daughter seems to be MIA."

My eyebrow arched almost immediately. "He said his daughter had disappeared?"

"Not in those words, but Glesky mentioned she had been traveling and was supposed to return last week but never did."

I frowned, suspicion creeping in the back of my mind. "Where was she traveling?"

"Not sure. Somewhere around the States I think," she murmured, her focus clearly on the article still.

I couldn't be sure why, but I felt the hairs on my arm slowly stand up. I turned to her attentively, clearing my throat. "Keegan, start from the beginning," I said hesitantly. "What did Humphries say about his daughter exactly?"

"Nothing really," she spoke, turning to me in bewilderment. "Why? What are you thinking?"

I frowned hesitantly, slowly shrugging. "Any chance she was traveling on the west coast?"

Her gaze turned to shock. "You think she…she might have targeted?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "She could have been."

She slowly frowned. "That sounds confident."

"I don't need to be confident. I just need to know it could have been a possibility." Without saying anything else, I slowly climbed out of bed, reaching for my clothes and throwing them on haphazardly as Keegan attempted to figure out what I was trying to do.

"Fabian, hold on," she spoke, sitting upright. "Don't overreact. You barely have any information on the situation. At least wait until-"

"Until what?" I asked, turning to her with a frown. "Until the next attack occurs?"

I didn't let her reply as I rushed out of the room. I pounded on Lily's door incessantly, my fists growing red. But I barely noticed.

Eventually, the door opened and Lily was glaring at me, her eyes weary. "What the hell are you doing knocking on my door at three o'clock in the bloody morning?"

"Are you alone or is James here, too?" I asked frantically, having a pretty good feeling that after the night we had James would be there.

She blinked. "You knocked on my door for him?" she muttered dryly. "I'm officially annoyed."

"No, I'm here for the both of you," I retorted, shooting her an impatient look. "Is he here or not?"

She rolled her eyes, opening the door further up to reveal her boyfriend lying on the bed asleep. "Yes, he's here. Because apparently he can sleep through excessive loud knocking, the big lug."

I shrugged. "Sorry if I irritated you, but I think I know what may have happened on the west coast."

She stared at me in shock before exhaling sharply. "You couldn't have led with that?" she said, her eyebrow arching accusingly. She whirled around and grabbed her pillow, smacking James with it. "James, get up!"

He stirred groggily, peeking an eye open. "What the hell are you doing hitting me at three o'clock in the morning?"

I rolled my eyes at the similar wording that came from Lily earlier.

Lily continued. "Fabian's here and-"

"So?" he groaned.

"He thinks he might have an idea of what happened on the west coast."

James shot upright, his eyes growing in shock. "You couldn't have led with that?"

I blinked. "You two are really meant for each other."

"Er…not sure what that's supposed to mean, but can we get to the matter at hand?" James asked, shooting me a look. "How the hell could you possibly know what might have happened in the States? We spent the entire night together."

"Keegan," I said with a shrug.

Two blank stares looked back at me. "Yeah, we're going to need more information," said Lily. James nodded vigorously.

"Well so do I," I said. "We need to get to Moody."

"What? Why?"

I whirled around at the sound of Keegan's voice. I kissed her side of the face as I heard James and Lily searching for appropriate clothing to wear to wake up the Second-in-Command of the Auror offices. "I'll explain later."

"Like hell you will. Explain it now."

I pursed my lips. I hated getting her involved in the dangerous aspects of my job. I didn't want her to worry. "He knows Humphries," I said slowly. "Maybe he'll have answers."

"Fabian, what if you're blowing this out of proportion?" she asked hesitantly. "It could be nothing. It could-"

"But it could be something. And one of the most important things I've learned from being an Auror is that time is of the essence."

"You think Moody is going to appreciate being woken up by two of his employees and their girlfriends at three in the morning?"

I sighed. "Girlfriends? As in plural?"

"I'll be damned if I'm going to let you go alone."

I frowned. "Keegan, you're better off-"

"With you."

My frown intensified. I didn't want here anywhere near this situation. One, because I had no idea what I was going to find. And two, she had absolutely no idea about the Phoenix of the Order and I would be shocked if the Order didn't somehow come up in conversation with Moody.

"If you're going, I'm going."

I swore under my breath but eventually she nodded. I knew she meant it and I was wasting valuable time trying to argue with her. "Alright, fine, but only if you tell me everything you know about Humphries' daughter on the way over to Moody's."

"Deal."

And that's how the four of us ended up on Alastor Moody's doorstep at slightly after three o'clock in the morning.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

It could have been nothing. It was such an insignificant detail that may have just been pure speculation on Fabian's part. But I often realized that it was those tiny hunches that inevitably turned out to be fatally true.

Fabian knocked hesitantly on the large wrought-iron door. We all waited impatiently, wondering how Moody was going to choose to chew us out when he finds us on his doorstep due to a hunch.

Turns out, he wouldn't chew us out. Because our hunch was dead-on. We just happened to be too late.

When the door was thrust open, Moody came barreling through it, stopping short when he saw us there. "What in Merlin's beard are you all doing at my door at this time of day?" he grunted, trying to catch his breath.

Clearly, he had already been on his way out. "Er…Fabian has something to tell you," I said sheepishly.

Fabian shot me a look. "Gee, thanks."

"Can it wait until morning? I have grave business to attend to."

"Not really," Fabian murmured, the tip of his ears turning pink. "It's about the west coast attacks and Humphries' daughter."

I could have sworn remorse flashed across Moody's face. "Who told you?" he said softly.

We all exchanged confused glances. "Told us what?" I dared to ask.

He shot us an impatient look. "About Humphries' daughter."

"Keegan," I spoke.

She looked like she wanted to crawl away the way Moody fixed his stare on her. "And how did you find out?"

She hesitated. "Found out what exactly?" Ever the journalist, answering a question with another probing question.

Moody frowned. "Marianna Humphries' mangled body was found in the Grand Canyon a few hours ago."

Four identical gasps filled Moody's doorstep.

His eyes filled with impatient guilt. "If you didn't know she was murdered, then what are you doing here?"

None of us spoke, still too horrified about the news. Finally, Fabian cleared his throat. "We came here to tell you that Humphries' daughter disappeared," he spoke softly. "But apparently that's old news."

Moody hung his head contritely, nodding slowly. "Alas, you're just a few hours too late."

"Why her?" Lily croaked out, finally speaking. "Why Marianna? What did she ever do?"

As Moody's eyes met hers, I sensed burden peering back. He didn't reply immediately, his emotions wavering back and forth amongst bewilderment and curiosity and guilt and finally settling on reluctance. I saw his gaze flicker ever-so-slightly on Keegan before turning back to Lily. "She was recruiting ex-Aurors in hopes of forming an organization solely focused on hunting down Voldemort and his followers to prevent them from taking over the wizarding world."

My heart nearly stopped and based on the pale faces that overcame Fabian and Lily, their thoughts rested heavily on the Order of the Phoenix at that moment.

"Isn't that what you guys do?" Keegan asked, confused.

Four heads whipped to face her in panic. "What!" we all cried out with wide eyes.

She offered us a baffled gaze. "As Aurors."

I'm pretty sure a sigh of relief escaped my mouth. "We try to," I spoke softly. "But our focus is on protecting the wizarding world from all crime. Not just Voldemort's bullshit. We have more on our plate than an organization like the one Marianna tried to form would have had."

Keegan didn't look convinced but merely nodded sullenly. "Does the _Daily Prophet _have word of Marianna's death yet?" she murmured.

Moody shook his head. "No, the details are still very much indistinct. So don't go running your mouth to them, Miss Rouge. I'll give you the scoop when I know more."

"Like I haven't heard that one before," she spoke, but a hint of a smile rested on her face.

If the situation were anything but humorous, Moody may have chuckled. But he didn't. He merely offered her a curt nod. "I'll have more answers by tomorrow," he spoke with a sigh as he glided past us. Seconds later, he had apparated and was gone.

The four of us remained rooted on the doorstep, our thoughts heavily weighted with so many questions and concerns.

Eventually, Keegan broke the silence. "No one is safe anymore, are they."

None of us bothered responding. We all knew what the answer was anyway.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I was awoken by James early the following morning so he could tell me about Humphries' daughter. I was speechless. Which is quite unheard of from me. First, an ambush outside the Lestrange's home. Next, the death of the American Second-in-Command's daughter. What was going to happen next? A betrayal from a friend? An attack in our very backyard? The death of the Minister of Magic?

I rid those thoughts from my head immediately, refusing to even go there.

"How's Humphries doing?" I had asked softly.

James shrugged. "Not sure. But Moody had been on his way over to Humphries earlier. And I think for the first time that I can ever remember, he's going as a friend and not as the Second-in-Command."

I merely nodded. "I pray that Voldemort never finds out about the Order," I murmured. "He'll come after all of us for sure."

James' eyebrow knitted as he frowned. "And that will be different from now how?"

I met his concerned gaze and thought of his fallen brothers. "James, I-"

"This war is real," he spoke softly.

My heart ached at the despair in his voice. "Tell me something I don't know," I whispered.

"I need to get back to Lily," he said, climbing off my bed frantically.

"What? You just came from there."

"If she thinks she's going on that damned business trip to Philadelphia, she's crazy."

He rushed towards the door. "That trip I still on?" I asked, shocked.

"According to her, the American Ministry doesn't want to give Voldemort the satisfaction of being the reason behind any change of plans."

"Hm," I murmured. "That actually makes sense."

"She's still not going."

"You're never going to be able to convince her not to go," I pointed out as he attempted to flee.

He stopped in the doorway, turning around to face me. There was a glint of desperate longing in his eyes. "I know," he murmured. "But I've got to try."

"What are you so worried about?"

He frowned, leaning against the doorframe glumly. He didn't respond immediately, his brow furrowing vulnerably. "I just want her with me," he whispered.

Before I could figure out a proper response, he was out the door.

As expected, he couldn't convince her. But I don't think it was ever about trying to keep her from going. After hearing about Mariana, it was just about wanting to be with the girl he loved and needing to keep her safe.

He was annoyingly worried about her over the next three days and literally raced over to her flat the moment she returned on Friday night. Remus, Peter, and I joined them (much to Keegan's chagrin but it amused me to irritate her so) as we read over the article that Keegan had rightfully written about Marianna Humphries' unfortunate death. Moody had passed along insider information to her as he promised he would and he had set up an interview for her and some of the Aurors in the North American Auror offices. Malone apparently hadn't been terribly pleased as he often found enjoyment out of stifling the female writers, but Moody had insisted and who could ever say no to Mad-Eye Moody?

After we all examined the article and chatted about the state of the wizarding world, it came as no surprise to any of us that we ended up at Blarney's where Fabian eventually joined us. We made a toast to Humphries and wished that things could for once be at peace in our world.

We knew we were stretching with that one.

So instead we all just tried to stay positive while secretly waiting for the next big bombshell to hit us.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

Sirius rushed into the kitchen early that Saturday morning where I was sitting with James, both groaning at how much alcohol had been consumed the night before. We all rarely drank enough to get tipsy nowadays and yet somehow we were all persuaded into taking tequila shots. I think we have Sirius to blame for that. Actually, I think we have the stress of our everyday lives to thank for that otherwise we wouldn't have even considered it.

"Coffee?" James offered, holding out a cup to Sirius.

Sirius grabbed it hastily and practically gulped it down in a single sip, earning a look both from me and James. "Please tell me we have some granola bars still lying around," he asked frantically.

"In the cupboard," I said, giving him a curious look.

He rushed into the cupboard and seconds later came back with the granola bar already half-stuffed into his mouth. "Fanks!" he said, spewing out pieces everywhere.

"Um, ew." I made a face. "Why the hell are you in such a hurry?"

Sirius glanced up at the clock. "I don't want to be late."

"Where the hell are you going off to at nine o'clock in the morning?" James snorted.

He grinned and I suddenly wondered if I even wanted to hear his response. "I've got a date with Hailey Mitchell."

"That jazz singer last night at Blarney's?" I asked.

Sirius nodded, his grin growing.

"Why are you going out with her so early in the morning?" James asked curiously.

Another question I was sure I probably didn't want to know the answer to.

"It's the only time we can really meet up," Sirius explained. "Her Muggle husband plays golf on Saturday mornings."

I was right. I didn't want to know the answer. "Sirius!" I groaned, shaking my head in disbelief. "The last time you went out with someone married, her husband found out and nearly hexed you to pieces. Are you ever going to learn?"

"No," he laughed. "Nor do I want to."

I sighed, but found myself cracking a smile. "Well, you certainly provide us with endless entertainment and stories that never get old retelling, so I'm not going to stop you."

Sirius laughed and finished off the rest of his granola bar. "Okay, well, I'm out of here," he said, rushing towards the door. He stopped in the entrance and turned back with a sly look, saying hastily, "Oh, and if the girl I picked up from Blarney's last night who is still upstairs comes down while I'm gone, feel free to make up some tragic story about how I got pulled into a surgery last-minute and won't be back for several hours but that I'm not looking for a long-term relationship anyway. Thanks! Bye!"

"SIRIUS!" both James and I shouted out, glaring at him before he could whisk away. He was always putting us in awkward positions.

"What?" he said, shrugging innocently. "She thinks I'm a Healer."

"That's not what we were screaming your name for!" James retaliated. "Why do you always leave us with the aftermath of dealing with your crazy women?"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius argued innocently. "She's not crazy."

"SIRIUS!" I groaned, smacking my palm against my forehead. "For _once_, can't you get rid of the girl without our help?"

Sirius shrugged. "No. I'm irresistible. The girls won't listen to me break it off with them. They just see my cute face and my hot body and want to jump me."

"A.k.a. you're a coward," James snickered.

"Yes, perhaps," he said with a grin. "I know she likes waffles, so if you want to let her down easy, I'd start making some now."

"I'm not making her waffles!" I cried out.

Sirius made a face. "A guy that she really likes is breaking up with her via his _friends_. The least you could do is make the girl some waffles!" he retaliated. "Oh, and if you want to make a few extra for me to eat later, I wouldn't say no to that."

"We're not making waffles!" James and I both said in unison.

"Ooh, I could go for some waffles," a familiar voice spoke. We all turned to see Keegan striding into the kitchen, pushing past Sirius.

"Yeah, sure, welcome to our home," Sirius said sarcastically. "Don't you ever knock?"

Keegan snorted. "Like you could hear me. This place is the size of the Queen's castle."

"The Queen's castle is actually thrice the size of Potter Manor," James explained.

Keegan stared at him, an amused blank expression spreading across her face. "I hope you realize that it's not only sad you know that, it's sad you offered up that information."

"Yeah, I regretted it the moment it came out of my mouth," he said sheepishly. "So what are you doing here so early on a Saturday morning?"

"I was clearly hoping to catch you during waffle-making time," she teased. "I see I'm early." She slid into an empty kitchen seat beside me and grinned. "Ah, well, I can wait."

"You'll be waiting a long time," I joked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, heading back out the kitchen. "Rouge, try and make yourself useful and convince the guys that making waffles would be a productive use of their time."

Keegan slowly quirked an annoyed eyebrow. "And where the hell are you off to at nine o'clock on a Saturday morning?"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but Keegan hastily continued, "You know what? Never mind. I can guarantee I wouldn't want to know the answer."

"Smart move," I said with a hint of a smile.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm leaving before any other insults are thrown my way," he grumbled. "P.S. the girl's name is Alisha."

"We're not breaking up with her for you!" I shouted after him, but he had already made a mad dash for the front door.

Keegan glanced at me curiously. "Do I want to know what that was in reference to?"

"No," James and I said in unison.

Keegan shrugged. "That's usually the case when it comes to Sirius."

"Want some coffee?" I suggested.

She nodded eagerly. "Please. I hear it goes well with waffles."

I shot her a look over my shoulder as I got up off my seat and walked over to the half-full coffee pot. "Coffee also goes well with nonexistent waffles."

She laughed as she graciously took the mug of coffee out of my hands.

"So what are you doing here so early on a Saturday morning?" I asked, slipping back into my seat at the table.

"I'm here for you, James," she said with a curt shrug. She reached into her bag and pulled out a folder, handing it to James. "That's a folder with the information I could find on Sydny Lafevre."

"Oh!" he cried out, excited. He hastily took the folder from her hands and immediately started flipping through it. "Thanks for doing this. Did you find anything good?"

Keegan shrugged, leaning back in her chair with a peculiar look on her face. "I don't know if I'd call it good, but it's definitely weird."

James' eyes flickered off the page and towards Keegan's eager face. "What's weird?"

"I can't seem to find any information on the girl since she moved to France eight years ago."

He hesitated, confused. "Nothing?"

Keegan shook her head. "Nada. And according to Beauxbatons records, she was never a student there under the name of Sydny Lafevre. And I'm pretty sure she wasn't a student there when I was there. Not that I can remember at least."

"So where the hell did she come from?" James asked, his voice raising slightly. I knew that it wasn't because he was mad at Keegan but because he wanted to know what the hell he'd be dealing with once Sydny arrived at his office. I was a tad curious as well.

"Beats me."

James sighed, slumping down in his chair. "Well, thanks for all of this information," he murmured.

"Sure, anytime," Keegan said with a shrug. "And hey, an old buddy of mine works in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the French Ministry. I'll drop him a line and see if he knows anything. But I can't promise anything. He only started working there five years ago so Sydny had arrived before his time."

James shrugged. "Just keep me posted," he murmured, stifling a yawn. "It looks like my Saturday will be spent working."

Both Keegan and I burst into laughter. "And that's different than most Saturdays how?" I asked.

James scowled. "I like keeping busy!"

"Didn't your girlfriend _just _get back from her business trip last night?" I pointed out. "Shouldn't you be more focused on seeing her?" James often buried himself in his work. Not that he didn't enjoy his job, but I find that he often hid behind his work so he didn't have to deal with anything real. The real world often kicked his ass unfortunately. But if I'm being completely honest, he's had enough tragedy in his life that I didn't blame him for burying himself in his work.

"I saw her last night," James explained. "And I'll see her tomorrow at Corner Joe's." We have a standing Sunday morning coffee date for any of us that are available for coffee and scones. Because it's every Sunday, these meetings often don't take precedence, but we'll go when we don't have anything else to do and want to spend it in the company of each other.

"Well, if there won't be any waffles made anytime soon, I think I'm going to head out," Keegan interjected with a hopeful look.

We all laughed as she finished up her coffee, levitating the cup into the kitchen sink. Just as she started to get up from the table, Sirius wandered back in looking quite unnerved.

"Back so soon?" she snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Apparently husbands can't play golf on rainy days," Sirius grunted, shaking his head.

I couldn't help burst into laughter, quickly joined by James. Keegan, on the other hand, looked appalled. "Are you telling me that you're hooking up with a married woman?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "_No_," he argued. "If I was hooking up with her, I would be with her right now, don't ya think?"

"Please tell me that you never plan on getting married."

He scoffed. "Hell no! I'm going to be a bachelor for life."

"Why does that not surprise me?" she drawled.

Sirius slid into the empty seat that had just belonged to Keegan and shrugged. "Hate to break it to you, but I'm not like every girl in England who has planned out her wedding since she was old enough to put a pillowcase on her head and call it a veil."

"Not every girl wants to get married, Sirius," Keegan scowled. "They probably have a broken heart from _you _to thank for that."

I could feel the tension rising in the air. Or maybe it was just me feeling extremely uncomfortable on the subject of marriage.

"Well, they're probably better off," Sirius snorted. "Marriage is overrated. Not worth the time or the energy."

Keegan's next words surprised me. "Or the risks?"

Ironically, none of us really needed to ask her what she meant by that. We all knew she was referring to the risk of getting hurt. But we were all probably thinking the same thing: what did Keegan know about the risk of getting hurt? She kept her emotions so heavily bottled inside and rarely showed any sign of vulnerability, but I could have sworn there was a flicker of agony in her eyes when she just spoke. I knew better than to question it, however. If anyone knew about keeping their emotions at a distance, it was me. Anytime we talked about relationships, I immediately felt uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Sirius murmured eventually. "Exactly."

"Besides," James interjected, a hint of a smile. "I just can't see Sirius nicknamed Hubby anytime soon."

"Hubby Black?" Keegan joked. "I don't know. It has a nice ring to it."

"No pun intended," I said, earning a laugh from everyone.

"To be fair," Sirius interjected. "Hubby Black sounds a lot more believable than Wifey Rouge."

Keegan rolled her eyes. "And as I've already mentioned, I don't plan on being Wifey anytime soon."

"If you were to marry anyone, it should be Sirius," James teased, watching both Keegan and Sirius pretend to gag.

"Do I even want to know the logic behind that one?" I asked curiously.

"It's fate," James said with a grin. "Both their last names are colors."

Sirius gave him a look.

"Rouge is red in French, you dimwit," James sighed.

"And I believe I asked for _logic_," I argued, shaking my head in disbelief as Keegan used that time to smack James on the back of the head.

"OW!"

"Let's not joke about Black and I walking down the aisle," she argued, shuddering. "I wouldn't want to throw up all of that coffee I just drank on to your kitchen floor."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh, great. Then James might make a joke about you and morning sickness, _Wifey_."

"You're _married_!"

All four of us whirled around to see a woman standing in our kitchen doorway with a very irate look on her face, glaring heatedly at Sirius.

"Er..." Sirius stuttered.

"You _slept _with me and you have a _wife_?" she (I believe Sirius said her name was Alisha) shrieked.

"Er..."

"Do you have no morals?"

Sirius hesitated. "Do you want some waffles?"

"No!" she shouted, storming over to him and slapping him across the face. "You should be ashamed of yourself!"

I was trying so hard not to laugh, but with one peek at James, we couldn't help but break out into uncontrollable giggles. It was always hilarious when Sirius wound himself into a sticky situation. Glancing over at Keegan, she was looking positively gleeful as well. But I bet that had something to do with watching Sirius get smacked by a girl.

THe Alisha girl turned to Keegan. "And _you _should divorce this guy as soon as possible."

"Y'know, that's the best advice I've received all day," Keegan said with a smirk, turning to look at Sirius. She narrowed her eyes at him. "You cheating bastard! The worst decision I ever made was saying 'I do' to you!" And then she took the liberty of slapping Sirius on the opposite cheek.

"HEY!" Sirius shouted, grasping his cheek.

"I am _so _out of here," Alisha sneered, shooting one more dirty look in Sirius' general direction.

She stormed out and Sirius turned to glare at Keegan. "Was that _necessary_?" he scowled.

"No, but it certainly was fun," she said with a grin. "Besides, you should be thanking me. I could have said that not only were we not married but that you had just admitted to us that you were head-over-heels in love with her and already picking out your kids' names in that dense little head of yours. Instead, I got rid of her for you."

Sirius paused. "Hm. Alas, you make a point. You should be rewarded with waffles," he said, turning towards me and snapping his fingers. "Remus? Waffles?"

I rolled my eyes. "Sod off, Padfoot. I'm not making you waffles."

He pouted and sunk into the chair. "The least you could do for me is make waffles," he murmured. "Not only did my mistress dump me, but I just found out my potentially pregnant wife wants to divorce me."

Laughter filled the kitchen and it came as a relief. Even when we're on a subject of marriage or divorce, I still found a way to laugh about it.

* * *

**++LANCE++**

Kay and I rarely trudged out of bed to get to Corner Joe's on Sunday mornings. We're both usually so busy for the rest of the week with work and wedding plans and once a month, Kay was on call at St. Mungo's on Sundays. But we had just booked our honeymoon the night before and were feeling pretty good.

"Are you sure you want to go?" I whined, stifling a yawn as I watched her throw on a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt. Personally, I think she looked the sexiest when dressed down. She was so naturally beautiful.

She glanced into the mirror at me sprawled out on the bed. "Do you remember the last time we were at Corner Joe's?"

I hesitated, trying to rack my brain.

"You going to find that answer anytime soon?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Since when did you care about putting in an appearance at Joe's?"

She shrugged, throwing her hair into a messy bun. "Maybe I really want a scone."

"We have scones in our kitchen."

"Not fresh ones!"

I rolled my eyes, cracking a smile. "Okay, fine, but you will have to drag me out of this bed."

She turned around slowly, quirking an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?" she said. A sly smile spread across her face as she leaned over the bed and pressed her soft lips against mine. She ran her fingers through my hair as she slipped her tongue into my mouth slowly but succulently.

I could seriously kiss her all day.

So of course I groaned when she pulled away. "Tease," I pouted as she winked, skipping back over to the mirror.

"If you get up and actually put on a shirt, there will be more where that comes from _later_," she said suggestively.

"Hm, and what does 'more' refer to?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "I have to leave something up to the imagination."

I grinned. "My imagination loves you."

She laughed. "Just your imagination?"

I crawled off the bed and made my over to her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders from behind and kissing the side of her face. "All of me loves you, Kay," I whispered. "You're an amazing woman."

She placed her hand on my arm, staring at me through the mirror. "You're not getting laid right now, Gilmore."

I pouted. "Damn. And that was some of my best romantic work."

She laughed, kissing my bare arm. "Put on a shirt, babe, and let's go."

I sighed overdramatically and wandered over to the dresser as she headed into the bathroom. I pulled out the first shirt I saw and smelled it. Shrugging, I threw it on. "What do you think the others are going to say when we tell them about our honeymoon?"

She hesitated. I knew it probably wasn't because she was in the middle of brushing her teeth but because she wasn't sure how to respond. "I don't know," she said in all honesty. "Hopefully, it won't be a big deal."

I frowned. "It will be," I muttered knowingly. "But let's hope they don't say anything."

She nodded as she walked back into the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe. "Have you ever heard of Sirius _not _saying anything?"

"Good point, we're doomed."

She grinned. "Pretty much," she said. "But let's just get it over with. You ready to go?"

I nodded, outstretching my hand to hers. We wandered out of our flat and instead of apparating, we made the short walk to the coffee shop. It was a beautiful crisp autumn day that neither one of us wanted to miss.

When we arrived at our usual table at the café, I wasn't surprised to see that everyone was filling their usual role. Lily and Remus were hunched over the latest _Witch Weekly _answering the multiple choice quiz of the week for pure amusement. This week they were chatting about which season their relationship relates to the most with the occasional sexist comment from Sirius, who was busy trying to flirt with the barista. James was perusing the Sunday edition of the _Daily Prophet_, occasionally interrogating Keegan about some of the details printed in the articles on the front page. Fabian and Keegan were arguing about the latest restaurant they had gone to with Keegan believing that the steak was undercooked and Fabian thinking that Keegan was too critical. Caleb and Shannon were arguing about Shannon's latest bout of morning sickness and whether or not decaffeinated green tea was good for the baby or not. Oh yeah, did I mention I was going to be an uncle in about three months?

"Hey!" Lily greeted us both, embracing Kay and offering me a curt nod. "This is unusual. What brings you guys to Joe's today?"

"Well, from what I overhear, I was really interested in knowing whether you are a Spring or a Fall," I teased, kissing Lily on the cheek as she and James collected two more chairs for the already crowded table.

Lily laughed. "I still have a few questions left to answer, but stay tuned."

"Oh, I'm on the edge of my seat," I joked, turning back towards my fiancée.

"So, seriously, how did you drag this one away from wedding planning?" Caleb asked, gesturing to Kay.

Kay rolled her eyes. "I don't spend _all _my free time dealing with wedding plans."

I was not surprised when the table erupted into boisterous laughter.

Kay pouted. "I need a coffee," she muttered, glancing my way. "Latte with extra foam?"

I nodded. "Yes, please."

Sirius rolled his eyes as Kay headed to the register. "You two are so predictable."

"A.k.a. a winter relationship," Remus chimed in with a smile.

I quirked a skeptical eyebrow. "Do I even want to know what a winter relationship is?"

"Probably not," James snickered.

Lily answered my question anyway. "Quiet, comfortable, predictable, and secure."

"Oh," I said. "Well, that doesn't sound so bad."

"Sounds pretty bad to me," Sirius teased.

"At least I have a relationship to compare a season with," I retaliated, winking playfully at him.

"I have relationships, as fleeting as they are," said Sirius, as he tore off a small piece of Shannon's muffin and chucked it into his mouth. She stabbed his hand with her plastic fork for daring to cross her food. "Ow! All of them are summers, if you're wondering," he muttered, thrusting his hand away from Shannon.

"I wasn't," I drawled.

"Let me guess," Fabian chimed in. "Hot and heavy? Steamy and fierce?"

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes," Remus snickered. "Plus volatile and impulsive."

"Those quizzes are ridiculous," Kay interjected as she arrived back at the table, handing me my latte. "P.S. Sirius, I'm pretty sure this number on the side of my coffee cup is meant for you."

Sirius grinned and reached for Kay's cup immediately. She held it out of his reach. "No way am I giving you Brandy's number!"

Sirius gasped. "You tease."

"Yes, I agree," I joked, thinking back to the morning snog session that had unfortunately been cut short.

Kay snickered, shooting me a look before turning back towards Sirius. "Sirius, we love this coffee shop," she reminded him. "We come here every Sunday and I'll be damned if you ruin it for us."

"Why would you assume I'm going to ruin it?"

"Because you ruined Franducci's," Remus responded immediately.

"And Perry's Pub," Fabian said, talking about one of our former local bars.

"Hammond and Cheese," Lily said, the deli that's across the street from the Ministry.

"The diner," Shannon said.

"And our local grocery store!" James groaned.

"Stop hooking up with girls at our local hang-outs," Caleb pleased.

Sirius hesitated. "Maybe this time it's different. Maybe I like Brenda."

"Brandy!" we all shouted.

"Yes?"

We all froze, turning towards the counter where the barista was glancing over at us.

"Er…a round of scones for everyone please," James said awkwardly, flashing her a smile.

"I hope you're buying," Keegan joked.

James snickered before glancing back over at Sirius. "We love this coffee shop," he said. "We are here at least once a week. If we're not at Blarney's, we're here."

"Yeah. And if you screw over Brandy, you're going to kill the coffee shop," Remus said.

"I don't want to look for another one," Lily interjected. "It took us weeks to find another deli!"

"Don't kill the coffee shop, dude," Fabian pleaded.

Sirius shrugged. "Eh, I think it'll be fine."

"Coffee shop killer," Caleb murmured.

"It's just one date!"

"No," Keegan interjected immediately, shooting him a look. "It's just one night-stand where you'll tell the girl exactly what she wants to hear and for some bizarre reason, she'll fall for your bullshit where she will then be convinced you're in a relationship. And when you suddenly halt all communication with her, she'll hate you forever and _spit in our drinks_."

"A.k.a. _don't kill the coffee shop_," I said pleadingly.

"Oh, you barely show up to these Sunday morning gatherings anyway," Sirius pointed out, waving his hand dismissively.

Hm. He had a point. "They still make a damned good latte."

"With extra foam," Sirius teased.

"Which will be thrown in your face if you so much as bat your eyelashes at the barista."

Sirius slumped down in his chair, pouting. "You guys take all the fun out of chasing girls."

"Good," said Remus. "Maybe you'll actually learn."

Keegan snorted. "Doubtful."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. "Please tell me that someone has some sort of news that won't make me grab Lance's latte and throw it in Keegan's face."

Oops, that was my cue. "Kay and I booked our honeymoon," I said hesitantly.

"Oh, sorry, I meant exciting news."

I smacked Sirius with James' newspaper. "It is exciting!"

"I didn't realize you were the girl in the relationship."

"Hey! There is nothing wrong with being excited to go to Australia _and get away from you_," I smirked, shooting him a look.

Silence filled the table. A long awkward silence. Even Keegan looked thoroughly confused by the sudden halt in chatter. Eventually, Lily spoke. "You're going to Australia?"

A small knot grew in my stomach. I wasn't surprised by the wary looks on all my friends. I realized what Australia meant to them. It represented the loss of a friend. Hey, I lost my sister then, too. But she had said that if there was any place to go on a relaxing vacation, it was Australia. And I know that Kay had always wanted to go there. So it wasn't difficult choosing Australia to travel to for our honeymoon. "Yeah," I said with a smile. "For two weeks."

Silence fell over the table. I especially noticed the interchange of looks between Caleb and Shannon but didn't say anything.

"Well, alright, but try to avoid being eaten by a koala bear or a kangaroo, okay?" James eventually said to ease the tension.

"Ooh, bring us back a pet kangaroo!" Fabian said with an enthusiastic grin.

"You're not getting a kangaroo," Keegan retaliated almost immediately.

"Okay, fine," Fabian murmured. "Koala bear it is."

"You're not getting a koala bear either!"

I leaned over to Fabian and whispered, "I'll try to sneak one back for you."

I wasn't surprised when Keegan smacked me with the newspaper.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

"Knock, knock!"

A slight pause before Lily cried out, "In the kitchen!"

I strolled into the kitchen with a grin. "Something smells delicious."

"Spaghetti Bolognese," she explained, stirring the pasta sauce.

"Well, my timing is impeccable," I said, kissing her cheek. "If there's enough for two, I mean."

She laughed, putting the wooden spoon down and turning around to wrap her arms around my shoulders tightly. "Don't think I don't know you planned this," she said with a teasing smile, pressing her lips firmly to mine. "Let me guess: Sirius and Remus are arguing between Chinese food and pizza for dinner?"

I nodded. "They've been going at it for nearly an hour," I said between kisses. "I decided a home-cooked meal by the best cook in England would be the better way to go."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Are you just flattering me in hopes of getting laid tonight?" she joked.

My heart skipped a beat at the adorable smirk on her face. "Abso-fucking-lutely," I whispered, pressing my lips against her jawline underneath her ear, running a trail of kisses towards her neck.

She moaned lightly as I hastily hoisted her on to the counter. She wrapped her legs around my waist as my mouth made its way back towards her lips."Well, it's definitely working," she said breathlessly.

I pressed my lips to her hungrily, whispering, "Believe me, I'd much rather be here with you than home with those two idiots."

"Especially after the week we had," she murmured, digging her fingers into my my messy hair.

A strained smile fell to my lips. She knew me so well. I had spent Friday evening with her, all morning with her, and now I was back to spend more time with her. But after being ambushed by the Lestranges and hearing about Mariana Humphries' death, all I wanted was to attach myself to her in fear of losing sight of what really mattered. And while the future scared the shit out of me (it probably always would), I just wanted so desperately to make sure that she was going to be okay. She was my biggest weakness in a way. I could barely go through a day without thinking about her and wondering where she was and what she was doing. Not necessarily because I couldn't stop thinking about her (which was true) but because I wondered if she was safe.

"Yeah" was all I could say. "Especially after the week we had." My lips took another detour towards her neck and slowly made their way towards her cleavage.

Another moan emitted from her lips and I hardened at the very sound. "Please tell me Keegan is gone," I whispered breathlessly.

"She's at Fabian's for the night," she responded in a hoarse whisper

"Good," I murmured, picking her off the counter as my tongue started to explore the inside of her mouth.

"What about dinner?"

"Dinner can wait," I said immediately.

With a flick of my wand, the oven burners were extinguished and I was carrying her quickly back to her bedroom, our kisses leading the way.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I found my way back into the kitchen an hour later, the grin on my face so effortless. Even in a whirlwind of a week, he could make me feel so loved and safe. He made me forget everything that was going on around us and gave me the ability to focus on us.

I heard soft footsteps behind me and couldn't help but smile.

"Nice shirt," he said behind me.

I chuckled and glanced behind my shoulder where he was leaning so casually against the kitchen doorframe in just his jeans. I glanced down at the button-down shirt I was wearing which just so happened to be his. "I hope you don't want it back anytime soon."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yes, why would I want to tear that shirt off of you leaving you completely naked? The horror!"

I laughed, shooting him a look. "I'm stirring spaghetti sauce. Could you imagine the spatter?"

He grinned. "Okay, fine, you can keep it on for now," he joked as he walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing the side of my face.

"Just for now?"

"Eh, we'll see how the rest of the night goes."

I couldn't help but laugh as I spooned some of the spaghetti sauce into his mouth. "Mm, yum," he whispered. "So how is that you look so much sexier in my shirt than I do?"

"I think you look pretty damned sexy in it yourself, Mr. Potter," I whispered.

He pressed his lips lightly along my exposed neckline. "Nearly four years later and we're still irresistible to each other," he murmured, his breath warm and comforting against my ear.

"You are determined to put off dinner as much as possible, aren't you?" I muttered, shutting my eyes as I let his lips leave a trail of sensual kisses down my neck and shoulder.

He grinned. "I'm just making up for lost time."

"I was away on business for only three days."

"Okay, so I'm horny. You got a problem with that?"

I laughed and turned around in his arms to kiss him. "Not at all," I whispered. "But if I overcook the pasta, we're going to be debating about whether to get Chinese food or pizza for dinner."

He chuckled and gave me another quick kiss. "Okay, fine, I'll back off," he teased. "In fact, you always cook for me. You pour yourself a glass of wine and sit down, and I'll finish up here."

I quirked an eyebrow, glancing down at his bare chest. "Aren't you afraid of spatter?"

He grinned, kissing the side of my face. "I'll risk it," he whispered.

"How rebellious of you," I teased. "But I'm not so sure I want to have my kitchen burn down."

He gave me a look. "You've already put all the ingredients in. All I have to do it stir the pasta sauce and cook spaghetti. I shouldn't be able to screw that up."

"Yeah, but somehow, I'm sure you'll find a way."

"Oh, I didn't realize you wanted spaghetti in your hair."

I grinned and kissed him again. We had a pretty shameless snog session before I reached for the white wine on the counter. "Pressure's on, Potter," I teased, ducking underneath his arm and taking a seat at the round kitchen table. He was staring at the spaghetti sauce intently, obviously not wanting to screw it up. I couldn't help but smile. "How did I get so lucky to find someone like you?"

"Well, as an eleven-year-old girl, I'm pretty sure you thought differently," he joked, winking playfully at me.

I chuckled. "Times have certainly changed," I said softly.

He glanced behind him. "I hope for the better."

I smiled, my eyes filling with warmth and love. "Definitely for the better," I said.

He turned down the burner and came over to me, framing my face with his hands and kissing me. "If we continue doing this, we're never going to eat," he teased.

I swatted at him, shooing him away. "Go tend to our meal, Mr. Potter," I joked formally. "I'll be waiting here when the sauce is done."

He chuckled, giving me another quick kiss before heading back to the stove. He was the love of my life, there was no doubt about it. It was these small moments I remembered why I fell in love with him. His smile was genuine, so warm and comforting. His eyes were soft and the worry that I often saw staring back at me had disappeared. He still had one hell of a muscular body and I often thanked all the hard work he spent in the training facilities for that. He never looked so sexy than he did with his jeans on and no shirt. My heart skipped a beat. I literally just wanted to go over to him and have my way with him for a second time that night. "I love you, James," I blurted out.

He smiled, glancing over his shoulder. "And I love you, Lily," he whispered.

"It's the small moments like this one where I can't imagine my life without you," I spoke softly.

His eyebrow arched in amusement. "Were you ever planning on living your life without me?"

My heart skipped a beat. "No," I said hesitantly.

He stiffened, probably sensing my hesitance. He sighed. "But?"

"No but," I argued almost immediately.

James walked over to me to kiss me on top of my head. "I know you, Lils," he whispered. "I know there's a but."

I frowned. "It's...it's not a but. It's just..."

As he wandered back over to the stove, his eyes remained fixed on me. "Just what, Lily?"

I should have just let it go, taking that moment for what it was. I should have just ignored the questions swarming in my head. I should have just wanted to be with James no matter the circumstances.

But I didn't do any of that. Maybe if I had, that night would have turned out differently.

I felt my heart start to speed up as I asked the one question that had been on my mind for over three years. "Why did you ask me to marry you three and a half years ago?"

He froze, his eyes filling with anxiety. He slowly tore his eyes off of me as he turned back towards the burners. He didn't respond immediately, putting his focus into stirring the sauce. Eventually, he cleared his throat. "I…I'm not sure what answer you're looking for."

I shrugged awkwardly. "The honest one."

"Why do you want to know?"

I don't know. "I think it's a legitimate question," I argued, sipping my wine hastily. If I was going to have this conversation, I was going to have a slight buzz.

He stalled by tasting the sauce. He frowned as he finally turned off the burners. "I've been wondering when you were going to bring that up again."

This didn't sound promising. "You were?"

He sighed, turning around to face me, fear written across his forehead. "You...you want honesty?"

"I already said I did."

He nodded, turning his back to me once again as he plated our dinner. As he handed me a plate, he sighed. "Honestly, you might not like the truth," he murmured as he sat across from me at the table.

"I know."

He locked eyes with me, frowning. We both remained silent for quite some time. It was obvious he was trying to form words that wouldn't completely disappoint me. And I was just trying to prepare myself for the words that probably would.

"I was young and impulsive, Lily," he said slowly. "It was right after we graduated from Hogwarts and I-I just wanted everything to stay the same. Hogwarts was something of our past, Riley was planning on moving away, and who knew what the future held for the rest of us. I-I didn't want to have to deal with any big changes and that had included you. I...I guess I just wanted to believe that it was possible to make our own choices."

I wasn't sure how I felt about the idea of him blaming his proposal on his age, impulses, and fear. "As opposed to?"

"Life making our choices for us," he responded almost immediately.

I had a feeling he's thought about this a lot. I let my eyes linger on the pasta in front of me and took a quick bite as I attempted to form my answer. "So..." I said slowly, "You're blaming life on the fact that you haven't brought up the prospect of marriage again in three and a half years?"

He winced, not meeting my gaze. He buried himself in his dinner to avoid looking at me.

I didn't let up, however. "Three and a half years ago, you _chose _to propose and three and a half years later, you're letting life…what, change your mind? What exactly about your life has made you decide you can't possibly propose to me again?" I know I sounded whiny but I was just trying so desperately to understand what was running through James' mind. I prided myself on always knowing what James was thinking and feeling. And I hated not knowing what he was thinking right now.

He met my gaze and I saw a flicker of regret in his eyes that scared me. "After everything that I've...that _we've _witnessed, Lily," he said slowly. "After all of the failed relationships and failed marriages and failed engagements whether by choice or...or by death. After everything we've seen, you still believe in the institution of marriage?"

"I have to believe it," I said firmly.

"Why?"

"Because we're in the middle of dangerous war, James," I said immediately, swallowing hard. I don't know why I felt a sudden overwhelming rush of fear wash over me, but I couldn't figure out if it was because of the topic of war or because I was afraid that James was slipping away from me. "So when we talk about the rest of our lives, it-" I stopped short, the words catching in my throat. I swallowed the lump forming and said softly, "It could be a shorter period of time than either one of us really want to imagine."

His eyes gazed up at me with shock. I don't think he expected me to be so grim. "Don't say that," he pleaded in a hoarse whisper. "I-I can't even think about that, Lily."

"I know," I said, shrugging guiltily. Hell, I didn't want to think about it either. But sometimes, I had to. "But...but I also know the feeling of not having as much time as you think to spend with your loved ones. And it's not a good feeling."

He blinked knowingly. "Your parents," he murmured.

I stared down at my plate and nodded. "Their marriage was short-lived, James, but...but they were happier than two people could be. They really loved each other and...and I want that someday."

"Why can't we promise to be with each other forever without the fancy party or the walk down the aisle or the I do's?"

"It's not just a fancy party, James," I murmured. How was this night going so wrong? "It's a lifetime commitment to each other with our closest friends and family as witnesses. It's a celebration of our future and a promise that we're going to love each other forever. It's the beginning of _our _family."

He bit down on his bottom lip, letting his gaze tear away from mine to the untouched spaghetti in front of him. "Why do you need that so badly?"

I was surprised to feel the hot tears rushed to my eyes. "Because I want to be a part of a family, James," I whispered, feeling slightly shameful. "It's been almost fourteen years since I lost my family. I don't want to go another fourteen years wondering exactly where I fit in."

James frowned. I could tell he was getting frustrated. But then again, so was I. "If you don't know by now that I already think of you as family, then-"

"I'm not saying you don't," I interrupted. "But you also have your mother and your sister and your brother. Me? I just have you."

"You'll always have me," he said softly.

"Will I?" I whispered.

He blinked, desperation seeping from his eyes. "Of course you will," he whispered back. "No matter what happens between us, I will _always _be there for you."

I knew he meant it and I truly believed it. But... "Maybe I want more than that," I spoke softly, swallowing hard. "I haven't exactly had a normal life. Anything but actually. I haven't had the normal family or the normal living arrangements and being a witch isn't exactly normal either. And I've always felt that a part of me has been missing out on things. So maybe...maybe for _once _in my life it should be my turn to be normal. I watched your sister and Drew together on their wedding day and I see the way Caleb and Shannon will love each other forever and I notice how happy Kay and Lance are during their wedding planning process and-"

"Yeah, and what about Remus? Or Sirius? Or my parents?" he shot back.

I hesitated curiously. "Is that what you're so afraid of? Rejection? Failure? Getting hurt?"

He didn't respond but his lips tightened. I wondered if I had just hit the nail on the head, but he clearly wasn't going to admit it. The way his eyebrows knitted together told me, however, that it was more than just fear of rejection or getting hurt. There was something really bothering him in reference to marriage. Why couldn't he just tell me?

I sighed, running my fingers through my tangled hair. "I know that I'm probably being unreasonable, James, and it's not-"

"No, I realize that I'm probably being slightly unreasonable, too," he murmured, shaking his head. His expression softened. "We've been together for almost four years. Inevitably, the next step should be marriage. I'm just..." he trailed off.

I swallowed hard. "Not ready for life to lead you that way?" I muttered, recalling his earlier words.

He nodded slowly and didn't respond immediately. He looked at me, his eyes filled with such wonder and concern. I guarantee my eyes shared the same emotions.

"Lily," he whispered, swallowing hard. I could see his palms beginning to sweat and his brow furrow instinctively. "I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for life to lead me that way. But just because I-I don't know if I ever want to get married doesn't change the fact that I want to love you forever and spend the rest of my life with you."

There it was. The words I didn't want to hear. The confirmed words that he never wanted to marry me.

My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met, both in a whirlwind of emotions. I knew that a part of me was being childish and silly and I probably sounded slightly disconcerning and pathetic. But the title meant something to me. I wanted to live as a Potter and I wanted to die as one. I wanted the two of us to stand up in front of his family and our friends and unite ourselves as one. Does this sound lame? Yeah, probably. But I loved James. And I wanted to promise to be with him for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part. And if that made me sound childish and pathetic, then so be it. I was okay with being childish and pathetic as long as I could marry the love of my life.

Silence filled the room. When I glanced up at James, there was fear in his eyes. I just didn't know if it was fear of losing me or fear of marrying me. "So in the past three and a half years were you ever going to tell me that never wanted to get married?" I asked curiously, a slight bitterness spewing from my words.

He frowned. "Were you ever going to tell me you wanted to get married?" he retaliated.

I glared at him. "I'm pretty sure three and a half years ago _when you asked me_ I told you I wanted to marry you."

"Yeah, in the _future_," he muttered. "But things have changed."

I turned away from his pleading gaze, suddenly surprised by the tears that were threatening to form. "Maybe you did. But I didn't," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Lily," he whispered. That was all he said. It was clear it was all he could say. He had nothing left inside of him.

Unfortunately, I did. "James," I whispered back. "I'm not saying I need to get married today or tomorrow. I'm not saying I ever expected that. But I did expect you to one day get down on one knee and propose to me. I've been expecting it since you spontaneously proposed to me three and a half years ago."

He was looking at me with desperation and pleading.

I sighed. "I meant it when I said I wanted to marry you one day, James. Clearly you didn't."

He stiffened. "I meant it when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, Lily. That hasn't changed."

I frowned. "Yeah, the rest of _your _life. But you don't want it to be our life."

He blinked, taken aback. "That's not fair. I love you and you know it. I just-"

"Don't love me enough to marry me?" I muttered.

I wasn't surprised when I was on the other end of his frustrated glare. "Me not wanting to get married is not about you, Lily. It's about me. But I'd hope you know that if I _did _want to get married, it would be to you because hell, I love you more than words can even describe, Lily," he grunted. He pushed his chair back and stood up abruptly. "And I don't appreciate you insinuating that my loving you isn't enough for you. If that's really the way you feel, then what the hell are we even doing together?"

"If you never want to marry me, then that's a damned good question," I shot back.

He bit down on the bottom of his lip, running his fingers through his hair. He slowly sat back down with a defeated sigh. "Do we need to decide this right now?" he dared to ask.

My instinct was to say no, shake my head, and pretend as if the conversation never took place. I loved him and that should have been enough, but both my head and my heart were screaming. I was stuck. _We _were stuck. And I wasn't so sure we'd be able to unstick ourselves without either one of us compromising our beliefs. And I wasn't sure I knew how to do that. "It sounds like you already made a decision, James," I whispered.

He swallowed hard, blinking furiously. "Sounds like you have, too," he pointed out.

For a second, neither of us moved nor spoke. We just stared at each other with bewilderment and concern. I wondered why I was so determined to marry him and I wondered why he was so determined _not _to marry me. And no matter how hard I tried pretending as if we could continue on in our relationship without actively defining it, it was out there. I couldn't ignore that we were at a standstill. Neither one of us was planning on backing down or changing our beliefs, that much was obvious. But what did that mean for us?

He turned away from my gaze, frowning. He asked the question I was too afraid of asking. "Where exactly does this leaves us, Lily?"

My heart skipped a beat, not sure what he wanted me to say. So I said the only thing that made sense to me. "I hope you know how much I love you, James."

We locked eyes and I saw such anguish staring back at me. "I love you, too. So much," he whispered. "Why can't that be enough?"

I tried desperately to blink away the tears that were forming rapidly in my eyelids. "It should be," I choked out, not daring to look at him. "But it's not."

There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes. "Lily-"

"Maybe you should just go, James," I whispered, ignoring the trembling of my bottom lip.

The surprise grew in his eyes. It was obvious he thought the worst idea for the both of us was to have him leave. But at that moment, I needed to clear my head. I needed to figure out what it is I wanted and what it is I needed. And I needed to do that without James.

Eventually, he spoke. "Is that really what you want?"

I frowned, meeting his gaze. "You know what I want," I spoke softly.

He frowned. "And you know what I want," he spat out in a hurt whisper.

"Or what you don't want," I blurted out.

He blinked, remaining silent for quite some time before slowly standing up from his chair. He cleared his throat before whispering, "You're right."

I glanced up at him, confused.

"Maybe I should go."

My heart sank. I didn't argue. I needed to figure out what was most important to me and for the first time in four years, I needed to do it without James.

I could tell he was hurt that I didn't try to stop him and before I could even register what was happening, he was suddenly whisking out of the kitchen. Seconds later, I heard the front door slam.

And that's when I wondered if I just let the best thing happen to me slip away.

I didn't know what any of this meant. We were both confused and conflicted, for sure. But what did that mean for us? I loved James more than anything and I knew he felt the same. And I wanted that so desperately to be enough. But I couldn't ignore that something was bothering James. I knew that it probably had little to do with me but it was affecting me. It was hurting me. And it was hurting us.

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. And then another. Before I knew it, I was sobbing in the middle of my kitchen. I might lose James, but I was more afraid of him losing himself at this moment. I wanted to know what was running through his head. I _needed _to know. Because even though I had given him numerous reasons why I thought marriage was an important step in our relationship, he never one explained why he thought the opposite. He argued and he disputed and he made it evident he didn't want to get married, but not once did he say _why_. And it was that hesitance that most concerned me.

* * *

**++REMUS++  
**

Sirius and I were doing what we so often did when we had nothing better to do: drinking beer and playing endless games of Exploding Snap. We upped the ante every time we played and I swear that one of these days we were going to blast off the hair on our head. Hm, however, Sirius' hair _was_ getting long…

The front door slammed open and we both jumped. Sirius cursed and ducked as the cards exploded inches away from his face. "Man, this game is thrilling," he teased as he began to collect the cards for another round.

James sauntered into the living room and the first thing I noticed was his lack of shirt. "New fashion trend, Prongs?"

"Hm?"

"You're half-naked."

He glanced down. "Oh," he murmured. "Lily has my shirt."

I furrowed my brow, sensing despair in his voice. "You okay?"

"Yep," he lied. "I'm heading upstairs. Enjoy blowing yourselves up."

"I thought you were staying the night at Lily's," Sirius commented.

James hesitated, frowning. "I changed my mind," he murmured. Another lie. I wondered if Lily changed his mind for him.

He ventured out of the room and Sirius dealt the respective cards to us. Sirius played a card of Paracelsus. As I glanced down at my cards, I said, "Something's up with him."

"Yep."

"He's not going to tell us what's bothering him."

"Nope."

"Duck," I said as I played my own card of Paracelsus.

We both obliged as the cards exploded.

* * *

**A/N: **Long chapter! Lots happening! People are being attacked, some are dying, others are lovey-dovey, and relationships are being put to the test. Okay, one relationship. But considering it's an L/J fanfic, it's a pretty big relationship to have being put to the test. We all know where Lily stands and why, but alas, James is just being a little non-forthcoming (I'm pretending that's a word). Hopefully, we'll all be able to figure out why soon. And with that said, please tell me your thoughts!


	5. Of Inflatable Dolls, Lattes, & Karaoke

**A/N: **I appreciate all of the great reviews! We're finally starting to get into some of the knitty-gritty details of each of these characters, specifically Lily and James. More to come on them in this chapter. And then some! So why bother reading this when you can just read the chapter? Onward!

**Disclaimer: **Oh do I love J.K. Rowling. Sadly, I am not her.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 5: Of Inflatable Dolls, Lattes, & Karaoke

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I couldn't sleep at all. I found myself tossing and turning, wondering why I was so set against marriage. It wasn't Lily I was set against, it was the whole situation. But I didn't know how to explain it without feeling that usual sort of panic I did when I thought of the future. I'm done dealing with any change. Because every single time change has been thrown my way, it has always bad. And maybe I'm being a tad cynical and paranoid, but things were finally going well and for once, I just wanted to keep it that way.

As I sauntered into the Auror department with an extra large latte in my hand that Monday morning, barely muttering a hello to Janine who looked slightly disappointed at that, I couldn't help but continually replay the conversation from the night before over and over in my head, increasingly becoming frustrated with both our arguments. It was difficult for me to look Lily in the eyes and tell her that marriage probably wasn't in the cards for me. I wanted so badly to please her, but I had to protect myself first. And the idea of bringing Lily into my crazy, hectic, dangerous world scared the hell out of me. I had already lost too much. The idea of drawing closer to her and potentially losing her was too overwhelming to even think about.

"Hey, James!"

I glared at Alice. "Do me a favor and try to be less cheerful, will ya?"

She quirked an eyebrow as I eased into my chair with a groan, taking a sip of the latte in my hand. "Not a fan of Monday mornings, are you?"

"Not this Monday morning," I grumbled.

"Dare I ask why?"

I sighed, leaning back in my chair. "No reason," I muttered, not wanting to get into it.

"Well I call bullshit on that," she snorted, leaning up against my cubicle walls. "Is it because the newbie will be here today?"

I groaned, forgetting that the French Auror Sydny Lafevre's first day was that day. Of all days. "Damn, I forgot about that," I grumbled.

"How the hell could you forget about that?" Alice asked, curiously. "It's Slaughterhouse Syd for Merlin's sake."

I sighed. "Yeah, well, I'm a bit distracted right now," I murmured. Before she could ask why, I blurted out, "Lily and I got into a fight last night."

Alice offered me a sympathetic smile. "Well, we all have our share of fights. Whose fault was this one?" she joked.

I frowned. In all honesty, I didn't know how to answer that question. She was the one that had brought up the proposal from three years ago, but I was the one who turned it into a dispute. "I don't know," I said honestly. "We're both to blame I guess."

She cocked her head to the side. "Well, why don't you just do what all men do?"

I groaned. "Do I dare ask what that is?"

"Pretend to stew for a couple of days and then go crawling back to the girl after withdrawal of sex apologizing for whatever it is you may or may not have done."

I scowled. "Not all men do that!"

She snorted. "You guys always forget how stubborn we can be. Withholding sex is how we get what we want."

I rolled my eyes. "I'd like to think we're a little more complex than that."

"You're not."

"Not only am I in a fight with Lily, but I'm about to be in a fight with you," I scoffed, a hint of a smile on my face.

She laughed. "Sorry, but I speak the truth," she said with a shrug. "So my advice is to just apologize."

I frowned. "It's not exactly something I can apologize for," I admitted with a sigh.

She looked intrigued as she leaned against the edge of my desk, stealing another sip of my latte. I tore it out of her hands, giving her a look. She rolled her eyes and said, "What do you mean you can't apologize?"

I didn't know if I wanted to get into it, but I also knew that Alice wouldn't leave me alone until I informed her of the argument. She had a knack of getting to the bottom of things and feeling the need to resolve disputes. Most of the arguments settled between Lily and myself occurred because of unsolicited (and sometimes solicited) advice from Alice. "Lily wants to get married."

Alice hesitated, narrowing her eyes curiously. "You mean the girl that you've been dating for nearly four years and are madly in love with wants to, gasp, _marry you_? How ludicrous."

I rolled my eyes. "Your sarcasm is unwelcome."

She chuckled. "Pray tell, how did this result in an argument?"

I turned my gaze away from her prying eyes and reached for my latte as more of a stalling technique than anything else. "I like things the way they are," I muttered. "Why does anything have to change?"

Confusion passed over her eyes for a brief second before she groaned, smacking the palm of her hand against her forehead. "Please tell me you didn't inform the girl who is head-over-heels in love with you that you didn't want to get married."

I pursed my lips, remaining silent.

The next thing I knew, she was smacking me.

"OW!"

"You don't tell the girl you've been dating for four years you don't want to marry her, James!"

"I didn't tell her I didn't want to marry _her_. I said I didn't want to marry. Period, end of sentence."

She shook her head, rubbing her temples. "You do realize that to her, they mean the same thing, right?"

I rolled my eyes, pursing my lips. "Why is marriage such a big deal anyway?" I grumbled, slumping down in my chair. "It's just…just a piece of paper."

Okay, that time I wasn't entirely surprised when she smacked me in the back of the head.

"It is more than a piece of paper, Potter, and you know it," she accused, glaring at me. "That piece of paper is a symbol of love and commitment."

"Both of which Lily and I already have," I pointed out.

She rolled her eyes, clearly aggravated. "It's an understanding that the union is more important than the individual parts, James. It's an understanding of each other as one entity. It's an understanding of the vows you take to honor and cherish each other through all of the good _and the bad _that might be thrown your way. It's more than just a piece of paper, James. It's even more than love. It's devotion."

I could feel myself getting increasingly anxious and impatient, for reasons I couldn't necessarily name. My heart had skipped a beat at the emphasis of 'and the bad' and I wondered if Alice could see the fear that I was feeling. "Wow, nice speech. How long have you been rehearsing that?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Well, I can definitely see why you two argued," she said wryly. "But while your dry humor and sarcasm may have fooled her, I'm not buying it."

"There's nothing to buy, Fisher," I muttered. "I'm simply hoping you'll take the hint and drop this subject altogether."

She frowned, her eyes bearing a hole through my skull as I attempted to sift through the folders on my desk. She eventually stood up off my desk, her lips pursed hesitantly. "Look, James, I can't tell you what to do. Mostly because I don't know what's going through your head and I certainly don't know what's going through her head. But if you're just putting up this wall because the future scares the hell out of you, welcome to my world. Welcome to _all _of our worlds," she said scathingly, gesturing to the entire Auror office. "It is really difficult planning for the future when we sure as hell know that the future might not even exist for very long. We've seen Aurors disappear and we've seen Aurors die. But you can't protect Lily from our world by not marrying her. I hate to break it to you, but she's already in our world. Because she's in _your _world. And that won't change if you just remain a couple _or _if you get married. So honestly, I'm not sure what's holding you back nor am I going to attempt to speculate, but personally, I think you're being an idiot."

I had no idea what to say. Mostly because a part of me knew I was being an idiot. I just didn't know how to stop being an idiot because I didn't know how to stop panicking. It was easier pretending I could control our futures if we didn't get tied down with each other. And I certainly didn't like thinking that she was already in my world because the whole idea of keeping a distance from her was to keep her away from the dangers that presented with myself as an Auror. She didn't deserve to worry. I worried enough for the both of us.

"I have to get down to the court rooms," Alice said, breaking me from my thoughts. "But think about it, James."

I sighed. Of course I would think about it. It was all that was on my mind.

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

New girl here. Let me just say right off the bat that you probably don't want to get to know me. I have baggage. A lot of it. And I won't share it. I'm merely here to do the job I was assigned to do and keep my hands clean as much as I possibly could.

Famous last words? Merlin, I hope not.

I had no idea what to expect from my move to the British offices from France. A part of me was excited, but another part of me was nervous. The mission that I was on was a difficult, nerve-wracking one and I just hoped I could make Dumbledore and Moody proud.

I was already in awe. Not only was the Auror department three times the size of the French Auror department, but the French Ministry building had no comparison to the British Ministry. You could probably fit the entire French operations in the atrium of the British Ministry. While I had stood out at the French office (seeing as we only had ten of us in total there and there are at least thirty Aurors if not more at the British offices), I had a feeling that I would be blending in more. Which might just be a blessing in disguise.

I was supposed to be meeting Alastor Moody at one o'clock but the petite girl in the lobby (Janet? Janice? I have no idea what her name is—I'm horrible with names) told me that both he and the Head Auror, Rufus Scrimgeour, had gotten called away earlier on official Ministry business down in the court rooms. She had sent me back to James Potter's shared cubicle since I knew it would be where I would be eventually occupying. The offices looked fairly empty and I wondered what emergency was taking place in the courtrooms. My curiosity always got me into trouble, however, and I chose not to harp on it.

One could only twirl around in a desk chair for so long before needing to find something else to entertain them. I noticed a stack of crime reports on the corner of the desk and was instantly curious. I wondered if their procedures were different than the French Auror procedures. The recent attack on the States was on top so I couldn't help myself as I perused through it. I glanced up to see if anyone was around before opening it. The file was filled with a bunch of background checks, crime reports, witness statements, and photos. I picked up one of the photos of the massacre, a frown spreading across my face.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped, throwing the photo back down on to the pile, and glanced up to greet a very stony look. "Sorry, I was just-"

"Reading something that isn't any of your business?" he snorted.

I hesitated. Seeing as I was now an employee in the British Auror department, he was wrong. "Well, that's technically not true," I started. "I'm-"

"Being overly nosy?"

"Uh, _no_," I argued hastily. "I was just-"

"So you're saying it's alright to go through someone else's things?"

Okay, I was getting annoyed with this guy. Who did he think he was? "You saying it's alright to interrupt me when I'm trying to explain myself?" I retaliated immediately, narrowing my eyes.

That got his attention. "Well, you're certainly an aggressive one," he snorted. "Who the hell are you?"

"Who the hell are _you_?"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "I happen to be the guy whose seat you're sitting in and whose work you shouldn't be looking at," he snapped.

My heart skipped a beat and my look softened immediately. "You're...you're James Potter?"

He gazed at me, his eyes filled with scrutiny. "How did you know that?"

A distant memory suddenly flashed through my mind and I swallowed hard. "You look so much like your brother."

I could tell he was getting increasingly irritated with my evasiveness. "Grant?" he said in surprise.

I had no idea who Grant was. I could only guess James had another brother. "No. Wyatt."

He froze. I could tell I said something not only unexpected, but something shocking. It was only then that I remembered how long it must have been since Wyatt had been in touch with his family.

"How...how do you know Wyatt?" James asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He slowly grabbed hold of his desk to balance himself.

Oh, shit. I should have kept my mouth shut. So far, I was not doing a good job at blending in. "I...I used to work with him," I said vaguely.

"When? On what?" he asked quickly, his voice full of concern.

Truth be told, I technically still worked with him even though I hadn't seen him since the beginning of our mission. I calculated in my head. "Er…seven or eight years ago?" I murmured.

"Oh. After he left." James took a deep breath in, exhaling softly. "On what?"

I could tell he was desperate for some sort of answers. "It was a long time ago," I said evasively. I thought it was time to change the subject. "Sorry to barge in like this but neither Scrimgeour nor Moody were around."

"You still have yet to tell me who the hell you are," James pointed out irritably.

Before I could respond, a deep voice behind us both answered for me. "Ah, so I see you've met the newest member of the team, Potter," Moody said. "And the person who will be occupying your cubicle with you for the time-being."

A dark cloud spread across James' face. It was clear he wasn't looking forward to working with me. "You're Slaughterhouse Syd?" James responded dryly, giving me a once-over. I knew exactly what he was thinking. I was a very petite blonde-haired woman who looked like she should have gone down the route of runway modeling. I didn't look like a typical Auror. It's what everyone thought of me when they found out who I was.

My eyes narrowed quickly. I'm not sure who had donned that nickname first, but it wasn't one I liked to brag about. "I prefer Sydny," I drawled coolly.

"I prefer Lafevre," James responded.

"Gee, nice to meet you, too," I snorted, rolling my eyes. I couldn't tell if I was going to like working with James or not. He was definitely one surly son of a bitch, but that could just make one damn good Auror. From what Moody told me, he was one of the most promising newer Aurors so a part of me was intrigued. I just hoped he never found out the real reason I was there or he may pull his wand out on me.

Moody quirked an eyebrow, glancing back and forth between us. "Hm, I get the feeling I may have missed something."

"I was simply pointing out to Miss Lafevre here that she's sitting at the wrong desk," James drawled, giving me what I could only assume was an icy glare. But there was a softness lurking beneath that made me realize he was still thinking about Wyatt. I almost felt guilty for bringing him up. Almost.

Moody shook his head, clearly not willing to deal with the childish argument that was about to ensue. If Moody wasn't there, I would have propped my feet up on his desk and leaned back in his chair. But seeing as Moody was my superior, I slowly climbed out of James' chair and moved to the chair opposite him. I didn't bother apologizing, however.

"So, am I assuming that you don't want to be the welcoming committee, James?" Moody joked, flashing him a smile.

James quirked a single eyebrow, a look of distaste on his face. "Alice is a much better tour guide than I am."

Moody laughed and turned to glance at me. "Alice is in court room 3 right now, but she should be back up in a few minutes time. She can help you get settled."

"Is she as friendly as this guy is?" I snorted.

James shot me a look. "Oh, she's just peachy," he drawled sarcastically. "You'll get along swimmingly. She'll have you throwing slumber parties with her in no time."

"Oh, stop being crass, Potter," Moody chuckled.

James rolled his eyes and turned his back on me, returning to the pile of paperwork I had left on his desk.

"For now, Sydny, why don't I go ahead and at least introduce you to who's in the office?"

Anything to get away from Mr. Cranky Pants. "Sure," I agreed.

The introductions didn't take long. A lot of the Aurors were either in training, in the weight room facilities, or down in the court rooms dealing with what I learned was some recent arrests of potential Death Eaters in Central America.

By the time I got back to my cubicle, I could still see the scowl resting on James' face. But considering we'd be working together, I thought it might be best to attempt to make things work between us.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot, James," I said awkwardly.

"Oh? And what gave you that idea?" he snorted, not bothering to turn around and face me. "The fact that you were going through my stuff and I caught you? Or the fact that you somehow knew my brother seven or eight years ago but successfully avoided talking about it? Yeah, don't think I didn't notice the subject change."

I had absolutely no clue what I had done to earn such a cold shoulder from James Potter, but I was officially done trying to appease him. "And don't think I didn't notice your rudeness, Potter," I snapped. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

He glanced over his shoulder long enough to throw me a glare. "Wow, do you talk to everyone you just met that way?"

"HAH! Look who's talking."

"Well, I can see that you two won't be getting along anytime soon," a female voice drawled from behind me. She smiled at me and extended her hand. "You must be Sydny."

I shook her hand. "Would I be assuming correctly if I said you were Alice?"

"Assume away," she said before glancing over at James. "You taking your frustration with your girlfriend out on the new girl, Potter?"

James scowled. "No need to get Lafevre involved in my personal business."

"Don't worry, I'm still focused on the part where you actually have a girlfriend," I drawled, quirking an eyebrow. "Is she inflatable? Are you frustrated because she sprung a leak?"

Alice couldn't help but laugh as James whirled around in his chair to glare at me. "Don't pretend you know me."

"Oh, don't worry, you're not worth my time," I smirked. "Shall we commence the tour, Alice?"

I was glad when James simply accepted the brush-off. I had no idea what his problem was but I didn't really care enough to find out. I could still do the job I was given without liking James Potter.

* * *

**++CALEB++**

At first, I had become an Auror because it was what both Gran and my mother wanted for me. And after Rafe had dropped out of Auror recruitment training only six months into the program quickly realizing he wasn't meant to be an Auror, I thought it fell upon me to satisfy the family matriarchs. I had learned that sometimes it was just better to give into their crazy antics than to question them. But as it turned out, it thrilled me being an Auror. For the first time in my life, I felt as if I was actually doing some good in the world.

Moody had caught me as I was traipsing off the elevator mentioning a tip of suspicious Dark activity near the outskirts of Hogsmeade. He bid me to visit the site immediately and bring someone along. Considering most of the Aurors were in the court rooms, there weren't many to choose from. "James!" I cried out, peeking my head over his cubicle. "Moody needs us out in Hogsmeade. Suspicious activity was reported by Aberforth. Strange lights coming from the caves and Aberforth thinks he may have seen Mickey Mulciber and Serpus Avery fleeing."

James was out of his chair in a heartbeat. That was when I first noticed the blonde sitting across from him. "Er…hey," I said as James reached for his robes.

She nodded at me. "Sydny."

"Ah, so you're Slaughterhouse."

She sighed. "I'm never getting rid of that name, am I?" she muttered.

I chuckled but before I could retort, James was grabbing my arm. "Hello? Possible Death Eater activity going on? Can we save this idle chitchat until later?"

Hm, not sure what that was about, but I quickly led us towards the elevators. Once we were outdoors and a safe distance away from the Ministry building, we apparated to the perimeter of Hogsmeade, right below the caves. We both pulled out our wands, uncertain what we were going to find there.

"So not a fan of the new girl, hm?" I muttered as we sauntered up the beaten pathway of stones.

He frowned, choosing to not reply.

"That bad?" I winced.

He met my gaze, pushing a stray branch out of our way. "She said she knew Wyatt."

I froze, my face slowly paling. "As in…your brother?"

He offered a curt nod.

I tried recalling the last time anyone had mentioned Wyatt Potter. I came up blank. "How…I mean…when…why…_what_?"

"Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction."

"I-I haven't heard that name in years," I whispered.

"Nor have I. So you can imagine my surprise when she mentioned him," he muttered, his gaze falling upon collapsed rock beside him. "This pile of rocks is recent."

A nod followed from me, recognizing the dust that had fallen below the rocks. "Footprints," I muttered, nodding towards footprints in the mud to the right.

I met James' gaze and knew that whatever it is we were going to find in the caves, it probably wasn't going to pretty.

I was right.

"Bloody hell," I swore, my hand immediately going to my mouth in horror as I glanced down at the mutilated body in front of me. It was hard to tell what the gender was based on the matted blood all over the face. One swollen eye stared up at us, bones sticking out in every which direction. The robes were torn and the body lay there half-naked. I was about ask if James knew who it may be but I noted the ashen look on his face and had a feeling I already knew the answer to that question.

"That's…that's Wynona Wilkes," James said in a hushed tone, his voice hoarse with trepidation.

I furrowed my brow. "Who?"

"I went to school with her," he said, shuddering as he quickly looked away from the mangled body. I didn't blame him. She didn't look human. Slash marks framed her body, blood poured from her face, and her neck was bright red, a pretty good sign of the Choking Curse. "She was a Slytherin."

"Well, that explains it," I muttered.

He shook his head. "No, she wasn't like them. She kept to herself for the most part, not wanting to be associated with her housemates. I don't think she was a Death Eater."

I frowned. Why was she chosen to be so horribly maimed? What could she have done to possibly deserve such torture? She wasn't just murdered, she was practically dismembered. "C'mon, let's get to Aberforth. We need to ask him a few questions," I muttered.

"We're just going to leave her here?" James asked desperately.

"We'll get word to Moody. He'll send someone to collect the body."

James didn't look like he wanted to leave her, but eventually he turned away and led us out of the cave. We walked in silence. I couldn't imagine what James was musing about, but he looked so disheartened. I was starting to wonder if being an Auror was really taking a toll on him. "Hey, you said Wilkes, right?" I questioned as we headed into Hogsmeade.

He nodded.

I frowned. "Was she the daughter of Ramona and Dannon Wilkes?"

He shrugged. "I can't be sure. Why?"

"They were murdered just last month," I said. "Remember? The Dark Mark was found over their home."

James' eyes narrowed curiously. "Yeah, I do remember that," he said softly. "What do you think Voldemort wanted from them?"

I didn't respond. I didn't have a response. I stopped wondering what Voldemort's thought process was a long time ago.

"Do you think he wanted them all to join his ranks?"

Once again, I remained silent, but I had a feeling James just hit the nail on the head.

We walked the rest of the way into Hogsmeade in silence. I couldn't tell you what James was thinking but I sure as hell was just trying to rid that horrible image of the mangled girl out of my mind. "James? How did Sydny know Wyatt?"

He shook his head, seemingly unperturbed by the change of subject from the Wilkes. "I don't know. She didn't tell me. She just said she knew him right around the time he disappeared."

I opened my mouth to ask the question I was so very much curious about, but I quickly shut it.

"What?" he sighed, recognizing my hesitance.

I glanced at James, biting down on the inside of my lip curiously. "Do you think Wyatt is still alive?"

He frowned, shrugging very abruptly. "At this point, I have far more people I need to worry about," he muttered.

I wasn't surprised that he avoided the question. He had always been a pro at avoiding any sort of emotion that showed the slightest bit of vulnerability.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

By the time Caleb and I got back to the office, we were so worn out and both feeling a bit down. Okay, a lot down. I hadn't known Wynona Wilkes well but it didn't matter. Knowing that an innocent bystander had been tortured endlessly for God knows how long was enough to make me want to go find the bastards who did it and kill them in cold blood. I don't normally agree with fighting murderers with murder. I used to be all about justice. But what good was believing in justice when it was obvious that justice was never going to be served?

I dropped into my desk chair with a sigh, dropping the crime report form on to my desk haphazardly. As I glanced down at it, I had the sickening realization that what I was going to write about Wynona Wilkes might very well be the last thing ever written about the poor girl.

"Bad day?"

I stiffened. The last thing I wanted to deal with was some interrogative girl I barely knew but already disliked. "You could say that," I muttered.

"Something happen in the Hogsmeade caves?"

I pursed my lips. "You could say that," I repeated coolly.

"Gee, are you always this articulate," she murmured.

I whirled my chair around. "I've had a very long day, Lafevre, and the last thing I need is the third degree from some girl I don't know."

Irritation flickered in her eye. "Merlin, you really are one surly son-of-a-bitch, aren't you?"

"You don't know me, Lafevre," I snarled.

"I know that it's pretty obvious you had a rough day. Rough couple of days, perhaps?" she mused with an arched eyebrow. "And all I was trying to do was lend you my ear. Clearly that is the last time I will be doing that."

I cringed, feeling slightly guilty for jumping down her throat. "I like to stew in silence," I muttered.

"That sounds healthy."

"You know what isn't healthy? Being judgmental," I snapped.

"Neither is jumping down an innocent person's throat."

"Hah! Nowadays no one is innocent," I blurted out, the mental image of Wynona Wilkes' mutilated body flashing through my mind.

She didn't respond immediately and I took that as a good sign, pulling out my quill and starting to run thought the account of what I witnessed in the crime report paperwork.

"What did you mean by that? That no one is innocent?"

I groaned, knowing it was too good to be true. "Nothing," I muttered. "Can I just get back to work?"

She sighed. "You're referring to the war, aren't you?"

"On top of being interrogative and judgmental, you're apparently perceptive, too."

"And on top of being surly and very cynical, you're apparently annoyingly sarcastic, too."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, Lafevre, your chatter is cutting into my paperwork."

She let out an exasperated grunt but thankfully kept her mouth shut.

It didn't change anything, though. I still couldn't get Wynona Wilkes out of my head.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

That night, Remus and I were watching the top 50 Quidditch plays in the last century on WiziSports when James came sauntering in, plopping on to one of the lounge chairs with a groan.

Remus offered him a beer and he shook his head. "Need something stronger."

I snickered and went into our liquor cabinet. "I'm with you, Prongs," I said as I pulled out a bottle of Ogdens'. I poured two glasses and glanced over at Remus. "You want some?"

He held up the beer in his hand. "Nah. I'm fine with beer."

I clinked James' glass and settled back into the couch. "Why the need for a strong drink, James?"

James made a face, downing the whiskey in one gulp. "It's a twofold. One, Caleb and I found tortured Wynona Wilkes' body up in the Hogsmeade caves."

"Aw, jeez," Remus muttered. While we were never close with the girl, I knew that out of all of those damned Slytherins, she'd at least be one who could move on after Hogwarts with a few morals under her belt.

"Yeah," James muttered.

"Weren't her parents just murdered, too?" Remus spoke.

Damn, that guy seemingly knows everything. I might want to start reading the _Daily Prophet _more.

"Yeah," James said.

"Do we know why?"

He shook his head, holding out his glass for more whiskey, which I graciously poured for him. "What's the second part of your bad day?" I asked.

James made a face. "Slaughterhouse Syd started today."

Remus muted the TV and I sat up eagerly. "Ooh, is she hot!?"

"Stay away from her, Padfoot," he responded immediately, shooting me a look.

"All I want to know is if she's hot or not," I argued.

"And if I say yes?"

I hesitated. Damn, he knew me well. "Well, then I guess I will have to find more reasons to visit you at work."

"Stay away from her, Sirius!"

"You do realize that the more you forbid him to go near her, the more he will want her," Remus pointed out.

I nodded. "It's true."

James groaned. "What are you, a child?"

"Yes."

James made a face. "Please, Sirius, just try and focus your sexual energy elsewhere. I'm sure you have a rolodex full of women who can help you with that."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, but this just means we'll have to hit up Blarney's tonight."

"And that's different from every other night how?" Remus snorted before turning his gaze back on James. "So why do you want Sirius to stay away from this girl anyway?"

"Well, one, I work with her and that would be awkward. And two, she's a total bitch."

When he didn't continue, Remus rolled his eyes. "Oh, gee, could you be more vague please?"

James shrugged. "When I was out grabbing lunch with Fabian, she had the audacity to sit at my desk and go through _my _files. And later that afternoon, she had felt the need to inform me that some of my notes were biased and off-based. She then continued to lecture me on how the French Auror department handled all background checks and that their system is more efficient. She talks back to me, she is overly sarcastic, she's constantly questioning my abilities, and she called Lily inflatable!"

Remus and I exchanged a humored look. "I'm sorry, what was that last one?" Remus said, trying hard to contain his laughter with very little success.

James scowled. "The girl is no good! That's all you need to know."

"Y'know, this girl sounds an awful lot like someone else back in the day that you used to complain about," Remus pointed out, a sly smile appearing on his face. "The same someone else you just so happen to have fallen in love with."

James scowled. "I don't like what you're insinuating."

Remus shrugged. "I'm simply pointing out that you seem to like girls who challenge you even if you claim-"

"Lafevre isn't challenging me. She's just downright obnoxious! Don't put her and Lily in the same category. Lily's fiery attitude is sexy. Lafevre's is disturbing."

"She sounds hot to me," I chimed in.

He glared at me. "Stay away from her!"

I grinned. Based off the brief description that James had given to me, I had a feeling the girl had swagger. And I liked swagger. "You take all the fun out of the chase," I murmured.

"There will be no fun because there will be no chase," James argued, shooting me a look. "I'm serious, Padfoot. For once, can't you just listen to me?"

I exchanged a concerned look with Remus. There was a heaviness in James' voice that caught me off-guard a bit. "Okay, what's really going on?" I dared to ask.

"Nothing," he replied a little too quickly. "Maybe I had just started getting used to the idea of having a single cubicle when in walked Slaughter-bitch Syd."

"How long did it take for you to come up with that name?" I joked.

James shot me an irritated look. I knew that something was deeply bothering James, but I also knew that when he got into one of his pissy, discouraged moods, he wasn't about to admit why. I had a feeling it probably had something to do with Lily. It always had something to do with Lily. I wondered what idiotic thing James did this time.

"I have a feeling that you were already in a bad mood before Sydny came on the scene," Remus suggested.

James hesitated, finishing off his second glass of Jack Daniels before responding. "It's nothing. Are we going to Blarney's or not?"

I sighed. Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to spend the next few hours at a bar with someone who was clearly cranky and grumpy, but I didn't have an excuse as to why I wouldn't go. "Yeah, let's go," I murmured, levitating all of our empty glasses down to the kitchen. "Want to invite the girls?"

James shook his head. "No, let's just make it a Guys Night Out."

Yep. Something was definitely up between him and Lily. And based off the curious expression on Remus' face, he had come to that conclusion as well. But I just shrugged and said, "Sure."

* * *

**++JAMES++**

By the time the three of us got home, I was definitely intoxicated and definitely frustrated. I had had a long and exhausting day. A horrible day actually. Every time I see a dead body or I find myself in a duel or an ambush, my mind always immediately went to Lily. Because I just prayed that she never, _ever _would be that dead body I uncover or on the end of a terrifying duel or being forced into an ambush. I didn't know how to not worry about her. She was all I could ever think about. And seeing Wynona Wilkes' dead body today just made me worry more. It was impossible not to.

And if dealing with Wynona's dead body wasn't enough to make it a bad enough day, everything about Sydny Lafevre rubbed me the wrong way. After the discussion with Lily the night before, the last thing I had wanted to deal with was the new girl waltzing in and already pretending as if she was in control. Who the hell did she think was? On even a normal day where I hadn't just had the argument of a lifetime with Lily, I would have hated Sydny Lafevre.

The worst part was that all I really wanted to do in that moment to make myself feel better and to make that day suck just a little less was go crawling into Lily's bed, knowing that the comfort of having her beside me was enough to make me smile. But I couldn't do that. And I had no one else to blame but myself.

I grabbed another beer from our refrigerator (and made a mental note to pick up more) and headed out to the balcony outside my bedroom. It was past midnight, but I knew that I would just toss and turn for a second night in a row if I even attempted to crawl into bed.

I couldn't get Alice's words from that morning out of my head no matter how I tried. I knew that marriage wasn't just a piece of paper and I had only said that in hopes that she would just get off my back, but truth is, I knew that marriage was a sacred union of two individuals, two hearts, and two souls. But maybe that was the problem. Because it seemed as of lately that my soul was lacking.

My routine lately had become exactly that: routine. I went through my every day activities without so much as a second thought. I stopped thinking and overanalyzing and caring and just started doing. Not to say that I didn't love my life and my friends and especially Lily. It was just a hell of a lot easier loving it all when I didn't have to continually agonize over what the next day was going to bring me. Or even just the next minute. Worrying was easy. Loving inevitably wasn't.

First, Brite died and Bianca was left heartbroken. Next, my father left and my mother was left heartbroken. Then, Riley left and Sirius was left heartbroken. After that, JT died and my entire family was left heartbroken. And then Jillian left Remus and he was heartbroken. And I watched as others around me lost family members and loved ones by the hands of Voldemort. I was often stuck picking up the pieces. It was hard not to feel scared when I watched so many other people crumble around me. So maybe a part of me was trying to protect not only Lily from danger but myself from pain. Maybe I was just trying to protect us both from getting hurt.

Which is ironic considering our argument most definitely hurt her.

I don't know why I had neglected to tell Remus and Sirius earlier about the debate that I had had with Lily on Sunday. Probably because I knew what they would say. They would tell me to marry her. Which would be practically amusing coming from them. One, a guy who wouldn't touch marriage with a ten-foot pole. The other, a guy who had his heart crushed on what should have been his wedding day. Then again, maybe I'm the last bit of hope for the Marauders when it comes to a happy ending.

If I ever got that happy ending.

* * *

**++LILY++**

On Monday, I had hoped James would come crawling back to me with an apology. By Tuesday, I had just prayed that he would show up on my doorstep with a mere explanation. And on Wednesday, all I wanted was him. I didn't need the apology and I didn't need the explanation. I just wanted him. And if I didn't have any sort of dignity or willpower, I would have just gone to him, pretending the argument never happened.

Except it did. And I couldn't ignore it.

I always told myself that love was enough to conquer all. That even in the darkest and hardest of times, love would still prevail. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe there was more to commitment and devotion to one another than just love. There _had _to be more. Because in the darkest and hardest of times, you wanted more than just love. You wanted comfort. Security. Support. Honesty and loyalty. You wanted to know that everything was going to be okay. You wanted to know you would never give up on each other. You wanted their whole heart. I wanted James' whole heart. And right now, I didn't have it.

I knew that James loved me. But sometimes, it felt like he only loved me with half his heart. After Jaron's death, James started slipping away. His heart started breaking. Half his heart nowadays was in defensive mode, filled with mere concern and worry and fear for not just me but for everyone. Which was sweet and protective in its own way. But not the way I needed it.

As I slid into bed on Wednesday night, painfully aware that I didn't have the comfort of James beside me, I wondered if we'd be able to figure out exactly what our next move was going to be.

Because this whole avoiding each other thing wasn't working for me. And knowing James, I knew it probably wasn't working for him either.

* * *

**++FABIAN++**

"I am not going to be on call on both Friday and Saturday nights! I have a life you know!"

"Watching sports and drinking beer with your friends is not a life!"

"Yeah, well at least I have friends!"

"That's not saying much considering I _just _moved to this bloody city!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't have any friends back in France!"

"Who the hell are you to insult me and my life, Potter?"

"Oh, but it's okay for you to insult my life of watching sports and drinking beer?"

"That's not an insult, that's true!"

That's when I decided it was time to pop my head up over my cubicle to interrupt the fight breaking out between James and Sydny. "You guys do realize that everyone in this damn department can hear your lame argument, right?"

James rolled his eyes, irritation flickering in his eyes. At the staff meeting that morning, to no surprise to any of us, Moody had paired James and Sydny together as partners. We were never supposed to go out into the field alone, hence the idea of partners. One partnership was expected to stay in the Auror department on call at all hours of the night in case an emergency popped up. And at that moment, we were all supposed to be writing down our schedule preferences and while the rest of us seemed to have managed to handle that, James and Sydny were at each other's throats over the simple task. "Tell that to Miss Whore-house Syd," James muttered.

She glared at him. "How original," she drawled dryly. "And I'm sorry that _I _am actually trying to do my job."

"Work doesn't need to consume your whole life, Lafevre," James scowled.

"Maybe not to you, but being an Auror is my whole life. Ever since I was a young girl., I wanted to be an Auror and I've achieved that! And I'll be damned if I don't live up to my own bloody expectations of myself because of _you_!"

There was a sense of aggravation in her voice that I could swear wasn't targeted towards James.

"Yeah, and ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be an Auror as well! That doesn't mean my entire life should be consumed by a _job_." I neglected to point that James' entire life had already somehow been consumed by the job.

"This isn't just a job to me, Potter!"

James fell silent, gazing at her curiously. He sat back in his chair, his eyes filling with skepticism. "Why did you want to become an Auror?"

Shock registered on her face. "What does that have to do with coming up with our on-call schedule preferences?"

He shrugged. "Sounds to me like you have a lot to hide."

"Yeah, and it sounds to me like it's none of your business!"

He shrugged. "Why did you want to become an Auror?" he repeated.

"I'm not going to sit here and play a ruddy game of 20 Questions, Potter!"

James threw his quill down, letting out an aggravated cry, and glanced up at me. "You are so bloody lucky to have Alice as a partner, Fabian."

This certainly was going to be an interesting partnership. "Except I have to work around not only mine and Alice's schedules but _Frank's, _too. So be grateful you only have to work around two schedules."

"I can second that!" a familiar voice called out from a cubicle on the other side of Fabian. "Not that I don't enjoy being paired with Frank!"

"That didn't sound so authentic, Caleb!" Frank argued back with a teasing grin.

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about James and Sydny!"

"Don't make me put Fridays and Saturdays down as our first choice for on-call nights!"

"I'm sure Alice would appreciate that!"

"Oh, will you two shut it?" James groaned. "This isn't about either one of you!"

"Are you sure? Because your and Sydny's screams seem to be making it about everyone in this department!" Caleb cried out.

"Hear, hear!" half a dozen Auror cries filled the room.

James glanced over at Sydny out of the corner of his eye. "See what you've done?" he muttered.

"Oh, right, because I'm the only one to blame here," Sydny said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "What Moody was thinking when he paired you and I together is beyond me."

"Are you guys fighting again?"

James and Sydny stopped glaring long enough to glance up at Alice who had just traipsed in from a session with the recruits.

"Yes," I responded for them.

"Stay out of it, Prewett," James scowled.

"Believe me, I wish I could!" I retorted, shooting him an amused look. "But it's difficult when your screams fill the entire department and I'm forced to eavesdrop."

"Let me guess," Alice whined, propping herself up against James' desk. "You two have yet to come to agreeable terms?"

"Oh, _I've _come to agreeable terms," Sydny inserted immediately. "_He _hasn't."

James narrowed his eyes. "I refuse to be on call four days out of a seven-day week when there are nearly fifteen partnerships in this office!"

"Impressive, you've learned how many days there are in a week."

I couldn't help but chuckle. I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about Sydny. James was definitely right; she certainly had a lot to hide. But she also brought tons of amusement to the department. While I was already getting irritated by the arguments that broke out between her and James, it ironically brought me back to the days at Hogwarts when James and Lily used to have heated debates. It was somewhat nostalgic and I, for one, was curious who was going to eventually claim total authority and come out on top: James or Sydny.

James glared at her. "Have you always been this so obnoxious?"

She grinned snidely. "Yes. But you in particular bring out the worst in me."

"What an honor," he said sarcastically, wiping away a fake tear.

Sydny let out a frustrated scoff before standing up abruptly. "I'm in desperate need of coffee," she murmured, glancing briefly over at James. "Mostly because I need caffeine but partly because I need something to throw in Potter's face."

"Oh, then you can pick me up a latte, too," James retorted.

I snickered when she flipped him off and stormed out.

"It's been two and a half days, James," I said, quirking an eyebrow. "Any chance you know when this back-and-forth bickering will cease?"

"Don't look at me," James grunted. "This is all her doing."

"It takes two to argue," Alice challenged.

"No, it takes two to tango," James corrected. "It takes one to be obnoxious and insufferable."

"You don't think you're being a bit obnoxious back?" I pointed out.

James glared at me. "I am seriously not in the mood for some ridiculous pep talk, Prewett. She doesn't get to waltz in here one day and attempt to control everything. She-"

"No, because apparently controlling everything is your job," Caleb's voice interrupted. Just a few seconds later, he was appearing at the side of James' cubicle, leaning his arms on top of the cubicle wall with a knowing look. "Or at least trying to."

James scowled and I cringed inwardly, knowing that while we all agreed with Caleb, saying it aloud to James wasn't going to go well. "Don't be condescending, Gilmore," James snapped. "I've had a shitty week to say the least and I don't need your bullshit."

"Who said anything about bullshit?" Caleb argued with a curt shrug. "You know I'm right."

"I know I'm going to kick your ass if you say anything more on the matter."

Caleb sighed, exchanging a look with both myself and Alice. There wasn't much we could say when James was in one of his moods (my guess is something happened with Lily recently) to show him he was being unreasonable. He was stubborn as they come and wouldn't give in to anything we had to say. "If you say so," Caleb muttered, heading back to his own desk.

James sighed. "Would it be wrong of me to start drinking now? Might make it easier to compromise with Sluttyhouse Syd."

"Do the names make you feel better?" Alice snickered.

"Yes," he responded immediately. "Who's got a flask?"

I snickered "Can't you just wait until Majestic's tonight?" Once a month, the Aurors all have a standing date at Majestic Bar across the street from the Ministry for Karaoke. It was a way for us to just let loose and have a bit of fun as a way of distracting ourselves from the horrors that Voldemort and his Death Eaters unleashed upon the world.

"That's six hours away!" he whined.

I glared at him.

He slumped down sheepishly. "Okay, fine, but can I complain about the many ways Syphilis Lafevre bugs me the entire time?"

"Only after I've gotten drunk," I joked.

"Um, James?" Alice said, a guilty look playing across her face. "I…uh…I hate to break it to you, but I kinda invited Sydny out tonight."

James groaned. "Why the hell would you do that!?"

"Because it's an _Auror _night out. She's an Auror as much as you wish she wasn't," she snickered. "Besides, she's new in town. She doesn't know anyone."

"Yes, as you so kindly pointed out earlier, James," I chimed in.

James glared at me. "Seriously, anyone have a flask?"

"Drinking on the job? I knew you were no professional."

With an annoyed look, James turned to gaze at Sydny. "Don't make me accidentally knock that coffee out of your hands on to your chiffon top."

Sydny quirked an eyebrow. "Do I dare ask how you know what chiffon is?"

"I have a girlfriend."

"Ah, yes, the inflatable one."

Alice and I both couldn't help but laugh as James smacked his forehead against his desk. "Need. Flask. Now," he murmured.

Sydny just grinned. "I do have that effect on people."

Yep. Definitely going to be an interesting partnership.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I bailed on Karaoke pretty early on in the night much to Frank and Fabian's protests. But after about a half hour of Sydny making fun of my beer choice and Caleb's and my rendition of Jackson 5's "ABC", I was done dealing with her. It didn't help that Alice kept pestering me about Lily. Which meant that everyone found out she and I were in a fight, giving them ample opportunity to pester me as well.

Lily. I haven't seen her in three days but it felt like weeks. I wondered what was going through her mind because I sure as hell wasn't sure what was going through mine.

I grabbed a beer from our fridge (I was grateful that Remus had picked up some more earlier that day) and headed out to the balcony off my bedroom. I would say I spent about 50% of my time on that balcony. It looked out over the expansive backyard and when I was worried or nervous about something, the vast square footage somehow made me feel slightly comforted. It was quiet and peaceful and reminded me that life didn't have to always be so crazy and chaotic. And considering I was worried or nervous most of the time, that balcony had become a best friend fast.

I heard a rustling outside my door and glanced back. I nodded acknowledgement at Sirius before turning back to the skyline.

"Aren't you cold?" Sirius asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"No," I murmured.

"What are you doing home so early? I thought it was Karaoke night."

I frowned. "It is. But Bitchy Lafevre tagged along and I didn't want to spend any unnecessary time with her. So I skipped out."

"So the hot girl is still bothering you?"

"You don't know she's hot!"

Sirius shrugged, a cheeky grin on his face. "I choose to believe she's hot."

I turned to glare at him. "Don't make me ask you again to stay away from her."

Sirius grunted, rolling his eyes. "Okay, okay," he muttered. "But in return, you mind telling me what the hell is going on with you? You've been acting weird all week."

"Weird how?"

"_Quiet_."

"Hm, that is weird, isn't it," I muttered. It was my lame attempt at a joke.

Sirius sighed. "What happened with Lily, Prongs?"

My heart skipped a beat. I'm not surprised that Sirius picked up on the fact that I was bothered by something to do with Lily. I pursed my lips, gripping my beer tightly out of fear. Even the mention of Lily's name put me into a tailspin. Maybe I worried too much. Hah. Did I just say maybe? I definitely worried too much. Too bad I didn't know how to stop. "Why do all of the names of the problem girls end with y?" I muttered irritably.

There was a long pause, most likely due to confusion. "Uh…_what_?" he eventually said after processing my random question.

I cracked a smile. "Sydny, enough said. Lily's been on my case lately and her name ends with y. Dezzy was most definitely a problem child growing up! Riley, definitely enough said. I'm not sure what problems Kay has caused but I'm sure we can include her, too."

Sirius was giving me an incredulous look. "Is this what you've been thinking about all of this time out here?"

"I'm drunk," I pointed out. Not entirely true, but what did Sirius know? "I don't have a lot of thoughts swarming through my head."

"Well, I guess Frank's certainly a lucky guy to be marrying someone named Alice."

"And Fabian's lucky to be dating Keegan."

"I'll have to make a mental note to stay away from girls whose names end with y. Guess I can't go out with Hailey again."

"Do you ever really go out with the same girl more than once?"

Sirius cracked a smile. "What's Lily been on your case about?"

Damn, I thought we dropped that subject. "Nothing."

"Liar."

I frowned, letting out a sharp sigh. I hesitated before eventually saying, "Marriage."

There was a long stint of silence and had to turn around to make sure he was still standing there. A look of intrigue was plastered on his face. "Marriage, hm? Are you two planning on-"

"No," I interrupted immediately. "Well, she wants to. But I…I don't know. I just…"

Sirius sighed. "Not that I should be the one promoting the barbaric custom of marriage, but you _have _been dating Lily for nearly four years. What do you really expect?"

I cringed, finishing off the rest of my beer. "Am I a horrible person for wishing that this subject never came up in the first place?"

"Yes."

I glared at him.

"Dude, I only speak the truth."

I really wish I had thought of grabbing another beer.

"Where did you two leave things?" Sirius asked curiously.

"We…we kinda didn't," I admitted. "It's very open-ended."

He hesitated. "I have absolutely no idea what that means."

I sighed. "Yeah, well, neither do I."

"We need Remus."

"What?"

Before I knew what was happening, Sirius was traipsing through my room screaming out Remus' name. Great. Not only did Alice and the entire Auror department and Sirius know my personal business but now Remus was getting involved. I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"This better be good!" Remus grumbled from inside my bedroom. Minutes later, he appeared in the balcony doorframe. "What do you want?"

"Talk to your friend," Sirius requested, pointing at me.

"About _what_?"

"Marriage."

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "I always knew you two were meant to be together."

"Not marriage with _me_, marriage with _Lily_, you prat," Sirius argued, smacking Remus on the back of his head.

"Ow," Remus murmured, rubbing his head. "What's there to talk about? You finally giving into peer pressure and proposing to her?"

"_No_," I muttered. I didn't have to ask him what he meant by peer pressure. With everyone I know either getting married or getting engaged, it was as if a bigger force was pushing me towards the idea of proposing to Lily. But it was the bigger force called the dangers that Voldemortpresented that was making me so hesitant. "I…I want things to just stay the same. What's so wrong with that?"

"The fact that Lily will leave you if you don't get your act in gear," Remus responded immediately.

I jerked my head in his direction in shock. "That's a little extreme, isn't it?"

"Let me ask you a question: is she going to give up her desire for marriage?"

I frowned and didn't respond.

"Let me ask you another question," Remus said softly when I remained mute. "Are _you _going to give up _your _desire to not marry?"

I shut my eyes tightly, wanting to get away from all these questions and ambiguity in the balcony that I have come to know as my sanctuary. "Let's go back inside."

Remus and Sirius shared a concerned look which I ignored as I swept past them into my bedroom. I stifled a yawn and sat down on the edge of my bed. Sirius leaned up against my dresser and Remus took the beanbag chair in the corner (yes, I have a beanbag chair. Sirius bought it for me as a joke). "What are you thinking, James?" Remus dared to ask.

I stared up at my ceiling in bewilderment, silence engulfing the three of us. Remus was right; I didn't know if I wanted to give up my desperate and yet unreasonable need to just keep things the way they were. Every time I tried to make a change, something bad happened. And for once, I just wanted to keep things stable. But I also didn't expect Lily to give up her desires to be with me until the end of time, tied together in matrimony. I eventually said in all honesty, "I don't know."

"Well," Remus said slowly, "Do you want me to tell you what _I _think you're thinking?"

I hesitated. Probably not. "Am I going to want to hear this?"

"No."

I sighed. "Go ahead."

He exchanged a quick look at Sirius and I suddenly had a feeling they've discussed this particular subject before. Eventually, Remus turned to me with a sigh. "I think you're hiding behind Lily."

Hm, not exactly what I was expecting. "Hiding behind her?" I snorted. "Why would I be doing that?"

"I'm not saying you're not in love with the girl," he started, giving me a knowing look, "Because Merlin knows you have been ever since you set eyes on her on that Hogwarts train ten and a half years ago. I'm just saying that there's a part of you that's holding back from her, a part of you that fears your relationship, a part of you that wants to play it safe."

"Excuse me? What are you babbling about?" I grunted, my eyes bleeding frustration.

Remus fixed his stare on me, his face firm as stone, his eyes hard as ice. His expression remained even, his lips forming a tight line as he designed to get my undivided attention. "You are _not _your parents, James," he said confidently, his words drawn out and determineted.

I froze, realizing exactly what he was referring to. Exactly what I've been pretending not to be so concerned about. "I have no idea what you're talking about," I lied.

Sirius rolled his eyes, using this time to chime in. "Yes you do," he argued. "James, just because your parents' marriage didn't work out, doesn't mean that yours wouldn't either."

I really needed to find people who didn't seem to know everything about me. Even the things I was too afraid to admit. "You guys don't know what you're talking about," I argued, my teeth gritting together angrily.

"Yes, we do," Sirius and Remus said in unison. They did that a lot.

"And you know it," Remus added, shooting me a look.

I opened my mouth to retaliate but found no argument. Because sadly, they were right. Well, they were partly right. There was a lot more to do with it than even they realized. Than even _I _realized sometimes. I turned away from their scrutinizing gaze. "This isn't _just _about my parents," I admitted in a small voice, a heavy sigh escaping from my lips.

"Then what is it about?" Remus asked curiously.

That slight bit of vulnerability gave way to futility and I shrugged coolly. "It's about the fact that I have to get up early and go to the training facilities to help Lafevre prepare for her training session and it's nearly midnight. So if you don't mind-"

"You are such a _coward_, James, y'know that?" Remus interrupted with a desperate grunt. "If you don't want to tell us what's running through your head, you should at least have the decency to tell _Lily_. That girl deserves morethan what you have been giving her."

Did he not know that I realize that? That Lily deserved more than my fearful attitude I've been giving her? I didn't need to be berated by a friend who should know exactly what it feels like to lose the love of your life. "I'm not going to ask her to marry me, Remus. I _can't _do that to her," I grunted vulnerably, drawing my expression into a glare.

"Can't do what? Make her happy?" he snorted.

"No," I grunted, my frustration at the situation getting the better of me, "But thank you for being condescending."

"I'm not trying to be condescending," he retaliated. "I'm trying to understand."

"You can't understand!" I snapped, shaking my head. "No one can understand! How the hell am I supposed to ask that girl to marry me!?" I roared, my voice on the brink of trembling. "I would neverwish a life of inevitable failure and overwhelming heartbreak on _anyone_!"

Sirius and Remus exchanged a silent look of confusion. They really needed to stop doing that. "What are you talking about, James?" Sirius dared to ask.

I knew that I just backed myself into a corner. I knew I couldn't ignore my feelings anymore. I couldn't continue worrying without attempting to do something about it. So maybe it was time to tell someone exactly what I was so scared of. I sighed, shutting his eyes tightly. "Just look at every couple I've ever known," I eventually said, slumping down on my bed. "My mother and father? He left her after _thirty years _of marriage. _Thirty years _of what was supposed to be a _loving _committed marriage disappeared in a matter of seconds. And please don't take offense to this, Remus, but take a look at you and Jillian." I tensed up immediately, glaring at him. "She waited until your wedding day to break it off. And Bianca was in the midst of planning her wedding when Brite was murdered. She never even got to see her wedding day. You were never engaged, Sirius, but look at what happened between you and Riley. You were more than heartbroken when she disappeared." Sirius flinched at the name that no one had mentioned in his presence in over a year. "So yeah, what else would I call it except for failure and heartbreak? Maybe complete and utter predestined _fiasco _is a better word for it? None of these break-ups could have been described as mutual or even comprehensible. They all tore apart as quickly as they were formed. And I don't want that to happen to me and Lily. I _can't _let that happen to us. I love her too much to lose her and…if keeping her at a slight distance from myself is the way to keep her then so be it."

They were both staring at me in awe, both of their expressions twisted in a sense of burdened sympathy. As they both attempted to form the words to argue my monologue, I added softly before they could come up with any sort of argument, "So I'm supposed to propose to the girl that I am head-over-heels in love with knowing that at some point in the future, our relationship will most likely be ripped to shreds in some sort of cruel, ugly affair?" I shook my head hurriedly. "You guys think it's crazy of me not to propose to Lily. But to me? The _craziest _thing I could possibly do is ask that girl to marry me. I've already had to deal with so much bullshit in my life. I just…I can't lose her, too. And I just feel like that's where we must be heading. So for once, why can't things just…just stay the way they are?"

It's all I wanted. Not just for me but for everyone around me. I just wanted stability for once. Was that so much to ask? Change has always frightened the hell out of me, mostly because change for me often meant tragedy. So why should it be any different with Lily?

"James," Sirius spoke, his voice filled with intrigue. "Whether you keep her close or you keep her at a distance, it's not going to change what's happening in the world. You…you can't control everything."

"Why does everything keep saying that?" I muttered irritably.

"Unfortunately, change is inevitable," Remus spoke up. "No matter how hard you hope for it otherwise. Life…well, it never works out the way we want it to."

I glanced up at him and I had a pretty damned good feeling he was thinking of Jillian. "How did you know you wanted to get married?" I blurted out.

Shock registered on his face. I don't know what made me ask the question. The awkward question. His expression softened and he stared down at a stain on my carpet (a stain I kept on my floor because it reminded me of Brite; after he and Bianca broke up for the first time, he came home stumbling drunk, stole wine out of the wine cellar and managed to spill half a bottle of pinot noir on my floor as he warned me to never get a girlfriend. Hm, maybe he had been right.). Remus glanced back up at me and shrugged tersely. "I don't have a long and detailed explanation for you, James. The only thing I can really is that I…I proposed because I-I needed her." He frowned, adding, "Or at least I thought I did."

I locked eyes with Remus and realized that with all of the concerns and fears and questions I had been asking myself, I never once put any concern into how much I needed her. And the truth was, more than loving her or wanting her or lusting for her, I needed her. Desperately so. She was the one that reminded me that no matter how much tragedy was occurring in the world around me, I could at least find comfort and solace in her arms. She reminded me what it was like to just be happy, no matter how arduous a task it might be. I didn't just love her. I needed her.

"Don't be so afraid of the future and of the possibility of tragedy that you're blinded by worry," Remus urged.

Damn, he knew me well.

"And don't be so afraid of the future that you find yourself afraid of the present, too," he added.

Seriously, it's like he was reading my mind.

Remus stifled a yawn and maneuvered himself off the beanbag chair. "Just a thought, James."

"That's at least _two _thoughts," I muttered.

Remus shrugged. "Well, I'm not Sirius. I do show signs of intellect now and again."

"HEY!"

Remus flashed him a grin, smacking him on the leg and gesturing towards the door. "C'mon, let's go."

As Remus shoved Sirius out the door while Sirius attempted to list off the few times he used his brain, I said, "Thanks, Moony."

He offered me a dismissive wave while telling Sirius he was an idiot. Remus shut the door behind him, leaving me alone to ponder what my next move should be with Lily.

* * *

**++KAY++**

I meandered into my flat that night feeling rather down. I had just gone out for a few drinks with Lily and just after a few minutes, I knew something was wrong. Suddenly she was detailing the argument she shared with James on Sunday evening about their future together. With every word she spoke, my heart would develop distraught aches for both of them. They were both going through so much and it was obvious James was too terrified to even talk to Lily about his numerous worries and concerns. But there was no doubt in my mind that James Potter held more fear inside of him than anyone I've ever known. And hell, why shouldn't he? He's lost more than the rest of us combined.

Glancing at the time, I noted it was nearing midnight. I hadn't planned on staying that late as I was given the early morning shift at St. Mungo's and needed to be out the door in just four and a half hours but Lily was in clear need of a friend so I wasn't about to let her down.

As I slipped into the bedroom, I prayed that those two would work it out and soon. They were James and Lily. Two people who had strove to hate each other for six years and then beat the inevitable odds and shocked us all by falling in love. Both of them had lived through so much tragedy and misfortune and were able to find solace and comfort in being with each other. They provided us all with hope and happiness. If they could do it, any of us could.

Glancing at my sleeping fiancé, I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face. All couples have their share of problems. And that doesn't exclude Lance and me. Starting with the drama back in Hogwarts where Riley first disapproved of our relationship. And since then, we've had arguments. One being that I work too many hours and don't get to spend as much time with Lance as he would like. Two being that his mother and grandmother meddle far too much. Three being that he will occasionally defend Riley if and when her name is ever mentioned. But while these arguments will be long and screaming will ensue, every single time ends in passionate make-up sex. And all is forgotten.

Unfortunately, I had a feeling that make-up sex wouldn't be the solution to Lily and James' problem.

With a cheeky smile, I threw off my mediwitch robes and let them scatter to the floor haphazardly, leaving me in merely my bra and underwear. I crawled on top of Lance, kissing the back of his neck sensually. He stirred slightly, peeking one eye open. "Hey," he whispered breathlessly, the one word filled with so much love and adoration.

I let out a content sigh, one filled with relief and satisfaction, as I kissed his shoulder before placing my head on the nook of his back. "Thank you," I whispered faintly.

He hesitated, reaching behind him for my hand to squeeze it. "For what?"

I squeezed it back. "For making it so easy to love you."

He slowly fell to the side, which made me slide off his back. His eyebrow arched when he caught my outfit, or lack thereof. "What's going on, Kay?"

This time, I climbed on top of him with a said smile, resting my chin on his chest. "James and Lily are going through something."

He leaned over to kiss me. "What kind of something?"

"He doesn't want to get married."

Lance's eyebrows shot upward. "Ouch."

"Yeah," I sighed.

"So…so what now for them?"

"I don't know," I whispered softly, anxiety building up inside of me.

He frowned, reaching out and running his hands along the frame of my face, pushing my hair from my face before once again, pressing his lips to mine without a word.

I scooted upward on his body as the kiss intensified, our tongues intertwining desperately with each other. A light moan escaped my lips as Lance slammed his lips determinedly against mine. Kissing Lance never got old. I always felt such intense passion between us. I always will. When our lips broke apart, my eyes met his with overwhelming desperation. "We're going to be together forever, right?" I whispered.

He smiled, his hands slipping down my back fondly. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

I don't know why, but relief filled my heart. I quickly sealed it with a kiss.

* * *

**A/N: **Lots of James, some of Lily, some insight on Sydny (yay!), and a tiny bit of Kay and Lance (who are a favorite couple of mine, by the way). Next chapter with thankfully provide us with the answer to the obvious question: what's going to happen between James and Lily? What do you think is going to happen? Please review!


	6. Of Proposals, Chili, & Suitcases

**A/N: **I'm back and so soon after the 5th chapter! I know you're all super ecstatic! Hm, or maybe it's just me. I do realize that this story seems a bit heavier and darker than my prior ones, but alas, what do you expect? Everyone's older now and in the midst of a war. School classes and pranks are sadly something of their past. Fighting for their lives and for their loved ones is their present.

I know that in my prior story, the focus was mainly on James and Lily, Sirius and Riley, Remus and Jillian, and Kay (okay, maybe a tiny bit of Peter...), but seeing as some of those people have disappeared (coughRileycoughJlliancough), I'm choosing to introduce a bunch of new characters. Some more important than others (coughKeegancoughSydnycoughAl iceFrankcoughFabiancoughLanc ecoughCalebcoughShanecough...sorry, something's clearly stuck in my throat!) and some that will merely flit about, but I'm finding it oddly fascinating focusing on all of the varieties of first-person thoughts. It's a lot harder than third person, I think, because I truly have to know what each and every one of them are thinking at all times in order to pursue the right angle. I hope I'm doing it some justice. I honestly can't tell you why I went with first person except for the fact that with so many different points of view, I thought it would certainly be the most interesting (and fun...) way of capturing this story. So I hope you don't hate it! Because I don't.

**Disclaimer: **I happen to not be J.K. Rowling and therefore own quite little of this story...but I am counting down until her new book comes out on the 27th. Not sure how I'm going to feel about something non-HP but I think it should be an interesting read!

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 6: Of Proposals, Chili, & Suitcases

* * *

**++SHANE++**

Lily and I have been working together for three years. I've come to not only respect her as a coworker but a friend also. I could always tell when something was bugging her. And today, something was definitely bugging her.

We were going over a foreign policy communication proposal with the other seven liaisons and a few of the chief assistants and she hadn't spoken more than two words the entire meeting. And this is a girl who often took control even when she didn't always realize it.

The morning meeting ended with very little progress made, but Yvette Stuyvesant and Brooks Bossley had to whisk away to a meeting with the British members of the International Confederation of Wizards (that neither were looking forward to) in order to discuss the recent Death Eater spottings in Central America. And considering they were last spotted in North America, it seemed likely there might be some Death Eaters hiding out in Central America.

"We have to work on the wording of section 8," Lily was saying to me as we headed back to her office. "I can guarantee that Canada won't agree to this proposal until we take the disclaimer out. They're already squeamish when it comes to international communication between the different countries."

"That's because they're convinced they're superior to all other Ministries and don't need to adhere to any changes we attempt to make for the better," I muttered. As much as I enjoyed working with foreign policy and international law, Canada was beginning to rub me the wrong way.

She shrugged, slipping into her office with me right behind her. She groaned when she saw the stack of memos on her desk. "I think Lunder is trying to kill me by way of endless paperwork."

"Well, then he's trying to kill all of us," I pointed out with a shrug, easing myself into one of her guest chairs. "So you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

She glanced up at me, a surprised look on her face. I had a feeling it wasn't because of the horrible segue. "What?" she said.

"You've been awfully quiet all morning. And you seemed distracted during yesterday's staff meeting. And you had your door closed all Monday and Tuesday."

"You read too much into my actions," she muttered.

I shrugged. "Or maybe I just know your actions well."

She frowned and she started tapping her toe lightly against the ground like she often did when feeling anxious. "Do you ever want to get married?"

Well, that certainly got my attention. "_What_?"

She shrugged, leaning back in her chair. "Do you ever plan on marrying?"

I hesitated, thoroughly confused and yet intrigued. "I don't know," I admitted. "Maybe if the right girl came along." Or if the right girl simply noticed me as more than just a coworker.

"But if the right girl came along, you'd consider it, right?"

I had absolutely no idea where this was headed. "I guess. I don't know. It's not exactly an option for me right now, so it's hard to speculate."

She scowled. "Are all men this scared of marriage? As if settling down with the girl they love should come as a shock?"

Ah. "James doesn't want to get married?"

Her look softened and there was regret hidden behind her eyes. "This isn't about James. This is about all men."

I grinned slyly. "So you want to get married to _all men_, hm? Didn't realize that polygamy was your thing."

She rolled her eyes. "How about we get back to this proposal, hm?"

"Would that be the foreign policy proposal or the lacking marriage proposal?"

She gave me her best unhumored gaze, but there was a certain air of amusement in the way she was fighting a smile. "Very funny," she said dryly. "Section 9 needs more elaboration on written versus verbal agreements. We run into a lot of he said-she said debates over spoken arrangements. We need all final decisions to be made in writing."

We continued to discuss the communication proposal, but I was only half-listening. I was curious what had occurred between James and Lily in reference to the subject of marriage. It sounded to me as if James didn't want to get married. I personally think he was an idiot. He had one hell of a girl who loved him unconditionally and he should marry her before she comes to the realization that he wasn't worth her time.

There was a light knock on Lily's door and we both glanced up. Well, speak of the devil.

There was surprise in Lily's eyes when she saw James there. "Hi," she said awkwardly.

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt," he apologized.

"Nah, it's just another draft of this communication proposal," I said with a shrug. "Believe me, we're happy for the interruption. How's Auror life?"

He smiled at me, but it was a hesitant smile. "Oh you know. Voldemort kills, the Death Eaters follow, and we train hard so that when we actually catch the bad guys, we can pommel them."

I snickered. "That should be the Auror motto."

"I'll suggest it to Scrimgeour."

"I expect credit for it."

James laughed. "I'll see what I can do." He glanced back at Lily, who was staring at him anxiously. "Do you have time to grab lunch with me, Lily?"

"Uh," she stumbled as she gazed towards me. "I-I don't know. We have a lot of work..." she trailed off. There was a look of pleading desperation on her face and I had a feeling she wanted me to chime in and say we were too busy. And that's what I wanted to do. But I couldn't.

"Nah, you two go ahead," I argued, forcing a fake smile on my face. "We can finish this afterward."

"You sure?" she said, her look unwavering.

I nodded. "Yeah. You crazy kids have fun," I teased. I reached for the draft on Lily's desk and headed towards the door. "Come find me later, Lily, and we can finish it up."

She nodded and I headed out of the room with a sigh. I traipsed into my own office two doors down with every intention of perusing the stack of memos on my desk, but my mind kept wandering. I hated that James Potter was such a good guy. I genuinely liked him. Everyone did upon first meeting him.

But liking James Potter made me feel guilty about having a crush on his girlfriend.

* * *

**++LILY++**

James and I were fairly quiet while walking to our usual deli. We tried to have lunch together every week, but more often than not, our busy, hectic schedules got in the way. And we had never gone to lunch before under such awkward pretenses. Honestly, I had no idea what had inspired James to stick his head into my office and request lunch. After our awkward conversation on Sunday, I was convinced we'd be attempting to avoid each other and the situation until we both had the chance to figure out what we really wanted.

I sighed. I guess he has already had enough with avoiding me. I just prayed that whatever it is he needed to figure out, it didn't end badly for me.

We slipped into an empty booth with my Caesar salad and his turkey club and before he could say anything, I blurted out, "Please tell me this isn't a break-up lunch."

He looked thoroughly alarmed. "_What_?"

I shrugged guiltily. "Well, what else am I supposed to think after Sunday night?"

"Do you really think I'd ask you to lunch to break up with you?" James asked, a hint of an amused smile on his face. "I'd at least wait 'til dinner. Wouldn't want you to have to go through the rest of the day sobbing because I dumped you."

I leaned back in the booth, scowling. "You have the tact of a peanut."

"Do peanuts have tact?"

"Not at all."

James chuckled, reaching for my hand and kissing my fingertips. "Lily, I'm not breaking up with you. Nor do I plan to anytime soon."

That should have made me feel slightly more at ease, but it didn't. It just reminded me again that we were at a standstill. "So...where does that leave us?" I dared to ask, my heart beating out of my chest.

A smile appeared on his face. A smile I couldn't read. He almost looked proud, and I was curious what his next words were going to be. "I hope that leaves us with you moving in with me."

I froze. What did he just say? "What did you just say?"

He laughed. "I want you to move in with me."

I narrowed my eyes, confused. Seriously, what did he just say? "Like...like move into Potter Manor? While you're still living there?"

I wasn't surprised when he laughed again. My question was beyond stupid. But I was absolutely floored. I was under the impression that he wanted everything to stay the same.

"Yes, Lily, the act of moving into Potter Manor while I'm still living there is precisely what I mean by you moving in with me."

I tried cracking a smile, but I was still too shocked to even attempt to show amusement. "But…but…huh?"

Laughter shone in his hazel eyes. "Lily," he said with a cheeky grin, reaching over the table for my hand. "Please move in with me."

I knew my eyes still showed skepticism as I chewed curiously on my bottom lip. "Why are you asking?"

A frown replaced his grin. "Not exactly the response I was looking for," he murmured.

I cringed guiltily. "Sorry, it's just that this is taking me a bit by surprised considering..." I trailed off, not sure where to begin. I felt my heart start to race as I inhaled sharply. "James, are you asking in hopes that that will be enough for me?" I murmured bluntly.

Realization flickered in his eyes. "Oh," he said, his eyes widening in surprise. "No, Lily, that's not it at all. I just...I don't know how...I can't...things..."

"So far, your persuasion skills are rather lacking."

He cracked a smile, reaching out to tuck my auburn hair behind my ear. I felt a shiver run down my spine at the intimate gesture. "Lily," he whispered, his tone strangely even and complacent. I wondered what he was about to say. "I-I spent the past few days thinking about everything you said and...and realized that you were right. About it all. You gave me a million reasons why we should one day get married, and I...well, I didn't exactly give you any reason to believe that marriage shouldn't be an option for me. For _us_."

"Yeah, I noticed," I said, a little too hastily.

We both fell silent and a million thoughts started swarming through my head. But the one thought I kept focusing on was that I loved James. I just hoped it was enough.

"I'm ready to talk if you're ready to listen," he eventually spoke in a hoarse whisper.

My heart nearly ached out of its chest due to sheer desperation. I could barely muster a nod as I met the guilt in his hazel eyes. "I'm always ready to listen to you if you're ready to talk," I whispered, so badly just wanting him to talk to me. It's all I've ever wanted for four years. Talking about his feelings wasn't something James Potter was particularly good at when feeling even slightly vulnerable. And lately, he was most definitely feeling vulnerably.

His eyes didn't waver from mine as a slow frown framed his rigid jawline. "Honestly, Lily," he croaked out, "I-I have never been so incredibly frightened of the future than I am right now. I'm not ready for any big changes to happen to me because...because every time a change occurs, something bad happens. I feel like I'm…I'm constantly walking around in a state of dread wondering what's going to hit me next. And I hate feeling so paranoid and panicked all the bloody time. I especially hate knowing it's affecting our relationship," he whispered, blinking guiltily. He instinctively reached over and brushed a strand of hair from my face, hesitating only slightly to slowly twirl it around on his finger daintily. "But I guess for the first time in a really long while, I just felt like things were maybe finally getting back on track. I felt that perhaps I could stop walking around so damned desperate to gain control back of a life, _my_ life, that had gone so wildly different than I ever could have imagined. And so...I-I know it probably sounds ridiculous but for once, I just wanted to stand still in the moment and keep things the way they were. For as long as I could until the next horrible things pops up. Does that make any sense?"

It wasn't often I saw known fear in the eyes of James Potter, but I could tell he wasn't lying when he said he walked around in a state of dread. My fingers danced lightly on the palm of his hand as I gazed up at him. "Yeah," I said sincerely, nodding slowly. "I get that, James. Believe me, if anyone understands not being able to deal with change well, it's me." And I meant it. Just because I've had a lot to overcome didn't mean I handled any of it well. "After my parents died and my sister walked out on me, my whole life was turned upside down. I woke up every morning wondering what the hell was going to happen to me next. I always felt so trapped in a world of pain and tragedy."

He sighed, pulling his hand back from mine hesitantly. "I do, too," he murmured. He glanced up at me, a flicker of sadness flashing in his eyes. "Lily, you have to know that it's not marriage with _you _that scares me. And it's certainly not our relationship. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And you certainly remind me that there is still good left in the world. When I'm with you, I...I forget about everything else. You make me forget about all of the bad things in my life and in the wizarding world. You make me forget this war and hell, it's not easy doing that. I really can't imagine not having you in my life." His voice seemed distant and strained. Like he was trying to convince himself of these words.

And I didn't totally understand where he was going with this. If he felt that way and if marriage really didn't scare him, why was he so determined to keep things the way they were? My heart skipped a beat. "That's a good thing, right?" I commented for lack of anything better to say.

He nodded slowly, guilt passing through his eyes. "The thing is, Lily, is that I...I…" he trailed off, the words catching in his throat. I knew whatever he was holding back was something he wasn't sure he was ready to share with me.

"Tell me, James," I whispered pleadingly.

He blinked hesitantly before meeting my gaze. He swallowed hard, his eyes flickering with an enormous amount of uncertainty. "I don't want to end up like Sirius or Remus or my mother. I don't want to end up feeling lost or heartbroken if something goes wrong. I've watched them crumble and fall apart due to the worst possible betrayal. From someone they ultimately loved and trusted with everything they had. And I'm not saying it's going to happen with you and me. But…but maybe it's just been easier living my life in the present moment than worrying about the what ifs that the future brings."

I found myself nodding, surprisingly understanding to every word he was speaking. I knew that for so long James felt so out of control of his destiny and the destinies of the people around him. For once, he just wanted to keep things the way they were in fear that the moment he changed it, all hell would break loose again. "I get that, James," I said slowly. "But…"

But the problem was, I had the exact opposite mind-frame from James. I wanted things to change because I knew that it didn't matter whether we just lived in the present instead of living for the future. Bad things were going to happen no matter what. "The future and the what ifs are always going to be there," I whispered.

He met my gaze and nodded slowly. "I-I know," he murmured, but he still looked hesitant.

I frowned. "James, do you know who I don't want to end up like?" I whispered.

He hesitated. "Who?"

"Bianca."

Shock registered on his face. It has been a long time since any of us had mentioned her.

"She lost the love of her life early on, James," I said softly, gazing down at my salad indifferently. "Too early. Before either one of them could ever really live their lives. I don't want that. I don't just want to live in that present that you're so desperate to hold on to because I want my future to include you. I want—no, I need to live every day as if it is my last. Or...or your last. Because someday soon it very well may be."

"Stop," he murmured, his face growing white. "I really hate when you talk like that."

"I'm being realistic," I said guiltily.

He swallowed hard. "Yeah, and realistically, I _cannot _live my life without you. So realistically, I can't listen to you talk about you not being around anymore." He glanced down at his plate awkwardly before meeting my curious gaze once again. "So am I ready to get married now? Not really. Because I'm afraid the moment we take that step is the moment everything will fall apart. And I just want to continue loving you. Because how much I love you is about the only thing I know for certain these days. You're my world. You're my everything."

I nodded hesitantly, the ends of my mouth turning upward. If he continued saying things like that than maybe I didn't need marriage.

"I realize how selfish I've been lately, Lily," he whispered, hanging his head in shame. "I claim that everything I do or say has always been for you but when it comes to the idea of marriage, it's me and only me that I've been able to focus on. I stopped thinking about what you wanted for us a long time ago and just worried about what I wanted. And I-I didn't know the answer to that. I honestly didn't know what I wanted because I was too scared to figure it out. But over these past few days, I've forced myself to stop thinking about the future in fear and just think about it in terms of you and me. _Not _just me."

I frowned curiously, so incredibly grateful that he was just finally talking to me about all of the things I had wanted him to.

"And I will marry you some day, Lily Evans," he whispered. My eyebrow arched in surprise. "I know that I will get down on my knee and ask you to spend the rest of your life with me as my wife. As scary as the future and the what ifs are, the only what if I will never have to ask is what if it's not you standing by my side when I need someone because it will _always _be you. You're the girl I was destined to be with. So the day will come where I will ask you to marry me. And I want it to be a day that we'll both remember forever. I want to know it's not only the right thing for us but the only thing. I don't want to hesitate. I don't want to do it out of fear or uncertainty or obligation. I want it to be real."

That's all I really needed to hear.

"Lily you have to know how much I _need_ you in my life. I do. It's not about what I want anymore. It's about what I need. And what I need is you," he whispered, smiling awkwardly. "Which brings me back to the reason I asked you to lunch."

I smiled shyly.

"Move in with me, Lily." It wasn't a question, it was a request.

I hesitated, wrapping my head around the long speech James just provided to me. "The guys will be heartbroken," I contemplated.

"They'll get over it."

"You sure you're ready to live with a girl?"

"With you, absolutely."

"What if you're asking me because you really just need a maid and a cook?"

He grinned. "That is an incentive, yes."

"Are you ready to go to sleep _every night_ next to me and wake up beside me _every morning?"_

_ "_Are you trying to work me up?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yes," I said with a teasing smile. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I wanted nothing more than to move in with James. So why the hesitance? A part of me feared he was only asking me so that we would both forget for the time-being our conversation from Sunday night.

James reached for my hand and squeezed it, his smoldering brown eyes staring desperately at me. He reached over the table and pressed his lips determinedly against mine. When he pulled away, his hazel eyes were merely inches from mine. And I realized he wasn't asking me to make me forget the conversation we had. He was asking me because he really wanted me to move in with him. It was that plain and simple, even in a world of confusion and pain. "The only question you should be asking me, Lily, is if I love you. And the answer to that is unequivocally _yes_."

It was the kiss that did me in. His kisses still made my knees go weak. And it was then I realized how much I needed him, too. "Okay."

He quirked an eyebrow. "Okay? Is that an okay I'll move in with you or an okay I already know that you unequivocally love me?"

I framed his face with my hands. "That's an okay, let's move in together," I whispered before pressing my lips to his.

He pumped his fist into the air and cheered, earning a round of looks from the surrounding tables.

I laughed as James glanced over at the table beside me where an elderly couple sat in alarm and said, "Sorry, I'm just really excited. My girlfriend just agreed to move in with me!"

"James!" I whined, slumping down out of pure embarrassment.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him. "Living in sin! You're both going straight to hell!" She grabbed her husband's hand and immediately skidded out of the deli.

My eyes widened with mock shock, an amused smile on my face.

James just shrugged, slumping back down into his seat with an overdramatic sigh. "Hm, let's hope our friends give us a warmer reaction."

* * *

**++JAMES++**

"Where the hell have you been? We're supposed to be down in the training facilities in five minutes!"

I rolled my eyes. "Why hello to you too, Lafevre," I muttered.

"Where have you been?" she demanded to know.

I plopped down into my chair, shooting her an irritated look. "I was at lunch," I retorted. I had no idea what compelled me to add, "Asking my girlfriend to move in with me."

Slowly, her eyebrow arched. "You look happy so I can only assume she said yes. That or you had a particularly delicious sandwich."

I rolled my eyes. "While my sandwich was particularly delectable, Lily did in fact agree to move with with me."

"Oh yeah?" she said slowly. "What kind of sandwich was it?"

I glared at her. "Gee, your heartfelt reaction is really touching."

I don't know what reaction I expected from her, but a smile certainly wasn't it. Come to think of it, this is the first smile that I've actually seen from her. "I don't do touching," she teased. She hesitated at my unamused glare, shrugging. "Alright, fine but just this once. Congratulations, Potter. Really."

Okay, she was up to something. "Congratulations?"

"Yes, it's what people say to express joy in the good fortune of others."

I rolled my eyes. "I know what it means, thank you very much. I'm just surprised to hear those words come out of your mouth."

"What, can't believe I can actually be nice?"

"No, no I can't."

She frowned, tapping her foot impatiently. "What did you want me to say? That sucks? Did you have to bribe her? Or blackmail her? Did you slip something into her food? What kind of brain-dead inflatable doll of a girlfriend do you have who would actually agree to shack up with a surly lunatic like yourself?"

"Okay, that last one sounded a bit rehearsed."

I was even more shocked when a laugh escaped her lips. "Sorry, _lunatic_."

"And now you're cracking non-cynical jokes to me?" I said, shocked.

"Calling you a lunatic is non-cynical?" she said. "Duly noted."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, what the hell happened to you in the hour that I was away at lunch?"

She cracked a smile, leaning back in her chair with a curious glint in her eye. "Potter, did you ever think that we butt heads because we're so similar?"

I quirked an eyebrow. "No, that thought never crossed my mind."

"Well, we are. We crack cynical jokes and we use sarcasm merely as a front."

"A front for _what_?"

She frowned. "Dealing with whatever we're really feeling."

My heart skipped a beat. Damn, maybe she knew me better than I thought she did. "Oh? And what am I really feeling, Lafevre?"

"Fear."

Okay, she answered that question a little too quickly. I declined to argue. "And what are _you _really feeling?"

She hesitated, panic flashing in her eyes. "We need to get downstairs," she said hastily, rushing out of her chair immediately.

I scowled. Why is it that she was so determined to hide every aspect of her life from me? "Damnit, Lafevre," I grunted. "We don't know a thing about each other and we're supposed to be partners. Why can't we actually attempt to get to know each other _without _changing the subject?"

"Can we start with some easier questions at least?" she scoffed. "Like where do you live? Are you dating anyone? What school did you attend? How old are you?"

"I already know all of those things," I responded immediately. "Except for the school question because I know you didn't attend Beauxbatons."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Have you been checking up on me?"

I snorted. "Like you haven't done the same for me?"

She hesitated. "Fair enough. So are we heading downstairs or what?"

I sighed. Clearly I wasn't going to get any answers today. "Yeah, whatever."

As we waited for the elevator, she turned to me briefly with a skeptical gaze. "I did mean my congratulations, James. Believe me, I get that it's difficult in this industry to keep your loved ones around so it's always nice to hear when things work out."

I was shocked by the brief show of gratitude. "Thanks," I said lamely. "I think."

She simply shrugged. The elevator doors opened and we mixed with the people inside.

We didn't say another word to each other for the next hour of training. But I couldn't help glance over at her periodically wondering what she knew about keeping loved ones around in this industry.

Or what her non-cynical jokes and sarcasm was really covering up.

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

I was shocked to enter our apartment to see the kitchen light on and to hear clanging noises from what I can assume was Lily fixing herself dinner. I glanced down at my watch and saw that it was only five-thirty. Roughly two hours earlier than Lily often arrived home from work.

"Lily?"

She glanced behind her. "Hey, Keegan. Want some chili?"

"What are you doing here?"

She gazed at me, amused. "I live here. Well, for now anyway."

"But you're home so early," I protested. "And what do you mean 'for now?'"

She placed down the ladle on the stove and turned around to face me, a grin forming on her face. "James asked me to move in with him!"

My jaw dropped. I didn't see that coming. "Wow, what came over Mr. I-don't-want-anything-to-change?" We had had a long drawn-out conversation on Monday night where we finished off two whole bottles of wine and discussed the wall that James had built around him.

She shrugged, her smile not wavering. "I have no clue. Someone must have talked some sense into him."

"Ah, I do enjoy how logical Remus can be."

She laughed. "What makes you think it's Remus?"

"You just said someone had to talk some _sense _into him. Who else do we know that actually has some semblance of sense floating around in their brain? And so help me Merlin, if the words Sirius or Black come out of your month, this chili will be all over the front of your shirt."

She grinned. "I would never consider putting the words Sirius, Black, or sense in the same sentence unless there is a _no _in front of that sense."

I laughed, throwing the newspaper layout in my arms on to the table. "Well, this calls for a celebration!"

"Sirius not having any sense calls for a celebration?"

I shot her a mock unamused look. "No! You moving in with that commitment-phobe boyfriend of yours," she chuckled. "Do we still have that leftover bottle of champagne that you brought back from Dezzy's wedding?"

"Yeah, I think so. Check the cupboard."

When I returned, two bowls of chili were on the table and Lily was gazing up at me pensively. "Does champagne go with chili?" I asked her.

She shrugged awkwardly, only half paying attention to me. "Guess we're about to find out," she said, somewhat absentmindedly.

I popped the champagne cork and poured us two glasses into beer steins (why we have beer steins and yet no champagne glasses in our apartment is completely beyond me). "What are you thinking right now?"

She frowned. "Should I have questioned James further about why he wants me to move in with him?"

I gave her a look. "Do you feel like you need to question him?"

"Not really," she said slowly. "I know he was being sincere."

"Then why do you look so worried?"

Her frown wavered as she slowly sipped the champagne. "I don't know."

I offered her a lopsided smile. "You've never lived with a guy before. That's why."

"_Should _I be worried?"

I shrugged. "How should I know?"

"Because you _have _lived with a guy before."

Oh, right. I fell silent, busying myself by stirring the steaming chili. I tried coming up with something to say that wouldn't give too much away of my past. "Don't be worried. This is a good thing. Just be happy."

Her eyes pierced through mine and I had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't entirely convinced. "Can I ask you something?" she asked softly.

I had a feeling what was coming next but I nodded anyway.

"Why did you two break up?"

Yep, I knew that was coming. I had no idea what to say, though. The truth would make no sense to anyone but me. How exactly was I supposed to tell the girl who was vying to marry her boyfriend that my ex-boyfriend had proposed and hence, I had to break up with him? "We just weren't right for each other," I said vaguely. Well, he wasn't right for me. Based off the yelling match we had when I broke up with him, he thought I was right for him.

"Gee, could you be less specific."

I cracked a smile. "We moved in together too early in the relationship." That was partly true. "It was kinda a downward spiral from there." That wasn't true. "And one day, I...I just realized I couldn't be with him anymore." That was totally true.

"Why not?"

Damn, stop interrogating me! "He...he expected more out of our relationship and I didn't."

Lily frowned. "What does that mean?"

"It means that it's a good thing we broke up when we did or I never would have moved in with you," I said with a cheeky grin. "Which ironically didn't really work out too well since now you're leaving me."

She sighed, a sudden distressed look appearing on her face as she gazed around the kitchen. I had a feeling it was because she was suddenly a bit nostalgic. I know that she had moved into this flat in the September following her Hogwarts graduation. And three years later, she was finally moving out. Just when we were beginning to make it feel like home. "I'm going to miss you."

I smiled. "It's going to be so weird without a roommate."

"Well, Sirius and Remus will be needing a new-"

"Hell to the no!"

She laughed. "Hm, didn't think so."

"_Knock, knock!_" a voice cried out from the foyer.

Lily grinned, jumping up from the table immediately and rushing out of the kitchen.

"Your chili is going to get cold!" I cried out with a chuckle.

Minutes later, James walked into the kitchen with Lily on his back. "Hey, Keegan," he greeted, hoisting Lily down. "Did I hear a mention of chili?"

I chuckled and pointed to the stove. "Lily made it, but I pour a mean glass of champagne."

He grinned. "I'll take some of both."

Lily nodded and obliged his request. I leaned back in my chair, staring at James in scrutiny as he took a seat beside me. "So I hear you're stealing my roommate."

He gazed up at me sheepishly. "Do you hate me?"

"No, it's about damned time," I snorted, laughing at the glare he shot towards me. "Don't give me that look. It has been nearly four years."

James rolled his eyes, grabbing Lily's hand as she handed him the champagne flute. He kissed her hand thoughtfully. I made a face. Sometimes, they were way too cute for my taste. "Four years too late," James said softly, his eyes not straying from Lily.

I shuddered. "Suddenly, I am not so hungry."

James chuckled, finally turning away from his girlfriend long enough to look at me. "Well, get ready to never be hungry again," he teased as he grabbed Lily and pulled her down on top of him. She shrieked but laughed, teasing him with a few light kisses. They have officially surpassed 'cute' and moved into disgustingly mushy.

"I suddenly feel like I'm the third wheel on your date. Wait, did I say date? I meant _foreplay_," I joked, finishing off the rest of my champagne and jumping up from the table. "I'll leave you two alone. Try not to taint this kitchen like you've tainted everything else in this apartment."

"Aw, don't go." I turned around, surprised to hear that it was James who argued. "I didn't mean to run you off."

"You're not running me off," I protested with a shrug, grabbing the newspaper layout from the table. "I have articles to finish editing anyway."

He frowned, his gaze not faltering from mine. "I really am sorry to be taking your roommate away."

My heart skipped a beat. I didn't think I needed to hear that but the deep regret and guilt in his voice made me appreciative. I was happy for Lily, I genuinely was. But she was a strong tie to the group of people I now hung out with. And maybe a part of me was a little afraid of losing that tie with Lily leaving. I wondered if James knew what I was thinking. The look on his face made me think he did. "Thanks for that, but you don't have to be sorry for moving in with the girl you love," I was quick to say, smiling. I could see a slight blush creeping on to Lily's cheeks. "I can handle myself. In fact, I was thinking of turning Lily's room into a spa."

She scowled. "I told you a half hour ago I was moving and you're already thinking of ideas for renovation?"

I grinned. "You know how much I've always wanted a Jacuzzi."

James sat upright. "Ooh, on second thought, maybe I'll move in with you instead."

He ducked as Lily smacked him on the back of his head. "You do realize that if you wanted to install a Jacuzzi, you have about a million rooms in your home to do so," she pointed out.

He hesitated. "Who really needs a kitchen anyway?"

"Uh, I do," Lily snorted, shooting him a look.

"Damn, I knew asking you to move in with me would bite me in the ass one day," he muttered.

"That didn't take long," I snickered.

"And I'd stop talking if you don't want that chili spilled in your lap," Lily warned, making a face.

"Hm, duly noted," he said with a grin, kissing the side of her face.

"Well, as much as I would love to see a bowl of chili thrust into James' lap, I really do have articles to edit," I spoke, banishing my bowl of chili and empty wine glass into the sink. "I repeat: please do not taint this kitchen."

"Sorry, I cannot promise that," James said, brushing Lily's hair behind her shoulder to kiss her neck.

I shuddered. "I can't understand why you two continue to spend all your time here when you have an entire manor named after you, Mr. Potter," I murmured, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Because we have to taint every single inch of this apartment before I move out?" Lily suggested with a grin.

A groan escaped my mouth as I practically rushed out of the room. "Maybe it's a good thing you're moving out, Lily Evans!"

All I could hear was the two of them kissing as I headed into my bedroom.

I tried reading the articles in front of me, but I couldn't focus. I kept thinking about Damien and the relationship we shared. Being with him had always been so easy because when we first started casually dating, neither one of us wanted anything serious. We had our fun and if one of us didn't check in for a few days, the other didn't care. I felt free and uncontrolled around him. I didn't feel tied down and I didn't feel the panic I often felt after a few months with someone. He felt more like a best friend than a boyfriend. We never even used that title. When my lease on my flat was up, he suggested moving in with him. My first thought was how much money that would save me. So I did it. And it worked for a while. Until I came home from work to rose petals strewn everywhere and Damien down on one knee in the living room. I turned around and walked out in complete shock. I reentered the flat a few hours later after strolling around the neighborhood to collect my thoughts. The rose petals had been chucked into the garbage and Damien was sitting at the kitchen table with what I could only assume was his fifth or sixth beer. We argued back and forth (one of our only arguments that we ever had during our eight-month relationship) until I finally told him that I couldn't be with him anymore. I walked out of the flat for a second time that night and never saw him again.

If he had never proposed to me, there's no doubt in my mind that I would still be with him. Because to me, casual and easy was what a relationship should be. I ironically did like being in relationships. I liked the comfort that came with knowing someone would always be there for me. It was honestly rare for me to be single. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was fear of being alone.

But it was my fear of commitment that kept these relationships casual. I just hoped that Fabian understood that.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

"I don't know how to say this," I started slowly and nervously, "but Lily and I have decided it's time to move in together. I hope you can support this decision because both Lily and I are extremely excited about this. But sadly, this means that we can no longer be roommates. I can't imagine living in this house without you guys but it's time that I step up and take control of my future. Which ironically, you both hinted at last night out on the balcony. It won't be the same living here without you and I will help you in any way to find a new place to live. Hey, I hear Keegan needs a new roommate! I wish we could all live together, but I think it's sadly time for me to grow up and focus on my relationship with Lily. I do hope this doesn't change anything between us because you guys will always be my best friends." I exhaled slowly and glanced up. "Well?"

Lily shrugged, stifling a yawn. "You sound way too formal," she teased. "If you barged into Remus' and Sirius' rooms, threw a suitcase at them, and told them to start packing their things because I'm moving in and they're moving out, you'd probably get the same reaction."

"They're more delicate than that!"

Lily was clearly trying to hold back a smirk. "Remus Lupin and Sirius Black are _delicate_?"

"They're losing their best friend as a roommate!"

This time she didn't bother trying to hold back. She burst out into laughter. "You are such a girl."

I pouted, a slow frown breaking out on my face. I placed the parchment back on my desk, staring at it sadly. "We've been roommates for ten years," I said softly. "It's just going to be..."

"Different?" she interrupted.

I nodded.

"I know the feeling, James," she pointed out cautiously. "You three are best friends and I know it's not going to be the same when you don't live with them anymore. Believe me, I get it. When Kay moved out of my flat, it felt empty for a long time. But-"

"I knew there was a but," I whined.

She flashed me a sympathetic smile. "Moving in with Lance was the next step in her life, so of course I was going to support her. And Sirius and Remus are going to support you, too."

"I know that," I muttered. "It's not about support. It's about...about..." Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure what it was about.

She shrugged knowingly. "It's about you not wanting to lose that brotherly bond you have with them."

Damn, she knew me well. "Maybe. Does that make me sound completely wussy?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Not at all. You three have been through a lot. It's natural to feel just a tad panicked at the thought of moving on."

She was right. I knew that I was really going to miss having Sirius and Remus around all the time. When I wasn't at work or with Lily, I was constantly goofing off with them and making memories that would last us a lifetime. I didn't know if I was ready to move on from all that.

But at the same time, there's no one I'd rather move on with than Lily.

I wandered over to where Lily was lying in the bed and leaned over the bed to give her a short, yet sweet, kiss. "You know I love you, right?" I whispered, touching my forehead to hers.

"I know," she whispered, framing my face with her hands and pressing her lips gently against mine. She patted the bed beside her. "Come to bed and stop practicing a speech to relay to the guys. You sound way too rehearsed," she said. "Oh, and I'm pretty sure you giving them the idea to move in with Keegan will just make them hate you and not want to support you. Well, with Sirius at least."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Hey, just trying to add a bit of humor to a difficult situation."

"I know," she said with a smile. "Now seriously, your side of the bed is getting cold and I'm getting lonely."

I made a face. "I haven't perfected this speech yet!"

She groaned. "I say you go with the whole throwing-suitcases-at-them plan."

"As fun as that would be," I teased, kissing her forehead, "I think I'm going to stick with the speech plan."

She smiled. "They're lucky to have you as a friend, James."

"They're not going to think so when I kick them out on the streets."

She rolled her eyes at me. "It's going to take a lot more than me moving in with you to make them think badly of you."

"Let's hope so," I muttered, wandering back to my desk pensively. "Do you think I should add in a part about how we've been roommates for ten years?"

The ends of Lily's mouth twitched upwards. "You are so adorable."

"Thanks, but that's not really going to help me get this written." I winked at her.

She laughed and nestled into the bed with a stifled yawn, plumping up her pillow. "Well, get it written fast because watching you write a speech to the guys was not really how I planned on celebrating our decision to live together."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?" I said suspiciously. "And exactly what did you have planned?"

She smiled that temptuous smile she knows turns me on. "I didn't realize you needed me to spell it out for you," she whispered, her voice hoarse with seduction. She pulled off her tank top in a single swoop, exposing her perky breasts.

I threw down my quill immediately. "Speech can wait," I said hoarsely, pulling my T-shirt over my head and discarding it against the floor as I flew on to the bed, my eyes never leaving hers.

"I love you, James," she murmured, moving herself atop me as she pressed her lips lightly against my bare chest.

"I hope this is just a preview of what's to come, Miss _Roommate,"_ I whispered teasingly, my hands becoming tangled in her silky hair.

She chuckled, slowly meeting my gaze as her lips made their way up my neck and jawline until they perched just out of reach of my own lips. "I hope the key word in that sentence was _come_."

"Oh, it most definitely was," she spoke as our lips met in a fiery passion. It only took minutes before we were tangled naked in the sheets.

I couldn't help but think this whole moving in with each other plan was an excellent idea.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

"I don't know how to say this," James started slowly and nervously, "but Lily and I have decided it's time to move in together. I hope you can support this decision because both Lily and I are extremely excited about this. But sadly, this means that we can no longer be roommates. I can't imagine living in this house without you guys but it's time that I step up and take control of my future. Which ironically, you both hinted at last night out on the balcony. We've been living together for ten years now and it seems unreal to me that in just a few short weeks, I will no longer be able to call you my roommates. It won't be the same living here without you, but please know that I will help you in any way to find a new place to live. Hey, I hear Keegan needs a new roommate! I wish we could all live together, but I think it's time for me to grow up and focus on my relationship with Lily. I do hope this doesn't change anything between us because you guys will always be my best friends."

I stared back at him. "You made us stop our game of chess for _that?"_

"Promise me she won't try and change the game room," Sirius whined.

"I hope you realize your days of endless take-out are over. That girl's gonna want to eat some real food now and again."

"And there's no way in hell I'm moving in with Keegan. I'd be better off on the streets."

"You might want to call a cleaning company and get this place sterilized before she moves in. When was the last time we cleaned around here?"

_ "_And_ p__lease_ tell me you didn't practice that speech in front of a mirror," Sirius snickered.

James scowled, his brow furrowing in frustration. "I didn't practice in front of a mirror," he muttered.

Sirius and I both shot him a look.

"I just practiced with Lily," he said hastily, which caused Sirius and myself to break out into uncontainable laughter. "And I'm beginning to feel less guilty for making you two move out!"

I have no idea why, but that made us laugh even more. He was obviously a little frustrated that we weren't taking this seriously. And while I thought it was touching that James clearly feels so bad for the sudden change, Sirius and I knew this was a long time coming. It was James that needed the convincing, not us. Sirius and I had already discussed what to do when the time came for James to get his butt into gear and invite Lily to move in with him. We would be fine without him. Sad, yes. But fine.

"Bishop to C5," Sirius snickered, returning to our game of chess. (He was losing miserably. I have no idea why he always insisted on playing me when he always lost. Maybe he actually thought he'd beat me some day. That idea is laughable.)

James scowled. "I should have just thrown suitcases at you, demanded you start packing because Lily was moving in and left it at that," he muttered.

I shrugged. "You would have gotten this same reaction."

He slumped down in his chair. "I should really remember to listen to Lily's advice for future reference."

I had no idea what that was referring to, but my guess was Lily had suggested throwing suitcases at us and James still continued to plan out a speech. "Prongs, you moving in with Lily is a good thing," I reminded him as I moved my knight to C5. A yelp was heard from Sirius' bishop as its head was chopped off. "Don't worry about us. We'll find somewhere else to live."

"It better have a game room," Sirius grumbled. I had a feeling his grumbling had something to do with the fact that I was about to claim checkmate. "In fact, I claim the big-screen TV."

"You most certainly do not!" James argued. "I bought that myself!"

"Oh, yeah. Well, then I claim the foosball table."

"Again, bought that myself."

"Then I'm taking this wizarding chess board with me!"

"You suck at wizarding chess."

"Besides, this board is mine," I snickered.

"So pretty much, I'm getting screwed?"

"Yeah, pretty much," James responded.

Sirius slumped down. "I hope Lily hates living with you."

"Gee, thanks for the support."

The ends of Sirius' mouth turned upwards. "Well, I say this calls for a celebration!"

"You getting screwed calls for a celebration?" James teased.

Sirius glared at him. "I was more talking about you finally having enough balls to move in with your girlfriend of four years."

James rolled his eyes. "Okay, fine, we can celebrate that, too," he said, a smile spreading across his lips. His eyes were beaming with pride and I was surprised to realize that I was feeling overjoyed at the thought of James finally stepping up and taking his relationship to the next level. I knew how wary Lily had been feeling recently about James and I was grateful that James did something about it. Sadly, I couldn't help but remember that over a year ago, I had asked Jillian to move in with me. I can only hope that it works out for James and Lily more so than it did for me.

Because as weird as it sounded, those two are my last bit of hope in the world. With Sirius and myself destined to be alone, I was determined to see at least one of my friends get the happy ending he deserved.

* * *

**A/N: **More Sydny and more Keegan! And the best part: James and Lily are moving in together! Teasers for next chapter: evening at Blarney's, singing in the streets, and what's this about someone hitting on their cousins!?


	7. Of 2nd Cousins, Threats, & Playgrounds

**A/N: **Thanks for all the reviews! I know most of you are sighing in relief that Lily and Jamse are finally moving in together and I'm excited too! It's been a long time coming if you ask me. And oddly enough I got mixed reviews on Sydny - some of you love her and some of you hate her. When I was writing her I actually have a love-hate relationship with her but I just think that's who she is. One minute, you're laughing with her. The next, you're scowling at her. She's a pretty important character in this story so you'll definitely see a lot of her! But enough about last chapter - let's talk about this chapter. I have to say, this might be one of my favorite chapters I've written. It actually came pretty quickly and there wasn't much editing needed. SO I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. However, I am now the proud owner of _Casual Vacancy_!

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

Chapter 6: Of Second Cousins, Threats & Playgrounds

By ByeByeBirdie

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I was in Blarney's at least four times a week. I'm convinced that the bartenders think I'm an alcoholic. But I'm pretty sure I could care less what they think of me as long as they continue serving me.

"Oh, yeah, and you're going to have to get used to actually washing your sheets," Remus pointed out as he, James, and I meandered the streets towards Blarney's to apparently celebrate James' decision to move in with Lily. To be fair, we'll use any excuse to head to Blarney's so he could have come rushing through the door informing us he had contracted a deadly disease and he was dying in a week, and we'd still head off to Blarney's. "I hear bed bugs don't turn on the ladies."

"She is so going to make you learn how to cook," I joked. I grinned. "Remind me to remind _her_ to take photos of you in an apron."

"I think not," James muttered, rolling his eyes.

"She's probably going to force you to watch those sappy chick flicks of hers, too," Remus added. "I'd start carrying a box of tissues around with you."

"Don't you two ever shut up?" James whined.

"Maybe two boxes," Remus continued.

"I'm going to kill you both."

I flashed Remus a grin. We had spent the entire walk to Blarney's discussing long list of reasons why our best friend living with a girl will be amusing to us and potentially damaging to him. James is probably thinking right about now that he wished we had apparated.

Remus and I were having a little too much fun teasing James, but in all honesty, I was happy for him. And for Lily. In fact, I was surprised that they hadn't moved in together before now. We'd all been waiting for James to make the next move in his relationship with Lily. This will be a good thing for the two of them. I just hoped James realized that. I had been convinced four years ago that he was going to ask her to marry him so moving in together was happening four years later than I expected in all honesty.

"The next time we see Prongsie, he'll be sipping tea with his pinky finger stuck in the air," I commented.

"Probably wearing a dress, too," Remus added.

"I'm officially done celebrating with you two," James murmured, shaking his head. He strolled into Blarney's, rushing over to the bar immediately. Without hesitation, he put a few galleons on to the bar and said, "Strongest drink you have."

Beefcakes (I have no idea what his real name is but he really should be a bouncer not a bartender) turned to glance at James with a curious look. "Bad day, hm?"

"It wouldn't be so bad, but these two have been on my case all evening," he murmured, jerking his thumb in our direction.

"Case about what?" he asked as he reached for the firewhiskey.

"He's moving in with the girlfriend," Remus replied.

"Lily?" Beefcakes said, clearly shocked. "Wow, it's about time. I was convinced she was going to dump your sorry ass any day now."

James rolled his eyes. "I'll take the drink without the insults, please."

He chortled, pouring the firewhiskey into a glass and pushing it towards James. He grabbed two beers and uncapped them, handing them to me and Remus. He certainly knew us well. Although, I wished it was Melinda manning the bar. She was one hell of a looker and if she was in a good mood, she'd slip me a free drink now and again. "Well, then, you might want to steer clear of your usual table in the back of the bar. I'm pretty sure they will have a whirlwind of insults for you." He winked, collecting James' money and moving on to the group of girls beside us waiting to be served.

The three of us simultaneously turned our heads towards the large booth we frequently occupied, none of us all too surprised to see Lily, Keegan, Kay, Lance, and Fabian already sitting there. We wandered over that way.

"Fancy running into you here," James drawled, kissing Lily's cheek.

"Hey!" she greeted, scooting over to make room for the three of us. "What are you doing here?"

"Commiserating the end of Potter's bachelorhood," I chimed in with a cheeky grin.

I wasn't surprised when Lily threw a pretzel at me from the complimentary bowl at our table. "Last I checked, Potter hasn't been a bachelor in nearly four years."

I shrugged. "That's what you think."

James glared at me. "Okay, you can _shhh_ now!" he grumbled, making a face. The edges of his mouth were turned upward, however.

"When have I ever shhh'ed?"

"I don't know but you should really learn how to shhh."

"Why are we using shh has a verb?" Remus questioned.

"Because trying to come up with intelligent words is far too difficult of a task for these two," Keegan chimed in with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. "I'd argue, but let's face it, that's quite true," I retorted. I've learned that sometimes it's better to just play along than argue back when it comes to Keegan.

"Speak for yourself!" James responded.

I slowly peaked an eyebrow, skepticism crossing my expression. "You're moving in with a girl. You call that intelligent?"

"Hey!" Lily cried.

I laughed, taking a long swig of my beer. "I'm _kidding_," I said with a grin. "We came to Blarney's to celebrate you two, did we not?"

"I thought you were commiserating the end of James' bachelorhood," Lily mocked.

I rolled my eyes. "Are we going to make a toast or not?"

She grinned, raising her gin and tonic into the air. "A toast it is," she said. "Cheers!"

"To James and Lily," Kay toasted, all of us clinking glasses.

"Yeah, it's about damn time," I chimed in, earning a not-so-surprising slap to the back of my head. "Ow."

Lily grinned. "Stop being snide."

"But I'm so good at it," I said, winking playfully. I finished off my beer and hopped off the bar stool. "Alright, time to find me a girl!"

"When is it _not _time to find you a girl?" Remus snorted.

I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to come flirt or what? I see a pair of twins in the corner."

Remus hesitated, then shrugged. "Eh, why the hell not."

Lily groaned. "I thought we were here to celebrate me and James moving in together!"

I picked up my empty bottle and tapped it to her gin and tonic glass. "Congratulations, cheers, here's to you, good luck, and all of that other sentimental crap. Can I go hit on a hot girl now?"

Lily couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I can really feel your blessings emanating from within."

"I would have more blessings for you if you granted me permission to hit on a hot girl."

She rolled her eyes, the edge of her mouth turning up. "Permission granted."

Remus and I sauntered off, our eyes focused heavily on the twins in the corner. We didn't strike out, but we might as well as we left them behind and trudged back to our table a few minutes later, me feeling slightly disgusted as Remus laughed at my expense.

"Back so soon?" Keegan snorted. "What, got rejected?"

"_No_," I argued. "They weren't up to my standards."

Keegan glanced over my shoulders in the direction of the twins. "They have boobs. What's not up to your standards?"

I shot her a look and reached for James' drink, taking a swig as he argued for me to get my own drink. "There are hotter girls in this bar. They weren't good enough."

"Yeah, that, and he found out that they're his second cousins," said Remus.

I blanched as the entire table burst into uncontrollable laughter. "I thought we had promised to keep that a secret," I groaned.

"Eh, I lied."

"You were hitting on your _second cousins_?" Lance said, his eyes widening in amusement.

"I didn't know I was related to them!" I argued, their laughter drowning out the end of my sentence.

"What, you've hit on every other girl in England that you have to resort to hitting on your own blood relatives?" Fabian chuckled.

"The Black family is huge!" I protested. "How was I supposed to know they were my second cousins?"

"Doesn't make it any less funny," Keegan smirked. "Who knows how many girls you've fucked over the years that could have been related to you?"

I shuddered, glaring at her. "Thank you for putting that mental image in my head, Rouge."

"Being crude is what I'm here for," she retaliated with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. I was not in the mood to deal with her tonight. I had been in a conference all day regarding the upcoming Quidditch World Cup, learned I had to find a new place to live, and was hitting on someone related to me. The last thing I wanted was to get into a stupid argument with someone I could care less about. "I'm going to get another drink. Anyone need anything?"

"Gin and tonic," Lily requested.

"Whiskey sour," said Kay.

"Another beer," James said.

Lance quickly nodded. "Me, too."

"So, nothing then?" I said with a cheeky grin. "I was more just being polite."

"That's a new emotion for you," Keegan drawled.

I rolled my eyes at her (I seem to do a lot of that in her presence) and headed to the bar. Beefcakes was busy serving three clearly underage teenagers at the end of the bar, so I perched beside two very good-looking girls as I waited patiently my turn.

"Hey," I eventually drawled at them, smiling cheekily. "You girls mind waving the bartender over here. I think he'd be more susceptible to serving two good-looking ladies like you than a bloke like myself."

The two girls turned to me with curious eyes. I noticed them try to discreetly give me a once-over. "Does that line ever work?" the petite blonde asked.

"Depends how drunk the girl is," I said, winking.

"Does _that _line ever work?" the blue-eyed brunette retaliated with a matching cheeky grin.

"No, not usually."

The brunette giggled, but the blonde remained skeptical.

"How about this?" I suggested. "You let me buy you girls a drink and we'll figure out just which lines actually work on you."

The blonde held up her half-full beer. "I'm not in need of a drink."

I shrugged, glancing over at the brunette's nearly-empty fruity drink. Don't think I didn't notice her hurriedly trying to finish it off just seconds earlier. "Looks like you could use a refill."

"Perhaps," she said casually.

I smiled, glancing down the bar towards Beefcakes. He was still busy chatting up the underage females. "Clearly, this is going to take a while," I murmured, amusement shining in my eyes. "Why don't we start with your names in the meantime?"

"I have a boyfriend," the blonde said.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Hello, I-have-a-boyfriend, do you have a last name?"

She rolled her eyes. "Cute." There was a slight tug at the ends of her mouth. I think she was finally warming up to me.

I glanced towards the brunette, praying that she didn't have a boyfriend. "What about you?"

She smiled coyly, holding up her drink. "How about just a Sex on the Beach?"

"Hm, interesting. Did your parents name you for how you were conceived?"

She couldn't help but laugh, and I swear even the blonde was suppressing the urge to smile. "I'm Molly."

Uh-oh. Her name ended in 'y.' This could potentially be bad. I pretended not to notice. "Ahh, that sounds a tad more sensible," I said with a warm smile. "I'm Sirius."

"Well, clearly your parents didn't name you after your personality trait," she responded, wiggling her eyebrows teasingly.

I shook my head, grinning. "No, they definitely did not," I chuckled.

"Player would have been a better name," I-have-a-boyfriend said with a smirk.

"I prefer the word 'charming,'" I argued.

"Womanizer," she responded, a smile growing on her face.

"Suave," I retorted.

"Chauvinist."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Wow, you don't think very highly of me, do you?"

"You're picking up girls in a bar on a Tuesday night. I know guys like you," she responded, narrowing her eyes curiously.

"Oh, gee, I apologize for talking to a pair of very good-looking ladies while waiting for the bartender to notice me," I drawled sarcastically. I was finding this girl's snippy attitude somewhat alluring, not that I'd let her know that. "Next time, I'll try not to inconvenience you."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're quite sassy?" she asked. I could have sworn a smile was playing on her lips.

"Surprisingly, yes," I retaliated with a smile. "I get that at least once a day from my friends."

"And you still have friends?" Molly chimed in, irritation flickering in her eyes. I had a feeling she didn't appreciate the witty banter occurring between me and her friend. "That's impressive."

"Well, my charming, suave ways win them over in the end," I said with a cheeky grin.

They both laughed and I could tell that I had won them both over as well. I glanced down at I-have-a-boyfriend's now-empty beer. "Looks like you're now in need of that drink," I said, finally grabbing Beefcakes' attention. As he wandered over to me, I snuck a curious peek at the two females. "Before I buy you that beer and Sex on the Beach, do you mind if I ask a question?"

They nodded.

"Neither one of you are related to the Black family, are you?"

* * *

**++FABIAN++**

"My money's on the blonde," I said, glancing towards the bar where Sirius was sitting. It was one of our favorite games to play at Blarney's: Who Will Sirius Go Home With?

"No way," Lily argued. "That skeptical look is the same look Keegan gives him."

"Ah, that's why she looks familiar," Keegan chimed in.

"I'm putting my money on the brunette," Lily said, ignoring her roommate.

"But the blonde poises more of a challenge to Sirius. You know how much he loves a challenge," James reminded her.

"But the brunette is cuter," Lance argued.

Kay smacked him on the shoulder.

"Er…I meant…I meant…uh…you look pretty today?"

"Smooth," James teased.

Lance flashed Kay a sheepish grin. She simply rolled her eyes, the ends of her mouth tugging upwards.

After asking Keegan for a pen, I grabbed a cocktail napkin and wrote 'blonde' and 'brunette' at the top. "So we have two for the blonde and two for the brunette? Remus? Keegan? Place your bets now."

Remus glanced back over at the bar. "I'm going to have to go with James on this one. Blonde."

Keegan rolled her eyes. "Does it matter? They're both most likely going to give him an STD."

Our table erupted into laughter and I gave her a look. I had no idea why Keegan disliked Sirius so much, but I had a feeling that neither did she. "Oh, just pick one," I said with a smile.

She shrugged. "I guess I'll make it even and pick the brunette."

I nodded and scribbled our names on the sheet of paper under our respective choices as everyone else reached into their pockets for two galleons (our standard bet) to place on the table.

I kept an eye on Sirius while Kay changed the subject. "So, who's coming to the St. Mungo's charity event on Saturday?"

"We'll be there," James whined, nodding towards me. "As Aurors, we're expected to put in an appearance at all the wizarding events that Scrimgeour deems highly reputable. I guess this one is included."

"Yeah, who knew that raising money to fund the new _children's_ ward at St. Mungo's would be considered respectable?" Lily drawled sarcastically, smiling up at her boyfriend.

"Oh, is that what the event is for?" James asked innocently.

Lily smacked him.

He laughed. "What? We get so many bloody memos from Scrimgeour, I don't even read half of them!"

"I know," Lily said, her eyes displaying amusement. "You see the word 'event' in bold and you toss it in my direction so that I can buy our two tickets."

James grinned, kissing the side of her face. "Hey, you're the one who actually likes going to these events."

"Oh, please, Mr. _Auror of the Year_," Lance chimed in, giving one of his oldest friends a look. "I'm pretty sure schmoozing comes second nature to you."

"I blame my parents and all of those stupid New Year's Eve balls we held in our ballroom."

"I love how he says 'our ballroom' so casually," Keegan snorted. "As if everyone has a ballroom in their home."

James snickered, shrugging sheepishly. "Again, you can blame my parents for that one. Mom was the one who gave me the Manor when I was only eighteen."

"Oh, yes, and living there hasn't given you a big head at all," she said sarcastically. But there was a smile on her face. She glanced over at Lily. "Promise me your ego will remain in check when you move in."

Lily grinned. "I can't promise that. Remember, he not only has a ballroom, but he has a pool!"

We all laughed. "Okay, fine," Keegan sighed. "But I hope you don't mind me crashing by that pool every day in July and August."

"Deal."

"Ahem, don't I get a say?" James whined.

Lily glanced at him, amused. "You're telling me that Sirius won't always be crashing at our place due to the big-screen TV, foosball table, and fully-stocked refrigerator?"

James hesitated, narrowing his eyes in scrutiny. "You're right, we'll never be able to get rid of him."

"And when was the last time that refrigerator was fully stocked?" Lance snorted.

"It will be when I'm there!" Lily said.

James grinned. "I'm really going to like this whole living-with-a-girl thing."

"Ah, it all makes sense now," I spoke, laughter rolling off my tongue. "You just asked Lily to move in with you for the benefits of _real food_."

"No," James argued, giving me a look. "That was only about two-thirds of the reason."

None of us were all too surprised when Lily smacked him. "The other third better be because you love me."

James smiled sheepishly. "We'll talk later."

"Don't make me smack you again."

James laughed and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "You know I love you," he whispered, reaching over to squeeze her hand. They shared a smile, and I couldn't help but smile myself. Sometimes their relationship amazed me. Nearly four years later, they still acted like lovesick teenagers. They were still very affectionate with each other, sharing kisses during stolen moments and holding hands under the table and giving each other looks of gratitude and adoration. They made loving someone look so easy. But glancing over at Remus, Sirius, and even Keegan, I was reminded how difficult it could really be. Not to say I didn't enjoy being with Keegan, but she had always been really good at keeping her heart at a distance. Not just from me. From all of us.

My thoughts were interrupted when Lance spoke. "Hey, the blonde's walking away!"

All of our heads swiveled to the bar where, sure enough, the blonde girl was disappearing into the crowd, leaving Sirius alone with the brunette.

"Alright!" Keegan cried out. "Black may be an idiot, but I certainly enjoy when I can make money off of him." She reached into the pot and grabbed four galleons, dispersing the other eight evenly to Lily and Lance.

"Agreed," Lance said with a grin. He hesitated. "On the money part. Not the idiot part."

Five pairs of amused, skeptical eyes stared back at him.

He chuckled. "You're right. I agree on both counts." He hopped out of the booth, holding up his empty beer. "Considering Sirius jipped us, it's time for another drink. Anyone want anything?"

"Gin and tonic," Lily requested.

"Whiskey sour," said Kay.

"Another beer," James said.

"Cosmopolitan," Keegan chimed in.

I grinned. "Rum and coke."

Lance stared at us blankly. "You guys do realize I don't have six arms, right? I'm coming back with my beer and a whiskey sour for Kay. Sorry, the rest of you are shit outta luck."

Kay grinned while Lily rolled her eyes. "We call that favoritism, Gilmore," she whined.

"No, we call that Lance-ain't-getting-any-tonight-if-he-doesn't-please-his-ladyism," James said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kay slowly raised an eyebrow. "Be glad my drink is empty, or you'd be getting a little bit of whiskey and a lot of sour on that crisp white shirt of yours."

James couldn't help but laugh as Kay slid out of the booth. "I'll come help, Lance. Although maybe we don't buy James a beer."

"Hey!" he whined.

"And that's what we call _non_-favoritism," Lance snickered as he grabbed a hold of Kay's hand and headed towards the bar. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them join Sirius and the brunette, who looked like she may have had one too many drinks. Then again, that's how Sirius liked his women: full of alcohol.

My ears perked up when I heard Lily ask Remus about future living arrangements. "Do you and Sirius plan on living together still?"

Remus nodded. "As far as I know, yeah. Makes the most sense I think."

"Y'know," Lily started slowly. "The couple that lived across the hall from us just moved out a few weeks ago. You and-"

"Hell no!" Keegan interrupted, shooting Lily a glare. "First, you're moving out. Now, you're suggesting that _Sirius Black _becomes my neighbor. Did I do something to piss you off?"

Lily laughed. "Hey, it was merely a suggestion. The landlord and I are good friends. And since I've been living in that building for three years, I know that he could give them a good rate."

"Ooh, good rate?" Remus said, sitting upright. I knew that his job didn't pay well (and as a Quijudge, neither did Sirius'), so 'good rate' probably sounded pretty damn good to him.

"No, she's lying," Keegan said quickly, pouting. "The wizarding economy sucks. If anything, they'd inflate the rate."

"Wasn't it just yesterday morning that one of the headlines in the _Daily Prophet _was 'The Booming Wizarding Economy Continues to Grow?'" James asked.

Keegan glared at him. "Do you just read the _Daily Prophet_ to throw headlines back in my face?"

"Sometimes, yes."

Keegan glanced down at her empty cosmopolitan. "I really wish I hadn't finished this already or you'd be dealing with a very nice _pink _stain on that white shirt of yours."

"Wow, two threats of drinks being thrown in your face in a matter of minutes," I teased. "Must be a record for you."

"This is James Potter we're talking about," Remus pointed out.

"Good point. Two threats are most likely barely a blip on his radar."

James shrugged. "It's true," he said with a cheeky grin. He gestured his thumb to Lily beside him. "This one alone claims she's going to throw a drink in my face at least twice a day."

Lily laughed. "It's going to be more now that I'll be living with you."

"Oh, great," he murmured.

"If I were you," Remus said, "I would try to remember to keep another shirt handy at all times."

"Or two," I added with a grin.

As another round of laughter filled the table, Remus nodded towards the bar. "Why is it that we can't go anywhere without Sirius snogging some girl in public?"

We all swiveled our heads to see, sure enough, Sirius and the brunette making out on the dance floor. "That is so wrong," Keegan murmured, making a face.

James shrugged, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. "No, it looks like he's doing it right."

Keegan shot him a look. "Okay, fine, that is so _disturbing_."

"Like you and Fabian here haven't had your own share of public snogs?" Lily snorted, giving her roommate a look. "And I'm pretty sure 'public _snog'_ is actually under-exaggerating."

I grinned. "She makes a damn good point." I glanced over at Keegan who simply shrugged casually, not letting it faze her. That was what had really drawn me to her in the first place. Her relaxed attitude and her inability to feel embarrassed. She made everything look so easy and I had never seen even the slightest bit of temper flare from her. The only person that has ever even ruffled her feathers was Sirius. I had yet to determine why, but it didn't bother me. Nowadays, Sirius Black could be a difficult person to appreciate. I think the rest of us have just known him for so long that we're accustomed to his smug ways. "How about we practice one of those public snogs now?" I teased, giving Keegan a suggestive look.

She laughed and shrugged. "I do love this song," she teased. She grabbed my hand and with a dismissive wave to the others (who were all groaning), headed out to the dance floor with me right behind me. Seeing as it was a Tuesday, the bar wasn't too crowded, but there were still a number of people on the dance floor. The music was probably our favorite part parts of coming to Blarney's. It was one of the few wizarding bars in the area and thankfully we actually could sing along to the music and order our favorite drinks.

"So how do you feel about Lily moving out?" I asked.

A frown crease formed between her knitted brows. "I don't know."

"Oh, yes, please don't hold back," I teased.

She smirked as I twirled her around. "It'll be…" she trailed off.

I frowned slowly, sensing discouragement and disappointment in her expression. "It'll be what, babe?" I asked softly.

"Different."

"You're being vague again."

She cracked a smile. "I don't want anything to change."

"What would change?"

She didn't respond, humming under her breath to the Weird Sisters song that just came on. I could tell she was trying hard to act supportive of Lily and James, but she was definitely feeling down. It was clear she was trying to hide her disappointment. That's one thing that Keegan did rather well: hide her true emotions. "Nothing, never mind."

I instinctively brushed a strand of hair from Keegan's face, an intimate gesture that brought her eyes up to lock with mine. "Hey, what's wrong?" I said softly.

"Nothing."

I gave her a look. "Yes, there is."

She frowned. "Look, I'm used to people leaving by now," she murmured, stepping out of my grasp with a stony look. "I've become accustomed to big changes occurring. Change pretty much sums up my entire life."

"Whoa, no one is _leaving_," I argued, recognizing that by 'leaving' she really meant 'abandoning.' "Lily's just moving elsewhere."

She simply shrugged. "Same thing."

I stopped dancing, frowning. "Are you afraid that you're not going to be friends with her anymore? That by Lily moving in with James, you're-"

"No, I'm just…" she interrupted, turning her gaze away from mine. I could see frustration building up inside of her. I just wasn't sure if it was directed at me or directed at herself. "I just know that with moving comes change. That's all."

There was that vagueness again. I had a feeling she was referring to her last boyfriend who I knew she had lived with for quite some time before they broke up. Those are pretty much the only details I know, however. She doesn't talk about her past much. It bugged me at times, but I've learned to realize that it's a lot easier for Keegan to attempt to be optimistic when focusing solely on the future. I had no idea what her past included, but it was enough to make her never want to look back. A part of me understood it. The part that lost my brother by the hands of Death Eaters. The part that saw danger and violence in my everyday work. The part that has witnessed the rise of Voldemort and his followers. I recognized tragedy. And I saw it on Keegan's face every time I looked at her. "You're right," I murmured. "Change is inevitable. Like how you're going to be stuck with me a lot more now that you're roommate-less."

She couldn't help but laugh and I saw that flicker of fear and frustration immediately disappear from her eyes. "Hm, y'know, that might be change I can live with," she joked, grabbing my hand to get me to attempt to dance again.

"_Might be_?"

She laughed. "Hey, a girl needs some independence as well," she teased.

"Is that what you said to your last boyfriend?" The words were out of my mouth before I realized I was saying them and I regretted them instantly.

She narrowed her eyes, letting go of my hand immediately. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I cringed. "Nothing." I shook my head guiltily. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"But you did," she argued. "So clearly it meant something."

"No, really, it doesn't," I said pleadingly. And honestly, it didn't. I knew how much it bothered here when I tried to pry past information about her, and for now, I was okay letting it go. We may have been dating for quite some time, but we were still learning a lot about each other. We were both private people and it took a lot for either one of us to open up. In the beginning, I liked that. I liked just having fun and not getting terribly personal too fast. But now, I wondered exactly where we were headed. I didn't ask her, however. Sometimes it was just easier being in the dark. "I was just thinking about your last roommate situation and he popped into my head. That's all."

"Oh, gee, I'm glad that my ex-boyfriend is popping into my current boyfriend's head." Sarcasm dripped from her every word.

I sighed testily. "I'm sorry I brought it up," I murmured.

"Oh, yeah, that sounded sincere."

"I _am_ sorry," I protested, giving her a look. I shrugged curtly. "I shouldn't be, but I am."

"Okay, and what is _that _supposed to mean?"

I pursed my lips hesitantly. "It just means you seem to like to keep your past very private. Which is fine except-"

"There's a reason it's called the _past_," she interrupted coolly.

"I know," I retorted. "I know all about keeping the past in the past, Keegan. I get it. I just-"

"There isn't anything to get, Fabian," she interrupted, her eyes blazing with defensiveness.

I frowned. "Clearly there is."

A flicker of fear shone in her eyes. "I don't want to talk about my ex-boyfriend or the past, Fabian. I don't want-"

"You never do."

"So? You don't talk about your ex-girlfriends or _your _past. So why am I the one being interrogated?"

"I'm not trying to interrogate you," I muttered with a sigh. Although, she had a point. She wasn't the only one who kept the past in the past. The difference was, she never asked about mine. "I'm just trying to get to know you."

"You _do _know me, Fabian," she said pleadingly. "You know me in the present and you will know me in the future. Can't that be enough?"

I wanted it to be. I just wasn't so sure it could be. But I found myself nodding, not sure why I brought any of this up in the first place. She always grew so tense when I asked her any questions regarding the past and we inevitably ended up annoyed with each other. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

She didn't respond. She simply stepped back into my arms and I forced out a smile. I loved being with her. But I was afraid that at times, she didn't love being with me.

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

I knew that I often became overly sensitive whenever Fabian (or anyone) tried to dredge up the past. But anyone with my past probably would. If I didn't focus on my future, I would get stuck living with the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens. I had lived in a world of those questions three and a half years ago. I escaped those questions by escaping France and by escaping myself. And I try not to look back. I usually don't. But when the questions and concerns start being asked by the guys I'm dating, I start to panic. In part because it was too painful thinking about my past. But it was because I would start to ask the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens again. Until I break up with the guy because I can't handle the prodding anymore. And then the cycle begins again.

Truth is, I've been with Fabian longer than a lot of guys from my past. Damien and Tristan excluded. (I tried to ignore the pang in my heart as I thought of Tristan). But Fabian seemed to really understand how much I hated opening up about my past. He rarely questioned me about it and didn't expect much from me. I liked knowing that I could have my fun with Fabian without wondering when our expiration date was. It was easy being with him. Comfortable. And I liked comfortable. I didn't want to screw that up.

Actually, I didn't want to screw anything up. I've lost a number of friends over the years from break-ups. Not just the guys themselves, but their friends as well. With Lily moving out and Fabian starting to wonder more about me, I was afraid it might be time for me to just break up with Fabian and start anew. Starting anew was something I excelled in. I've moved more times than I could really count in the past four years. I was impressed that I was able to keep a steady job at the _Daily Prophet _for the past two and a half years, if we're being frank. Then again, I've learned not to hang out much with my coworkers outside the office. I don't mix business with personal if i can truly avoid it.

Then again, I could barely mix personal with personal. I've done such a damn good job at keeping the first nineteen years of my life a complete mystery to those around me now, I've even begun to wonder who I was anymore.

* * *

**++KAY++**

I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I know that my life has turned out so much better than I ever could have expected. I know that happiness was often hard to come by during a time of tumultuous war and yet I couldn't have been happier with my life. But while I knew all this, it was always great to be reminded.

As we trudged out of Blarney's around midnight, our joyous laughter led the way. Keegan's arm was snaked around Fabian's waist as his arm draped comfortably around her shoulders. Lily and James strolled hand-in-hand, stealing kisses every few seconds as they trailed behind the group. I somehow found myself riding piggyback on Lance's back as he occasionally twirled around with an impish smile as I groaned. Sirius meandered ahead of the group calling out over his shoulder to us to hurry our lazy coupley asses (his words, not mine) while Remus shook his head in disbelief at his tipsy best friend and roommate.

"Tonight was fun," Remus spoke up, ignoring Sirius' continual groaning rant. "I'm always in favor of an impromptu Blarney's run."

"You're starting to sound like Sirius," Lily giggled, resting her head on her boyfriend's shoulder as she gripped his hand even tighter if that was even possible. It was as if she were afraid if she let go, James might rescind his offer of her moving in with him.

"Oh, Merlin," Remus muttered with mock horror. "I am, aren't I? I take it back. I hate impromptu Blarney's runs."

"I can still hear you, y'know!" Sirius cried out, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and whirling around to glare at him, hands on hips. "There are worse things to be besides me, my old friend Moony!"

"Really? I can't think of one," Keegan spoke up with a cheeky grin.

Sirius rolled his eyes at her. "Face it, Rouge. You had fun tonight. Even with my presence."

Before Keegan could come up with some sort of witty retort, Lily chimed in. "Of course we had fun," she spoke, a coy smile flaring. "It's always fun to watch you make a fool out of yourself, Sirius. Make sure to say hi to your second cousins from us the next time you flirt with them, okay?"

Sirius scowled. "Oh, you want to mess with me, hm?" he retaliated, throwing back his head and laughing as he immediately started rushing towards her with an impish look on his face.

Lily shrieked and let go of James' hand, hastily removing herself out of Sirius' way as she darted behind Lance and myself in order to use us as her shield. She attempted to flit one way while Sirius was darting the other way and I slid off Lance's back when we both lost momentum. Lily let out a cross between a squeal and a laugh as she suddenly took off through the empty streets, Sirius quickly behind her. "LEARN TO TAKE A JOKE!" I called out after them, the rest of us laughing at the scene unfolding in front of us.

"Merlin, such children we have to deal with," Lance sighed overdramatically, a cheeky grin on his face.

"Well, yeah, this is Sirius Black we're talking about," I pointed out with a laugh.

"Think we should go after them?" Fabian chimed in, the laughter still resting in his eyes.

"Looks like Sirius has got it handled pretty well," Lance chuckled as we watched Sirius finallycatch up to Lily and teasingly tackle her to the grass surrounding a school playground. Even in the dark I could tell he was now attacking her with a tickling frenzy based off the cackles coming from him and the joyous shrieks escaping Lily's mouth.

When I glanced towards James, I was oddly moved by the smile on his face. He looked happy. And it had been a long time since I can remember seeing him truly happy.

"Tickling the girl into a coma won't make me change my mind about moving in with her!" James cried out, glancing at all of us in amusement before jogging over to his best friend and girlfriend.

"Save me!" Lily's voice rang out, peals of laughter quickly following.

"C'mon, that playground is calling our names," Remus chuckled, shrugging as he followed his best friend to the night-covered playground.

"I call the swings!" Lance shouted, hoisting me once again atop his back as he rushed after Remus.

"Ooh, a seesaw!" Keegan laughed, grabbing Fabian's hand and chasing after us.

I could blame the alcohol that coursed through all of our veins but I had a feeling it had more to do with the fact that we were all enjoying just living in the moment. We have all had those times where we lived in fear of the future or where we lived regretfully of the past. But that night, that late night where the half-moon was the only light on the playground to illuminate our way and all we had to think about was each other goofing off in a playground, I knew it was all about the present. And in the present, it felt good just being happy.

Once James was done wrestling Sirius playfully, the two of them and Lily found themselves playing on the monkey bars. I saw James gaze around at the group, just as I was doing from the swings, while he casually leaned up against the monkey bar ladder. He rolled his eyes but let out a laugh as Sirius and Lily competed vigorously against each other to get across the monkey bars. Which was amusing to watch seeing as the both of them could just as easily have walked across the cedar chips on the ground considering the monkey bars were only four feet off the ground.

"We're all going to be okay, aren't we?" I heard James say, his voice getting stuck in the vast air. If I hadn't been paying attention to him, I probably wouldn't have heard it either. But it was weird seeing him so happy. And I was thrilled.

"What was that!?" Keegan cried out from the seesaw.

James chuckled and cried out, "Things really are going to be okay, aren't they? We're going to survive this?"

He didn't have to explain what 'this' was. To us, we knew he just meant life. And there were plenty of times we questioned if we would ever be able to survive it. Survive ourselves, survive our fears, survive love and our relationships, and inevitably, survive the war.

Keegan and Fabian shared a meaningful look. Even I turned towards Lance who was grinning from ear to ear as he reached over from his swing to grab ahold of my hand. Remus smiled as he slid down the plastic winding slide, and Lily disqualified herself from the contest against Sirius and sauntered over to her boyfriend, kissing his cheek and grabbing his hand.

Sirius jumped down from the monkey bars as well, a suggestive smile on his face. Uh-oh. I knew that look. He was about to do something completely stupid and childish.

"'At first I was afraid,'" he sang, teasingly linking arms with Lily and James. "'I was petrified! Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.'"

"You have a horrible singing voice, Padfoot!" Remus shouted from the bottom of the slide as he groaned while his friend attempted to sing "I WIll Survive."

"'But then I spent so many nights,'" he continued, flipping Remus off, "'Just thinking how you did me wrong. And I grew strong. And I learned how to get along!' Well, Lily? Take it away!"

"You've heard me sing, Sirius," she said dryly. "The bluebirds sleeping in the trees right now would drop dead at the first note. And, may I add, you are so drunk right now." She grinned.

"Yes, I am!" he teased, grabbing her hand and forcing her to dance with him. She laughed as he started the song up again. "'And so you're back! From outerspace! I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face!'"

"'I should have changed that stupid lock. I should have made you leave your key. If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me!'" Lance cried out in between his laughs. I turned to him, shocked.

"Oh, no, not you, too," I groaned with an amused smile.

He merely grinned and grabbed my hand. "Come dance with me."

"You are drunk, too," I giggled, but I gladly obliged. I couldn't remember the last time any of us had this much fun.

"Nope, just happy," he whispered, leaning over to kiss me before twirling me around and continuing the song. "Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now, 'cause you're not welcome anymore!"

With a single look, Keegan and Fabian joined in, rushing off the seesaw and doing a fake tango as their laughs chorused together harmoniously. "'Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye. Did you think I'd crumble,'" they sang together. "Did you think I'd lay down and die!"

And suddenly, I couldn't help myself. None of us could. As the couples twirled each other around playfully, the guys dipping the girls and the girls giggling like school children (perfect setting for that, I guess), while Remus and Sirius sat atop the monkey bars with wide grins on their faces, all of our voices rang together (though some a tad more off-key than others), conviction and determination in every single one of our tones. "'Oh no not I! I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive! I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give, and I'll survive. I will survive! Hey, hey!"

Happy tears sprang to my eyes as I took a look around at my friends and realized how far we've all come. James and Lily were finally moving in together, Remus was slowly getting over his horrible break-up with Jillian, Sirius was wearing a real smile - a smile I hadn't seen from him in quite some time, Keegan and Fabian looked more adorable today than they did when they were first dating, Lance and I were booking our own honeymoon and getting one step closer to our happy ending, and for once, Riley was a mere distant memory. As Lance dipped me and kissed me with a sense of overwhelming adoration, I felt relief filling every crevice as my heart at the realization that all of us _will _survive. We had to.

Just like James had said, maybe, _just maybe,_ things were going to be okay with all of us. And it was the first time in four years I really felt like that may be true.

* * *

**A/N: **Aww, bonding moment! A shorter chapter but I hope you enjoyed this fun-filled group Blarney's outing. At this point, I'm really just trying to set up every couple and and every friendship in a cohesive way before we dive into the dark stuff. Because let's face it - we all know the dark stuff has to come. They're in the middle of a war and James/Lily have to encounter Voldemort three times at some point before they die. On top of that, there are a lot of people in this story that don't exist in J.K. Rowling's world so...well, sadly, I'm sure you all know what that means. Please review!

Up next: Ministry events, more Sydny, and what is a frying pan being used for if not for cooking?


	8. Of Events, Insight, & Frying Pans

**A/N: **Alright, it's time to answer the two questions that I've been getting the most. 1 - is Riley coming back? I'm going to give you the very short answer: yes. But that's it! No more hints. 2 - is James going to cheat on Lily with Sydny? Another short answer: _absolutely not_. Again, nothing more to add to that. And now moving on to chapter 8. This isn't as "fun" as the previous chapters. Still some jokes (what's a chapter without jokes?) but a lot of serious conversations are included as well. There's a lot in this chapter that sets up the rest of the story so I hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I can wish all I want, but I'm never turning into J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 7: Of Events, Insight, & Frying Pans

* * *

**++LANCE++**

I flung myself on to the bed with a whimper. "Don't make me go," I begged, peeking an eye out towards Kay.

She rolled her eyes, swatting me with the towel she just had wrapped around her hair. "Oh right, and make you endure the wrath of your Gran when she finds out you skived off one of the most important charity events of the year to earn money for a new pediatric wing?"

"How important are the children really?" I grumbled, scrunching up my nose in protest. I was joking and Kay knew that, but I could just imagine what Gran would have to say if she overheard me saying things like that. To her, giving back to charity was the show of someone remarkable and distinguished. Being philanthropic was something Gran thrived upon. On top of being a busybody, of course.

"Uh, pretty important," Kay responded, glancing amusedly through the mirror at me. "Kids _are _in our future, y'know."

I smiled. "I couldn't imagine a better future," I said, meeting her gaze. Five years ago, the idea of children would have scared the hell out of me and now I was welcoming the idea. I was so in love with the girl standing in front of me, that's for sure.

I slowly climbed off the bed and headed over to where she was standing to wrap my arms around her shoulders from behind. I drew her in and kissed the side of her face, trailing kisses down her jawline towards her exposed neck. "Mm, we should practice the baby-making process in the meantime."

She giggled. "Our friends are going to be here in thirty minutes," she whispered, her eyes fluttering closed at the feel of my soft lips on hers.

"Oh, good, that leaves us about twenty minutes," I joked, running my fingers through her wet, tangled hair.

"Lance," she whined. "I need-"

I didn't let her finish that sentence, pressing my lips hungrily to hers. Four years later, I still couldn't get enough of her.

Twenty minutes later, I was scrambling around for my discarded clothing while Kay shooed into the bathroom to quickly dry her hair complaining that she had no time to finish getting ready.

I chucked my work robes into the back of our closet, all the while grabbing my best dress robes to throw on for tonight's event. We looked like schoolchildren, running around so as not to get caught in the crossfire of our friends' amused interrogations.

Too late.

"Knock, knock!"

I froze as I heard Lily's voice cry out downstairs. Minutes later, I heard footsteps on the stairwell. "Damn Lily Evans for always being so punctual," I muttered. I cried out into the bathroom, "Couldn't you have made friends with people who show up late?"

She peeked her head out hesitantly, quirking an eyebrow. "You mean like your sister?"

A chortle escaped my lips, ignoring the sadness in her tone. My sister did always know how to be fashionably late. I learned that if I tell her to meet me somewhere at 10:00 AM, that really meant 11:00 in her mind. "No time for jokes, Richards!"

She chuckled and shut the door behind her. I heard rustling and knew she was hastily trying to squeeze into her dress. I threw on my own dress robes in haste, hoping all of the buttons and buttonholes matched up.

"Knock, knock!"

I swore and threw on my tie, heading to the bedroom door. Let's hope I looked somewhat put together. "Hey, guys!" I greeted with an over-exaggerated smile. "Wow, Lily, you look amazing."

She smiled hesitantly, looking at me curiously. "Why, thank you. You look…er…well…"

I cringed. "Like a hot mess?" I snickered, earning a laugh from both James and Lily. "Yeah, we're running a bit behind schedule at the moment."

James snickered, glancing behind my shoulder. "Based on the disheveled bed and your shirt hanging on the nightstand, I'm pretty sure I know why."

I chuckled embarrassedly, glancing behind me at the shirt I had left behind. "Oops?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Why is that no one nowadays can keep it in their pants?"

James laughed, amused by my curious gaze. "She walked in on Sirius last night."

Lily shuddered. "Don't remind me."

"And why, per se, were you walking into Sirius' room without knocking?"

"He wasn't in his room, he was downstairs in the library!"

I couldn't help but laugh. "What, the walk up the stairs was too far for him?"

"Apparently," she drawled dryly.

I grinned as I attempted to button myself up neatly this time. "We have a fully stocked mini-fridge downstairs. You guys want anything?"

"Yes, please!" Lily said immediately. "If not for the sole reason of hoping to forget the horrible mental image of Sirius half-naked with a girl."

"So, basically, make you a strong one?"

She grinned. "You know me well. Kay in the bathroom?"

I nodded. "Yep. Meet you downstairs?"

James followed me downstairs as I pestered him about what Lily possibly could have witnessed the night before. He was laughing too hard to really describe it.

"Poor Lily. She'll never look at a library the same." I laughed. "You want a beer? Firewhiskey? Cosmopolitan?'

He looked at me, amused. "You know how to make a cosmopolitan?"

I snickered. "It's Kay's favorite drink. But don't ask me to make anything else fruity. It will probably end up killing you."

He chuckled. "I think I'll stick with a beer."

"Good choice." I headed into our refrigerator and tossed him a beer before grabbing one for myself. I started mixing a few cosmopolitans for Kay and Lily and glanced towards the stairwell. "So how long do you think those two will take? Twenty minutes? Thirty? Two hours?"

James laughed. "Knowing those two, closer to two hours."

I groaned. "I despise these charity events. Why even pretend it's for charity? We all know these events are mostly for all of the pretentious, prestigious witches and wizards who want to stuff themselves into one room and talk about how much money they have while getting sloshed."

"Hey, we happen to be two of those prestigious wizards," James pointed out with a chuckle.

"Maybe you are," I said, giving him a look. "But the moment I defied my grandmother's wishes to join the Ministry and instead opened a bookstore, my prestige has gone way down."

"You're still a Gilmore," James reminded me.

I made a face. "Do you think I could take Kay's surname when we marry?"

James couldn't help but laugh. "How rebellious of you." He took a seat on the couch as I finished up mixing the girls' drinks in the pitcher. "So, Australia, hm?"

I glanced behind me and noticed his eyes resting on the Australia guide books. "Yeah," I murmured, meeting his curious gaze. "It's supposed to be beautiful."

"It is."

I glanced at him, confused.

"I was there two years ago on our Auror training mission."

"Oh, right."

"Can I ask you something?"

Here it goes. "Yeah."

"Why did you choose Australia?"

I sighed, turning around to face him. "It has nothing to do with my sister."

He frowned. "I never said it did."

"It's what you're thinking, though," I argued.

He didn't respond.

"Look, James," I sighed. "I have always wanted to go to Australia. So has Kay. We were going to go on a Mediterranean cruise, but I eventually insisted on Australia. I just didn't think it was fair to have our decision swayed by the mere fact that a girl who disappeared four years ago just happens to be living _somewhere _in Australia. Australia is huge. It's not like we're going to run into her."

"Your chances of running into her would be decreased if you went on that cruise," he pointed out.

I shot him a look. "James."

He winced. "Sorry," he said with a sigh. "You're right. It just…" he trailed off, his brow furrowing curiously. "I wish things had turned out differently, that's all."

"Don't we all," I murmured.

He gazed up at me, his eyes full of regret. "Are you going to go to Hainabel or Crockit?"

Hainabel and Crockit were the only two strictly wizarding towns in Australia. Most wizards and witches in Australia ended up cohabitating in Muggle towns due to the lack of wizarding towns. "No," I said, shaking my head. "Kay would much rather see koala bears and kangaroos than other witches and wizards."

That got him to crack a smile. "I'm sorry. I know it's not my place to question your motives."

I shrugged. "My guess is you rock-paper-scissored it with the gang about who was going to talk to me about it and you lost out."

He made a face. "You know us so well."

I let out a curt laugh, but there was still hesitance in my eyes.

"Don't feel guilty for going where you want to go on your honeymoon," James spoke up. I glanced up, surprised that he somehow knew what I was feeling. I don't know why I was surprised. James Potter was a pro at reading people. "And I'm sorry if I'm making you feel that way. That really isn't my intention."

I shrugged. "I knew this would happen. I knew that once we announced our honeymoon location, we'd get crap from everyone."

James frowned. "Honestly, Lance, you shouldn't feel guilty over the fact that you're choosing to go to Australia. But what did you expect from us? Of the millions of countries you could have visited, you choose one that will always have a bad rep in our minds."

I chugged the rest of my beer, trying not to show my irritation. She was my sister. Did no one understand that I was hurt by her disappearance as well? "I realize that, James," I said coolly. "But I'm not going to let her strip us of our dignity and desires. She wins that way. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let her win after what she had put us all through."

James hesitated, his beer midway to his mouth. He slowly met my gaze, defeat resting in his eyes. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we're being biased. Maybe we shouldn't let her be influencing us like this. But do you blame us?"

"Not at all," I retorted immediately. I stood up, going to grab another beer from the mini-fridge. "I just don't want my life to be defined by her disappearance anymore."

James nodded, taking a swig of beer pensively. He said eventually, "That's…um…easier said than done."

I glanced over my shoulder, sensing regret in his tone. I suddenly wondered if it was Riley he was thinking about or his older brother, Wyatt, who had left home eight years earlier without a goodbye to anyone. "I know," I sighed.

"Hey, what are you two gabbing about?" my fiancée's voice rang out. I glanced behind me and was incredibly struck by her beauty. She was wearing a silky yellow gown and I had never in my life wanted to tear a dress off her body more than I did in that moment. "Ooh, cosmos!" she squealed.

I smiled, and poured two cosmopolitans to hand to her and Lily. "You look stunning," I whispered, kissing Kay on the cheek.

She blushed while Lily cleared her throat loudly, giving me a look. I rolled my eyes. "You look stunning too, Lily."

She grinned. "Thanks!"

"Y'know, the compliment would feel more heartfelt if you didn't beg for it," James joked, reaching his hand out to her.

"At least Lance complimented me," Lily argued, narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend. "Which is more than I can say for you."

"Hey, you always look beautiful to me," he said with a smile, kissing her hand.

"That would feel a lot more heartfelt if I didn't have to beg for it," she teased. She shrieked as he pulled her down on top of him, tickling her sides. A bit of her cosmopolitan sloshed on to the dark couch.

Kay and I couldn't help but watch, amused. Sometimes, the two of them acted like children. But in a weird way, it was refreshing to see them like this. It was these little moments that made me realize how important love really was.

"I could use a little help here!" Lily gasped, struggling to wriggle free from her boyfriend's strong gasp.

"Nah, it's more entertaining to watch," Kay said with a smirk.

Lily whimpered as James let up, kissing the side of her neck before freeing her. She smacked his shoulder, but there was a hint of a smile on her face as she stood up. "My dress is wrinkled," she complained.

"You still look beautiful," he whispered, reaching for her hand and kissing the back of it.

She rolled her eyes. "That compliment just feels forced now," she said with a teasing smile, leaning over to kiss her boyfriend on the cheek.

He laughed as Lily finished off her drink with one last gulp. "C'mon, we should get going. Wouldn't want to show up late."

"Why not?" I asked sincerely.

Kay smacked me on the chest. "Think of the children, Lance!"

I chuckled lightly and kissed the side of her face. "Oh, fine."

James rolled his eyes, climbing off the couch. "You're just thinking about the open bar right now, aren't you?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely."

* * *

**++LILY++**

It was hard to recognize the atrium in St. Mungo's. There were crowds of women in beautiful gowns and men in sharp-looking dress robes. Large, silver and gold, ostentatious decorations adorned the walls and ceilings. Tables aligned the walls filled with copious amounts of food and there were lines of people waiting for the bars to open up.

"Hey!" a familiar voice greeted from behind us.

I turned around and smiled at Keegan and Fabian, who both looked rather attractive with Keegan's deep purple sequined dress and Fabian's matching tie.

"And how long did it take you to pick out those matching outfits?" James teased.

Keegan quirked an unamused eyebrow. "I've made friends with the bartender and have been granted permission to skip the line for whatever drinks I want tonight. Do you really want to make fun of us?"

He grinned. "You look absolutely breathtaking, Miss Keegan Rouge!"

"Wow, that almost sounded sincere," Fabian chimed in.

James chuckled. "Do I dare want to know how you made friends with a bartender?" he asked Keegan curiously.

She smiled slyly. "The guy was eighteen. What do you think I did? I flashed him."

Kay and I couldn't help but groan as the guys all laughed. Fabian even threw in a wolf-whistle.

"So, which bar is this guy stationing?" Lance asked curiously. "Because my hand is empty."

She laughed and gestured for us all to follow her. We started to make our way through the crowds, stopping to say hello to the many people we knew. Ministry Officials and Healers and Aurors and fellow Order members and Lance's family and _Daily Prophet _swarmed us. As the minutes ticked by, we were all getting increasingly agitated that we were still alcohol-less.

"Must you guys know so many people?" Lance whimpered.

"Hey, your grandmother took up nearly ten minutes of our time complaining about your damned bookstore," I teased.

Lance made a face. "Precisely why I need a drink."

Caleb snickered. He had been chatting with his grandmother initially before she got her claws into Lance. Thankfully, he was able to follow us out of that near trainwreck. "You could have become an Auror."

Lance glared at him. "Why do you insist on rubbing your perfect life in my face?" he whimpered.

"My life is perfect? Hm, that's news to me."

"You did marry a pretty awesome girl, I hear," Shannon piped up from beside her husband. Even pregnant, she looked amazing in a long silk black dress.

"Yes, and that said awesome girl is pregnant," Lance pointed out with an overdramatic pout. "Something Gran brags about every chance she gets."

Caleb grinned. "I can't help that I'm the first one to give her a grandchild."

"I blame Rafe for never marrying," Lance growled. "But alas, I can only blame _you _for being the perfect Gilmore who first got married, who is now giving Gran her first grandchild, and you actually went into the Auror field."

"Hm. I am perfect, aren't I?" He ducked as Lance attempted to swat at him.

"Yes," Shannon spoke, kissing her husband's cheek. "But I might be a bit biased."

Lance opened his mouth again to clearly put in his two cents, when Fabian interjected. "Whoa, is that Sydny?"

I perked up immediately, turning around to glance at where Fabian's gaze was directed. I had heard so many complaints about her from James that I was eager to actually put a face to a name. As I spotted a woman in an elegant gold gown heading our way, I suddenly knew why Fabian said 'whoa.' She made me look like a troll.

"Well, she officially makes me look like a whale," Shannon muttered my own sentiments.

Caleb chuckled, quickly protesting as he kissed her. "You're beautiful."

"Hey, Sydny," Fabian greeted s she met up with them.

"Hey guys," she drawled, giving Fabian a once-over. "You clean up nicely, Fabian."

"You don't look half-bad yourself," he responded.

Half-bad didn't even begin to describe her.

"So, you must be Lily," she said with a smile as she turned to face me. "Personally, I think you're crazy for moving in with this lug, but I'm glad I finally get to meet you."

I couldn't help but laugh as James merely rolled his eyes. I was curious how she knew that he and I were moving in together. James had done nothing but complain about her since she moved into his cubicle, so I would be surprised to hear that he was the one to tell her. "If it helps, I, too, think I must be crazy for moving in with him."

"This coming from the girl who wants to marry me," he teased, kissing the side of my head.

"Ah," said Sydny, glancing over at me, "Well, _that_ confirms your craziness."

James rolled his eyes again, glancing back towards Lance. "I feel your sentiment, man. I definitely need that drink."

"I'm proud to know that I drive you towards alcohol," Sydny retorted with a smirk.

"You probably drive a lot of people towards alcohol," James muttered, sliding past her and towards the bar.

"Always a pleasure talking to you, Potter," she snorted to his back.

He hesitated before turning back around. "I talk to you enough in the office, Lafevre," he grunted. "I'm choosing to avoid you in order to spend my Saturday in the company of those I actually enjoy."

I grimaced but kept my mouth shut. I saw an icy determination flickering in my boyfriend's eyes, enough to know that he's clearly already made up his mind about Sydny.

"Ah, yes, surrounded by your minions, hm?"

James' eyes narrowed at her. "I think you mean _friends_, Lafevre. Although, I can understand why your memory has failed to retain that word."

"Really? You're going to get into the friends argument again?" Fabian chimed in with a groan.

I glanced over at him curiously. "The 'friends argument?'"

"Believe me, the argument is too childish for you to want to know about it."

James glared at his coworker. "You try working with Haughtyhouse Syd and tell me you won't break out into arguments."

"You're allowed to break out into arguments all you want," Fabian said with a casual shrug. "About _work_. But an argument about whether or not Sydny has friends or whether or not yours can be called a gang or minions isn't really worth the time. Maybe you should focus your time and energy on destroying Voldemort."

Syndy's fists clenched tightly, her smirk fading into a frown. "Don't accuse me of not doing my job, Prewett," she murmured with a glare. There was an iciness in her eyes that almost seemed permanent. "Just because Potter here would rather turn everything into an argument doesn't mean-"

"Oh, don't you dare blame our lack of ability to work together on _me_," James snarled. Keegan and I shared an uncomfortable glance, sensing discomfited rage in James' voice. And I knew enough to know that when James got angry, it was best to steer clear of him. "I was doing just fine before you came along."

"Maybe you got a bit too comfortable working solo and forgot what it was like working in a partnership," she shot back.

"Maybe you got a bit too _controlling _and forgot what it was like working in a partnership."

"I'm not the only one controlling here, Potter."

James frowned, a deep crease forming in his forehead. A crease I knew all too well. It meant he wanted to argue but knew she was right. "You don't know me, Lafevre, so don't try to psychoanalyze me," he requested, his tony icy.

"Or maybe I just know you better than you'd like me to," she smirked, flashing him a smug smile. I froze instantly, recognizing that smug smile. I gazed over at my boyfriend, realizing that I saw that exact same smile on him for nearly our entire seven years spent at Hogwarts.

And suddenly I realized that this witty banter he was sharing with Sydny sounded all too familiar.

I glanced over at Sydny furtively, wondering what it was about her that bothered my boyfriend so much. Even though there was a smile on Sydny's face, I saw stony hollowness in her eyes that looked habitual. I obviously had no idea what Sydny's story is, but that look was one I knew all too well. Even thirteen years after my parents' death, I still found a reason to keep my heart guarded so matter how much I tried to let everyone in.

James' lips pursed unevenly. "We're at a charity event, Lafevre," he grunted. "So how about we just avoid each other in order to have fun tonight?"

"That's about the smartest thing you've said thus far."

James rolled his eyes. "Do you enjoy getting a rise out of me?"

I had to shake my head in disbelief. I probably said those exact same words to James over a hundred times before we got together. This was becoming uncanny.

"Maybe a little," she teased. She started sashaying away from him, throwing me a curious gaze. "It was nice meeting you, Lily." She disappeared into the crowd and based on the relieved look on James' face, he was thrilled over that.

"She seems…" I trailed off. "Nice?"

I glanced up at James, who shook his head with a scowl. "She's the devil," James argued quickly.

Fabian rolled his eyes, shooting him a look. "It would be awesome if you two could at least pretend to get along with each other."

"Yeah, keep dreaming," James snorted. "Now are we going to get that drink or not?"

Fabian attempted to hide his amused smile at his coworker as Keegan grabbed a hold of his hand and directed all of us towards the bar.

An hour later, James and I were on the dance floor with Frank and Alice, enjoying the Weird Sisters play an upbeat set of songs. We were all laughing and enjoying a night away from our usual weekend routine.

"So, why do you hate Sydny so much?" I asked curiously as James spun me around.

James' face showed hesitation. "I don't…_hate _her, per se, I just-"

The end of his sentence was drowned out by the boisterous laughter from Frank and Alice's mouths. "Is that why you said you hated her just yesterday?" Alice snickered.

"And the day before," Frank added.

"Last week."

"Every day."

"Since the day you met her."

James scowled. "No need for the comments from the Peanut Gallery."

"Then don't tell blatant lies," Frank joked, shooting his coworker a look.

"Maybe if she didn't go out of her way to irk me I wouldn't feel the need to hate her," James murmured as the song ended. We all gave the Weird Sisters a round of applause and with a gesture from Frank, headed to the bar.

"Do you ever think that perhaps you irk her just as much as she irks you?" Alice considered.

James rolled his eyes. "Not even possible."

"You two fight like cats and dogs," Frank agreed.

"Or like me and James five years ago?" I chimed in, lifting a curious eyebrow.

Three pairs of eyes turned to stare at me. "What?" James eventually asked.

I shrugged, cracking a smile. "It's true. Your banter with Sydny reminds me of the two of us at Hogwarts. Let's face it, we loved to irk each other."

"No, we didn't!"

I laughed. "Okay, fine. Maybe it was just you who liked to irk me."

"No, I didn't!" James whined.

"Uh, yes you did. We can all attest to that," Alice pointed out. "You loved to see her riled up."

James hesitated. "Well, I certainly don't enjoy seeing Sydny riled up. And please don't even insinuate that I do."

"Of course not," I interjected with a shrug as Frank ordered us all another round of drinks from the bartender. "Because you're playing the role of me and she's playing the role of you."

"Come again?" James scoffed,

I laughed at the scowl on his face. "She's the one who's going out of her way to apparently annoy you where she will then merely flash her smug smile and walk off, unruffled, while you're the one complaining about it and claiming you hate her to your friends. It's classic James and Lily."

James took a beer from Frank's hand and glanced up towards him. "I'm going to need something stronger if she continues to call me a girl."

I grinned sheepishly. "Well, look how that classic James-and-Lily game turned out for us. So maybe it will all work out between you and Sydny."

James shuddered. "I don't like that implication."

I gave him a look. "I didn't mean it like that, James," I said with a shake of my head, nursing my gin and tonic. A part of me might have been worried about the two of them, but jealousy wasn't my thing. The love James and I had for each other was strong and no one could change that. Not even a spitfire like Sydny. "I'm simply saying perhaps you need to give her a chance just like I eventually did with you. She's probably not nearly as bad as you make her out to be."

James frowned and I saw a flicker of irritation in his eyes. "You met her for all of five seconds, Lily. I've known her for a few weeks now. I think I know her better than you do."

I cringed, knowing I should have just kept my mouth shut. But from what I can see from Sydny, it was probably better to keep her as a friend than an enemy. "Sorry, I'm just trying to make your partnership a tad more bearable so that you don't have to come home every night wanting to scream. Especially since you'll be coming home to _me_."

James rolled his eyes. "I've tried being nice. She doesn't respond to nice."

"Ah, yes, but she responds to yelling?" Alice snorted.

James clenched his fists in frustration. "I didn't want Lafevre to psychoanalyze me and I don't want you guys to, either. Change the subject or I'm blowing this joint."

I sighed, recognizing the sincerity behind the ultimatum. When James didn't want to talk about something, he wouldn't budge.

"Er…not to keep on the subject of Sydny, but is that her chatting with Sirius?" Frank asked, nodding in the direction of the two.

James swore and immediately stormed over there. I groaned and quickly followed him.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I saw her the moment she walked into the room. It was the girl that I had run into when I was fishing around the California for clues after the attack. The girl that had somehow knew Moody and who he knew in return. I found my way over to her, curiosity getting the better of me.

"You're not really an Auror, are you?" she had first said when I walked up to her.

My eyebrow arched. "I actually never said I was."

"Moody gave me that impression."

"Then take it up with him, not me," I said with a mysterious smile. Man, this girl was hot. "And how do you know I'm not an Auror?"

I was pleased when she smiled back. "I have my ways."

"Ah, keeping tabs on me, hm? I've got to say, there are worse things in life," I teased. "Now, do you have a name or do you enjoy being so mysterious?"

"SIRIUS!"

I glanced over to where my best friend was storming my way. I tried desperately to figure out what I possibly could have done to earn the rage in his voice. I came up blank.

"What happened to avoiding each other?" the gorgeous girl standing in front of me scowled to James.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Do you two know each other?"

James narrowed his eyes at me, pointing to the girl beside me. "This is Sydny."

My mouth dropped open. I had no idea that this was the Sydny that James had spoken of in the past. But if this really was Slaughterhouse Syd, it certainly explained what she was doing on the west coast after the attack. And it certainly explained why she may have been the first one on the scene. She was officially enigmatic to me.

Oh, and she was also so bloody gorgeous.

Damn, and now James was telling me this was the girl I had to keep away from?

"You say that so enthusiastically," she drawled sardonically, interrupting me. "And how the hell do _you_ two know each other?"

"He's my best friend," James said dryly. "Or at least he was."

I rolled my eyes but before I could retort, Sydny chimed in. "What are the odds?" she murmured with a groan, shooting a look at me. "And I thought you were okay."

I grinned. "Don't hate on me because my best friend is a jackass."

James scowled. "This coming from the guy who deliberately went behind my back!"

"I didn't deliberately do anything," I corrected, shaking my head. "I had no idea who she was."

"What are you two babbling about?"

"None of your concern," James snapped.

Sydny rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm clearly unwelcome here."

"No, you're not," I said with a cheeky grin.

"Yes, she is," James said immediately, shooting me a look.

"Did anyone ever tell you how incredibly courteous you are?" Sydny drawled, her words dripping with much sarcasm.

"Go flirt with someone else, Slaughterhouse," James growled.

I could have opened my mouth to stop her, but the irate look on James' face kept my mouth shut. But that didn't stop me from checking out her tight ass as she sauntered off into the crowd.

"OW!" I shouted when James clocked me on the back of my head. "What the hell was that for?"

"There are over a hundred single girls here tonight!" James scowled. "You couldn't have chosen another girl to flirt with?"

"Hey, you might dislike the girl, but you can't ignore the fact that is a drop dead gorgeous. You can't blame me for wanting her!" I whined. "But we hadn't gotten to the introductions yet so I didn't even know her name."

James' eyes narrowed curtly. "Really?"

I rolled my eyes. "_Yes_," I emphasized. "Look, while I may not understand why it is you are so determined to keep me away from your gorgeous coworker, I'm not going to intentionally go behind your back. And if I was going to go behind your back, I would do a better job of it than flirting with Sydny at a charity event with a million of your friends and coworkers around, an event that you also so happen to be attending."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You need to lighten up."

James sighed. "Yeah, I know," he murmured.

I glanced up at him curiously, sensing distress in his words. James had always been such a lighthearted, upbeat kind of guy, but recently, it was as if whatever smile he was wearing on his face didn't reach his eyes. Despair and stress seemed to outweigh his every emotion, and I couldn't figure out what it could be. Was it Sydny's recent appearance on scene? Was it Lily moving in? Was it work-related? Was it something to do with the Order? Was it all of the above? None of the above? He was such a closed book recently that I couldn't even ask him about it. He wouldn't admit anything anyway.

As I snuck a peek over at Lily, I noted a flicker of reluctance in her gaze that made me realize I wasn't the only one wondering what was on James' mind. But just like me, I knew she wouldn't ask him about it. Lately, it was better to just pretend things were fine around James than admit that perhaps things were far from fine.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

_ "SIRIUS BLACK!"_

I stormed up the long-winded staircase in Potter Manor, taking the stairs by twos, muttering a stream of obscenities under my breath. I was seriously going to kill him.

I skidded to a halt outside his bedroom door and pounded both my fists brutally against the wooden door. I didn't even care that she was probably still in that room.

The door thrust open to reveal my best friend looking weary and aggravated. "_What the hell, Prongs?"_

"Don't what the hell me! I should be what the helling you!"

Sirius leaned against his doorframe with a stifled yawn. "I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about."

"_Sydny_."

Sirius blinked once. "What about her?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Black!" I barked irritably.

"I'm not playing anything, I really am dumb," he drawled. He hesitated. "Wait, that came out wrong."

I shot him a look. "Dedalus just informed me that Sydny left the charity event with my best friend."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Well, this best friend sure as hell didn't leave with Sydny. No matter how much I wanted to."

My eyes narrowed. "Are you messing with me?"

"_No_," Sirius argued, rolling his eyes. "You want to check my room? My closet? Under the bed? Bathroom? Balcony? There's no girl hiding in here, Prongs."

I glared at him. "Are you sure?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd remember if a girl were throwing herself under my mattress. Typically, they keep themselves _atop _the mattress."

I rolled my eyes at him. "If _you_ didn't go home with her, then who the hell did?"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but he was interrupted by a door opening down the hall. We both turned and were shocked to see Sydny Lafevre strolling towards us, her cheeks flushed and her hair falling out of the poised bun it had been in earlier that evening. She froze when she saw us.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

"I live here. This is Potter Manor," I snapped.

"Seriously?" she murmured, her ears turning pink.

I nodded.

"This night just keeps getting better," she muttered, barely audible. When she glanced back up at me, I noticed guilt flickering across her eyes. "Er…I should be going now."

Before I could say another word, she slid past me and headed down the stairs.

My eyes migrated towards Sirius in surprise.

"Don't look at me!" he said, throwing his hands up in the air innocently.

Another door opened as Remus suddenly whisked himself into the hallway. "Wait, Sydny, you forgot your-" He stopped short when he saw us, "purse."

My eyes widened in shock and even Sirius had to balance himself up against the doorframe, his mouth dropping open. We were both rendered speechless, which was a big feat for us.

Remus shot me a sheepish grin. "Er…hey guys," he muttered awkwardly before rushing past me and down the stairs after Sydny.

"Did I really just see that?" Sirius murmured.

It took a few seconds for me to compose myself. "Uh…yeah, I think that just happened."

"I need to sit down."

"Me, too."

We didn't even bother slipping into Sirius' room. Our surprise overtook us and we both plopped down on to the hallway floor, as I tried to determine if I really just witnessed Sydny doing the walk of shame from Remus' bedroom.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard footsteps on the staircase. I glanced up as Remus appeared standing over the two of us.

"What are you doing on the floor?"

"What the hell are you doing with Sydny!?" I blurted out.

He shrugged. "None of your business," he muttered, stepping over me. "Now, I'm exhausted, so if-"

"_Yeah_, you are," Sirius said with a crude grin.

Remus glared at him. "I don't appreciate the implication."

"How was she?" Sirius demanded to know.

My hands flew to my ears. "I don't want to know!"

Sirius chuckled. "I can't believe you took Sydny home," he said, glancing up at Remus in amusement. "I came home empty-handed and you took home the most gorgeous girl at the event. The planets must be misaligned."

"You didn't come home with a girl?" Remus asked, clearly surprised.

"Don't change the subject, Lupin!" I interjected, glaring at him as I climbed off the floor. I hesitated, glancing over at Sirius. "Although, that is very unusual for you. We'll get to that later."

Sirius rolled his eyes, following my suit and getting up off the floor with a yawn. "Awesome, can't wait," he said sarcastically.

I ignored the sarcasm and gazed back over at Remus, who was wearing an amused smile. "Moony, how could you just ignore my request not to go after my coworker?"

Remus shrugged. "Technically, you never asked _me_ to stay away from her. You only asked Sirius."

"Didn't realize you were one to get bogged down with technicalities," I snapped.

Remus shrugged. "I was introducing myself to her, James, because I was curious why this girl bugged you so much, and we ended up really hitting it off. She's surprisingly a very down-to-earth girl and we had a great conversation about the state of the wizarding world. One thing led to another and…well you know the rest."

I glared at him. "Yes, unfortunately."

He rolled his eyes. "It was just a one-time thing. No biggie. Can you really blame me?"

"Of course I can!" I barked, clenching my fists. "I really didn't think I needed to ask _you _to keep your hands off of her."

"Clearly, you did," Sirius snickered.

Both Remus and I shot him a look. "You stay out of this," I grunted, shaking my head in disbelief.

Sirius shrugged, throwing up his arms. "Fine by me," he grumbled. "I'm still trying to figure out how it is I'm sleeping alone tonight when I was at an event with a room full of intoxicated females." He hesitated, glancing back towards Remus. "Ahh, Sydny was probably wasted, wasn't she?"

Remus glared at him. "Do you ever just shut up?"

Sirius grinned. "No, not usually."

"Can you two quit it with the side conversations?" I interjected, my tone full of aggravation.

"And what conversation, pray tell, do you want us to be having?" Remus retaliated with a roll of the eyes. "Because I sure as hell am not having a conversation with _you _about what goes in the privacy of my own bedroom."

My frustration was starting to mold into anger. "Remus, you were sitting in the game room when I was there requesting Padfoot to stay away from Sydny. You laughed, you made jokes, and you reacted to what Sirius and I were saying! You knew that I wanted to keep my personal and professional life separate and you completely ignored that. Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because I think you're being ridiculous," he responded immediately.

I glared at him. "Come again?"

He shrugged. "I don't think your frustration has anything to do with you wanting to keep your professional and personal life separate. I don't think it has anything to do with you wanting us to stay away from Sydny. I don't think it has anything to do with who she is or-"

"If you think you're such an expert on what I'm thinking," I interrupted, narrowing my eyes at him, "then what, pray tell, is my frustration really about?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look and I suddenly knew that they've had a conversation before about my thoughts on Sydny. "James, why did you decide to move in with Lily?" Remus asked.

I had no idea what I had expected Remus to say, but that definitely wasn't it. "_What_?" I snapped, very uncertain where he was headed with that question.

Remus shrugged. "You heard me."

"Oh, I don't know, because I'm in love with her?" I retorted sarcastically.

Remus snorted. "You've been in love with her for nearly four years."

"Ten actually," Sirius interjected.

"What happened to you staying out of this?" I growled.

Sirius shrugged. "When have I ever stayed out of anything, Prongs?"

Before I could retort, Remus continued. "You'll be with Lily for four years come January. And you've been so scared to make the next move with her. You two had an argument about marriage one night where neither one of you could agree on anything. And then suddenly in walks Sydny and three days later, you're moving in with Lily. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"Don't you dare belittle my relationship with Lily, Lupin," I retaliated defensively, rage pouring from my eyes. "I love her. I always have and I always will. I _want _to move in with her. I _want _to live with her. I _want _to be with her for the rest of our lives. And none of that has anything to do with Sydny showing up on the scene."

Remus sighed. "I'm not belittling your feelings for Lily, James," he said cautiously. "I know you love her. That's not the issue."

"There isn't an issue!"

He shrugged, glancing over at Sirius. Sirius sighed reluctantly and said to me, "Sydny reminds you of yourself, James."

I scowled. "Come again?"

"She reminds you of yourself five years ago. She reminds you of yourself now. She reminds you of the guy you're afraid you're turning into."

I was seriously getting tired of all the psychoanalysis. "How can she possibly remind me of all that?" I snorted.

"The witty banter between you two now is an exact replica of the way you and Lily used to act in Hogwarts," Remus chimed in with a shrug. "And her guardedness and inability to let anyone in is exactly how you've been acting lately. Actually, it's exactly how _Lily _acted before you two got together and lately you've been afraid that you've been slipping away from the girl who you ironically begged to let you into her life.

Sirius continued. "And now looking at Sydny, it's like you're back to where you were four years ago. Sydny's use of sarcasm as her defense mechanism and her fear of opening up and her overwhelming ability to hide her emotions is the person Lily used to be and you wanted so desperately for her to shed that. And _now _look at you. You are so afraid that you're becoming the person Sydny is and the person Lily used to be. Sydny Lafevre is everything you don't want to be and yet, everything you're turning into. She scares the living hell out of you. You don't want to be that person because you know what it feels like to have someone push you away and guard their heart.

Remus finished for him. I was beginning to get whiplash moving my head back and forth between the two. "So one of the reasons you asked Lily to move in with you was because you're determined not to be the person that Sydny is. You're determined to get back to the way you and Lily used to be back in Hogwarts when she let you in and you didn't give up a fight but you're so afraid it may be too late. And Sydny helped you realize that."

"You're belittling my relationship again," I snapped, narrowing my eyes defensively.

"No, I'm not," Remus murmured, shaking his head. "I'm telling you what you already know but what you're too afraid to admit."

I pursed my lips, glaring at him. I felt my heart begin to race but quickly ignored it. "I'm nothing like Lafevre."

Remus shrugged. "Keep telling yourself that."

"Did you want to get hexed tonight?"

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "James, I'm being serious."

"So, am I."

He rolled his eyes. "You need to let go of whatever is really bothering you," Remus said in all sincerity, his voice firm with caution. "You need to realize that whatever has happened to you in the past is _in _the past. Don't let it define you. You deserve better. And so does Lily."

"What is this obsession with Sydny and Lily?" I murmured.

"It's not an obsession, just an observation."

"Well, observe someone else." Mostly because I knew that everything he and Sirius had to say was accurate. I just chose to ignore it.

He sighed. "You are so stubborn, y'know that?"

"Yeah, I've been told once or twice before," I drawled sarcastically. _Or ten thousand times_.

He rolled his eyes. "I hope you know that right now, you're acting exactly like the guy you're so afraid of becoming."

I stiffened, clenching my fists irritably. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He shared another look with Sirius and I was becoming very irritated. Those furtive looks simply told me that they had talked about this before and not in my presence. And I didn't appreciate being talked about behind my back. Remus answered before I could comment. "It's supposed to mean you're throwing up a whole wall full of distance, guardedness, and defense mechanisms. This is classic James: you're pushing us all away by cracking jokes and acting tough because it's easier to do that than actually _feel something_. But instead of doing it for a brief period of time after dealing with tragedy, it's _all the damned time_.And P.S. it just so happens to be the way that Sydny acts, too."

"Who the hell are you to tell me that I'm distant, guarded, and I use defense mechanisms instead of actually feeling something, Remus?" I shot back. "Because you haven't exactly been warm and fuzzy since Jillian dumped you."

The words were out before I could stop them. And the hurt look on Remus' face told me I had taken it too far. Even Sirius' mouth dropped open in shock. "This is what I'm talking about, James," Remus snarled, his eyes blazing with anger. "You are so angry and bitter all the damned time! You throw around insults and you crack cynical jokes and whenever anyone attempts to talk to you, your stubbornness kicks in and you'd rather _offend _them than admit they actually have something worth listening to! We are all so afraid of talking to you because we know at some point during the conversation, you're just going to return to being your surly, unrestrained self who doesn't care what he says or does. Well, if that's the way you want to be, fine. But don't expect me to want to stick around. I'd rather not hang around someone who is prone to insulting me."

He shoved past me without another word, shooting me one last glare, before stomping into his room. The door slammed behind him and I groaned, shutting my eyes and rubbing them guiltily.

"Smooth, Prongs."

I almost forgot Sirius was standing there. I opened my eyes slowly. "Damnit, Remus is right, isn't he?" I murmured. "I have been kind of a jackass lately, haven't I?"

Sirius hesitated. "I hope you're not expecting an argument from me."

I glanced over at him, anxiety emanating from within. "No," I murmured. "I'm not."

He cocked his head to the side, crossing his arms curiously. "You want to tell me what's going on?"

I sighed. No, I really didn't. But that was mostly because I didn't know if I had all the answers to that question. I leaned up against the wall, defeat resting in my expression. "Sirius," I spoke softly, hanging my head in shame. "I-I wake up every morning praying that nothing bad happened overnight. I go to sleep every night wondering what tragedy will strike next. I sit at my desk every day hoping that Scrimgeour and Moody don't come running out of their offices to tell us a battle has broken out and we're needed. I'm constantly looking over my shoulder wondering if everyone I care about is safe. Fear runs my life. And…and I had _let_ it run my life. I had let it affect my friendships and I had let it affect my relationship with Lily. I had let it take over every ingle second of my life."

Sirius nodded, shrugging knowingly. "And then in walked Sydny?" he suggested

I glanced up at him, not responding immediately. But he was right. The moment Sydny walked into my office and I saw years of endless pain in her eyes, I somehow felt a connection to her. A connection I didn't want to have, but it was undeniable. We fought because we were overwhelmingly similar. Plain and simple. I didn't know what had happened to her in the past but I knew she was still overcoming what I could only guess was a tumultuous past.

Eventually, I spoke, choosing my words very carefully. "Fear runs her life, too," I explained with a frown. "Believe me, I would know. I have no idea what the hell happened to her in the past, but she is one hell of a…a brick wall. I can barely talk to the girl without her getting defensive. Anytime I bring up her past, she changes the subject. She barely seems to want to talk about her present, much less her past!"

"But?" Sirius sensed.

"No," I murmured. "No but. Just...when she walked into the office, it was the day after my argument about marriage with Lily. I thought I was deadest on keeping things the way they were. But just being around Lafevre made me realize that that wasn't what I wanted at all. It's just what I had told myself in fear of any more changes. But I'm trying not to live in fear anymore. I-I don't want to end up like Lafevre. So distant and cold and guarded. The problem is, not ending up like that is a lot easier said than done." I crossed my arms defensively, chewing on the inside of my lip. I ran my fingers through my hair like I so often did when feeling helpless. "I've been acting like a royal jerk lately because…because I don't know how to _not_ worry no matter how much I try telling myself it's not worth losing those around me. I don't know how to just live day to day without frightened thoughts entering my mind every few seconds. I don't know how to forget that…that there's a war brewing out there and I am putting myself in danger every day as an Auror and as a member of the Order. I just…I just don't know what to do or think anymore."

Sirius hesitated. "Do you not want to be an Auror or a member of the Order anymore?"

"No, it's not about that," I quickly defended. "I love what I do. But it makes me a hell of a lot more aware of what's going on in the wizarding world."

"Prongs, you can't change the fact that there's a war going on out there," Sirius pointed out with a curt shrug.

"I'm not trying to change it," I murmured. "I just want to know that everything's going to be okay."

He grimaced. "Unfortunately, that's not something anyone can predict."

"I know. And it sucks."

"Yeah," Sirius muttered, nodding knowingly. "It does."

I glanced at him curiously, recognizing the same anxiety in his voice that had been in mine ever since Lafevre showed up.

"And truth is, James, if I were you, I'd probably be acting the same way," he continued with a sigh. "Because out of any of us, you've lost a lot more. None of us blame you for feeling the way you do. Fear is something none of us can help feeling. But don't shut us out because you don't know how to deal with it. Because…" he trailed off hesitantly, gazing at me curiously. He sighed. "Because maybe you need us all more now than you ever did in the past."

I didn't let my eyes stray from his. His words were filled with such determination and strength, and if he weren't my best friend, maybe I would have missed the flicker of regret in his eyes. I had a pretty good feeling that thoughts of Riley were suddenly filling his mind.

He offered me a lopsided smile, adding guiltily, "But if you keep acting this way towards us, James, you're going to lose us, too. And that includes Lily."

I made a face, knowing he was right. I ran Remus' words through my mind and thought back to the day Sydny arrived on the scene and how she had somehow permeated my life. I thought back to the day I asked Lily to move in with me and I thought of Lafevre's reaction. I remembered all of the petty arguments that Lafevre and I have shared. I remembered my foolish reaction to my friends wanting to seduce Sydny. Before she came along, I let fear run my life. Then she showed up and it was almost as if I was letting _her_ run my life. Maybe it was about time I started running my own life. "I'm sorry, Sirius," I murmured sincerely. "For being so angry and bitter lately. And for making you not want to be around me."

Sirius shrugged, nodding towards Remus' door. "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

I sighed, glancing over my shoulder. Without another word to Sirius, I sauntered over to Remus' room. I knocked gently before creaking open the door. Remus didn't even acknowledge me. His head was buried in a book, though I had a feeling he wasn't really reading it. "Hey," I greeted awkwardly.

"You come back to dredge up my failed relationship some more?" His eyes didn't stray from his book.

"No," I muttered guiltily, shaking my head. "Look, you were right. About everything. I've been acting like a jackass because it's easier pushing everyone away than admit that I'm…um…that I'm…" I trailed off.

His eyes peeked out over his book. "Scared?"

I swallowed hard, leaning up against his doorframe with a heavy sigh. "Yeah."

"You're not the only one, James," he pointed out with a curt shrug. "There's no easy way to sugarcoat the fact that we're in the middle of a war. People are dying, others are fighting, and some are even joining the Dark Side. But there's no way to predict who will be dying, who will be fighting, and who will be joining the Dark Side. You can be afraid. Believe me, I am, too. In fact, anyone who says otherwise is flat-out lying. But the truth of the matter is, James, you can't control what's going to happen. You just have to-"

"Let it happen," I finished with a sigh.

He nodded. "Yeah."

I didn't respond. I knew he was right. But it was a lot easier said than done. All I wanted was to know that no one else in my life was going to be taken from me. I had already been through enough tragedy in the past few years to last me a lifetime. For once, I just wanted to wake up in the morning and not have my first thought be, _"Is everyone I love still alive?" _It was depressing. "You were right about Sydny, too. I don't want to turn out like her," I muttered. "I don't want to be a...a…"

"Stone wall?"

I glanced up at him. Apparently, all of my ranting over the past week about Sydny has rang in Remus' ears. "Yeah."

Remus placed his book on his bedside table before gazing back over at me. "You're not a stone wall, James. You could be. You _should _be. But you're not. And maybe it's because you have people around you who care about you and who you care about when unfortunately Sydny doesn't."

My heart sank. And here I've been making fun of the fact that she doesn't have any friends. Maybe there was a reason behind it. "Must you be so-"

"Insightful?" he finished with a smirk. "Here's some more insight for you."

"Oh, great," I muttered sarcastically.

He simply shrugged. "You've changed a lot over the past four years, James."

I snorted. "Oh, real insightful, Lupin. Hate to break it to you, but I already knew that."

He rolled his eyes. "Then you also know how much you wish you could go back to the person you used to be."

I froze, moving my gaze away from his. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, I do," he argued immediately. "Because I think Sydny also just so happens to remind you of the person you used to be. And working with her every day is not only a constant reminder of the guarded person you don't want to be but she is also a constant reminder of the whimsical guy you loved being five years ago. The guy who enjoyed being challenged. The guy who loved fighting back with a girl who was determined to defy him. The guy who stood his ground. The guy who took risks."

It's like he was reading my mind. Because one minute I was watching Sydny throw up walls and I was wondering why she was so cautious all the damned time and the next minute I was watching Sydny challenge me and throw back snide jokes in my face and a flashback to the way I used to be with Lily would hit me.

I would very much like to point out here to those who are convinced otherwise that I have absolutely attraction to Sydny Lafevre whatsoever.

"Where are you going with this?" I muttered irritably to Remus,

A sly smile spread across his face and I had a feeling that whatever it was that he was going to say, I probably didn't want to hear it. "You were also the guy who asked Lily to marry him. The guy who didn't let tragedy define him. The guy who didn't let fear overtake you. Four years ago, you wouldn't have hesitated before asking Lily to move in with you. You wouldn't have hesitated at all around her. It's like Sirius and I were saying before. You've been in love with her for almost eleven years. Are you really going to let her slip from your fingers because you're clouded by fear?"

I frowned. "Who said anything about letting her slip from my fingers?"

He shrugged. "I'm just giving you some-"

"Insight?" I muttered.

He forced a smile. "Yeah."

"Well, stop, it's annoying." But I cracked a smile. Because even though I hated admitting it, he was right. While I didn't want to let her slip from my fingers, that's the road we were eventually going to go down if I didn't ignore the worries of the future and just focus on the good I had in my present.

"I know," he said with a snicker. "But it's my job to annoy you until you get it."

"Can I just say I get it to get you-"

"Off your back?" he teased.

I chuckled, glancing over at him curiously. "We need to stop finishing each other's sentences."

I was surprised to see a smile creeping up on Remus' face. "We can't," he argued with a shrug. "We've been friends for too long, we just always know what the other is thinking."

I shrugged. "I can think of worse things."

"So can I."

I smiled nostalgically, thinking back to the first time I met Remus. He had been quiet and cautious, only talking to me when spoken to. I thought he was awkward and didn't think he'd ever give me a chance to get to know him. Now, ten years later, he was one of my best friends. And even when I insulted him in the worst way possible, he still found a way to forgive me. "I'm really sorry I brought up Jillian."

Remus flinched. "Forget it."

"No, I can't forget it," I argued immediately. "I knew it was a low blow and I said it anyway."

He shrugged awkwardly. "You were right, though."

I hesitated. "About?"

"I shouldn't exactly be the guy to give you advice on not throwing up defensive walls."

I sighed. "Defensive walls are easy to throw up after you get hurt."

I saw him flinch and knew he probably wanted me to talk about anything else at that moment.

"Don't turn out like me, James."

"What?"

He didn't reply immediately, his gaze falling away from mine, a flicker of regret etched in his eyes. I followed his line of sight and noticed an empty picture frame he was staring intently at. I had a feeling it used to hold a photo of Jillian. I glanced back over at Remus as he spoke. "Don't let her go," he murmured, his eyes not straying from that empty photo. "Fight for her. Every day. Because the moment you have to live a day without her is the day you'll no longer want to live."

"Remus-"

"You'll get through it. But you won't want to. So don't let it come to that," he hastily continued. He met my gaze, a coldness staring back at me. "_Don't _let her go, James. Not if you don't have to."

"Remus-"

"It's late. I'm going to bed now."

I knew it was a dismissal, but I didn't move, too confused by what just happened.

"Can you turn off my light on the way out?" he murmured as he turned over in his bed, his back now facing me.

I sighed and complied.

I know that it's been a hard road for Remus over the past few months, but it had always been so difficult getting him to admit that. The day after Jillian broke up with him, I thought he would take the Sirius approach and hole himself in his room, refusing to talk to anyone. So imagine my surprise when he insisted on heading to Joe's for our usual Sunday morning routine. It might be the only Sunday morning that every single one of us showed up at the coffee shop, knowing that while Remus didn't want to talk about it, he needed our support. And to this day, we continued to support him. Until I let my frustration get the better of me and hurt my friend in the worst possible way by bringing up his horrible break-up. He already had the constant reminder that he wasn't a husband and I had to go and throw it in his face. As I plunged into my own bed with a frustrated grunt, I knew I had to be a better person. For Remus, for Sirius, for my other friends who I had been pushing away, for even Sydny, and especially for Lily.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I stirred that night when I felt a dip in the end of my bed. I glanced over my shoulder and felt familiar soft lips press against my cheekbone. "Mm," I murmured as James ran his hands comfortingly up my arm, adding a kiss to my exposed neck. "Shouldn't you be chewing Sirius out?"

"Nah," he muttered, snuggling up behind me and wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Turns out, I had the wrong guy."

"What? Dedalus lied?"

"Oh, no, Sydny went home with my friend," he said. "Just not Sirius."

I was more confused than ever.

"It was Remus."

"_What_?" I cried out, whirling around to face him in shock. "Are you sure?"

"Well, Sydny came barreling out of his room smelling like sex."

"Ew."

He chuckled. "Oh, and Remus admitted he slept with her."

"Ew."

He laughed, kissing my cheek. "Ew is right."

I smiled, trying not to show my worry. It seemed that lately, Remus had taken a similar approach with women that Sirius has for the past four years. And I knew that there was no way it satisfied him. He had never been the type to have one-night-stands. The strained smile he always wore on his face proved that he was hurting. But he was so determined to pretend that everything was fine and that he was moving on, that he preferred to act like the player he could be than the guy he really was, which was someone that was hurting and couldn't imagine being with any other girl.

"I'm sorry I ran out on you tonight," he murmured.

I shrugged. "You do realize that when we're living together, you won't be _able_ to run out on me as much," I joked, winking at him.

He frowned. "I never want to run out on you again."

I glanced at him, confused. "That was meant as a joke."

"You know I love you, right?"

I hesitated, uncertain where the heaviness in his voice was coming from. "What's going on?"

He shook his head. "Nothing," he argued, forcing a smile on his face, wrapping his arms tighter around me. "Just know that I love you."

"I do know that."

He smiled at me, a smile filled with relief and satisfaction, and before I could comment, he pressed his lips to mine in a frenzy. I didn't question it. I merely kissed him back, my hands finding their way into his hair.

"I'm so glad we're moving in with each other, Lils," he whispered, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it's what I want."

I smiled, running my fingers through the end of his hair. "You've been through a lot, James," I said softly. "I know how-"

"Yeah, but that shouldn't affect _us_," he muttered, though the look in his eyes told me he was more convincing himself of that than me. "I'm…I'm just sorry that I let it."

"You didn't," I urged, slowly climbing on top of him with a reassuring smile. "You asked me to move in with you, did you not?"

He brought his hands up to my cheeks and pressed his lips softly to mine. "I have been through a lot," he reiterated, kissing my nose and then my forehead. "And you've been there by my side to help me get through it. I _always _want you by my side."

I don't know, but I felt relief fill my heart. "I'm not going anywhere," I spoke, as James' lips trailed down my jawline towards my neck.

"You promise?" he whispered hoarsely, his lips now getting dangerously close to my cleavage.

"I promise," I reassured immediately, letting out a light moan as he let his tongue lick the top of my breasts. I let out a startled cry when suddenly we were thrown from our intimate moment by a soft knock on my door. I fell to James' side with a defeated sigh as the door slowly opened and Keegan peeked her head in, a frying pan in her hand. "Oops, sorry," she murmured guiltily. "I thought I heard a noise in here."

I lifted an eyebrow. "What's with the frying pan?"

She grinned sheepishly. "I thought we might have an intruder!"

"And you were going to make him some eggs?" James teased. "Why wouldn't you have just used your wand?"

She hesitated, slowly bringing the frying pan down from over her head. "I don't make a very good witch, do I?"

Both James and I chuckled. "An impulsive one, perhaps," I snickered.

She sighed, shrugging. "Fabian should have been the one to attack the intruder anyway. Isn't that why we keep boyfriends around?"

"Yep," I said, earning a look of feigned hurt from James. I laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

"Where is Fabian?"

"Dead asleep," she whined. "I tried waking him, but he wouldn't budge. That kid could sleep through a duel going on in the same room."

We laughed, knowing she was absolutely right.

She leaned up against the doorframe curiously. "What are you doing here anyway, James? I thought you were off killing Black?"

James shrugged, stifling a yawn. "Nah, not tonight."

Keegan made a face. "Damn, and I had the champagne chilling."

"Sorry to disappoint," James snickered.

"Ah, well," Keegan sighed, shrugging. "Wouldn't want that champagne to go to waste. Might as well open it up now."

"At one o'clock in the morning?" I snorted.

"Hey, I'm depressed. I just found out that Black isn't dead."

I rolled my eyes, but James couldn't help but laugh. "Well, here's some news you might be entertained with," he said with a sly smile. "Remus went home with Sydny tonight and Sirius went home with no one."

I burst into laughter as Keegan's mouth dropped open. "Remus went home with the hottest girl at the event?"

"HEY!" I argued.

Keegan shrugged. "Oh, please, all the guys were drooling over her tonight."

"Not me," James retorted, rolling his eyes. "My drool will always be saved for Lily."

I peaked an eyebrow. "That sounds slightly disturbing," I teased.

"Yeah, that was something I didn't need to hear," Keegan said with a hint of a smile. "Now, I definitely need that champagne."

I glanced sideways over at my boyfriend, who shrugged. "Well, we can't let you drink alone," he said with a grin. He grabbed my hand and we followed her into the kitchen.

Eventually, Fabian joined us. We ended up spending another hour hanging out, drinking champagne, and gossiping about the charity event. I couldn't help but steal glances over at James throughout that hour. Something was different about him. The smile on his face felt real. I couldn't remember the last time that smile reached his eyes, but happiness was emanating from within. I had no idea what had happened that night between James and Remus, maybe even Sirius, too, but I was grateful for it.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

I didn't end up going to sleep like I had told James. I tossed and turned for about an hour before realizing it was completely useless. I instead chose to grab a six-pack from downstairs and enjoy it as much as I possibly could on my balcony. I use the term 'enjoy' very loosely.

I heard my door creak open behind me and moments later, I saw Sirius' shadow appear. I barely acknowledged him, taking a swig of beer.

"I thought I heard you come upstairs with clinking bottles."

I shrugged. "Want one?"

He hesitated, shaking his head. "Nah," he murmured, taking a seat beside me.

Neither of spoke, but I could tell by the way he kept peeking over at me with that mysterious glint in his eye, he was curious how my night with Sydny went. Usually, I indulge him with my anecdotes, but tonight I was feeling particularly down. I couldn't help but blame part of that on the fact that James brought up Jillian earlier.

"How do you do it, Sirius?" I eventually blurted out.

He glanced over at me, arching a confused eyebrow. "Do what?"

I frowned. "How do you make it look so easy?"

From the corner of my eye, I could tell he was staring at me with pure bewilderment. "You're going to need to elaborate," he said, snickering with amusement.

I didn't even crack a smile. I didn't respond immediately, busying myself by finishing off the rest of my beer and grabbing another one. I twisted the top off before saying, "One-night stands."

I wasn't surprised when I didn't hear a reply. It wasn't a topic that either one of us mentioned often. We more or less danced around the subject altogether. "I just do I guess."

"Doesn't it sometimes make you feel…" I trailed off, my cheeks flushing with slight embarrassment.

"Make you feel what?" he murmured, his eyes narrowing curiously.

I sighed. "Empty."

Sirius stiffened beside me, turning his gaze away from me. "Maybe I will take that beer."

I handed him one.

He twisted the top off and threw it over the balcony. Taking a long swig before finally muttering, "I stopped feeling empty a long time ago, Remus."

"What do you mean?"

He glanced down at his beer, frowning. "It means it's a lot easier feeling nothing than it is feeling empty."

"Isn't it the same thing?"

"No."

I hesitated. "Your turn to elaborate."

He simply shrugged. "There's nothing to elaborate," he argued. "I just stopped feeling…well, anything a long time ago."

I stared at him, half in awe and half in confusion. "It's just that easy, hm?" I murmured, unconvinced.

"No," he argued immediately, slowly sipping his beer. "Easy definitely isn't the word. It takes a lot to block your own damn thoughts and feelings. But hell, I'd much rather do that than feel empty inside. Because feeling empty makes you feel lonely, vulnerable, exposed, miserable. Feeling empty makes you not want to get out of bed in the morning. Feeling empty makes you want to blow off your friends. Feeling empty makes you want to drink yourself into a stupor. Feeling empty makes it impossible to laugh. Feeling empty makes you hate yourself and everyone around you."

"But feeling nothing is okay?" I snorted, ignoring the fact that Sirius seemed to know exactly what was running through my own mind.

Sirius shrugged, barely stealing a glance over in my direction. "It's easier to fake happiness when you feel nothing."

"How can you feel nothing _and_ happy at the same time?"

"You don't. Like I said, you fake it."

I frowned. Sirius was starting to scare me. All this time, I thought that Sirius had gotten over what had happened with Riley and moved on with his life. But maybe he hadn't gotten over it. Maybe he hadn't moved on. Maybe he was just pretending he had. "Are you happy, Sirius?"

I immediately notice the way he tensed up, busying himself with his beer. "Are _you_?" he retaliated.

By avoiding my question, he inevitably answered it. I offered him a look of skepticism without a response.

The question hung in the air, neither one of us able to ignore it. Silence fell over us. An awkward silence, filled with regret and anxiety.

Eventually, I turned towards Sirius and asked him a question I was curious to know the answer to. "Sirius, do you ever want to fall in love again?"

I thought he would have replied with a snort and a 'hell no,' so I was surprised to see that he paused, pursing his lips curiously. He eventually shrugged, sipping his beer hesitantly. "I guess if the right girl comes along, it's not out of the question."

Well, then he was a step ahead of me. Because the idea of dating again sounded unbearable. "How the hell are you going to find the right girl if you're so busy not feeling anything?" I pointed out with a slight smile.

Sirius shrugged. "Eh," he murmured. "That can wait. For now, I'm just looking for the right girl for right now. I'm not looking for anything long-term."

"But if you're just looking for the right girl for right _now_, how are you ever going to find out if she could be someone long-term?"

"I have no idea," he retaliated immediately. "I don't have all the answers."

"It doesn't seem like you really even have _one _answer," I pointed out, giving him a look. Truth was, I was trying to gauge my own potential future through Sirius. Maybe a part of me just wanted him to reassure me that there will come a day I'll wake up and won't immediately think of Jillian.

He didn't respond right away, his eyes drawn towards the gleaming stars in the sky. "Maybe that's a good thing," he said.

"What?"

"I don't want the answers. I don't want to know whatever it is my future holds."

I hesitated. "Because you're afraid of what it might hold?" I muttered. I put it in question form, but to me, it was fact. I agreed with Sirius. Maybe it was better to not have any of the answers. Because I sure as hell didn't want to know if I'd be living the rest of my life alone. That seemed like an awful long time to feel empty.

"I guess," he mumbled. He sighed, chugging the rest of his beer before throwing the bottle over the balcony. I made a face, knowing that James hated when Sirius did that. "You want the truth? I only said that thing about the right girl because I feel that's what I _should_ say. I feel that's what everyone wants me to say. But the truth is, sometimes I wonder if I'd just be better on my own."

He was still a step ahead of me. Because I'd rather live my life with Jillian. I hadn't gotten to the point where I wanted to live my life alone. "You don't have to lie about that, Sirius," I pointed out with a shrug. "If anyone should understand the desire to never want to be with another girl again, it's me."

He met my gaze, neither of us saying anything. Finally, he spoke. "Love blows."

I nodded, turning away from him with a sigh as I reached for another beer to toss to Sirius. "No," I murmured hesitantly. "Getting hurt blows."

He twisted the top off his beer and raised it up. "I can drink to that."

So, that's what we did. When we finished off the six-pack, Sirius went downstairs to grab another six-pack and we finished that one off, too. We didn't speak again. We didn't have to. We stared out at the night sky and I tried hard to do what Sirius had seemed to master and just feel nothing. I tried not thinking about Jillian and I tried not thinking about the past or the future. I tried just living in the moment. For a while, it seemed to work. Until the sun rose and I was reminded that another day was on the horizon where I would unfortunately not be spending with the girl of my dreams.

Have I mentioned recently that getting hurt blows?

As we watched the sky turn a faint color of orange, I saw Sirius slowly climb out of his chair, ready to head back inside. He glanced over at me. "Remus," he said softly. It was the first words spoken after four hours of silence.

"Hm?"

"Don't sleep with random girls because it's what you think you should be doing," he said. "It's just going to make you feel emptier."

Before I could even grasp his words, he was gone and I was once again, alone.

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Remus...or is it really 'poor Remus' when he gets to sleep with a hot Auror? A lot of information in that chapter - James & Lance talk about Riley, Lily meets Sydny, Sirius & Remus have a serious conversation with James about the way he's been acting, and Keegan almost attacks James and Lily with a frying pan. I don't know why but Keegan is slowly becoming one of my favorite characters - mostly because her one-liners continue to make me laugh! I also find Sydny quiet amusing. I hope you enjoy their wittiness as much as I do!

Next chapter: There are ups (lots of them) and downs (one in particular) when James makes a big decision, the guys play poker, and Remus pays too much for drinks. Stay tuned! Mostly because the next chapter is one of my favorites!


	9. Of Rings, Poker, & Coasters

**A/N:** Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! So many of you commented on how sad both Remus and Sirius seem. And they are. They definitely are. And so is James. All three of them have had to deal with a lot of loss. It will take a lot for them all to be able to bounce back. I promise you that one day all three of them will be able to look at their lives and feel genuine happiness. But it's going to take a lot for them all to get to that point. Yes, it sucks that this is where the story had to start but this is where I chose to start it. I know at one point I mentioned that this story was going to be titled **Love on the Balcony**. But I changed it because I had more ideas swirling in my head. So I started this story about nine months earlier than I thought I was going to start it. So please keep on reading (and reviewing) because while bad things may continue to happen, good things will come to all!

**Disclaimer**: Sigh. I am not J.K. Rowling. Though I did have a dream once that I was...but then I woke up and looked at my bank account and realized, nope. Not J.K. Rowling...

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 8: Of Rings, Poker, & Coasters

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

The next evening, I heard my muffled name being shouted repeatedly from downstairs. I rolled my eyes. You would think James would have learned by now that screaming in his giant mansion of a house pretty much did nothing.

Of course, that didn't stop me from yelling back at him. "I'M IN MY ROOM, JAMES!"

He continued to scream my name out a few more times, but I heard his footsteps barreling up the staircase. Momenta later, he appeared in my doorway slightly out of breath.

I glanced up from the matrix of upcoming Quidditch matches in my hand to see a goofy grin on his face. "You look creepy," I pointed out. "And why are you home so early? It's not even six o'clock."

He reached into his pocket to pull out a small black box. My mouth dropped open before he could even open it up, revealing a diamond ring inside. "What do you think?" he asked nervously.

Amused, I quirked an eyebrow. "'What do you think?'" I snorted, shaking my head. "Worst proposal ever."

"I'm not asking _you _to marry me, Padfoot!"

"What!?" I cried out, gasping dramatically. "What kind of relationship is this?"

"A platonic one," he said dryly. "Honestly, what do you think of the ring?"

"Seriously, this is the worst proposal ever."

"Fine, I'll work on it before I ask Lily to marry me," he retaliated. "What do you think of the ring?"

"You're cheating on me with Lily!?"

"Padfoot!" he barked.

I grinned. "What the hell changed your mind, James?"

He smiled, a nostalgic look gleaming in his eye, but before he could retort, a familiar voice spoke from the doorway. "I always knew you two were meant for each other."

I glanced over James' shoulder and rolled my eyes. "As James has already established, the ring isn't meant for me."

Remus smirked. "You sound disheartened by that."

I sighed. "Apparently I'm not the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with."

"As long as he keeps a refrigerator stocked with beer and leftover pizza, he will always be stuck with you, Padfoot."

"Oh, great," James sighed.

"So, sorry to be asking what I hope is an obvious question, but is that ring for Miss Lily Evans?" Remus asked, leaning casually against the doorframe with a curious gaze.

James rolled his eyes. "Well, it sure as hell isn't for Sirius," he snorted, shoving the ring in Remus' direction.

He reached for the box and gazed down at the ring that it held so prestigiously. There was a faraway glint of despair in his eyes, but the forced smile on his face told me he was trying his hardest to ignore thinking of Jillian Greene. Remus whistled, glancing down at the ring. "Jeez, this must have set you back a bit."

He shrugged. "Lily deserves it after all these years of me putting it off."

I gestured for Remus to toss the ring my way and he obliged.

"Do you think perhaps we shouldn't be throwing the ring around? Wouldn't want any of the diamonds to fall out," James joked.

"My guess is if the diamonds fall out just by throwing it around, you got ripped off," I teased, glancing down at the ring. I was definitely not an expert on diamond rings, but based on the way it was glimmering at me, I had a sneaking suspicion it was worth more than what was in my bank account. "Seriously, James, what changed your mind?"

"You guys did."

I scrunched my eyebrows, feigning bafflement. "You actually listened to us?" I mused, glancing curiously at Remus before turning back towards James. "That doesn't sound like you."

James shot me a cheeky grin. "I know. I was surprised myself. But after our talk last night, I couldn't come up with one good reason why I shouldn't marry Lily. Sure, I could come up with a million excuses, but that's sorta been my problem in the past as you both so eloquently pointed out last night."

"Eloquently, hm?" Remus said with a smirk. "Didn't realize calling you a jackass could be considered eloquent. I'll keep that in mind the next time I need to get through to you."

"When you going to ask her?" I interjected before James could retort.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't gotten that far yet."

"So you just impulsively went out and bought a ring without thinking of the details or logistics of the proposal?" Remus inquired.

James hesitated, nodding slowly. "You make that sound like a bad thing."

He chuckled. "No, not bad. I'm just surprised. You're usually so detail-oriented."

James shrugged, edging himself on to the end of my bed with a furtive smile. "Yeah," he murmured. "But I'm tired of trying to control the future. Maybe spontaneity is exactly what we all need in our lives."

"It took you long enough to figure that out," Remus said with a smile.

I handed James the ring, also pleased that he had finally come to that conclusion. For four years, Remus and I had been trying to explain that the future is unpredictable and it can't be manipulated to the way he wanted it to be. Believe me, I would know. "I say we continue with this spontaneity and head to Blarney's to celebrate," I suggested with a grin.

Remus snorted. "How is going to Blarney's spontaneous? We're there at least five times a week."

I shrugged. "Do you not want to go?"

Remus gave him a look. "Well, that's a stupid question."

I laughed, glancing towards James. "You in?"

"Do you realize that we probably spend half of our salaries at Blarney's?"

"Nah," Remus argued, an amused smile spreading across his face. "Sirius spends at least two-thirds ofhis buying drinks for girls."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't help it that the ladies like me."

"Apparently they like Remus, too," James chimed in with a cheeky grin. "Or at least Sydny does."

I took it as a good sign that James was joking about it, but I was still in disbelief that Remus took home the most gorgeous girl at the event last night while I went home empty-handed. "That's only because James caught me with her before _I_ could have my way with her," I kidded, shooting Remus a smile.

"Jealous?" Remus teased.

"You still have yet to share with me how she was in bed," I pointed out.

James' hands flew to his ears. "I really don't want to hear this!" he groaned.

I rolled my eyes, turning back to Remus. "You planning on seeing Sydny again?"

Remus shook his head. "There's a reason it's called a _one_-night stand."

"So you'd be okay with me going after her?" I teased.

"PADFOOT!" James barked.

I grinned. "I'm just kidding!" I said with a laugh, climbing off my bed. "Blarney's?"

James and Remus shared a look and both shrugged. "Blarney's," they said in unison.

I'm sure all three of us had our reasons for our strong desire to get drunk off beer that night. James for being half-excited and half-nervous about the idea of finally finding enough nerve to ask Lily to marry him. Remus for hoping to ignore the fact that his best friend was soon going to be engaged while inevitably his engagement ended in failure. And me? Well, I was just hoping and praying that it would work out for James in the end. Because I certainly knew what happened to those who lost love. Watching not only myself but also Remus go through overwhelming heartbreak, I had no desire to watch James go through the same thing. I personally might have thought that marriage was a barbaric custom, but that didn't mean I believed it was barbaric for Lily and James. I just wanted to know that love was actually real. I was tired of watching people around me get hurt. Lily and James were my last hope. And for a while, I was afraid that James would go and screw it all up. I was relieved to see him finally getting his act together and living the life he was meant to live.

"Our anniversary."

I glanced up from my beer when I heard James' voice interrupt my thoughts. "What?"

He took a long swig of his beer, a contemplative look displayed on his face. "That's when I'm going to propose. Our anniversary."

I shared an amused look with Remus. "Well, it didn't take you very long to figure out the details," he snickered.

James shrugged. "I'm trying not to control the future, but I can at least control the proposal, can't I?"

"Absolutely," I urged with a shrug. "Because I'm sure we're all going to have to hear about this stupid proposal from Lily over and over and over again so it better be damned good."

"Oh, gee, is that what you think of this? A _stupid _proposal?" James said sarcastically.

"Hey, while I think it's about damned time for the two of you to settle down together, any talk of marriage will always be considered stupid in my book," I said with a teasing grin.

James rolled his eyes. "I can't wait for the day that you get down on one knee and propose to whatever crazy girl finally had enough enchantment over you to throw your wild thoughts about marriage out the window."

"That's what we call never-gonna-happen," I retaliated, scrunching my nose. "Marriage might suit you, but it sure as hell won't for me."

Don't think I didn't notice the curious glance exchanged quickly between my two friends. After ten years, you'd think they'd realize that those looks aren't as secretive as they think they are. I knew it was a look filled with wonder. Wonder about the only girl I ever loved. But I refused to go there.

"Oh, just you wait," James said. The awkward tension disappeared just as quickly as it had formed. "One day, there will be a girl that will make you rethink your whole position on marriage."

"Don't hold your breath." And I meant it. To me, it wasn't the girl that was the issue. It was the whole institution of marriage. I don't want someone to promise to spend the rest of their life with me when the future was so unpredictable and unknown. Believe me, I knew that the word forever was a hoax. I lived my life day by day. It's the only sensible thing to do.

"Well, I'm happy for you and Lily," Remus said to James, steering the conversation away from me.

"I never said I wasn't happy for them," I pointed out. "If this is what they want, then I'm grateful to use their wedding as an excuse to pick up single chicks."

"Except all of Lily and James' female friends are in committed relationships," Remus reminded.

I swore. "Damn, what a waste. You sure you want to marry her?"

James rolled his eyes. "Pretty sure."

"Just pretty sure, hm?" I contemplated. "Does that mean it's still up for discussion? Because no need to waste a Saturday night if you're only pretty sure."

"Shut up, Padfoot, and drink your beer."

I snickered and glanced over at Remus, amused. I was surprised to see a deep frown forming on his face. A frown I couldn't read. "James," he said slowly, hesitation in his eyes, "Don't propose to Lily if you're only pretty sure and don't propose to her because it's what you _think_ you want. Make sure you know it's what you want. She deserves to be with someone who's sure of himself. And you don't deserve to go down that road if there's a chance it might be cut short. Don't rush into it if you're still hesitant."

I had no idea what to make of that and by the look on James' face, he didn't either. It almost sounded as if Remus was admitting he had asked Jillian to marry him too soon. "Remus, I was joking when I said I was pretty sure. I _am _sure. 100%," James said slowly. "It took me nearly four years to realize that I want to marry Lily, but that's where I am now. I can't think about the future without including her in it. I don't _want _to think about the future without including her in it. "

The frown that had been there seconds earlier immediately disappeared and a giddy grin replaced it. "Good. Now, I say we propose a toast." Remus raised his glass. "To James and Lily."

"Yeah, to James taking almost four years to realize he should propose to the girl he's been in love with for the past _ten_ years," I chimed in.

James glared at me. "How about we just stick with 'to James and Lily?'"

I laughed and raised my glass. "To James and Lily."

* * *

**++LILY++**

I was supposed to go out to dinner with James, our first quiet night away from work and our friends so that we can just be alone together. But Keegan put a major damper in that plan. She apparently lost the lead story to Victor Hans, an incompetent male journalist in her mind, at the _Daily Prophet_ and was determined to get drunk and rant about the opposite sex and their chauvinistic, biased viewpoints. Which meant I somehow got sucked into a Girls' Night Out.

While Keegan skipped into the shower (after already downing one beer), I apparated over to Potter Manor. Not to my surprise, I found James and Sirius hanging out in the kitchen with a few empty beers scattered around the table and a half-empty beer in each of their hands.

"Hey!" James greeted as I sauntered over, kissing him on the cheek. "I didn't think we were meeting until eight o'clock."

I cringed guiltily. "Er…"

He groaned. "Aw, Merlin, you're canceling on me, aren't you."

"Er…"

Sirius snickered. "That's a yes."

I shot him a look as I slipped into an empty chair beside my boyfriend. "I'm sorry, but-"

"There's always a but," James pouted, taking a slow swig of beer.

I scrunched up my nose sheepishly. "Keegan had a horrible day at work and requested a Girls Night Out. Somehow, I got -"

"Ah, yes, and we must all stop everything we've planned to rush to Keegan's side," Sirius drawled sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes, swiping Sirius' beer out of his hand much to his protest and finishing it off with a quick chug. "No, not _'we_,'" I retaliated. "Just me. And the other girls. She's not exactly in a guy-loving mood at the moment."

"Didn't realize she ever was."

I ignored the slight and turned back to James. "I just figured since I'm moving out next week, I could at least be there for her in the meantime when she wants to rant about the male race."

"And that's new from any other day how?"

"Do you ever shut up, Sirius?" I murmured with a teasing grin.

"No."

I chuckled ever so slightly and glanced back at James. "We will have tons of time to share meals together, just the two of us, once I move in," I pointed out.

"Now wait one minute," Sirius chimed in before James could retort. "You do realize I'll be over here every night for dinner, right? Especially if you'll be cooking."

I groaned. "We are never going to get rid of you, are we?"

He grinned, climbing out of his chair to head to the refrigerator for another beer. "Nope."

I peeked over at James. "How about we sell Potter Manor and find a secluded cottage in a forest somewhere? And we _don't _tell Sirius where we move."

"I object!" Sirius argued.

"It's not really your decision," I pointed out, wiggling my eyebrows.

"It's not yours either," he pointed out, pulling out two beers. He raised a curious eyebrow, wanting to know if I wanted one. I shook my head, knowing I needed to head out soon. "Considering it's _Potter Manor_ and you're just _Evans_. For now at least."

I noticed a frantic look pass across James' eyes as he glared at his friend, but I didn't have time to ask him about it as James retorted, "I could put a shield protection charm around the Manor, keeping Sirius from entering."

I chuckled as Sirius' eyebrows shot up in feigned shock. "You'd miss seeing my face every day," he pouted, slipping back into the chair at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, but then I'd just prance around in lingerie and James would suddenly not even remember who you were," I chimed in.

An impish grin formed on Sirius' face. "If you're prancing around in lingerie, I definitely don't want a shield protection charm on the outskirts of the house."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was rare to have a conversation with Sirius without it getting sexual somehow. I couldn't believe that for a mere second, I could have ever considered not wanting to be Sirius' friend. Sure, he could be a seductive player and sure, he could sometimes cross a line, but I had come to the realization that that was Sirius Black. And when he wasn't being a jerk, he was being one hell of a good friend. "Remind me to draw the blinds and double-lock the doors any time you and I are going to have sex in this house," I said to my boyfriend, shooting Sirius an amused look from the corner of my eye.

"That sounds like very exciting foreplay," James murmured.

Laughter filled the kitchen. "Well, maybe later tonight we can practice the art of foreplay," I said softly, winking at him.

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "Perfect. I'll be here, too. Shall we say midnight?"

I threw a bottlecap at him. He ducked, laughing. "Or not," he added.

"Yeah, let's go with that," I said, glancing down at my watch. "Okay, I should head back."

"Fine, go ahead with the girls," James pouted, glancing over at Sirius. "We'll be enjoying a Guys Night In."

"Er...we will?"

James glared at him.

"I mean, we will!"

"Smooth," I snickered, shooting Sirius a look as I rushed out of the chair to kiss my boyfriend's cheek. "You enjoy your spur-of-the-moment guys night. I'll catch up with you later?"

"Who said it was spur of the moment?" James muttered.

I laughed, running my fingers through his hair. "Enjoy playing poker." I winked and headed out of the kitchen.

"Why do you assume that's what we're going to play?" he cried out after me.

"It's what you always play!" I called back.

Sirius hesitated. "I'll get the cards, you get the guys?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. They could be so predictable sometimes.

* * *

**++ALICE++**

I have no idea how I got dragged to Blarney's on a Monday night, but somehow that's where I was. Frank and I were getting ready to order a pizza and enjoy a night in when Keegan and Lily appeared outside my door and James' head popped into our fireplace. The words 'Girls Night Out' were uttered to me and I swear I think James said something about a poker game, so a mere ten minutes later, our flat was left empty.

"This whole Girls Night Out thing was a lot more fun when we were strolling for men," Keegan joked, sipping her cosmopolitan lightly.

"I think you mean when _you _were strolling for men," Lily snorted. "The rest of us have been in committed relationships for four years."

"Or six," I chimed in with a smile. I sometimes still couldn't believe it had been six years since Frank and I got together. I can still remember the night after Hufflepuff won the Quidditch match against Slytherin and a party erupted in our common room. I ended up on the balcony for some fresh air and much to my excited surprise, Frank was there, too. It was the night he asked me out for the first time. It just so happened to also be the first night we kissed. After hearing a few stories from Lily about the Gryffindor balcony, I wondered if those balconies were laced with some Love Potions.

Keegan made a face. "Please don't tell me this is about to turn into a my-guy-is-cuter-than-yours discussion."

"Nah," I argued, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. "Because we all know I'd win."

"That's why James was chosen as _Witch Weekly's '_Sexiest Auror of the Year' last year, hm?" Lily said with a playful grin.

I pouted. "Frank was jipped."

"So was Fabian!" Keegan contested. "You'd think that with me having worked at _Witch Weekly _for a year would have put Fabian further up than fifth."

"That's what we call biased favoritism, my dear roomie," Lily pointed out. "And do they even know you're dating him?"

She hesitated. "Probably not," she said with a grin. "Maybe I'll put in a good word for this year's contest."

"Cheater!" I whined.

"Lance should have won last year," Kay finally chimed in.

We all turned to her, confused.

"Oh, except for the fact that he's not an Auror."

Laughter spread across the table.

"But other than that minor detail, he totally could have won," she continued with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I hear the ladies really go for the whole bookworm thing," I drawled sarcastically. "Oh, no wait, the three of us would rather go for the whole ruggedly handsome Auror fighting crime thing."

"Ah, yes, but when your boyfriends are working fifteen-hour days or being pulled away on some unknown mission where they have to leave at a drop of the hat and are unable to inform you of their departure, mine will always come home to me every night and still be there every morning I wake up."

I opened my mouth to argue but damnit, she had a point. That was the one drawback of having an Auror fiancé. Sometimes, I had no idea where he was and if he was safe. And being an Auror myself, it was always easy thinking of the worst possible scenario. So many Aurors in the past had been sent on missions never to return. I've been to too many of my coworkers and friends' funerals over the past three years to be naïve in thinking it could never happen to Frank. Or to me.

"Damn," Lily sighed, frowning.

"Didn't mean to depress you guys," Kay murmured guiltily, probably noting the concern in all of our eyes.

"Nah," Lily said with a strained smile. "It's not depressing. It's true."

Keegan sighed, shaking her head in disbelief. "What happened to not talking about guys tonight?" It was her attempt at breaking the tension.

"I'm pretty sure you were the one who said you wanted to rantabout the opposite sex tonight, hm?" Lily pointed out.

"Yes, rant about the chauvinistic male gender," she muttered with a grunt, "Not discuss our significant others who as far as I know aren't chauvinistic. At least, last I checked, none of you were dating Sirius Black."

I chuckled, thinking way back to my days at Hogwarts. "Been there, done that."

The shocked look on Keegan's face made the rest of us burst into laughter. "To be fair, I was fourteen and every single girl at Hogwarts had a huge crush on him," I added. "Sadly, that included me."

"And you dated him for all of a week and a half," Lily reminded me.

"Please tell me that was the worst week and a half of your life," Keegan murmured, shuddering as she finished off her cosmopolitan.

"Sadly, no," I argued with a shrug. "Though if I'm comparing my past relationships, mine with Sirius was only slightly better than my relationship with Fabian, that's for sure."

"Er, come again?"

I laughed, enjoying the panic-stricken look on Keegan's face. "Oh, yeah, didn't Fabian ever mention that to you?"

"Hm, no, he must have left that part out."

I grinned. "I was thirteen. It lasted six days."

Keegan glared at me. "I wouldn't call that a relationship."

"Neither would I," I admitted with a nostalgic laugh. It was a rare occasion that I felt safe and secure in the wizarding world, but I often felt that way when speaking of Hogwarts. It was easier being naïve and unaware of the turmoil and dangers that Voldemort was presenting to the entire wizarding population when you were at a school destined to show you greatness. Sure, we read about the death tolls and the emersion of the war and the capturing of Death Eaters, but that didn't make it real to us. I enjoyed just being a kid. And the moment I graduated and entered into the Auror apprenticeship, my youth had become something of the past. I had to grow up pretty damned fast. I was just so grateful for Frank for always reminding me how to stay grounded. Without him, I wouldn't know how to smile. "Not when comparing it to Frank at least," I added with a smile.

"Please tell me you were a virgin when you got together with Frank," Keegan murmured.

I blushed slightly but shrugged. Keegan was always so blunt. But seeing as the rest of us aren't, she somehow managed to make our group whole. "Yes," I admitted. "The only thing I ever did with Fabian was hold hands."

"And Sirius?" she teased.

"You really want to know?" I chuckled. Truth was, we fooled around a bit (okay, a lot), but we never had sex. I wasn't about to allow some womanizer make a fool out of me by taking my V-card.

Keegan made a face, staring down at her empty glass. "Good point. Some things are better left unsaid." The waitress came around to our table and we all got another round of drinks. We were probably up to our fourth. Maybe fifth. I lost count.

"In the end, that's why we keep our guys around, isn't it?" Lily chimed in with a cheeky grin.

"What is?"

"Sex," she teased.

Hm, based on that statement, Lily might already be up to six drinks. "Amen to that!" Keegan agreed, clinking her empty glass to Lily's nearly empty gin and tonic.

"This conversation took an awkward turn," I murmured.

"Oh, please, like you and Frank didn't go at it tonight before we rudely interrupted," Lily giggled, sharing a look with Keegan.

My ears turned pink. I wondered what gave it away. "That is so none of your business," I murmured.

Lily and Keegan high-fived, clearly amused by my slight discomfort.

"So even though you work with the guy and are with him nearly 24/7, you still have the desire to have sex with him at every given chance?" Kay asked me, enjoying the change in conversation.

I shrugged, grateful that Melinda, the pretty waitress that all the guys flirted with, showed up with our next round of drinks. I was suddenly wishing I had ordered a shot of tequila instead of a beer. "Of course," I murmured with a shrug. "I'm always going to be sexually attracted to him. Even six years later." I paused and had no idea what possessed me to add with an impish smile, "It's especially fun trying to come up with interesting places at the office to have sex."

Gasps filled the table. "Who knew Alice could be so frisky!" Keegan chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief. "And here I thought Fabian and I were the kinky ones."

I shuddered, hearing from Frank over the years the ridiculous sexual escapades that Fabian has encountered. "Oh, believe me, I'm sure you are."

Keegan grinned at that thought, wiggling her eyebrows.

"How many times a week do you and Frank have sex, Alice?" Lily asked curiously.

"Why the hell do you want to know that?" I groaned.

"Because I'm six drinks in," she responded almost immediately.

Aha, I knew it was six. "So drunkenness makes you want to know about my sex life?" I snickered, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Oh, just answer the question," Keegan interrupted, her eyes shining impishly.

I couldn't help but chuckle at the curious looks on my three friends' faces. "At least twice a week. Three now that we recently got engaged. Let me tell you, if you want more sex, just get engaged. It really helps."

I noticed the flicker of regret on Lily's face, but Kay chimed in before I could comment. "I can attest to that," Kay giggled, clinking glasses with me.

Keegan shook her head. "No thanks. Besides, Fabian and I have plenty of sex without it. We might not live together, but it makes it that much more exciting when we do meet up."

"Ah, yes, and _I _can attest to that," Lily murmured with a shudder. "You should really try and soundproof your room more often."

Keegan grinned. "I'm not about to stop in the heat of the moment just to silence the room."

Lily merely shrugged. "Thank Merlin I'm moving out." But there was a smile on her face. "But please tell me that moving in with James won't hinder our sex life any more than our jobs have."

We didn't have to ask her what she meant by that. We all knew that both she and James often let their relationship take a backseat to their relationship. "Oh, no, it just makes it better," Kay argued with a grin. "Because now whenever either one of you are horny, the other is right there."

Lily couldn't help but laugh, a look of relief passing across her face. "Well, that's reassuring," she said, gazing towards Keegan. "Now, remind me why you wanted to rant about the opposite sex?"

She squinted her eyes curiously, chewing on the end of her fingernail like she often did when she was feeling randy. "I've somehow forgotten."

"I say we finish these drinks and head over to Potter Manor," I suggested, suddenly feeling very seductive and in desperate need of Frank to be on the other end of whatever seduction I could think of.

"Amen to that!" Keegan said.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

"Who needs a beer?" I asked, sauntering into the game room with a twenty-four-pack in my hand. I was so grateful when James had popped into work earlier letting me know he was having Poker Night that night. I was in desperate need of a distraction from all that's happened recently. Mainly, I couldn't stop thinking about Jillian ever since James told me he was proposing to Lily. I had meant what I said to him at the bar on Sunday. He better only propose to Lily if he knows it's what he wants. Otherwise, one of them was just going to get hurt in the end.

A chorus of cries broke out as they all eagerly greeted me. Then again, they were probably more eager for the beer. I passed the beers out and left one for myself, summoning the rest into the mini-fridge.

"I feel like this group gets bigger each time we play," Frank joked, opening a bag of pretzels. He grabbed a handful for himself and passed them along to Lance.

"That's probably because it does," Caleb snorted. "It's a good thing Drew's still on that honeymoon of his or we'd need three decks."

"When does he get back?" Peter asked.

"Next Sunday," James responded as he shuffled the two decks together.

"Wow, has it really been a month already since their wedding?" I couldn't help but contemplate.

James nodded. "I know, November went by fast."

Or maybe life was just moving too fast.

"Do he and Dezzy know that you're moving in with Lily on the Saturday before they get back?" Fabian asked curiously, one of his eyebrows shooting up curiously.

James grinned sheepishly. "Not exactly."

"Oh, sure, so they're just going to pop their heads in on Sunday evening and you're hoping to drag them into helping you unpack Lily's stuff?" Frank snorted.

James shrugged. "It's a lot easier getting help from your friends when they're unaware of what's going on."

"That didn't stop you from asking the rest of us to help move Lily's stuff next Saturday afternoon," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief.

James chucked a pretzel at me. "I believe you were the one who asked me first to help _you _move next Friday."

I grinned as James started to deal the cards. Sirius and I were moving into our new flat on the following Friday evening, leaving Saturday wide open for Lily's move. "Yes, because I promised you pizza and beer. I don't remember you promising me anything in return to help you move."

"My eternal gratitude?"

"Yeah, I'm going to need more than that."

A round of chuckles ensued. We all placed our initial bets as we continued to discuss our upcoming moves. I'm not sure how Lily convinced Keegan of it, but somehow, Sirius and I signed a lease for the flat across the hall from their own flat. Then again, if it was anything like my tactic, Lily probably didn't tell Keegan until after I signed. But it was one hell of a deal for the area of town it was in so I wasn't about to turn it down no matter how frustrated Sirius was with me. I had promised him the big bedroom and I told him I'd paid for his drinks for the next month at Blarney's. This was naturally before I remembered how often Sirius goes there.

Only an hour into the poker game, I was losing miserably. I don't know why I thought I enjoyed these games. I somehow always managed to lose. "Y'know James, you're not going to have a lot of opportunities to have Poker Night once your lady moves in," Caleb pointed out as he dealt out the cards.

James hesitated as he took a look at his hand. "Except for those nights when we'll fight and she'll storm out, giving me ample chance to call you all over."

Sirius glanced over at him, amused. "I'm pretty sure you're supposed to avoidfighting with her."

He shrugged. "Hey, whatever it takes to make Poker Night happen, right?"

"Aw, so glad you're willing to sacrifice the happiness of your girlfriend just to arrange a silly Poker Night," I snorted. "It's a wonder she's still with you."

"Eh, once she moves in with him she'll realize the past four years were a big mistake," said Lance, laughing as James shot him a glare.

"I'm pretty sure we all thought the same thing when Kay moved in with you but somehow you managed to keep her sticking around," James snorted.

"Sexual favors," he responded immediately.

Boisterous laughter filled the room. "Ah yes, and I'm sure you're bummed that you have to dole those out so often," Sirius retorted with an impish grin.

"Nice use of the word 'bum,'" I joked, betting two galleons on my pair of eights.

Sirius ignored my lame attempt at a joke. "I don't know how you all get satisfaction from fucking the same girl all the damned time. I think picking up the girl is half the fun."

"Hm, and trying to remember what her name is the next morning is the other half?" Fabian joked.

"This coming from the guy who six months ago was also hitting on girls at random bars," Sirius pointed out, as the rest of the group threw their galleons into the pile.

"Yeah, six months ago," Fabian reaffirmed. "Times have a-changed, m'friend."

"For you maybe," Sirius argued, as Caleb passed out another round of cards to us.

"You ever gonna settle down, Sirius?" Frank asked curiously, betting another two galleons.

"And why the hell would I want to do that?" he snorted. "I fold." He tossed his cards over to Caleb.

Frank shrugged abruptly. "Hey, I was just curious. A lot of people who don't think they're ever going to settle down often get married."

"Yeah, take me for example," Lance chimed in with an amused smile, throwing his cards back to Caleb as well. "I thought I was going to be a bachelor for life. Then in walked Kay."

"Bachelorhood suits me," Sirius defended with a curt shrug. I wondered if he actually believed those words or if he had just gotten so used to saying them.

"And Remus too, apparently," said Fabian with a snort.

I perked up at my name, matching Frank's bet. "Heh?"

"I hear you went home with a fellow coworker of ours on Saturday night."

"What?" Lance cried out in surprise, throwing his cards into the pile. "Who?"

"Slaughterhouse Syd," Fabian, Caleb, Frank, and Sirius all said in unison.

The tips of my ears turned pink and I stole a glance over at Sirius. I knew that James wouldn't have gone spreading the details of me and Sydny around so that only left Sirius. "Did you tell the entire Auror Department?"

He shrugged, a grin forming on his face. "Would you expect anything less from me?"

"Alas, no," I sighed. Frank and I showed our cards and for the first time all night, I finally won. "Alright!" I said, pulling the pile of money towards me.

"Damn, you've been losing all night," Frank whined.

"So you really slept with Sydny?" Lance cried out in amusement, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I thought we moved past that," I whined.

"So how was she?" Frank dared to ask with a boyish grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Why is it that that's always the first question people ask?"

"Uh, because she's hot," Caleb teased, passing the cards over to Fabian to dole out.

"Careful or I might go telling on you to Shannon," I chimed in.

"Eh, she won't care. She's hot, too."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Ah, yes. Remind me, when is that kid of yours supposed to be popping out anyway?"

"Don't change the subject," Caleb protested. He hesitated. "And two months."

I grinned. I knew he couldn't resist. Caleb was so excited about being a father and honestly, I think the rest of us were just as excited for him. He was the first one out of our gang to be expecting a baby and I think we were all somewhat enjoying getting caught up with the hype of it all. "Can you believe that in just two months, you're-"

"I said don't change the subject," he scowled. "C'mon, we're guys. We dole out details. It's in our nature. Why so secretive?"

"Because it's none of your business," I snorted, flashing him a grin as Fabian passed out the cards.

"I beg to differ. Pretty sure it's the entire Auror department's business," he teased.

I glared at Sirius. "Don't you ever keep your mouth shut?"

He glanced down at his cards with a snicker. "I'm pretty sure you know the answer to that already."

"You can't sleep with Sydny and not expect us to want details," Caleb pointed out.

"As in _Slaughterhouse_?"

All of us turned towards the familiar female voice in the doorway. Kay strolled in, quickly followed by the rest of the girls.

"Shouldn't you still be ranting about guys right now?" Sirius snorted, leaning back in his chair as he finished off his beer.

"It turned into guy-loving night instead," Alice said with a giggle, wrapping her arms around her fiancé's neck from behind.

"Mm, I like the sound of that," he whispered, kissing the back of her hand.

"Ew, not me," Sirius chimed in, pretending to gag.

Keegan rolled her eyes. "Just because you're not getting any lovin' tonight doesn't mean you need to harsh our mellow."

"First of all, who says I'm not?" Sirius retaliated with narrowed eyes. "I've still got time to go to Blarney's. Second of all, did you really just use the phrase 'harsh our mellow?'"

She giggled, summoning a chair and squeezing in between Fabian and myself. "I may have had a few too many cosmopolitans tonight," she admitted, glancing at her boyfriend's cards. "Ooh, a flush, nice!"

Fabian quirked an eyebrow. "The whole point of poker is to not reveal your hand until the last round."

"Oh," she said with a smile. "No wonder I was always so bad at it."

"Well, I fold," James whined, throwing his hand down.

"I'm all in!" Peter said with a grin.

Fabian sighed. "I guess I'm out." He shot Keegan a look. "Whatever happened to Girls Night Out?"

"We got horny," Kay responded immediately.

Eyebrows shot up around the green felt table. "Er...come again?" I dared to ask.

"That's kinda the idea," Lily teased, winking playfully as she slipped on to James' lap with a grin.

The tips of James' ears grew red at the sexual innuendo. "What the hell were you girls talking about tonight?"

"Oh, please, like you guys don't dive into talk of sex when we're not around," Keegan pointed out, all too knowingly.

Silence proceeded, all of us glancing around frantically, hoping someone would have a good response.

No such luck.

"I'm pretty sure you were conversing about a sexual relation of a certain petite blonde-haired female Auror and our friend, Remus, when we walked in," Lily spoke, her eyebrow perking upward.

"When exactly did this happen?" Kay asked, her eyes lighting up curiously.

"Okay, we are officially squashing this conversation!" I groaned, making a face. I wasn't used to my sex life being the topic of conversation with the group. That conversation was typically targeted towards Sirius.

"Dude, you bagged the hottest girl in the room on Saturday and you expect us to leave it alone?" Sirius snorted.

"Hey!" a chorus of female voices cried out.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Er…I meant the hottest single girl," he drawled sarcastically. "Ow!" he cried as a fistful of cards were strewn at his face by Alice and Kay.

"Someone please change the subject," I muttered with a whimper.

James chuckled, kissing the side of his girlfriend's face. "Is it our turn to know what you all discussed tonight at Blarney's?"

"Sex. Haven't we already been over this?" Lily whispered, running her fingers along James' hairline.

"Oh, gee, thanks for being specific," Sirius spoke with an impish grin on his face.

Lily rolled her eyes, kissing the soft skin underneath James' ear. "Do you want me to tell you what we talked about or just show you?" she whispered.

"Well, this game is officially over!" James said, picking Lily up off his lap and whisking her out of the room.

"Hm, I think Shannon is calling my name," Caleb spoke, jumping out of his chair.

"You're whipped, Gilmore!" Sirius called out as Caleb rushed out of the room, flipping him off.

Sirius glanced to his right and saw Keegan and Fabian snogging. I glanced to my left and took note of Kay crawling into Lance's lap with a seductive look. Peter looked across the table and saw the impish look on Alice and Frank's faces.

Sirius sighed. "Blarney's?"

Peter and I nodded. "Blarney's."

I didn't even care that I was stuck footing Sirius' bill that night.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

Before we could rush up the stairs, my lips were crushing Lily's hurriedly. "Why are you so beautiful?" I whispered, carrying her up the winding stairwell.

She blushed, smiling shyly as she ran the back of her fingers up the side of my face. "Why are you so wonderful?"

I chuckled, brushing my lips against the temple of her forehead, my lips pushing a strand of hair from her face. "Nah, you'll probably find out that I'm not so wonderful when you move in here," I teased.

She laughed, pressing her forehead to mine. She got quiet, a nostalgic smile framing her face. "Not possible, Mr. Potter."

I stared into her sparkling green eyes as I reached the top of the stairwell and headed into my bedroom. Soon to be our bedroom. I shut the door behind me and as she wrapped her legs around my waist, I pressed her up against the cool of the door, my eyes never straying from hers. "I love you, Lily," I spoke, pressing my lips fervently against hers. My hands roamed upward on her back, underneath her silk shirt as I hugged her closer to me.

We snogged like two crazy school kids, needing each other, _wanting _each other. It was as if I was touching her for the first time, my hands unable to find one resting place. They first dug into her hair, then they slid down her shoulders, next they were clutching her tight ass, and they were climbing underneath her shirt. Where my hands weren't touching, my lips were. Her skin was so hot, so fiery, and yet so unbelievably soft. I couldn't get enough of her.

She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck as we pulled apart, desperate to breathe. She smiled shyly, stopping her lips only centimeters away from mine. "Damn, I am never breaking a date with you again," she whispered.

"Oh, yes, that will teach you to blow me off for Keegan," I teased, planting my lips on her nose.

She giggled, scrunching her nose up. "Never again," she said, shaking her head hastily. "Absolutely never-"

I didn't let her finish, cutting her off with another kiss.

* * *

**++KAY++**

"I have something I need to tell you," I whispered later that night, laying naked in the arms of the most gorgeous fiancé in the world.

He pressed his lips to my cheek. "Alright."

"You can't tell anyone."

My eyebrow arched curiously. "You've officially intrigued me."

"I told James I wouldn't tell anyone," I continued hesitantly. "Though to be fair, he had to assume I would tell you since you're my fiancé."

"Are you trying to work me up?"

"But I promised it would be kept under wraps, so please keep it a secret. Even from your brothers."

"Are you actually going to tell me or just continue pontificating until you decide against it?"

I grinned, turning around in his arms and running the back of my fingers down the side of his face. "James is going to propose to Lily."

His eyes widened in shock. "_What_?"

I smiled. "You heard me."

"I thought that kid was going to forever be against marriage!"

"I know."

"What changed his mind?"

I shrugged slowly. "I can't be sure," I admitted. "All I know is that he showed up at the hospital last week begging me for ring advice."

"Begging?"

I chuckled. "Maybe not begging, but he was clearly clueless and yet on a total high. He knew I would be able to help. So we went ring shopping."

He smiled, leaning over to kiss me. "So you helped him pick out the ring?"

"Of course. No man can ever choose a diamond ring without the brilliant help of a woman's intuition."

He glanced at me with a quirked eyebrow.

"So which female in your life helped you pick out this gorgeous rock?" I teased, fingering the diamond my own engagement ring.

He laughed, kissing my shoulder. "You have no faith in my ring-choosing abilities?"

"Lily? Your mom? Alice? Dezzy?"

He pouted. "Do you love the ring?"

I smiled. "Almost as much as I love you," I whispered.

"Then does it matter who in the end chose it?"

I hesitated curiously, eventually shrugging. "So Lily? Your mom? Alice? Dezzy?"

He laughed, showering me with kisses. My cheeks, forehead, neck, and eventually his lips crashed with my own. Kissing Lance never got old.

"So when is James going to propose to Lily?" he asked, his lips kissing my jawline right below my ear.

I smiled, running my fingers through his hair. "I have no idea. Actually, I'm pretty sure _he _has no idea. The engagement ring was definitely an impulse buy."

"That's a pretty large impulse buy," he teased.

I laughed, shrugging. "He needs more impulse in his life."

"Yeah," he agreed with a sad smile. "He does. I just hope he starts enjoying his life instead of fearing it."

"You noticed that, too, hm?"

He nodded.

"Marrying Lily will be a step towards that," I muttered.

"I agree. I'm glad he's finally proposing to her," he whispered, brushing my hair out of my face with his lips. "It's about time he realized that love can actually conquer all. If you let it."

My heart skipped a beat at the adoration twinkling in his eyes. "You really think so?"

"I know so," he responded almost immediately, pressing his forehead to mine. "I know that no matter what is going on in my life or what's going on in the wizarding world, I can come home to you and suddenly everything can feel safe again. I love you so much, Kay."

My heart melted at the sincerity of his words. "Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve someone like you," I murmured. "I look at James and Lily and see how fear controls their lives instead of the other way around and I watch Fabian and Keegan walk on eggshells around each other afraid to discuss the past or the future and I notice that it took six years for Frank to propose to Alice and…and I realize how lucky you and I are. I don't want to turn out like any of them."

"We won't," he reassured, propping himself up on his elbow curiously. "As long as we continue to believe that love can conquer all, we'll never end up like any of them."

"Promise?"

"Always," he whispered.

I hated to admit it but there had been times in the past where I wondered if my relationship with Lance was boring. But hell, I'd take boredom over fear any day.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I loved waking up to James. I loved feeling his strong arms wrapped around me and I loved that feeling of security when I gazed up at his restful eyes. It was one of the few times he ever looked completely comfortable and peaceful. Every time he opened his eyes, that comfort and peace seemed to be replaced with pure fear and panic. There were so many times I just wanted to preserve those early morning moments where for a split second everything felt as if it might turn out alright. Those early moments that occurred right before the fear of whatever the rest of the day could bring us inevitably settled in.

"I can feel you staring at me."

I jumped at the sound of his voice and grinned sheepishly, not that he could see it. His eyes still remained shut, but he wrapped his arm tighter around me, drawing him into the nook of his bare shoulder as he kissed my hair.

"I can't help that my boyfriend just so happens to have one smokin' body," I teased, pressing my lips lightly against his shoulder blade.

He smiled as his eyes fluttered open. He turned to stare down at me, running his fingers through my knotty hair. "You're not so bad looking yourself," he whispered, his voice sincere and caring. He kissed me, letting his lips dance playfully against mine. "This never gets old."

"What doesn't?"

"This," he repeated with a smile. "You and me. Waking up naked next to each other. Holding each other. Kissing each other."

"Loving each other?"

His eyebrow rose curiously. "Do you even have to ask?"

I immediately shook my head, a sad smile creeping on my face as I gazed up at my boyfriend, nostalgia suddenly rushing through me.

"What?" he asked, probably sensing my hesitance.

I shook my head. "Is it weird that…" I slowly trailed off, searching for the right wording.

"Yeah?"

I shrugged, letting my fingers graze his chest sensually. "I don't know," I mused. "Is…is it weird that it's almost been four years since we first got together and yet I love you just as much now than I did back then. Probably even more. Is it weird that sometimes it's hard to believe we've been together for four years? Is it weird that…that being with you has never been weird?"

"What about the first six years of our acquaintance?"

I chuckled. "Hating you wasn't weird. It was natural."

"Oh, gee, thanks!"

"Back _then_, it was natural," I corrected with a grin. "But don't worry. I'm almost totally over that feeling of hatred now."

"Oh, that's how you want to play it, hm?" he teased, laughing as he swiftly drew his arm from underneath me and turned to blow a raspberry on my bare stomach.

I couldn't help but shriek, breaking out into a squealing laugh. "That tickles!"

"That's kinda the idea," he said, winking as he left his fingers creep slowly up my midriff towards my exposed breasts.

He pressed his lips softly against my cleavage, letting his eyes dart up to meet my own sensual gaze. "What do you think of playing hooky today?" he murmured, twisting his free hand in a lock of my hair.

"Hah! Come find me when that's a real suggestion," I snorted, knowing that James Potter would never take a day off work for any reason. He wouldn't take an _hour _off work.

He slowly sat upright, tucking my hair behind my ear as he gazed into my eyes. "I'm serious, Lily."

I couldn't help but what I said next. "Ah, well that explains it. Sirius Black certainly does know how to play hooky." Yes, I know a play on the word 'serious' and 'Sirius' was the lamest joke in the book.

He laughed, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Not exactly what I meant."

"I know," I said, kissing him. "But I also know that you have never once taken a personal day off work in the entire three years that you've been an Auror. In fact, you usually choose to work weekends on top of those already five brutal days a week."

"I just want to spend time with you," he urged, his voice filled with a strange sense of pleading.

I glanced up at him in surprise, realizing he was actually being sincere. "You really are being serious, aren't you."

He nodded, showing me he was serious by pressing his lips to mine hungrily, almost aggressively. "C'mon, let's go somewhere," he urged, twirling a lock of my hair in his hand absentmindedly.

"I-I can't today," I said remorsefully, my heart sinking. "I have-"

"Fine, not today. I get it. Kinda last minute. But what about this weekend? Let's just…get away from it all. What do you say?"

I glanced at him hesitantly. It was the same hesitance I always had flickering in my eyes. I was worried about James. Always have been, always will. And I knew that there had been times that James called me out on it, told me he hated that look of sympathy I couldn't help but offer him frequently. I tried not worrying about him. I tried just letting him live his life, no matter how constricted that life appeared to be. But eventually, James slowly grew to appreciate the overwhelming concern I clearly had for him. Maybe because he was afraid that the moment that concerned glint in my eyes deteriorated was the moment that our relationship would deteriorate. Because how could I not be concerned for him after everything he has been through? I tried so hard to not be so foolishly worried, knowing there wasn't I could do to change the past. To change what has happened to him. The only thing I could do was try to make him less concerned about his own life. I tried so desperately to make everything better. I tried so hard to just make him feel safe and good about his life. I just wanted the world, _his world_, to be a nurturing one once again.

Unfortunately, I was coming to the realization that that nurturing world was never going to make its way back into James' life.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked ultimately, my eyes growing soft with adoration.

"Anywhere," he responded with a deep sigh. "I just want to be with you. That's all I could ever want."

I blushed. Four years later, and I was still blushing at his endearing compliments. "Is this going to be a trip where we just spend most of our time in the bedroom?" I teased.

He grinned. "Good Godric, I hope so!"

I laughed before kissing him. "Then I think it might be possible for me to tear myself away from work for a weekend."

"Oh, gee, don't strain yourself over the decision to spend time with me than in the office on a _Saturday_," he teased.

I shot him a look. "Tell me when the last Saturday was that you _didn't_ do work."

He cringed, chuckling. "Dezzy's wedding?"

"You spent two hours in the morning at the office practicing advanced wand spells."

"Damn, I was hoping you wouldn't remember that."

I laughed and he instinctively smiled. Which pleased me. I knew that even in the darkest of times, my laugh could always uplift his mood. "I remember everything about you, James Potter."

I could see the adoration in his eye as he leaned over to kiss me. "I love you, Lily Evans. Did you know that?"

My heart flickered with so much love for him. But I merely shrugged. "I thought it might be a possibility. I am rather loveable," I spoke casually.

"You are indeed," he responded with a wink, his telltale boyish grin spreading along his jawline. "As long as I'm the only one doing the actual loving of you."

I shrugged coyly. "Mostly you. Sirius and I do our loving while you're at work."

He let out an overdramatic gasp before mussing up my hair playfully. I shrieked, ducking at his touch. "Alright, alright!" I squealed, smacking his arm. "You, and you alone, can do the actual loving of me."

He smiled, planting a kiss against my lips. "That's what I like to hear."

I smiled and nestled my head against his chest. "So where are we going this weekend?"

"I don't know. Somewhere in the country? To the coast? Italy? France? Who cares. The world can be our oyster."

"Muggle phrase?" I said in awe. "I'm impressed."

He grinned. "I've been around you enough to pick up a few Muggle phrases here and there."

"Now tell me what an oyster is and I'll be even more impressed."

He cringed. "A thing you put your beverage on to prevent rings on the table?"

I roared with laughter. Merlin, his ignorance about Muggle ways made me laugh far too often. "That would be a _coaster_."

"Ah. I knew that didn't seem right. Why would anyone compare the world with a cloaster?"

"Coaster, dear."

"That too."

I giggled, propping my chin up against his chest to gaze up at him with a curious expression resting on my face. "James, you do realize that I'm moving in with you next weekend, right?"

"Yes, I have realized that," he sniggered. "Considering I'm the one who asked you to move in with me, it's not something I can easily forget."

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help but grin at his jesting self. "So exactly why, per se, are you so desperate to get away for a weekend with me when starting next week, we're going to be spending an awful lot of time together?"

He shook his head. "This getaway is in no correlation to our plans to move in together," he urged. "I just…" he frowned, shrugging as he reached over and ran his fingers lightly up my hairline, playing with a stray piece of my hair absentmindedly. "I love you, Lily," he said with so much sincerity. "And I feel like I don't tell you or show you nearly enough."

"I don't need you to tell me or show me anything in order for me to know how much you love me, James," I said softly, placing my hand over his and leaning into his soft touch against my face.

He didn't say anything immediately, merely grabbing my attention with his smoldering hazel eyes. "I just want to spend an entire uninterrupted weekend with you where we can just forget about everything and everyone else and just focus on what's important. Which right now, is just you and me."

I kissed the tip of his nose lightly before resting my lips against his. "Don't be getting all mushy romantic on me, Potter, or it might ruin your reputation," I teased.

"Eh, I don't care about a reputation," he spoke with a wink. "I just care about you."

"It's things like that I'm going to have to repeat to Alice, Kay, and Keegan. Who will then repeat it to Frank, Lance, and Fabian. And then you're just going to be the butt of everyone's jokes for weeks. Months probably."

"Ah, but you forget that with Sirius around, no one else will ever be the butt of everyone's jokes for long."

I laughed, knowing he was right. "So once again, I must bring up the fact that I'm moving next week."

"Yes, we've established that already. Don't tell me you're having cold feet," he teased, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"_No_," I quickly urged, shaking my head. "But I'm pretty sure a better use of my time this weekend should be on _packing_."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Nonsense. You have the evenings of rest of this week and all of next week. That's plenty of time."

"For you maybe. I'm a girl. Do you know how long it will take to just pack my _shoes_?" I teased, flashing him a smile.

He sighed overdramatically, rolling his eyes in an ostentatious way. "Well, I guess I could help you pack."

For some reason, that thought amused me so. "Oh, right, because that wouldn't end up with us ignoring the need to pack so we could shag senseless?" I teased.

"Exactly why I offered."

I couldn't help but laugh, shaking my head incredulously. Was it really possible for me to be this happy? I sighed, realizing in that moment that I could care less about the many boxes that needed to be packed full of my things. If James wanted to get away for a weekend with me, I was most definitely going to jump on it. "Y'know, I think Kay's family has a cabin up in the mountains. I can see if maybe she'd let us use it this weekend."

He smiled at me. A real smile filled with love and devotion. I didn't realize how much I had missed that smile until now. "That sounds perfect," he whispered.

For the first time in a long time, it looked like things might turn out okay.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

Where did the impulsive weekend getaway come from? I couldn't be sure. But the moment I ran frantically into St. Mungo's and requested Kay's help to buy a ring, I've felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. She wasn't just a part of my life. She _was _my life. And for so long I took that for granted. I expected her to be there for me in so many aspects yet I haven't exactly been emotionally present for her. For _us_. And I knew that one weekend wasn't going to change the wary distance I had put between myself and Lily at some point during the past four years. But it was a start. And Lily and I deserved a fresh start. I didn't want to let the turmoil occurring in a world that ws far bigger than me control the things I did.

Unfortunately, the world had an entirely different idea planned for us.

* * *

**++KAY++**

I think I spent more time at Blarney's than I did at my apartment. That Thursday, we all found ourselves there. Keegan had been hanging out at Lance's bookstore editing an article when Fabian walked in to meet up with her. They were going to go to dinner but naturally Lance convinced us all it would be better to grab a few burgers and pints at Blarney's. To none of our surprise, Sirius, Remus and Peter were already there when we wandered in. It only took a few seconds to reach out to James and Lily who apparated to the bar in just a few short seconds. They were mid-pack (both for their weekend trip and for Lily's move next week) and were happy to have an excuse to take a break.

Three hours later, we were all a few beers (and perhaps a few shots) in and were just enjoying living in the moment for the first time in what felt like eternity. "I am not playing a drinking game based off of Sirius' conquests!" Keegan groaned, making a face.

"Yeah, we'd all be drunk within five seconds," Lance said with a teasing grin.

"Just help me figure out which girl to hit on," Sirius whined, his eyes flitting around the room curiously at all of the women.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You probably have the best shot with the blonde hanging out in the corner of the bar, Sirius," Lily urged, sipping her sloe gin fizz. "She's been staring over at you all night."

Sirius grinned, his eyes focusing in on the busty blonde. "Oh, c'mon, have you seen me? I have a shot with every single girl in this bar," he teased. "It's just a matter of who I plan on setting my sights on."

"Well, the redhead at the round table looks like a contender for you," Fabian chimed in with a shrug.

"Eh, redheads don't do it for me."

"Oh, phew. That somehow makes me feel quite reassured," James joked, winking at his beautiful girlfriend sitting beside him.

"Like I'd go for Sirius anyway," Lily snorted, shaking her head.

Sirius puffed out his chest with his usual haughty smirk. "Oh, please, if I hadn't backed off of you in Hogwarts in fear of James castrating me, you and I totally could have hooked-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," James grunted, stuffing a handful of pretzels into his mouth.

He couldn't help but laugh as he attempted to swallow the dry pretzels. "Okay, so if we're not going to start a drinking game surrounding my potential hook-ups, what are we going to surround this drinking game around?"

"Here's a mature thought," I chimed in with a shake of the head. "How about we _don't _start a drinking game?"

Eight pairs of blank stared looked back at me.

"You're right, what a crazy thought," I drawled sarcastically with a light laugh.

"So how goes the packing, Lily?" Remus asked.

"Whoa!" Sirius interjected. "Not only are we not going to play a drinking game, but you're actually going to talk about _packing_? How boring have we gotten?"

"Dare I ask how _your_ packing is doing?" Lily snorted, shooting him a look. "You do realize you're moving next Friday, right?"

"That's what the weekend is for. Not all of us have boyfriends who whisk us away to the mountains for two whole days," he teased.

"Aw, you disappointed you don't have a boyfriend?" Keegan said with an amusing smirk.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Can we pick out a girl for me now?" he whined.

The table couldn't help but laugh.

"So where are Frank and Alice tonight?" Lance questioned. "Whenever there's talk of drinking games, I usually expect him to be one of the guys behind it. Other than Sirius."

Sirius grinned while James answered the question. "Frank and Caleb are back at the office on on-call duty. And of course Alice can't go anywhere without Frank," he joked.

"Weren't they at the office on Monday night, too?" Lily asked, confused.

He nodded. "Yeah, but I think Caleb is trying to put in as much time as he can now before the baby comes."

Smiles spread out across all of us. Talk of babies somehow did that. "Can you believe he's going to be a father?" James murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. "I remember as kids when he would try to get all of us to play hide and seek and when it was his turn to seek he would blow us off, laughing as we all stayed hidden for _hours _thinking we were just that great at hiding."

"I'm pretty sure you did that to your younger siblings _and _mine as you got older," Lance chimed in with a teasing grin.

James hesitated. "Damn, I forgot you were here."

Lance laughed. "But I feel your sentiment. I can't recall when we all started growing up."

"Oh, don't worry," Remus chimed in with a coy smile. "Sirius hasn't started yet."

Sirius scowled. "Seriously, can we get to that drinking game now?"

"We're going to need another round," I pointed out, noting the numerous empty glasses lining the table.

"I'd hold off on that if I were you."

We all whirled around at the familiar voice and were shocked to see Alice standing there. "Wow, didn't realize you left the apartment without Frank attached to your hip," Peter teased.

She didn't even crack a smile and that's when I noticed the pain in her eyes and the pale color of her face. And I knew she was there to tell us something we probably didn't want to hear.

"I-I had a feeling I'd find you all here," she said softly, her eyes avoiding all of ours as she stared reflectively down at the ground.

Taking a look around the table, I wasn't the only one who noticed that the tension had drastically changed just by a single expression and the grief in her voice. Frowns replaced all of our prior smiles as we stared intently at the clearly shaken girl in front of us.

"Alice, what is it?" I interrogated hoarsely when I realized no one else had the courage to ask.

A tear slid down her face as she tried opening her mouth to speak to us but it was clear she couldn't form the words. Without realizing it, I stood up and reached out my hand to hers. I don't know, but I was suddenly reminded of all of the good times we spent at Hogwarts together. The late night study sessions in the library, the laughs we shared in Hogsmeade, the breezy Autumn days we spent out on the grounds, the Quidditch games we cheered at, the list goes on. I tried focusing on those moments, knowing that whatever she was about to say there was absolutely no going back.

Eventually, Alice spoke. "There was an attack in Surrey tonight," she whispered slowly, her voice barely audible.

Silence immediately fell over the table, a hush of fear and hesitance exploited in our expressions, until James broke it with a single word. "Frank?"

I put two-and-two together, realizing that if there was an attack it was guaranteed that Frank and Caleb were called to the scene as they had been the two on call.

Alice didn't say or do anything immediately as her bottom lip began to tremble uncontrollably. Slowly, she shook her head but I couldn't tell if that was a good sign or a bad sign. "He's…he will be okay I think," she said shakily. "He's heading to St. Mungo's now. But…" she trailed off, trying to catch her breath.

I wanted to scream at her to spit it out but the words caught in my throat. Because as I did the math once again, I knew that if her grief wasn't related to Frank it could have something to do with Caleb. Based on the ashen color that paled across my friends' faces, they had done the math, too. Beside me, Lance started trembling and shaking his head in denial. I could feel hid body grow rigid at the numerous possibilities.

Alice's gaze turned towards Lance and suddenly the tears were pouring down her face as she slowly shook her head. "Oh, God, Lance. I'm…I'm so sorry. Caleb…" she trailed off, the sobs overtaking her. She brought her hand to her mouth to try and calm herself with very little success. No one reached out to her, all too frozen to provide any sense of comfort to her. She hiccupped before whispering, "Caleb didn't make it."

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaand we have our first cliffhanger. You probably all hate me right now and I can't help but hate myself a little bit, too. But it's a war. And more than half the people in this story are either an Auror or part of the Order...or both. Death is inevitable in this story. And it unfortunately had to strike with Caleb first. But putting that aside for just a moment, I loved writing the rest of this chapter. With James finally moving past his fear and starting to move forward both in his life and in his relationship, and with the Girls Night Out, and Poker Night, and the clear love that Lance and Kay have for each other, and OF COURSE James finally buying an engagement ring! Lots of information and character development. I guess you'll just have to keep on reading and reviewing to get more.

Coming up: How does everyone deal with Caleb's death? Will Lily and James still plan to move in with each other? And what will happen when Dezzy and Drew return from their honeymoon?


	10. Of Bugs, Blenders, & Spontaneity

**A/N: **If it makes you feel any better, I hated leaving you with a cliffhanger! And killing Caleb was hard. Especially considering he had a wife and a child on his way. I couldn't even imagine what his family is going through in dealing with it all. Well, I guess I had to attempt to imagine it...so that's what this chapter is. It's not going to be what you expect but I hope it'll still entertain you. It's your early Christmas present so enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I'm not creative enough to come up with anything except I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 9: Of Lightning Bugs, Blenders, & Spontaneity

* * *

**++ALICE++**

I felt so guilty. Too guilty. As I sat by my fiancé's hospital bed, the only thoughts running through my head were that I was just glad that Frank was alive. But how dare I be relieved when my friends were suffering? When Lance and Kay and James and Fabian and Shannon and the rest of the Gilmore clan were in so much pain, mourning the loss of one of their own. Whether it was their coworker or brother or husband, their hearts were breaking. And while I felt so incredibly sad for all of them, my heart appeared to be solely focused on the man in front of me, who looked so broken and fragile and vulnerable. And who I was just so grateful was still alive.

His eyes slowly opened and he turned to look at me. He didn't speak for quite some time, just staring at me with sad eyes. I stared back, unable to form any words as my eyes said it all. Finally, he reached out to stroke my cheek, whispering, "Have you been sitting here this whole time?"

I smiled weakly, nodding. "How do you feel?"

His eyes locked with mine, a frown breaking out across his face. The tears filling his eyes were unmistakable. "I tried saving him," he spoke hoarsely, shaking his head.

I didn't even realize that the tears were streaming down my own face until his face blurred in front of mine. I quickly stood up and reached out to his hand, pressing my forehead to his as we cried together. "I know you did, baby. I know you did," I repeated for lack of anything better to say, my voice trembling.

"He was my partner," he whispered in between sobs, bringing his free hand up to cover his eyes agonizingly, clearly not wanting to show me how much pain he was in. "I-I should have saved him," he choked out in a barely audible whisper.

"Oh, Frank, you did all that could," I whispered, the tears staining my cheeks. I immediately crawled into bed beside him. He curled up beside me and sobbed into my shoulder, causing my own tears to fall faster as I watched the man I loved fall apart in my arms. "I'm…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

We lay there for a long time, letting the tears consume us. It wasn't until hours later when Frank eventually told me what had happened and it was horrifying to think of. Moody had gone rushing into the office, mentioning an onset of a small Muggle attack in Surrey. Moody, Frank, and Caleb apparated immediately after Moody sent his patronus to Dumbledore. But by the time Dumbledore could reach out to others and get to the scene of the crime, it was too late. A seemingly quiet neighborhood in Surrey was blown to pieces and the only thing left behind were the dead bodies of a known Death Eater, Armenius Nott, and Caleb Gilmore. That supposed small attack turned out to be a big one. Too much for only a few Aurors to fight against. After Caleb had been knocked unconscious, Frank tried desperately to put himself in the line of fire so that it was him who was being attacked and not Caleb who didn't have the ability to. But it did no good. There were too many Death Eaters at the scene of the crime and too few people trying to fight against them. Caleb had no chance once he couldn't fight back. It was a wonder they all hadn't died.

"How's…how's Lance holding up?" he dared to ask.

That was a good question. After I told the gang at Blarney's, Lance barely showed any emotion as he rushed out of there to go inform Shannon. He felt it was better for her to hear it from family than some Ministry official. James and Lily left quickly after, trying to figure out a way to get a message to Drew and Dezzy who had sworn against any communication while on their honeymoon. I think Drew and Dezzy just wanted to enjoy their six weeks away from the tragedies and drama and horror that they had been so accustomed to. Unfortunately, trying to keep away from tragedy didn't change the fact that it happened. All too frequently. "I don't know," I eventually said. "Not too well."

Frank quickly turned away from me, unable to look me in the eye. I don't know what he was thinking, but I'm sure it was similar to the thoughts running through my head. My mind kept focusing on poor Shannon who not only lost her husband but who lost the father of her baby. A baby who was never going to know his father. I kept thinking about poor Nora who had to bury one of her own. Who had been working as an Auror for thirty years and was still alive to show for it while her son only put in seven years and was now dead because of it. I thought of all of the Gilmores. I thought of Riley, wondering if she was going to be told. Wondering if she was going to show up at the funeral. I thought of James who had grown up with Caleb and who had already lost so many people in his life. I realized how many people loved and cared about Caleb. And how many people were now forced to grieve.

And once again I thought back to Shannon. I wondered what was running through her mind. I tried to imagine what I would possibly think if someone told me Frank had died instead of Caleb. I wondered if a part of her hated me because my fiancé lived while her husband had to die. I had to think she was contemplating why it had to happen to her. She was supposed to be starting a family with him. She was supposed to be starting the rest of her life with him. And Voldemort took that from her. Voldemort took him from _us_.

"He was going to be a father. He never even…he was supposed to…he's going to miss out…" Frank whimpered. "God, poor Shannon. I can't even imagine what…" he trailed off.

I stroked his hand softly, not surprised that he was thinking what I was thinking. "I know."

He shook his head, shutting his eyes to keep the tears from falling any more. "I could have saved him," he croaked. "I _should _have saved him."

My heart was literally breaking into two as I watched him torture himself over the memory of earlier that evening. "You can't blame yourself," I whispered, pressing my lips to his cheek.

"How can I not?" he spoke, shaking his head. "One minute, I was standing in front of him trying to protect him and the next minute, I was being double-teamed and I…I stepped away from his body for a minute. Just one minute! By the time I looked back, Caleb…" he trailed off, his bottom lip trembling uncontrollably. "He was dead," he whispered, setting off another round of choking sobs.

I didn't know what to say. I had nothing to say. Frank was clearly in so much pain and I wanted nothing more than to scoop him up in my arms and keep him away from anymore suffering. Except I knew that wasn't possible. Not in our line of work. So I instead just curled my fingers around him and rested my head against his shoulder, letting our sobs steer us towards a quiet slumber as I wondered what tragedies were lurking around the corner to catch us off-guard next.

* * *

**++LILY++**

James was doing it again. He was pretending as if he wasn't affected by a death of someone close to him while he ran around acting as if he was the stable one as he did what he could do to help those who were directly affected. In this case, he was trying to see what he could do to get a message to Drew and Dezzy while acting as if Caleb's death didn't matter to him. And he wasn't going to stop until he got in contact with them.

He was muttering to himself, a string of unintelligible words. Owl. South America. Death. Gilmores. Brazil. Letter. It didn't matter what he was saying though. When he got into this moods, it was best to just let him stew until he could no longer stew. I just tried not to cry in front of him. While he pretended to be strong, it was obvious he was feeling vulnerable and heartbroken. He was so far from strong. So I was doing my best to stay strong for him.

"_Lily_!"

My concentration broke at the sound of my name. "What?" I urged guiltily.

"Gee, sorry, am I boring you?" he muttered, his hand scribbling furiously across a piece of parchment.

"I'm just trying to give you space," I said softly from the hard guest chair across from his study desk.

He met my eyes for a brief second before turning away. "I don't need space, I need your help."

I sat up quickly, surprised that he needed my help. No, surprised that he _admitted _it. "Alright, what can I do?"

"I need you to use your position within your department to get word out to Ministry officials in all South American countries that were on Drew and Dezzy's itinerary."

I sighed. Of course he was referring to his need to get in touch with Drew and Dezzy. "I was already planning on it," I reassured. "First thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to go to Shane and Lunder."

"You can't do it now?"

"It's nearly midnight," I reminded him. "There's not much I can do tonight."

"Fine," he muttered.

I glanced over at him as he returned to his parchment. "Is Pickles going to be able to reach Drew and Dezzy without knowing their exact location?" I asked, referring to his owl.

"Probably not," he murmured. "But I've got to try."

I merely nodded, letting him pretend as if he was in control of the situation for at least a few more seconds. He looked so broken, so fragile, and I didn't want to make him feel anymore discouraged than he clearly already was. I had learned a long time ago that it was better to let James deal with death in his own way. He would eventually come around, come to me for support and for comfort. He always has. Even when he acted as if he didn't want me there, I would _always _be there for him. He needed me just as much as I needed him.

"James?"

"Mm?"

"I-I feel like I have to ask this next question," I said hesitantly.

He stiffened, meeting my gaze. "About Caleb's sister?"

I winced. To this day, he still couldn't speak Riley's name. I nodded. "Yeah."

"I have no idea if she's going to be told. But I don't really care."

"James," I said softly.

He shrugged. "It might sound heartless, but if she cared then she never would have left the way she did in the first place. It wasn't just her boyfriend and her friends she left. She left her family behind, too. I would be very shocked if she showed up at the funeral."

"You're really that sure she won't show up?"

"She's not about to face confrontations with about a million people just to mourn one person," he spoke rigidly. "Avoiding situations is what she does best."

I hesitated. "Would that be avoiding confrontation or avoiding grief?"

A flicker of panic rested in his eyes for a brief moment. I knew he realized that I may have been hinting at him, too. "Both," he muttered, shrugging.

I frowned. "Grief can't be avoided. Just delayed."

"Facing grief head-on doesn't change anything."

"It's not meant to change anything. Just provide closure."

"You know what can also do that? Telling Caleb's brother and sister-in-law that he unfortunately died in the line of duty."

I sighed at his bluntness but didn't retaliate. I wouldn't win this argument. Not when he was using stubbornness as a front to not face the grief I know he was so desperately trying to hide.

I watched him as he bit down on his bottom lip, rereading his words. I watched him as he crumped up the parchment and chucked it into the garbage pin. I watched him as he started writing again, clearly trying to find the correct balance of words. I watched the crease in his forehead form and his eyebrows narrow vulnerably. I knew that he knew I was staring at him, but he focused his attention solely on the parchment in front of him, blocking out everything else. Me. His grief. Anything to do with Caleb.

Eventually, I stood up and walked over to him, squeezing his shoulder tightly. "I'll go stick my head in Lunder's fireplace now. See if I can get a hold of him."

He merely blinked. "Thank you."

I kissed the top of his head before heading out. I stopped in the doorway, slowly turning around to face him. "It looks like our weekend plans have been cancelled."

He froze, hesitating before reaching my gaze. When I looked into his eyes, I saw tears staring back at me. "He's really gone, isn't he?" he spoke in a choked whisper. He tried blinking the tears away but they slowly slipped down his cheeks in a rush of angst.

"Oh, James," I whispered, rushing to his side as I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew him close to me.

He didn't say anything immediately, falling into my touch with a strangled sigh. "Why him, Lils?" he eventually murmured, throwing his quill down on to the desk. He swallowed hard, bringing his hands to his mouth dejectedly as he spoke again. "Why Caleb?"

Tears welled up in my own eyes as I watched him crumble. I squeezed his shoulder, kissing the side of his face. "I don't know," I whispered.

I watched as the silent tears streamed down his face and he reached for me, grabbing ahold of me so tightly. "I think of Shannon and I wonder how…how she will ever move past this," James whispered. "She not only lost her husband but she just lost the father of her child. I think of their child who will never get to meet his father. I think of Lance and Rafe and know exactly how they must feel losing their own brother before his time. I think of Drew and how I pray he'll be able to hear of this sooner rather than later because I don't want him to come home from his honeymoon just to be told bad news. I think of his parents and am heartbroken for them because they should never have to bury their own son. And _Frank_. Hell, I can't imagine what he's going through."

"I know," I reassured, kissing his cheeks and his forehead and the top of his head.

"How…how can someone who was so exuberant and alive now be…gone?"

"I wish I knew," I agreed, brushing his hair back from his head with my lips.

He gazed up at me, reaching for my hand and kissing the tip of my fingers. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Lily," he said softly, choking up at the end of his words. "I couldn't imagine losing-"

"You're not," I reassured, more tears welling up as I heard such agony in his words. "I'm right here, James. I'm not going anywhere. I'm never going anywhere."

He merely nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. "I love you, Lily."

I didn't respond. I couldn't respond. The sobs had already overtaken me as I grieved for the loss of Caleb Gilmore. And as I grieved for the man sitting in front of me who was clearly in so much pain and trying to hide it.

But no matter how hard he tried to hide it, it was obvious every inch of his body was hurting. Every single minute of every single day, James Potter was hurting.

I just wondered if ever a day would come when that hurt would stop.

I had a feeling I shouldn't hold my breath.

* * *

**++KAY++**

I didn't know how to help him. Lance was clearly distraught and in so much pain and I was grateful that he let me comfort him as best I could. I didn't see him cry once but I wasn't surprised. He had always believed crying was a sign of weakness and even though I had pointed out to him that grieving for your brother's death would never even remotely be seen as a weakness, he chose to spend his time sleeping away his pain instead of crying about it. Most of the time, I lay by his side, holding his hand and curling up into the nook of his shoulder just so he could know that I was going to be there for him during this hard time. He didn't talk to me much but he never pushed me away. He gripped my hand tightly before he drifted off to sleep each time. I knew he was grateful I was there so I was going to continue doing so even if Lance didn't want to talk to me or cry out his emotions.

With Drew on his honeymoon and Lance not up for it, my friends and I pitched in to help with the bookstore. Remus especially. What was great about his job was that a lot of it could be done on his own time. So he spent a lot of his days at the bookstore and his nights in the lab so that I could be with Lance. I don't think I would ever be able to truly thank him for that.

On Saturday when Lance insisted on visiting Shannon on his own, I traipsed into the bookstore. I waved to the barista in the coffee shop, a young girl by the name of Violet, and nodded at Jacques, the cashier, before setting my eyes on Remus who was stacking books on the shelves in the back.

"Hey," he greeted when he saw me, reaching out to embrace me immediately. "How's Lance?"

I could only shrug. "Hanging in there," I said softly, perching myself on one of the empty book crates.

"And you?"

I was about to say I was fine when tears unexpectedly sprang to my eyes. In a matter of seconds, they were spilling down my face. "It just sucks" was all I could think of saying as I brought my hands to my eyes, slightly embarrassed by my sudden onset of emotions.

Remus hastily rushed to me, crouching in front of me to place his hands comfortingly on my knees. "I know," he whispered, reaching up to wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"I've obviously always known that being an Auror is a dangerous profession," I whispered, tearing my hands away from my face to look at Remus with an expression of grief. "I've always known that this was a possibility. Not just with Caleb, but with James, with Frank or Alice, with Fabian, with Nora. But…but that doesn't make it any easier when it actually happens."

Remus drew me into his arms without saying anything. And I was grateful for it. I had been trying so hard to just be there for Lance, but sometimes it was nice to have someone else be there for me when I couldn't stay strong anymore. I didn't need an explanation or an apology or any words of comfort. None of it would have done any good anyhow. I just needed someone to be there.

When I pulled away from the embrace, I offered him a weak sad smile. "Sorry to be such a blubbering idiot," I spoke softly with an embarrassed shrug. "I've just been…I don't know. I guess I've just been holding it all in while trying to be strong for Lance."

He pulled over a crate of his own beside me and sat down on it. "You don't have to be strong all the time, Kay," said Remus slowly. "You lost someone also. Caleb was your future brother-in-law and was practically a brother to you already."

He blurred in front of me as the tears sprang to my eyes once again. "I hate this war," I spat out in a hurt whisper, shaking my head vehemently. "I hate that this war has lasted for so many years and doesn't appear to be coming to an end any time soon. I hate Voldemort and his Death Eaters for killing so many innocent people. I hate that so many have had to die. I hate that we never know who's going to be hit next. I hate that so many people are affected by this war." I swallowed the lump in my throat, hanging my head in utter heartbreak. "But what I hate the most of all is that I _know_ so many people who have been affected by this war."

Remus nodded weakly. "It never gets easier," he whispered.

I met his gaze and slowly shook my head. "I have a hurting fiancé who proves that," I agreed.

There wasn't much to say to that, which was evident in the helpless look Remus provided to me. He just said, "Lance _will _be alright, Kay. Maybe not now but he will be one day."

I frowned, blinking uncertainly. "No," I whispered. "He'll never be okay. He'll move on someday. But…but he'll never be okay. How could he be without his older brother?"

Remus' frown matched mine as the only thing left for him to do was reach out to grab my hand and squeeze it. "He'll be okay," he urged. "Because he has you. How could he not be okay with you by his side?"

My heart filled with gratitude for the man in front of me. My appreciative eyes locked with his. A strong sense of hatred filled my heart for Jillian for letting Remus go. "Thank you for being here, Remus."

He smiled sadly. "I'm always going to be here for you, Kay."

* * *

**++ALICE++**

I had no idea what I was doing outside Shannon's door. I left the hospital and was heading home but somehow ended up apparating there instead. I stood out there for far too long before finally finding the nerve to knock.

I was taken aback when Lance answered the door. "Lance," I said, taking a step back and cringing. "Hi."

"Alice," he said without even a trace of a smile.

"How…how are you?" I asked, kicking myself for asking the stupidest question on the planet.

He frowned, shrugging. "I-I don't even know," he admitted in a hoarse whisper. "What are you doing here?"

Good question. I opened my mouth to attempt to find an answer and instead found myself filling with tears. "You have no idea how much I wish that they were never sent to Surrey," I whispered, shaking my head. "You have no idea how much I wish Caleb could have survived. That he could have been sitting beside Frank at the hospital, injured but still alive. I want nothing more than to wake up from this horrible nightmare and give Shannon back her husband and father-to-be. I hate that Voldemort took him from us. I hate that we all have to grieve the loss of someone who meant the world to us. But what I hate more is that…that Frank lived while Caleb didn't," I croaked out in a hoarse sob, drawing my hands to my face guiltily.

"Alice," he whispered, pulling me into his arms. "Don't you dare stand there feeling guilty or blaming yourself for something you had no control over. Be glad Frank is alive. Be grateful that we didn't lose both Caleb and Frank. I don't wish it was Frank and neither does Shannon. We would never wish death upon anyone. You have to believe that."

I gripped my arms tightly around him, hating myself for feeling comfort from him when it should have been me comforting him. "Lance, I'm so sorry," I whispered.

I felt him stiffen in my arms but he didn't respond.

Slowly, I stepped out of his grasp, wiping the tears from my eyes. "How's Shannon doing?"

He shrugged numbly. "How do you think she's doing?"

"Right. Stupid question," I murmured, hanging my head shamefully.

He offered me a sad smile. The saddest smile I had probably ever seen. "I know Shannon would appreciate you stopping by, Alice, but I hope you didn't do it just because you felt guilty."

"How can I not?" I muttered.

He shrugged. "You're happy that Frank is alive, right?"

I cringed, not responding.

"You should be. Don't let your happiness be clouded with guilt. Please. For me. For Shannon."

I didn't know if I could do that. "This sucks, Lance," I whispered for lack of anything better to say. "It really sucks."

I tried ignoring the tears that danced in Lance's eyes as he attempted to blink them away. "One day it won't."

I reached out for his hand and squeezed it. "How can you be such an optimist?"

He didn't respond immediately, his bottom lip trembling warily. "I-I don't know," he said softly. "I guess because I have to be. I don't want to be one of those people who lets this war get the better of him. We all knew that death was a possibility and sure, having it happen to someone in my own family hurts more than I could even explain, but what can I do now? What's happened has happened. Nothing is going to change that."

I wondered if he was thinking about James. "Well," I said softly. "Can you be optimistic for me, also? Because I'm finding that nearly impossible right now."

He squeezed my hand back, an awkward smile appearing on his face. I could have sworn there were tears collecting in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away and said, "I can try."

"I'm really sorry, Lance. No one deserves this."

He blinked, slipping his hand out of mine. "Go back to your fiancé, Alice," he said softly. "He needs you right now and I guarantee you need him."

I nodded, taking a step back. "Tell Shannon that if she needs anything, I'm here."

"I will."

I turned around to head down the stairwell but hesitated, slowly glancing over my shoulder at Lance. "I'm here for you, too, Lance."

I could literally see his heart breaking in front of me. "Thank you, Alice."

* * *

**++KAY++**

I was making dinner when Lance walked into the apartment. He looked so drained and exhausted when he came over and kissed me on the cheek. "Hi," he said softly, resting his cheek against the side of my head.

I wanted to ask how Shannon was doing but wasn't even able to say the words. "You hungry?" I asked instead.

He shook his head as he headed towards the door. "Nah, I'm just tired. I think I might go lie down."

I wasn't surprised by that. "Lance?" I asked cautiously before he could venture off.

He turned around. "Hm?"

"I have to ask you something I really don't want to ask but feel as if I need to."

He looked confused. "Er…alright."

"Is Riley coming to the funeral?"

He froze, meeting my gaze. He didn't say anything immediately but his eyes grew hard. "No."

Nothing surprising about that. She always did know how to hide. "Does she know?"

He sighed, slowly nodding. "Yes, she knows."

That just made me angry. Unlike Dezzy and Drew who all attempts at communication have been returned or proven futile, she knew and yet was choosing to stay away. "What, she can't make the trip from Australia to England to mourn her brother?"

"Kay, can we please not get into this?" he whispered, shaking his head. "Believe me, anything you're thinking, the rest of us have already discussed. She knows about Caleb but she's not coming. Can we leave it at that?"

I couldn't be sure why but I felt as if in that moment, Lance was hiding something from me. But after all that he had been through, I didn't push it. "I'm sorry, Lance."

The apology had nothing to do with Riley and he knew it. He didn't move or say anything for a while, just staring at me with solemn eyes. "I know I probably don't say it enough but thank you for always being here for me."

I felt tears well up in my eyes as I turned to look at him. "I'm never going anywhere, Lance," I whispered.

He walked back over to me to kiss me on the side of the head and squeeze my shoulder. "I love you, Kay."

As I watched him walk away from the kitchen, it wasn't Lance was thinking about anymore. It was Shannon who would never get to hear the words 'I love you' from Caleb ever again.

When did life become so unfair?

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

We all deal with death in our own way. Kay ran around trying to help with funeral plans. Lance slept. A lot. James pretty much ignored it. Lily cried while worrying about James. Remus constantly asked how he could help. Peter avoided everyone uncertain how to deal with grief. Fabian dove head-on into his work under the belief that he would be able to save the next Auror in battle. Frank and Alice remained holed up at St. Mungo's as they tried to ignore getting back to reality. And Drew and Dezzy were enjoying their honeymoon because no one was able to get a hold of them.

Oh, and me? Well, I just walked around in a daze, trying desperately not to wonder who was going to be killed next.

Caleb's funeral depressed me more than I expected. I mean obviously funerals are depressing in general, but this one in particular just felt off. I kept staring at the front row at the Gilmore family and was very aware that someone was missing. I watched Nora grip her husband's hand tightly as the tears slid effortlessly down her cheeks. My eyes were drawn to Rafe who kept sneaking peeks towards the rest of his family, probably thinking as the older brother that he was expected to look out for everyone. I noticed Lance whose face appeared to be void of feeling, his eyes staring straight ahead at the casket in front of him. My heart broke as I watched Billy, home from Hogwarts, bury his head in his hands as he cried. I knew why Drew wasn't there with his family. I wasn't so sure about Riley.

I didn't know if Riley was told about Caleb, nor did I want to know, but for some reason, some horribly selfish reason, I didn't feel as if she belonged here holding her younger brother's hand or crying on her mother's shoulder. She had chosen to disappear. And that meant disappearing from her own brother's funeral as well. So it oddly made sense to me for her to not be there.

As I sat close behind the Gilmores with Remus on my right and James on my left, I felt so far from that church. I was back at Hogwarts in the middle of our seventh year with Riley beside me. I was reminded of a time where death wasn't a daily occurrence. Where these funerals didn't feel natural or expected. I was reminded of a time where we were all happy. And where Riley being surrounded by her friends or family wouldn't have been weird or wrong. Sometimes, I wished that if I just closed my eyes and prayed hard enough, all of this pain could just vanish.

Question was, what pain was I talking about? Watching those close to me die? Or watching the love of my life disappear?

I didn't know the answer to that question so I just ignored it. Honestly, that's what I do best. Ignoring anything that has to do with grief.

I sighed. Or Riley Gilmore.

* * *

**++LANCE++**

As the priest spoke of my older brother, I found myself tuning him out as my thoughts went back in time eleven years earlier, a month before I received my Hogwarts acceptance letter. It had been an extremely hot July day, the highest temperature that July had seen in over twenty years according to the news stations, and we had all decided it was the perfect day to eat oversized ice cream cones and try to catch some lightning bugs. Actually, it had been Riley's suggestion and Caleb had groaned at such a childish event. But hell, who was really going to turn down ice cream and lightning bugs? So there we all were in the backyard. Riley, at ten years old, was wolfing down her ice cream cone in one hand and skillfully trying to maneuver lightning bugs into an empty jam jar in the other. Rafe, at sixteen, was chasing after Riley and trying to set the bugs free just to spite her. Billy, at only four years old, had ice cream dripping down his face and was attempting to surreptitiously lick off the ice cream drabble that had fallen on to his shirt. Drew, at eight, was doing cartwheels and asking the same question over and over: "Where do lightning bugs get their name from?" And I merely sat on the porch steps watching my crazy family with Caleb, my older brother by a single year, right beside me.

That's when the owls arrived with our Hogwarts letters.

Seeing as our father was a Muggle, there was always a possibility that any one of us Gilmore children could turn out to be Muggle as well. I had always been so afraid of that possibility because I had always wanted to be just like Caleb. And how could I be like Caleb if I wasn't a wizard like him?

So I hadn't thought past the highly anticipated letter arrival. Until I, too, received one which confirmed the fact that I was indeed a wizard. I was ecstatic and joined Drew in doing cartwheels. And when I stopped doing cartwheels, there were hundreds of butterflies in my stomach. At first, I blamed the cartwheels. But I knew it was because I was nervous entering Hogwarts.

When I took my place back on the porch steps, Caleb nudged me with a grin. "Aren't you excited, bro?"

I could only nod, the fear taking over my words.

Caleb gazed at my in scrutiny. "You are excited, aren't you?"

I nodded again. "Of course," I choked out weakly, shrugging. "I'm just…it's just…I don't know…"

Caleb offered me a knowing smile. Even at age twelve, he was a brilliant kid. "Ah, you're nervous, aren't you."

"What? No! Of course not! Gilmores don't get nervous," I had retaliated, shaking my head vigorously.

Next thing I knew, Caleb's arm swung around my shoulders and he shrugged. "Gilmores do get nervous," he admitted, glancing at me out of the corner of his eyes. "You want to know a secret?"

I nodded.

"I was nervous for my first day at Hogwarts."

"What? No way!"

He nodded slowly. "But don't tell Rafe I said that. He would make fun of me for life if he knew."

A content chuckle escaped my lips. "Scout's honor. I promise."

"You were never a scout."

I rolled my eyes. "Alright, fine. _Brother's _honor."

He smiled as he turned to me, a toothy grin quickly following. "And here's my brother's promise to you," he said, his words soft and yet filled with appreciation, "You have nothing to be nervous for because I'll always be there to protect you."

As I felt the tears blur in front of my eyes while I watched my mother attempt to eulogize my brother and friend, I suddenly wish I could have stopped time in that moment eleven years earlier and not take life for granted the way I knew I had.

_Thank you for always protecting me, Caleb, _I thought. _I'm just sorry I couldn't do the same for you. _

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

I didn't go to the funeral. I _couldn't _go to the funeral. I had only ever once attended one funeral and I was planning on keeping it that way. But thankfully, no one questioned me not showing up too much. I think they were all dealing with their own grief far too much to realize how uncomfortable I was at the idea of attending the funeral. Fabian had been by Frank's side for the entire day, knowing that Frank felt guilty for Caleb's death. And one of the reasons I cared so much for Fabian was his ability to make a person feel better even in the worst of times. He had reassured Frank numerous times that it wasn't his fault and he couldn't have saved him. And to get Frank's mind off of his guilt, Fabian would regale with the fun and uplifting stories of Caleb's past. I think it worked for a little while. Until those stores just reminded us all of why we were forced to live in those memories.

The week after the funeral was grim. We all avoided each other, finding solace in our work. It was easier doing that than trying to force conversation with each other. Lily and I spent our evenings packing her stuff up. Slowly, we returned to our usual happy-go-lucky selves. But I reiterate the word 'slowly.' Believe me, I knew how difficult it was coming back from tragedy but as we went along our normal routine, slowly everyone's grief was replaced with complacency. Mine included.

But come Friday evening, my complacency was replaced with irritation. For a certain roommate of mine. I was definitely going to kill her.

"How the hell did you convince me that that animal moving across the hall from me would be a wise decision?" I murmured to Lily (my roommate for only one more night, but I was still living in denial).

"That animal has ears and can hear you!" a muffled voice spoke from behind a large cardboard box as Sirius glided into his new apartment, the box filled with what I could only presume was either a stack of _Playboys _or his alcohol stash.

"You better start getting used to the insults, Black!" I retaliated, crying out after him as he disappeared from my eyesight. "You'll be hearing them a lot more often!"

Seconds later, he wandered back out, a cross look on his face. But it wasn't me he was looking at, it was Lily. "I don't know who I'm more irritated with. Remus for signing the lease first without my consent or you for putting all that talk of discounts in his head." Lily opened her mouth to respond, but Sirius cut her off as he hastily continued. "Then again, it's probably just easier if I say I'm irritated with Rouge and call it a day."

I rolled my eyes. "Gee, I'd love to stick around in this hallway full of boxes, but I have to be…well, anywhere but here. Wouldn't want to get stuck helping you unpack," I snorted, glancing back towards Lily. "Want a beer?"

She hesitated, glancing down at the clutter of boxes on the floor. "Between that and having to help those two unpack, I'm definitely going with the former."

Sirius' voice rang out behind us as we sauntered into my apartment. "No, no, please, I don't need a beer. It's not like I seem to be the only one doing the heavy lifting around here and could use some alcohol to ease the pain that has arrived in my shoulders. Don't go out of your way to try to accommodate me."

His sarcasm was nauseating. "Believe me, I won't," I shot back.

Lily rolled her eyes and took three beers out of the fridge, much to my chagrin. "That third beer better be for Remus."

She couldn't help but chuckle. "You might want to start attempting to get along with Sirius now that he's your neighbor."

"The day I start attempting to get along with Black is the day Voldemort is defeated," I said dryly.

She frowned. "So never?" she muttered.

I shuddered, meeting her long gaze. "Are Lance and Kay helping move the guys in tonight?"

Lily sighed, shaking her head. "No. They're at dinner at Nora's."

I nodded. "How are they doing?"

"Okay, I think," she mused. "At least, they will be."

I frowned, reaching for one of the beers in her hand for myself. "Did anyone ever get a hold of Drew and Dezzy?"

She froze, slowly meeting my gaze. She sighed, shaking her head. "No. All of the owls James tried sending came back and while I was able to get word to the South American Ministry, they haven't had any luck in tracking them down."

I sighed. "Poor Dezzy and Drew," I whispered.

She nodded, a small pool of tears resting in her eyes. "I can't even imagine what…what they're going to think," I muttered, slowly shaking my head. "Here they are on their honeymoon, happy as can be, and they'll return to reality just to find out that their world has been turned upside down."

My frown deepened as I took a long swig of beer. "It…it sucks, doesn't it?"

"What does?"

"That grief never…never gets easier," I whispered, shaking my head slowly. "No matter how many times we have to watch someone we care about die, dealing with that grief nevergets easier."

She gazed at me curiously and I had to quickly turn away, in fear of letting the secrets of my past escape.

"Yeah, it sucks," she eventually muttered. "But what sucks more is that we continue to have to watch the people that we care about die. It's…it's not fair."

"Life isn't fair," I muttered. I hesitated. "Exhibited by the fact that Black is moving across the hall."

She chuckled and I was grateful for it. "I'm still giving him a beer."

I grunted. "Can I at least pour it over his head?"

"No."

"You're taking the fun out of Moving Day."

"First of all, 'fun' is in no shape or form ever going to be a part of any moving, and second of all, you haven't lifted a single finger to help them so I doubt _you_ have the liberty to call today Moving Day," she pointed out with a snicker.

I hesitated. "Fine, would Moving Weekend make more sense?" I suggested. "Since I doubt _you _will let me get out of helping you move your stuff into James' tomorrow afternoon."

Lily grinned. "I expect you ready to help at exactly noon tomorrow."

I groaned. "I should have just stayed in the office all weekend."

Lily couldn't help but chuckle as she headed back out towards the hallway. I begrudgingly followed.

"Aw, was Rouge able to part with a single beer?" Sirius said sarcastically. "Didn't know she had consideration in her."

I shot him a glare, sipping my beer. "Yep, definitely should have stayed at the office tonight," I murmured.

"Well, if you don't want to watch Sirius and Remus move their crap in, you can always help me finish pack," Lily said with a grin.

"It's not crap!" a familiar voice spoke to my right. Remus had just apparated with another box and a small bookcase.

I snickered. "I don't know how my Friday night ended up being filled with both unpacking _and _packing."

"Considering you haven't done an ounce of unpacking, you can scratch that action off your list," Sirius said dryly, jumping out of Remus' way as he hightailed it into the apartment. He reappeared a few minutes later.

"I'm carrying boxes and furniture into our new apartment and you're standing around drinking a beer?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Want one?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Not my point," he said. "But yes, please."

"Lily will get one for you," he said with a laugh, ignoring my perturbed glare.

"I'm starting to see a major problem with you two living across the hall," I muttered as Lily breezed past me towards our refrigerator.

"Only starting to?" Remus snickered. "I'm pretty sure the moment I mentioned that Sirius was moving across the hall, you had a major problem."

I glanced down at the beer in my hand. "I'm going to need a stronger drink."

Remus chuckled as Lily glided back into the hallway. "Help us finish unpack and maybe we'll be able to find the vodka."

I hesitated. "And why would I help you unpack when I have vodka stashed in our own liquor cabinet?"

"Then let's get this party started!" he argued.

"I think using the word 'party' during an evening of unpacking and packing is a bit of an overstatement," Lily pointed out. She glanced over at me. "Noticed how I added the part about packing."

I groaned. "Have I mentioned lately how I should have stayed in the office tonight?"

"I thought you were done with packing, Lils," a familiar deep voice spoke from the stairwell. We all turned as James came traipsing up the stairs with a box of pillows.

"I carried a bookcase up the stairs and you grabbed a box of _pillows_?" Remus grumbled.

James grinned sheepishly. "Well, I worked out in the training facilities earlier today. Wouldn't want to pull a muscle doing too much strenuous physical activity in one day."

"Don't make me grab one of those pillows and smack you in the face with it," Remus retaliated immediately.

"Hey, that's better than the bookcase," I chimed in with a teasing smile.

James chuckled, placing the box down in the hallway and reaching out to his girlfriend.

"You're all sweaty!" she groaned, trying to hide behind Remus unsuccessfully. James grinned and picked her up off the floor, swinging her around playfully as she squealed lightly.

"I don't see how," Remus drawled. "He's not doing any of the heavy lifting."

"Well, now he is," Sirius added.

Lily glared at him. "Who you calling heavy?"

Sirius hesitated. "Er…oh, I think I hear someone calling me from the fireplace," he said as he slipped into his new flat.

"Your fireplace isn't hooked up to Floo Powder yet!" Lily cried out after him. She chuckled as James placed her back down on her own two feet. She kissed his cheek before glancing back towards our flat. "I should finish packing if I plan on moving in to your place tomorrow."

James' eyebrow shot up curiously. "Then you better get packing," he teased, smacking her arse playfully as she sauntered away from him.

"C'mon, Keegan," Lily summoned. She ignored my groan. "It's either helping me finishing up packing or helping Sirius-"

"I'm coming!" I interrupted immediately, following her into our apartment as I ignored the chuckles from James and Remus behind me.

Lily headed into her bedroom, but I paused at the doorway. Her room was virtually empty, boxes and suitcases lining the floor. Her walls were bare and a mere sleeping bag lay on her bed, her sheets and blankets all tucked away. This was a scene I wasn't used to. Often when I left somewhere behind, I did it in a hurry. I left clothes and toiletries behind so I could escape. Important photos and mementos were unfortunately discarded as I rushed to get away from whatever horrible situation I had ended up in. I only had the chance to pack in a few minutes, choosing to rid myself of my past and move forward. So it was weird seeing Lily's room so empty. I was used to seeing a room in disarray, not neatly packed.

"Keegan?"

I snapped out of my trance, sipping my beer as I glanced down at her. "Hm?"

"You okay?"

I forced a smile on my face. "I'm just sad you're going." It wasn't a total lie. As much as I liked to complain about Sirius and Remus moving in across the hall, a part of me was grateful that they were there. Maybe this time, I didn't have to leave these friends behind.

My heart skipped a beat. It had been a long time since I had been so willing to call a group of people my friends.

Lily perched on the edge of her bed, gazing around the vast room. "Yeah," she murmured. "I am, too."

I offered her an awkward smile. "Come and visit me once a while, will ya?"

She shot me a look. "Of course, Keegan," she reassured. "When I'm in desperate need of a gallon full of rocky road ice cream and a night of Meryl Streep movies, I will be pestering you for sure."

I leaned casually against the doorframe. "It wouldn't be pestering."

She didn't say anything. She just smiled.

"Okay, things are getting a little too sentimental for me," I teased. "What do you need me to do?"

"Can you grab my last suitcase from the front hallway coat closet? I think it's time I pack my shoes."

I chuckled. The girl lived for shoes. I headed back out towards the living room and slid the door open to the coat closet, which was more of a 'throw all of our unwanted crap in the closet' type of closet than a coat closet. As I was reaching for her last small suitcase, I noticed a small old cardboard box sprawled with the word '_Hogwarts._' I grinned and grabbed it, too.

"Lookie what I found," I said, tossing Lily her suitcase and placing the cardboard box down on the ground. "School memories! I say we dig into your past and make fun of all your haircuts that you once thought were cool."

"What are you talking about?" Lily snickered.

"I found this box in the coat closet marked Hogwarts," I explained with a shrug, my hands reaching to open the box.

"No!"

My hands froze as Lily came barreling towards me. She shut the flap I had just pulled out and tore the box from my hands. I held up my hands innocently. "Er…sorry, it was meant as a joke," I muttered, confused.

She placed the box delicately on the end of her bed, her eyes actively avoiding mine. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, I just…" she trailed off contemplatively. Her eyes migrated towards a box in the corner that contained bubble-wrapped picture frames. "I just want to finish packing everything up, that's all."

Based on that simple eye movement, I knew exactly what (okay, who) she was avoiding. "That box holds all of the reminders of her, doesn't it." I had one just like it tucked away in my own closet. With all of the frantic moves I've had, I've never once left that box behind.

She didn't bother asking who I was referring to. "I forgot it was even in that coat closet. But…I-I can't throw it out."

"I know," I said. _Believe me, I know_.

Silence followed. Her gaze remained stoic on that box and I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. She looked vulnerable, regretful even. She reminded me a lot of myself. "I rarely open it up," she continued, locking eyes with mine. "I only do when…when it seems that everything in the world has stopped. When a horrible tragedy has struck and it seems that nothing good will ever happen again. Those are the moments when I am desperate to remember how it felt to be truly happy. How it felt for _all _of us to be truly happy. A time when we were young and spontaneous and…and laughter came naturally. That's when I peek back into that box and look at the hundreds of photos we took, the diaries I wrote, my favorite book _Little Women _that I read so often the binding got torn, my Head Girl badge, a…a stupid pact that my friends and I wrote when we were twelve that we'd be friends forever. Stupid stuff. But…stuff that meant a lot to me."

"Stuff that reminds you of your best friend," I murmured, knowing that it wasn't necessarily the _stuff_ she was remembering, but the friend she lost.

That brief vulnerability in her eyes quickly faded into iciness. "Stuff that reminds me of _all _of my friends."

I shrugged. "Same thing."

She pursed her lips. I could tell she was about to get defensive. "The last time I pulled this box out was when Jillian left. It had nothing to do with…with my former friend."

I hesitated, knowing I was about to get myself into trouble. "Jillian left very much the same way that your friend did. You really think there wasn't a correlation?"

Lily hesitated, clearly uncertain how to respond. She glanced down at the box before gesturing towards the large roll of tape on the floor by my feet. "Hand me the tape, please."

I sighed, obliging. I guess I wasn't the only one who was afraid my past would one day come back to haunt me. "What was her name?" I blurted out. I had been Lily's roommate for almost seven months and the mysterious girl's name had yet to be mentioned. I couldn't help but be a little curious.

She froze. "Maybe there was a correlation," she admitted slowly, answering my previous question by ignoring my following one. "Maybe I'm just tired of people thinking that leaving is the only answer."

Bitterness spewed from her words as she quickly taped up the box labeled 'Hogwarts.' I couldn't help but wonder if she was taping it up so it would be easier to move or if it was just a way to continue suppressing whatever bitter feelings she was having. As if taping it up would put it all in the past. "Sometimes it's the only answer," I said softly.

"No, it's just the cowardly answer."

I glanced up at her, guilt weighing heavily on my mind. "Do you miss her?"

She froze, her eyes widening in shock by the question. I doubt that anyone had asked her that in the past four years. She opened her mouth to respond but quickly shut it. I had a feeling she was about to say no, but we both knew it would have been a lie.

"It's okay to miss her, y'know," I murmured, an image of Tristan flashing through my mind. "That doesn't make you a bad person. She was your friend for seven years. She…she made you laugh and you lived in close quarters with her for 6 years. You shared secrets and you broke some rules together. None of that is going to change just because she…she left. The past is still always going to be the past no matter how much you want to change it. You still shared thousands of memories with her that…that are hard to forget. That I'm sure you don't want to forget. That are-"

"Riley."

I glanced over at her, confused. "What?"

Lily got up from the floor abruptly, looking at me with a cool stare. But there was a softness lurking behind her eyes. "Her name was Riley. Hand me my wand."

I grabbed it from on top of her bureau and gave it to her. She muttered a spell and suddenly the name 'Hogwarts' disappeared from the box. She hesitated before levitating the box over to the rest of the pile of boxes. I took that as a good sign. I thought for sure she would have trashed it. I sighed, knowing she didn't want to discuss it anymore. "I'm going to grab another beer. You want one?"

She shook her head, her gaze still on that box.

I climbed off the floor and headed towards the door.

"I do miss her."

I halted, slowly turning around. There was a look of remorse on her face.

"But that doesn't change the fact that she left without saying good-bye," she said softly. "And for that, maybe a part of me wouldn't mind forgetting her. Because the girl that walked out isn't the same girl I knew for those seven years. Which just means I never really knew her at all."

She turned her back on me and returned to packing up her remaining clothes.

"I'm sorry," I muttered guiltily. "I shouldn't have said anything."

She hesitated, shoving her sweater into the suitcase. "It sounds to me that you know a bit about abandonment."

Oh, great, what have I gotten myself into? "Nah, I just happen to be wise," I teased.

She didn't even crack a smile. "Keegan-"

"Knock, knock!"

My gaze fell from the shut box with a groan at the sound of Sirius' voice, but I've never been more grateful for him interrupting. "Damnit, Lily, I'm going to kill you for giving them the idea of that apartment across the hall," I scowled.

She grinned. "We're in here!"

Sirius peeked his head into the bedroom. "Do you have a blender? Ours is still packed away in boxes but we're really in the mood for some margaritas."

"Oh, sure, you can't find your blender, but you know exactly where to find the tequila and margarita mix," I said sarcastically.

The ends of his mouth curled upward. "Do you really expect anything more from me?"

"Absolutely not."

Lily shot me a look. "C'mon, I'll get the blender for you. But if you're making margaritas with my blender, I'll be participating in the drinking."

Sirius chuckled, shrugging. "The more the merrier," he said as he followed Lily out of the room. He hesitated in the doorway, glancing back at me. "Except for you. You can stay here."

"That blender is half mine!" I cried out after him.

I merely received a chuckle back.

Have I mentioned recently that I'm going to kill Lily?

* * *

**++LILY++**

Because I had taken off a few hours the day before to help Sirius and Remus move, I ended up strolling into the office on Saturday morning to finish up some last-minute work before my own move. Nyger had requested some court transcripts from the last Death Eater Wizengamot trial and lucky me, I got chosen to dig them out and write the background report.

I was getting ready to head out, a few minutes earlier than anticipated, when Nyger popped his head into my office. "Oh, good you're still here."

Well, I guess leaving early is now out of the question. "Hey, what's up?"

"I need to be down at the Wizengamot now, but I've just been informed that there was some commotion in Brazil earlier. I'm supposed to be getting an urgent document from the South American Ministry with the details. Can you receive it for me and read it? If it really is urgent, then feel free to interrupt the trial. But you know Giancarlo. He often claims it's urgent and it's just him trying to sound more important than he is."

"Don't I know it," I chuckled. Giancarlo Raffeato was the Head of the International Magical Office of Law at the South American Ministry. I glanced at the clock as furtively as I could and while cringing inside, I nodded. "Yeah, I can stay."

"Oh, you're a lifesaver!" he said ecstatically. "It shouldn't be long. I'll be down in court room 6 if you need me."

I offered him a strained smile as he quickly rushed out. I hoped it wouldn't take long. I was supposed to be meeting James in thirty minutes.

I was busy editing my report when there was a light knock on my door. My immediate reaction was to groan, wondering what the hell I would be forced to do now.

"Gee, what a warm welcome."

I grinned sheepishly. "Hey, Shane. Sorry about that, I thought you might be Crouch or Nyger asking me to do them another favor."

"Favor?"

I explained what he wanted me to do.

"Ah, yes, the perks of being one of the only few to come into work on a Saturday," Shane said. "Speaking of, shouldn't you be moving in with a certain boyfriend right now? Why are you instead sitting at your desk sucking up to Nyger?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's not by choice," I murmured.

He chuckled and slid into the empty seat in front of my desk. "Ah, well, the least I could do is keep you company."

"The company would be better if he brought beer."

He laughed. "How about firewhisky? I may or may not have some hidden in one of my desk drawers."

My eyebrow shot up. "You have firewhisky lying around and you're just informing me of this now?"

He grinned and disappeared. A few seconds later, he returned with a water bottle (clearly not filled with water) and two glasses. "I feel like this job has doubled my compulsive need for alcohol," he joked as he poured us two glasses.

"Quadrupled," I corrected with a grin.

"So, how did you spend your last night in your flat?"

"I didn't," I responded immediately.

"What?"

I chuckled. "Sirius thought it would be a great idea to make margaritas. So that's what we did. And when we ran out of margarita mix, we decided to just drink straight tequila. Needless to say, we all ended up passing out on the floor of their empty living room."

Shane couldn't help but laugh. "What a way for you and Keegan to spend your last night as roommates. Drunk on some guy's floor."

I hesitated, suddenly reminded of the box labeled 'Hogwarts' that was resting on my bed at the moment. "Nah, it was fun," I said with a nostalgic smile. "Kinda just reminded me of the way things used to be. At Hogwarts."

"Spontaneous?"

I met his gaze, wondering if he could read minds. "Yeah."

"I'll cheers to that," he said, raising his glass. "To spontaneity."

I clinked glasses with him and leaned back in my chair. "Do you ever think about Hogwarts?"

"That's a pretty vague question."

I shrugged. "I know."

"Yes," he responded, his eyes not straying from mine. "I think about it all the time. They were the best years of my life."

"Me, too," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

He cocked his head to the side. "Why are you asking?"

I frowned. "I don't know," I murmured hesitantly. "I guess I'm just…" I trailed off as a slight panic permeated my mind.

"What?" he urged.

I sighed. "I remember how easy it used to be between me and James. At Hogwarts, we were constantly around each other. We practically lived together. The only time we were ever apart was in classes we didn't share together and when he was off with his friends and I was off with mine. We couldn't imagine _not _being around each other. But…but a lot has changed in the past four years. We barely see each other due to our hectic work schedules and I think it's caused us to drift apart unexpectedly. I just…I just hope that we can get back to the way things used to be. I-I don't want to move in with him just to find out…" I trailed off again. Honestly, I didn't know what I was afraid of. This is what I've wanted for so long. For James to _want _to be with me. But what happens if moving in together makes him, or even me, realize that in fact, we weren't meant to be together? That what we had at Hogwarts is something of the past and we'll never find that closeness again? That moving in together is just one huge mistake?

There was a sort of regretful glint in Shane's eye as he gazed up at me. "Lily, it's never going to be the way it used to be at Hogwarts."

I was afraid he might say that.

"But maybe that's a good thing," he murmured, pouring himself another half-glass of firewhisky. "Because how are any of us ever supposed to grow up if we continue living in the past?"

I cracked a smile. "You saying I'm immature?"

He shot me a look, the ends of his mouth curling upward. "_No_. I'm saying that it's easy living _in_ the past. It's not so easy living _for_ the future."

I nodded. "It's the known versus the unknown," I agreed.

"Exactly," he said. "Don't worry about you and James before you need to. Because my guess is, if you're already panicking about moving in with the guy you're madly in love with, there's another reason behind it."

He was right. Even though James tried telling me otherwise, I couldn't help but wonder if James was asking me to move in with him in hopes that that would be enough for me and that I'd put the marriage talk to rest. And who knows? Maybe it will be. Maybe I don't want that ring after all. Maybe coming home to James every night and waking up beside him every morning is all I'll really need. "When did you become so insightful about relationships?" I murmured. "In fact, what was the last relationship you even had? Avery what's-her-face?"

A strained smile appeared on his face. "Bones. Yeah, I guess."

"That was almost two years ago."

He shrugged. "I'm sorry that all of us can't be in long-term committed relationships," he teased.

"I don't see why not. You're certainly a catch."

I could have sworn a tint of pink appeared at the tip of his ears. "And now I'm steering the conversation elsewhere," he said with a chuckle. He picked up the firewhisky. "More?"

"How am I going to apparate with heavy boxes if I'm drunk?"

"Guess you'll just have to make Sirius and Remus do all the moving for you."

I hesitated, holding out my glass. "More please!"

He chuckled as he poured me another glass.

I was about to return to the subject of Shane's relationship status, when a great-horned owl came swooping into the room. "Took them long enough," I muttered, cursing the South American Ministry. I closed up my files and shoved them into my desk as the owl landed on my desk with the envelope. Before I could even reach for it, the owl was out the door.

"Anything good?" Shane asked with a teasing smile.

I let out a light chuckle and was about to say that I doubted it, when two names caught my eye. My heart stopped. "Oh, no," I gasped.

Shane froze. "That doesn't sound good."

I reread the letter twice to be sure I was reading it correctly. I felt the tears spring to my eyes and didn't even try to wipe them away. I slowly shook my head. "It's not."

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I was in the kitchen cleaning out our cabinets (I know, it doesn't sound like me, but I figured I should at least show Lily I knew what organization was), when I heart soft footsteps behind me. "Hey, Lils," I greeted. "You're nearly an hour late. I was beginning to wonder if you had changed your mind."

She shook her head slowly.

"Ta-da!" I snickered, elaborately showing off the cabinet space that had opened up just by throwing away old, cracked dishes. "Can you believe I actually clean-"

"James."

There was a hoarse waver in her voice that made me halt. I looked at her. Really looked at her. The first thing I noticed was the frown on her face. The second thing I noticed was the worry lines between her eyebrows. And the third thing I noticed was the tears in her eyes. My heart fell immediately. "You…you didn't change your mind, right?"

"It's not that," she whispered, taking a step towards me. She reached for my hand, but I pulled it away. Something was clearly wrong and I didn't want her coddling me before telling me whatever it was I'm sure I didn't want to have to hear. A tear spilled out on to her cheek.

"Just say it," I whispered, my bottom lip trembling in anticipation.

She tried blinking away the tears but it did no good. They streamed down her face and at any other point, I would have reached out and wiped them away and told her everything was going to be okay. But it was obvious things weren't okay.

She looked me in the eye and whispered, barely audible, "It…it's Dezzy and Drew."

* * *

**A/N: **Ouch. Another cliffhanger. Worse than before. Bring on the screaming. But just to recap, one of my favorite scenes that I've written in all of the chapters that I've written in this story was that flashback of Lance and Caleb. It teared me up! I know that you all expected to see Riley but I didn't want a funeral to be the reason for her return home.

Next up: what happened to Dezzy and Drew? What's this about another attack? And more secrets from both Sydny and Keegan.


	11. Of Secrets, Attacks, & Negativity

**A/N: **I am sorry for the cliffhanger! But here's some good news - there is NOT a cliffhanger at the end of this chapter...sorta. I guess you'll just have to read on to figure out what happens to Dezzy & Drew.

**Disclaimer: **I might love the HP series, but I didn't write it. And therefore, I own very little in this story.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 11: Of Secrets, Attacks, & Negativity

* * *

**++JAMES++**

"It's…it's Dezzy and Drew."

Everything that quickly followed was hazy. I can barely remember Lily telling me that they had been abducted by Death Eaters. I can barely remember falling into the kitchen chair as I repeated the word 'No' over and over again. I can barely remember Lily hugging me and trying to provide me with comforting words. I can barely remember her telling me that the Auror department was already sending in reinforcements. I can barely remember my whole body going numb as I thought of my baby sister in the arms of Death Eaters.

All I remember was being overwhelmingly scared and uncharacteristically anxious for so many unexplained reasons as I apparated to the Ministry. I knew that no good could come of showing up there (something Lily had attempted to point out). Seeing as I was too close to the situation, Moody would never let me help. In fact, he would most likely take one look at me and send me home. But I refused to let that be the case. I couldn't just sit off on the sidelines and wait for something to happen. I didn't do so well with waiting. I was a jump headfirst into the action kind of guy. Especially when it came to my family.

I wasn't surprised that the offices seemed empty. Not only was it a Saturday, but the Aurors that had ventured in had probably gathered in a conference room to discuss the recent kidnapping. I stormed down the hallway and heard muffled voices coming from my right. I didn't bother knocking, instead barging immediately into the boardroom. Without so much as a nod to anyone in the room, I started yelling. (This I realized later was probably not the way to get any answers. But I was slightly hysterical.) "Why the hell was I notified by my_ girlfriend_ and not by one of my own damned colleagues that my family was in trouble?!"

They all jumped – they being Moody, Sydny, Scrimgeour, Fabian, and Alice. They clearly didn't expect me at all. That didn't deter me from continuing my rant. "My own sister and brother-in-law were kidnapped and no one had the decency to think that perhaps someone should inform me? Might I remind all of you that my family that has already been through so much is crumbling in front of my very eyes? Something I know you're all very well aware of!"

"James," Moody spoke up.

I ignored him. I had no desire to hear an apology. "And what the hell are you all doing sitting around here instead of out _there _trying to find them? Do you really think there's time for a tea party when there's a kidnapping taking place!?"

"_James_," Moody spoke louder, standing up from his chair at the head of the table.

"You know that there's only a small window before a kidnapper becomes a _murderer_!" I barked, my face growing red with anger. I wasn't angry with him but it was a lot easier yelling at them than accepting the inevitable truth.

"James, stop!" Moody shouted.

But I was riled up. "Now who wants to tell me what the bloody game plan is before I start looking for Dezzy and Drew myself!?"

"JAMES!" Moody barked, his eyes wide with frustration. "Your sister and brother-in-law are safe. They're at St. Mungo's right now and your mother is being notified as we speak."

I froze. I wasn't so sure I heard correctly, but there was a feeling of immense relief welling up inside of me. I felt like I was on the verge of tears. Happy, relieved, grateful tears. Only minutes earlier I had been convinced that I was going to lose another member of the family and here, Moony was telling me that they were fine. It was surreal. Chills ran up and down my spine. "They're...they're okay?" I croaked, my voice breaking.

Moody offered me a short nod.

"Well," I said hoarsely, clearing my throat a bit shame-faced. "Why...why wasn't I notified of this change?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest," Moody started slightly coolly, "I wasn't aware you knew that they were kidnapped in the first place."

I shrugged curtly. "Perks of having a girlfriend in the Department of International Magical Cooperation."

"Yeah, well, she didn't have the whole story, did she?" Moody pointed out, his eyebrow shooting him. "I was waiting to tell you anything once we figured out the truth."

"The truth?" I said, confused. "The truth about what?"

I noticed Moody's eyes flicker over to his left and land on Sydny. I hesitated, suddenly wondering why Sydny was there at all. She hadn't been on call. If I wasn't on call, neither was she. Only Fabian and Alice should have been there. Sydny could have been working there on a Saturday, I certainly wouldn't put it past her, but she was in running shorts and a T-shirt and she's never shown up to work without robes.

"Yes," Scrimgeour finally spoke up, not taking his eyes off of Sydny, who was looking rather uncomfortable. "The truth about how Miss Lafevre arrived at the scene of the crime only minutes after Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange attempted to pull off the heist."

My heart sunk. If I was hearing him correctly, I was in debt to Sydny Lafevre. I slowly rolled my eyes over towards her, my lips in a thin line. When she actively avoided eye contact with me, it was then that I realized Moody's implication. Something didn't seem right. "How…how did you know what was happening?" I asked, swallowing hard.

"That was the question we were asking her ourselves before you barged in here," Scrimgeour pointed out. He flashed me a crude smile.

I sunk into an empty chair, sighing. I wasn't going to apologize for my actions. I did have a right to know what was going on in my own family. "Well, please, ask away."

Scrimgeour's gaze lingered on me for what felt like an unnecessary amount of time before he turned back to Sydny. "Miss Lafevre? Do you have anything to say on the matter?"

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how uncomfortable Sydny was. "No," she murmured, slumping down in her chair. A hint of red formed on her cheeks. I could tell she wished she was anywhere but there.

"Well, that isn't exactly good enough considering you swooped in to save the day before anyone else even knew what was happening," I snorted. I winced sheepishly, realizing that it probably wasn't my place to berate her.

Her gaze finally met mine and there was an expression on her face that I couldn't place. Dare I think it was sympathy? But surely, Sydny Lafevre didn't acknowledge any feelings towards anyone else. "I'm...I'm sorry," she murmured in a small voice.

"Lafevre, we need a better answer than that!" Scrimgeour barked. "Unless you want to be out of a job, I'd start talking."

Sydny was squirming and clearly was weighing her options. Her gaze didn't falter from mine and I was oddly drawn to her, the guilt evident in her eyes. She bit down on the bottom of her lip hesitantly before gazing back up at Scrimgeour. While she normally wasn't one to fold due to authoritative threats, there was clear anxiety resting on her face. "I...I-I was…well…um…I…"

"Speak, Lafevre!"

She cringed and I could practically see her heart sinking with defeat. She let out a deep sigh before blurting out, "I was warned about the possibility of a kidnapping occurring to Dezzy Potter and Drew Gilmore."

"By w_ho_?" I cried out, wincing again when I realized I was talking out of turn.

It went unnoticed, however. I think everyone was eager to find out who as well.

"It doesn't matter. It just-"

"Of course it does!" I snapped, finally earning a look from Moody. "It's about the only thing that _does _matter as far as I'm concerned."

"James," Moody said.

I cut him off, continuing to glare at Sydny. "This is my family we're talking about, Lafevre. I'm grateful that they're safe, don't get me wrong, but I'd like to be reassured that this won't happen again. So if you were warned by someone that my _sister _was in danger, I deserve to know who!"

She met my gaze and the strong, confident look in her eyes that I had become accustomed to seeing suddenly disappeared. Vulnerability stared back at me. She quickly turned away without saying anything.

"Miss Lafevre, I advise you give up that name _now_," Scrimgeour warned in a deep voice.

None of us particularly respected Scrimgeour in the same way we respected Moody, but you definitely didn't disobey him when he ordered you around.

I saw Sydny glance ever-so-slightly up at Moody who pursed his lips and produced a single nod. Barely noticeable but to me, it seemed rather odd. Sydny turned to face Scrimgeour hesitantly, taking her time to deliberate her options before speaking, her voice barely above a whisper. "It was Regulus Black."

The room went deadly silent as we all digested that information. "Regulus Black is a Death Eater," I said coolly.

"Not anymore he isn't," she defended quickly, shaking her head. "After he got acquitted for the United States damage, he had a change of heart. He's going into hiding with…well, with who doesn't matter." I definitely noticed a brief glance in my direction, but she continued before I could comment. "But...but he was desperate to warn someone of Voldemort's immediate plans before doing so."

"And why would he choose you?" Scrimgeour dared to ask, uncertain he wanted to hear the answer.

She paused. "I don't know," she said, her voice wavering slightly. It was obvious that she was lying.

Scrimgeour's eyes narrowed and I saw a flicker of angry determination in his eyes, a look that was rare for him. "Lafevre, you are on thin ice right now. If you have any more information, I'd seriously recommend you give it up."

Her eyes met mine again and didn't stray. But she remained silent.

Scrimgeour then asked the question I wanted the answer for most. "Are you working for someone else?" he barked, his eyes filling with rage. I cowered at the sheer volume of his voice.

I had to give Sydny her props. Scrimgeour didn't get angry often and when he did, most people bowed down to him and obeyed with whatever requests he had considering he was the Head of the British Auror Department. Sydny, however, chose to held her own. "I'm not working for the other side if that's what you think," she responded, slightly offended by the accusation. "I'm not a double agent. I do not, never have, and never _will _work for Voldemort."

"Oh, gee, sorry if a _promise _isn't terribly comforting but it's clear you know more than you're letting on and frankly, thinking you might be a double agent shouldn't come as a surprise to you right now," I drawled sarcastically. I didn't even care that I was bordering on out of line. She was being completely evasive and Merlin knows I wasn't going to stand for it, especially when it came to my family.

"James," Moody warned, giving me a look.

"What?" I cried back, perturbed by Moody's softened look. Dare I say he looked guilty? "She is not giving us any information and I think we all know she has some. And I think after the hell that my family has been through over the years, I deserve some answers!"

"James," Moody said, his tone full of pleading, "Please calm down."

I stared back at him, my eyes blazing with immense frustration. "Did you ever notice how telling someone to calm down has the opposite effect?" I barked, trying not to blow up at the Second-in-Command. "Another member of my already-diminished family came _this close _to getting murdered and you're seriously asking me to...to calm down?" I seethed, swallowing hard. "I don't think you realize what I'm going through right now." I was livid, that much was obvious. There were people in that room that clearly had some answers and were refusing to give them up. Even Alice and Fabian, who sat silently at one end of the table, looked rather eager for answers. And at that moment, I was ready to throw around some hexes no matter how out of line that might be.

Moody winced and I turned away, ignoring the aching expression on his face. "You're right," he said softly. "I don't know how you're feeling. But maybe right now you should just be thankful that your sister and brother-in-law are safe. Let's not focus on why they are."

He definitely knew something. "I _am _thankful that they're alive so don't insinuate that I'm not," I snapped, bordering on an unacceptable tone. "But that woman knows something she's not telling us and I'll be damned if I'm going to be leaving this room without some form of a bloody answer!"

Moody's eyes turned hard, his patience clearly dispersing. "Answers aren't going to solve our problems right now, James." His voice was cold. Frustrated. "And I really don't think anything is going to get resolved by yelling at each other."

I was so over this nonsense. I clenched my fists and counted to ten, knowing it wouldn't be wise to blow up at the Second-in-Command's face. "Fine," I said coolly. I pushed back my chair and stood up. "I'm heading to St. Mungo's. If-"

"No," Moody pleaded. "We need to keep this under wraps and Merlin knows the _Daily Prophet _will be swarming the hospital once this news leaks out, especially if they see you arriving there. We don't need them bombarding you right now."

"Why do I have to stay?" I questioned. "I didn't do anything wrong."

Since day one, I had only seen Moody look helpless once. It was when he found out Marianna Humphries was killed. And now he was giving me a look that told me that I was obviously allowed to do what I please but that it would be considered a huge favor if I stayed. "Please, James."

I sighed, knowing I would obey. I wanted more than anything to tell him to go screw himself and blow off his request, but I respected Moody too much for that. It was clear he knew something I didn't, so I reluctantly obliged. "Fine," I muttered. I glanced back towards Sydny. "You going to do any more talking or am I just better off returning to my desk?"

She avoided eye contact with me, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

"I guess that answers that question," I snapped, whirling around and rushing out without another word.

I tried finishing up a background check on my desk, but I knew only five minutes into it, that it was a lost cause. I chucked the report across my desk out of anger. Anger towards Voldemort. Anger towards the Lestranges. Anger towards Sydny. But mostly anger towards myself.

What did I ever do to Voldemort to deserve such retaliation? Would he not stop until every single member of my family was gone? What did that accomplish? Why did it seem he was deliberately going after the people I loved?

Everyone around me was in danger. And it appeared that there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.

As my eyes grazed towards a photo of my friends taken at one of our Friday Night Dinners in the corner of my desk, I couldn't help but depressingly wonder who was going to be next.

"Hey."

I lifted my eyes slightly but chose to remain mute. I didn't have a whole lot I wanted or needed to say to Lafevre.

She sighed, taking her own seat at the adjoining desk. "I'm being taken hostage, too."

"Yeah, well I think you probably deserve it more than I do." I didn't intend to sound so vehement, but I wasn't surprised that it came out that way.

She winced. "I deserved that," she murmured.

I whirled my chair around to glare at her. "Who the hell are you, Lafevre?"

"What?"

"I mean it," I demanded, my anger teetering on pure detestation for the secretive woman in front of me. "You have done one hell of job disguising who you are since you started here, but it's time for you to come clean. How the hell did you know my brother and how the hell do you know Regulus? You sure as hell didn't attend Beauxbatons so what are you hiding there? Why did you become an Auror and why are you so determined not to tell me? I think I deserve some answers considering you're my partner!"

I was surprised to see that a look of sorrow crossed her face. She remained silent for what felt like eternity, but I could tell she was considering answering me. Eventually, she sighed. "Potter," she said softly, "It's not that I don't want to provide you with answers. It's that…I-I don't want to put you in danger."

I couldn't help but burst into laughter. Danger was apparently my middle name. "My family apparently has a huge target on its back so from what I can see, I'm already in danger."

"I know."

"No, I don't think you do."

She sighed, biting down on her bottom lip. "I-I do, James," she muttered sincerely, slowly shaking her head. That flicker of vulnerability once again flashed through her eyes as she slowly locked eyes with me. "I _know_ you're in danger. Trust me, I do, and I don't want-"

There was something in her tone that made me interrupt her, confused. "How the hell do you know I'm in danger?"

Panic played across her face. "I just mean I know how much you've suffered."

She was so obviously hiding something. "Liar."

"Excuse me?"

"You're lying. You know more than you're letting on and it's about bloody time you start talking, Lafevre. I'm getting pretty damned tired of wondering who the hell I'm dealing with. What are you so determined to hide?"

She turned her gaze away from me, frowning. Eventually, she spoke. "Please let it go, James," she said softly.

I hesitated. I didn't even realize she knew my first name. I glanced over at her and saw a sense of desperation seeping from her eyes. "What's going on, Lafevre?" I pleaded.

"Nothing you need to know," she responded a little too quickly, turning around in her chair so I was forced to stare at the back of her head. "Please just let it go."

"This is my family we're talking about here, Lafevre. I can't let it go," I argued. "I _won't _let it go."

"Well, you're going to have to because I'm keeping my mouth shut," she snapped.

I glared at her. "Why are you so determined to keep secrets from me?" I barked. "How the hell am I supposed to trust you if I don't know anything about you?"

She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder curiously. "You could just thank me, Potter."

I scowled. "For _what_?"

"For saving your sister's life."

I stiffened, suddenly despising the girl sitting in front of me. "Maybe I'll thank you once you actually tell me what you were doing there."

She pursed her lips. "You're the most ungrateful person I know," she scoffed, whirling back around.

"Yeah, and you're the most _secretive _person _I _know," I shot back, narrowing my eyes.

"You better start getting used to it."

I could tell she was getting angry, but so was I. "I'm already used to it!" I argued. "But I'm beginning to realize that you don't care. That you work for someone other than this damned Auror department. I just don't know who. The French Ministry? Voldemort? The Death Eaters? A particular Death Eater?"

"If I was working for them, do you _honestly _think I would have savedyour bloody family?" Lafevre snapped, her eyes gleaming with anger. It was obvious she didn't appreciate being accused of being on the dark side.

I ignored her. "Then why the hell did a _known _Death Eater seek _you _out? How did he know where to find _you_? Why did he feel it necessary to warn _you_ but not anyone else?" I barked, not caring that my voice was rising by the second. I knew that I could probably be heard from the conference room, but I was determined to figure out what Lafevre was up to. "And how do you know that I'm in danger? And what does Moody know that you know? God help me, if I do one day find out you're on _their _side, I will personally hunt you down and murder you in your sleep."

"I am _not _working for them, you son of a bitch," she snarled. "But maybe you could show a hint of compassion considering I'm here in London to protect _you!_"

That caught me off-guard completely. I had to blink a few times before I realized that I had heard her correctly. That's why she was transferred to our office? To protect me? Was that why Moody seemed to know more than he was telling?

Instead of asking these questions, I pursed my lips angrily. Because being a surly son-of-a-bitch was my defense mechanism apparently. Especially around her. "Yeah, well you're not doing such a good job at it, are you," I snarled.

I wouldn't have been surprised if she had slapped me or thrown a file folder directly at my face. But she didn't. Instead her look softened and her eyes filled with something I couldn't place. Sorrow? Guilt? Sympathy? "I know," she admitted, sighing deeply.

I quirked an eyebrow. It was unlike Lafevre to admit defeat. "I don't need your protection, Lafevre."

"Maybe you don't, but your family and friends could certainly use it," she said softly.

It was like she was reading my mind. I couldn't even argue because it was clearly true. "And apparently part of that protection is befriending known Death Eaters?"

She frowned. "I didn't know Regulus before tonight. He sought me out."

"Why?"

She didn't respond. Big shock, right?

I sighed "Who sent you here to protect me?" I asked.

She hesitated. I could see the wheels turning in her head. "Look, Potter," she said slowly, "I have no idea what's going on around you but I'm here to help figure it out."

"Wow, way to actively avoid my question by responding with a vague statement," I retorted sarcastically.

"I've already said too much," she admitted pleadingly.

"Really? Because it feels like you've said nothing."

She simply shrugged. "Your sister and brother-in-law are safe, Potter. Can't that be good enough for now?"

My heart skipped a beat. I still couldn't believe that they were alive. The moment Lily informed me they had been kidnapped, I thought for sure I would soon be mourning the loss of another sibling. "Please just answer me one question."

She didn't respond, but glanced up at me curiously.

"Why did Regulus warn _you_?" I dared to ask again, my voice filled with desperation. At that moment, it was the only question I truly wanted an answer to. I didn't care that she was apparently sent to protect me. I didn't care that someone from the Dark Side was obviously out to get me. I didn't care that Sydny was determined to keep her past hidden from me. I just needed to know why and how Sydny was able to save Dezzy. Because I wasn't about to thank her unless I knew for certain she hadn't been involved in the first place.

She sighed. I thought she'd avoid the question but she surprised me. "I meant what I said before. I-I...I never met him before tonight," she admitted. "He just…" she trailed off, gazing at me curiously. "He just knew that I would be able to help him without having to explain himself."

That clearly didn't answer my question, but I could tell it was her way of trying to give me some information to go off of. "How? Why you?"

She swallowed hard. "That I can't tell you," she pleaded.

I clenched my fists tightly, turning back around to face my own desk. I picked up my quill and stared down at the files in front of me, wanting nothing more than to continue berating Sydny. But it was clear no matter how much I begged for answers, she wouldn't give them to me. My eyes fell upon another photo on my desk. A photo of my family, a photo taken nearly nine years earlier at Wyatt's graduation. The last day I ever saw him. My gaze lingered over Dezzy, who was only nine at the time. But even then, she still looked as wise and mischievous as she was today. She was one of my best friends. I had no idea what I would do without her.

I bit down on my tongue to stop me from lashing out at Sydny. "Why do I bother even pleading with you?" I murmured hollowly, glancing over my shoulder at her. "You could care less about anyone but yourself."

Sydny's eyes flickered with resentment. "If I really only cared about myself, would I have saved your sister?" she sneered. "I don't think you realize how much I put myself in jeopardy by going after Bellatrix and her little sidekick. My whole cover could have been blown and-"

"Why the hell do you even have a cover, Lafevre?" I barked.

Her lips formed a firm line, but before she could retort, I interrupted angrily, "Oh, let me guess, _you can't tell me_."

She averted her eyes towards the ground guiltily and for a moment (just for a slight moment) I almost felt sorry for her. It was obvious she was holding a lot in. But then I remembered that I had a lot laid out on the line and it seemed as if she had all sorts of answers that she was unwilling to divulge. I didn't realize I was gripping my quill that tightly until I saw a light stream of blood ooze from my palm. The top of the quill had dug into my hand; I threw it on to my desk with an irritated grunt. "I am _so _tired of feeling like everyone around me is conspiring against me. When you want to be a true partner, you can come find me in the training facilities."

Whenever I got stressed, I hit the gym. And I was most definitely stressed at that moment.

She didn't respond, slowly turning around in her chair to face her own work.

I don't know what I was hoping for from her, but she clearly was done speaking to me. So without another word, I walked out.

* * *

**++FABIAN++**

I wasn't surprised when James sauntered into the weights area only a few minutes after I found myself down there. Whenever he felt emotionally drained or he felt like the world was only seconds away from crashing down on him, he used exercise as a way to soothe himself.

"Hey," I greeted awkwardly. What do you say to a guy whose sister almost died?

"What the hell happened today?" he blurted out.

I hesitated, slowly putting down the medicine ball I was holding. I guess I should have expected that question. "Honestly?" I murmured, wiping my brow that was dripping with sweat. "I don't know."

"You know more than I do," James retaliated.

I slowly sat down on the nearby bench. "I was sitting at my desk finishing up my evaluations on the training session held on Thursday when chaos erupted. Moody came flying out of the elevator yelling so many different commands. The only one I heard was Dezzy Potter so immediately, Alice and I were alert. He instructed us to apparate to this tiny village outside Sao Paulo immediately and to prepare for a battle while he summoned other Aurors. Alice and I were heading out of the Ministry ready to apparate when…when Sydny suddenly appeared," I murmured, racking my brain to remember all of the details. "She told us Dezzy and Drew were fine, minus a few bruises here and there, and that they were being sent to St. Mungo's. Alice and I had no idea what to believe. We quickly followed Sydny back up to the Auror Department where Moody seemed to be waiting for us and…well, that was that."

"What do you mean that was that?" he asked, frustrated. "What did she say?"

"I don't know," I admitted with a guilty shrug. "Moody rushed her into his office where they remained huddled for the next fifteen minutes or so. Until Scrimgeour showed up. He ushered us all into the conference room for some explanation and that's when you entered."

James sighed, rubbing his temples bemusedly. "How did she know?" he muttered.

I knew it was rhetorical. "I don't think she's working for Voldemort, if that's what you're worried about."

He shook his head. "I-I don't think she is either," he admitted slowly. "But she's definitely working for someone. And it doesn't appear to be Scrimgeour all the time."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

He sounded so bitter, I wonder if he knew something I didn't. I clapped him on the back, wishing I could provide him with some sort of reassurance that everything was going to be okay. But that wasn't something I could reassure him. "Dezzy and Drew are safe," I said softly. "Let's just be grateful for that."

He sighed. "I wish that could just be it," he murmured, desperation seeping through his words, "But I just…"

"Just what?"

He was silent for a long time, but I could see distress resting in his eyes. He almost lost his sister today and I could tell he was scared that this wouldn't be the first time she'd be targeted. "How did Rodolphus and Bellatrix even know where Dezzy and Drew were in the first place?"

"What?"

He shrugged. "It's not a coincidence," he murmured. "It can't be. Dezzy and Drew must have been followed or they were tracked down. But…but how? How did Bellatrix and Rodolphus know they were in South America? How did they know exactly where they were in South America unless they had their itinerary? An itinerary that was only in the hands of a select few. And why were they chosen to kidnap Dezzy and Drew? Why them? And why were they choosing to kidnap them instead of just…kill them?"

It had been a long time since I saw James look so overwhelmed and distraught, but he was clearly feeling tormented in that moment. I know that James often felt helpless when it came to the unfortunate tragedies that seem to have been directly affecting him. And I know that he didn't deal well with helplessness. Control and manipulation was something he actively desired. And something he suddenly didn't have anymore. "James, we can't know what's going through Voldemort's head. Or the Death Eaters'. They torture for fun. There's no…no real plan."

"Then why does it feel like everything always happens to me?" he murmured.

A twinge of agony fluttered in my heart. "It doesn't," I said softly. "My brother died, too, if you recall. At the same time that Brite did."

He winced, glancing at me with a sigh. "I need to stop living in self-pity, don't I?"

I shrugged. "I think self-pity just makes it that much harder to-"

"Live?"

I met his gaze. "Yeah."

We sat in silence before James climbed off the bench and headed towards the punching bag. Minutes later, he was smacking the shit out of it. I had a feeling he was visualizing Voldemort.

Or maybe even Sydny.

We worked out in silence, needing that time to ourselves. James was waiting for anyone to relieve him so he can rush to St. Mungo's to be by his sister's side. And I just needed it to figure out what the hell happened today. Why Regulus sought Sydny out. Why she had spent so much time in Moody's office. What she was so determined to hide.

Since Alice and I were the only two Aurors here when the tragedy struck, we thought we'd have some insight. But Moody didn't seem the least bit interested in what we had to say once Sydny arrived on site. I think James was right. She was working for someone. And I think Moody knew who.

Alice was upstairs with Moody so hopefully she could get some answers from him. If anyone could persuade Moody, it was her. We all knew she was one of Moody's favorite.

"Looking good, boys."

Both James and I turned our heads towards the entranceway where Lily stood leaning casually against the doorframe.

"Lily," James whispered, his voice filled with desperation.

She smiled. "I just spoke to Nyger. Your sister and Drew made it safely to St. Mungo's and your mother is with them. I told Moody that your mom wants you there. He's letting you go but only if you promise to stay away from the press. He wants to keep this all under wraps."

James let out a huge sigh of relief. "How is Dezzy? And Drew?"

"Dezzy's good," she responded hesitantly. "She's awake. Just a few bumps and bruises. Drew is…" she trailed off awkwardly. "He's not conscious right now but the Healers think he will be fine. Nora is on her way over here to talk to Moody and Scrimgeour before she'll be heading to the hospital."

James sighed, grabbing his wand and cleaning the sweat off his face. "C'mon, let's get to St. Mungo's."

"The only way you're going to St. Mungo's is in a body bag."

Chills ran down my spine as my attention was drawn to the two people standing directly behind Lily.

"Your security sucks on Saturday," Bellatrix Black sneered.

* * *

**++BELLATRIX++**

I hated them all. I hated them in Hogwarts and I still hated them four years later. They think they're so smug and superior when in fact, they're just a bunch of wannabe warriors who really have no fight in them. I wanted them dead.

Of course, the Dark Lord insisted on keeping James Potter alive. I had no idea what his agenda was but I wasn't about to question it. To question the Dark Lord would be putting a death sentence on yourself.

I didn't know how that woman found out about our abduction plans, but I knew that the Dark Lord wouldn't be happy. I was a little peeved that he had wanted me to only kidnap Dezzy Potter and not kill her immediately. I had no idea why but he had wanted to have a conversation with her and he never gave me an inkling as to why but the plan went horribly awry when that bitchy formerly France Auror (who had ruined a number of our plans over the years and I was beginning to put her on top of my Shit List) had entered the scene and thrown me and Rodolphus for a loop. So if I couldn't have Dezzy, I decided to take matters into my own hand and went directly after James' weakest link: Lily Evans. She was always going to be the ultimate plan in Voldemort's mind anyway so I was ready to put her on top of the target list. James Potter had fawned over her for practically ten years. It had been disgusting to watch. But I will certainly enjoy watching her die in front of his very eyes.

Rodolphus and I followed that Sydny hag back to British the Ministry surreptitiously, knowing that James and Lily would end up back there. They were so predictable. And Lily made my job a hell of a lot easier when she traipsed down to the training facilities where James was residing at the time. I'm telling you, the security on a Saturday was lackadaisical at best. Between the two of us, Rodolphus and I muttered a simple Avada Kedavra spell and the security guards hit the ground in seconds.

I couldn't help but enjoy the frightened looks on the faces of all those now standing in front of me, and was surprisingly overjoyed by the appearance of Fabian Prewett as well. They knew they were trapped. There was only one door and I was blocking it.

I saw Fabian reach for his wand, but I was too quick for him. "_Crucio!_"

He crumbled to the floor, fighting the screams he was clearly too proud to let out.

Lily raised her wand towards me, shooting a stinging hex towards me. It attacked my arm, but I ignored the pain as I sent her a fire-searing spell at her. I cackled humorously as she fell forward with a shout. I knew a burning sensation was covering every inch of her skin. I ignored James' shouts to leave her alone. How sickeningly valiant of him. But as James started towards me, Rodolphus began dueling the prat.

Rodolphus was sending puny spells at the guy, nothing that would substantially kill him. I knew it was killing Rodolphus to be playing such amateur games with him, but we had all taken an oath that the only person who would ever be murdering James Potter was the Dark Lord. And not for quite some time. I couldn't be sure of what or why, but the Dark Lord had a special plan in store for goody-two-shoes James Potter.

Which was fine by me. I was determined to go after Lily Evans.

Fabian was attempting to catch his breath, my Cruciatus Curse interrupted by the advances of Lily. He shared a sideways glance with Lily as he stood up off the ground, his wand pointed in my direction.

Jets of light flew from all five wands in the room, a display of fireworks spilling throughout as we dodged and deflected and ducked as best we could.

"Get out of my way, fool!" I shouted at Fabian as he attempted to shield Lily, who was still searing with pain from my fire-searing spell. "I am not here for you but I have no trouble killing you if I need to," I snarled, ducking as a weak orange light came soaring towards me.

On the other side of the room, James was doing a bloody good job at dodging the pathetic curses Rodolphus was doing. As the seconds ticked by, I could tell Rodolphus' spells were getting more and more dangerous. He gasped as a slapping spell hit him straight in the nose. I watched as blood poured from my husband's nose. "You filthy blood traitor!" he snarled, raising his wand high above his head. "_CRUCIO!_"

I hugged a column in the middle of the room as Fabian tried to stun me, watching as Lily screamed loudly as she was forced to survey her precious boyfriend writhe painfully on the ground in front of her. "Damnit, Rodolphus, let him go!" I sneered. "We need to keep that ingrate alive! We're here for the girl, remember?"

He pulled his wand off of him, sending him a mere stinging spell to the face.

"_Arabambra!_" I shouted, my wand pointed directly towards Fabian, who had attempted to catch me off-guard while I turned my attention towards James. Fabian was suddenly soaring through the air and slamming against the mirrors on the other side of the room. They shattered around him as he crumbled to the ground with a loud groan.

Out of the corner of the eye, I noticed I had Lily all to myself now. I grinned wickedly. "Usually, I like to play with my prey before killing them mercilessly," I snapped, my wand pointed in her face. _"Suffacato_!" I shouted, a wisp of air wrapping around the girl's throat. "Unfortunately, I don't have time for that," I sneered, my wand pointed determinedly at her throat. She gasped for air, trying to cry for help with very little success. Her wand fell to the ground soon followed by her knees. Her face was turning purple and I knew in a matter of seconds, she'd be unconscious enough for me to finish her off.

I was thrown off balance when James came charging at me, knocking me to the ground the old-fashioned way. I glared down at the fool. "You want to be next?" I sneered, sticking my wand in the middle of his forehead.

"What happened to not killing him?" Rodolphus grumbled, a gash now joining his broken nose on his face. James Potter certainly knew how to inflict pain upon others when necessary.

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was right. I let Rodolphus continue fighting James as he muttered a fire-searing curse. James tried ducking, but the jet of red light shot across his legs and he cried out in pain.

As I once again returned my malicious gaze upon Lily Evans, whose eyes were fighting consciousness still, I took pleasure out of knowing I would finally be able to finish her off. Her wand was pointed towards me, but her eyes were too glazed over to know what she was doing. She was a strong fighter, I'd give her that much. But after today, she would have absolutely no chance to ever fight back again. _"ARAHAMBRA!_" I cried out in pleasure. I grinned as she shot across the room and her body slammed across one of the columns with a sickening crunching sound. She fell to the ground limply and I knew she was still fighting consciousness as I watched her eyelids droop in and out with light groans escaping from her lips.

I started to once again advance towards her when suddenly I heard footsteps behind me. I whirled around but before I could register Alice Fisher standing there, I was thrown against the wall by a blasting curse. I panicked slightly. I knew that we must have been making a ton of noise and she would have called for backup. Rodolphus and I probably only had two minutes before a slew of Aurors came barreling through the door.

"Rodolphus!" I shouted as he continued to smack around James. I ducked as an orange light was shot at me by Alice, who had rushed to Lily's side. I knew Lily wasn't dead (which would be yet another thing the Dark Lord would reprimand me for later), but I didn't have time to finish her off. "We've got to get out of here!"

He muttered another curse towards James, who was on the verge of passing out and yet still advancing towards Rodolphus, and rushed my way. Rodolphus stunned Alice, who was so busy keeping one eye on Lily and her other eye on me didn't realize Rodolphus was behind her, and she was rammed into the mirror unexpectedly. For a second, I considered killing Lily in the corner, but James was making his way towards me that I knew I had no time. He hit me with another painful stinging hex, one straight to my face, and as I screamed, I blasted him off the ground and he slammed into a column. Without bothering to see how hard I hit him, I frantically grabbed Rodolphus' hand and hurried out of the room. I could hear shouts and screams behind me and knew that if we had stayed for even a few seconds later, we would have had a one-way ticket to Azkaban.

* * *

**++KAY++**

I was finishing up my twelve-hour graveyard shift at St. Mungo's and about to apparate over to Potter Manor to help with the move when my coworker, Reynolds Baker, came rushing into the employee locker room to inform me that Dezzy and Drew Gilmore were being transported to St. Mungo's after some sort of kidnapping gone wrong in South America. I immediately hurried back into my hospital robes and raced back up to the lobby area with Reynolds. I was so grateful to find out that Drew finally awoke and both he and Dezzy were going to be alright, except for a few minor scrapes and bruises from dueling the Death Eaters (with, from what I could tell, the help of Sydny; not sure why she was in Brazil or why she wasn't in the hospital wing now, but I've learned not to ask questions), and after speaking to Maya, I was back down in the locker room. From what she told me, James was still at the Auror offices with Moody, and Lily was coordinating with her boss, Nyger, and the South American Ministry, but I knew that they'd probably be showing up shortly. I was rushing out of my hospital robes again in order to apparate to Lance's bookstore, knowing he needed to learn that his brother almost died, when Reynolds reappeared to inform me that Death Eaters had broken into the Ministry and attacked some Aurors in the basement training facility. I didn't even have to ask him who he meant. The only reason he would have been frantically telling me this is if one of them was James.

What I didn't expect was to see Lily being levitated into the ER as well.

I was trying to help stabilize Fabian while Lily and James were rushed into surgery by a team of Healers. Alice was fine, just a drastic cut on her head from being slammed into the mirrors, and she was insisting that she didn't need any more medical help (screaming, more like it) and that she wanted to see James and Lily. Fabian awoke from his brief coma only minutes later, but I knew he would. Although he had been slammed around a few times and his face was swollen and covered in blood, he was far more stable than James and Lily were. It was clear they had been the targets.

"Where are they?" Fabian murmured, clearly panicked. "Where are James and Lily?"

"That's a damned good question!" Alice cried out, swatting away one of the mediwitches' hands. "Stop poking and prodding me, I'm fine! Where the hell did they take James and Lily?"

"Alice?" Fabian muttered, clearly confused. My guess is that he must have fell unconscious before Alice arrived on the scene. "Is that you? Why are you here? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" she cried out for what must have been the hundredth time in a span of five minutes. "Just a few cuts and bruises. What about you?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said hastily, turning back towards me. "Kay, tell me that James and Lily are okay," Fabian said softly, flinching as I raised his arm over his head. I could tell he was in serious pain, but it was clear he was more concerned about his friends.

I locked eyes with his, panic setting in. I had been trying to focus on stabilizing Fabian so that I didn't have to focus on the fact that two of my oldest friends were lying unconscious on a hospital bed about to be probed by multiple Healers. I was about to reassure Fabian they'd be fine out of habit's sake, but the desperate look in his eye kept me from lying. So I chose to avoid the question. "It looks like you have a cracked rib and a fractured collarbone, which will be easy enough for us to fix, but I'm more concerned with the bruises on your face and the bump on the back of your head. We'll need to keep you here for a few days to keep an eye on the swelling."

Fabian groaned. "Why am I always the one who has to stay for observation?"

I tried laughing, but laughter seemed impossible in that moment. "Sorry. Hospital rules."

"Can I at least see James and Lily before you admit me?"

I hesitated, glancing over my shoulder to where Alice was now staring at me as well. She somehow got the mediwitch to leave her alone, but there was now a bandage wrapped around her head to suppress the cut. I let go of Fabian's arm with a frown. "They're both being examined by our best team of Healers right now. I don't know how long they'll be with them."

Neither said anything, most likely afraid of that implication. It was common knowledge in the wizarding world that most people who are unconscious either wake up or end up dying quickly after. Comas weren't a common thing Curses and hexes and spells are dangerous to a body and while the pain can render a person unconscious fairly quickly, it's often tough to bounce back after. When someone comes into St. Mungo's in a coma, it takes much manual and instrumental technique to find and diagnose the problem in order to inevitably fix it.

"How are Dezzy and Drew?" Fabian asked, choosing not to dwell on my comment.

"They're both doing well," I said with a strained smile. "Drew's leg will take some time to heal, but Dezzy should be fine."

"Has…has anyone told them about…" Alice spoke softly.

Fabian and Alice met my gaze. "Caleb?" I whispered, the word catching in my throat.

She nodded.

"Not yet," I said, a lump forming in my throat. "I-I didn't think it was my place. Nora is with Scrimgeour and Moody now but should be on her way to the hospital shortly. She…she's going to tell them."

Alice nodded gloomily, tears springing to her eyes. "This has been a horrible day," she whispered, lying back down against her pillow defeatedly.

"No one died today," Fabian spoke softly.

"Unfortunately, that's not true," I spoke with a sigh. "There were four security guards that were killed."

Alice turned to look at me and I could tell she was fighting to keep the tears from falling. "This day really needs to end."

I couldn't agree more.

I was so grateful I nearly cried when I finally saw Lance walk through the door with his mother right behind him. I held on to him for so long, feeling intense comfort and security in his arms. It didn't change what happened to Drew and it didn't change what happened to Caleb and it didn't change what happened to Fabian and Alice and Lily and James, but it made it easier having him by my side. I tried so desperately to not think of Lily lying in a hospital bed being poked and prodded. I tried not to gather any horrible thoughts, trying to believe that she would be alright. But as much as I tried to think positively, I failed. She was my best friend. I needed her. With Riley gone, she was all I had left.

Nora went into the room that Dezzy and Drew were sharing, insisting that Lance and I join her. I didn't know if it was because she couldn't do it alone or if because she wanted Dezzy and Drew to have support when they found out that Caleb was gone and they didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to him. Whichever it was, it was so difficult reliving it again. I held on to Dezzy as she sobbed in denial, watching Lance and Drew grasp tightly to each other as the silent tears slipped down both their faces. Instinctively, I reached out my hand to Lance who grabbed it and squeezed it. We would always be there for each other. Even in the most difficult times, I would always have him. I kept reminding myself of that as thoughts of Caleb trounced my memory.

Lance's entire family eventually all showed up at staggered times and at one point, Fabian and Alice traipsed into the room to lend their support. Not so surprisingly, Frank, Sirius, Remus, and Peter wandered into the room. I wasn't even surprised when Shane Redford walked through the door either. I have no idea who had told them all that Dezzy and Drew had almost been kidnapped, that Fabian and Alice had been attacked and that James and Lily were nearing death (my guess is a mix of Maya and Sirius), but there were over fifteen people crowded into that small room. Which, naturally, the Healers couldn't accept. Anyone that wasn't blood related to Drew or Dezzy was kicked out pretty soon thereafter and hung around the waiting area for news on Lily and James. Except for Alice and Fabian who were admitted to the hospital for observation, much to their protests.

Being a mediwitch at St. Mungo's, you'd think that I'd be able to obtain information, but no one seemed to know anything. Or if they did know, they weren't telling me. I was trying so hard to act calm and composed, knowing that everyone was looking to me as a mediwitch for some reassurance, but inside, I was screaming. Lily was my oldest friend. I didn't know what I'd do if I lost her.

I know that Lily didn't have any immediate family left, but looking around the waiting area at all the worried people that had gathered, I knew she was lucky to have so many people care about her well-being. Every day, I stood by as unconscious wizards and witches were levitated into the observation frooms And every day, I saw some who didn't have anyone pacing around the waiting area praying for their full recovery. And 85% of the time, those with loved ones came out alive and those without didn't.

I just prayed that Lily was a part of that 85%.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I had been attempting to piece together a dresser (with some major help of my wand, that's for sure), when Frank came barreling through our front door. His words were jumbled and frantic, but it didn't take a genius to realize that Fabian, Alice, James, and Lily had been attacked. I was more confused by the short explanation of how Dezzy and Drew were supposedly kidnapped but somehow, Sydny showed up and saved them. I had a feeling there was more to that story, but the moment I heard James and Lily has been attacked, I barely heard another word.

Only a few hours had passed since we found out about the attacks, but it felt like an eternity. I was trying hard to keep a smile on my face, mostly because people expected it of me, but it was difficult knowing that my friends' lives hung in the balance. James was my best friend in the entire world. He was like a brother to me. I didn't know what I would do without him in my life. Even the thought of it was enough to fill me with panic. And Lily. She, too, had become a member of my family. She was like that annoying little sister who you absolutely adored even when she was bugging you and interrogating you. I loved the girl. Not in a romantic way. But in a protective-best-friend kind of way. She and I had a similar story. She lost her family and in a way, so did I. We understood each other and often we knew what the other was thinking before our thoughts were already formed. She had to be alive. And not just for my sake, but for James' too. His life would be over without her. That much I knew.

At one point as we all sat around that waiting room, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. There, I let a small flood of tears succumb me, desperately trying to blink them away. And for the first time in years, I found myself praying to God. I needed them both to wake up. They were all I had left in this crappy world.

When I returned, my worries were interrupted by Alice's voice. After a few more tests, she had been discharged, the Healers believing her to not have any substantial injuries, which provided her and Frank with immense relief. "Has anyone talked to Keegan?" she asked curiously. "Does she know about Fabian and Lily?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I spoke to her."

Shocked gazes stared up at me.

I shrugged. "I figured she might wonder why Lily hadn't shown up to start the moving process." After Frank had barged into our apartment, he and Remus hightailed it to the hospital, but as I was about to apparate with them, I realized that Keegan needed to be told. So I made a quick pit stop across the hall.

"Gee, how unusually thoughtful of you," Shane said with a smile. A strained smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"So where is she?" Peter asked.

I frowned, not sure how to answer that. As it turned out, my arrival at Keegan's door was coincided with an urgent owl from the _Daily Prophet_. The Sunday edition had already been sent to press for a final edit but seeing as the kidnapping and the attack had occurred, naturally, Jasper Malone wanted to capitalize on that and demanded all available journalists to report to the office for further instruction.

"Outta my way, Black," she had barked, whipping past me.

"Wait, you can't go," I had pleaded, grabbing her arm before she could apparate.

"Why not?" she had asked bitterly.

I hesitated. "Did that letter from Malone happen to say who was kidnapped or who was attacked?"

She pulled her arm back, confusedly. "No. Why?"

I had gone silent, hating that I was the one to tell her the unfortunate news. "It was Dezzy and Drew in Brazil. They were the ones the Death Eaters were after."

Her face grew white. "What?" she whispered hoarsely. "Are they-"

"There's more."

She reached out to steady herself on the wall, shooting me an inquisitive look, one filled with panic and fear.

"James, Alice, Lily and…um…Fabian were attacked in the training facilities," I said, my heart beating a mile a minute. "They're at St. Mungo's now."

I don't know what I had expected her reaction to be, but it certainly wasn't complacency. Her facial expression barely changed and her eyes didn't stray from mine. In fact, I was convinced she hadn't heard me and was about to repeat myself when she finally uttered, "Oh."

I stared at her, confused. "Oh?"

"Are they…" she trailed off, not being able to finish the word 'okay.'

"No, not really," I muttered, my harshness motivated by her lack of feeling. "I don't know the whole story. Only what Frank told me."

"Oh."

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. "But from what he said, Fabian and Alice are awake and fine for now, but Fabian has to stay a few days for observation. James and Lily are…are being examined by Healers, both still unconscious. Dezzy and Drew should be getting released today. Neither have any substantial injuries."

"Oh."

"Is that all you can say?"

She shot me a withering glare. "I'm processing, Black. Give me a break," she snapped.

I cringed. I knew I was being a tad cruel, but I blame that on my overwhelming worry for my friends. "I'm sorry," I murmured.

She looked at me in surprise.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, you heard me right. I'm sorry. I'm just…I'm worried, I guess," I muttered. "Listen, Remus and Frank already went ahead to St. Mungo's, but I'm heading there now if you want to tag along."

Panic reflected on her face. "No, I have to get to the office."

I must have misheard her. "Er…_what_?"

"Malone is expecting me. In fact, I'm running late. If I don't show up, it will just be another reason for Malone to berate me for being a horrible employee and it will give him a reason to fire me."

"Your boyfriend was just attacked and your roommate is on her deathbed," I said, narrowing my eyes. "And you're going into the office?"

She sighed. "You already said that Fabian was fine. And how is me showing up at the hospital going to help Lily at all?" she muttered, staring down at the floor awkwardly.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "It's not about helping her. It's about supporting your friends who are worried about her and it's being there by her side so that when she wakes up, she'll realize she has-"

"If."

I froze. "What?"

"If she wakes up."

So help me God, if I wasn't a moral guy who didn't believe in hitting women, I would have smacked her right then and there. I knew it was the cold, hard truth of what could happen, but I didn't need her bluntly throwing that in my face. I sure as hell didn't need the reminder that two of my best friends could die. Not from Rouge. "Is…is that supposed to make me feel better about the situation?" I blurted out in a hurt whisper, my face slowly growing white at the possible prospects.

"I'm not trying to make you feel better. I'm just…I'm facing the possible reality of the situation," she muttered defensively, but I saw something in her eyes that bewildered me. It was nostalgia. Not panic or guilt or remorse or regret. Just a wistful longing. Believe me, I knew that emotion all too well. I just didn't know why it was gleaming in her eyes.

"I don't need reality," I retaliated, my tone cold and scathing. Maybe it was foolish of me to ignore the truth, but I couldn't even fathom the concept of them not waking from their comas. "None of us do. You don't think we realize that…that they might not wake up?" My voice cracked, trembling at the thought. I quickly turned away, not wanting Rouge to see my vulnerability at the moment. I didn't need it to be something else she could mock me for. "We're not idiots. But we're staying positive. At least, I am. With all of the turmoil that the wizarding world is going through right now, positivity is the only thing keeping me going."

"Yeah, well, all that turmoil has turned me into an eternal critic. Sorry that not all of us can be as _jovial_ as you, Black, but I choose to live in a world of reality, not fantasy."

I narrowed my eyes at her. I've taken a lot of crap from Rouge, but I wasn't about to let her tell me how to live my life. I had been in a really negative place after Riley left and it took me a long time to get to a point where I not only stopped depressing everyone around me but I stopped depressing myself. While my upbeat attitude and optimism may sometimes come across as fake, it was the only way I could really get up in the morning. If I focused on all of the bad that had happened to me and all of the bad that's happened to those around me, I'd be stuck in one hell of a never-ending depressing bubble. "I'm not living in a fantasy world, Rouge," I snapped. "In fact, I'm the one heading to the hospital _facing the reality of the situation_. If you want to go to work and avoid facing whatever feelings you're so desperate to hide, then you go right ahead. But I'm going to go to St. Mungo's in order to be there for James and Lily. Because that's what friends do. We're _there _for each other during the good times _and_ the bad. But I guess this explains why you don't seem to have any friends of your own."

I hadn't even given her a chance to respond to my rant before pushing past her and apparating to St. Mungo's. But I couldn't believe she was choosing work over supporting her friends.

No, what's sad is I could believe it. But I knew there had to be a reason behind it. She just wasn't so willing to divulge that information to us.

"So she's not coming?" Alice asked after I explained to everyone the gist of what Keegan had told me.

I shook my head. "No. At least, not today."

"She must have had a good reason," Remus pondered.

"Oh yeah?" I snorted. "What reason could there possibly be to choose work over being by your _boyfriend's _bedside?"

Silence followed.

"My guess is that that's exactly what you told her," Remus sighed. "Probably very delicately, too."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't bother reprimanding me. It's not going to do any good."

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but clearly thought better of it and quickly shut his mouth. But that may have been because the Healer who was operating on James had just come up behind me.

We were informed that he was stable and that according to his brain patterns, he should be coming out with a full recovery. They just had to wait for him to wake up in order to complete their assessment. As we all jumped up from our chairs, the Healer warned us that he couldn't allow us all into the room at one time.

Which is how Remus, Kay, Mrs. P, Peter, and I ended up being the ones to sit by James' bedside while Alice and Frank kept Fabian company in his room and Shane continued to wait around in the lobby area for news on Lily.

Kay was talking to Mrs. P about the standard recovery rate for those with similar injuries as James, but I tuned her out and turned to gaze at James. I needed him to wake up. Because I needed _him_. He had been there for me every step of the way. When I was getting over Riley. When I lost job after job. When I wanted to focus my time and energy on being a Quijudge. When I needed him and even when I didn't need him, he was there. My stare never wavered from James as I willed him to wake up.

Which apparently worked because after an hour of sitting beside him, he suddenly stirred.

"James?!" I said frantically, which probably wasn't the best idea. Wouldn't want to frighten him back into a coma.

His eyes slowly opened and I've never breathed such a large sigh of relief before. Kay rushed out of the room to find the Healer-in-Charge, while Maya burst into tears beside me.

"What happened?" James murmured, blinking furiously, probably to get used to the light.

Remus, Peter, and I exchanged a look. "You were attacked," I said softly. "At the Ministry."

He nodded slowly before a look of realization passed over him. He sat upright, gasping. "How's Lily?" he cried. He clearly remembered what had happened.

No one spoke. What could we say?

James met my eyes. "Sirius, just tell me," he said, his voice hoarse.

"She's alive," I reassured. "But…still being examined."

"Examined?" he muttered, swallowing hard. "But…but she'll be okay?"

I didn't respond. I didn't know how to.

"She should be," Kay's voice spoke from behind us. She walked in with Galvin Fado, the Healer-in-Charge in ward 47. "She's out of the observation room and is being levitated to the room next door as we speak."

"Can I see her?" James demanded.

Kay gave him a look as Galvin chuckled. "How about we focus on you first?" he said.

"I'm clearly fine," he responded, agitated as Galvin attempted to glance over the bruises on the back of his head. "I'm breathing, aren't I?"

"James, just let me examine you," he said insistently.

He scowled. "Is she awake?" he asked.

"Not yet."

"Will she wake?"

Galvin hesitated and I'm certain I could hear every single person's heart beating out of their chests in that moment. "She should. But…but we don't know."

"I don't like the word 'should.' I want to hear _'will_,'" James argued.

Galvin sighed. "Listen, you can visit Lily when I'm done observing you. So if I were you, I'd stop talking and start complying."

James pouted and crossed his arms, but remained silent.

Mrs. P, after much urging from James, left to go tell Dezzy and Drew that James was awake. And thankfully, Kay could tell that the four of us should be left alone to breathe our sighs of relief together, and went to inform everyone else that James was going to be okay. The Healer trainee, some young cute girl whose name I've already forgotten, popped her head in to let us know that Lily just arrived in the room next door. Galvin said he wanted to just run some routine tests before letting us visit her bedside, so after he walked out, it was just the four Marauders. Except we were anything but our usual happy-go-lucky selves.

"How are you feeling, James?" Remus asked, breaking the silence.

"It's not me I'm worried about," he murmured, glancing at the thin wall separating himself from Lily.

"She'll be okay," Peter urged.

"You don't know that," he retaliated, shaking his head. "We…we can never know that."

I had a feeling he wasn't just talking about Lily. "She's not Brite. She's not Jaron. She's not even Wyatt," I said firmly. "She has the chance to fight for her life. You'll get her back. Stay hopeful, James. Don't go all negative on us now."

"How can I not?" he sighed, not perturbed by my mentioning of his family. "I've already lost so much. Lily is next."

"Stop," I said, my voice shaking. I hated seeing James so depressed and brokenhearted. It was hard to see him looking so down when I thought back to a mere four years earlier when he was the most upbeat guy I knew. Four years could really change a guy. "Stop thinking like that. You need-"

"No, I'm not saying that to be negative," he murmured, shaking his head. "It's true. Bellatrix made that clear."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, confused.

"They weren't after me and they weren't after Fabian. They wanted Lily. And they wanted her dead. Bellatrix said that she needed me alive and that they were only there for the girl. And considering Lily was the only girl in the room at the time, I'm ninety-nine percent sure they were referring to her."

Even during his most depressing times, he still knew how to be cynically sarcastic. "Are you sure?" I said slowly. That didn't seem right. Correction, that didn't seem fair.

James nodded. "Granted, I had a bump on the back of my head the size of a giant's head, but I know what I heard. I know what I saw."

"Why her?" Peter murmured.

No one responded. But we all knew it was a rhetorical question.

When I eventually traipsed into my apartment early the next morning, I couldn't help but wonder if this is how our lives were going to be from now on. Will we always have to be on our toes? Will we always have to keep one eye open at night? Will we always have to look over our shoulder to make sure we weren't being followed? Will we have to not only fight for our own lives but for the lives of our friends? I tried coming up with a good reason as to why Voldemort would be after Lily, but every thought seemed more unlikely than the next. She had no ties to Voldemort or his past. And how did Bellatrix and Rodolphus know to find Lily in the Auror training facilities? It all seemed so suspect. And it all frightened the hell out of me.

Maybe Keegan had been right. Maybe negativity was the way to go. Because staying positive certainly wasn't getting me anywhere.

* * *

**A/N: **Lots going on in this chapter! But at least we've found out that Dezzy and Drew are in fact alive. So yay! Not so yay for Lily who is still unconscious. And what is up with Sydny and Keegan? What are they hiding?

Coming up in next chapter: Some answers are revealed, some questions remained unanswered, and who's that at the door?


	12. Of Dumbledore, Hairdos, & Sage

**A/N: **Thank you all for your reviews! I know that it seems like I'm just showing you the tragedies and heartbreak and keeping the romance and happiness to a minimum. And to be honest, I am. They're all going to have to deal with a lot of unfortunate situations before any of them will be able to find their happy ending. That's why I inevitably changed this story's title to **Goodbyes on the Balcony** and saved **Love on the Balcony **for the final story in this four-part series. Yep, you heard me. FOUR-part series! I know you are all itching to get a glimpse of Riley but I'm going to tell you know, you will have to be patient for at least another ten chapters or so. When she comes back, she'll be a huge part of the story. But for now, I'm focusing on the other characters and everything that's going on around them. And when we all least expect it, that's when Riley will enter the picture. For now, I just hope you enjoy the characters that are present because I love them all!

**Disclaimer: **I am not J.K. Rowling. However, I have decided to go back and read the HP series and have fallen in love with her all over agian. But loving her doesn't mean I created any of these characters sadly...

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 12: Of Dumbledore, Hairdos, & Sage

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I ignored the pounding in my head as I slipped into the hospital room beside me. I froze in the doorway as I glanced over at the girl I was head-over-heels in love with. She looked so helpless and lifeless. It broke my heart. I felt my bottom lip tremble and I had to blink away the onset of tears prickling my eyes. She didn't deserve to be here. For what? For finding me in the training facilities to let me know I could visit St. Mungo's? Needless to say, this wasn't the way I wanted us to be visiting St. Mungo's.

I slowly made my way over to her bedside, my heart beating a mile a minute. I know that Galvin said she should wake up, and I was trying my damndest to be hopeful, but panic and fear filled my mind. Why was Bellatrix so determined to kill Lily? Why did she push me away? Why did she yell at Rodolphus to leave me alone? What was her angle? I couldn't figure it out. And that was what scared me. Because I had a pretty good feeling that they weren't done going after Lily. But I sure as hell wasn't going to let them go after her.

Problem was, I had no idea how to protect her.

"James?"

I turned around, shocked to hear Dumbledore's voice. "Professor Dumbledore," I greeted. "What are you doing here?"

He ignored the question, nodding towards Lily. "How is she?"

I frowned. "Well, she's unconscious and the Healers don't know when she'll wake up. So I'm thinking not so well." After the words were out of my mouth, I cringed. I needed to stop using cynical jokes as a defense mechanism.

He didn't bat an eye at my brutal honesty. "And you? How are you?"

I shrugged, running my hands over the bandage on the back of my head. I had a feeling he wasn't asking about my cuts and bruises. "We were ambushed today and my girlfriend still hasn't woken up," I said, my voice cracking as I sank into the chair beside her bed. "So as you can probably imagine, I'm not doing so hot."

"She's a fighter, James. She'll pull through. And Galvin Fado seems to think she will also."

If only I could be as confident. "I hope so," I murmured, as my eyes migrated towards her delicate self, desperation coursing through my veins. I knew that it wasn't my fault Lily was lying in that bed, but I couldn't help but blame myself. She was in those training facilities because it was my sister that had gotten attacked. Why was Voldemort so determined to destroy the lives of those I loved?

Little did I know, Dumbledore had the answer.

"They didn't want me, Albus," I murmured, reaching for Lily's hand instinctively. "They kept telling me to get out of the way and I wouldn't get hurt. They…they said they needed to keep me alive or something. That it was Lily they were after. I just don't know why."

Silence followed before I heard Dumbledore shuffle over my way. "James," he said softly.

I glanced over my shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I think it's time you know something."

My heart skipped a beat. This didn't sound promising. I sighed. "What now?" I murmured.

Dumbledore placed his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. Which just made me cringe. Because the only time he placed his hand on my shoulder, rueful words often followed. "It's you they've set their sights on."

I froze. "What?"

He let out a deep, regretful sigh. "Voldemort is hoping to isolate you by eliminating those around you. Your friends, your family, your loved ones. He's going after everyone in your life to get to you."

I was more confused than ever. "What are you talking about? Why does he want to get to _me_? Why…why would he want to isolate me?"

He hesitated. "You've been receiving letters from a Tom since Hogwarts, am I right?"

My heart skipped a beat. I wasn't surprised that he knew that. He always seemed to know everything. "Yeah," I murmured. "Asking me to join the Dark Side. As if that will happen."

Dumbledore lifted his hand off my shoulder and came around to face me, a grim frown on his face. "It's my belief that Voldemort is convinced if he can just execute all of the people around you, you'll have nothing to live for. You'll have no reason to fight for good anymore. So he's going after everyone around you until you're left completely alone."

Anger coursed through my veins. "Is he really that daft?" I barked. "As if he kills everyone around me, I will go ahead and actually _join _the one guy who has ordered all of the hits? That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard!"

The frown didn't waver on Dumbledore's face. "I'm assuming he doesn't think it will get that far."

More confusion. "What do you mean?"

His eyes wandered over to Lily. He didn't respond immediately. "I think he's hoping that you'll join the Dark Side before it ever comes to that point."

"What do you mean?"

He turned back to look at me, meeting my gaze. Regret glimmered in his eyes. "He knows you'd do anything to protect those around you," he continued. "He knows you'd want to do whatever it takes to save the people you love."

I felt my heart constrict within my chest as I realized precisely what Dumbledore was saying. "Brite? Jaron? Dezzy and Drew? Lily? Fabian and Alice? All…all because of me?" My voice trembled. "All because Voldemort wants me."

"No," he was quick to argue. "Not just you. All Potters."

I really didn't understand. "What?"

"He's gone after each of you at different times. It just appears to be your turn."

"But he didn't isolate Brite or Jaron. He killed them. And he nearly killed Dezzy."

"Nearly," he reminded me. "But his intention was to just kidnap her. Something he had also done with Jaron."

"Where are you going with this?" I sighed, more confused than ever.

"You're not the only one receiving those letters from Tom requesting your presence in his army."

I'm pretty sure my heart froze. "He's…he's been in contact with my brothers and sister?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes."

So we were all pretty much going to die by the hands of Voldemort. That's a comforting thought. "Why go after Lily and not me directly like he did with the rest of my family?"

He didn't reply immediately, frowning uncertainly. "I think he realized that going after your family directly wasn't working in his favor so he's taking a different approach with you."

"Lucky for me," I whispered, my bottom lip trembling uncontrollably. Anger and frustration and panic and pain and angst filled every inch of my body as my thoughts reflected on Brite and then Jaron, next Dezzy and Drew, and finally they rested on the beautiful redhead lying in the bed to my side. "I wish he would just go after me. I could handle dying to save the ones I love. I can't handle him going after everyone else, Albus. I just can't."

He frowned, guilt resting in his eyes. "You're a good person, James. I'm sorry that this is all happening to you."

I felt another prickle of tears in my eyes and I hastily swiped them away as my eyes were drawn to Lily, who looked so helpless and vulnerable. "He won't stop until she's dead, will he?"

Dumbledore didn't respond. But I already knew the answer.

All this time I've been blaming myself for the deaths that have been occurring and as it turns out, I had every right to blame myself. I don't know why Voldemort wanted me or my family in particular, but I had a feeling the next few years would be short-lived for all of us. For Dezzy, for my mother, for Grant. For Frank and Alice, for Sirius and Remus and Peter, for Kay. For Drew, for Lance, even Keegan and Lafevre. And especially for Lily. For all the people I interacted with. For the people I saw every day. For the people I loved and cared about. Who was going to suffer next?

"Maybe I would be better off joining Voldemort. Maybe that would put everyone else out of danger."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

Dumbledore shook his head immediately. "What have you been fighting for these past three years, James?"

I didn't answer. We both knew the answer was justice.

"Don't give in," he said eagerly, shaking his head. "That's what he wants. And the moment we start giving in to what Voldemort wants is the day the wizarding world is doomed for eternity."

"It already is doomed," I muttered.

He placed his hand on my shoulder, a soft look in his eyes. "You keep fighting for what you believe in, James. Let me handle Voldemort."

Something in his words told me he knew more than he was telling me, but I really didn't want to hear it. I had already heard enough for one day. Finding out that you're the cause of so much suffering often put a damper on one's mood.

"Stay positive, James," Dumbledore pleaded, letting his hand linger momentarily on my shoulder before dropping it to his side. "It's the only way you'll be able to move forward."

_But what if Lily doesn't get that same chance_? I wanted to say it aloud, but I held my tongue. I honestly just wanted Dumbledore to leave so I could really digest his words. Without his scrutinizing look and sympathetic smile.

He nodded a simple good-bye and headed towards the door.

"Why me?" my voice cracked.

He hesitated, turning around slowly.

"Why is Voldemort after _me_? What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Dumbledore frowned. "I don't know," he said hesitantly. It was the first time I ever believed he was lying to me. "But you're one hell of a wizard. And an Auror. You're getting stronger and more determined every day. And he wants that strength and determination on his side."

I hesitated before saying, "Well, he's not going to get it." And I meant it. I think.

A slow smile crept onto Dumbledore's face. "Good," he said. "Just like Miss Evans, you're one hell of a fighter. We need you on our side."

I merely nodded. I had nothing left to say. Because truth was, I was going to try my damndest to fight against the bastard who was determined to ruin my life. But I wondered if it was going to be enough.

Dumbledore left and I'm sure he said a few last-minute words, but I barely acknowledged them. I could only focus on Lily.

I climbed off the chair and perched on the edge of her bed, reaching for her hand. I held it up to my cheek, trying to desperately ignore the tears that were welling up inside of me. I refused to cry. I refused to give what Voldemort wanted: weakness.

I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she was better off not waking up. Because the moment she opened her eyes was the moment her life would be thrown into utter turmoil. Voldemort would go after her every chance he got and wouldn't stop until she took her last breath. She would be fighting for her life every day. And who was I to wish that upon anyone?

Yet, the selfish part of me, of my heart, was desperately yearning for her to wake up. She didn't deserve to die so young, so unexpectedly. She didn't deserve to die because of me. I loved her too much for these to be her last moments on earth. I needed her in my life.

"Please wake up," I said helplessly, my voice trembling with fear. "You deserve to live your life to the fullest, Lils. You shouldn't be here right now. I-I should be the one on the brink of death, not you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I could feel myself choke up, the words barely audible on my tongue. "I not only love you, but I need you. So much. You're my everything. And if you wake up, I promise I will do whatever I have to do to protect you. To keep you safe. Alive. Whatever it takes, I will do it. That's a promise." I wasn't shocked when I felt a tear slip down my face. While I never cried, I couldn't help the tears when it came to the idea that Lily might not wake up.

I heard soft footsteps behind me and I quickly brushed away the single tear, swallowing hard.

"James?" Kay spoke.

I took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly before answering. "Yeah?"

"Visiting hours are coming to a close, and-"

A rush of hot anger boiled inside of me. I whirled around. "I'm not going anywhere, Kay," I scoffed. "She doesn't have anyone else but me and I'll be damned if I'm going to let her be alone for a single second."

"James-"

"I promised her I'd protect her," I said, my voice cracking. I had to swallow the desperation out of my voice. "And I'm not going to break that promise. Not now, not ever."

"I know that, James," Kay said anxiously. "I was just going to say that we're all heading out of here for the night but will be back tomorrow morning. And you're technically still a patient, so-"

"I'm not going back to my own room," I insisted irritably. "I'm staying right here. I won't-"

"Will you let me finish a sentence?" she asked, shooting me a look.

I cringed, remaining silent.

"I was going to say that I told Galvin to put your bed in here overnight."

I hesitated guiltily. "Oh."

She slowly walked over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder very much in the same way that Dumbledore just had. "I never would have told you that you had to leave."

Well, I felt like a jerk. "Oh."

"You're her family," she muttered. "She wouldn't want anyone else but you here."

I nodded, a lump forming in my throat. "I just hope it helps."

She didn't respond and I was grateful for it. I didn't need reassurance or comfort or hope. I just needed to be left alone.

"Good night, James," she said softly even though it was nearly two o'clock in the morning. I glanced behind her as my bed was levitated into the room. "Try and get some sleep."

I snorted. Fat chance of that happening. In fact, I doubted if I'd be able to get some sleep ever again. Not knowing that every single person in my life was possibly on the verge of death.

Except, ironically, me.

I didn't bother using the bed that was put in the room for me. I crawled into bed beside Lily, drawing her warm body close to mine. My lips buried into her hair as I lay down next to her, tightening my grip around her shoulders. I couldn't help but wonder what the hell was in store for her next. And what I could possibly do to make sure she remained safe.

As I stared down at her, she looked so peaceful and yet vulnerable. I thought of her waking up. I thought of the next couple of days where I would never leave her side. I thought of never letting her out of my sight for the rest of our lives. I thought of Voldemort watching her every move and praying that I could just always be one step ahead of him. I thought of the future. A future I needed to spend with Lily.

As I eventually started to slowly drift off, I felt her stir beside me. I was immediately alert. "Lily?"

She blinked a few times before gazing over at me, a relieved smile slowly creeping on to her face. "James," she whispered, glancing briefly towards the bandage on my head. She reached up and ran her fingers over it lightly. "Are you okay?"

I reached for her hand, and let my lips linger gratefully against her forehead. "I am now."

* * *

**++LILY++**

How could it be that in one moment, everything looked like it might be alright and in the next, we were staring down two known Death Eaters? When I first opened my eyes after what felt like years of blackness, I couldn't remember a time I felt more relieved than when I saw James lying there beside me. My head was throbbing, there were shooting pains going up and down one of my legs, I felt a large bruise on my back, and I could see that my arms were all scratched up. I probably looked like a hot mess. But I didn't care. I didn't care that I was in pain. I didn't care that we probably should have called the Healers to examine me now that I was awake. I didn't care that I had nearly died. I just cared about James.

"You're really okay?" I whispered, running my fingers along his hairline slowly as if I didn't truly believe he was lying there beside me.

He chuckled, pressing his lips against a small cut on my cheek. "I can't believe you're asking me that when you're the one who just woke up from a coma."

My smile wavered. "How long was I out for?"

He glanced over at the clock hanging over the door. "Er...ten hours?"

My heart nearly stopped. "Ten hours?" I croaked out. It wasn't often that someone in a ten-hour coma came out of it.

He nodded. "But you're awake now," he reassured in a whisper. "You're okay. And thank Merlin. I don't know what I would have done if…if…"

"There's no if, James," I whispered, reaching for his hand and kissing the back of it. "I'm fine. Don't go making up possible scenarios in your head. You'll just work yourself up."

He could only nod, the worry still evident in his eyes.

There wasn't much else to say, so I nuzzled up beside him, resting my head comfortingly on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm tighter around my body and drew me close to his side, intertwining his legs with mine. I suddenly never felt closer to him. We were both covered in cuts and bruises, our heads throbbing and our every limb aching in painful memory of what had earlier occurred, but the pain slowly dissipated as we just became thankful that we were both there together. As the night slowly faded away, I couldn't help but whisper, "Remember that weekend getaway you wanted us to take last weekend?"

He glanced at me curiously. "Yeah."

"This wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

First, shocked silence ensued. Quickly followed by a burst of laughter. I couldn't help but join in and suddenly amused tears were filling our eyes as the laughter failed to die down. Eventually, he leaned over and kissed my temple. "That really shouldn't be funny."

I smiled guiltily. "Yeah, I know."

His smile slowly faded as he rested his cheek atop my hair. "I'm sorry that this is what our lives have turned into. Funerals, ambushes, and hospital stays."

"Why are you so sorry? This has nothing to do with you, James," I pointed out, glancing up at him. "This is Voldemort's doing."

He didn't respond but I sensed hesitance. I quickly continued. "We're in the middle of a war. Not only that, we're actively fighting in it. Fighting against Voldemort. We knew this was the risk of joining the Order. But when Voldemort is destroyed for good, it will be worth it."

"Not if we get ourselves killed before then," he blurted out.

I frowned. "Don't go questioning your life now, James. You know that we're doing the right thing."

He didn't respond, turning his gaze away from me. "I just don't want to ever be that close to losing you again," he whispered.

The love was evident in the concern found in his voice. And it nearly broke my heart. "You'll always have me, James," I whispered, resting my head against his shoulder as my eyes began to droop. "Always."

"You promise?"

I smiled reassuringly and nodded. "I promise, James, that I'm not going anywhere."

He didn't respond immediately but when he did, I was surprised to hear anger in his voice. "I'm going to help make sure that comes true, Lils."

I wasn't sure what to say to that so I merely went with my go-to. "I love you, James."

"I love you, too."

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

I don't know what compelled me to go to St. Mungo's, but that's where I found myself on Sunday morning. Alastor and I spent practically all night talking about what had happened. Both with Dezzy and Drew and then what happened later with Fabian, James, Alice, and especially Lily. I couldn't help but blame myself slightly. If I hadn't shown up in Brazil to save Dezzy and Drew, Rodolphus and Bellatrix never would have followed me back to the Ministry.

I was shocked when Regulus Black had shown up on my doorstep. I was more shocked when he told me that Bellatrix and Rodolphus were en route to Brazil to kidnap Dezzy and Drew. I immediately ran out of my flat and apparated to the Brazilian coast in a matter of seconds. And thankfully, I showed up just in the nick of time. I wished I had had more time to do more than just stun Rodolphus and Bellatrix. If I had had the backup to capture them or the ability to seriously injure them, I would have. But Drew was lying unconscious and Dezzy was being double-teamed when I arrived and I only had a few seconds to grab them and apparate to the South American Ministry where we then flooed to St. Mungo's. I only stayed there for a few minutes before apparating back to the British Ministry to clue Moody in on what happened. It was when I ran into Fabian and Alice that I knew somehow our Auror Department had been alerted.

And that's when shit hit the fan.

I shouldn't have been surprised that everyone would suspect me of working for the Dark Side. Why shouldn't they? A known Death Eater sought me out. _Me_. Of course it sounded suspicious. I just prayed that my cover hadn't been completely blown. I don't know how much James knew but the less he knew the better. I just wondered if Dumbledore had gone to see him yesterday like he told Alastor he would. Alastor was against it, I was too, but Dumbledore knew James better than the both of us. So I wouldn't be surprised if he talked to James anyway.

After some major stealthy attempts at avoiding the _Daily Prophet _reporters camping out all over the hospital, I found myself pausing in the doorway outside James and Lily's room. She was asleep, but seeing as it was barely seven o'clock in the morning, I wasn't surprised. He sat in the chair by her bed just staring at her. I saw longing in his eyes. But deeper down, I saw fear.

I knocked.

James glanced behind his shoulder and shock registered on his face. "What are you doing here?"

His voice was cold. Hurt, even. "I heard about what happened to you. And Lily and Fabian and Alice. This may shock you, but I actually have feelings, y'know."

"That does shock me."

I sighed. This was clearly a bad idea. "I just came to see that you were alright. You obviously are, so I guess I'll be going."

"Why do you care if I'm alright?"

My fists clenched. "You really think I _wouldn't _care?" I asked, slightly offended. "Just because we butt heads doesn't mean I wish that that attack really injured you."

"No," he said, shaking his head slowly. "I'm actually asking _why_."

I had no idea what he was referring to. "What?"

"Do you care because, dare I believe it, you actually _care _about me? Or do you care because you're supposed to be protecting me and those around me? And if I died, your assignment would have obviously failed?"

His biting sarcasm was always incredibly annoying. "I'm sorry if that's the way you feel about me, James," I said softly.

"Do you blame me, Lafevre?" he murmured softly. "After working together for three weeks, you suddenly spring on me that you were sent to our department to protect me. So I'm sorry if I'm being a tad discourteous, but what the hell do you expect from me?" He cringed, glancing towards his sleeping girlfriend, probably worried he would wake her from her slumber. He stood up from the chair and walked over to me. "You should just give up now, Lafevre. You're not going to be able to protect me. No one can."

Hm, I had a good feeling that Dumbledore had indeed stopped by the night before. "I thought you were better off not knowing the real reason I was here."

He looked at me. Really looked at me, his eyes narrowing with curiosity and wonder. "Who sent you here?"

"No one. I came here on my own volition."

He shook his head irritably. "No, I don't mean to the hospital. I mean to England. To our Auror Department. Who the hell sent you here?"

I hesitated, wanting so desperately to tell him everything. To start in the beginning, nine years ago. But it was better for him not to know. He deserved to live his life without constantly looking over his shoulder in endless worry. Believe me, I would know. "Don't ask questions," I interrupted, shaking my head desperately. I met his worried gaze and begged, "Please."

His face turned resentful. "I'm tired of the secrets."

"I am, too," I blurted out, regretting it immediately. Showing any sort of weakness was dangerous.

"Then talk to me," he pleaded, desperation seeping from his words.

We locked eyes for a brief moment before I turned away, my gaze falling on a slumbering Lily.

He glared at me before turning his back to me, wandering back to Lily's side. "Fine. I'll see you at work tomorrow," he said dismissively.

"You're going to be in the office tomorrow?" I asked, surprised.

"I'm being released today. So yeah, I'll be in the office tomorrow. Only for a short time if I can help it. But there's a lot that needs to be discussed," he murmured, glancing only briefly at me.

"I know," I agreed. I hesitated. "Why for only a short time?"

A look of, dare I even suggest it, vulnerability sparkled in his eyes. "It looks like Lily and Fabian will be staying for at least another day. The swelling and bruising isn't progressing the way the Healers would like it to be."

I cringed. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"They'll be fine," he said rather hastily. I wondered if he was more just trying to convince himself of that. "Look, if you didn't come here to give me any more information, then I suggest you go."

I sighed, nodding slowly. "Fine," I murmured, slowly turning around. I grabbed the hood of my sweatshirt and threw it over my head.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to avoid the press on my way out."

"Press?"

I glanced over my shoulder. "Reporters from the _Daily Prophet _are camping out in the lobby area."

"Great," he muttered, shaking his head. Before I could stroll out, he grabbed my arm. "Is Keegan Rouge out there?"

I gazed at him, confused. "Er…no." Everyone knew who Keegan Rouge was. She was the only female _Daily Prophet _reporter to show her face.

"Hm," he murmured, sighing. "Okay."

Hm was right. I had no idea what that was about, but I didn't question it. "See you tomorrow," I dismissed before heading out the door and down the corridor.

"Lafevre!"

I was about to turn the corner when I heard him call after me. I glanced behind me. "What?"

He frowned and with a brief look back towards Lily, hesitantly started walking towards me.

"What?" I repeated when he was standing right in front of me.

He swallowed hard. "Thank you," he said softly.

I froze. I couldn't have heard him right. "What?"

"Thank you," he repeated more firmly, a shrug quickly following. He offered me a lopsided smile before heading back towards Lily's room.

"For what?" I called out.

He shrugged again, glancing over his shoulder at me. "What else? For saving my sister." He then disappeared.

I found myself smiling. If James was thanking me then perhaps things would be okay for us. I just prayed I could help James. I didn't want him to go through what I inevitably went through nine years ago. He deserved better.

* * *

**++LILY++**

"Stop fussing over me!" I whined, ducking as James attempted to get a better look at the bruise over my eye. "I'll be fine!"

He frowned, glancing back towards Kay and Lance. "Maybe I shouldn't go tonight."

"You're going," I said firmly. "I have Fabian to keep me company."

"Hell yeah!" he said, sitting cross-legged on what had been James' bed. When Galvin told us both that we needed to stay another day so that they can continue to monitor the swelling and the bruising, Fabian insisted on taking over James' bed. Neither one of us dealt with quiet too well so I was more than pleased to have him join me. "We're going to start with a wizarding chess marathon, where naturally I will come out on top, quickly followed by a few rounds of Exploding Snaps, and we'll probably end the night filling out a few of those girly quizzes in _Witch Weekly _that Kay thought would entertain us."

"Actually, I thought they would entertain Lily," she chimed in, shaking her head in disbelief. "I'm a little frightened that you've seemed to take a liking to them more than she has."

"When one is stuck in this lame bed for 48 hours, what do you expect?" he pouted.

"Hey, I'd much rather play wizarding chess and Exploding Snaps for three hours than go to this Auror banquet," Lance muttered. "In fact, I'd even take the girly quizzes."

Kay elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "It's your mother that's being honored, Lance. You could look a little more excited."

"I'm in dress robes. Excitement and dress robes don't mix in my world."

Kay rolled her eyes. "If you could get married in sweatpants, I think you would."

His eyes lit up but before he could respond, Kay slapped her hand over his mouth. "I wouldn't comment if I were you."

He grinned sheepishly, grabbing her hand and kissing her fingertips. "To be fair, no one is going to be looking at me on our wedding day with such a beautiful girl by my side."

Kay's ears turned a light shade of pink while the rest of us pretended to gag. "Good save," Fabian snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Now will you three just get out of here?" I interjected, shaking my head. "You're going to be late."

"Plus, we don't want to watch Kay and Lance get all mushy on us," Fabian added with a playful wink.

"Too late," Lance joked, wrapping his arms around Kay's shoulders from behind and kissing the top of her head.

I pointed to the door. "Out!"

He chuckled and steered Kay towards the door without bothering to respond.

"Maybe I shouldn't go tonight," James said (for what was probably the 8th time at least), gazing at me cautiously. "I'd rather stay here."

"Moody would have your head if you didn't show," Fabian reminded him.

He shrugged. "I can pull the 'I just got attacked and so did my girlfriend' card."

"Damn, I wish that excuse could get me out of tonight," Lance muttered from the doorway.

I shot him a look, only slightly amused. "If you'd like, I can attack you right now. Which would you prefer? Cruciatus Curse or Petrificus Totalus?"

He hesitated, offering me a sheepish lopsided smile. "Then again, this banquet can't be too bad."

I chuckled. "That's what I thought," I said, turning back towards James. "James, if you don't go, that is just going to give the _Daily Prophet _more reason to speculate about us."

He frowned, reminded of the article that had hit the papers the day before. It over-exaggerated the attacks to the point of ludicrous. According to Wesley Grapps (one of the sleaziest _Daily Prophet _writers), I was still wavering between life and death and James had to give me a kidney to support my health. Alice was apparently in critical condition and Dezzy and Drew had been bombarded by at least fifteen Death Eaters. Oh, yeah, and Fabian wasn't even mentioned.

James made a face. "Let them speculate. I don't care."

"James, you're going," I said firmly. "Lance, grab hold of him and drag him to the Ministry if you have to. I give you permission to use excessive force if necessary."

Lance grinned, slowly walking towards him. "Well, if the lady says so."

"You put your hands on me, I will snap your arm in half," James responded with a teasing grin.

Lance hesitated, creeping back towards the doorway. "Sorry, Lily, you're on your own."

"Gee, what big help you are," I retaliated, rolling my eyes. I reached for James' hand, giving him my best sympathetic, compassionate look. Which I'm pretty damned good at if I say so myself. "James, I appreciate your concern. Your overwhelming concern," I added with a smile. "But I don't need a babysitter. You went to work for three hours today and look at me, I'm still fine! I'm being released tomorrow morning and I doubt they'd release me if they didn't think I was 100% okay."

"Yes, tomorrow morning you'll be 100% okay. But what about tonight? What if-"

"You are paranoid," I interrupted, shaking my head in disbelief. "It was cute this morning. It was cute yesterday. Now I'm annoyed."

"I still think it's cute," Fabian said in all sincerity.

We all glanced over at him, myself cringing inwardly. Here I was complaining about the excess concern while Keegan has been MIA. I tried to lighten the situation a bit. "James, if you want to stay, go right ahead. But Fabian and I _will _be quizzing ourselves on which hairdo goes best with our facial features in the latest _Witch Weekly_. Personally, I think you'd have more fun at the banquet."

He hesitated. "I don't know. I was wondering that same question just this morning." The ends of his mouth tugged upward as he jokingly ran his fingers through his hair.

I couldn't help but laugh, gesturing for him to lean over so I could kiss him. "Go. Have fun. And bring me back one of those amazing cannolis they always provide at these events."

He chuckled and squeezed my hand. "Oh, fine," he said, surrendering. He glanced towards Fabian. "You take care of her, y'hear? Make sure she drinks plenty of water and that she eats-"

"I don't need taking care of!" I groaned.

James shot me a look. "Humor me."

I sighed. "You're a pain in my arse, Potter." But there was a smile creeping on my lips.

"Do I have permission to use excessive force if it comes to that?" Fabian joked.

I glared at him. "You want to be wheeled back into your own room?"

He grinned sheepishly, slumping down on the bed. "Then again, you can probably take care of yourself."

"Damn straight," I teased. I glanced back towards my boyfriend. "And now you're officially late. Get out of here before I call security."

He sighed and gave me on last kiss before reluctantly letting go of my hand. "Oh, fine. But try not to get into too much trouble tonight."

I quirked an amused eyebrow. "I'm not the one forced to spend my off time around Sydny." Although James has pretty much refused to tell me what had happened to Dezzy and Drew (I don't think he wanted to worry me), from bits and pieces of ranting, I understood that somehow Sydny had shown up to save the day just in the nick of time. A little _too _convenient if you ask me. But no one was asking me, so I kept my mouth shut. My guess is that I'm not the only one who thought it was suspicious.

He made a face. "Don't remind me. Seeing as she and I are one of the few showing up alone tonight—thank you for that, by the way—I've been told that I will be sitting at her table. Which means I will be drunk within a half hour."

"Oh, gee, how selfish of me to get attacked right before an Auror banquet," I responded sardonically, flashing him a smile. At least he was joking about it. That was a start.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you planned it," he joked, brushing a strand of hair from my eyes and kissing my forehead.

I rolled my eyes, swatting him away. "Seriously, _get out of here_."

"Well, I feel unloved," he said huffily, strolling towards the door. "I'll be back tonight. When the banquet ends."

"Not if you're plastered you're not," I said with a grin.

He chuckled and blew me a kiss (which naturally received a round of groans) before whisking out of the room with Lance and Kay. I couldn't help but smile. It was times like these that I remembered why I loved James so much. He had been so attentive these past few days, probably a little bit too much, and his concern was overwhelming. I sometimes wondered if there was something he wasn't telling me about what had happened on Saturday, but I didn't push it. I saw a fearful glint in his eyes and when he thought I wasn't looking, a wistful frown appeared on his face filled with anxiety. Not that this was terribly unusual. It was the same reaction I saw after Jaron had died. The same expression on his face now was on his face when he found out about Brite. He quietly brooded very much in the way he did when his father left. When Riley left. He acted the same way when another Auror had disappeared or had been killed. This near-death experience (okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration) made me realize that worrying about the future, in particular my future with James, was futile. Because who even knows how long that future will be? All that matters is the present. And presently, I'm madly in love with James. And that was enough for me for now.

Granted, it helped that I would be moving in with him tomorrow evening. Even better, I wasn't supposed to be doing too much strenuous activity while I recovered which meant Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lance will be forced to help while I simply directed. For a price of pizza and beer of course.

"I do think it's cute," Fabian said, breaking me from my intricate thoughts.

I glanced over at him. "Hm?"

"That James is so concerned about you," he said with a casual shrug.

I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Keegan can't blame her absence on work," he murmured, shaking his head. "Because about half of the _Daily Prophet _is camped outside in the lobby area still waiting to catch one of us for an exclusive interview. And yet, she's not one of them."

"She wouldn't use her status as your girlfriend to boost her career," I pointed out. "She wouldn't come in here just to interview you."

"She hasn't come in at all," he snorted, bitterness spewing from his words.

I was slightly hurt by that as well. Not that I expected people to fawn over me nearly as much as James has, but Keegan was my roommate for seven months. And on top of that she's Fabian's girlfriend, and yet she has been nonexistent from St. Mungo's over the past couple of days. The two people who were in St. Mungo's the longest she just so happened to have direct ties to and yet, she couldn't be bothered to show her support or concern. "Fabian, I-"

"I just wish she wasn't so damned secretive," he muttered, clearly not wanting any words of comfort. He looked like he'd much rather seethe. "It's like I barely know her."

"None of us do," I pointed out with a shrug.

"She's been in our lives for seven months," he continued, crinkling his eyebrows pensively. "And I don't know a single thing about her past except that she attended Beauxbatons and before she moved in with you, she was living with some boyfriend. That's it. That's all I know. I don't know why she moved to London. I don't know anything about her family. I don't know why she doesn't seem to have any friends from the past. I don't know where she worked before the _Daily Prophet_. I don't even know why she wanted to become a journalist. I know nothing. Except that she has a sassy personality, tequila is her shot of choice, and she really likes it when I run my lips up her-"

"I don't need to know that!" I interrupted with a teasing grin.

"_Back_," he finished with a chuckle. Well, at least he was smiling. "Why, what did you think I was going to say?"

I shot him a look.

Disappointment clouded his eyes again. "Why are relationships so difficult?"

"Because they take work," I said almost immediately, shrugging. "And some people don't want to put in the effort. They're too scared and they lack hope and determination. They…they don't want to deal with the possibility of getting hurt."

"Do you think that's what Keegan is afraid of?" he murmured. "Getting hurt?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I think it's what most people are afraid of."

He hesitated. "Are you?"

I was taken aback by the question. Not because he had asked it, but because I knew I was. Moving in with James was a huge step and although, I was looking forward to spending more time with him, I couldn't help but wonder how things were going to change. "Aren't you?" I deflected.

He frowned, his eyes subconsciously pulling towards the window in a curious manner. He didn't respond and I didn't offer any other words. We both took the silence to ponder our relationships. I don't know what Fabian was thinking, but I recognized the look on his face. It was defeat. I had a good feeling that the moment he got released from St. Mungo's, Keegan would be hearing an earful.

"C'mon, let's play a fun game of wizarding chess," he murmured.

I glanced over at him. "But you always win," I whined, trying to ease the tension with a bit of humor.

"That's why it's fun!"

I sighed. "Oh, fine, but then can I quiz you on the hairdo that best works with your bone structure?"

He chuckled. "Absolutely."

* * *

**++FABIAN++**

I had been at Potter Manor doing what I could to help move Lily in. My back was still sore and I still had bruises all over my body so I almost felt like I was hindering the move than anything. But after what happened over the weekend, I've learned that life is unpredictable. And I was going to spend as much time with my friends and family as possible before life once again hands me another bout of unpredictability.

Not to my surprise, Keegan wasn't at Potter Manor. I knew then she was avoiding me. And that was probably wise because I was irritated. I tried being understanding, but as soon as I got outside Keegan's door, compassion disappeared and anger replaced it. I couldn't help it. She didn't even try to reach out to me when I was in the hospital. What kind of girlfriend did that?

I pounded on the door, a frown etched into my face.

The door flew open and a look of surprise shone on her face. "Fabian!" she said, relieved, as she threw her arms around my neck. I didn't hug her back.

"So, how have your past few days been?" I asked coolly. I didn't let her respond. "Because mine haven't been so hot considering I was in the _hospital_."

She cringed, and I saw her eyes flutter to the floor eagerly, clearly trying to come up with a good excuse. "Fabian, I-I don't know what to say."

"That's certainly a first."

She hung her head shamefully. "I know," she said softly.

"Why don't you start with the truth?" I pleaded, my voice wavering slightly.

She lifted her gaze to meet mine. "The truth?"

I had to will myself to turn away or I might have been drawn into her vulnerable eyes and just forgiven her on the spot. I slowly sauntered into her flat. "Look, Keegan, I'm not some needy boyfriend who was desperate to have his girlfriend fawn over him while he lay hurt and exhausted on a hospital bed. I didn't need you to be there all day and night. I didn't need you to…to hold my hand. But as I watched the way James stood over Lily these past few days and as I watched Frank rush to the hospital when he heard about Alice and as I watched Dezzy and Drew grow concerned about each other, I couldn't help but wish you at least had some sort of decency to show up and actually care about me."

"Now, that's not fair," she argued. "I do care about you."

"Yeah? You show it so well," I snorted sarcastically.

She fell silent and I knew that my comment was probably a tad harsh. "Keegan," I said softly, my voice shaking with vulnerability. "What's going on?"

She frowned, guilt resting heavily in her eyes. "I just…I-I…I don't…"

"Yeah?" I pleaded.

She hung her head shamefully. "I don't do hospitals, Fabian," she whispered. "I-I tried going in, I swear to you I did. I just…couldn't."

"Why not?" I dared to ask.

She turned her gaze away immediately. "Please don't ask me that."

I frowned. More secrets. It's all I ever felt like I got from her.

"You have to know how sorry I am," she spoke, her voice soft and regretful. I knew she meant it. She wasn't that heartless. I just wish she didn't have anything to apologize for. "I am, Fabian. I really am."

"I know you are," I responded, running my fingers through my hair. "But what if an apology isn't enough, Keegan?"

Her eyes met mine and there was a sort of resolve that made me realize she had been on the end of a conversation very much like this one before. Neither of us spoke. I didn't really know what else to say at this point. She looked so helpless, so insecure. And that was enough to make me realize that the two of us had to end things. Before either one of us got hurt. "Keegan," I said softly, shaking my head slowly. "I have loved being with you. You make everything so…so easy. Our wizarding world is at war right now. People are dying and Voldemort's army is getting stronger. But somehow, you have this way of making me forget that. When I'm with you, it's just about you and me."

"Fabian, I-"

"But it's not about you and me anymore," I continued, swallowing hard. "It's just about you. And whatever it is that you're so determined to hide. I get that your past is yours to do with what you want, but it affects everyone around you. Including me. _Especially _me. You throw up this wall and I can't seem to break it down."

A flicker of regret passed through her eyes.

"I was falling for you," I admitted in a small voice. "But I think I was falling too fast. You clearly have unresolved issues. Issues that you're not going to solve being with me."

"I don't have anything unresolved," she argued, pursing her lips. "I just don't need everyone digging into my personal business. My past is _my _past. And I don't feel as if I really should have to explain myself to anyone. Not even you."

"You're getting defensive."

"So?"

I shrugged. "You get defensive when anyone gets too close to speculating about your past."

"Then stop speculating."

I sighed, leaning up against the armrest of her couch. "I wish it were that easy."

She glanced at the still-open door and slowly shut it behind her. "I'm not trying to make anything difficult."

"I know that," I said softly. "But I can't continue doing this to myself."

"Doing _what_?"

I didn't respond immediately, meeting her strong and concentrated gaze. She acted so guarded and defensive all the time, but I knew there was a lot she was holding back. But until she was willing to stop herself from holding back her emotions, she'd never be able to let anyone in. "Falling in love with you knowing you'll never fall for me back."

She opened her mouth to respond but closed it quickly. I had a feeling I hit the nail on the head. My heart broke slightly in the moment, knowing that she had no argument. It was true. I was falling for her and although there wasn't a doubt in my mind that she liked me and cared about me, it wasn't ever going to be more than that. And I knew I deserved more. Just like she deserved more.

She turned away from my scrutinizing gaze, regret displayed evidently on her face. "This isn't the way I wanted things to turn out," she said, her voice hoarse and guilty.

"I know, but…" I trailed off, swallowing hard. I sighed before admitting, "Unfortunately, I'm not the guy you want to let in."

"That's not true," she said immediately, shaking her head. "I do _want _to. I just…"

"Don't know how?" I whispered, slowly climbing off the couch and walking over to her.

She hesitated before nodding solemnly. I placed my finger on her chin and lifted her face so her eyes met mine. There was a tear in her eye, threatening to escape. She bit down on her bottom lip and I framed her face with my hand. She melted into my touch and there was a glint of vulnerability in her eyes, an emotion I wasn't used to seeing from her. I instinctively leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, lusting passion rising from within both of us. She kissed me back unlike ever before, the desire between us unmistakable.

I had to compel myself to pull away from her, my eyes not straying from hers as I watched that single tear slowly slide down her cheek. I reached for her hand, brushing her hair out of her face. "You're an amazing girl, Keegan. I hope you know that you deserve someone who's going to make you realize how amazing you are. And when you find that guy, you're going to want to tell him everything."

She blushed, tearing her eyes away from mine. She wiped the tear in her eyes, taking a deep breath in and exhaling slowly. I knew she didn't have anything else to say, at least nothing that would be able to reassure me I was doing the wrong thing. I opened my mouth to say good-bye, but realized that this wouldn't be good-bye. My friends were now her friends and there was no way to avoid that. So instead, I said nothing. I just looked at her. Really looked at her. Seeing the scared, vulnerable girl she really was instead of the strong, confident girl she tried so desperately to be.

I let go of her hand, the first step in letting go of her. "I'll see you around, Keegan."

She didn't respond. She didn't nod or shake her head. She didn't even blink. She just stared back at me.

I turned my back on her, heading towards her front door.

"I'm sorry, Fabian."

My hand froze on the doorknob and I slowly turned around. She offered me a smile and I took that as a good sign.

I nodded at her. "I know."

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

I wanted to go after him. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to lose him. I wanted to tell him that I could love him. But I didn't. Because I knew I could never love Fabian. He was right. I had plenty of unresolved emotions flying around in my head and in my heart. And while I would have loved to believe that none of my past affected who I was in the present, that was so obviously a blatant lie. I mean, I couldn't even find the courage and the compassion to show up by Fabian's side at the hospital. I tried. I did. I stood outside for nearly two hours trying to ignore the panic in my chest but as those hours carried on, I just felt like my heart was about two seconds away from explodin.

Fabian deserved someone whose heart belonged solely to him. Mine? It still just belonged in the past.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I was finally all moved in and couldn't be happier. I was still slightly sore from the bruising from that weekend, but it was easier to ignore when unpacking all of my things. And James couldn't have been more supportive. Maybe he was being a little too supportive. Everywhere I went, I'd find him popping up by my side. I could barely use the loo without his permission! I know that this past weekend was tough on him, tough on all of us, but I couldn't help but wonder why he suddenly was acting so overly attentive and overprotective. Not that it wasn't sweet. I just felt like there was a story there.

"What about sage?" I asked, stifling a yawn. We were lying down on the living room couch, too exhausted to even take the extra few steps up the stairs into his bedroom. _Our _bedroom, I guess I should say.

He hesitated. "What the hell is sage?"

I chuckled. "It's a light green with a grayish tint."

"Then why can't they just call it light green with a grayish tint?"

I smacked him on the shoulder. "We're never going to agree on a color for the living room."

"I like the paint color it is now."

"That's wallpaper."

"Oh."

I smiled, resting my head against his shoulder. "More than that, it's wallpaper that's coming down at the edges."

James made a face. "I have a feeling no matter what I say, you're going to change it anyway."

I grinned. "Don't worry. I won't touch the game room."

He breathed a dramatic sigh of relief. "Oh, then go ahead and change what you want."

I couldn't help but laugh, an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction coursing through my veins. I couldn't be happier that I was finally moving in with James. All of my worries and fears I thought I had were slowly disappearing. "So, Mr. Potter," I said with a stifled yawn, "How shall we celebrate our first night living together?"

"Hm, I hope that's a trick question," he said with a suggestive eyebrow raise, kissing the nape of my neck.

"Really?" I said, making a face. "You're not terribly exhausted from the move?"

He hesitated. "Why, are you?"

"I asked you first."

He laughed, brushing the hair from my face with his lips. "And if I said I was?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'd say oh good, I'm not the only one?"

He smiled, slumping down further on the couch. "How about we celebrate tomorrow night?" he suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," I whispered.

I nuzzled my head into the nook of his neck and shoulder, knowing we'd most likely end up spending half the night on the couch, the idea of walking up the stairs to our bedroom too much to bear.

"I don't think I can move right now," James agreed, as if he were reading my thoughts. "Give me a few hours."

I yawned again, gesturing towards the beer bottle in his hand. "Your beer is empty."

He hesitated. "Okay, maybe I can move briefly just to grab a beer, but _then _I'm not planning on moving for another few hours."

I chuckled, running my lips up his arm towards his lips. My hands made their way into his hair as I shifted my weight so I was straddling him. He framed my face with his hands as I explored the inside of his mouth, our tongues intertwining.

"What happened to celebrating tomorrow?" he joked as I pressed tiny kisses to his jawline.

I chuckled. "You complaining?"

"Not at all," he teased, running his fingers under the back hem of my T-shirt as he pressed his lips against mine firmly.

We were both interrupted by the doorbell followed by a loud knock on the door. We glanced at each other curiously. All of our friends and family had learned just to barge into the mansion.

James shrugged. "Tomorrow it is," he joked. "I'll grab two more beers and you get the door?"

I nodded, slowly climbing out of his grasp. James disappeared into the kitchen and I headed to the front of the house.

I opened the door and an unknown visitor stood in front of me. I couldn't exactly place it, but there was something familiar about him. "Hi," I greeted. "Can I help you?"

He gazed at me scrupulously, and I knew he was giving me a once-over, probably trying to determine who I was. He didn't know that I was doing the same to him. "Is...is Maya or Jonathan here?" he eventually spoke.

His voice was deep and rough, and his tone was wary. He looked frightened almost and kept glancing over his shoulder as if someone was about to attack him.

"Er...no," I responded, shrugging sheepishly. It's been a long time since someone mentioned Mr. Potter. Whoever this was, he was clearly behind the times. "They…uh, they don't live here anymore."

His face registered shock and there was a sense of panic surrounding him. "This...this isn't Potter Manor anymore?"

I offered him a smile. "No, it still is. But Maya moved out and gave the place to her son."

He responded immediately, his eyes lighting up. "So Brite's here now?"

My heart sank. I couldn't remember the last time I had heard his name mentioned either. How was I supposed to tell someone who I didn't know that Brite Potter was dead? "No, he...um...he..." I trailed off, the words catching in my throat. "I'm sorry, but...who are you?"

Before he could respond, I heard a loud crash behind me. I whirled around to see our two beer bottles lying in pieces on the floor. James' face grew white as he whispered one word.

"Wyatt?"

* * *

**A/N: **Aaaaaand yet another cliffhanger... Oops? Not much to say here except that James and Lily are far too adorable for my own taste! And poor Fabian. And Keegan. More on them later. James gets an answer to one of his million questions so it's a start. More to come on that later as well.


	13. Of Warm-ups, Brothers, & Traditions

**A/N: **WYATT IS BACK! This chapter is not my favorite as it merely sets up the next couple of chapters but it does provide some filler information. I actually like Keegan but she is certianly full of secrets. These secrets will be revealed eventually and she'll become a more likable character. But it's hard being likable when it's hard getting to know her. It's the same with Wyatt - he'll be completely full of secrets and it won't be until the next chapter or so that he'll begin to break down a few of those barriers. And there will be more of everyone next chapter - I promise!

**Disclaimer: **I would hope by now you'd realize I'm not J.K. Rowling.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 13: Of Warm Ups, Brothers, & Traditions

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

I don't know how long I sat on that couch for thinking about the break-up, but it was well after midnight. Which was unusual. Because I don't normally think after break-ups. In fact, I don't normally sit around either. My first move is to often grab my stuff and leave. Leave everything behind to start anew. Leave and rarely look back. For the past four years, I've had five relationships. And after they ended, most in a very similar way to my break-up with Fabian with them wanting more answers from me regarding my past, I ran off to start over. It's what I did best. But for the first time in four years, I didn't know if I wanted to run. I was actually considering the idea of staying put. I just didn't know how.

Fabian was right about everything. I am guarded and I don't let myself get close to anyone. I did hide behind my past and I kept secrets very close to my heart. But I just didn't know how to let people in. I'm so afraid of getting hurt again that I can't imagine myself getting too close to a guy. I never wanted to be in the dark place I was forced into so many years earlier. It was easier pushing people away than letting them into a world that scared the hell out of me. It wasn't easy admitting that my relationships have all ended because of me. It was even harder admitting that while I tried to pretend my past didn't affect me, it inevitably did. Tristan was with me every day. I just couldn't ignore what had happened four years earlier. I had tried. And I had failed.

I knew it was probably time to stop pretending as if I was ignoring it. It was probably time to face it. Just at the idea of that, I could feel my heart begin to race. Staying put wasn't something I was used to. It was a lot easier ignoring the fact that once again I let another relationship fail when I was running away from it.

I'm not sure when I stood up off the couch, but I found myself heading towards the door. I had one thing I felt as if I needed to do before I could make any decision.

I took a deep breath in as my knuckles tapped the front door belonging to Sirius and Remus.

Sirius answered the door. I don't know if I was grateful for that or not. On one hand, I just wish nobody was home. On the other hand, he was the one I needed to talk to so I was glad it wasn't Remus who answered.

"What are you doing here?" he sneered.

"Apologizing," I murmured with a sigh. "You were right on Saturday. About everything. It's a hell of a lot easier being cynical after…after a lot of the things I've seen in my life."

Intrigue stared back at me. "And what, pray tell, have you seen?"

I should have expected that question, but I didn't respond. I wasn't ready to explain it to him. "I should have gone to St. Mungo's, I just…" I trailed off. "I don't like hospitals."

"Oh, yeah, and they're a big old bag of fun to me," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "No one _likes _hospitals, Keegan. But we deal with them. Because our friends deserve that much."

"I know," I murmured guiltily. "I tried going in. I did. I stood outside the doors for an hour on Saturday. And for another hour on Sunday. I just couldn't go in."

He cocked his head to the side curiously. "Why not?"

I hesitated. I went with the stupid answer. "Because I don't like hospitals."

He rolled his eyes. "_Why not_?"

"_I just don't_."

He scoffed. "You're so stubborn, y'know that?"

"I didn't come here to tell you all my secrets, Black," I retaliated, giving him a look. "I simply thought you deserved to hear my apology."

"Except you've yet to actually apologize," he said, a hint of a smile on his face. Damn, he was actually enjoying this.

"Technically it's not you I need to apologize to," I pointed out dryly.

He surprised me. He actually chuckled. "Fair enough. Is this just your warm-up before you go track down Fabian?"

My heart fluttered at the mention of his name. "Um, no," I murmured. "Not exactly. He was actually the warm-up before I tracked you down."

His eyebrows shot up. "Oh, you talked to him?"

"Yeah."

He opened his mouth, but quickly shut it. I had a feeling he was curious what had occurred between us but thought better than to pry. Which was slightly unusual for him. "Good," he said instead.

"Not really," I found myself saying. "We broke up."

He hesitated, meeting my gaze. He glanced behind his shoulder awkwardly and opened the door up. "Want to come in?"

I found that unexpected and simply shook my head. "No," I argued. "I just needed to let you know that you…you were right. You seem to know more about me than I wish you did. It's why I…well, never mind," I muttered, a tint of crimson flushing to my cheeks. I wasn't about to admit that the reason we got off on the wrong foot was because every time I looked at Sirius, I thought of Tristan. For numerous reasons. Reasons I was still trying to ignore. "Like I said, you were right. I…I stay negative and cynical all the time because it's easier being negative, especially when things inevitably go wrong. I used to be positive. I used to be optimistic. It got me nothing. It got me nowhere. And it is that much harder dealing with…with heartbreak and tragedy when it is unexpected. Dealing with that kind of negativity hurts a lot less when you're already negative."

He frowned uneasily. "That's not a healthy way to live, Keegan."

I had to swallow the lump in my throat. Otherwise, I may have broken out in tears and there was no way in hell I was going to cry in front of Sirius Black. "I know," I said softly. "That's why I said you were right. Because even though I may pretend it's easier being cynical and negative, in the end it…it just makes you feel empty," I found myself choking out, shaking my head in pure discouragement.

He stared at me, leaning casually up against the doorframe with a curious gaze. "Why…why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think out of anyone, you might actually understand." The words left my mouth before I could stop them.

Shock shone in his eyes. "What?"

I cringed, shaking my head. "Nothing. Just forget it. I just came to tell you all this before I-" I stopped. I was going to say before I left, but the words caught in my throat. "Anyway," I said hastily. "I said what I had to say. So…good-bye."

I offered him an awkward smile before whirling around.

"Whoa, wait," he said, reaching out to grab my arm.

I stiffened, glancing over my shoulder. "What?"

"What were you going to say?" he asked.

"What?"

"You said you just came to tell me all this before you…" he trailed off, shrugging hesitantly. "Before you what?"

"Nothing," I said hastily, shaking my head.

He frowned. "What aren't you telling me?"

"_Nothing_."

"You're not a very good liar."

I shrugged. "Sorry."

"Oh yeah, you sound it," he snorted.

I rolled my eyes. "Good-bye, Sirius," I whispered achingly.

"Hey, stop," he said, grabbing my arm and stopping me from disappearing into my flat.

I let out a frustrated sigh, turning to face him. "_What_?"

He frowned. "Why did that good-bye sound so final?"

I was about to tell him to shut up and let go of me but I made the mistake of looking up into his eyes. Those eyes that showed so much pain and vulnerability and emptiness and fear and hurt. It was the same thing I saw every time I looked into the mirror. I frowned, sighing deeply. "I-I don't know," I started slowly. "I just…usually when my relationships end, I use that as my time to pack my things and move away so that I can just bury the past and start anew."

"Another healthy behavior."

"Yes, thank you," I scowled sarcastically.

"Well, what do you need from me? To help you pack?" he teased.

"I didn't come here needing anything from you," I snapped. "I simply wanted to apologize."

He hesitated. "Is that really all you came here for?"

I rolled my eyes. "The only thing you could remotely do for me right now is to tell me to stay and I'm pretty sure you won't be doing that."

He blinked. "Uh, yeah, ya think? I'm pretty sure, hm, oh I don't know, _anyone else _is more qualified to do that."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe Remus."

He glanced at me, confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

I pursed my lips hesitantly. I hadn't knocked on Sirius' door for any sort of relationship or post-relationship advice.

I swallowed hard. Or maybe I had.

I found myself blurting out, "I guess I just meant that both you and he understand all about running away from past relationships."

Panic seeped through his eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about."

I gave him a look. "Don't I?"

"_No_," he retaliated harshly, his eyes narrowing. Uh-oh. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. "Because you know the reason that Fabian dumped you. Maybe if you had shown up at the hospital, you wouldn't be in this predicament."

"I couldn't show up at the hospital!" I defended, my voice full of regret.

"For reasons that you still haven't really admitted to," he snorted. "So maybe it wasn't just the whole not-showing-up-at-St.-Mungo's issue. Maybe it's your whole desperate-to-hide-the-past issue. Either way, it could have been rectified. And you chose not to."

"Oh sure, reprimand me for keeping the past hidden," I retaliated with a stern look. "Pot, meet kettle."

"What?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's a Muggle expression."

"What the hell is a kettle?"

"We're getting off-topic."

"Good, I don't want to get back on-topic. It's a stupid topic to be on."

"I've been living with Lily for seven months, Black," I pointed out with a shrug, ignoring his request. "And I think I've heard you all allude to Riley maybe a total of three-"

"How the hell do you know her name?" he grunted.

"Times," I continued, ignoring him, "So don't talk to _me_ about keeping the past hidden because you've done a damned good job of it yourself."

"So what?" he snorted, rolling his eyes. "This isn't about me. This is about you feeling like I'd have a reason to keep you here. Well, you're outta luck. Go ahead and pack your things. I won't be stopping you."

Yep, definitely should have kept my mouth shut. He attempted to slam the door in my face, but I outstretched my hand and stopped it. "I think that of all people, you should realize that I'm not actively trying to keep my past hidden," I said softly, finding sudden interest in the chipped nail polish on my fingernails, "It's just easier that way. Easier pretending that…that everything is fine. That my past has nothing to do with the present. That my relationships now aren't affected by what's happened in my past. It's easier not wearing my heart on my sleeve and not getting too emotionally attached to anyone. Except there's just one problem. I did."

"Fabian?"

I hesitated. "Partly," I said softly. "But also to his friends. To Lily and Kay, to Remus and Peter and James, to Alice and Frank, to Lance and to Dezzy and Drew. Somewhere down the line, they became my friends too. And I guess for the first time in four years, I'd rather not leave everything behind I don't have to."

There. I said it. I don't want to walk out on the recent life I've created for myself.

"You don't _have_ to do anything," Sirius snorted.

I knew he was right. "Maybe not," I said vulnerably. "But sometimes it feels like I do."

Bloody hell, why was I talking to Sirius about this? I blame the post-breakup blues.

He gazed at me with his usual casual gaze, his eyes filled with wonder and curiosity. "Why do you feel the need to run?"

I wish I had an answer for that that didn't make me sound like a total coward.

"Because honestly? I don't think it's running that you've become accustomed to doing. I think it's hiding."

My heart fluttered. This is where I'd normally throw in a defensive comment and storm off. For some reason, I stayed silent this time. Maybe because I recognized the understanding in his voice.

"Hiding from the past," he continued. "Hiding from the truth. Hiding from exactly what I had said on Saturday: your own damned feelings." He hesitated. "Maybe you're right. Maybe you did come to the right person. Because honestly? I might be the only one to not only tell you but understand what it means to stop hiding and just start living."

"Oh, sure, it's that easy, hm?" I snorted. Oops, spoke too soon. Defensive comment #1.

"Hell no it's not easy," he responded with a curt shrug. "But maybe you should stop trying to do everything that's easy and start just living your damned life. Because here's a useful tip, Rouge. Life isn't easy. _Love _isn't easy. Nothing is ever easy no matter how much you pretend it may be."

I hesitated before saying, "Love is easy. It's the falling out of love that isn't."

He stiffened, pursing his lips tightly. "What do you know about that? Considering you seem to run away every time a relationship ends, it seems to me that the falling out of love part should be easy for you."

Ouch. He kinda had a point. "Running away from love and falling out of love are two different concepts, Sirius," I said softly, a lump forming in my throat. An image of Tristan flashed through my mind.

"Hm, so now it's love you're running away from?"

"This time around? Nope, just you," I snickered. Defensive comment #2.

He shrugged. "And once again, I'm not stopping you."

I frowned. Not sure why I felt the need to explain myself, I said, "It's not Fabian I'm running from. It's me."

He met my gaze, his filled with regret and sorrow. "Yeah, I know," he said softly. And it sounded like he did. "But here's the part we often seem to forget: you can't run from your own thoughts. They're always going to be there. Even when we think shots of tequila are going to erase our thoughts, they don't. Even when we think sex or a relationship is going to mute our fears, they don't. Even when we busy ourselves in our work in order to not focus on our insecurities, it doesn't help. Even when we believe that running away will keep the past in the past, it doesn't. And I personally don't think anyone can really move on until they realize that."

His eyes were penetrating through mine. It was scary how well he seemed to know me. "Have you realized it?"

He opened his mouth and surprised me with an honest answer, "I'm trying to."

I couldn't help but crack a smile. "And yet you still seem to love tequila and sex."

I saw him trying to fight a smile. "Hence the word 'trying,'" he joked.

"You're not trying very hard, are you?" I pointed out with a chuckle.

He frowned, slowly shaking his head. "We're not talking about me."

"Sure we are," I urged with a shrug. "Because the truth is, Sirius, you and I? We're quite similar. Maybe a little too similar."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't go spreading that around."

I frowned, biting down on the bottom part of my lip awkwardly. This is where I should have turned around and walked away. "I know what it feels like to get hurt, Sirius," I said softly. "I know what it feels like to wonder if you'll ever be able to get over someone. I know what it feels like to lose love and -"

"Oh, don't pretend like you and I are the same," he jeered.

"We are," I said almost defensively. "You just don't know about my past."

"Yeah, and you don't know a damned thing about mine." His eyes were filled with frustration. That was probably when I should have shut up.

And yet I found myself admitting the one thing I have been so desperate to hide to the one person who might actually understand. "You might not believe me when I say this, but I've been in love before. That head-over-heels, can't-live-without-them love that feels like it only happens once in a lifetime to a person. A love I know you've felt based on the way you actively avoid talking about," I said softly, swallowing away the pain. "And I've lost that love, just like I know you have. I know what it feels like to…to have your whole world turned upside down and to literally hear your heart ripping to shreds. Tristan was-"

"No one I care to hear about," he sneered, giving me a stern look as he practically jumped off the sofa. "Whatever sad, pathetic break-up occurred between you and him has no bearing to what happened to me."

Anger boiled inside of me. _Sad, pathetic break-up_? "And how the hell do you know that? You won't even listen to me."

He glared at me. "I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to talk about this." He started walking towards the kitchen, as if that would end this conversation.

I frowned and for some reason decided it would be a good reason to push it. "There you are, once again, trying to run and hide from the past."

He snorted, opening up the refrigerator to grab a beer. "What was that whole pot and kettle expression?"

"You're right," I said, surprising even myself. "I do run. I do hide. Because it's like you said on Saturday. I'd rather avoid my own feelings than admit that I've been…" I stopped short, my heart beating out of my chest.

He shut the refrigerator door, glancing curiously at me. "That you've been what?"

I bit down on the inside of my lip hesitantly, my eyes never straying from his. "That I've been hurt in the past. And that it's been hard to get over. I know you can relate, Sirius. I can see it in your eyes."

He rolled his eyes and turned his back on me again, twisting off the beer cap and chucking it on to the counter. "This isn't going to be Sirius and Keegan bonding time. Find someone else to convince you to stay," he snorted.

"This isn't about me needing convincing anymore, Black," I pleaded. "I think you and I both know that we probably understand each other more than we would like to-" I didn't get to finish my sentence.

He whirled around so fast, I expected his head to fall off. I jumped as he threw the half-empty beer bottle across the room. It crashed against the wall and lay broken on the wooden floor. "You don't know a damned thing about what I went through, Rouge! Just because you may have gotten some backwards information from Lily doesn't mean you can _understand _it!" he barked, glaring heatedly at me. "Did _you_ fall in love with _Tristan _when you were only eleven?" He said Tristan's name as if it were some sort of disease. "Did you sleep with _Tristan_ just to break his heart a few days later by sleeping with someone else because you were too damned scared of the idea of love? Did you think that that was the end of you two? Did you lose all hope because of one goddamned silly mistake? Did you pine after _Tristan _for nearly _seven years _before she—er, _he_,finally gave you a chance that you probably didn't deserve but you wholeheartedly appreciated nonetheless? Did you try your damndest to show that you could be romantic so that he wouldn't be able to find any reason to leave? Did _Tristan _run off scared at the first sign of trouble in the relationship and did all _you_ want was to make him realize that you were madly in love with him? Did you try to get over him but came to the realization that you absolutely couldn't live your life without him?" His voice was shaky now, but anger still showed on his face. I cowered slightly, feeling ashamed for even attempting to bond with Sirius Black. "Did you profess your undying love for _Tristan _on top of a table in the middle of the Great Hall, not caring about _anything else _except her? Him," he quickly corrected. He fell silent briefly and for a moment, only a brief moment, there was overwhelming pain staring back at me. But as quickly as it passed through his eyes, it was gone and irate coolness reappeared. "Did it break your heart when you found out that _Tristan_ might have to…to move to Australia for an entire year? Did you feel it was unfair? That you just got back together and now she was being ripped apart from you once again?" He didn't even correct the wrong pronoun that time. "But were you still finally able to convince yourself that _Tristan _deserved to follow _his _dreams? Were _you _the one who convinced _Tristan _needed to go to Australia? That it might be alright, that it was only a year apart and you two could get back to the way things were when he returned? Did you think that Tristan would never be able to say that he loved you? And was it the happiest day of your life when he finally did? When he finally conquered all of his fears and insecurities and let you into his heart completely?" He lifted his gaze and met my surprised, guilty eyes. If he was a girl, this is the part where his eyes would well up with tears. Instead, complacent grief stared back at me. "And did you finally get to a point where you knew you had to ask Tristan to stay? That maybe, _just maybe_, love would be enough to keep you two together? That telling her to go was a big mistake and you wanted to take it all back? But…but before you were given that goddamned chance, _he left_!?" He practically shouted that last part. "Did _you_ fall asleep one night with Tristan right beside you and wake up thinking he'd still be there just to find out that he disappeared in the middle of the night!? That he just _walked away_? From _me, _from our _friends_?Without a bloody goodbye!? Did your heart break into a million irreparable pieces the moment you realized the love of your life was gone _forever_?"

I knew all too well what that last one felt like, but I didn't say anything. I could have, but I chose not to. I just knew that in that moment, Sirius didn't want a response. He needed to rant. I knew it wasn't necessarily me he was angry with. Maybe it was himself, maybe it was Riley, but either way, he probably had kept that all bottled in for four years and I was more than willing to let him vent if it helped any.

"You _don't_ know what it feels like," Sirius sneered, shaking his head vehemently. "You don't know what it feels like to think you have five days left with someone just to have them disappear without so much as an explanation. You don't know what it feels like to wonder _every damned day _if there was something you could have done to stop her. To wonder if only you had heard her stirring and woken up while she packed before she left so you could have at least demanded some sort of reasoning. You don't know what it's like to wonder what it is you possibly could have done to deserve abandonment. To wonder…to wonder _why_. To have a million questions in your head and to never get even remotely close to the answers. You _don't _know what that feels like. You _don't _know me. So don't pretend that you do."

He met my gaze and neither of us spoke. I could feel his pain in every word he spoke and it was like a dagger to my own heart. I felt my own heart ache for him and for Riley while it ached for myself and Tristan at the same time. He wasn't alone in his suffering. He wasn't the only one who had ever dealt with overwhelming heartbreak. His heartbreak was obviously tough, I wasn't going to deny that. To not have any closure as to why the love of your life could up and walk away was something I wouldn't know much about. I always knew the reason to all of my break-ups. But that didn't make them any easier. And it especially didn't make me getting over Tristan in particular any easier. He was the start of my running away tradition. I thought it would be easier leaving everything behind that reminded me of him and start a new life. Truth is, I haven't spoken about Tristan since the day I left France. Until now.

"You're right, Sirius. You are. I don't know you very well, mostly because I've tried to make sure I didn't get to know you," I said softly. "But sometimes it feels like I do whether you or I would like to admit it."

He clenched his fists and strolled towards the door. "I am so outta here," he snapped.

I glanced over at him, confused. "This is your flat!"

He glared at me, his hand on the doorknob. "Yeah, well that's how much I need to get out of here. I don't care for people who try to get involved in my personal matters that they know nothing about no matter how much they think they might."

I shook my head, sighing. "No," I said, giving him a look. "You don't want to be around me because you're afraid that maybe, _just maybe_, I _do _know _exactly _what you went through. And if that's the case, then you can no longer pretend as if everything is fine and dandy with the world when in fact, it _isn't_. And it never will be. Not until you get the answers to all those questions in your head. Answers you know you'll never get but you still desperately hang on to."

"Oh, go to hell, Rouge," Sirius barked, glaring at me. But there was shock in his eyes. Shock that proved perhaps I did know more about him than he would like. "After months of you pretty much hating my guts, you don't get to waltz into my flat and act like the high and almighty Queen Keegan who is so clearly picking on me because it's easier than admitting that _once again _a relationship of hers failed and she has absolutely no one to blame but herself!"

Ouch.

But damn, he unfortunately had a point.

"I'm not the one looking for answers. _You _are," he snapped. "Go ahead and pack your things. Leave and never come back. Run away and hide from the truth. See if I care."

Before I could respond, he was storming out and the door was slamming behind him.

I sighed. Well, that could have gone better.

He was absolutely right though. I had, for some bizarre reason, been hoping to get answers from him. Hoping to get some understanding of myself and my past by digging into his past. I wanted to pretend as if he and I were the same because I saw the same pain that rested in me in him. I saw grief and agony and pain. I saw disappointment and anger. I saw confusion and sorrow and desperation. All of these emotions and feelings that stemmed from uncontrollable heartbreak. All of these emotions and feelings that I was determined to ignore. That clearly _he _was determined to ignore. I had clearly hoped in the back of my subconscious that if I focused on him and his past I could still ignore my own.

But maybe the time had come for me to face reality. To face the fact that I was still hurting four years later. And maybe, just maybe, I'll never be able to get over Tristan. Because the one thing I desire most is just the chance to say goodbye to him.

But he was gone before I ever had that chance.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

My whole body went numb. I barely acknowledged my girlfriend, who looked as shocked as I felt. My eyes met Wyatt's, who merely stared at me in awe. He looked twenty years older than the last time I saw him. He looked weary and lost, broken even. As if a stampede of giants had trampled him a million times over.

"James," my brother finally said softly, a relieved smile spreading across his face. "You…you look good."

"You look like crap." The ruthless words were out of my mouth before I could process them.

"Er…I'll leave you two alone," Lily muttered, slowly backing away from the door.

Neither of us even glanced her way, refusing to tear our eyes away from each other. I've thought of this moment for over eight years. The moment where my long-lost brother would reappear. I had thought of a million things I would say to him, the accusations and the comments filled with anger and grief, but at that time I couldn't think of a single one. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that the brother I hadn't seen in eight years was standing on my doorstep. I should have had so many thoughts swirling in my head, but it was blank. I was too shocked to even think. Too speechless to speak. I could only stare at him, trying to soak up every detail of that single moment.

"What are you doing here?" I eventually asked for lack of anything better to say, my voice hoarse and shaky.

He took a deep breath in, sighing. "I…I-I just wanted to see you."

I smirked derisively, shaking my head in disbelief. "Seems to me you had eight years to pop your head in to say hi and you haven't chosen to do so. So the whole you just dropping by for a visit act isn't really going to cut it," I snapped, anger suddenly coursing through my veins. "Seriously, Wyatt, _what_ _the_ _hell_ are you doing here?"

He turned away and I could have sworn I saw a glisten of tears in his eyes. He stared off into the distance, a pensive look of heartbreak evident on his face. I was about to ask my question again when he spoke up, his next words shocking and confusing me. "I just needed to make sure Dezzy and Drew were safe."

I froze. "You been reading the newspapers?"

He shook his head. "No, I just…" he trailed off, guilt reading on his face.

I gazed at him, noting how he kept looking behind his shoulder. As if someone was going to sneak up on him at any moment. "Just what?"

"Just tell me they're okay."

"Right after you tell me what the hell you've been up to for _eight years_!" I barked, rage bulging from my eyes.

Anguish flickered in his eyes. "I can't," he whispered.

I glared at him. "Right," I snorted, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Not because I don't want to," he added. "But…but because I'm trying to protect you."

Cynical laughter emanated from within me. "That might be the funniest thing I've ever heard. Were you trying to protect me when you disappeared eight years ago? Without so much as an explanation or a good-bye? Were you trying to protect me by not bothering to be there by my side when Brite was _murdered_? Or when our father walked out on this family? Or when JT was kidnapped and killed? Was your way of protecting us _not caring_!? Or not-"

"Wait," he hastily interrupted with a hoarse voice, shaking his head and holding his hand up frantically. "Brite and Jaron are…how…what…they're not…" he dithered, his bottom lip trembling in fear. His face was white, his expression frozen with shock.

I almost felt guilty. Almost. "You…you didn't know?"

"They're…they're…"

I turned away, suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of grief for my two brothers. "They're dead," I whispered.

I have never once seen Wyatt cry so that 'almost' disappeared from my guilt when tears welled up inside his eyes. I felt even more guilty when a tear slipped down his cheek.

"I…I've missed so much," he whispered hoarsely, discreetly wiping underneath his eye.

"Whose fault is that?" I snorted.

He met my gaze but didn't answer the rhetorical question. "How did they…"

"Voldemort."

His expression changed into shock and regret. His mouth dropped open slightly, his eyebrows knitting in anger. "That son-of-a-bitch," he growled. "And now he's after Drew and Dezzy."

"How did you hear he was after them?" I asked.

He hesitated, shaking his head slowly. "It's not important."

"Yes, it is important!" I cried out irritably. "You don't get to show up after eight years and hold back secrets, Wyatt! I deserve some bloody answers!"

"You're better off not knowing," he pleaded.

"Am I better off not knowing why you left? Am I better off not knowing why you didn't bother saying good-bye? Am I better off not knowing what you've been up to these past eight years? Am I better off not knowing why you came back?"

He turned away from my hard gaze and shrugged. "Yes, actually."

I clenched my fists, shaking my head in disbelief. Something was definitely suspicious. The panicked look in his eye confirmed that. I hesitated before asking, "And am I better off not knowing how it is you heard about Dezzy & Drew but you haven't heard about Brite or JT?"

"James, I-"

"Did you not have newspapers wherever the hell you've been for the last eight years?"

"Um, no," he murmured. "Not exactly."

"What does 'not exactly' mean?"

"It means you don't want to know," he pleaded.

I really wanted to punch the guy. So much. But I had a feeling if I did that, he'd be less inclined to tell me what was going on. "I am sick and tired of people putting me in the dark!" I barked, clenching my fists tightly. "I'm not a kid anymore! I'm twenty-one-years-old for Merlin's sake! I'm one of the best new Auror recruits in our Department, I'm working in the best goddamned Auror Department in the world, I'm a member of an elite organization designed to destroying Voldemort, I help train other Order members, and considering the fact that Voldemort's sole target now appears to be _me_, I plan on making his life a living hell if I have to. I know how to take care of myself. I don't need my older brother or my mother or my _coworker_ or my _Headmaster_ trying to protect me anymore. I can protect myself!"

When I gazed into his eyes, my own blazing with rage, I was surprised to see compassion staring back at me. He cocked his head to the side curiously. "What exactly has Dumbledore and Sydny been telling you?"

Well, that threw me for a loop. "_What_?"

"You mentioned that you knew Voldemort was after you. You also mentioned a Headmaster and a coworker," he said with a shrug. "I assumed you meant Sydny."

I was reminded of something Sydny had said to me the first time we met. She had worked with Wyatt. "How did you know that Sydny was my coworker?" I asked determinedly.

He cringed. "Look, I shouldn't have come here. I realize that…me showing up is a bit of a shock," he muttered. "I was taking a big risk coming here and I see now that it was a mistake. So please, just pretend you never saw me. It's better for you if you do."

Before he could rush away, I grabbed his arm. "You're just going to leave without giving me _any _inclination as to what it is you've been up to for _eight years_? Eight _goddamned _years!?"

"James," he said softly, fear residing in his expression.

"No, don't _James _me," I sneered, shaking my head. "You don't get to disappear without an explanation or a good-bye or a goddamned letter or a visit for _eight years_ and then suddenly show up here thinking you can get away with once again, not saying anything! Who do you think you are, Wyatt? Because you sure as hell aren't the brother I knew growing up."

"I know that," he said pleadingly. "I know I'm not the same guy anymore. But I've been through a lot, James. I've seen things and heard things that have made me grow up a lot faster than I ever intended."

"What things?" I begged.

He shook his head. "Please, James," he said. "Don't make me tell you."

I frowned, sensing utter discomfort in his words. And it just made me angrier. I was seriously on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Maybe it was just better if he left. "Fine," I said with a cold shrug, counting to ten in my head so as not to blow up at him. "But don't expect me to welcome you back with open arms."

He hesitated before saying, "I don't expect that. I never expected that. In all honesty, I dropped in to speak to Mom & Dad. For your sake and your safety, I didn't want to come back and see you. Or Dezzy or Grant or…" he trailed off.

"There's no one else," I responded shortly.

He met my gaze, and a twinge of regret coursed through my veins. I should have been glad to see Wyatt, seeing as the rest of my family is disappearing, but a part of me blamed him. He left first. He didn't deserve my forgiveness. He deserved to know what it felt like to feel abandoned.

"And I don't know what's worse," I continued, clenching my fists so tightly, my nails were digging into my palm. "The fact that you walked out on all of us without…without any sort of explanation, or the fact that you finally come back and you still refuse to give an explanation. As if we haven't wondered every single day of the past eight and a half years what made you feel as if you had to disappear. As if we haven't been so desperate to get the answers to all our questions about you. As if we didn't…didn't miss you," I said as an afterthought, shaking my head. "Well, we stopped missing you a long time ago. You shouldn't have come back, Wyatt. We're doing just fine without you."

He hesitated. "Says the guy who lost two brothers."

Ouch. "Three."

"What?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I lost _three _brothers," I sneered. "The moment you walked out on our family, you were dead to me."

Regret shone in his eyes once again. He swallowed hard, turning away from me. "Well, maybe that's a good thing," he said softly.

I didn't even bother asking how that could possibly be a good thing. I've learned not to expect anything from anyone, especially from the guy who chose to abandon us eight years earlier.

Neither of us spoke. I was still trying to figure out if I was angry or sad or frustrated or disappointed or confused. Or maybe I was just all of those rolled up into one. Maybe I was just feeling hurt.

"James, I don't know if I'm ever going to see you again," he said whimsically. "This…this has to be good-bye. For a while at least."

"Oh, so you do know how to say good-bye?" I snorted, rolling my eyes.

He frowned. "I'm sorry that I disappointed you, James," he whispered, slowly backing away. "Please just…stay safe."

All of those thoughts I had assumed I should be thinking came barreling at me at once. The whys and the hows and the wheres. The what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens and the what nows. I just didn't know where to start. "So, that's it?" I murmured, shaking my head in disbelief. "That's what you're going to leave me with?"

"It's all I can leave you with."

"Answer me one question."

He hesitated. "I can't promise anything."

"How did you know Sydny?" I asked.

He didn't respond, but I didn't expect him to.

I sighed, crossing my arms bitterly. "Good-bye, Wyatt."

He looked at me long and hard, his gaze never wavering. There was a sense of unsettled discomfort in the air that we both just let hang there. All of our questions were left unanswered, all of our speculation remained open, all of our desperation continued to show. "James, for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"That's worth shite."

"I know," he said softly. He turned away from my gaze, his eyes drifting towards the open field far off in the distance that housed many Quidditch matches when we were younger. He got misty-eyed and I pretended not to notice. We stood there, neither of us speaking, as I watched him digest the familiar old surroundings. Eventually, he turned back to me. "Good-bye, James."

I've waited a long time for those words and somehow they just made me feel worse.

I didn't say anything. I had already said my good-bye. I don't know if he expected me to say anything, but a flicker of disappointment gleamed in his eyes as he turned his back on me to walk away. Maybe I should have called after him. Maybe I should have asked more questions. Maybe I should have demanded an explanation. Maybe I should have even hugged the guy or said that I had missed him.

Instead, I let him go.

I watched him apparate and continued to stand in the doorway, overwhelmed by emotion. A part of me, a small part of me, was relieved to know he was still alive even after all these years. But it was frustration that really consumed me. Frustration towards him. Frustration towards Sydny. Frustration towards Voldemort. But mostly, it was frustration towards myself.

My family was falling apart in front of my very eyes, so I should have been happy to see Wyatt. I should have welcomed him and embraced him and never let go of him. I should have been glad to know that he wasn't dead. But my frustration was blinding the small bit of gratitude I felt. It was hard being happy knowing that a) he had abandoned his family and chose not to reach out to us in nearly nine years and b) he didn't even want to see me now that he was back. Why was my life so full of drama? Why couldn't I, for _once_, go a day without some sort of bombshell landing in my lap?

"Hey."

I stiffened at the sound of Lily's voice behind me in the foyer. "How about those beers?" I muttered.

"Already a step ahead of you," she said, handing me one.

I chugged half of it, heading back into the living room.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked.

"No," I said immediately, shaking my head. I plopped on to the couch with a groan. "I just want to forget about it."

She frowned and I could see the wheels turning in her head. She was clearly trying to find a way to tell me I was being an idiot in a more subtle way. "Do you really?" she said hesitantly. "Or are you clouded by anger?"

"Of course I'm angry," I said, staring at my beer bottle with narrowed eyes. "But I think I'm allowed to be."

"I'm not saying it's not justified," she agreed with a shrug. "But look at the big picture, James. Your brother-"

"Is someone you didn't know," I interrupted, shaking my head. "So no offense, but this isn't something you can really understand, so please just…just _let_ me be angry. _Let_ me forget it."

She swallowed hard, turning away from my pleading gaze. "James, I don't think you realize that I know what you're going through. I know what it's like to be abandoned by a…a sibling and wonder every day for many years why they didn't bother to write or reach out to you. Even if it's just to say good-bye."

"Lily, please spare me the psychology lesson," I pleaded. I winced slightly. My anger was towards Wyatt, not Lily.

She sighed. "He's your brother, James."

"No, you see, that's where you're wrong," I grumbled. "He hasn't been my brother in eight and a half years. If he was really my brother, he would have been there to support us when Brite died. He would have been there for us when Dad left. He would have been by our side as we waited for news on JT's kidnapping. And he would have been at JT's funeral. He's no brother of mine. And he can't just waltz back into our lives and pretend as if he is!"

She placed her hand on my knees like she so often did to attempt to comfort me. "I don't think he expects anything from you all. He just wanted to see you."

I quickly turned away from her sympathetic expression. "No, actually, he…he didn't," I murmured, the words catching in my throat.

I could feel her scrutinizing gaze on me. "What?"

"He didn't want to see me. He came to talk to Mom and Dad before planning on disappearing again," I muttered, shaking my head in disbelief. I slowly shoved Lily's hands off my knees and stood up. "And fine. If that's what he wants, so be it. I say good riddance."

She cocked her head to the side. "Liar."

I fixed my stare on her. "Pardon?"

"You don't mean good riddance," she argued, pursing her lips hesitantly. "Yes, you're angry. But it seems to me you're upset, too. Upset that he came back and _didn't _want to see you. That hurts more than the fact that he's been gone these past eight and a half years."

I swallowed hard, staring at her in awe. Sometimes I hated that she knew me so well. "You don't know anything."

"Or maybe I know everything," she whispered, reaching for my hand and squeezing it tightly. "I know you're angry. I know you're upset. I know you're confused and I know you're hurt. But most of all, I know you're afraid."

"_What_? Afraid of what?"

The palm of her hand crept up to my hair, pushing it comfortingly back from my face. "It's what we're all inevitably afraid of," she said softly. "You're afraid of getting hurt."

"What?"

She offered her usual lopsided smile filled with sympathy. She clarified. "You're afraid of letting Wyatt back in because what happens if you do and he hurts you again. What happens if you lose him again."

"I've already lost him," I whispered.

Tears welled in her eyes and she leaned over and kissed me. A quick, light kiss. A kiss that was just meant for her to show me she loved me. "I know you've been through a lot with your family," she said, framing my face with her hands. "You've…you've lost a lot. But you haven't lost Wyatt. Not yet. He's alive. And you should be thankful of that."

"I am," I admitted in a small voice. "But that doesn't mean I can forgive him."

She sighed and I hoped she realized that she couldn't convince me otherwise. "Okay," she murmured, dropping her hands from my face and sitting back.

"Okay?"

She shrugged. "It's your brother. It's your family. It's your life. I wasn't there eight years ago so I don't really think I should be the one to try and persuade you to talk to him."

"Good," I said, somewhat unconvinced.

She hesitated. "But can I just say one last thing?"

Why was I not surprised? I sighed. "Yeah."

She slowly climbed off the couch, grabbing our now-empty beer bottles. "As much as you'd like to think differently, Wyatt _is_ your brother. And as much as you'd like to think you've lost him, you haven't. Because he's still alive. You have an opportunity for a second chance with him. A second chance that you unfortunately don't get to have with Brite or Jaron." She set her gaze on me, hope in her eyes. "With everything that's happened to you, you need your family now more than ever. And whether you like it or not, that includes Wyatt."

As I stared at her, I had a strong desire to tell her what Dumbledore had told me in her hospital room. About Voldemort going after me and everyone around me. But I didn't. I didn't want to worry her any more than I had to.

Lily headed back into the kitchen while I sat digesting her words, confused and angry and upset. But most of all, afraid. Lily had been right. I was scared out of my mind. But not necessarily for the reasons Lily thought. Yes, I was afraid of letting Wyatt back in. But it wasn't because I was afraid he might disappear again. It was because I was afraid of watching him die. Voldemort has made it pretty damned clear he didn't care about anyone in my family and he would do anything to destroy us. He was out to get me. And he was out to get my family. And like Lily said, that included Wyatt. It was hard enough forgiving Wyatt. But how could I ever possibly forgive _myself _if I did let Wyatt back into my life and he ended up dead because of it? My life was a complete and total mess. And I had no desire to invite anyone else into it if I didn't have to.

But I did need answers. I just hoped I wouldn't regret the answers once given to me.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

I was finally glad to slip away from Potter Manor. I don't know how I got sucked into helping Lily put together her new dresser, but somehow I did. It was probably the pizza and beer. Everyone else had left long before I did, but I didn't mind sticking around. After what had happened with Lily and James over the weekend, a part of me realized that life was so short. And they were both not only so lucky to be alive but they were lucky that they had each other by their side. It just reminded me how much I had really lost the day Jillian walked away from me. It wasn't just love I lost, it was companionship and support. Something that I really missed. And it was easier busying myself with construction than admitting I was lonely.

I walked into my flat expecting Sirius to have some half-drunk, half-naked girl there. What I wasn't expecting was Keegan. "Keegan?"

She turned around, startled. "Oh, hey, Remus."

My eyebrow shot up. "'Oh hey?'" I repeated with a snort. "That's it?"

She gazed at me, confused. "What more is there?"

"How about an explanation as to why _you're _the one sitting on my living room couch drinking our beer?" I snickered.

She glanced down at the beer in her hand, looking slightly shocked. As if she couldn't remember getting a beer. "Well, I prefer to drink my beer, not throw it at the wall," she said, nodding towards the opposite side of the room where a broken bottle rest on the floor, surrounded by small pools of beer.

"Sirius?" I asked.

She nodded. "Yeah, we…er…we kinda got into a fight."

"No surprise there," I snorted, rolling my eyes.

"No, this was a big one," she sighed. She actually looked distraught. I was intrigued. "He stormed out. My guess is he's at Blarney's right now."

"He stormed out of his own flat?" I asked curiously. "What did you guys argue about?"

A flicker of regret sparkled in her eyes. "Nothing," she murmured, shrugging. "How was moving in Lily?"

I hesitated, but eventually shrugged. "Oh, it was thrilling," I joked, letting the subject change happen. "You missed out on some good times."

She chuckled as I headed into the kitchen for my own beer. I hesitated before saying, "Fabian stopped by for a bit."

Silence came from the living room. "Please tell me he wasn't trying to help move in furniture. He's still recovering from the attack."

I wanted to ask her how she would know that since she never bothered showing up at the hospital, but I held my tongue. "Nah, he just wanted to stop in and see how James and Lily were doing."

"Ah."

"I think a part of him thought you might be there."

Another round of silence. "I was busy cleaning up my flat after Lily took all of her stuff out."

"Or maybe you were trying to avoid Fabian." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

She didn't respond, but I didn't expect her to.

"Want a beer?" I asked.

"No, still working on this one."

I opened the refrigerator to sift for a beer, wondering what was going on between Keegan and Fabian. It was evident that Keegan was hesitant about something, that had always been evident, but I had a feeling she wasn't willing to share what the hesitance was about. And I wondered if Fabian was going to be able to take it much anymore.

"Remus?" I heard her say a few minutes later.

"Hm?" I murmured, reaching for a beer.

"I-I just wanted to say how truly sorry I am how…how things turned out for you and Jillian."

Silence engulfed me. I was completely taken aback by the unexpected comment, not sure how to take it. Time passed but neither of us spoke. There wasn't much to say. Her words said it all.

Eventually, I slowly walked out towards the living room, my eyes singling her out. "What brought that up?"

She shrugged awkwardly. "I just…I've been thinking about it a lot."

My eyebrows shot up. "You've been thinking about me and Jillian a lot?" I snorted defensively.

"No," she corrected. "I've been thinking about…" She hesitated, sipping her beer. "About heartbreak."

"Hm," I murmured, plopping on to the lounge chair. "How depressing."

She forced out a smile. "Maybe."

I cocked my head to the side curiously. "What's going on, Keegan?"

She opened her mouth but said nothing. I saw hesitance in her eyes again.

I didn't question her further. Honestly, Keegan and I have never been that close and I didn't think it was my place to interrogate her about something that probably wasn't any of my business. While we had started out as really good friends, I've felt a bit of distance grow between us in the last few months. I have no idea what it was that caused the detachment, but I've never tried finding the answers. Like I said, it wasn't my place to interrogate her.

"Fabian and I broke up."

My mouth dropped open. "What? When?"

"Tonight."

"Oh," I said, cringing. "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, me too," she murmured.

She sounded it, but she didn't look it. "You okay?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted. "Worse now after talking to Black about it."

Did I just hear her correctly? She was talking to Sirius about her break-up? "Er…what?"

She sighed. "Yeah, I know, sounds strange."

Beyond strange.

"But…but it isn't that strange at all," she said in a soft voice. "Because I know he's been there. In the worst way possible."

"What are you babbling about?"

She gazed at me determinedly. "With Riley."

I hesitated, a bit surprised. "Oh, no," I muttered. "Please tell me it wasn't Riley you two fought about."

She winced, turning away from me. "Er…maybe?"

I groaned, shaking my head. No offense, but who did she think she was discussing Riley with Sirius? It wasn't her business and she had no idea what he had gone through. "That wasn't really your place, Keegan," I sighed.

She hesitated, a flicker of remorse in her eye. "Maybe not, but I know what it feels like," she murmured, meeting my gaze. "To lose the love of your life."

Ah, hence the mention of Jillian. "Fabian was the love of your life?"

I saw panic in her eyes. "No, I'm not talking about Fabian," she sighed, swallowing hard.

Confusion set in. "Then what are you talking about?"

"Nothing," she murmured, quickly shaking her head. "Forget I mentioned it. I-I really don't want to talk about it."

"And yet, you talked about it with Sirius?" I snorted. "A guy who you've butted heads with since day one."

She bit down on her bottom lip, staring down at the beer in her hand pensively. "Only because when I met him, I saw a lot of myself in him. A lot of myself I…I don't particularly like," she murmured. I was shocked by the comment. I never would have thought she'd admit she and Sirius Black had similar qualities. The rest of us have seen it, but I didn't realize she had, too. She hesitantly glanced up at me, meeting my curious gaze. She opened her mouth slowly and said cautiously, "Truth is, Remus, if I hadn't known you and Jillian as a couple, I would very much butt heads with you in the same way I butt heads with Black."

"What?"

She swallowed hard. "Because that look in your eye? The longing, wistful, vacantlook in your eye? That's the same one I see in Black. It's the same one I see in…" she trailed off, but I had a feeling that sentence ended with 'myself.'

I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. I have tried so desperately to shun my past and it was clear that Keegan was actually struggling to face hers. "So exactly what does that have to with _you_ not getting along with _Sirius_? How is it a single _look _can make you dislike someone so much? What are you so afraid of?"

She stiffened. "I don't know," she admitted in a small voice. "But I'm trying to figure it out."

"By bringing up a part of Sirius, and _my_, past that we want to avoid thinking about?" I snorted, probably a little harsher than necessary.

She sighed. "Never mind," she murmured. "I can tell you want me to shut up, and I learned my lesson earlier with Sirius, so just forget I said anything about it."

I couldn't figure her out. It was as if there was a strong part of her that wanted to talk about heartbreak (what heartbreak she's been through, I have no idea), and then another part of her who simply wanted to forget it. I wasn't sure which part I wanted to deal with. So I said what was on my mind. "Look, Keegan, I have no idea what has happened to you in the past and what that has to do with Sirius' or _my _past. But I'd really like to keep…keep Jillian in my past if you don't mind."

"I really wish people would stop saying that it's all in the past," she sighed. "Because it's not."

I gazed at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"The people—er, the person that you are today has everything to do with the person you used to be, the person you unfortunately lost the moment that Jillian left."

I frowned, wondering exactly what Keegan possibly could have gone through. But I knew better than to ask outright. Heartbreak was a tricky subject to discuss. "You sound like you really do know what you're talking about," I muttered curiously.

She shrugged. "Yeah. Maybe."

"And maybe I did lose a bit of who I was when Jillian left," I said bravely. "But for three years, she was my life. She was everything. And then suddenly one day, she…she wasn't. It's not easy losing the person your world revolved around. It's even harder losing yourself."

"No, unfortunately the easy part _is _losing yourself," she said softly, her eyes migrating towards the broken beer bottle on the floor that evidently Sirius had thrown. "The hard part is finding your way back."

Her words were barely audible, but I heard them loud and clear. Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes were filled with a jumble of confusion and remorse, and the frown on her face showed true grief. All emotions I knew everything about. "Yeah," I said softly, not taking my eyes off of her. "I know."

She quickly turned to me, all of the confusion and remorse and grief stricken from her gaze. It was replaced with her usual stiff indifference. "I should get going," she muttered. I swore I saw guilt in her eyes, but she turned her back on me before I could read anything into it. "Thanks for the beer, Remus."

"Er…I didn't give it to you. You kinda stole it."

She chuckled lightly. "Right," she said. "Well, thanks anyway."

"You going to be okay?" I blurted out.

She hesitated, pulling out her wand from her back pocket to clean up Sirius' broken beer bottle. "Sure," she eventually said dismissively, heading towards the front door.

That 'sure' sounded an awful lot like a 'no,' but I didn't push it. She and Fabian just broke up. Of course she wasn't feeling okay. "I'll see you later?"

She froze, her hand on the doorknob. I stared at her curiously, wondering why the question seemed to make her uncomfortable. She turned around to face me and a look of guilt was displayed evidently on her face. "Sure."

Okay, that time that 'sure' _definitely _sounded like a 'no.' "Keegan," I said, stopping her before she could disappear.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry to hear about you and Fabian. But that doesn't change the fact that you're still our friend. Just because Fabian is, too, doesn't mean you're not anymore now that you two broke up."

She turned around, surprise etched on her face. She opened her mouth to comment but shut it quickly thereafter. A slow, hesitant smile appeared on her face. "Thank you, Remus," she said before disappearing into the hallway.

Keegan was a very difficult person to read, but it was clear there was a lot she was hiding. Not only from us but from herself. Like myself, like Sirius, I could tell she often felt lost and alone. I just hope that some day she would find her way back to the person she used to be. Just like I hoped one day Sirius would find his way back.

I sighed. Just like I hoped one day I would, too.

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

What the hell was the matter with me? First, I attempt to have a conversation with Sirius that never should have been brought up. I then tried to do the same with Remus. Two people who I have actively distanced myself from over the last few months and I chose the worst topic in history to try and relate to them with? Seriously, what the hell was the matter with me?

It was as if I was trying to find reasons and excuses to stay instead of trying to convince myself of reasons and excuses to leave like I had in the past.

To put it bluntly, I was scared. I was scared of staying. But I was even more scared of running. How much longer could I try to go on like this? I couldn't run and hide from myself forever. Maybe this was my opportunity to try to implicate a new tradition. A tradition of not packing up my things when things start to go wrong.

But as I wandered back into my apartment, I knew that I would focus on the traditions I was used to. I couldn't stay.

I guess I was going to give Sirius his wish. I was going to pack my things. I was going to leave and never come back. I was going to run away and hide from the truth.

It's all I've ever really been good at.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

I was still in the living room when Sirius ventured back into our apartment, smelling like alcohol.

"Hey," I greeted.

Sirius merely grunted, plopping down on to the armchair to my left with a sigh.

"So, I heard Keegan stopped by earlier."

Sirius met my gaze. "We are so not discussing her, Moony," he snapped.

I shrugged. "You alright?"

His eyes narrowed. "She told you what we argued about, didn't she."

"No, not really."

He glared at me. "But the gist?"

I hesitated. "Maybe a little."

"What right does she have dredging up my past?" he scowled, his brow furrowing irritably. "She knows nothing about it. She doesn't get to try to make herself feel better about her own break-up by focusing on mine."

I frowned broodingly. "I don't know if she was trying to make herself feel better about her break-up with Fabian," I pointed out.

Sirius shook his head, slowly climbing off the chair and heading into his own room. "No, she definitely wasn't talking about her break-up with Fabian."

He shut his door behind him, leaving me there quite confused.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" I cried out.

All I got in return was silence.

* * *

**A/N: **Yeah, like I said, not my favorite chapter. A tad boring and definitely a filler - I'm just trying to build Keegan's character more and ease you into the Wyatt storyling. But I'll try to update sooner rather than later so you have something to really look forward to! Be patient with Keegan. And there's more of Wyatt to come. And more of James and Lily of course! Stay tuned.


	14. Of Kumbaya, Vodka, & Liaisons

**A/N: **Sorry to confuse anyone but I'm just reposting this chapter due to some grammar I noticed when rereading it today. I will be posting chapter 15 tonight SO STAY TUNED!

Alright so I know I said I would update sooner rather than later. And then I had to go home unexpectedly for two weeks so that kinda got thrown out the window. I am almost done editing the next chapter so I should be able to upload that chapter within the next couple of weeks (barring any other unexpected trips home...). This chapter isn't long by any means but a WHOLE lot of information is provided! Seriously, jam-packed with info. So much that you should probably just stop reading this and move on to the chapter.

**Disclaimer**: J.K. Rowling how I love thee and your HP world. Too bad I own nothing from it.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 14: Of Kumbaya, Vodka, & Liaisons

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

James walked into our cubicle surprisingly early, his coffee attached to his right hand.

"How was moving?" I asked politely. I've been attempting to get on James' good side after being so vague with him over the weekend.

He didn't respond, turning his back on me.

I hesitated. "Potter?"

"Why is it that you're always here before I am?" he grunted. "Even when I get up an hour earlier than usual?"

I neglected to tell him that I was somewhat of an insomniac and was often in the office before 6:00 in the morning. "I'm an early riser," I said instead.

"Whatever."

Okay, he was clearly in a foul mood. "You alright?"

"Just peachy."

Sarcasm dripped from his words. "Er…okay," I murmured. "Can you hand me that file on the Lestranges?"

"What, don't have their entire background memorized?" he snorted. "Since you seem to know Death Eaters so well."

I hesitated, not sure I liked the implication. My brow furrowed. "What?"

"Just forget it," he snapped.

Confusion filled my mind. I repeated my earlier question. "Seriously, Potter, are you okay?"

I sensed tension in his every move. "Like you care."

Ouch. "Okay, what is _with _you?" I muttered. "Must you be so cynical so early in the morning?"

"Oh, sorry if I'm not being Mr. Nice Guy right now but I had one hell of a night," he retaliated, whirling around in his chair.

I hesitated. "What happened to Moving Day?"

"The move went fine," he snapped, glaring at me. "It's what happened _after_ I'm not so thrilled about. And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking."

I stared at him blankly. "I _don't _know what you're talking about."

"You? The woman who seems to know everything about my family before even I do?" he scoffed, his glare intensifying by the second. "I highly doubt that."

"You mind informing me what the hell you're rambling about?" I snapped.

He glared at me, heated rage bulging from his eyes. "Do you enjoy keeping secrets, Lafevre? Do you enjoy torturing me with your lies and suspicions? Do you sit in bed every night to come up with ways to positively torment me with your secretive past and even more secretive _present_?"

Alright, I did not appreciate being attacked whatsoever. "What the hell is your problem? You might want to start making sense if you expect some answers from me!"

"HAH!" he scoffed, amusement dancing in his eyes. "I've learned not to expect a single damned thing from you, Lafevre."

"Yeah, you're making that pretty bloody clear!" I snapped.

"Don't turn this around on me!" he growled.

"I'm not turning around on you!" I cried out, throwing my hands in the air. "Mostly because I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!"

"I'm talking about the fact that you seem to know everything that's going on with my own damned family but refuse to tell me _why_! You seem to be right smack in the middle of my bloody family drama and I can't figure out how you play into that!" His voice reverberated off the walls.

"I don't know anything _about _your family drama!" I shouted. "Nor do I particularly want to!"

He let out a loud laugh, filled with cynicism and scorn. "How about the fact that you showed up at the scene of my sister's kidnapping without so much as a good explanation? Or how about the fact that you somehow know my brother, Wyatt?" he barked. "Did you also know that he showed up on my _doorstep _last night!?"

My whole body froze in shock but before I could even attempt to comment, Mad-Eye Moody showed up out of nowhere. "Both of you in Conference Room B _now_," he growled, whirling around and heading in that direction.

I glanced briefly over at James, but he was already swiftly following Moody. I remained frozen on the spot before my legs subconsciously took me to where they needed to.

I plopped into an empty seat, my eyes fixed on James the entire time. I couldn't imagine what was going through his head if Wyatt had showed up on his doorstep the night before. I was unbelievably shocked, that's for sure. I was under the impression that it would take a long time for Wyatt to be able to escape.

"You mind telling me why you two thought it would be best to scream at each other at six-thirty in bloody morning?" Moody barked, his eyes blazing with frustration.

James merely shrugged, indifference displayed on his face. I was too busy staring at him to even acknowledge Moody.

He let out an irritated grunt. "You two are not acting like two of the best Aurors in this Department, you're acting like _children," _he cried out. "And I don't care what it is you two are rowing about and I don't care that you two can't seem to get along with each other and I don't care what it is you guys don't like about each other. All I care about is that this feud is going to stop right now. I refuse to work with children. If you can't actuallyget along I at least expect you two to act like you can."

I finally glanced up at Moody, feeling slightly ashamed. I was more mature than the person I've been acting around James. I have no idea what it is about him that got to me, but I needed to let him stop getting to me. I was better than that.

Moody's next words made me groan. "Now, don't come out of this conference room until you two work it out."

Great. We'd be stuck there for weeks. Years even. I glanced up at him and noted the strain of grief in his eyes. "Wyatt really returned last night?" I blurted out.

He shot me a look. "Eight years may have gone by but I know what my brother looks like."

"No, I know," I muttered, mostly to myself as I mused over the news. "I'm just…surprised. Regulus was under the impression that it would take a while until Wyatt would be able to escape without suspicion."

His whole body froze, his mouth slowly dropping open. It looked as if he was going to say something but was finding it impossible. "Regulus?" he finally got out.

Oh, shit. "Potter, I-"

"As in Regulus Black?"

Oh, shit. "No?"

He glared at me. "Damnit, why do I always feel like there's more to every story I'm given?" he murmured inwardly. He stole a glance my way, clearly needing to ask me something but far too afraid to. Eventually, he cleared his throat and turned to face me. "I'm going to ask you this once," he said, his words shaky and wary. "And I just want a yes or no answer."

I could only nod.

"Was Wyatt a Death Eater?"

I stiffened, my eyes growing wide in fear. "No. Er…well, kinda," I said hesitantly. "Partly yes but mostly no. At least not like you think. He was-"

"I believe I asked for a yes or no answer!" he barked.

I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling very small. And it took a lot for me to feel small. "It's not that simple."

"Make it that simple."

On one hand, I wanted to blurt out my whole life story. I wanted to tell him all the secrets that I have kept inside thus far. I wanted to make him feel less lost and confused. But on the other hand, I knew I thought about the consequences of telling him everything I knew. He'd no longer just be James. He'd be James with a history of burden suddenly put on his shoulders. And he didn't deserve it. He deserved to live his life. Not fear it.

So I told him the only thing he'd already figured out, keeping the rest of the story at bay. "Wyatt had been receiving letters for two years from a Tom inviting-"

"Him to join the Dark Lord?"

I glanced up at him in surprise. "Uh…yeah," I said slowly.

"And he said yes."

"No," I quickly argued, shaking my head. "Merlin, no. He said no a hundred times over."

He stared at me in confusion. "I'm not stupid. I can put two and two together. You're sitting here telling me that _Regulus _told you he couldn't escape. Well, who the hell did Regulus work for?" he snorted, glaring at me. "I know that Wyatt worked for Voldemort."

"That's where you're wrong," I was quick to contest. "It…it wasn't Voldemort he worked for."

He sighed. "Then who the hell did he work for?"

I paused, my eyes migrating towards the shut door. "How much did Wyatt tell you?"

"He wouldn't tell me anything," he said impatiently, shaking his head. "Which is why I'm asking you. I know there's a connection between you guys that neither of you seem to want to relay to me. But I'm so sick and tired of being right smack in the middle of all these lies and this deception. I deserve the truth, don't I?"

"You also deserve to live your life," I retaliated almost immediately.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means there's a reason all of these secrets have been kept from you," I admitted. "There's a reason people are deceiving you, myself included. _Wyatt _included."

"This is my life we're talking about here!" he cried out. "These are my _friends' _lives and my _family's _lives we're talking about. I don't care if you're all convinced I'm better off in the dark because damnit, I want to know!"

"Haven't you ever been told you can't get everything you want?" I said desperately, the cliché response out of my mouth before I could stop it.

He frowned, running his fingers through his hair like he so often did when he felt stressed and overwhelmed. I may have only known the guy a few weeks, but that's a telltale sign he was on the verge of a breakdown and desperately trying to stop it. "Do you honestly think that any of this is what I _want_?" he spoke in a deep, regretful tone. "You think I wanted to be estranged from my brother for eight years? You think I wanted to mourn the loss of my older brother and my younger brother? You think I enjoyed watching my father walk out on us? You think I wanted Wyatt to return unexpectedly without so much as a goddamned answer? Do you _honestly _think I _want_ to live in a world where people are dying every bloody day and Death Eaters are roaming around as if they own us?"

"James-"

"I didn't want any of this," he snapped, his voice on the verge of hysterics. "But welcome to my life. This is _my _life. Not yours, not Wyatt's, not Voldemort's. _Mine_. And if you have some sort of information regarding it, I don't think I'm in the wrong to ask you to give it to me."

I frowned hesitantly, wishing I could truly understand what he was thinking or feeling. Maybe a strong part of me did but the panicked look on his face told me was far more overwhelmed than even I could possibly imagine.

"Lafevre," he said softly, and I jearked my head up to face him guiltily. He met my gaze slowly. "I'm sitting here _begging _you for answers. And I'm not one to beg. Please, just talk to me."

I hesitated, recognizing his vulnerability for only the second time since I've met him. The first was when I saw him sitting by Lily's bedside. "James," I said softly, his first name sounding foreign on my lips. "I want you to know that all the questions in your head about me and…and Wyatt and Regulus and everyone and everythingelse you're wondering about are all legitimate. But, and I'm not saying this to be mean or aggravating or confusing or heartless, you _are _better off not knowing. You have to know that I truly believe that. Me keeping secrets or Wyatt keeping secrets isn't about us. It's about you. Protecting you. Saving you from any more danger. And I'm sorry if I showed up and turned your world upside down. I'm sorry if Wyatt showing up out of the blue last night made you feel lost and confused. I'm sorry that your sister and brother-in-law nearly died and you're no closer to finding out why than you were Saturday afternoon. I'm sorry if you feel like horrible tragedies keep happening to you and I'm sorry if you feel like your world is falling apart," I said regretfully, an unexpected rush of grief for the future that lay ahead of James overwhelming me. "But the moment I give you the answers to all your questions, your world _will _fall apart. And I don't know if I can do that. I don't know if I can be the one to cause more pain to you than you've already had to deal with. It's not fair to you."

He stared at me in surprise, probably not expecting a huge speech from me. Then again, I hadn't been expecting it either. "I've learned that my life will always be unfair," he said softly. "I've stopped hoping and wishing and praying that things will turn around for me. I know that will never happen. The only thing I can wish for now is answers."

"I don't know if I'm the right person to give you answers."

"No one else will, Sydny," he pleaded, desperation seeping from his words. I was thrown by the use of my first name. I had been so used to his amusing nicknames. He locked eyes with mine and I found it impossible to turn away. "Please. I need to know."

Maybe I was being selfish or just feeling guilty, but the pleading, concerned look on his face made me unable to talk more about the tragedies of his past and his present. Even his future. Somehow, James has turned me soft. "I'm not the best person to give you what you're looking for," I said slowly, biting down on the inside of my lip.

Rage shown in his eyes. "Damnit, Lafevre, I hate you for-"

"Let me finish," I interrupted, shooting him a cool glare. "_I _don't think I should give you all the answers," I said irritably. "But I can get you in touch with the person who can."

He pursed his lips hesitantly, his eyes narrowing out of curiosity. "And who's that?"

"Wyatt."

His eyes clouded with scorn. "I _don't_ want to talk to him."

"I know he's wronged you and your family," I said softly. "And I know he hasn't been there for you when you needed him over the past eight years. And I realize that he's hurt you in ways nobody should be hurt. But-"

"There's no but," he retaliated, glaring at me. "He left. He walked out on his family. Without an explanation or a good-bye. And I am sick and tired of everyone in my life thinking they can get away with that!"

I hesitated, slowly meeting his gaze. There was rage and frustration staring back at me. But mostly there was grief. "Who else left?"

He stiffened, his eyes widening with guilt. I knew then that these feelings of heartbreak and the inability to forgive were not just harbored toward Wyatt. There seemed to be unsettled wounds that were fighting to bleed out. And Wyatt showing up was just the beginning. "This is about Wyatt."

"No, apparently this is about more than just Wyatt," I said curiously. I'd definitely have to look into this. "This is about people in general leaving. Not just Wyatt, am I right?"

"Don't pretend like you know me or that you can read me. I'm not your puppet and I refuse to play by _your _games," he snapped, glaring at me. I could tell he was trying his best to keep his cool. His fists were clenched and he continued to take short, frustrated breaths. "I don't know what in bloody hell Moody expects from us, but there's not a change in hell that I will ever get along with you."

"Hm, seems that I've hit a nerve."

"Go to hell, Lafevre!" he scowled, slamming his palms against the table and jumping up from his chair. He strode over to the door, ready to get the hell away from me.

"James, wait," I said softly.

He whirled around, his glare filled with loathing and fear. "You don't know what it's like, Lafevre," he barked. "To lose the people you love. To lose so much of what has made you the person you are. To…to lose everything you've ever known. And as a result…" he trailed off, letting the words catch in his throat.

"Lose yourself?" I whispered all-too-knowingly.

He met my gaze in surprise. "Look," he said coolly, "Moody was right about one thing. We need to at least act like we can get along."

"Okay…" I said cautiously. "Is this just your way of avoiding the topic of conversation?"

"Yes," he said, cracking a forced smile. "So please go along with it."

I sighed. "Can I at least say one thing?"

"No."

I shot him a look.

"But I have a feeling you're going to tell me anyway." He slowly fell into his seat again.

"You know me well," I snorted, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes. "I know you have no desire to speak to Wyatt and frankly, I don't blame you. But he's in danger. And he will have to go into hiding just to keep himself alive. So if you want all of these answers you so desperately seek, you need to act now. He's the one person who can help you. So as much as it might pain you to realize, you need him."

"Don't waste your time reaching out to him. I'm not going to see him."

I was getting increasingly frustrated with James. Did he not realize that he wasn't the only one feeling lost and alone in the world? That he wasn't the only one who didn't feel in control of his own life? That he couldn't control the lives of those around him? There have been hundreds of people who unfortunately died at the hands of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. And there have been hundreds of families and friends affected because of it. "You might be the most stubborn person I've ever met," I murmured irritably.

"I'm allowed to be stubborn after the shit he's put us through," he growled.

"Maybe he had a good reason."

"There is _no _good reason for someone just walking away without a goodbye or an explanation! My family deserved better than that, Lafevre. _I _deserve better than that."

"Do you enjoy living your life in self-pity, Potter?" I snorted.

He was clearly taken aback by the harsh reality of my words. He stared at me, his eyes softening with regret. "You don't understand," he eventually said hollowly.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that maybe I _do _understand?" I cried out, throwing my hands up in the air. "Maybe I do know what it's like to live your life in self-pity. To wonder why tragedy had to strike you. To cry yourself to sleep at night hoping that one day everything you're fighting for will be worth it. Maybe I do know what it's like to lose the people closest to you. And as a result, lose yourself. To wonder if you'll ever go back to being the person you used to be. The happy, carefree person who didn't live their life in constant worry. Maybe I do know what it's like to not feel in control of your own damned future or your own damned destiny. To sometimes feel like you're standing in the middle of a crowded room _screaming _at the top of your lungs and no one is even acknowledging your presence. Maybe I do know what it's like to constantly feel as if no one will ever understand you! As if no one will know the pain and heartbreak you've endured." My frustration was quickly seeping into remorse and I tried hard to keep the façade of stability going. But I could feel myself breaking, thoughts of my family swarming through my head. I pushed the memories of them away quickly, refusing to go back to that dark place of my life.

I turned back to face him, not surprised by the confused shock on his face. "Maybe I do know what it feels like to never believe in forgiveness, Potter. That forgiveness just shows weakness and vulnerability. Maybe I know what it's like to have so much pent-up anger and frustration building up inside of you that you can't possibly get rid of no matter how much you try. Anger and frustration towards those who have harmed you. Anger and frustration towards those who don't understand. Anger and frustration towards every little comment sent your way that you find ridiculous. Anger and frustration towards yourself for being so damned angry and frustrated! For being so bloody blind-sided by anger and frustration you can't even begin to appreciate the good things in your life. Maybe I do know what it feels like to…to believe that those good things won't last long. Because what else has?" My thumb instinctively reached for the band of the ring that resided on my right hand's ring finger. A ring that had been given to me by my mother. "Maybe I do know what it feels like to have your heart ripped from your chest and stomped on a hundred times over. To wonder why you bothered trying to do any good in a world filled with so much bad. To wonder if you're even making a difference anymore as an Auror. Maybe I know what it feels like to believe that no matter what you do to try and protect the wizarding world, people are still going to die. And a part of you will always blame yourself. Maybe, _just maybe_, James Potter, you're not the only one who has to deal with tragedy! Maybe, _just maybe_, there are other people in this world who are just as lost and angry and confused and hurting as you are!"

Anger coursed through my veins as I instinctively rushed out of my chair towards the door. I had absolutely no desire to sit in a room with Potter anymore. If he wanted to be selfish and wallow in self-pity, he could go right ahead. But I, for one, was not going to sit and watch him self-destruct. I already witnessed myself going down that road and that was painful enough. I couldn't watch someone else do it, too. I knew what it felt like to hit rock-bottom. But what James didn't realize is that he wasn't there yet. He still had a long way to go to hit rock-bottom.

"Lafevre, wait."

I don't know why I did it, but my hand stopped on the doorknob. "_What_?"

"How…how is it possible you know exactly how I'm feeling?"

Hm, interesting. Admitting weakness. That was very unlike James. Then again, it was very unlike me as well and I sorta just revealed way too much about myself. I chose to avoid the question. "Look, Potter," I murmured, my eyes remaining stoic on the door in front of me o as to avoid eye contact with him, "If you want to continue wallowing in self-pity because you don't have the answers that you're looking for, then I can't stop you. But if you want to get up off your sorry ass and actually _get _those answers that you clearly desire, then you can meet your brother at the Dragonfly Pub tonight at seven o'clock."

Silence filled the room and I slowly turned around to face him. He was staring at me, uncertainty in his eyes. "What if I don't like the answers Wyatt gives me?"

I frowned. "Truth?"

"Please."

"You probably won't," I blurted out, wincing guiltily. "But maybe it's time to stop being so afraid and start facing…" I trailed off, shrugging curtly.

"Facing what?"

I gazed up at him. "Everything."

Realization settled in, his face softening into defeat. "He really is after me, isn't he."

I didn't have to ask who 'he' was. It was obvious James was referring to Voldemort. I could only nod.

"Why?" he dared to ask. "Why me?"

"I-I don't know," I chimed in immediately. A lie. I hesitated. "But I know who might."

A light scowl appeared on his face. "You really think Wyatt has all the answers?"

No. Dumbledore had all the answers. Moody had all the answers. But it all started back with Wyatt. And he was the only one who might actually be willing to tell James everything. "Just meet with him," I pleaded.

He sighed, rubbing his temples. "I'll think about it."

Well, it was better than a resounding 'no.'

"Now, I think there is one question that only you will have the answer to," he continue, his eyes focusing in on me.

"Hm?"

"What the hell happened to you in the past to make _you _feel lost and alone and confused and angry?"

I froze, trying hard not to show any panic on my face. "I never said anything about me feeling that way." Like he was going to believe that.

He rolled his eyes. "I read between the lines."

He read correctly. I tensed up slowly. "Don't go analyzing things you know nothing about."

"I'm not analyzing," he argued quickly. "I'm merely asking my partner a question."

"And I'm merely ignoring said question," I said, flashing him a smirk.

He rolled his eyes. He did that all too often. "Look, it's clear that we don't particularly like each other or even trust each other. I just think a little information about our backgrounds may actually do us some good."

No way was I telling him, or anyone, anything about my past. "Moody didn't say anything about holding hands, singing Kumbaya, and crying as we bonded over our pasts. He merely needs us to get along."

"Believe me, if I attempted to sing Kumbaya, we would only be bonding over the loss of our eardrums."

I attempted not to be amused, but the end of my mouths turned upwards. While Potter could really get on my nerves, he also knew how to lighten up a situation when needed. I found myself chuckling. "You're a piece of work sometimes, Potter."

He glanced up at me and I was shocked to see a light smile tugging at the edge of his mouth. "You're a piece of work all the time, Lafevre."

He laughed and I laughed, too. I was surprised to realize that that was the first time that we had shared a laugh together since I started with the British Auror Department. I had meant what I said—he was a piece of work. He was stubborn, he was arrogant, he didn't like to be challenged, he was controlling, he was full of so much rage, etc. The list goes on. But as I shared that laugh with him, I realized he reminded me of someone I used to know eight years earlier: myself.

"Lafevre?"

I shook my head of my past. "Hm?"

He hesitated, biting down on his bottom lip nervously. Which was unusual because James Potter didn't show nerves often. "I'm sorry for whatever happened to you in the past that made you feel lost and confused and hurt. And I'm sorry that you have to deal with those emotions again by watching _me _deal with those same emotions. That can't be easy. So I'm sorry."

My mouth dropped open slightly in awe. I wasn't expecting the macho James Potter to actually admit defeat, show sympathy, and inevitably apologize for something he didn't even have any control over. "Er…it's not your fault," I said lamely for lack of anything better to say.

He shrugged. "Maybe not whatever happened in the past but what's happening now _is _my fault. And what sucks about that is there's nothing I can do about it."

"Yeah, because it _isn't _your fault," I reassured. "So stop blaming yourself. Self-pity doesn't become you."

He frowned. "This isn't about me. It's about you. I-"

"No," I argued quickly, shaking my head. "It's about us. And what Moody said. We need to get along, Potter. So can we at least try?"

A smile crept on to his lips. "Maybe if you stop being such a bitch."

"Only if you stop being such a prick!"

He hesitated. "Hm, guess we're never getting along then."

I couldn't help but chuckle as I met his amused gaze. Suddenly, he was laughing too. Before I knew it, we were laughing together. And it felt good. We were never going to be best friends, that was for sure. But maybe we could at least attempt to realize that we were both fighting for the same thing: justice. And for that reason alone, I could never hate the guy.

In all honesty, I felt so sorry for the guy that hatred could never be at the forefront. I hated feeling sorry for him because pity wasn't going to change anything. Believe me, I knew. But it was really difficult watching someone head down a path of self-destruction. And it was even more difficult knowing there was nothing that I could do about it. He couldn't be saved like I had been saved. Or like Wyatt had been saved. Dumbledore already admitted that there was very little he could do to help James which is why he needed me here to keep an eye on him and the situation. But I felt like I was failing. I tried to help as much as I could, and I was grateful that I got to Dezzy and Drew in time, but that just left a whole bunch of unanswered questions in James' mind. And I know that I was being somewhat cowardly by not just manning up and telling him what was going on in his life. But, and this was a huge but, I've only met Wyatt twice and that was eight years ago. I had, and have, no idea why he decided to leave his family behind for a dangerous mission handed to him by Dumbledore. I knew the reason that I accepted Dumbledore's undertaking. It was my only option. I didn't have anyone or anything left to leave behind except those horrible pitying looks and the whispers behind my back and the judgments people made about me. And believe me, that was easy to leave behind. But I couldn't for the life of my figure out why someone would abandon their family willingly. Especially knowing what the mission was. Wyatt couldn't turn back time. He had abandoned his family and just because he was finally trying to escape Voldemort's hands didn't mean he could get that family back. He's probably lost them forever.

I just hoped that before that happened, he could at least give James some peace of mind. Because as much as I thought James was better off in the dark, it was time he was told the truth. And I couldn't think of a better person to do so than the long-lost brother who helped start this whole mess in the first place.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I hated that I was standing outside the Dragonfly Pub. I had weighed my options all day. Did I want to see Wyatt again after all the pain he's caused me and my family? Did I want to give Sydny the satisfaction of knowing that I had indeed caved and went to see Wyatt? Did I even really want the answers to the millions of questions building up inside my head?

I don't know about the first two, but sadly the answer to the last question was yes. I was tired of speculating and guessing and wondering. I was ready to just know. To know why Wyatt had left. To know how he and Sydny knew each other. To know why Sydny was sent to England. To know how Sydny knew Dumbledore. To know how Dumbledore was involved. To know why Voldemort was going after the people I loved. To know what Wyatt has been up to for the past eight years.

My eyes zoomed in on the back of Wyatt's head. He was sitting at the bar, gripping his beer a little too tightly and tapping his foot anxiously against the bar.

I slowly walked up behind him, my heart beating out of his chest. "Vodka soda," I said to the bartender. "Hold the soda."

The bartender quirked an eyebrow. "So you just want a shot of vodka," he said dryly.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, you can put the soda in it. But keep it on the lighter side."

The bartender smirked and walked away. Wyatt glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Didn't take you for a heavy drinker."

I hesitated. "Of course you didn't," I said pointedly. "You haven't been around to see me drink."

He frowned, turning away from me. "Right."

I sighed, sliding into the bar stood beside him. "Besides," I murmured, "It's been a rough couple of days. I think I'm allowed some hard liquor in my system."

He nodded. "Sure."

Silence overcame us. An awkward silence. I had no idea where to even begin and I had a feeling Wyatt was thinking the same. The bartender handed me my drink and it took everything within me not to just chug it all right then and there.

"I didn't think you'd come," Wyatt eventually spoke.

"I didn't think I'd come either," I admitted with a sigh. I glanced over at Wyatt, waiting until he turned to meet my gaze before adding, "But I need answers, Wyatt. And I'm hoping you'll give them to me."

He stiffened, finishing off the last sips of his beer. He gestured to the bartender to get him another. "Yeah, Sydny mentioned that you'd only stick around if I answered your questions. And I'm going to reiterate again, James, that trust me when I say, you're better off not knowing."

"Well, how about we start there," I scowled, ignoring his latter comment. "How the hell do you know Sydny?"

"I don't," he murmured. "Not well, at least. I've only met her twice really. And that was eight years ago. She's just…a liaison, I guess."

"Liaison?"

"Yeah," he muttered, shifting his weight on the bar stool uncomfortably. "A go-between."

"A go-between for who?"

He hesitated, thanking the bartender as he handed him another beer. "Well, myself, for one and…"

"And?"

"Maybe I should start at the beginning."

I rolled my eyes. "So far, your answers suck."

He nodded. "I know," he admitted with a sigh. "I just…I've never had to tell this story. I've only ever lived it. And I have a feeling that you're going to hate me after I do tell it to you so I'm sorry for not wanting to rush into it."

"Why should you care?" I muttered, not meaning it to sound mean. "As you pointed out so eloquently yesterday, you didn't come back to see me. So why should you even care if I choose to hate you?"

His eyes focused in heavily on the beer bottle in his hand, his jaw trembling slightly. "It's pretty clear you already hate me," he said softly. "And I don't blame you. But just because I didn't come back to see you doesn't mean I didn't _want _to come back to see you. For the past eight years, I've thought of nothing more than you and Dezzy and Brite and Grant and Jaron and Mom and Dad. I wish that I didn't leave the way that I did. I wish things would have ended differently. I wish that Voldemort would just leave our family the hell alone. But I can't change what I've done and I can't change Voldemort's mind about the Potters. Do I regret what I did? Perhaps. But I thought I was doing it to save you. And the rest of my family. Turns out, I was wrong. And for that, I'll never forgive myself."

"You thought you were doing _what _to save us?" I asked cautiously.

He took a deep breath in, taking a long swig of his beer, before turning to face me. "When I was about fifteen, I started receiving letters from-"

"Someone named Tom asking you to join the Dark Side?" I said hastily. I had heard this part of the story before. I wanted to hear the parts I've yet to be told.

He nodded. "Yeah. I ignored them for the most part. Stopped even reading them after a while."

My heart started beating faster. I had a pretty good feeling that he was about to tell me that somewhere down the line, he _did _join the Dark Side. And I couldn't for the life of me figure out how that would help him save his family.

"But a week before I was to graduate Hogwarts, I…I was summoned to Dumbledore's office."

Well, that threw me for a loop. "Dumbledore?"

He nodded. "Look, James, I'm not proud of what I did. I'm not even entirely proud of the reasons I did what I did. Because while a good portion of my reasoning was to save my family, the other portion was completely selfish."

"What did you do, Wyatt?" I demanded.

He pursed his lips, an awkward silence filling the air.

"Wyatt?"

"I joined Voldemort's army."

I was expecting him to say that but it still felt like someone knocked the wind out of me hearing the truth. I asked the only question I could form. "_Why_?"

"Dumbledore informed me that Tom had been writing Brite, too. And he, too, had been ignoring the letters. Well, the letters turned threatening for him. Tom was talking about coming after his family, his girlfriend, his friends. That Potter blood belonged with the Dark Arts and with Voldemort and he was starting with the eldest. That the Potters were too strong and powerful not to be on his side. And if he didn't choose the Dark Side, he wouldn't get to live at all. Needless to say, Brite was scared. He-"

"Brite talked to you about all this?" I asked, surprised.

"No," he murmured. "He…uh…he talked to his superior in the Auror Office."

My heart skipped a beat. "Who?"

Wyatt looked at me. Really looked at me. And I had a feeling he was about to tell me something I wasn't so sure I wanted to know. "Mad-Eye Moody."

I cursed under my breath. I knew he was in on this. "Is everyone in on this conspiracy theory but me?"

"It's not a conspiracy theory," he pleaded, shaking his head. "It's just…"

"Life?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He stiffened but eventually nodded. "Yeah."

I took another large gulp of my vodka soda. "Tell me more."

"Moody was the one who confided in Dumbledore. They've been working together since the very beginning. Since Voldemort started gaining power. And…and Dumbledore needed my help."

"How?"

He didn't even skip a beat. "He needed a Potter to join the Dark Side."

"Why didn't Brite do it?"

"He was already an Auror. And he had a girlfriend he wanted to marry. He had a life already made for him. He-"

"So, what? Just because you had less than Brite to leave behind it was alright for you to turn your back on your family, your friends, your _girlfriend_? To walk away from us all without so much as a goddamned good-bye?"

"I never said it was alright," he argued pleadingly. "But it was the only thing I could do."

"Because Brite was being threatened?"

"No, don't you get it, James? We were _all _being threatened! Voldemort was just starting with Brite. If I didn't join, he was going to go after you. Then Dezzy and Grant and Jaron. He was out for blood," he argued, glaring subtly at me. "He wanted all of us. Whether he wanted us for his army or he wanted us dead, I didn't know. I still don't know. But Dumbledore told me that he needed someone who was willing to work both sides. And he thought I was a good candidate."

I was seething inside at Dumbledore. How dare he upset my entire family? He knew this entire time where Wyatt was and he never once gave me insight. I was pissed. "And you thought because Dumbledore asked you, you had no other choice?"

He shook his head. "No. This wasn't about Dumbledore. It was about me. I…I think Dumbledore asked me because he knew I'd say yes. Not just because I would protect my family, but because… " he trailed off, the words caught in his throat.

"Because why?" I asked, clinking the ice in my glass impatiently.

Wyatt turned to me, a frown etched on his face. "Because of Dad."

He said it so bluntly it was as if I should have known what that meant. "What?"

He swallowed hard, his gaze returning to the bottle of beer in his hand. "Dad wanted me to be an Auror. There was no other option for me in his eyes. And-"

"You were going to be Auror," I reminded him, thinking back to eight years earlier when Wyatt had received his acceptance letter. "Weren't you?"

He hesitated, slowly shaking his head. "No," he murmured. "I only applied because Dad pressured me into it. But being an Auror was never my passion. I wanted to take time off, travel the world. I wanted to…to get away."

"Joining Voldemort's army was the way to do that?" I responded sarcastically.

He shot me a look.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"When I told Dad I wasn't going to be an Auror, he blew up. He told me I was a disgrace to the family, that I was a coward, too scared to follow in his footsteps and in Brite's footsteps, that he would never be proud of me the way he was proud of Brite. To him, being an Auror was the only thing a Potter could do. It was the only path. But to me? It was a death sentence."

Oh, the irony. "Oh, right, because joining Voldemort wasn't?"

He cringed. "James, ever since you were a kid, you wanted to be an Auror. Ever since I was a little kid? I just…wanted to stop living in the shadow of our perfect older brother."

"Don't smear Brite's name," I retaliated immediately.

"I'm not," he argued. "It's not condescending. It's fact. Brite was good at everything he did. And I was jealous of that. Not because he was perfect but because Dad knew he was perfect. And Dad was always proud of him. Dad pushed Brite to be the person he was. Maybe a little too much. And he tried pushing me. But…but I didn't want to be pushed. And Dad couldn't seem to understand that."

"So, let me guess," I said, sorting it out in my head, "You taking Dumbledore's offer was more about you just wanting to make a name for yourself so that you can be proud of something than it was about protecting us?"

He shot me a look. "Maybe I did want to be proud of myself for once. Maybe I did want to show our father that I wasn't a coward. Maybe I did want to prove to him and to myself that I could be noble. But those were all just secondary reasons to the idea that my family was in danger and maybe I was the only one who had the opportunity to protect them. This wasn't all about Dumbledore or Dad. In the end it was about me."

Frustration built up inside of me. "No, it was about all of us," I interrupted, swirling the contents of glass around impatiently. "Because when you left, it didn't just affect _you_. It affected me. It affected our parents. It affected our brothers and Dezzy. It affected your girlfriend at the time, Emma! Do you remember her? Do you remember blowing her off?"

"Yes, I remember-"

"What you can't possibly remember is the fact that she dropped by Potter Manor numerous times that summer wondering if we had heard anything from you. She was heartbroken. We all were!"

"I know!" Wyatt shouted, ignoring the stares we were earning from the few patrons around us. "Damnit, James, I already know this. Do you really believe that I didn't know you'd all be heartbroken? And frustrated and sad and angry? I realized it then and I realize it now. But I did what I thought I had to do. I-"

"You _left_, Wyatt. And I don't care if you thought you were doing a noble thing. I don't care that you thought you were protecting us. Saving us from harm. I don't care that you were just trying to prove that you were a better man that you thought you were. I really don't care. What I care about is the fact that you turned your back on us without so much as an _explanation_. Maybe I'd care more if you even bothered to tell us what you were up to before you left. Would that have been so difficult? 'Hey, family, just thought I'd let you know that you're all in danger but it's okay because I'm going to put the weight of the world on my own shoulders so that you can all go on pretending to live normal, happy lives.' Well, I hate to break it to you, Wyatt, but we didn't live normal, happy lives. You didn't protect us. You didn't save us. Our family is still crumbling in front of our very eyes. So congratulations for leaving us all to fend for ourselves without even giving us a simple warning."

Wyatt's head hung in shame. He looked distraught, nearly ready to break out into tears. I almost felt bad. Almost. "James," he said softly, the name sounding desperate on his tongue, "I would have warned all of you if I thought it was the right thing to do. But I honestly felt as if giving myself up to Dumbledore and to…"

"Voldemort," I spat out.

He nodded. "That it was the only thing to do to protect all of you. So why would I inform you that you were in danger when I alone had the chance to rectify it? I didn't want to worry any of you. And I certainly didn't want any of you to know that…that I was giving myself up to the Dark Side." He sighed, gesturing towards the bartender to get him another beer. "Maybe I was being cowardly by not telling you. Maybe I was slightly ashamed. Maybe I was afraid of what you'd think. It doesn't matter why I didn't tell you. It just matters that I left, am I right?"

He was right. Truth be told, I didn't care too much about why he left the way he did. I was just tired of people taking off without saying good-bye. As if leaving a note was good enough. "Yeah," I sighed. "You're right."

"I didn't have anything lined up," he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. "I knew that I wasn't going to be an Auror. I knew that. I just didn't know what else I wanted to do. And…"

"And Dumbledore gave you an opportunity to be someone important?" I suggested. Believe me, I knew what that felt like. It was easy feeling insignificant. It wasn't so easy feeling as if the weight of the world was on your shoulders. And because it wasn't so easy feeling that way, I knew how much Wyatt had probably wanted to change that.

Wyatt glanced at me, a faraway reproachful look gleaming in his eye. "I-I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, I guess," he admitted with a taut shrug. "I was given an opportunity to give Voldemort exactly what he wanted and get him off my family's back, or at least I thought, and at the same time pass information from the Dark Side to…" he stopped short.

"To Dumbledore?"

He hesitated, shaking his head. "No," he muttered. "That would have been too dangerous."

"So to who?"

He fixed his stare on me, a look of guilt passing over his face. "Sydny."

Ah, the liaison. I said that aloud.

He nodded. "I don't know her story. And honestly, I've only met her in person a few times. I mostly communicated with her via owls late at night when no one was around. And she never communicated back with me, knowing the danger it would present. I was by Voldemort's side nearly every hour of every day. I didn't stray far. And if I did, I was in the presence of Death Eaters. I think Voldemort always had a hunch I wasn't there willingly."

"Then why didn't he just kill you?" I snorted. "Considering he took so much pleasure in murdering Brite and JT, I assume he would have enjoyed torturing you to pieces as well."

Wyatt cringed. "James, you have to believe me when I say I didn't know anything about Brite or Jaron. I-I stopped reading newspapers. It was too depressing reading the aftermath of one of Voldemort's mass murders knowing I couldn't do much to stop it."

"But apparently Sydny could," I muttered.

"If I could be stealthy, if I could write a letter to Sydny warning her, I did. Whenever I could, I did."

I had so many questions. I didn't even know where to start. "How is it possible that you didn't know about Brite and JT when you were apparently in on all of the missions?"

"They kept them from me. I-I don't know why. Seems to me if they wanted to catch me as a double-agent, all they would have had to do with allude to the potential death of my family members. I would have been out of there in a heartbeat. But it's like…it's like Voldemort found some sick pleasure in knowing he was continuing to terrorize my family while I had no idea. It…it makes me sick knowing that I wasn't there for my family when they needed me most. I would have left a long time ago," he reiterated. "I was there attempting to protect my family. If I had found out that…that that wasn't the case, I wouldn't have stuck around even if it did compromise whatever end result Dumbledore and Moody would have wanted."

"So how did you hear about Dezzy and Drew?"

"I heard Rodolphus Lestrange bragging about it," he murmured. "About how he was going to abduct the Potter girl and her new hubby. Which is how I found out Dezzy was married, by the way," he added as a sidenote. "I went into panic mode. I knew that I couldn't leave at that moment without getting myself and probably Dezzy and Drew killed. And so I rushed to where I knew Regulus was hiding as Bellatrix and Voldemort started to put their plan in action. I told him to find Sydny Lafevre. She would know what to do. I couldn't give him much information as I didn't have much. I just told him to hurry."

"How did you know where Regulus was hiding?"

"Before he was caught in the States by Aurors, he had come to me. He felt as if he could trust me. So he told me that he wanted out. Hell, I wanted out, too, but I knew I had to stay. For my family, for Dumbledore, for Sydny. Until I found out about Dezzy and Drew. "

The questions just kept coming. "Why didn't you just warn Sydny yourself instead of going through Regulus? Or why didn't you just go after Dezzy and Drew yourself?"

"I was still under cover. I was still playing the role of sidekick," he murmured. "I couldn't escape without some sort of plan or I would have been tortured and killed on the spot. But while Bellatrix was with Voldemort, I was able to sneak away. I only had a small window of opportunity and I took it. I didn't know where to find Sydny and it would have taken me too long to find her and get back safely. I was a coward, I know. I should have just taken off immediately but I was scared. I needed to tie up loose ends first before fleeing. I-I knew Regulus would take care of everything that needed to be taken care of so I relied on him to find Sydny."

I frowned. It all just seemed way too complicated. "So why did you finally escape? Why now? You say you were trying to be careful, that you had loose ends to tie up. Was that all taken care of?"

He shrugged slowly. "I don't know," he admitted. "But after Dezzy and Drew were saved, Voldemort went on a rampage. He clearly wasn't thrilled and he was out for blood. He wanted people to pay for the mistakes Rodolphus and Bellatrix made. And it was obvious that that was going to be me, seeing as it should have been a Potter who was tortured. I-I had to get out immediately or I would have been dead," he whispered, shaking his head in disbelief. "And…and even now, it's not over for me or for Regulus. You don't just leave Voldemort's army and get away with it. He's after us now. So…so I have to go into hiding. So does Regulus. He told me he had to finish up one last task and…and I do, too. But after that, our lives are going to drastically change."

"Your lives changed the moment you agreed to work for Voldemort," I pointed out, but it wasn't full of anger this time. It was full of remorse. As much as I wanted to be angry and frustrated at him, a part of me was a bit honored that he would give up his entire life to protect our family. Like I had mentioned to Dumbledore in the hospital, I would join Voldemort's army if it meant protecting those I love. And I couldn't help but wonder why Dumbledore was so adamant on rejecting that statement. He had let Wyatt join Voldemort's army to protect those he loved. So why not me?

"I know," he said softly. "And knowing what I know now, I'd probably take it all back. I-I don't know how much help I was to Dumbledore anyway. I was rarely let in on any mission plans. I was just there to serve Voldemort. Whenever he needed anything or anyone, it was my job to get it. I never even knew what his next step was until he made it. Pretty much the only information I could ever provide to Sydny were names of Death Eaters. And she kept an eye on them, followed their every move. Caught a whole bunch of them. Killed them if necessary."

"Slaughterhouse Syd," I muttered.

"What?"

I shook my head. But it's clear that Wyatt helped Sydny earn her nickname. "How does Sydny fit into all this?" I asked curiously. "Where did she come from?"

Wyatt shrugged weakly. "I don't know."

I froze, realizing who was in the middle of all of this. "Dumbledore chose her, didn't he." It wasn't a question.

He glanced at me. "Yeah. She's working for Dumbledore."

I sadly wasn't surprised. "But why?" I muttered. "Why was _she _chosen to be the liaison?"

Wyatt shrugged weakly. "Damned if I know. That's a question to ask her."

I snorted. "She's not keen on answering my questions."

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "She's quite a secretive gal."

"You can say that again."

"All I know is that she had already begun her Auror training when I started working under Voldemort. Not for very long. A few months, I think. But...well, we didn't exactly spend time going over our backgrounds. We had a mission at hand. And it wasn't to get to know each other."

I could only nod. I was getting more and more curious about Sydny's history.

"So why was she all-of-a-sudden moved to the British office?" I asked curiously. "Why not eight years ago? Why did she start in France?"

Wyatt paused, glancing down at his beer curiously. "I don't know the whole story there. I only know she started in France because…" he hesitated. "Well, because Brite was here in Britain. And Moody, too. They needed her to lay low, not draw any unnecessary attention to her or Voldemort might get suspicious. As to why they moved her to Britain recently, I-I'm not entirely sure. Dumbledore and Moody made the call."

I could tell he was holding something back but considering I was still trying to process everything he's already told me, I let it go. "Did Brite know why you left?" I dared to ask.

Wyatt hesitated, shrugging curtly. "I didn't tell him, if that's what you're wondering. But he's got to think the timing was suspicious. He talks to Moody about these letters and then a week later, I disappear? I always wondered if he had a hunch."

I simply nodded, thinking about everything that Wyatt had missed over the past eight years. The good, the bad. The family outings. The vacations. The fun we had. A world of memories he'll never be a part of. "You've missed out on so much," I blurted out.

His hand froze midway to his mouth with the beer bottle and he glanced my way. "I gave up a lot, James," he said softly. "I realize that. But…" He stopped short, turning away.

"But what?"

His eyes stared out in front of him, not in anything in particular, but because he was clearly thinking heavily about something. A grim frown formed on his face. "But I gave up my life hoping that my family could have a better one."

There was a deep sadness in his voice, his bottom lip trembling ever-so-slightly.

"Clearly it was a waste," he muttered, chugging some of his beer.

I didn't respond, merely gesturing to the bartender to get me another drink. He nodded my way and obliged. I didn't gaze over at Wyatt, letting him process his own thoughts and I tried to piece everything together in my head. In a way, I admired Wyatt for being able to leave so much behind without even a second thought. He was sent on a dangerous mission and now he'd live the rest of his life in fear. I didn't know if I could do that so I couldn't help but be a little proud of my older brother. Just like he wanted.

"He's still after all of us, y'know," I found myself saying aloud.

Wyatt turned to me. "Hm?"

"Dumbledore had told you that handing Voldemort a Potter might be the way to save our family. But it clearly wasn't good enough. He still wants all of us and he's not going to stop until every single person in our lives are dead and so are we."

Wyatt slowly frowned curiously. "Do you think he meant to kidnap Brite?"

That threw me for a loop. "What?"

He didn't respond immediately, sipping his beer thoughtfully. "He kidnapped Jaron. He attempted to kidnap Dezzy. And I think we all know that Voldemort's go-to move isn't kidnap, it's murder. So my question to you is, do you think he just meant to kidnap Brite?"

I frowned. The bartender put my drink in front of me and I sipped it slowly before responding, "Where are you going with this?"

"We can't ever know what Voldemort's plans are, but seems to me if he's just kidnapping, he's probably trying to give us the choice. Either join him or die."

I could feel my face grow white at the prospect of Jaron being tortured by Voldemort as an attempt to force him to join the Dark Side. I should have been proud that Jaron may have died nobly, refusing to spare his dignity and honor for what was ultimately his life. But it was hard feeling proud when my baby brother was dead.

"If you could go back and do it all again," I found myself daring to ask, "Which would you choose?"

Wyatt's hesitance was very evident. "I-I know that it seems none of it made any difference, but as a double-agent, I was able to save numerous lives by way of Sydny. Maybe not the ones that count for us, but they counted for someone out there."

I hated that that made sense. And I hated that I was sitting in an empty pub with a brother I barely knew anymore. I hated that everything had drastically changed from the moment Wyatt disappeared. I hated that this was what my life had become. But what I hated the most was that it appeared I couldn't do anything about it and apparently neither could Wyatt.

"James?"

I glanced over at him. "Yeah?"

"I know I said this yesterday and I know it means nothing to you, but I am sorry. For how everything turned out."

I hesitated, nodding slowly, "I know you are."

Silence followed. I didn't have any other questions. Well, I did, but they weren't for him. They were for Dumbledore. For Moody. And especially for Sydny.

"So are you going to try to see Mom or Dad?" I asked Wyatt. It was a legitimate question considering he had gone to Potter Manor looking for them.

He sighed, fingering the label on his beer warily. "I don't know," he eventually admitted. "Selfishly, I'd like to see them. I'd like to see everyone. But…it's probably best in the end if I didn't."

"How is that for the best?"

"I've already helped put a target on all of your backs. And hell, I'm pretty sure we all know that Voldemort is coming after me. Tracking down Mom and Dad could put them in more danger than I'm willing to risk."

"Yet you're okay with putting me in danger?" I said with a hint of a smile.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "You wanted answers and I thought it was about time I gave them to you."

I met his gaze briefly before glancing hesitantly down at my glass. "And you don't think anyone else in our family deserves answers?"

He didn't respond, teetering on his chair pensively before finally sighing. "They absolutely do," he said softly. "But you've been the only one to ask. And if I could avoid admitting the faults I've made these past nine years, I'm alright going down like a coward."

I sighed. "That's not being a coward," I muttered. "It's being protective."

"You really think so?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I'm beginning to wonder if being protective is just a front for fear of admitting the truth."

As I glanced over at him, I could see compassion staring back at me. "I'll drink to that," he murmured, raising his glass.

I wasn't so sure what we were drinking to but I tapped glasses with him anyway.

"So what are dear old Mom and Dad up to nowadays?" he dared to ask, the overwhelming curiosity resting in his eyes.

"Not much considering they're separated."

He blinked. "_What_?"

"They don't live together anymore. She's here, Dad's in Italy. He left Mom shortly after Brite died."

Silence. "That jackass."

"No," I was quick to argue. "He thought it was the only thing he could do to protect his family."

Silence again.

"Sounds like someone else I know."

He swore. "He thought leaving would protect you all?"

"Sounds like someone else I know," I repeated.

He winced.

I shrugged. "He blamed himself for you leaving. For pushing Brite into the Auror recruitment program. He didn't want to destroy our family any more than it already was. So he left."

"Hm."

"Hm?"

Wyatt glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "I made a mistake by leaving. I just wonder if he thinks the same."

I didn't respond. I wasn't even going to try and understand the thought process that ran through my Dad's head. A part of me understood his reasoning for leaving. I hated him for it, but I understood it. So shouldn't it be the same for Wyatt? Shouldn't I at least try to understand?

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question now?"

Considering he'd been gone for eight years, I could only imagine the swarm of questions in his head. Just like I had questions for him, he probably had a million questions for me. He was one person that I've missed for eight years. But for him, he had quite a few people who have lived lives he's missed out on. "Of course."

"Was that Lily Evans who answered the door yesterday?"

I was completely taken aback. Of all the questions I was expecting, that definitely wasn't one of them. "You haven't seen me in eight years and that's the question you want to start with?"

A hint of a smile appeared on his face. "Last time I checked, the girl hated your guts and you were still trying to convince yourself she was a bitch. Clearly, something has changed."

"Yeah, clearly," I said, a smile breaking out on my face. "We started dating in our seventh year. Still are four years later. And she just moved in with me."

He looked amused. "You're such a ladies man, Mr. Potter."

"No, just one lady," I corrected, suddenly feeling really guilty that I hadn't even told her I wouldn't be coming home at a reasonable hour tonight. But I didn't know how to tell her that I was meeting Wyatt. I didn't know how to tell her that I was in danger. That she was in danger. So I chose to keep quiet.

He smiled. A wry smile, one filled with nostalgia. "You're lucky, James. Hold on to her as long as you can."

I didn't respond. I didn't know how to. I wanted so desperately to hold on to Lily as long as I can but it was obvious Voldemort had other plans.

The rest of the conversation we shared was light-hearted, upbeat even. He asked about Dezzy and Grant and I told him what he wanted to hear. He eventually asked about Brite and JT and I attempted to tell him as much as I could. We talked about Mom, even Dad a tad, he brought up the Gilmores and I regretfully mentioned what occurred with Riley. I discussed Riley and Sirius, much to Wyatt's surprise, and brought up Lance's impending marriage to Kay. I talked about Remus and his unfortunate break-up with Jillian and I talked about Bianca, Brite's old fiancée. It was easy talking to Wyatt. It was nearly midnight by the time we separated. And a large part of me didn't want it to end. I was scared. I was afraid that Wyatt would walk out the door to that pub and I wouldn't get to see him again. And while that's what I thought I wanted, I knew it wasn't. I enjoyed having him back. He was my brother. A brother who I haven't seen or talked to in eight years, but he was still my brother. And after all that I've been through, I needed a brother.

"Am I going to get to see you again?" I asked him as we headed out.

He paused, glancing my way. "I hope so, James. Maybe not anytime soon, but I'll make sure it happens."

"Promise?"

"You bet, little brother."

I smiled. "Be careful, big brother."

He clapped me on my back as we exited the bar. "I will."

That's the last time I ever saw my brother.

* * *

**A/N: **Well let's all just sit back and think about everything we've just read. Whoa. And it doesn't stop there. More to come in the next chapter!

Coming up: Late-night trip to Blarney's (are you surprised?), Keegan gossip, and a surprise visitor.


	15. Of Shooting Stars, Rules, & Bones

**A/N: **Back! Alright here is the good news - I have almost finished this story in its entirety! Which is great news for you because that means I get to edit each chapter quicker...which means I get to update quicker! No more monthlong waits and believe me, I know how annoying that can be. But enough about the rest of the chapters. Let's just focus on this one, shall we?

**Disclaimer: **The talented J.K. Rowling created the Harry Potter world. I just live in it.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 15: Of Shooting Stars, Rules, & Bones

* * *

**+++LILY+++**

I don't know why I was kidding myself. I had actually come home at a reasonable hour and cooked beef stroganoff for James and myself. I lit candles, had an expensive bottle of champagne nesting in an ice bucket, and I even took it to the next level by wearing lingerie underneath my dress. I was feeling pretty good about myself until eight o'clock rolled around, and then nine o'clock, and suddenly it was ten o'clock, and James was a no-show. That's when I felt like an idiot.

James' schedule kept him pretty busy. In a word, his job was chaotic. There were days he'd be home by six o'clock and crawl right into bed after an exhausting day of training. And there were nights that he wouldn't get home until midnight because he and his partner had been called in to check out a tip that Death Eaters were hiding out around Kastle Bay and they had to stake it out. There were days he would disappear because Scrimgeour or Moody needed to send a few bodies to China or Cambodia or Chile to scope out an ex-hiding place of Voldemort's. A lot of James' missions and adventures were relayed to him at the drop of a hat and he didn't have the time to let me know where he was. It was a scary world. A world that I was unfortunately becoming accustomed to since having been immersed in it over the past three and a half years.

So tonight, I just prayed that Moody sent him to China or Cambodia or Chile or Kastle Bay. Because if I didn't pray that, the horrible thoughts were endless. And I refused to go there.

I unpacked a few of the boxes and my suitcases to get my mind off of James' whereabouts. I played the Weird Sisters at full-blast and sang along (well, tried to sing along) as an attempt of a distraction. And it worked. For a while.

I was unpacking some of my photographs when my eyes rested on the box of old Hogwarts memorabilia. I was slightly tempted to open it up and take a look, but I sat there staring at it for a few minutes before knowing I wouldn't. It didn't feel right opening it up in James' house – or I guess my house now. He had been so incredibly hurt when Riley left. Heartbroken. Defeated. Betrayed. Riley had been his best friend for eighteen years and he never thought that he wouldn't have her by his side. He especially never thought that if and when she left she wouldn't bother saying good-bye to him. He had kept up a strong façade, mostly to help Sirius through her disappearance, but I knew it seriously crushed him when she left. He loved having the guys around and he obviously loved me, but I knew that none of us could ever have replaced the seemingly unbreakable bond he had shared with Riley. She knew everything about him. _Everything_. Things I didn't even know. Things I was still learning. And there were times after she had left that he would tell us all something personal where I would see a great bit of sadness gleaming in the back of his eyes. And I knew he was wishing that Riley was also there.

Not wanting to think about her anymore, I scooped up the box and stormed it down the hall to the storage closet. I stuck it in the back, hoping that I would one day be able to forget I put it there just like I had forgotten it was in my old flat.

As I was heading back towards my room, my eyes migrated towards the bedroom that had 'Wyatt' etched into the door. It looked like he had used a knife or another sharp object to engrave his name. I ran my fingers over the letters and instinctively, opened the door to the bedroom I had never even once glanced into.

It was very similar to James'. Even Brite's. It was obvious that all three of them had the same interests. It was also obvious that no one had entered that room in nearly a decade. A thin layer of dust lay over everything in the room and a large poster showcasing the Bigonville Bombers and the Chudley Canons was starting to peel at the corner. Old _Daily Prophet _articles lined one of the walls and as I got closer, I realized they were all about his father and Brite as Aurors. My guess was that his father never came in this room, because knowing what I know about Wyatt's relationship with his father, showing pride towards his dad wasn't something he was accustomed to doing outright. I glanced briefly through them, noting the many accomplishments that Mr. Potter and Brite had achieved during their Auror years. I briefly wondered what Mr. Potter was up to these days.

My eyes were next drawn to the mountains of photographs that lined the bureau. A few displayed one girl in particular, I could only assume it was his ex-girlfriend Emma, and some showed a few of his Hogwarts classmates. But most of them displayed his family. The whole family at the Quidditch World Cup and at the beach, the boys all helping bury Dezzy in the sand, all of them beaming proudly at Hogwarts on Brite's graduation day, what looked like a very young version of James, Brite, and Wyatt playing Quidditch in the backyard, the family all unwrapping gifts at Christmas, the guys all dressed up in fancy suits for the infamous New Year's Eve Auror Ball, the list goes on. In some of them, all eight of them were displayed. In most of them, it was candid photos of his brothers and sister having what looked like the best time. I could really feel the love of the Potter family. And it broke my heart knowing that their family would never, ever be the same.

I sank into the messy, unmade bed with a sigh. My thoughts found their way to my sister, Petunia. It had been a long time since I thought of her, but it was thinking about the slow degradation of the Potter family that reminded me of the loss of my own family. Petunia and I used to be best friends. And then I was whisked away to Hogwarts and she hated me for it. Because she was sent off to some foster family and wasn't given the second chance to be normal like I received. I continued to write her, because I was naïve and just wanted my sister to appreciate me, but one day, the letters were sent back. I learned from the group home that Petunia was sent to another foster family and that she didn't want me to know where. It broke my heart. At least when I had my sister, I had someone who understood what I was going through. But the day that I realized my sister wanted nothing to do with me was the day that I truly became an orphan.

I wandered outside to the backyard. I was heading towards the Adirondack chairs, but stopped short, staring up towards the sky nostalgically. After my parents had died and before I received the letters inviting me to attend Hogwarts, Petunia and I would spend hours outdoors just staring up at the night sky. We would find patterns in the stars and pray for a shooting star to whoosh by as we found comfort in how bright and big the moon was above us.

I instinctively lay down on the grass and stared up at the stars, finding bunnies and robots and swords and hats in the stars. And when I was done with that, my thoughts returned to where James could be praying that he was safe.

I don't know how long I had been sitting out there, but eventually I heard soft footsteps behind me. I knew not to expect them to be James'. After years of friendship, I knew exactly who they belonged to. I didn't budge from where I was lying, my eyes stoic on the stars above.

"What are you doing out here?" Sirius asked, leaning over my line of vision.

I frowned. "Thinking," I said matter-of-factly.

"Aren't you cold?"

In fact, I hadn't even felt the wintry chill in the air. "No."

I sensed hesitation in his movement before he, too, joined me on the grassy knoll. "You alright?" he asked.

"Fine."

He nudged me with his elbow. "Liar. What's going on?"

I didn't respond right away, shutting my eyes as I let the slight breeze brush over my face. "I hate nights like this."

I could feel Sirius' eyes on me. "Er…late nights? Wednesday nights? Crisp nights? Breezy nights? Clear nights? Starry nights?"

No. It has nothing to do with the weather or the sky. I glanced over at my friend. "Nights when James doesn't come home."

His eyes flickered with defeat. "James isn't home?"

I shook my head.

"And you don't know where he is?"

"Nope," I said.

"He's probably just at the office."

"It's after eleven o'clock."

"He works hard."

"At eleven o'clock at night?" I muttered irritably.

Silence. He stuck his left arm behind his head, propping it up slightly. "He's fine, Lily-bean."

I sighed, turning my gaze back towards the sky. "What really sucks is that I have no idea if that's true," I murmured. "And those are the nights I hate. The nights where I wonder where James is. What he's up to. Was he called in on a dangerous mission? Is he stuck in the training facilities? Was there an attack nearby and he was called to the scene? These are the reasons I hate being an Auror's girlfriend. The questioning. The wondering. The…the fear. Until he walks in through that front door and hugs me, I won't know that he's okay. And that scares the hell out of me," I murmured. "Now that I'm living with him, it's a hundred times worse. Because I'm going to be able to take note of every single time he's late or he doesn't come home."

Sirius didn't say anything but there wasn't really anything for him to say. We watched the stars gleam with the bright moon, our thoughts running through a million different scenarios. "We all worry."

"Do you?"

Sirius nodded. "Absolutely. There's a war going on, Lily-bean. We can't ignore that. And James is actively fighting in that war. No matter how many times I like to tell myself that it's…it's not going to be him that winds up injured or dead or kidnapped or tortured, it very well might be someday. We read articles every day about Aurors putting themselves in the line of battle and dying nobly. Well, personally, I don't care if those people are dying nobly. It sucks that they have to die at all," he said softly.

I really wanted him to stop using the word 'die.' "Tell me again that he's fine," I pleaded, my voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius turned to me, reaching out to grab my hand. "James can handle himself. He will be fine."

I desperately wanted that to be true. "Thanks."

"Of course."

I hesitantly let my eyes drift over to Sirius, sensing panic in his voice. Worry was etched on his face and I felt slightly guilty for putting that worry in his head. Sirius Black was a good friend to James. And what's more, James was a good friend to him. I couldn't imagine Sirius living his life without his best friend by his side. And so I didn't imagine it. I pretended as if my focus was on him. "Have you talked to James at all today?"

Sirius shook his head, shrugging. "No. Why?"

I stiffened slightly, thinking back to James' brother's sudden return the night before. It probably wasn't my place to tell Sirius, but I needed some advice so I felt myself blurting out, "Wyatt returned last night."

Sirius sat upright immediately, his jaw dropping in shock. "Wyatt?" he spat out. "As in…_Wyatt_? Wyatt _Potter_?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

I snorted, giving him a look. "I might not know what Wyatt looks like, but James sure as hell does."

"How'd he take it?"

"I don't know. Not well. He's pretending it didn't happen."

"Typical."

"Yeah."

Sirius' eyes wandered over to the empty field off to the left, a field where I knew that many a Quidditch games had been played over the years. "So Wyatt's alive?" Sirius murmured.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"James never believed he was dead. He knew he was out there somewhere. And I think that hurt James more. With death comes closure. With abandonment just comes a lot of pain and anxiety."

"Pain and anxiety certainly sums it up," I said softly, thinking about the conversation I shared with James the night before. He was hurting. He was always hurting. I'm pretty sure a minute didn't go by where he wasn't thinking about Wyatt or Brite or JT or his father or Riley. He had suffered a lot. He was still suffering a lot. And it killed me knowing that there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

"Where's Wyatt been all these years?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't think he told James either."

"Oh."

I sat up, glancing over at Sirius where worry crease lines were forming in his forehead. "Why do you think Wyatt left?" I asked. "I wasn't around so I can't really speculate, but I'm hoping you might have some sort of an idea."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't," he admitted. "I was only thirteen when he left. I was a kid who didn't even attempt to understand how the adult mind worked."

I could have argued that eighteen was hardly adult, but it wouldn't have been true. The moment you leave Hogwarts was the moment you were forced into adulthood. I was about to open my mouth when he spoke again.

"Although, I had a good feeling it had something to do with Mr. P."

I glanced over at him. "What makes you say that?"

He frowned curiously. "You've never seen Wyatt's room, have you?"

I hesitated. "Er…I actually snuck in earlier tonight."

Sirius shrugged. "Did you see all of those newspaper articles lining the walls?"

"Yeah."

"The only ones that were ever posted before Wyatt left were of Brite," he said slowly. "But the day after Wyatt disappeared, James, Remus and I snuck into Wyatt's room when his parents weren't looking. I think James wanted to find some sort of clue. We didn't find anything. Only that the wall that was originally just about Brite was suddenly lined with a hundred articles of Mr. P. Articles from so many years earlier that he must have been collecting them for a while."

I had no idea what that meant. Maybe he hadn't put them up on the wall until he was planning on leaving as a last show of gratification towards the family he left behind. Or maybe it was his way of saying that while an Auror wasn't what Wyatt wanted to do, he was still proud of his family. Still proud of his dad. Which, from what I understand, was something no one in the family could have believed. "Wow."

Sirius shrugged. "Mr. P wanted him to be an Auror. He didn't want to be. Not many people knew that. I'm not sure James even knew. But…Wyatt mentioned it to me once. A long time ago."

"So he…he left? Just like that? Because his dad didn't approve?" I murmured, shaking my head in disbelief. "There's got to be more than that, don't you think?"

"Yeah, there's more," agreed Sirius. "I just don't know what it is."

"Leaving isn't always the answer," I muttered, the words barreling out of my mouth before I could stop them. "In fact, it's _never _the answer. It's just cowardly and spineless. It's like the phrase goes: you can run, but you can't hide. You can't hide from the people you left behind and the unfortunate legacy you left behind by abandoning them."

Sirius fell silent and I cringed instinctively. I was talking about Petunia, but I realized that he probably thought I was talking about Riley. He didn't respond and I didn't try explaining myself. In all honesty, I didn't want to discuss Petunia. Ever. She was definitely a part of my past that I refused to acknowledge. It didn't take me long to come to terms with the fact that my parents and my sister were gone. They weren't coming back. They were lost to me forever. What took me a long time to realize was that that didn't have to mean my family was gone. My family was just now another group of people. People who have accepted me and supported me through the acknowledgement of my parents' death and my sister's abandonment. Sirius, Remus, Peter, Kay, and especially James. I couldn't lose any of them. I'd fall apart without them. They've been my rock, my stability in a very unstable life.

I watched as a shooting star blasted through the sky. Petunia initially crossed my mind. But when I closed my mind to make my wish, all I saw was James.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

The frown on Lily's face was one I wasn't accustomed to seeing. It was hesitantly cautious, nostalgically uneasy. It was a frown filled with trepidation. She was deep in thought. Her eyes were squinted and she was chewing curiously on the outside of her bottom lip. I didn't know what to make of it. In all honesty, I thought she was talking about Riley. But that wasn't the look she often had on her face when she was thinking about Riley.

I've known Lily for over ten years. I've watched her, not in a creepy stalkerish way, but I've watched her enough to know what every smile or frown or scowl or smirk meant. I recognized frustration or sorrow or confusion or anger in her eyes even if she tried desperately to hide it. I was often on the receiving end of those looks. James was, too. I tried to ignore them when I wanted to, but I couldn't ignore the look in her eyes now.

"Who are you talking about?" I dared to ask.

She gazed at me, startled. "No one. Forget I said anything," she pleaded.

Panic spread across her face, but I didn't push it. I heard the desperation in her voice and believe me, I knew all about not walking to discuss painful memories. So I let it go.

I cringed inwardly at the thought of painful memories. I couldn't help but think back to the conversation I shared with Keegan the night before. I was still frustrated with her for thinking she could waltz into my flat and tell me how I was feeling and what I was feeling. But I think I was more frustrated with her for apparently knowing exactly how and what I felt.

I slowly lay back against the grass once again, a sigh escaping my lips. I stole another look at Lily and blurted out, "Can I ask you something, Lily-bean?"

She hesitated before nodding. She then took my lead and fell back against the grass.

"Has Rouge ever mentioned her past boyfriends to you?"

She looked puzzled. Which was expected. Why the hell would I be asking about Keegan? She asked, "Why do you want to know?"

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could, my eyes on the night sky. "Just curious."

She let out a light snort, which wasn't unexpected. Thankfully, she didn't press on. "She rarely did, no," she answered with a curt shrug. "Mentioned Damien once. The guy she was living with before me. But none of the others. Although, she's said a few times over the years that she's had her share of boyfriends in the past four years after she left France."

My gaze didn't waver. I knew about Damien. Only slightly. But I was pretty sure that wasn't the love Keegan had lost that she had been referring to. "Hm," I murmured, realizing I wasn't going to get any answers from Lily. Damn. That meant I needed to get the answers from Keegan herself. "Okay."

"Any particular reason you're asking about a girl you despise?" she sniggered.

I fell silent, my lips pursing impatiently. "Nah."

She punched my shoulder lightly. "Black, there's got to be a reason you're inquiring about Keegan's boyfriends. So spill."

It couldn't have come as a surprise to her when I fell mute.

"If you don't spill, I'm going to assume you're asking because you either have a crush on the girl or you want to sleep with her, so-"

"Ew, no!" I balked. I glared at her, the thought of a control freak like Keegan in bed making me enough to shudder. "I'm not asking on my behalf, but thank you very much for putting that unnecessary mental image into my head. It will take years of having sex with nameless girls to get it out."

She chuckled. "What am I supposed to think?"

I shuddered again, cringing inwardly. "The girl's been hurt, that much is obvious. I am just curious if you know how."

A frown replaced the amusement displayed on her face. She sat up and stared at me, her eyes inquisitive. "Seriously, why are you asking me about Keegan?"

I didn't really want to go into it, but at the same time, I couldn't lie to Lily. And I knew she wouldn't let it go. "We got into an argument," I said bluntly.

"Big surprise there," she snorted, shooting me a look. "That doesn't tell me anything."

I frowned, my eyes fixating on what I could only guess was the Little or Big Dipper. I nearly failed Astronomy class in Hogwarts. "No, this was bigger than our usual snipes and insults towards each other. She…she was clearly looking for me to help her out and I couldn't do it," I said, feeling only slightly guilty at the way I handled things the night before.

She hesitated. "Why was she looking to you for help?" she inquired.

"I don't know," I lied. "Because I was across the hall?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well, that's a load of crock. It takes two seconds to apparate. I'm assuming she came to you for a reason."

I didn't respond. I didn't want to admit to Lily that perhaps Keegan and I had more in common than anyone really thought. "She and Fabian broke up," I blurted out.

Lily's eyes widened. "What?"

I nodded. "Last night."

She sighed. "Poor Keegan."

"Poor Keegan? Poor Fabian."

She hesitated. "Yeah, I guess," she said with a sigh.

I opened my mouth to bad-mouth Keegan but found myself staying quiet. I wasn't exactly one who could make any sort of judgments on break-ups.

"So I repeat my earlier question: why did she come to see you?"

"I'm still trying to figure that one out in my own head," I admitted.

She pursed her lips curiously. "She's not planning on taking off, is she?"

I froze ever-so-slightly, slowly turning my head to face Lily. She was looking at me curiously, her eyes full of suspicion. "What makes you say that?"

"Because it's what she does," she said simply and matter-of-factly. "I don't know much about her past relationships but considering she's had approximately five and she's lived in five different places in the past four years, that one wasn't so hard to figure out."

"Ah," I muttered. Truth was, I had a sneaking suspicion that Keegan might indeed try to hightail it out of here. Probably because I didn't even attempt to stop her. In fact, I probably just made her want to leave more.

"Ah?"

I shrugged. "Just ah."

"That 'ah' had an agenda."

I sighed. I wasn't about to tell Lily that she was right about Keegan. That she could have already disappeared. Packed up her stuff and left without a second thought. I groaned inwardly, knowing that I'd have to dredge up enough courage and pride to knock on Keegan's door later. I don't know what I was hoping for: that she'd still be there or that she wouldn't. "No," I argued, shaking my head. "Just thinking."

"Well, that's a first."

I snickered, shooting her an amused look. "Hilarious."

She simply grinned.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally spoke. "Want a beer?" If I was spending my entire thoughts on Keegan, I needed some alcohol in my system.

She stifled a yawn. "Yeah, why not."

I got up off the grass, wiping a few stray pieces off my backside, and headed indoors. I wondered where James might have gone off to that night. Seeing as it was only the second night he was sharing Potter Manor with Lily, it must have been something important. He knew how much Lily worried. He wouldn't just blow her off. There must have been some sort of explanation. And I had a feeling it had something to do with Wyatt. What it had to with Wyatt, I had no clue. I could only assume he either went to discuss Wyatt's return with Dezzy or his mother or he was busying himself with some sort of workload or mission so as to distract himself from Wyatt's return. Either way, I prayed he just returned home sooner rather than later for Lily-bean's sake.

When I returned to the backyard with the two beers, it was Keegan that was on my mind again. I couldn't help but recall everything we had said to each other the night before, trying to read between the lines as much as I could. It was almost as if she had sought me out looking for a way to relate to me and my past. She kept saying that she understood, and if she truly did, I couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for her. I might truly believe that the girl was a piece of work but no one deserved to be left behind. Especially by someone they loved.

I gestured towards the Adirondack chairs and she nodded. She slowly stood up off the grass and we made our way over to the chairs. I handed her the beer bottle. "What would you do if James suddenly just left without saying good-bye?"

She glanced over at me, startled. "Why? What do you know?" she said, panic in her voice.

I shot her a look. "Aw, hell, Lily-bean, it was hypothetical."

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Sirius Black, if you know something-"

"It was hypothetical!" I argued, shaking my head. "This might shock you, but I'm not actually referring to you in this scenario."

She hesitated, taking a swig of beer before asking, "You talking about Keegan?"

Man, the girl was insightful. "Just answer the question."

She sighed. "Why's he leaving?"

"Beats me."

"Did he leave a note?"

"Don't know."

"Is he leaving by force or on his own free will?"

"I'm going to go with the latter."

"Then the first thing I would do was come up with a list ten miles long of all the ways he deserved to die."

I couldn't help but grin. "Spiteful."

"The bastard left me. In my mind, he has death coming."

A chuckle rose from within, but in all honesty, I knew all about wishing someone you loved dead because they left. "What's the second thing you would do?"

"Cry."

A given. "Third?"

Silence. I glanced over at her and saw the moonlight illuminating her now complacently twisted expression. She sighed. "I'd wonder what the hell it is I possibly did to make him think that his only way out was disappearing."

Been there, done that. "What if it isn't your fault?" This was all still hypothetical, but I wasn't entirely thinking about Rouge anymore.

"Doesn't matter," she was quick to argue. "I'd still blame myself."

I found myself nodding all to knowingly. "Yeah," I whispered. "I know."

Lily turned to look at me and it took everything in me not to meet her gaze. I knew exactly what her gaze would say: _It wasn't your fault, Sirius_. And while that may be true, four years later, I still couldn't help but blame myself for Riley Gilmore leaving. Lily didn't say anything and I was grateful.

Eventually, she broke the silence. "So you think that Keegan was left behind by someone she loved?"

I shrugged. "I don't rightly know. But I have a feeling the answer to that question is yes."

She opened her mouth to retort but clearly thought better of it and busied herself with her beer instead. I could see her trying to calculate her words out in her head. I was curious what she had to say. "Why is it that people are so bloody convinced disappearing is the answer?"

I let that question hang in the air, knowing it had to be rhetorical. But it was a question I've asked myself a thousand times before. A question where no matter what the answer was, it would never be the right one in my mind.

I stuck around for a while, mostly for Lily-bean's sake. If I wasn't there, she would merely worry about James. And while worrying was the easy thing to do, I wanted so desperately for her to have just a few minutes apart from her concerns. So we talked about everything and we talked about nothing. Lily imitated Kay demanding something out of her Maid-of-Honor, I joked about my latest female conquest, we discussed the upcoming Quidditch World Cup, we speculated over Fabian and Rouge's break-up, and I retold old stories of Wyatt, Brite, and Jaron. It was way after midnight when we heard the creak of footsteps in the kitchen.

We both whirled around and I could see the relief plain as day in Lily's eyes when James strolled out to the backyard. "Hey," he greeted, a smile on his face. A real smile.

"Where have you been?" Lily demanded, jerking away when James tried to kiss her.

He cringed. He stole a glance my way and sighed. "Wyatt's back."

I shrugged. "So I've been told."

"James?" Lily said, an eyebrow raised. "Where have you been?"

"You told Sirius?"

"Seriously, you're going to grill me right now?" she snorted.

Ouch. Lily was bordering on irritation. "No," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I…I met up with Wyatt at a bar tonight."

I swear I could hear crickets in the background.

"Wyatt?" I finally found my voice. "As in…Wyatt?"

He sighed and perched on the armrest of Lily's Adirondack chair. "Yeah."

"How did you know where to find him?" Lily asked curiously, the irritation in her voice now completely gone.

James hesitated. "Lafevre told me."

That threw me for a loop. First, Sydny finds herself at the scene of a kidnapping she should have known nothing about. Next, she's some sort of go-to person between Wyatt and James. She was definitely hiding something. I wondered if James knew what it was. "Sydny?" I asked curiously. "Why her?"

He didn't respond, but I wasn't entirely surprised. I could tell by the look in his eye that he was still digesting a whole bunch of information that I'm sure Wyatt had relayed to him.

"Well, what did Wyatt have to say for himself?" Lily asked.

Once again, James kept quiet. And once again, it didn't come as a surprise.

"Are you glad you met up with him?" Lily tried again.

When he didn't respond, I tried taking another route. "Well, how's he doing?" I asked.

He shot me a look. "That's the question you're going to ask?"

I shrugged, cringing. "It's been eight years. And I'm sure somewhere in those eight years, you were convinced the guy might be dead. So, yeah. I'm asking you how he is."

He frowned, reaching for Lily's beer. She paused but reluctantly gave it to him. I could tell she was still annoyed but trying not to show it. "Well, let's see," James murmured after taking a swig of beer and handing it back to his girlfriend. "He ran off to join the Dark Side because Dumbledore asked him to, he's been passing information to Sydny Lafevre for eight years, he was the one who got the message to Lafevre about Dez and Drew's kidnapping, and he's just realizing now that Voldemort is a load of shit and so Wyatt wants to escape."

My mouth hung open in complete shock. Stealing a glance in Lily's direction, she was frozen in astonishment as well. None of us spoke for quite some time. James didn't offer any more explanations and Lily and I were clearly still trying to process. Eventually, once my mouth grew dry, I spoke. "So, he's good then?" Sarcasm dripped from my every word.

James' head swung towards me with surprise. And suddenly he was smiling. Then laughing. I got only slightly worried when he didn't stop laughing, doubling over as the chuckles rose from within. Eventually, he turned to face me. "My family is so screwed up." He laughed again.

Lily and I shared a concerned look. I didn't know if James was laughing because he was tired or if he was still trying to digest the conversation he had with Wyatt or if it was just yet another defense mechanism so as to avoid the horror that has become his family. "James," Lily said, resting her hand on his arm.

His laughter died down and a sad look quickly replaced the amusement that was just shining in his eyes. "He asked about you guys."

"Wyatt?" I questioned.

James rolled his eyes. "No, Voldemort. After I met up with Wyatt, I thought it would be a great idea meeting up with the guy who is out to get all of us."

I snickered. "Alright, stupid question."

"Yes, _Wyatt _asked about you. He asked if I was still friends with the Marauders. And he asked if Lily here truly was the Lily Evans that I apparently once longed for as a thirteen-year-old."

Lily blushed. "Wyatt knew who I was?"

I couldn't help but snicker. "You were pretty much all James focused his time and energy on back then," I joked. "Sad part is, you were the only one who didn't seem to know that."

She smiled shyly, reaching for her boyfriend's hand, who had become unusually subdued. "James?" she said softly. "Are you okay?"

He didn't respond immediately, shutting his eyes with a sigh. Eventually, he opened them back up and gazed down at her. "Y'know, you think that you finally have a handle on your life. You think that everything is finally just falling into place. You think that you are finally able to control what happens. And then suddenly, your long-lost brother of eight years returns from presumably the dead. And it just makes me wonder what the hell is going to happen next," he said with a deep sigh. He turned his head towards the dark abyss, staring out into the world. A scary, unpredictable world. "Seriously, what's next?" he repeated in a whisper. "What do we do now?"

I shared a look with Lily. James always did want to have some sort of control over his life and the lives of his loved ones. He hated unpredictability and he hated the unknown. Look what unpredictability and the unknown has gotten him thus far. Unfortunately, it appeared that James would forever live a life of unpredictability and unknown. And I hated that he had to go through that. While we all have to endure a bit of unpredictability in our lives, James' was constant. Relentless. Endless even. He had so much to lose and so much to worry about. And no matter what reassuring thing I could say on the matter or what supportive words Lily had to say on the matter, it would never be enough for him. Because it probably wouldn't be the truth.

So I was grateful when Lily finally spoke because I was at a complete loss for words. She squeezed his hand and said softly, "We go to Blarney's."

He glanced down at her, gratitude in his eyes. My guess was he was appreciative that she didn't try and urge him to discuss Wyatt or James' feelings on the matter. He smiled. "We go to Blarney's," he repeated.

"It's twelve-thirty in the morning," I pointed out.

Their eyes turned towards me in surprise. "When has that ever stopped you?"

I grinned. "Alright, let's go to Blarney's. Should I see if Remus and Peter are available?"

"At twelve-thirty in the morning? They'll probably punch you," James teased.

I shrugged. "Once I tell them that Wyatt returned, I'm pretty sure they'll be begging to join."

James frowned. "I don't want to talk about Wyatt tonight."

"I never said we had to talk about it. I'll just allude to that possibility to them so they'll drag themselves out of bed."

"How is it you have any friends?" Lily groaned.

"I'm not actually sure."

* * *

**++REMUS++**

Twelve-forty-five in the morning was not my ideal time to be woken up by my crazy roommate. "What the hell, Sirius?" I whined, attempting to pull my pillow over my head. "Some of us actually sleep at one o'clock in the morning!"

"You'll want to wake up for this."

I sighed. I doubted it. Most of his news had to do with a girl. "Tell me tomorrow morning," I muttered, rolling over to face the wall.

"Wyatt returned last night."

I froze, slowly turning back around to face. "Wyatt? As in…as in…_Wyatt_?"

"My reaction precisely. You coming to Blarney's with us or not?"

I hesitated, weighing my options. "Is James going to provide us with any sort of details?"

"Guess you won't know unless you come to Blarney's."

Damn Wyatt for interrupting my sleep. I trudged out of bed reluctantly. "Alright, let's go."

* * *

**++PETER++**

I was finishing up inventory behind the bar when I heard my name being shouted halfway across the bar. "YO, WORMSICLE!"

I groaned, glancing over my shoulder. "Please never call me that again."

Sirius grinned, hopping on to an empty bar stool. "We're hitting up Blarney's. Stop counting bottles and get drunk with us."

"You're just now going to Blarney's? It's twelve-thirty in the morning."

"Geez, why do people keep saying that?" Sirius muttered. He hesitated. "Oh, wait, that was me that said it. Eh, that's beside the point."

"Stop babbling, Sirius, and tell Peter what's going on," Remus whined.

"Why does anything have to be going on for a late-night trip to Blarney's?"

"_Sirius_."

"Alright, alright, don't get your knickers in a twist," he snickered, turning back to face me. "Wyatt returned."

I dropped the half-empty bottle of firewhisky, millions of pieces shattering across the floor. I didn't even notice that my pants were now soaked with the pungent odor of whiskey. "He…he what?" I whispered, trying to hide the shock in my voice.

I had only recently found that that Wyatt had joined Voldemort's army. I had never actually seen him (as being a spy is a better kept secret if not many know about it in Voldemort's army), but his name came up at one of my last summons with Voldemort. All of these years I had assumed Wyatt was dead and as it turned out, he was just as bad as I was. Maybe worse considering he gave himself completely over to the Dark Side.

But if he had returned that meant he had escaped. So maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"You heard me right, Wormy," Sirius said with a shrug.

I had a million questions running through my mind but none of them could be asked to the two people in front of me.

"And I hope you plan on squeezing that excess firewhisky from your slacks into a glass and drinking it because no Marauder will ever waste alcohol."

"Didn't realize that was one of our rules," I drawled sarcastically.

"It was an unwritten one."

"Opposed to written rules?" Remus interjected with a snort. "Pretty sure we don't have those either."

"We should start compiling a list!" Sirius suggested, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

"Knock yourself out," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

"You're actually condoning the idea of _Padfoot _putting together a list of rules? They'd consist primarily of booze and bimbos."

Sirius grinned. "You totally get me," he whispered overdramatically.

"I so wish I didn't."

"Can we go hound James for details now? I find it rather unsettling that we are discussing phantom Marauder rules when we all just found out Wyatt returned from the presumed dead," Remus chimed in.

"You actually think James is going to provide us with details?" I asked, frowning as I wondered how much James actually knew.

"To quote someone I know: guess we don't find out unless we go to Blarney's," Remus responded.

"Ooh, that person sounds so wise!"

"Shut up, Padfoot."

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I could tell the irritation on Remus' and Peter's faces that venturing to Blarney's at one o'clock in the morning without getting any information in return was not what they had in mind. But I was grateful that they didn't push it. That none of them pushed it. At that moment, I just wanted to enjoy spending time with my friends and girlfriend.

"So how's living with this lug?" Sirius asked Lily as the clock neared one-thirty.

"I am not a lug," I argued. "I am a fun-loving, free-spirited, enjoyable presence."

Sirius blinked. "Er…that's great. Feel free to fill out a personal ad with that information and watch as only puppies go flocking to you," he snickered, turning to Lily. "So? How's living-"

"Hey, if a puppy ventured my way after reading a personal ad, I would have no problem with that. I could become rich with a dog who could read."

"I can read," Sirius pointed out with a grin.

"You're also human 95% of the time. I don't think that counts."

"Are we seriously having this conversation?" Remus whined.

"Oh, you're just cranky because I pulled you out of bed," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"Ya think? With empty promises, might I add."

"Eh, blame James for that."

"Er…can we not?" I chimed in. "I already spent four hours with Wyatt today. I don't want to spend any more time thinking about him right now."

Awkward silence filled the table. "Can I just ask one question?" Remus pleaded.

I sighed, nodding.

"How was it seeing him again?"

I hesitated, pondering my answer carefully. "It was..." I dithered, pursing my lips curiously as I searched for the right verbiage. "Weird."

When I didn't elaborate, he rolled his eyes. "Gee, please don't strain yourself with all of the details."

I cracked a smile. "I was thirteen when he left, Moony. I was just a kid. I-"

"I'm getting deja-vu," Lily interrupted with a smile, shooting a look over to Sirius.

Sirius grinned. "James and I are actually twins who got separated at birth."

I made a face. "I'm not surprised my mother gave you up. She clearly knew you'd grow up to be a horrible trouble-maker."

"Hey!"

"I hate to break it to you, Prongsie, but you are just as much a trouble-maker as Padfoot," Peter snorted.

I chuckled, returning to what I was previously saying. "When Wyatt left, it hit us all pretty hard. But at that time in my life, I couldn't even begin to understand the turmoil that was going on in the wizarding world. I just thought Wyatt was giving up on all of us. And now? With everything that's been going on, I don't blame him for wanting to believe he could make a difference."

"But it didn't end up doing much good," Sirius pointed out lightly.

"Maybe not for you or for me directly, but it wasn't like he did _nothing_. He saved lives. He stopped some of Voldemort's larger-scaled plans. He helped put some of those Death Eaters in Azkaban. He gave us names so we could track certain Death Eaters. It made a difference."

"Sounds like you're proud of him," Lily spoke with a relieved smile.

I hesitated before shrugging. Damnit, maybe I was proud of him. "All this time I thought he abandoned us. I thought he wanted out. Turns out he was just doing what he thought he had to do to protect his family. Who knows if it really was noble or just really stupid, but the guy has guts, that's for sure. I-I know that I would do anything to protect my friends and family so I can't hate Wyatt for doing what he did. I can hate how he did it and I can hate the fact that he didn't bother saying goodbye to any of us, but this hatred I've built up inside of me for so many years has evaporated. I guess what's left in replace of it is pride."

They were all staring at me in slight awe. Probably because it wasn't often I got all prolific on them. "In the spirit of not talking about it, can I ask another question?" Remus asked with a sheepish grin.

I shrugged.

"If Dumbledore knew that Voldemort was killing and kidnapping his family behind Wyatt's back, why didn't he try to put an end to the mission?"

I hesitated. It was a question that had been running through my mind since I left Wyatt. I was a little irritated with Dumbledore for keeping this secret from me, but I was more irritated that it went on for so long when it shouldn't have. "I don't know," I admitted. "At this point I've learned that I will never know what's really going through Dumbledore's mind."

"Well it's not like Dumbledore could go storming into the middle of Voldemort's army and demand that Brite be returned to the good side," Lily pointed out with a knowing raise of the eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure that would be like handing a death wish over to Brite on a silver platter."

I sighed, really not wanting to think about it anymore. "It's one-thirty in the morning on a weekday. Can we not discuss my screwed-up family and talk about something that might actually make us smile?"

I pretended not to notice the exchanged glances of concern amongst my friends as I sipped my beer.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I was attempting to find something to change the subject when Remus chimed in. "Well, here's a fun subject change: Sirius got so mad at Keegan the other night that he chucked a half-empty beer bottle against the wall," Remus spoke up with a mischievous grin.

So not my idea of a good subject change.

"Whoa, that's huge," James said with feigned shock as he gazed at me curiously.

"Oh, it is not. I'm always fighting with her," I muttered.

"No, I was referring to the fact that you wasted half a beer."

I pretended not to be amused but I'm sure the slight tug of a smile gave me away.

"What the hell were you two arguing about now?" Peter groaned.

I shrugged, shooting Remus a warning glare. I had no idea if he knew anything about the subject of my fight with Sydny but I was not about to reenact it. "It was nothing."

"It always is," Lily snorted. "Do you realize that if you two got over whatever petty differences have seemingly separated you, you might actually discover that you are quite similar?"

_Oh, Lily-bean, you have no idea_. "Our differences aren't petty," I argued. "She's a stuck-up Know-it-All who thinks I'm some chauvinistic, selfish prat. Believe me when I say she's never not going to be a Know-it-All and I certainly enjoy being a prat far too much to stop around her."

Lily shot me a look and opened her mouth to comment but an amused expression suddenly appeared on her face and she broke out into an unexpected fit of giggles.

"Pray tell, why is that so funny?"

She grinned. "You sound like me and James when we used to fight back in Hogwarts."

James blinked, glancing over at her before he, too, burst into laughter. "Merlin, did we really sound like that?"

"Oh, please, you called me a Know-it-All at least once a day for six years straight. And I'm pretty sure over time, I couldn't remember if your surname was Potter or just Selfish."

Remus quickly joined in on the laughter while I scowled. Which just set James and Lily off again. And naturally Peter joined in.

"I'm beginning to think my friendship _would_ be better off with Rouge," I drawled sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Lily wiped a tear from her eye as the laughter died down, shrugging at me. "I just think you two are so classifiably stubborn you just don't care to get to really know each other."

"It's not stubbornness that's making me not care," I scoffed. "It's the fact that she's a stuck-up Know-It-All! Haven't we already gone over this?"

"Y'know, not only do you sound like the way James and I used to be at Hogwarts but you sound an awful lot like yourself at Hogwarts when pretending to despise a certain raven-haired ex-friend."

I cringed at the reminder of Riley. Bloody hell, why was everyone so fixed on bringing her up lately? "What's your point, Lily-bean?"

She shrugged. "Look where both of those relationships ended up."

My heart skipped a beat, the frustration surging from deep within. "I sincerely hope you're not actually categorizing my farce of a relationship with you-know-who as the same situation with your relationship with James."

They all frowned and I knew why. While I was quick to call my relationship with Riley a farce none of them saw it the same way. "No," Lily sighed. "I'm not saying they are the same. I'm simply pointing out they started similarly."

"Well, don't," I muttered irritably. "In fact, it might be wise of you to drop the subject altogether seeing as the last time someone dared to bring up Riley, I smashed a beer bottle against the wall."

Confusion clouded her expression. "Keegan brought up Riley?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Bloody hell, why were we still talking about this? "Probably had something to do with her break-up with Fabian."

Peter and James grew shocked, Lily already knew so she just sighed, and based off the unsurprised expression on Remus' face, I had a feeling he had in fact had some sort of conversation with Keegan the night before. "They broke up?" James repeated.

I nodded. "What else did you expect considering she neglected to show up at the hospital to be there for him?"

He frowned. "I assumed she had her reasons."

"Well, it's evident she does," I agreed, my voice hesitant. "She just refuses to explain them to anyone."

Lily sighed. "That girl is full of secrets."

Remus hesitated, peeking over at me curiously. "And we all aren't?"

The table went silence as we all realized that the werewolf had a point.

* * *

**++LILY++**

When I woke up around four in the morning, I noticed that James' side of the bed was empty. I glanced around the room, still half-asleep but slightly panicked, before my eyes rested on the propped balcony door. A chill ran down my spine and I had a feeling it didn't have all to do with the icy breeze from outdoors. I climbed out of bed and grabbed a blanket from the rocking chair to throw around my shoulders. I tiptoed over to the door and my eyes fell on James, who sat stoic staring at the world in front of him. A world I was certain he was afraid of living in anymore.

I leaned against the doorframe with a frown. "Hey," I said.

He jumped slightly, but didn't bother turning around to face me. "Hey."

Neither of us spoke, letting the wintry breeze numb our faces as we waited in silence.

"I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, Lils."

His voice broke me from my concerned thoughts for him as I glanced down at his fragile self. "What do you mean?"

"I just wonder if anything that any of us are doing to try and abolish this war is doing any good."

It was a question I often asked myself. "Like your brother?"

His brows crinkled. "I don't want to talk about him."

I sighed. Big surprise there. "We'll never truly know if what we're doing is making a difference, James. But what's the other option? Doing nothing? Neither you nor myself were ever really good at taking a backseat to anything."

He merely nodded, remaining silent on the matter.

I continued hesitantly, "I don't think we'd be very proud of the people we are if we weren't actively fighting and doing everything we could to protect our friends and family from the danger this war has presented us all with."

There was a flicker of panic in his eyes that peaked my curiosity. James wasn't one to panic no matter how chaotic his life or job became. He had always been the epitome of calm even in the face of so much danger and tragedy. He finally turned to face me and the panic was gone, replaced with complacency. "C'mere," he murmured, gesturing me over to him with a slight head tilt.

I obliged. I slipped into his lap and slid the blanket over both his shoulders and mine so that we were nestled closely together.

"I'm sorry that I took off earlier tonight without letting you know," he whispered, pressing his lips against my cheek. "To be honest, I didn't know I was meeting Wyatt until I appeared at the door of the Dragonfly Pub. I didn't think I wanted anything to do with him."

I nodded, letting my fingers play with the back of his hair. "And now?"

James frowned, his eyes once again gazing out towards the fields behind his home. Our home. "He still left."

"He's still your brother."

He didn't respond, brooding silently. I didn't know what was running through my boyfriend's head, nor would he probably tell me, but I knew he was dealing with so much inner turmoil. "I know," he eventually spoke. "That's where I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

He let out a quiet sigh, nodding slowly as he carefully thought out his next words. "One day, I'll forgive him."

I nodded. "One day, he'll earn it."

James locked eyes with me and I was surprised to see a smile creep on to his face. He caught me off-guard by pressing his lips lightly against mine and then kissing my forehead, so comforting and thoughtful. "I love you so much, Lils," he whispered.

Not that I minded the affirmation but it felt slightly out of place. "Where did that come from?" I murmured curiously.

An off-putting chuckle escaped from his lips. "What, a guy can't say he loves his girlfriend?"

I cringed guiltily, laughing. "No, that's not what I meant. You can tell me you love me whenever you want," I urged. "You just sound…" I trailed off, not sure what I was trying to say.

"What?"

I glanced at him. "Tell me you're alright, James."

Another flicker of panic flashed across his face and he turned away from me quickly. "I will be," he urged.

I frowned. That wasn't what I asked. "Tell me that _we'll _be alright," I pleaded.

He turned to me, startled. "What? OF course we'll be alright. Lily, you're the only one that gets me through my day. Especially now that I get to come home to you. With all the crap I've had to deal with, you keep me sane. You keep my head aboveground. You're the only reason I ever smile anymore. You make me feel alive. You make me feel like _me_. No matter what happens, _we _will _always _be alright."

Relief washed over me and I pressed my lips firmly to his, framing his face with my now numb hands. "Well, then, I guess I love you, too."

He smiled, running his fingers slowly through my hair, his eyes never wavering from mine. I don't know how long we sat there, just staring at each other, but for the first time in a long time, I felt as if maybe everything was finally going to be okay.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I trudged into work that morning praying that for once I could just have a normal day. I didn't want to find out that someone had been attacked. I didn't want to hear about anyone else dying. I didn't want to think or talk about Wyatt's return. I just wanted to track down some leads on the occasional Death Eater's whereabouts, finish my crime reports from the recent attack, and spend a lot of time pounding into a heavy weight bag in the training rooms. Was that so much to ask?

Apparently.

"You look like you didn't sleep at all last night," Sydny greeted me as I entered our cubicle.

"And a good morning to you, too, Sunshine," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

She chuckled, returning to the mound of papers in front of her.

I don't know what possessed me to bring it up but I found myself blurting out, "I went to see Wyatt last night."

She stiffened slightly before nodding. "I know."

I scowled, slipping into my chair with frustration. "You spoke to him?"

"No," she corrected, glancing over her shoulder. "I just knew that your need for answers was going to outweigh your anger and frustrations."

"You don't know me."

She let out a heavy sigh. "When are you going to realize, James, that unfortunately I know more about you than either one of us would care to admit?"

"You know facts. That's it. You don't know _me_."

She hesitated. "Alright, that's fair. I'll give that to you."

"Nothing about this is fair," I snorted.

"Yeah, I'll give that one to you, too."

"Stop throwing me bones. I don't deserve them."

"Bones?"

I hesitated. "Muggle expression. Damn, I've been hanging out with Lily for far too long."

She still looked confused. "Well, whatever the hell it means, I'm simply agreeing with you, Potter. Is that so surprising?"

"Yeah, kinda. I thought you rather enjoyed getting into rows with me."

She rolled her eyes. "This might come as a shock, but I don't _enjoy _arguing with you, Potter. You just happen to often be wrong."

I scowled. "I really don't like you sometimes."

She grinned. "I get that a lot."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," I muttered as I whirled around to face my own heap of paperwork.

"Hey, James."

I glanced up briefly at the sound of Dedalus Diggle's voice. "Hey, what's up?"

"You have a guest," Dedalus greeted.

My eyes narrowed in confusion. All of the people who came to see me know where my cubicle is and just come straight to me. "Who?"

Dedalus hesitated and I sensed uneasiness. "Your father."

My quill slipped from my hand in shock. That was the last person I was expecting at my office. Ever since he relocated to the Italian Auror offices, I have had very little contact with him. I had heard tidbits and snippets about him seeing as he was the Second-in-Command in the Italian Office, but I personally haven't spoken to him since I was home for Brite's funeral. He was at Jaron's funeral, but stayed in the back the entire time and left before the end. I'm not sure if it was to avoid his own feelings or to avoid us.

I was so caught up with my own surprise that I barely noticed the panicked look on Sydny's face.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I was enjoying my latte at Corner Joe's with that morning's _Daily Prophet_ in my hand when someone slipped into the empty chair across from me. I glanced up and frustration boiled from deep within. "That seat's taken."

Keegan frowned. "By who?" she asked skeptically.

"Anyone that isn't you."

She sighed. "Nice to see you, too," she muttered to herself.

"It's never nice to see you, Rouge."

"How welcoming of you," she replied sarcastically. "Look, Black, the other night I never should have brought up Ril-"

"If you plan to stay, you will _not _mention Riley in my presence."

Her lips pursed. "You really don't get it, do you?" she muttered sullenly.

"Is there any point in me telling you I don't care what you have to say next or are you pretty much going to tell me anyway?"

She clearly found that less than amusing. "It's amazing how much you and I are one and the same, Black, even if you'd prefer not to admit that. Yes, you got defensive the other night, just as you are now. And you were totally in your right the other night as I shouldn't attempt to relate to you about something I know very little about. But your defensiveness had very little to do with me and almost everything to do with trying to keep up this tough act you're so convinced you need to have in fear of showing just a slight bit of vulnerability. Something I'm a pro at as well."

"What the hell are you babbling about?" I snapped.

She shrugged. "I'm just saying that is appears to be really easy for you to act like you're usual guarded, defensive, stubborn self and push me away when I try to make even the slightest gesture towards understanding your predicament. It's become second nature to you to push away all of the feelings from your past."

I felt anger boiling up inside of me again. But it wasn't anger towards her. It was anger towards myself. Because I knew she was right. And I hated that she was right. "And so what if I do?" I muttered. "What is the big deal?"

She didn't respond immediately, her eyes staring at me with a sense of curiosity and longing. "I don't care that you do, Black," she eventually said, her voice soft. "We all do it. Including me."

"So…" I started slowly, "Then what exactly did you want with me the other night?"

She frowned, biting down on her bottom lip insecurely. "Nothing," she murmured. "I wanted nothing. I didn't go to you looking for answers or a solution. I didn't go to you begging for you to tell me to stay. I didn't go to you to discuss our similar histories. I didn't go to you for any reason except to apologize. I did that and I said my goodbyes. And I guess I can do the same now." She got up from the table and headed out.

Merlin's beard, this girl was a piece of work. "Now who's avoiding their feelings?" I called out after her.

She hesitated before turning around to glare at me. "Ah, yes, because trying _not _to avoid them the other night worked out so well in my favor."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously? Are we back here? Playing our defensive games? Throwing around insults? The biting sarcasm? The need to push away any resemblance of understanding? We're just supposed to go back to the way things were before the blow-up we had the other night?"

"Of course," she retaliated immediately. "It's what we do. We insult each other back and forth until one of our comments actually hits a nerve. Then we ignore each other for days until we get bored of not flinging insults at each other. Then the cycle starts all over."

"We need a new cycle."

"No shit. Why do you think I showed up on your doorstep the other night?"

"I was hoping you were looking for Remus."

She smirked. "Maybe I was."

"Course if you had asked him anything about Jillian, I think that beer bottle I smashed against the wall would have been smashed over your head."

"I'm impressed you didn't clobber me with a beer bottle."

"I had considered it."

She smiled and I was shocked to realize that I couldn't even remember the last time I saw her smile in my presence. Scowling and smirking was something I was more accustomed to. "I really hadn't come to you for any reassurance, Black. I had only wanted to apologize."

"Why?" I asked curiously. "Since when did you ever care about apologizing to me about anything?"

She blinked hesitantly. "Chalk it up to me being thrown by my break-up with Fabian."

"As you should be considering you pretty much single-handedly caused it."

She cringed and I could tell the comment might have been a tad unnecessary. "I know you're right but it doesn't make it any easier to admit that that break-up was inevitable."

I frowned. "I never said it was inevitable."

"You were thinking it."

True. "It didn't have to be inevitable, Rouge," I pointed out. "Whatever reasons were behind you not showing up at the hospital, if you had provided even the slightest bit of insight from your past to Fabian, that relationship could have been rectified."

It was her turn to frown. "I don't get how you can sit here and tell me to open up about my past when you have made it abundantly clear that any mention of…of you-know-who can earn them a trip to the hospital."

I really hated when she was right. I reached out for my latte and sipped it slowly before gazing up at her knowing smirk. "Alright," I said softly, clearing my throat and sitting back in my chair. "Do you honestly want to sit here and debate our pasts? You want to talk about vulnerability? About running and hiding from your feelings and running from the past? From your relationships? From the people who have hurt you? From _yourself_? Because we can discuss if you want. I'm all ears." I wasn't but I was tired of her attempting to goad me.

"Forget it, Black," she muttered. "The moment passed where I thought I might be able to have a level-headed conversation with you. I had clearly been a fool for thinking so."

I grew quiet, thinking about the conversation we shared on Tuesday night. I knew I had overreacted slightly, though I don't think I was wrong for being angry over her need to dredge up my past relationship to which she knew nothing about. However, I also knew that any mention of Riley Gilmore can send me into an unnecessary tailspin. "Maybe," I sighed reluctantly, shaking my head. "But let's face it, I was a fool, too."

When I gazed over at Keegan, she looked surprised that I would even admit that.

Hell, I was even surprised that I admitted that.

I sighed. I probably shouldn't have admitted that.

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

My eyebrow rose inquiringly. "Please do elaborate," I said, a hint of a smile on my face.

He shot me a look. "Don't look so amused," he protested. "I guess in the spirit of apologies, I'm sorry for blowing up at you the way I did."

I sighed. "I deserved it."

"Well, yeah, but I'm trying to be nice."

I found that amusing and laughed in response. "I hadn't realized you knew how to do that."

"It comes and goes."

"More often goes?"

He rolled his eyes, throwing me an exasperated look. "Seriously, that seat is taken."

I couldn't help but laugh yet again. As I glanced over at him, I was very aware that he was back to hi happy-go-lucky self instead of his guarded, anxious self. "Y'know, you're not so terrible, Sirius Black."

"That was almost a compliment."

"It's the best you're going to get from me," I spoke with a wink, slowly lifting myself off the chair. "Well, I guess I should be heading into work. Thanks for the-"

"Wait, Rouge," he blurted out frantically, reaching for my arm before I could step past him.

When I glanced down at him, I saw guilt resting in his eyes. "Yeah?"

He winced, slowly retreating my arm from his own. He rubbed the side of his coffee cup with his thumb awkwardly, refusing to meet my eye. "Don't pack," he said softly. "Don't run. Don't hide. Stay put. Not for me obviously but for everyone else. For the friends you've made here. And for yourself. You deserve better than always being on the run."

Damn, he had the guilt trip thing down pact. "Why should I listen to you?"

He shrugged. "There was a reason you came to me on Tuesday, was there not?"

I met his gaze, hesitating with my words. "Like I said before," I spoke slowly, hesitantly slipping back into the chair across from him (I will question this decision later). "The moment's passed."

"Well, can I use this moment to ask you a question?"

"No."

He did anyway. "What was the start of all the running and the hiding?"

"That," I said rather quickly and defensively, "Is none of your business."

"It seems to me you wanted to make it my business on Tuesday."

"How many times do I have to tell you that-"

"The moment's passed," he muttered irritably. "Yeah, yeah. If you ask me, you're just doing more running and hiding."

I shrugged. "And so what if I am? I've done a damned good job at it thus far. Seems to me I can continue doing so for as long as I see fit."

He frowned. "How long will that be?"

I didn't respond but 'forever' seemed like a good answer. "You want to tell me about Riley?"

He flinched. "I already told you what happened on Tuesday," he muttered irritably.

"You more or less screamed it," I joked.

He looked less than amused. "You provoked me."

I shrugged. "Perhaps."

"So, tit for tat? I told you my story, you tell me yours?" he asked.

"Not a chance."

"Aw, c'mon," he said with a teasing smile. "I'm not going to use it against you."

I found those words a tad awkward. "I know you won't," I said matter-of-factly. "You can be an arse, but you'd never throw it back in my face. You'd have to be the biggest scumbag in history to do something like that. Just like I'd never throw what happened between you and Riley back in your face. I may be evil at times, but I'm not a coldhearted bitch."

He opened his mouth to retaliate, but I cut him off. "I have feelings, Black. I may hide them for the most part, but they're there. And I know what it feels like to get hurt. I know what it feels like to feel overwhelming pain. And that is something I would never, _ever _shove back in someone else's face. Not even yours."

"Gee, how generous of you," he smirked. He hesitated before asking, "Did some loser boyfriend of yours walk out on you?"

"Tristan wasn't a loser," I immediately defended. "And no, he didn't walk out on me. He wasn't given the chance to."

"Well, whatever the hell it is he did to you, he's an ass for doing so. Abandonment hurts no matter what the circumstances."

I couldn't agree with the first comment but the second comment was dead-on. "Yeah," I muttered uncomfortably. "You don't have to tell me twice."

"What happened?" he dared to ask.

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. And unfortunately I saw the compassion that I had been searching for Tuesday night. My heart started beating a mile a minute and silence fell over the two of us.

"If you want understanding, I'm here," he said with a shrug.

Damnit, why did I have to knock on his door on Tuesday? Why did he have to answer? I had no idea why he was trying so hard to get me to talk but it was slowly irritating me. He didn't get to be stubborn and push me away that night and then expect the opposite outcome from me. No way in hell was I caving just because Sirius Black seemed to know the right things to say. "I don't want to talk about this," I murmured hesitantly.

"Yes, you do," he argued, narrowing his eyes. "You _do _want to talk about it. You're just afraid that once you do, you'll have no reason to run or hide anymore. And somewhere in the past four years, running and hiding became second nature to you. It became easy. It became your safety blanket. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you destroyed that safety blanket the moment you opened yourself up to a line of questioning from me starting with last night. So I'm not backing down. I'm not getting out of your doorway. We may not particularly like each other, Rouge, but that doesn't mean we haven't been down a similar path in our lives. So talk. Because I'm here to listen, I'm here to understand, and I'm here to help. As much as I possibly can."

"You can't help," I snapped, shaking my head. "This isn't a problem you can fix. Nor do I want you to."

He shrugged. "Maybe I can at least answer some of the questions that I know are jumbling around in your head. The same questions that are running through mine."

I shook my head. That is where he was completely wrong. "No," I retaliated, my voice rough. "You _can't _answer my questions. No one can."

"I can try," he urged.

"No, you can't!" I cried out in a hoarse whisper. "Did you ever stop and think, Sirius, that you're one of the goddamned lucky ones? That even though Riley left, she…" I stopped short, shaking my head irritably.

Shock gleamed in his eyes. "'Lucky?'" he growled, his fists clenching. "Lucky that I had my heart broken? Lucky that the girl I was madly in love with just _walked out _on me without so much as a goodbye or an explanation? Lucky that-"

"Yeah!" I interrupted, glaring at him. "Yeah, you were lucky! On Tuesday, you said you thought you had five days left to spend with Riley before she was supposed to leave. But I thought I had a _lifetime _with Tristan. We had our whole lives planned out. He was my _everything_. My world. I…I had never believed I could find someone who I could love so much and who could love me back until Tristan came into my life." I hesitated, trying to catch my breath, squeezing my eyes shut as I remembered the fateful day almost four years earlier when I was told the horrible news. The news that changed my life.

I was very much aware that tears were stinging in my eyes as I glanced back up at a curious Sirius. And then I said the words I hadn't been able to since the day it happened.

"But then he died."

* * *

**A/N: **Lots going on in that chapter! I hope it was worth the wait. Sorry to leave you with not one but two cliffhangers - go ahead and call me all sorts of names right now. I deserve them!

Up next: more on Mr. Potter, James reaches a breaking point, and lots of tequila shots.


	16. Of Amends, Tequila, & Hate

**A/N: **Yeah, I'm a bad person for leaving you with two cliffhangers. But enough about that. Let's just dive right into the next chapter!

**Disclaimer: **Almost everything you read here belongs to the talented J.K. Rowling...except for the occasional character and plot line.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 16: Of Amends, Tequila, & Hate

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

I froze completely when I heard that Jonathan Potter was in the office. He had been the liaison in the British office when the situation with my father occurred and now that he was the Second in Command at the Italian Auror Offices, I could guarantee he had been fully briefed on the incident. It was not only a huge scandal in Italy but it was something that everyone throughout the wizarding world knew far too much about and I was afraid that with Jonathan Potter in my presence, my entire cover would be blown.

"Uh, sure," I heard James mutter behind me to Dedalus. "Send him down."

I buried my head in my work, my heart beating a mile a minute. I heard the footsteps but didn't dare turn around. Not a word had been uttered for quite some time and I could only presume they were staring each other down.

Finally, James spoke. "Dad," he said, his voice wavering slightly, "What are you doing here?"

"Your brother's back."

A sigh escaped James' lips. "Yeah, I know."

Pause. "You do?"

"Yeah, he came to see me two nights ago," he muttered hesitantly. "Well, he actually came to see you and Mom but seeing you abandoned us four years ago and Mom doesn't live in Potter Manor anymore, I was the one who spoke to him."

There was a lot of bitterness in James' voice and I suddenly felt very sorry for him. He had had this amazing life for so many years and starting with the day Wyatt disappeared, his world had started to collapse. For the first time since I came to London, I realized we had a lot in common.

"Is he alright?"

"Well, he's not dead so I guess there's that," he drawled sarcastically.

"And he really came looking for his mother and me?"

"Dad, what the hell are you doing here?" James asked, his voice growing with irritation.

By the sounds of rustling, I assumed that Jonathan Potter leaned up against James' desk with a heavy sigh. "Look, James, Wyatt is in immense danger. He will be…er…well, I can only presume that he will be going into hiding soon. I would-"

"I already know this."

There was another long pause. "How much did he tell you?"

"Dad!" James cried out irritably. "As far as I know, you haven't bothered showing your face in London since JT's funeral and you certainly haven't set foot in this office since you transferred to Italy so this must be pretty damn important. Do you mind just getting to your point already?"

"I need to see him."

Even I was shocked by that declaration.

"You drove him away. Why the hell do you need to see him now?" His voice was filled with accusation.

"I know I drove him away. I-I know that I was the reason he ran off," he whispered. "I need to make amends, James. Or at least talk to him. And I know that I need to do that before he goes into hiding or I'll lose any chance of speaking to him. I don't expect you to understand, but-"

"What I don't understand is what I can do to help."

There was another long pause where I couldn't help but wonder the same thing. It was obvious that he hadn't known James had had any contact with Wyatt so how could James help him get in contact with Wyatt?

"Well, I'm not really here to see you," he finally said.

Yet again, I was filled with confusion.

"Well, then who are you here to see?"

"Her."

I didn't need to be facing them to know that both of their eyes were resting on the back of my head. I was left completely dumbfounded. How Jonathan Potter had any clue that I was involved with Wyatt was beyond me. I slowly turned around in my chair to face the two of them. James was staring at me, looking helpless and downtrodden. I figured that had more to do with seeing his father than it had to do with me. But Jonathan was looking at me with a hopeful expression, almost desperate.

I played dumb. "And who are you?"

James rolled his eyes at me. "Don't pretend you haven't been listening."

I sighed and glanced towards Jonathan Potter. It had been nearly nine years since I had seen him last (and those circumstances were definitely graver) and I wondered if he even knew who I really was nine years later. Glancing at him, he looked infinitely older. Large bags filled the spaces under his eyes and his hair was now completely gray. His right leg was jittering anxiously and he looked distressed. Something told me it was a permanent look and not just due to his son's reappearance after so many years. "How exactly am _I _supposed to help you?" I asked hesitantly.

"I've been told you might have information on his whereabouts."

"_What_?" James asked, confused.

I hesitated, ignoring James. "Who did you talk to?"

He hesitated, his gaze flickering slightly over at his son.

"Let me guess," James interjected with a mutter. "Dumbledore or Moody?"

Jonathan didn't respond immediately, the frown on his face becoming rather permanent. He met my gaze. "Alastor," he said softly. "I had him promise years ago to inform me if he ever heard of Wyatt returning."

"Who says Wyatt even wants to talk to you, Dad?" James asked, the bitterness of his tone shining through.

"He probably doesn't but that's not going to stop me."

"He's in danger, sir," I pointed out hesitantly. "If I put you two in touch, you're putting yourself in danger."

"I know all about the danger he's in and I appreciate your concern, but-"

"You know?" James said with an irritable groan. "Bloody hell, did everyone know before I did?"

The words were ignored by Jonathan. "I know the only reason he put himself in the ultimate precarious position was because of me. So I would hope you could understand the severity behind my reasons for needing to speak to my son."

I could. I just wasn't so sure it was a good idea.

"Oh, just help him, Lafevre," James snapped. "Maybe then he'll scurry off back to Italy and leave the rest of us behind. Leaving a family behind seems to be a common theme amongst the Potters."

Ouch.

"James, please-"

"I have to go help the recruits with concealment training," he spoke coolly, climbing off of his chair. "Nice seeing you again, Dad." The words were filled with sarcasm.

I jumped up from my chair, blocking James' way out of the cubicle. "You don't have that training for another hour," I pointed out.

He scowled at me. "I need to prepare."

"Oh, you do not. You're a master of concealment charms, Potter."

"Compliments aren't going to keep me from leaving."

"They should considering I never give you any."

"Stop stalling me, Lafevre."

"Stop trying to run off!"

"Are you always this annoying?"

"Hah! Look who's talking, Potter."

"And now look who's leaving."

"_James_."

"_Sydny_."

I sighed. "You're impossible, y'know that?"

"James, please don't run off," Jonathan finally spoke up, desperation flickering in his eyes. "Wyatt isn't the only son I'd like to make amends with."

"You're about four years too late for that, Dad," James snapped. "Go find your other sons to grovel to. Oh, that's right, you can't because two of them are already dead! Are you just making the rounds now knowing we're all going to be picked off one by one sooner or later?"

The color in Jonathan's face drained as he steadied himself against the desk. "I'm making the rounds, James, because after all of these years, you deserve the truth."

"I've already learned the truth from Wyatt, thank you very much."

Jonathan hesitated as he slowly met my gaze. I could see the hesitant guilt in his eyes and I desperately prayed that whatever 'truth' he was referring to wasn't the truth I so desperately did not want James to know. "I'm not talking about the truth behind Wyatt's disappearance. I'm talking about the truth behind why Voldemort is after the Potters."

Oh, shit. My head was screaming in panic. I desperately tried to find anything to say to break up this reunion before it went too far.

Thankfully, James saved the day. "I hardly think you would know anything about that considering you walked away from the Potter name four years ago."

"I walked away to protect all of you," he urged in a guilty whisper. "I left because I thought that might lessen the target on your back Voldemort had been determined to put there a long time ago. A target that is there because of me. I thought I was doing what was necessary to save my family."

"Turning your back on us was the way to _save _us?" James scowled, his voice carrying over to nearby cubicles. I wasn't surprised when heads began to turn our way.

"Please just let me explain," he pleaded.

"I am so bloody tired of everyone leaving and bringing their secrets with him just to claim it's in my best interest," James snapped, the anger in his eyes unmistakable. "Maybe not keeping me in the dark is in my best interest! Did anyone ever consider that?"

I frowned. "Potter, you-"

"Don't even get me started on you, Lafevre," he snapped, shooting me the coldest look I've seen from him as of yet. "It's as if any time I find out anything about the happenings of my tragic life, you're just smack dab right in the middle of it."

_You have no idea how 'in the middle' of it I really am, James Potter_. "I'm sorry, Potter," I said softly. And I meant it. I really did.

"That would hold a lot more weight if you didn't have so much to be sorry for," he scoffed.

"I know," I admitted remorsefully.

"James, please," Jonathan spoke up once again. "Just hear me out. It's all I ask."

"You lost the right to ask me anything after abandoning your family," James sneered. There was so much hostility and resentment in his voice and in his expression. I knew that while a lot of it was targeted towards his father, some of it was targeted towards myself and Wyatt and Dumbledore and Moody and Voldemort and frankly, the world. "I get why you thought you had to do it but what about after what happened with Jaron? Was that not a tip-off that you running off to Italy didn't seem to sway Voldemort's plans? And did you even know that Dezzy was attacked recently on her honeymoon? Did you even know she was _married_ considering you didn't bother showing up for the wedding? Do you know anything about our family anymore, Dad? Because frankly if you did, you would have tried making amends a lot earlier than now. Save your breath because I don't want to hear it. Now if you excuse me, I need to be anywhere else but here."

He slid past his father and practically stormed down the hallway. The uneasy expressions on my surrounding coworkers' faces didn't go unnoticed but my gaze fell upon Jonathan in the end.

"He's one hell of a stubborn guy," I said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

He frowned. "He's one hell of an angry guy," he said softly. "And he has every right to be."

I couldn't argue with that.

"Now where did we land on the whole you being able to help me locate Wyatt?"

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

"But then he died," Keegan had said.

Oh, shit.

I froze, not sure what to even say or do. For the first time in my entire life, I had no words to say. My face drained of all color as I glanced up at Keegan, remorse weighing heavily in my eyes. "Keegan-"

"I don't want to hear it, Black," she spoke, her voice trembling with every word. "Ever. Don't ever try to tell me that I don't know what it feels like to not say goodbye or what it feels like to be abandoned. Don't talk to me about all the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. Don't talk to me about heartbreak or losing the love of your life. Because at least Riley is still out there somewhere. _Tristan Moreau is dead_. And I realize that that means he didn't leave me on his own volition, but it hurts nonetheless. Maybe it hurts more. Because I know that I will never, _ever _get to see him again. I will never get closure and I will never be able to say good-bye to him. I'll never get any of that. So as weird as it may sound, you're lucky. Because maybe one day you'll find the answers to all those questions in your head," she spat out in a hurt whisper. Tears glistened in the bottom of her eyes and she didn't even try to disguise them. She gazed up at me and for the first time since I met her, I saw vulnerability. I saw fear. But mainly, I saw pain. "Unfortunately, I never will."

She slammed her empty coffee cup down on the table and stormed off before I could even process what was happening. I felt awful for the way I acted. I had been a royal jerk to her the other night and even now, I had been a bit cheeky. I had thought she was going to give me some spiel about how some guy had broken her heart years ago by dumping her and as it turned out, the worst thing that possibly could have happened to anyone happened to her. Riley might have disappeared in the middle of the night (which is an entirely different phase of hurt) but she was still alive somewhere. While I may not feel like I ever want to speak to her again, I could potentially get the answers to the questions running through my mind if I ever desired them. But Tristan was gone forever.

Maybe she did have an idea of what I had gone through. But I sure as hell didn't have a clue what she had gone through. Nor did I try to even understand. I wasn't sure exactly why I had egged her on that morning. But I had a feeling it had more do to with curiosity than actual compassion like I had said. I hadn't been ready to hear what she had to say. Because maybe she had been right the other night. Maybe a part of me _had _been scared that she knew a little about what I had gone through with Riley. It's a lot easier pretending as if you're fine when someone isn't staring at you in scrutiny every time you say you're fine. It's the look of pity I sometimes saw from Remus. The look of pity I sometimes _gave _to Remus. I didn't know the whole story of what happened between him and Jillian, no one did, but heartbreak was heartbreak. And when you lost someone earlier than you had anticipated without a goodbye and without any closure, that heartbreak hurt even more. It's what happened to me. It's what happened to Remus. And it's apparently what happened to Keegan.

No wonder Keegan was so cynically sarcastic and defensively guarded all the time. Why shouldn't she be? She lost the love of her life in the worst way possible and I could guarantee she was afraid it was going to happen again to the next guy she dated. It's why she didn't like to get close to anyone. To guys or to potential friends. It's why she ran all the time. Because it's harder staying put when you might have face the reality of your failed relationships. Some by choice, some not. All starting with Tristan Moreau.

I froze. Wait, had she really said Tristan Moreau? As in _the _Tristan Moreau? My heart stopped as my coffee cup fell out of my hands and to the table, splattering lukewarm coffee on to my slacks. But I barely noticed.

My mind was swarming with a million overwhelming thoughts. The only one I tried listening to was the one telling me I needed to talk to James and Fabian.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

My immediate reaction was to storm down to the training facilities and take my aggression out on the track. But as I slipped past Moody's office, my feet had an entirely different plan.

Without even bothering to knock (an error in judgment clouded by frustration I later realized), I pushed open his half-shut door and then proceeded to slam the door behind me. I didn't really want witnesses for the shouting match I was about to have.

"I have always looked up to you, Moody," I started rather calmly. "You have been an inspiration to me since day one here. Since before I even started here! I heard all about you through my father and through Brite and through Nora. You were someone I always strove to become. I had believed that I could trust you with my life – and hell, on occasion I _have _trusted you with my life! But to find out that after all of these years, you've been keeping a vaultfull of _endless _secrets about _my _life has made me question a lot of that trust!" I knew I was on the verge of hysterics but at that moment, I didn't care.

He blinked, clearly thrown by the early morning interruption. He placed his quill slowly down on his desk and leaned back in his chair, a frown creeping on to his complacent expression. "I understand you're angry, James, but I think we both know it's not me you are truly angry with. You are just taking out your frustrations on me."

"With just cause," I snapped.

"I never said it wasn't justified," he was quick to argue. "You can yell at me and insult me and berate all you want as I've scolded myself on numerous occasions for the way things have turned out."

"Does that include having my deadbeat father show up at the office out of the blue because you decided it would be a good idea for him to know Wyatt is back?"

Moody frowned broodingly. "Jonathan showed up here?"

"He's with Lafevre right now."

He blinked. "He's here _now_?"

"That's what I just said, isn't it?"

His eyes met mine. "That must have come as quite a shock to you."

"Ya think?" I snorted. "Why all the secrets, Moody? Why the conspiracies and the sneaking around and the backstabbing? Why has my life been so enamoring to you these past couple of years?"

"James-"

"Was I only accepted into this damn Auror Department because you wanted to keep a close eye on me?"

"Now that's not fair," he retaliated, giving me a stern look. "You and I both know you're one of the best damned Aurors in this Department so don't go belittling your career out of frustration."

"Well, what do you expect me to believe?" I shot back, slowly pacing across the floor as I often did when feeling anxious. "From what I understand, the tragedies of my life have been in the forefront of your mind and Dumbledore's and apparently some chick I only just recently met and, oh yeah that's right, _Voldemort's_, yet I'm only just finding out that death is pretty much inevitable for every single person in my life!"

"Don't you think that's a tad dramatic?"

"Can you _blame_ me for being dramatic, Moody!?" I roared.

"No," he responded almost immediately. "I know you're freaking out inside, James. I know-"

"I'm not freaking out."

A smirk appeared on his face. "Screaming at your boss isn't freaking out?"

I frowned, halting my pacing to gaze at him in pure unamusement. "I'm not screaming. Just venting."

He shrugged. "Whatever it is, you have every right to be concerned. You've been provided with a lot of information recently that I'm sure is making your head spin. Whatever Albus or Sydny or Wyatt told you can't be easy to retain."

"How the hell did you know I spoke to Wyatt?" I muttered. "Do you and Sydny hold clandestine meetings every night to talk about the happenings of my life?"

He chuckled. "We keep each other informed."

"Why did you move her here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Seems to be that she was doing a better job of being a protector when in France. She shows up on the scene and then suddenly people are dying and being kidnapped and being attacked left and right."

Moody's eyes turned wary. "She's not working for Voldemort if that's what you're insinuating."

"That's not what I'm insinuating," I was quick to argue. "I'm just wondering why now. Why after all of these years of her apparently working for you did you think now would be a good time for her to be transferred here?"

He hesitated, not entirely meeting my gaze and I had a feeling that whatever he was about to say was going to be a vague version of the truth. "She requested to be transferred."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "You'd have to ask her that."

"Not sure if you've noticed, though you'd be blind not to, but we're not exactly the type to swap the intimate details of our personal lives with each other."

He tried to suppress a smile with little luck. "I think you two might be two of the most stubborn people I've ever worked with."

"Thanks, it's one of my best traits," I said quickly with a teasing smile.

Damnit, how does Moody do that? One minute I'm furious with him and the next, I'm joking with him.

"Keep your head up, James," he urged, a sense of pleading in his voice. "If you don't, you'll be swallowed into a pit of fear and depression and you're better than that. We need you ever-so-sprightly."

"Did you just call me sprightly?"

He grinned. "It was either that or nimble. I thought you'd prefer the former."

I rolled my eyes. "You really are mad, y'know that?"

"So I've been told."

As I wandered out of his office, I knew that the anger and fear and betrayal resting in the pit of my stomach had very little of it targeted towards Moody. Four years of working under him has taught me that he has always had his Aurors' best interests at heart and has proceeded to treat everyone with the respect they deserved. And I just had to go storming into his office and give him a reason not to respect me.

Damnit, these past few days have really been screwing with my head. I just prayed that eventually the overwhelming drama would die down.

I knew deep down that that was a prayer that would never come true.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

I had no idea if I was doing the right thing. Hell, I had no idea what to even say but I knew I had to do it now before I chickened out. I wanted so badly to let this information die with me (and inevitably Keegan), especially seeing as James did not need any more tragedies coming back to bite him in the ass. He's already been dealt a pretty crappy hand and I hated to pile more on top of him, but what choice did I have?

"Hey, Sydny," I greeted, resting up against James' desk.

She glanced behind me, looking rather unsurprised that I had shown up. "Merlin's beard, word travels fast around here," she muttered.

I had no clue what that meant. "What word?"

She frowned, gazing at me curiously. "You're not here because one of the other Aurors thought it best to warn you?"

"About what?"

"Frank or Alice? Fabian? Nora or Moody?"

I shook my head. "Tell me what?"

"No one?"

"Will you quit talking in code and tell me what you're babbling about?"

She slowly turned around in her chair to face me. "Well, then what are you here about?" she asked, avoiding the question.

"_Sydny_."

She sighed, running her fingers anxiously through her long blonde locks. "I'm only telling you this because Potter is clearly in need of help, exhibited by his yelling match with his boss, and I'm hoping you might be able to give it to him, but-"

"Yelling match? With Scrimgeour?"

"Nah, Moody. But he-"

"_What_?" That thoroughly shocked me as it was evident James had always immensely looked up to Moody.

"I know, it came as a shock to all of us."

"So what set him off?"

She frowned, a deep crease appearing between her eyebrows. "His father did."

My brow furrowed hesitantly. "Excuse me?"

"He showed up here this morning."

"He _what_!?"

"Yeah, my reaction precisely."

I felt my limbs slowly grow numb as I tried to imagine what could have gone through my best friend's head running into his dad for the first time in three years. I steadied myself against the desk as the room slowly started to fade into the background, wondering why the hell the world was desperate to throw such tragedies and unfortunate surprises at James Potter. He deserved better. "What the hell did Mr. Potter want with James?"

She sighed. "He…he didn't want anything with James. He actually came looking for me. Asking about Wyatt."

That somehow just made it worse. "Where is James now?" I said softly.

"Training facilities," she replied immediately. "Be careful with him. He's been through a lot late-"

"You don't think I know that?" I snapped, shooting her a look before strolling out of the cubicle.

"Hey, Sirius!"

I hesitated before glancing over my shoulder. "Hm?"

"I'm sorry," she muttered reluctantly, the words clearly not easy for her. "I know that when he is suffering, you are, too. You're a good friend."

I had absolutely no idea how to take that so I chose not to respond, heading out of the Department and into the elevator.

I found James sprinting around the track and took a hesitant seat on one of the benches.

He nearly passed by me but after a quick double-take, he jogged over to me. I conjured up a towel and tossed it to him. "What are you doing here, Sirius?" he asked, swiping the sweat from his forehead.

I hesitated. What I had originally come to tell him clearly now had to wait. I wasn't about to make that day any worse for him. "Well, for one, I would love a play-by-play on your fight with Moody. Not many people are willing to go up against him."

He slowly removed the towel from his forehead. "Oh, you heard about that, hm?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "I heard about the other thing, too."

He didn't look me in the eye as he dropped on to the bench beside me. "I don't want to talk about it, Sirius. That's why I'm here and not up in that bloody cubicle with Lafevre and the rest of those curious Aurors constantly looking over my shoulder."

"We don't have to talk about it," I agreed with a shrug. "But I know it couldn't have been easy having your father show up after all these years just to find out he was actually looking for Sydny."

He sighed. "Story of my life, hm?"

"What?"

He frowned, slumping forward on the bench so he was resting his elbows on his knees. "When Wyatt showed up at Potter Manor, he hadn't come looking for me either."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that but I didn't question it. He looked so disparaged that I didn't want to add to it in any way. Based on the way he tilted his head to the side, I had a feeling he wasn't done saying what he needed to say anyway.

"And what really sucks," he continued, a tell-tale sign of regret visible in the crease on his forehead, "Is that I'm actually hurt by it. Two people who I have come to really be disappointed in and who I shouldn't care less about at the moment show up out of the blue and a part of me had actually wished they had sought _me _out. Two people who I have pretended to hate all this time but who I can't actually manage to for…hell, I don't even know. But what does that make me? A hypocrite, that's what."

"James-" but he cut me off.

"I haven't finished my run," he said, abruptly standing up off the bench. "See you later."

"James, c'mon," I urged but he was rushing off before anything could be said.

Damnit, all this time, I thought I had the most screwed up life but I was beginning to wonder if James took the cake on that one.

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

I hadn't seen James since he stormed out earlier but I wasn't surprised that he chose to remain hidden. I had no idea what I wanted to say to him anyway so I was somewhat relieved that he was MIA.

It wasn't until mid-afternoon that he reappeared. He was still wearing his work-out clothes, the sweat soaked through his T-shirt. I glanced up at him as he traipsed into our cubicle. He didn't say anything or even look at me. But he looked like a righteous mess. And that was saying a lot because as much as I knew a war had been brewing in James' mind and heart, he had always been so good at showing absolutely no sign of being burdened by any of it. Until today.

He grabbed a stack of folders and headed out.

"Potter, wait," I pleaded.

"I have nothing to say to you right now, Lafevre," he muttered, shrugging. "I have nothing to say to anyone. I-I just want to go home and forget that these past few days ever happened."

"You're going home?" That shocked my beyond belief. It was about two hours earlier than I've ever seen him leave the office.

He nodded.

I smiled. Maybe home was exactly what he needed. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow."

He looked slightly surprised that I didn't push it but merely nodded as he walked out.

I returned to my stack of crime reports, my thoughts immersed in Jonathan Potter and Wyatt and James and Voldemort. I wondered how Wyatt was going to react seeing his father again. I wondered what Jonathan would say to Wyatt and if Wyatt would be in a forgiving mood. I wonder if Jonathan would try to reach out to James again. I wonder if James would let –

"Lafevre?"

My thoughts were interrupted by James' voice.

"Potter? I thought you left."

"Why did you transfer to our Department?"

Of all the things he could have said, I was confused by that one. "Excuse me?"

He frowned. "Moody said you requested to move here. Why?"

My frown matched his as I slowly met his hopeful gaze.

"Please tell me this isn't another one of your secrets you're so determined to hide from me. You've got to give me something here, Sydny. Please."

I had never heard James say my first name or plead with me. So as I glanced up into his desperate-filled eyes, I decided to go with the truth this time around. I sighed, clearing my throat uncomfortably before saying, "It was right after the attack on the west coast. Regulus had been caught and then provided the Ministry with some names of Death Eaters who proceeded to go to jail. Some of them were Voldemort's most loyal, longstanding cohorts. Voldemort was livid. And Wyatt wrote me and said that things were just going to get worse. A lot worse. That we hadn't actually seen what Voldemort was capable of."

I remembered reading that letter and feeling such burden in his every word. For the first time in a while, I could sense the panic and fear emanating off the parchment.

I explained this to James, who looked rather calm as I spoke. "I felt helpless in France when it seemed all of Voldemort's righthand men were all British. I felt helpless there waiting for someone to tell me what to do when I could be part of the real action here. Moody agreed it might be wise to move me here. But the only way he would transfer me here is if I kept an eye on you. I agreed."

James frowned. "So that's it? You just felt helpless?"

"What, don't believe I could actually feel helpless?" I said with a teasing smile at an attempt to lighten this very dark mood.

"No, I do," he murmured. "Even the strongest of people are going to feel helpless at times."

I bet he was speaking from experience. "I'm sorry that it feels like ever since I showed up, things have just gotten worse for you."

He locked eyes with me, defeat twinkling dimly behind his glasses. "Things have always been bad."

"James-"

"Good night, Sydny."

The James Potter that walked out was someone I barely recognized. He looked so defeated, so clearly lost and broken over the events that have occurred recently. I wanted to believe that there was something I could do to halt the surprises that kept being thrown in James' direction but I was at a complete loss.

I was also at a loss as to why I seemed to care so much. I had always kept my heart out of my work and somehow James was actually worming his way into it. I knew it was because he reminded me a lot of myself.

And the reason I cared so much was because I didn't want anyone to turn out like me.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I knew immediately something was wrong when I heard my boyfriend's footsteps in the foyer at five-thirty that evening. I couldn't remember the last time James left the office before seven o'clock. "James?" I called out from my hideout in the library. I was curled up on the couch with some proposals that needed editing for Nyger, a glass of wine resting on the table in front of me.

Seconds later, I saw him peek into the room. He tried to smile at me but the smile didn't reach his eyes. It barely even passed for a smile. "You're home early," I said softly.

"Tired," he murmured, resting his head against the doorframe with a sigh. "Didn't exactly get a lot of sleep last night."

I frowned. Something seemed really off with him. He was talking but it was as if the words were robotic and void of any feeling. My heart skipped a concerned beat. "Hey, are you alright?"

He blinked, his expression unchanging. But the pain in his eyes was unmistakable. He didn't say anything, clearly trying to keep his emotions in check with very little luck. I could see the tortured emptiness resting heavily in his eyes. He was beginning to scare me.

I slowly sat up, placing the proposals on the table beside my wine. "What happened, James?" I dared to ask, my heart starting to race anxiously.

His bottom lip trembled subtly and he had to bite down on it to stop himself from showing any other form of vulnerability in front of me. In front of anyone. I knew the way James' mind worked. The slightest bit of vulnerability and he was afraid he would never be able to bounce back.

"James?" I whispered.

And then suddenly it was like he didn't even care anymore about being strong. There was a glimmer of a tear blinking in his eyes as he took a wobbly step into the library. He avoided looking at me as he fell into the couch beside me. For the first time since Brite's death, I saw the broken heart not only in James' eyes but in his entire demeanor. He just looked lost and hopeless, like a scared puppy locked outdoors in a rainstorm.

He shut his eyes tightly, clearly just trying to block out the rest of the world, as he slowly leaned over and placed his head into my lap. I instinctively started running my fingers through his hair gently, just trying to provide whatever comfort I could before finding out what had caused such a minor breakdown.

Eventually, he spoke, his voice hoarse and trembling, "Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you wanted to scream and cry and hex someone and hide under a floorboard all at the same time? That you just wanted to start walking towards the horizon and never turn back? Have you ever just hoped that if you closed your eyes and prayed hard enough that you could turn into someone else? _Anyone _else?"

I felt tears well up in my own eyes at how positively helpless he sounded. His voice sounded choked up, the words filled with so much anxiety. I pressed my lips against his forehead, letting them linger. "Yes," I said softly. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't felt that before."

He finally opened his eyes, turning to look up at me with remorseful wide eyes. "I'm sorry that you ever had to feel that way," he whispered, turning on his side as he traced circles along my bare leg. "No one should ever have to feel that. It's one of the worst feelings in the world."

I offered him a small smile of reassurance, stretching out my legs beside him, so I inevitably trapped him up against the back of the couch. He hooked his arm underneath my leg and drew me close to him, resting his head against my stomach. "What happened today, James?" I asked, resuming the stroking of his hair.

Silence followed except for the sounds of his heaving breathing. I didn't push it, letting the question linger resignedly in the air.

When he spoke, the words sent a shocked shiver down my spine. "My father showed up at the office today."

I had to blink numerous times before realizing he had actually said that. "Your…your father?"

He nodded curtly, helplessness once again filling his expression. His bottom lip began to tremble again but he didn't bother trying to hide it this time. "It's like I've been just trying to hold everything together for so long – through Brite and Jaron's deaths and through Caleb's death and through Dezzy and Drew being kidnapped and then our attack and having to sit by your bed in the hospital without knowing what would happen and then Wyatt's return and finding out Sydny and Moody and Dumbledore have been keeping secrets from me. Everything has been so…so messed up and I've gone on pretending it hasn't been. But I can't pretend anymore. This is real. It's happening. And unfortunately it's happening to me. Everything that's happened has just been piling on top of each other on top of _me_ and today was the last straw," he spoke in a choked whisper. "My father showed up asking for Sydny to help him find Wyatt and I-I just snapped. It was like I was watching every single one of these heartbreaks flash through my eyes and I needed an escape. Taking it out on my father seemed to be the easy option."

A tear slid down my cheek as I listened to him convey the years of emotions he had been holding back. I had wanted this for so long and now that I was watching his vulnerability on display, I could only wish that he had never had a reason to be this helplessly vulnerable. "Did it work?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm home early and I'm acting like a whiny prat. What do you think?"

"I think you're nothing like a whiny prat," I said with a reassuring smile, pressing my lips against his temples.

He gazed up at me, a sigh escaping from the end of his lips. "I'm sorry to be dumping this all on you. I just-"

"James, you _never _have to be sorry for that," I cut him off desperately, pulling lightly up on his hair lightly so that he was forced to look up at me. "That's what I'm here for. I'm always going to be here to listen to you. The good, the bad, the overwhelming. I love you, James. And when you're suffering, I am, too. You have to know that I will always be here for you to open up to. And maybe opening up to me might just be the way to once again become…well, perhaps underwhelmed?"

I was grateful when a smile crossed his lips. "Well, I'm pretty sure feeling underwhelmed is never going to happen, but considering about two minutes ago I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest and yet somehow you've talked me down, I guess I can see your point."

I leaned down to kiss him then, so grateful to have this man in my life. Our lips met briefly and yet so serenely. My lips molded to the desperation in James' lips, our tongues tangling together in a necessary heated passion. Our teeth grazed lightly as his hands inched up my thigh. It wasn't hesitant in the slightest, the need to be intimate with one another driving our kisses to be crushingly uninhibited.

As I slowly rolled on top of him, our legs weaving together yearningly, he whispered, "This certainly helps, too."

I giggled as my lips crashed against his once again. It started off slow and hesitant but it was clear we were both on the edge of breaking out into irresistible urgency, wanting – no, _needing _to fulfill our anxieties and fears through unbridled passion. As he pressed his lips hungrily to mine, with the kind of speed and desperation to complement our screaming heartbeats, I wouldn't help but be very aware that the fiery ardor emanating from deep within both of our hearts was something that had somehow been minimized over the past few months. Not to say that we didn't have passion because even four years later, his kisses were something I constantly craved. But it was as if the world had recently provided us with so many distractions that the intimacy we often felt for and with each other had been dwindled down to mere complacent adoration.

Except for that very moment. I had never wanted anything more in my entire life than I did in that moment and I had a feeling it had a lot to do with wanting to give James even the slightest ability to forget the recent events of his life. I wanted to be able to help him in any way I could and seeing as James wasn't exactly the most talkative when it came to his feelings, kissing him seemed to be the second best option. I was so in love with him that I just wished there was a way for me to remove all of the pain and angst that his life had become. I know I couldn't do that one kiss at a time but it was a start.

His lips trailed up my jawline towards my ear. "This morning I just wanted to walk away from this life and never turn back and now I can't seem to remember a single reason why," he whispered, his words muffled against my skin as he pressed a kiss behind my ear.

I frowned sullenly as his trail of kisses sped down my neck. "Walking away doesn't stop the world from turning."

"I'd be fine with that as long as that world just stopped turning upside down."

I pulled my head back to look at him, framing his face with my hands so he had nowhere to look except in my eyes. "It will, James."

He kissed my nose. "How can you be so sure?"

I couldn't. I wasn't. But I had to believe that at some point the tragedies had to stop. "I have to be," I whispered, meeting his lips with mine yet again. As they lightly grazed, I spoke, "I can't watch any of us go through any more pain. There's an uphill slope in front of us. There just has to be," I choked out.

I know I sounded desperate, feeling a rather unexpected onset of tears rush to my eyes. I tried blinking them away, but James caught them before I could. He pressed his lips underneath my eyes, quickly followed by swiping his thumb across before any of the tears could fall. "Hey, shh," he whispered, running his hands soothingly along my hairline. "I'm sorry to be such a bummer, Lily. Let's not think about the future right now, what do you say? Let's just think about this moment. Because hell, I'm kinda enjoying it." He smirked.

I whimpered a chuckle, touching my lips to his. "Damnit," I muttered guiltily, offering him a wary smile. "You're the one who comes in here needing to be talked down from a ledge and I'm the one who inevitably gets comforted." I touched my forehead to his. "You're too good to me, James Potter."

"Well, you deserve the best," he whispered, reaching out to remove the band holding up my hair into a ponytail. My hair cascaded down my shoulders as James buried his lips into the nook of my neck.

"Oh, I do, hm?" I said as his lips trained down my neck. He nudged the neckline of my shirt downward with his nose, pressing a kiss dangerously close to my breasts. "What might the best consist of?"

He grinned devilishly, meeting my impish gaze. "I have a pretty good feeling you're about to find out."

As he ripped my shirt over my head, I was definitely reminded of how much I loved him.

* * *

**++REMUS++**

"You know how we thought Wyatt returning was going to be the shock of the week?"

I pulled my head out of the refrigerator at the sound of Sirius' voice. "Bloody hell, what now?"

"James' father showed up at his work today."

I originally had my hand on a beer but I thought better of it and shut the refrigerator. "I'm thinking firewhisky. You?"

"Oh, most definitely."

As I wandered into our dining room towards the liquor cart, I asked, "What did he want with James?"

"He didn't," I muttered. "He wanted Sydny."

I glanced back into the kitchen where Sirius perched against the countertops. "Excuse me?"

"Looking for Wyatt I guess."

"How did he know Wyatt was back?"

"Beats me."

I poured two glasses and gestured towards the living room. Sirius took one of the glasses and followed me.

"So who's going to show up out of the blue next?" I muttered.

"Lord, don't ask that," he replied almost immediately as he settled into the couch. "I just pray it's not a member of my family."

I don't know. It might have been nice to hear something from my parents. They send me a postcard every once and a while but it's been months since I last heard from them. I tried hard thinking about them as I needed to not think about the idea of Jillian showing up out of the blue. She might not have been family but she had been close to it. She had ruined it single-handedly but she had been close to it. "Yeah," was all I could think of to say.

Sirius gazed over at me and I had to desperately avoid eye contact with him as he spoke. "Nothing has gone the way we had ever wanted it to, has it?"

I couldn't help but shake my head. "It would be nice to believe that we actually have control over the way our lives turn out, but as it so happens, our opinions and hopes mean jack shit. Fate has apparently dictated out lives whether we'd like to believe it or not."

He frowned. "Has fate made me born into a family who craves the Dark Side? Was it fate that caused you to be bit by a werewolf? Has fate caused your family to ignore you? Was it fate that brought such overwhelming tragedy on to James? Even to Lily? Why can't fate give us something to look forward to?"

I gazed into my best friend's anxious eyes. "It probably does. But it's just easier to focus on the bad."

"You could say that again," he muttered far too convincingly.

I sighed. "So how's James doing?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I went to see him in the training facilities but he didn't want to talk. I could tell he wasn't doing too well though. He's just going to completely shut down one of these days if something good doesn't happen to him soon."

"Do you think there's anything we could do for him?"

Sirius frowned, shrugging. "Get him drunk so he forgets that this is the life he was given?"

"I'm not so sure getting him drunk is going to make him forget everything."

"Yeah, I know. But hell, it's worth a shot if you ask me."

I smirked. "Or ten shots. Preferably of tequila."

Sirius grinned. "I like your thinking, Moony."

* * *

**++JAMES++**

"Aw, hell!"

"Damnit, don't you have a bedroom!?"

"My eyes!"

"You are far too horny for your own good!"

I lifted my head off of Lily's hair at the sounds of my best friends' cries. I cringed, grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and throwing it over my and Lily's naked bodies as I glared up at Remus and Sirius. "You guys should really learn to knock now that you don't live here anymore."

"I second that," Lily's muffled voice spoke against my chest.

"We come bearing the largest bottle of tequila the local liquor store had to offer, Prongs. You in?" Sirius asked with a quirked eyebrow.

I glanced curiously at my girlfriend who smiled, kissing my cheek. "Alcohol is second-best to sex when it comes to needing a release," she pointed out.

"Yeah, and there's no way in hell I'm doing the latter with you," Sirius argued. "Though I can't say the same for Remus."

"SIRIUS!"

Sirius ducked and rush out of the room, Remus quickly chasing after him.

I chuckled. It felt good to chuckle. "Thank you for tonight, Lily," I whispered, letting my lips dance sweetly against hers.

"You're thanking me for sex?" she teased, sucking lightly on my bottom lip.

"No," I whispered, running my fingers through her beautiful hair. "I'm thanking you for being able to make me feel better than I've felt in a really long time. Even with all of this going on, I know that if I can just come home to you every night, nothing else matters."

She smiled shyly, pressing her lips firmly against mine. Her tongue slipped into my mouth effortlessly, pressing her naked body up against mine. "You really know how to make a girl feel special, y'know that?"

I grinned and was about to respond when Sirius' shriek filled the mansion. "DAMNIT, POTTER, DON'T MAKE US FINISH THIS TEQUILA WITHOUT YOU!"

Both Lily and I laughed and she nudged me with her elbow. "Seems you've been summoned."

I shrugged and with another chaste kiss, threw on my clothes. I wasn't surprised to find Remus and Sirius sitting in the game room.

"Geez, took you long enough," Sirius snorted from the couch. "We're already four shots in."

"We're one shot in. He's exaggerating," Remus drawled.

Sirius rolled his eyes and gestured for me to join them. I obliged.

"So here's how this is going to work," Sirius said, pouring three shots of the tequila. "We are going to complain and vent and scream about all that's been going on in our fucked up lives one at a time and instead of anyone commenting, we're merely going to follow it up with a shot. Then when we're done with the venting, we're going to put it all in the past and move on. You in?"

It sounded far too good to be true but I hesitantly nodded. "I'm not going to say no to tequila."

Sirius smiled sadly, letting out a heavy sigh. "Okay, well then here goes," he spoke, raising up his shot glass. "Here's to losing Caleb. He was a good man and died far too young." He slid the other two shot glasses our way. We all lifted them up and clinked them together before downing the alcohol, the burning liquid sliding uninhibitedly down my throat.

Sirius poured another three as he turned to face Remus. "Moony? Anything you want to vent about?"

He frowned. "I hate what Jillian did to me. And I hate that I still hate it even five months later."

I looked over at him and saw betrayal resting in his eyes. I wanted to say something but seeing as that was against Sirius' rules, I merely downed the next shot. I tossed it back to Sirius and said, "I still have no idea what to make of my father showing up this morning. He wanted to…to make amends with me or whatever but why did it take him four years to come forward? Why did he have to wait until he heard about Wyatt returning to bother looking for me? And hell, was he even looking for me when he was really there for Sydny? I hate that he showed up. But what's really frustrating is that I actually hate it more that he didn't show up because of me."

Frowns appeared on both my friends' faces.

"Bottoms up," I said firmly, shooting them both a look before they could comment. They offered me lopsided, sad smiles before obliging.

"Can we take shots of water in between a few of these?" Remus muttered, grimacing.

Sirius glared at him. "No, because we're not complete wusses."

Remus rolled his eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Alright, then. Sirius, you're up."

He stared intently at the tequila bottle, clearly trying to choose his next words carefully. "I hate that every time I read the goddamned paper, I'm just waiting to see someone with the surname Black being implicated in the next crime. I hate that it should make me feel better about the decisions I've made but it just reminds me of where I came from."

Another shot downed.

Remus' turn. "I hate that I haven't heard from my parents in eleven months. I hate that they were too busy traveling South Africa to even want to show up to my wedding. I hate that they didn't bother visiting or even sending a goddamned postcard when they found out Jillian dumped me. I hate that they don't care."

Another shot.

"I hate that I don't hate that Wyatt showed up," I spoke softly. "I hate that I don't hate meeting up with him last night. I hate that I don't hate him at all. I hate that he left – even if I can come to terms with the reasons why – but I don't hate that he returned. And I hate myself for not hating any of it."

One more shot.

We weren't drunk but we were well on our way. And suddenly the tequila was just a mere nonentity. We continued to get things off our chest without feeling the need to comfort each other or even offer words of sympathy but we didn't need the alcohol to make us feel as if we couldn't spew these words otherwise. We were just three best friends finally willing to admit the heavy burdens we've been carrying around in our hearts for months.

Sirius said, "I hate that four years later, I still hate Riley for what she did."

Remus' turn. "I hate that I still think about Jillian."

And me. "I hate that Sydny won't stop keeping secrets from me."

"I hate that Fabian spent seven months with a girl who was never going to love him."

"I hate that Keegan seems to be swimming in secrets herself."

"I hate that Brite and Jaron are dead. And I hate that they almost got Dezzy and Drew. Even myself and Lily. And I hate knowing they'll continue to go after us and there isn't much any of us could do."

Sirius sighed. "I hate that being a member of the Order is supposed to be an honor and yet all it does is put an even larger target on all our backs. And I hate that that scares me."

Remus frowned. "I hate going to weddings. I hate seeing how happy people are on their wedding day when I didn't get that same chance. I hate pretending as if I'm okay with going to weddings to be there for my friends when in reality, I'd prefer to be anywhere else but there."

I hesitated before saying. "I hate that I yelled at Moody today. I was angry at every other person in my life but it was easier taking it out on him so I yelled at him. And I hate that it didn't make me feel better. I hate that I'm just so angry and frustrated all the damned time. And I hate that I can't seem to shake that. I hate what my life has turned into. And I hate hating that because while I've been through so much, I still have reasons to smile. I just hate that it's so bloody difficult smiling sometimes."

Sirius and Remus met my gaze before Sirius said the last thing any of us would say that night.

"I hate Voldemort for giving us so much to hate."

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

What I really hated was that I had more unfortunate news for James. But not for tonight. No, it would have to wait until tomorrow when I could tell both him and Fabian at the same time.

* * *

**A/N: **So sad :( Sorry the mini-cliffhanger but you'll find out more about that later. Please review!

Up next: more surprises, more tragedy, more confessions, and an unexpected request.


	17. Of Showers, Cigarettes, & Exposés

**A/N:** Whoa, what is this? I'm updating only 8 days later!? Yeah, that's right - feel free to clap and cheer because I am back with another chapter! Y'all have been so good to me with your reviews that I thought you deserved this.

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling owns the Harry Potter series. I merely revel in it.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 17: Of Showers, Cigarettes, & Exposés

* * *

**++LILY++**

"Did any of that tequila get into your mouths or did you think pouring it over the rug was a better idea?"

I smirked as three identical groans followed. James' peeked one eye open from the barcalounger he was laying on as Sirius threw a pillow over his head from the couch. Remus was sprawled out over the coffee table which could not have been comfortable.

"You do realize that you three have to go into work this morning, right?"

"Stop yelling," Sirius muttered, pulling the pillow tightly over his head to cover his ears.

I rolled my eyes. "This is my normal voice, Black."

"I never realized how screechy it was."

"BLACK!"

"I said stop yelling!" he whined.

"Then don't give me a reason to!"

"You're still doing it!"

"You're still lying on the couch covered in booze. What's your point?"

Sirius hesitated long enough to grab a fistful of his shirt and draw it up to his nose. He recoiled. "Merlin, did we shower in a tub full of tequila last night?"

"If you two are going to carry on with this conversation, might I advise you doing it elsewhere?" James muttered through a stifled yawn, curling up into a ball on the chair as he closed his eyes once again.

"It's seven-thirty in the morning, James, and you have that-"

"Bloody hell, why didn't you say so!?" James shouted, practically jumping off the couch. "I'm supposed to be at work in a half hour!"

"Pipe down, will ya!?" Sirius snapped as James kissed my cheek and headed out of the room. I prayed he was headed towards the shower.

"I could say the same for you!" Remus finally chimed in, shooting Sirius a glare from atop the table. He stretched his arms over his head, cringing as he did so. "Lily, you should really consider investing in a fur-lined coffee table."

"I'm pretty sure we never intended for that hard wood to be slept on," I drawled. "Feel free to clean this room up before heading out."

Sirius blinked, slowly sitting up off the couch. "That wasn't a real suggestion, was it?"

I chuckled as I wandered out of the room, praying that whatever the hell the three of them discussed last night was enough to put James in better spirits. He deserved to be happy. And while I knew that he couldn't be happy all the damned time, at this point I would take anything I could get.

I heard the shower running as I headed into my room and I smiled. Quickly followed my a smirk. Completely impulsively, I threw my T-shirt over my head and tossed my pajama shorts aside before slipping into the bathroom.

"Lily? That you?"

"You didn't expect it to be Sirius, did you? Because I got to say, that's mildly creepy," I teased, stepping out of my underwear as I crept closer to the shower.

"I'm sorry if we made a mess in the—well, well, well," he said, grinning as I thrust the shower curtain to the side and slipped into the shower beside him. "And a good morning to me."

I grinned, pressing my lips to his. "So when do you need to get to work?"

"Work? No work. Work can wait. Work bad. Very bad."

I ran my tongue up the side of his jaw, stopping right below his ear. I could feel him harden at even my slightest touch. "I'm thinking that's not the only thing that's going to be bad this morning," I whispered, pressing my exposed breasts up against his chest as I pushed him up against the cool tiles to kiss him passionately.

"That's it. I'm quitting my job," he spoke between gasps for air, our kisses igniting in intense desire.

His hands roamed through my wet hair as our lips melded together with a refreshing intensity. It was these small moments, these impulsive sex-driven moments, that made me realize why we loved each other so much. The world could be coming to a crashing halt around us and as long as we had each other by our sides to remind us of the good, that world would still be able to go on living if even for a brief moment. More important, _we_would still be able to go on living.

If only I had known then what we were about to find out I never would have let James leave that shower.

* * *

**++FABIAN++**

Something bad had happened. I couldn't be sure of it but I had a pretty good feeling that we were all about to get awful news. It was quiet. And it was never quiet at the British Auror offices. Moody had pulled Sydny into one of the back rooms and soon after, James was pulled back there. Frank, Alice, and I kept glancing at each other for some sort of explanation but none of us had even an attempt of a justification.

"You think an Auror died?" Alice eventually dared to ask.

I shook my head quickly. "No," I argued. "Why would Sydny and James be called in because of that? The only reason one of them would be summoned was because the other had died. And we can already rule that out." To be honest, all of this speculation was keeping my mind off my break-up with Keegan and right now, that's all I really cared about.

"Well, someone must have died," Frank murmured.

My heart ached. I prayed that wasn't the truth. "Hey, Moody called those two into a conference room on Wednesday. Maybe this is just a follow-up."

"You think the look on Moody's face this morning was just because he was following up?" Alice pointed out.

I sighed. "A guy can hope."

We all fell silent again, returning to the stack of paperwork that we didn't want to start on but knew that it kept us busy enough that we were willing to do it in that moment.

"Hey, Fabian."

I gazed up at Sirius in surprise. "What are you doing here? Meeting with Harlan?"

Sirius hesitated before shaking his head. "No," he admitted. "I'm actually here for you and James."

"James is in Moody's office. But what's up?"

Another long hesitation, his eyes gazing reluctantly over at Frank and Alice. "I can wait for James."

"I'm here."

We all whirled around to face James. He looked broken, lost even. His face, etched with a frown, was white and his eyes shone with pain. "What's going on?" Frank dared to ask. I was glad he was the one to ask. I was too afraid of the answer.

He snuck a peek at Sirius, regret building up on his expression. James' bottom lip trembled slightly and he looked so stiff with shock. He didn't speak immediately, clearly trying to wrap his own head around whatever the hell just happened. But he was scaring me. I was about to tell him to blurt it out, when he finally opened his mouth. "Wyatt and my father are dead," he whispered.

Shocked silence filled the room.

I was grateful for Sirius in that moment, immediately rushing to James' side and clapping him on the back. "Oh, jeez," he whispered. "James, I'm…I'm so sorry," he said. The words were hollow.

Another bout of silence. There wasn't anything else to say.

Finally, James spoke. "They were murdered. By Voldemort himself."

"James-" Sirius started.

"Wyatt saw this coming. He had a pretty good feeling this was going to happen," he murmured, his words catching in his throat. "But my…my father? Why him?"

"James-" Alice started.

"Why does this keep happening?" he whispered hoarsely. "Damnit, my…my family deserves better than this, don't they?"

No one even tried responding.

"Your family does deserve better," Frank finally spoke. "_You _deserve better. It's not fair that this keeps happening to you, James. It's not. But don't blame yourself. This doesn't have anything to do with you."

James opened his mouth to retort but said nothing. I could have sworn I saw the guilt weigh more heavily in his eyes but before I could analyze, he turned away from me. "I'm going to go find Lily. Feel free to talk about me when I leave."

"James, c'mon-" I started.

"Don't argue. I know you will." He merely shrugged before stalking off. I let my gaze follow him until he was in the elevator before glancing back towards Sirius. "You knew about this?"

He shot me a look. "Of course not. Why would you ask that?"

I shrugged. "Why else would you be here?"

His eyes showed regret, guilt even. And the way he was looking at me I had a feeling that whatever he had come to say it included me. "It doesn't even matter anymore," he said, shaking his head. "I just pray that James is done dealing with these bullshit tragedies."

"He's not."

We all whirled around to face Sydny who was looking rather dejected. "He'll never be done dealing with it," she murmured with a shrug.

Sirius glared at her. "And what do you know?"

The look on her face told me she knew more than she was letting on. "Nothing," she spoke. "Just go be by your friend's side. That's all he needs right now."

"Don't tell me what he needs," Sirius scowled. "I'm his best friend. I already know what he needs."

"Oh yeah?" she snorted. "And what's what?"

"The truth," he responded a little too quickly.

That shut Sydny up. Which was a huge accomplishment for her. "How much do you know?" she asked curiously.

"I know that Wyatt returned three nights ago quickly followed by his father and both have turned things upside down. And now they're both dead, leaving James with a bunch of unanswered question. Your turn. How much do you know?" he retaliated, glaring at her.

The look on her face pretty much told all of us she knew more than she was letting on. No one said a word, but the silence spoke for us. Eventually, Sydny merely said, "I know that I have somewhere I need to be right now."

"Aw, c'mon," Sirius heckled, glaring at her. "Don't go after him."

She glared back. "Who said anything about going after him?"

He smirked. "My guess is, Slaughterhouse," Sirius snapped, "Is that you've been in on whatever conspiracy theory is dictating James' life. In fact, I'm betting that you're probably right smack dab in the middle of it."

"Oh, let up, will ya? No need to be overdramatic by labeling Potter's life a conspiracy theory," she retaliated.

Hm, this argument was bordering on entertaining.

Sirius threw back his head and laughed. "Overdramatic, hm?" he snorted. He help up his fingers and started ticking them off. "One, his brother disappears without so much as an explanation. Two, his brother dies by the hands of Death Eaters. Three, his father abandons the family. Four, his other brother was kidnapped, held hostage for four days and tortured endlessly, and then eventually murdered. Five, his sister and brother-in-law were kidnapped to be magically saved by you. Six, he, his girlfriend, and coworkers are attached in the basement. Seven, the prodigal son returns! Eight, his father shows up here looking to get in touch with Wyatt. Nine, they go and gets themselves killed by Voldemort himself. I'd continue but I'm running out of room on my hands so please feel free to let me know when none of this is sounding overdramatic or like a conspiracy."

She fell silent and I could have sworn I saw a distant tear in Sydny's eye. As quickly as it showed up, it was suddenly gone. "You don't know what you're talking about, Black," she snapped. "It's noble of you to want to try and stand up for your best friend, but trust me when I say, you can't protect him. This isn't your life you have to worry about. It's his. And it's falling apart with every minute of every day that goes by. So please stop worrying about him, Sirius. Not only for his sake but for yours. It's only going to make matters worse."

I had absolutely no idea what to make of that little speech of hers. Sirius Black was James' best friend and Sirius was going to worry about James until the day he died. To which 'he' I was referring to dying, I wasn't entirely sure. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out how worrying about a friend was going to make matters worse. Because I'm pretty sure James hit 'worse' six tragedies ago.

I could tell that Sirius wasn't sure what Sydny meant by her words either. "I'm not trying to be noble," he started, "I'm just being a friend. Something you clearly don't know much about."

Ouch.

"Then go _be_ his goddamned friend, Sirius!" she barked, glaring at him. "Because I'm pretty sure that's what he could use right now. Not your worry or your concern or your nobility nor does he need this pathetic bickering you and I have got going on. Just go find the guy and be there for him!"

It was obvious that Sirius did not appreciate having some girl he barely knew tell him what being a friend to James meant. "I don't need the girl who's fucking up his life to tell me what to do, Lafevre. For all I care, for all _James _cares, for all any of us care, you can go straight to hell."

Shock shone in her eyes. I knew it wasn't because she wasn't used to someone telling her to go to hell (James has said it a few hundred times to her already). I tried gauging her reaction, but found myself unable to figure out what it is she was shocked about.

"I'm not fucking up anything," she said softly. "I'm trying to help."

"By keeping secrets?"

"You don't know anything, Black," she said breathlessly.

He smirked. "Maybe I do."

"His life falling apart has nothing to do with me," she pleaded.

"Oh, so you've noticed that this life is falling apart?" he snorted.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means nothing," Sirius sighed quickly, shaking his head. "Just go ahead and do whatever the hell it is you were about to do."

"Sirius-"

"Just go," he pleaded.

She didn't say another word. Instead, she turned around and walked away. Which, alone, surprised me. Sydny never gave up on an argument.

"Harsh," spoke Alice when Sydny was gone.

Sirius shrugged. "The girl knows more than she's letting on."

"Duh," I chimed in. "Seems to me you were right in saying she was in on this conspiracy theory surrounding James' life."

"I know," he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm just not sure how."

Silence filled the cubicle. All four of us were squished in the cubicle that Alice and I shared, but I suddenly felt that it was empty. Without James, we were nothing. He was our rock. He was the guy who told us exactly what he thought. What he felt. He was the one who made me realize that being a Auror was worth it. After Caleb was killed, I was second-guessing. I was wondering if this was the right career path. James sat down next to me and told me that obviously the world works in mysterious ways but we were there to attempt to sort out those mysteries. Being an Auror and being an Order member was tough. A lot went into it. But James always seemed to realize that we were doing some good. We were attempting to help the wizarding world. So I kept at it. Because of James. And now, I was beginning to wonder if he was the one who was losing faith.

"Poor James." Frank's words forced me back to reality. "How do you think he's taking the news?"

Silence. Eventually, Sirius broke. "It's been a long time since he's seen or talked to either one of them. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. Another two members of his family gone. Dead. A family of eight now down to four. It's depressing. And it sucks. He deserves better."

"This has to be purposeful, don't you think?" Alice questioned, staring at Sirius.

Sirius glanced at her, eventually shrugging. "I don't know what I think anymore."

Silence followed once again. Alice and Frank were sharing some sort of meaningful look and I could only guess they were somewhat glad that it wasn't either of their families being attacked. Me, on the other hand, I didn't know what to believe. For some irrelevant reason, I was thinking about Keegan.

"Why are you here, Sirius?" I dared to ask again.

He frowned, his eyes focusing in on mine. "I'm going to go find James."

Avoiding the question. Interesting. "'Kay," I muttered, when in all honesty, it wasn't okay. Sirius was hiding something. But in that moment, I let it go. This wasn't about me anymore. It was about James.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I really was planning on going up to see Lily on the fifth floor. But as I headed into the elevator, I found myself heading towards the ground floor instead. And then I did something I haven't done in years. I smoked a cigarette. There was a small stand right outside the Ministry that sold crappy cigarettes and I eagerly bought a pack. If there was ever a time I needed a cigarette, it was most definitely in that moment.

I shouldn't have been surprised when Moody told me about Wyatt and my father. Wyatt had said a couple of times that he was in danger. That Voldemort was going to go after him. But when Moody informed me of the news, I was still in awe and disheartened. Wyatt finally returned and I lost him again. I still harbored some angry feelings towards what Wyatt did, but our conversation at the Dragonfly Pub ended up being somewhat comforting. After Brite and JT dying, it was nice having a brother I could talk to again. I was afraid that Grant would never come around. In fact, I wasn't even sure where Grant was. Last I heard, he had been traveling through China. He really only keeps in touch with Mom these days.

I shook my head, wondering why it was Grant I was thinking about. Maybe pondering his whereabouts was easier than thinking about Wyatt and Dad. In fact, I knew it was easier. It was more comforting thinking about my family members that still existed versus those that have not been able to escape the hands of Voldemort.

To be perfectly honest, I had no idea what to think about my father's death. Ever since he had left Mom and fled to Italy, I haven't seen or spoken to him. Not once. Until he showed up here out of nowhere trying to make amends after too much time had gone by. Time where we could have had some form of contact. But I avoided it. And he had avoided it, too. Whenever our Auror offices had to make any contact with the Italian Auror offices, I somehow found a reason not to be anywhere near it. Frank and Caleb had been sent to Italy the previous year after an attack on the Italian Ministry's family had proved nearly fatal. The Minister's nephew and niece had been captured and the Ministry called in all the forces to search for them. When they returned, Frank briefly mentioned that my father had been running the search. But I changed the subject before he could tell me anything more. All I needed to know was that the nephew and niece had been found off the coast nearly bludgeoned to death but they inevitably survived. I hadn't ever wanted to think or talk to me father again. Not until he admitted he had been a bit of a coward for disappearing the way he had. I understood the sentiment behind his reasons but that didn't mean I would ever fully understood why he left when he did. And now I would never get the chance.

What used to be one big happy family was now being crushed at the very seams. And as my eyes gazed over at a window in a nearby shop, all I saw was myself in the middle of it all. Brite, JT, Wyatt, my father. They died because of me. And it was that haunting revelation that made me want to scream. At the top of my lungs. Until it all disappeared, including myself. I wanted to fade into a black hole for however long it took to keep the people I loved safe. I wanted to warn every single person in my life that they were in danger and I wanted to be the one to protect them.

I didn't do any of that. I merely stood there smoking my cigarette and watching the smoke evaporate into the air. In that moment, it was the only thing I knew how to do that wouldn't make me go completely crazy.

"Hey."

I clenched my teeth, sneaking a look towards Lafevre. "What, you have some sort of tracking device on me?"

She shot me a look. "Didn't take you for a smoker."

"Didn't take you for a stalker," I retaliated with a shrug. I gestured towards the pack of cigarettes in my hand. "Want one?"

She hesitated. "Ah, why the hell not."

I lit it for her and we stood in silence, smoking our cigarettes. I felt slightly rebellious.

"James-"

"I don't want to hear it," I muttered quickly, shaking my head. "I really don't."

She frowned but nodded.

"Hey, remember when you told me you were here to protect me?" I chided, swallowing hard. "I hate to point out the obvious, but you suck at it."

She cringed, letting out a deep sigh. "I know, James," she whispered, hanging her head shamefully.

"Oh, come off it, I'm just messing with you," I murmured, recognizing the look of regret and guilt in her eyes. "You're not the one who should be protecting me and my family. That should be my job."

"It's one hell of a job to take on," she pleaded, shaking her head. "Don't blame yourself."

"Too late."

She sighed, flicking the finished cigarette but towards the ground and stepping on it. "James, if anyone should be sorry here, it should be me."

"Forget it."

She didn't. "James," she said softly, turning to face me, "I was the one that set up that meeting between Wyatt and your father even though I knew the risks. It's my fault they both died. Not yours."

I glanced at her with an impenetrable frown. "So you were right," she continued, swallowing hard. "I'm doing a shitty job trying to protect you. I've been here all of a month and in that time, your sister was kidnapped, you were attacked, your girlfriend nearly died, your long-lost brother returned, and then he and your father were killed. And somehow I'm in the middle of all of it. _Me_. Not you."

She was borderline hyperventilating and I reached out, grabbing her shoulder. Probably the only form of comfort either one of us have ever really extended to one another. I could see the surprise in her eyes. "Lafevre, don't blame yourself," I muttered, shaking my head. "You-"

"I have to so that you won't," she interrupted desperately.

I sighed. "You wouldn't be here to protect me if Voldemort wasn't after me, Lafevre. So please just…just," I hesitated before blurting out, "Just stop trying to make yourself feel better by confessing all your failures."

"I'm not trying to make myself feel better," she argued. "I'm trying to make you realize that-"

"That my life sucks?" I summed up with a snort.

She shrugged. "That's one way of putting it."

Silence followed. I hesitated before deciding to light another cigarette. I bought them, I might as well use them. "Maybe Dumbledore and Wyatt had the right idea," I murmured in self-pitch. "Maybe I should just give Voldemort what he wants and join his side."

"Oh, yes, and look how well that turned out for Wyatt," she said angrily. "Don't you dare start thinking things like that. You're a better person than that, Potter. You're a fighter, not a quitter."

"I'll be a quitter if it saves the people I love!" I practically shouted. In fact, I think I did shout it.

"You really think Voldemort is going to stop going after your friends and family if you just hand yourself into him?"

"Worth a shot."

"No," she snapped. "It isn't. You don't get a _shot_, Potter. If you give into Voldemort, you're giving up your entire life. You can't choose to leave in a few months or years when you realize you want out. If you leave, you _die_. Look at what happened to Wyatt. So stop thinking your problems would be resolved if you surrendered to Voldemort. Stop thinking it and stop saying it!I refuse to let your mind be melded by one of the most vindictive, uncaring villains in history."

"Not your decision." At this point, I was merely saying the things she didn't want to hear to get a rise out of her. It was definitely working.

She stomped her foot like a child and I could tell she was about two seconds away from whipping out her wand and using it on me. I found it mildly entertaining actually. "Damnit, Potter, promise me you won't run into Voldemort's arms. Promise me you'll do whatever the hell it takes from the _good _side! Promise me you won't kill or kidnap or torture any innocent lives just because Voldemort has turned you against your kind! _Promise me, Potter_."

I was shocked at the terror and anger that rang in her every word. "Lafevre, I just can't be-"

"The next words out of your mouth better be that you bloody promise," she snapped.

I sighed, my lips pursing out of instinct. I wondered why she was so angry. So irritated. It's not like she had any sort of claim on my life. "What, don't want the mission that was handed to you to be a complete failure?" I sneered. "If I give myself up, then the last eight years were a waste of your time? Don't want this to go down in the history books as the worst mission ever? Hate to break it to you, Slaughterhouse, but I don't give a flying fuck what the outcome of me handing myself over to Voldemort might be on you. I have family to think about. _Friends_. And you ain't one of them."

If she hadn't already thrown her cigarette butt on the ground, she probably would have burnt my eyeballs with it. I had never seen such rage emanate from her before. She was glaring at me like I was Voldemort and I had just killed every single person she cared about. I knew the look well. I've practiced the look. And the day that I met up with Voldemort, I swear that that will be the day that looks could kill. "You might be the most selfish son-of-a-bitch on the planet, James Kenneth Potter." I didn't bother asking her how she knew my middle name. I'm sure she had her ways. "You really going to leave behind those you love? Behind those people that have _already _lost so many? Your mother? Your sister? You really want to turn into the guy that you swore you'd never turn into? The guy who abandons everyone in sight without so much as a care how it affects them? Your father? Wyatt? _Riley Gilmore_?" Okay, that one I was a little curious about. How the hell did she know about Riley? "You can run, Potter, but you can't hide. What's happening to you is real life. And it's not going to stop even if you surrender yourself as bait. Voldemort doesn't have a bleeding heart. He's going to continue terrorizing your friends, your family, your coworkers until they're all dead and buried in the ground. And then he's going to kill you. He won't care if you're on his side. He won't care that you made the ultimate sacrifice. All he cares about is killing innocent people. And unfortunately, James Potter, you're one of those innocent people."

She whirled around to storm off, clearly not in the mood to deal with my petty self-pity. But I wasn't about to let her leave without hearing my side. "How is that any different from what he's already doing?" I called after her, not caring for her self-righteous speech one bit. "He's already terrorizing everyone in my life! Killing so many innocent people that are _directly _related to me! People I didn't even think I cared about! My bloody brother and my father are gone, two people who I haven't given a second thought to in _years_, and now they're dead! Because of me! All because they're merely related to me! Because for some goddamned unknown reason, Voldemort is trying to destroy my life!" It took me a second to realize that tears were slipping down my cheeks. Maybe I was more upset about Wyatt and my father's death than I initially thought.

Sydny fell silent, her eyes never straying from mine. I turned away quickly, inconspicuously wiping away the stray tears and trying to catch my breath.

"James," she said softly behind me. "Look at me."

I cringed. Of all the people I didn't want to see me cry, Sydny Lafevre might have been on the top of that list. "Just leave me alone," I spat out in a frustrated whisper. "Please."

"Please look at me."

I sighed and when I knew I was presentable enough, I turned around, flashing her an irritated look. "_What_?"

"You asked me that day we were trying to make up our schedules why I wanted to be Auror."

Huh? "Er…yeah?"

"I'm ready to tell you."

* * *

**++SHANE++**

I was in Lily's office when Sirius walked in. A look of terrorizing remorse was apparent on his face.

"Hey," he greeted, taking one of the empty chairs without asking.

"Hey, there. What are you doing here?" Lily asked, barely glancing up at him as she perused the proposal in front of her.

"Where's James?" he questioned, disregarding the question.

Lily smirked, highlighting a part of the wording on the proposal. "You've visited us numerous times over the years, Sirius. I would have thought you'd know by now that James is on Floor 2."

A frown appeared on his face. "He said he was coming to find you."

"Well, he didn't." She finally looked up and the amusement in her face quickly disappeared. She, too, probably finally noticed the horror on his face. "Why? What's wrong?"

Sirius hesitated, glancing ever-so-slightly at me. I suddenly felt like an intruder. I could tell he had bad news. Horrible news actually based on the overwhelming concern in his eyes. He bit down on his bottom lip before saying softly, "Wyatt and Mr. Potter are dead."

Oh, shit. I didn't know much but I knew that the last thing James Potter needed was another two deaths in his family.

Lily's face went white, her body rigid. She didn't speak for quite some time, letting the shock absorb her. "When?" she whispered hoarsely.

"This morning. Voldemort himself."

She was out of her chair quicker than a hyena. "Oh, no," she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. "Is James alright?"

He shut his eyes, shaking his head slowly. "Would you be?"

"Where is he?"

"I thought he was here."

"He's not."

Silence again. Eventually, Sirius spoke. "He doesn't deserve any of this."

A tear slipped down Lily's cheek. "I know."

Looking at how broken Lily looked, I couldn't imagine how James felt. For the first time in my entire life, I prayed for him.

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

I could feel James staring at me and I wondered if he could hear my heart beating a mile a minute. I closed my eyes and thought back to that day where I sat in Headmistress Lorenzo's office all by myself as an innocent and naïve teenager, knowing that my life was going to change drastically. It wasn't just the worst news a person could hear. It was terrifyingly disturbing in every way. I would never forget the anger and the betrayal and the hurt that I had felt in my heart that moment. Tears had been streaming down my face as I thought of my peers looking at me as if I were a leper. I thought of the way the professors would treat me differently because of the family I had been born into. I thought about what it would be like if I were the one dead. I thought about how I wanted nothing more than to have the floor open up and swallow me whole.

And then suddenly the fireplace opened up and a man stood in front of me. A man I never saw before but who I saw had compassion and understanding. He gave me a choice. I could stay at school and deal with the aftermath of my father's horrible decisions or I could go with him and have the chance to avenge the horrible decisions made by him. It didn't take me long to choose the latter. So I went with that man, never once looking back.

That man had been Albus Dumbledore.

"Honestly, James," I started slowly. "I don't know when it was I decided I _wanted _to be an Auror. It was just the only choice for me."

"What?"

"Nine years ago, my…" I started, gazing up at a curious James. I tried to word my next statement very carefully. "My family died. All of them. Voldemort's doing." It wasn't completely a lie.

He cringed, his mouth dropping open slightly.

"I had a mother, two brothers, and…and a father," I said, trying not to say that last word with too much distaste. "And then suddenly, I didn't."

"Sydny," he said softly. My first name sounded odd on his on tongue. "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "Long time ago," I murmured.

"So you became an Auror out of revenge?" James asked curiously.

"No," I argued. "I became an Auror because it was my ticket out."

"Out of where?"

"The wizarding world that I grew up in. The…" I hesitated, but couldn't find a reason not to add, "The Italian wizarding world that I grew up in." I saw surprise flicker in his eyes. I had become so engrained with the French wizarding world it probably never crossed James' mind that I wasn't originally from France. "Becoming an Auror was my ticket out of hell. Away from the pity. Away from the stares. Away from the judgments. Away from the whispering and the gossiping. Away from the speculation and the hatred. So I jumped on it. I don't know how they...er...how they did it, but two months later, I found myself working my ass off in the French Auror Department's recruitment program. And I haven't looked back since."

He hesitated. "Don't know how who did it?"

He certainly knew how to ask the right questions. I gazed at him guiltily. "Albus Dumbledore and Alastor Moody."

His jaw grew rigid. "The same people who chose Wyatt's fate," he murmured.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"So you were forced into being an Auror," he said slowly. "It wasn't a choice for you."

If only he knew. "Yes, I was technically forced," I whispered. "But I was ready to fight back. For my mother and my brothers. For my family. For love and compassion. For justice. For freedom. For the right thing. For-"

"Revenge?"

I hesitated and eventually nodded. "Yes, maybe revenge was a part of it. But tell me that revenge wasn't a part of what motivated you to climb to the top here at the Auror Department."

He didn't respond.

"Voldemort kills innocent lives," I spouted. "What's worse is that he manipulates so many people into thinking that that's okay. That killing is simply a sport and they're fighting for the greater good. That pureblood wizards and witches are the only people who deserve to live in the magic world. People get pulled over to the Dark Side and suddenly, everything they've ever done or thought has disappeared. They go crazy. Whether there's an Imperius Curse on them or they're just so torn in their own minds, they eventually can't tell right from wrong anymore." Believe me, I would know. I sighed. "And it's that reason, and maybe that reason alone, that I'm an Auror. These Death Eaters don't need saving from Voldemort. They need saving from themselves."

"Saving?"

I shrugged. "Maybe not the right word. But however we can help these poor suckers who have been conned into helping Voldemort, I'm fine with. Imprisonment. Death. Torture. Who cares how it's done as long as it's done."

He didn't reply immediately. I could tell he was a tad confused. But I neglected to tell him the worse part. Hopefully, he'll never find out. Hopefully, no one will ever find out. "Sounds like you think some of these Death Eaters are actually good people."

I had to hold my tongue before saying something I would regret. "Anyone who joins Voldemort in order to help his cause isn't a good person," I argued, shrugging. "But maybe at one point in their life they were."

He frowned, narrowing his eyes at me. "What aren't you telling me?"

A lot. "Look, you wanted to know how I became an Auror and I told you."

"No," he said slowly, shaking his head. "I wanted to know why you _wanted _to be an Auror. I didn't want to know _how _you became an Auror."

"It's the same thing," I lied.

"No, it isn't," he scowled, giving me a look.

I shrugged. Damn, he could read people well. I hated him for that. I chose to remain quiet, flicking my finished cigarette butt to the ground and smashing my foot into it.

"If your family had never died, would you be here now?"

No. Because I wouldn't have had a reason to leave. "I don't know," I responded vaguely.

"You do know."

I blinked, turning to meet his curious gaze. "One day they were my family and the next day they weren't." In more ways than one. "I had to leave. I-"

"No, that's where I think you're wrong. No one ever _has _to leave. It's a choice. A decision. One that should be owned."

I frowned. "I didn't have anything left, Potter," I said softly. "So yeah, did I make the decision to leave the way I did? Yes. But not a whole lot of people noticed. Or cared."

His frown matched mine. "I'm sorry that you lost all of the people who noticed you and who cared about you," he said softly.

_Not all of them cared_. "Yeah," I whispered. "I am, too."

I could feel his eyes on me as I turned back to look towards the dingy street. He probably had a million other questions swarming but I was praying he would leave it alone. I didn't want to talk about my unfortunate past anymore and I knew he could understand the sentiment of letting conversations go when necessary.

"Are you a pureblood, Lafevre?"

I blinked, thrown by the random question. I wasn't sure what that had to do with anything, but I shook my head. "No," I muttered. "I'm half. My father was a wizard, my mother wasn't."

"You said you had brothers?"

"They weren't wizards either," I whispered. It's probably what inevitably killed them in the end.

"Hm."

"Why do you want to know?"

He hesitated. "I'm just curious," he said with a sigh. "I'm just trying to figure out what it is Voldemort is even looking for. Seems to me he no longer cares if you're a Muggleborn or half-blood or pureblood even though we were all under the impression his mission was to go after anyone with Muggle blood. But I'm a pureblood and he's out to get me and my family."

I frowned. "I couldn't tell you why Voldemort was after you." A partial lie. "But I have a good feeling it has nothing to do with your blood status."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that one out on my own."

He looked so depressed. So disheartened. He was always so strong and confident. At least he acted that way. The guy standing in front of me wasn't the James Potter I knew. He was shattered, slowly being ripped apart at the seams. He clearly didn't want to be strong or confident anymore. He just wanted normalcy. Sadly, he wasn't going to get that.

I'm not sure how long we stood there in silence, but I could tell he didn't have anything else to say. Didn't want to say anything else. I could have walked away. Maybe I should have. But I felt myself rooted to that spot. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to make sure that James would be okay. Well, as okay as he possibly could.

Eventually, he spoke. "What do I do now, Lafevre?"

His words were filled with so much uncertainty. Confusion. Pain. I wish I had an answer for him. I gestured for him to hand me another cigarette. He obliged. We stood in silence, watching the swarms of Muggles surround us, hustling and bustling off to their everyday routine. Sometimes, I envied them.

"Unfortunately, Potter," I spoke eventually. "I'm not sure I know."

He merely replied with a sigh.

I turned to him curiously, even though I had a feeling I knew the answer to the question I was about to ask. "Have you talked to Sirius?"

He shook his head. "No."

"I think you should be the one to tell him."

"I know."

"James?"

"Yeah?"

Silence followed. Eventually, I said, "I'm sorry."

He didn't reply, but I didn't expect him to. He didn't need my sympathetic apology. He simply needed answers. And unfortunately, I couldn't give them to him. I wanted to. I just couldn't.

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I knocked lightly on the door. Then a bit harder. I wasn't entirely sure if this was the best thing to do, but I needed her to help me. As much as she possibly could. She was my last hope and I prayed this would work.

After Sydny finally walked away that day, I let my thoughts consume me. I knew that I wasn't about to surrender myself to Voldemort. I should have. I could have. But I had too much to lose. And I hated that Sydny Lafevre had gotten to me. I couldn't leave everyone behind. Especially Dezzy and my mother. They've already lost so much. I wasn't about to add to the mix. But I continued standing outside on that street corner earlier that day trying to come up with other possibilities. And after the entire pack of cigarettes was gone, it finally hit me. There wasn't anything I could do but tell the truth. Even if this truth wouldn't even remotely come close to setting me free. No, it would probably just land me into more trouble. But I had no other option.

Keegan opened the door, clearly surprised to see me. "James?"

"I need a favor."

She cocked her head to the side and eventually gestured me into the flat. I expected it to look drastically different, but truth was, the living room looked exactly the same. Except for a painting created by Lily's mother that had once adorned the wall over the couch, everything looked like it had before Lily moved out.

"Are you planning on moving?" I asked, surprised to see boxes lining the living room and kitchen.

She hesitated. "Uh…just doing some Spring cleaning."

I narrowed my eyes at her curiously. "It's December."

"Well, I'm getting a head start."

I scoffed. "Keegan," I warned.

She brushed me aside, heading to the couch. "Lily was just here looking for you," she said casually. Damn, I knew that she was probably worried. I should probably attempt to find her after this. Well, maybe not right after this. There's still someone else I have to talk to. "She told me about what happened to your-"

"That's why I'm here," I interrupted coolly.

Hesitance rested in her eye. "Yeah?"

"Write an exposé on the Potter family."

I froze. "What?" I asked when I finally found my voice.

"I'm done flying under the radar. Write an exposé. Please?"

"James, I-"

"My family has been through tragedy over tragedy. There are things you don't even know. Things that I probably don't even know. But things the world should know. Things I'm ready for the world to know."

"James-"

"My family is falling apart. A family of eight is now four. And maybe it's time I told people what's going on. Voldemort is after me. My family. And he started by taking Wyatt. By sucking him into his conspiracy…" I trailed off, shrugging. "Conspiracy vortex. He's a monster. And I want to be the one to stand up to him."

"James, I-"

"I don't know how long it will take, but you can interview my family. My friends. Friends of Brite and Wyatt and my father and JT. Go to the Italian Auror Department, talk to my father's old coworkers. My father's old study has tons of boxes of his and Brite's old case files and crime reports. You can go through them, find what you need to find. You can probably do plenty of research straight from the _Daily Prophet_. Plenty of articles have been written about my family."

"James-"

"Keegan, I'm begging you. Write the exposé."

She shot me a look. "_James_," she urged. "Have I once said I wouldn't do it?"

I winced. "Sorry, I-I just really need this to be written."

"I'll do it."

I smiled. "The funerals for my father and brother are tomorrow. You can get a lot of interviews out of-"

"I can't go to the funeral."

She said that a little too adamantly. "What?"

She sighed, swallowing hard. "I'm not a funeral type of girl. I'm sorry, but…but I can't go to the funeral."

She was hiding something. But in that moment, it wasn't about her. "How about the wake after the funeral? It's being held at Potter Manor."

She pondered. She didn't respond immediately, but eventually she said, "That could work."

I smiled. We were finally getting somewhere. "Thank you, Keegan."

She shrugged. "Malone is going to love this."

I chuckled. "I thought of that," I said. "It's dangerous. We're going to bring down Death Eaters. Voldemort even. Talk to Sydny. Talk to Moody. Talk to Dumbledore. Talk to _me_. I'm going to tell you stuff that's going to blow your mind. Blow anyone's mind who reads what you have to write. The Potter family is a mess. A mess of Aurors and…" I stopped short.

I saw curiosity in her eyes. The type of curiosity that came with a journalist. "And what?"

I met her gaze. "Death Eaters."

She froze. "_What_?"

"Exactly why you need to write this exposé."

She was definitely intrigued. She nodded. "Absolutely, James."

"Thank you."

She shrugged. "You're welcome."

I had no idea if this was a good idea or not. But I wasn't backing down. I was ready to expose the Potter family for what we were: a bunch of frauds. Well, Wyatt and me at least. My father, too. Even my mother had a lot to hide. It was time our secrets got put onto paper. Keegan Rouge would at least attempt to keep our name slightly virtuous. As virtuous as our name could possibly be. I just hoped that this wouldn't backfire.

Because I had a hunch that it probably would.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

James was officially MIA. I wasn't worried. I'd probably be MIA, too, if I just found two more family members had dropped dead. Lily was starting to hyperventilate but I think that had more to do with the fact that she wanted to be there for him versus any sort of worry due to his disappearance. I had gone back to question Sydny. There was no doubt in my mind she knew where he was. That she had found him and talked to him. And I'm not entirely sure I liked the sound of that. She had already caused enough drama and she had no idea what James had been through. She may have had an inkling but watching someone go through so much suffering is a lot different from just knowing about it.

Lily had gone back to Potter Manor and I ended up traipsing back to my flat. I had expected Remus to be back but much to my surprise, the flat was empty. I popped open a beer and sat down on the couch, wondering what James could possibly be thinking.

There was a light knock on the door and then it opened. Which wasn't a surprise. Most of my friends know by now to just wander in. No need for any formalities. I had expected it to be Lily but was shocked to see James at the front door.

"James," I said, jumping up from the couch. "How are you-"

"I don't want to talk about it," he interrupted, shaking his head. "I'm not here for me."

I hesitated. "Er…then what are you here for?"

He sighed. "Have a seat, Padfoot."

Uh-oh. I didn't like the sound of this. "Why?" I asked defensively.

"Just sit."

I obliged.

"My father and my brother weren't the only two found dead this morning," he started.

I froze, trying not to think of the numerous people that James could possibly be hinting at.

"Regulus was found dead, too."

Hm, that wasn't one of the people running through my head. I froze only slightly before frowning. "With…with your brother and-"

"No. Elsewhere."

"Oh."

"He drowned."

"Oh."

"Looks like he had been tortured before it happened. Most likely with the help of some Death Eaters."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

I sighed, shrugging. "I'm not."

He glanced at me. "Sure you are."

I rolled my eyes. "James, the last time I spoke to my brother was-"

"Doesn't matter," he argued, shooting me a glare. "When was the last time I spoke to my brother before two days ago? When was the last time I spoke to my father? It doesn't matter that you haven't spoken to Regulus in four years, Sirius. He's still family. He's still your flesh and blood who unfortunately died. You're sorry. You might pretend you don't care, but you do."

I wasn't sure where this determined, hard-ass attitude came from, but my guess is it had a little something to do with recent events. He knew plenty well that my family was nowhere near the kind of family that he had. And I didn't appreciate him comparing the two. "This isn't your family, James," I muttered. "It's mine. And I wouldn't even use the word 'family.' Blood-sucking, self-esteem dwindling, verbally abusive, Death Eater following _sadists_ is a better term for the unfortunate group of people that I was stuck growing up with."

He sighed. "Sirius-"

I had no desire to listen to him attempt to romanticize Regulus' death. "Regulus did this to himself, James," I reminded him with a curt shrug. "He impulsively joined a group designed to killing innocent people and destroying lives. And the moment he tried to run out of sheer fear, he got himself killed. I don't have a lot of sympathy for that."

James clenched his fists, his glare intensifying. "It's the same thing _Wyatt_ did, Sirius. But-"

"_No_," I interrupted, shaking my head. "It's not the same thing. Because Wyatt joined Voldemort at an attempt to protect his family. Regulus? He just joined to make his parents feel proud and to feel better about himself and his place in this wizarding world. Regulus and Wyatt may have died for similar reasons, but your brother's dead won't be in vain. My brother's probably will."

James sighed. "Your brother's death wasn't meaningless, Sirius. Maybe to you. But-"

"It was meaningless to those who mattered."

"What about my brother?"

I hesitated, confused. "What?"

He got quiet, but he didn't take his eyes off me. I sensed guilt emanating from him. Which just made me wonder what the hell he was going to throw at me next. Finally, he spoke. "Wyatt and Regulus were planning on going into hiding together."

Well, that threw me for a loop. "_What_?"

"They both wanted out. They talked about it before Regulus got caught by Aurors in the States and thrown into Azkaban. Wyatt was the one who warned Regulus about Dezzy and Drew. And once Wyatt escaped, the plan was to make amends with family and then he and Regulus were going to go into hiding together. I-I guess they just waited too long before doing so."

A million thoughts were swarming through my head. "How ironic," I eventually murmured.

"Hm?"

I forced a smile out. "Your brother and my brother? A Black and a Potter teaming up? Sounds a bit familiar."

James met my gaze. It was clear the irony wasn't lost on him. "I know."

I finished off my beer and placed it carefully on the coffee table before saying, "So my brother really wanted out?"

James nodded. "Yeah."

I wasn't sure what to think about that. I would have bet my life on the fact that my brother was a coward. A coward who would have gone along with Voldemort's every plan. I'm surprised that he and Wyatt had even discussed the possibility of escape considering the danger that that posed. "Interesting," was all I could think of to say.

"So maybe your brother didn't die in vain," James pointed out.

I sighed, glancing over at him curiously. It wasn't my brother I really wanted to discuss right now. "Look, James, I appreciate you attempting to make me feel better, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the one who needs to feel better."

He got up off the couch abruptly. "I already told you that I didn't come here for me, Sirius. I just thought you had a right to know what happened to your brother."

"James-"

"I've got to go. I have to tell Mom about Wyatt and my father," he said, heading towards the front door.

"James-"

"I don't even know if Mom knew about Wyatt returning," he mumbled, his hand on the door. "So this should be an interesting conversation."

"James!" I called after him before he could walk out.

"_What_?"

"I'm really sorry."

He stiffened. "I'll see you later."

I sighed as the door shut behind him. He was hurting. That much was obvious. But he would never show that or admit that. He was going to continue acting strong and being guarded. It's what he did best. I just hoped it didn't backfire on him once day.

* * *

**++MAYA++**

James didn't often show up on my doorstep unannounced so when the doorbell rang and he was standing there, I couldn't help but be a tad curious. But I invited him in for tea. When he nodded in agreement, I definitely knew something was up. My son hated tea.

"Well, this is a surprise," I spoke, gesturing for Ralphie, my house elf, to fill the tea kettle. Sometimes it felt silly to have a house elf in a small flat for just me but he provided me with a sense of comfort. "What brings you here, James?"

Silence.

I turned away from Ralphie to glance behind me, noting the distress in my son's knitted eyebrows. "You already sick of living with Lily?" I joked, knowing that whatever he had to tell me I probably didn't want to hear. So I stuck with some jokes to lighten the mood first. When he informed me was moving in with Lily, I wasn't surprised. I don't consider myself old-fashioned so the idea of my son living with his girlfriend before marriage didn't faze me. And it was about damned time James moved in with Lily. I knew that he's been guarding his heart a bit more since the death of Jaron. He's afraid to lose anyone else. And now with what happened with Dezzy and Drew, I can only imagine what was running through his head. I just prayed that Lily would stick with him even through these rough patches.

He didn't even crack a smile. "Oh, she's fine. This isn't about her."

I sighed, sinking into a kitchen chair as Ralphie returned to the living room to finish up dusting. "Yeah, I figured as much." I glanced up at him. "Just tell me."

"Hm?"

"You came here to tell me something so just say it."

He nodded slowly, clearly trying to figure the best way to tell me what he had to say. I used that time to run through the million things he possibly could tell me. If it was something about Dezzy, he wouldn't be so calm so I thankfully ruled her out. I thought that perhaps one of his friends or one of my friends had died. Nora Gilmore ran through my mind. I don't talk to her much anymore—she had always been more of Jonathan's friend than mine. But she was the Chief of Operations in the Auror office so James would know if something had happened to her. Or maybe it wasn't about a death at all. Maybe Dezzy and Drew were rethinking their marriage? No, that couldn't be it. Maybe new information on what happened to Brite or Jaron. Or maybe-

"Wyatt returned."

I froze. Okay, that wasn't even on the list of things I was thinking about. "What?"

"He came back."

I literally had nothing running through my head. I had no idea what to think or even what to say. My son who had disappeared off the face of the planet eight years ago had resurfaced. Had resurfaced and somehow sought James out. "He's…he's alive?" I croaked out. After so many years, a mother could only assume that a son who had the nerve to leave without a good-bye must have wound up dead.

He froze, his eyes widening with agony. "Mom," he said softly.

That told me everything I needed to know. I may not have seen Wyatt in eight years, but he was still my son. Another son that had died. A mother can only take so much. "He's dead, isn't he," I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes.

He swiftly got up from the chair and came around to embrace me tightly. Which just made the tears slip down my cheek faster. Thank God I still had James. I think about the danger he puts himself in every day as an Auror and I consider it a good day when he returns from the office alive and well.

"He was alive when he came back," James spoke softly. "He…he actually came back looking for you."

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "What?"

"He came back to Potter Manor looking for you and…and Dad," he said. He said 'dad' quite hesitantly. I don't remember the last time that I spoke to James about his father. "Obviously he didn't realize you didn't live there anymore."

That made me want to cry even more, but I tried as hard as I could to keep the tears from falling. I needed to be strong for James. He had already dealt with so much; I didn't want him to see me break down. But the idea that Wyatt had returned and immediately came looking for me gave me a sense of comfort. Not much, but just enough to make me feel that I didn't completely fail as a mother. "Did he tell you what he's been doing all these years?"

James' expression grew soft. Too soft. Eventually, he spoke. "No, not really."

It was a bold-faced lie. But if he felt so determined to lie to me then I was going to let it happen. I've already dealt with so many blows to my family. Whatever James knew was probably yet another thing I didn't want to have to deal with. "How did he die?"

"How do you think?" he murmured.

Fuck Voldemort.

"There's more."

I groaned, turning away from him as I attempted to blink back the tears. "Just tell me."

"He was with Dad when he was murdered," he said hesitantly, his eyes focusing in on mine curiously.

I whipped my head up to face him, gasping. "He…he…"

"I'm so sorry, Mom," James whispered, shaking his head.

My whole body froze in horror and shock. In all honesty, I've rarely thought about Jonathan since he left. If ever, if I could manage it. There were definitely times he popped into my head. But I did everything to ignore those thoughts. I still harbored some angry feelings towards him. I know why he left. He told me. He didn't just up and leave like Wyatt had, leaving a mere note behind. He was actually brave enough to tell me he was leaving. He just wasn't brave enough to stay. He blamed himself for our family falling apart. And no matter how many times I reassured him he wasn't to blame and that _I _never onceblamed him, he just couldn't listen. So he left. At a time I needed him most.

He hadn't always been so stiff and rigid. Before Brite came along, he was one of the sweetest, most caring men I've ever met. He was a romantic at heart, whisking me away on weekend getaways when he thought we needed some time off. But the moment Brite was born, Jonathan threw his whole life into his work in order to give his son (and eventually all of his children) a sense of security and accomplishment. He wanted to provide everything to his children that his father provided to him and his grandfather provided to Jonathan's father. Every male in the Potter family had been an Auror. And so he always thought that Brite and Wyatt and eventually James, Grant, and Jaron would want to follow in his footsteps. And maybe he pushed them a little too hard. Maybe he thought his strictness and excessive rigidity was good for his sons because that's what he got from his father and what his father got from his grandfather. But the moment Brite died, something broke inside of Jonathan. He suddenly realized that his strictness and rigidity and sternness was just that. That there was no good rhyme and reason to it. I only prayed that before he and Wyatt died, they had a chance to really hash things out. Because the one thing that had never changed during any of this was the fact that Jonathan loved our children. He thought he was doing them a favor leaving. And now he would never get the chance to explain to them how much he loved them.

"Your father loved you," I blurted out, staring determinedly at my son. Now, my eldest son.

He met my gaze, nodding slowly. "I know."

I had to turn away from him. He looked so much like his father and Wyatt. He looked so much like Brite and Jaron. "Do the others know?" The 'others' used to consist of so many people and now, I only had James, Dezzy, and Grant left. It broke my heart to think of my family torn to shreds.

He shook his head. "Not yet."

As the mother, I thought it should be me to tell them. But I could guarantee I wasn't anywhere strong to do so.

"I'm on my way to tell them now," James spoke.

I was grateful to have James in my life. I glanced up at him briefly and saw such pain in his eyes. Pain beyond his years. He tried to be so strong for all of us and he did a pretty damned good job at it. But I hated that he felt so obligated to do so. I couldn't imagine how much his heart was hurting from the death of his brothers and now his father. I couldn't imagine it because he wouldn't let me. "Thank you," I whispered breathlessly, wiping away a stray tear and grasping James' hand.

"How about that tea?" he asked with a sympathetic smile.

I could only nod at his attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'm not sure how you're going to feel about this," he began as he headed to the stove. He could have asked Ralphie to do it but I know James was just trying to busy himself. "But I asked Keegan to write an exposé on the Potter family."

I hesitated. He was right; I wasn't sure how to feel about that. "That's a long history," I said slowly. "Exactly where are you starting and ending this exposé?"

He shrugged. "She's the one doing the research so it's up to her. I guess she'll figure it out."

I glanced towards the living room where Ralphie was hustling around. I thought of Brite. My sweet, genuine Brite who always put others first. I thought of Jaron. My baby of the family who never failed to have a smile on his face. I thought of Wyatt who was the stubborn one of the family but who had a heart of gold. And I thought of Jonathan. The man I fell madly in love with back during out Hogwarts days. Everything had been so easy back then. And now? Everything had changed. I sighed and turned back to face my son standing in front of me. "I have a whole bunch of your father's old case files here. And there's about two bookshelves full back at the study in Potter Manor. They might be useful to Keegan.

He met my gaze, pouring a mug of water and sticking the tea bag in. "So you're okay with this?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, maybe this is what our family needs," I muttered. I didn't know if that was true. I still had two sons and a daughter to think about. And I had their families and friends to think about. An exposé could just make everything worse. It would put the Potter family on display for everyone. Including noneother than Lord Voldemort. But maybe it was time for the rest of the wizarding world to see that the Potters are more than just a deteriorating family. We were once a happy family. A happy family with goals and dreams that kept us living our lives to the fullest. Now, I merely lived my life on a day-to-to basis, waiting for the next tragedy to strike. It was depressing.

"I don't know what she's going to find," he admitted, handing me the warm mug of tea. "It could be bad."

"I know," I spoke softly, blowing on the tea. "It probably will be."

Glancing up at him, I saw a brief flash of guilt in his eyes before it was replaced with the hesitant vacant look he so often displayed on his face. "You going to be okay?" he asked.

No. Yes. Eventually. "Yeah."

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

I smiled. Have I mentioned recently how grateful I was to have James in my life? "I love you, too, honey."

* * *

**++LILY++**

I couldn't believe that it was just that morning I was jumping into the shower with James and now, he was nowhere to be found. A lot can go on in the span of twelve hours. I hated that.

I wasn't necessarily worried because James had disappeared. I wasn't worried because he hadn't checked in with me. I was worried because I loved him and he was hurting. And I just wanted to be with him. Not because he needed me. But because _I _needed _him_.

Three days living with James and I had barely spent any real time with him. I missed him more now than ever before. I know he loved me. But did he need me anymore? The moment that he found out about JT's kidnapping, he had been standing on my doorstep. It had been one o'clock in the morning and even though he lived with Sirius at the time, it was me he came to. We sat on my bed for hours until morning came, no words spoken between us but no sleep penetrating us either. He was vulnerable. Sad. Scared. Lost. And he showed it.

That was the last time I ever saw him like that.

I didn't know what James could possibly be feeling over Wyatt and his father's death. I knew he couldn't be pleased. But I had no idea what to believe anymore when it comes to James' emotions. It's been a long time since he'd been willing to show any honest emotion beside fake happiness.

I heard the front door open and I immediately rushed into the foyer. "Hey," I said breathlessly, falling into his arms as he wrapped them securely around my shoulders.

He kissed my hair and held me close. For a long time we just stood there. He gripped me tightly, squeezing my shoulders as if he never wanted to let go. And I never wanted him to let me go. He didn't say anything and I didn't either. I had a feeling all he really wanted was to hold me and in that moment that was all I had needed from him.

Finally, he spoke. "Please tell me we have tequila in this house."

I cracked a sympathetic smile and kissed his cheek. "Just the tequila soaking the game room carpet."

He didn't even laugh, merely shutting his eyes tightly and swallowing hard. "Can we just go to bed?" he whispered, his voice cracking.

I glanced at the grandfather clock in the foyer. "It's not even nine o'clock yet."

He opened his eyes, desperation flashing in them. "It's been a long day," he croaked out.

Tears sprang to my eyes and I tried blinking them away. It was my turn to act strong. "I love you, James."

There was a flicker of surprise in his eyes that I couldn't read. "I love you, too," he murmured.

As we headed upstairs, I couldn't help but wonder why he sounded so unsure of himself.

* * *

**A/N: **Yet another depressing chapter. But I hate to break it to you, they are all kinda in the middle of a war here so depressing chapters will be unfortunately easy to come by. But that's what they get for being both Aurors and Order members. I wish I could say it gets more uplifting from here but I think we all know that's probably not going to happen for a while.

Next: funeral reception, comfort from an unlikely person, and more about Tristan.


	18. Of Tristan, Lattes, & Loneliness

**A/N: **And I'm back with another chapter! Okay, I hate to break it to you but I've got yet another depressing chapter for you. But what do you expect out of a double death? James has been dealing with a lot of unfortunate occurrences and it's going to take more than just one chapter to make him feel better about it all. I promise you that things will get better! We all know that J/L end up together - but it's going to be a journey to get there. A war is going on and they're both smack dab in the middle of it.

**Disclaimer: **J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter. I am not J.K. Rowling. Therefore I did not write Harry Potter. Which means that most of this story doe not belong to me.

* * *

**Goodbyes on the Balcony**

By ByeByeBirdie

Chapter 18: Of Tristan, Lattes, & Loneliness

* * *

**++JAMES++**

I've been to so many funerals that this one shouldn't have been any different. Except it was. Because I was mourning the loss of two people I hadn't been close to for years. Two people who had had the audacity to walk out on their family. I shouldn't have been heartbroken over losing them when I had already lost them so many years prior. And yet I was heartbroken. Because they had still been my family. A family that was crumbling in front of my very eyes.

I only remembered one thing about the double funeral and that was the tears running down my mother's face. She didn't speak the entire time. She didn't even look at anyone. She looked straight ahead at the front of the church, her eyes on the floral arrangements behind the caskets. She didn't sob or bawl or snuffle. She merely sat there stoically. And it killed me watching her.

It hurt that I had to tell her Wyatt sought out Dad before he sought out her. I saw the pain in her eyes when I told her that. And then I had to tell her he was dead. Oh, yeah, and so was the man that she was married to for thirty years.

Her life was falling apart more than mine and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was all my fault.

As I sat off in the corner at the reception, I was very much aware of how impossible it was to bear. It was an exact replica of Brite's reception and JT's reception. The same people showed up, give or a take a few, and everyone spouted the same lame apologies and sympathy. I had no desire to be there. But somehow I was rooted to a particular spot in the corner of the room. Maybe because I was trying to show how strong I could be. Or maybe it was because I just felt numb all over that the prospect of moving was merely a fantasy.

"Hey."

My thoughts were interrupted by Lily brushing a strand of hair from my face.

"How are you doing?" she whispered, kissing the top of my head.

She had been by my side the entire day. A part of me, the weaker part of me, was so grateful that she was there to hold my hand throughout the day. But the fearful side of me wanted to keep her far away from me because everyone that was apparently in my presence wasn't going to be around for very long. It was absolutely impossible not thinking about the implications of Wyatt and my father's death on the future. Specifically, on the future of my loved ones' lives. Which included Lily. I loved her too much to ever see her fall on the list of people I had to mourn at a funeral. That might literally kill me.

"I can't hear the word 'I'm sorry' one more time," I said back, my teeth clenched tightly.

"I know," she said, choosing to sit down beside me. "I can't imagine what you're going through."

"Not sure how you can't imagine it considering this is apparently a common occurrence for me."

She frowned at my bluntness. "Don't get all cynical on me now," she pleaded. "You're stronger than that."

"Am I?" I murmured. "Sometimes I wonder."

She reached for my hand but I instinctively jerked it away before she could reach me. She looked up at me, confused. "Are you alright, James?"

I couldn't help but shoot her a look. "I'm at a funeral. What do you think?"

"I know that," she said softly, clearly hurt by my harsh words. "But you're not acting like yourself right now. I just want to make sure you're going to be okay."

No, Lily. I'm not going to be okay. I'm not going to be okay until Voldemort is destroyed and all is right in the world again. "Yeah," I lied. "I'll be fine."

Worry spread in her eyes. "You don't really believe that, do you," she whispered knowingly.

Merlin, I just wanted to grab her and never let go as if that would stop the world from crashing down around me. Instead I said, "I just want this all to be over."

"Hey," she said softly, reaching for my hand yet again. I didn't stop it this time as she squeezed it. "Whatever happens, I'll be here."

I know. That's part of the problem.

"James," a familiar deep voice spoke from behind me to break me from my depressing thoughts.

I stiffened and turned around to face Dumbledore.

"Albus," I spoke coolly. I could feel Lily's curious eyes staring at me. It wasn't like me to use Dumbledore's first name and it certainly wasn't like me to use his name so callously.

Surprise flickered in his eyes. "I know how much you're hurting and-"

"Do you?" I retaliated, trying hard to bite my tongue. "Because I'm pretty sure you don't know a damned thing about what I'm feeling. Or maybe you do and you just don't care. I'm not sure which is worse."

I stormed off, leaving him behind with Lily, and headed straight through the kitchen outdoors. I needed fresh air now more than ever, needing to find some sort of escape from my own morbid thoughts. If that was even possible. I ignored the slight bit of drizzle falling from the sky as I traipsed through my back door and fell into an Adirondack chair on the lawn, trying hard to catch my breath.

I knew I wasn't really that mad at Dumbledore. I could never be mad at him. He was the most selfless person I knew. If he really thought he was helping Wyatt and my family, then he probably was. Didn't make it any easier knowing he had a hand in Wyatt's disappearance and never told me. Never told anyone. So I wasn't mad. But I was hurt.

He had kept so many secrets from me. About my family. About Moody. About Sydny. And about myself. A pang erupted in my heart as I thought back to the words Dumbledore spoke in the hospital the day he told me Voldemort was after me. He was going after everyone in my life. Even if they didn't mean that much to me.

So what did that mean for Lily?

I knew that I hadn't imagined that Rodolphus and Bellatrix went after Lily that day in the training facilities. They had pushed me aside and had said that it wasn't me they were going after. If I recall (and I did have a huge bump on the back of my head so the details could be fuzzy), Bellatrix had said that it was time to go for the one that Voldemort wanted most. And it was obvious that that person was Lily. And that scared the hell out of me. I couldn't live my life without her. With all of the tragedies and heartbreak I've had to endure over the years, she was my constant. She was my stability (if stability was something I could even really strive for). Whenever I would start to feel overwhelmed by depression, I would look into her eyes and suddenly, my fears and anxieties would disappear. I didn't just love her. I _needed _her. But more than that, I needed her alive. My entire world, life, existence would be over if I ever heard the words that she was dead.

I rubbed my temples. Unfortunately, it seemed that it was inevitable if Voldemort had his way. And when was the last time Voldemort didn't get his way?

"Hey."

I was really beginning to hate that word. I didn't have to turn around to know that Keegan was standing there.

"I'd ask how you're doing, but we both know that's a stupid question."

I simply shrugged.

"And I'd say I'm sorry, but I have a feeling you'd hex me if you had to hear those two words one more time."

I finally looked up. "How are things going with the exposé?"

She offered me a smile. A lopsided, sympathetic smile. A smile I was really beginning to hate. "I met your brother."

"Grant?" Turns out, he had been back in London for a few weeks after staying in China for a while. Word was he was planning on heading back to Asia right after this reception.

She nodded.

"Did he give you anything?"

"Yeah," she murmured. "He was surprisingly forthcoming. Turns out, as much as he didn't appreciate his family, he'd like to know what the hell is going on as well."

"Can't remember the last time we shared something in common," I commented with a curt shrug. Can't even remember the last time we talked. Even with everything that's occurred to the rest of our family, he and I haven't exactly buried the hatchet. He had been in Asia for a few months and even before then, we barely spoke. We had gotten together with the family occasionally on holidays, but we weren't ever going to be best friends. Too much history.

"James?"

"Hm?"

"I _am _sorry," she said softly, her eyes piercing through mine. "It's not fair that this keeps happening to you and your family. I know how much it hurts and I know how much it's killing you to watch so many close to you die."

I swallowed hard, returning my gaze to the landscape displayed in front of us. "Whatever," I eventually said. "It doesn't matter."

I felt her gaze on me, never swaying. She didn't speak and I was thankful that she didn't. I just wanted this hell to be over. Which 'hell' I was referring to, I couldn't be sure. The hell of this reception? The hell of all these tragedies? The hell that had become my life?

"Does it help, James?" she asked hesitantly.

I gazed at her in confusion. "Does what help?"

My eyes locked with hers and there was a moment of intense compassion between the two of us. A compassion I have never once seen from Keegan Rouge. She offered me a curt shrug. "Saying aloud that it doesn't matter when it actually hurts more than anyone could ever possibly know."

I blinked, a look of awe spreading across my face. She refused to look away and somehow my eyes were drawn to hers. Neither of us could turn away. It wasn't just compassion I sensed in her. It was understanding. I finally pulled my eyes away from hers. "No," I responded. "It doesn't help."

She sighed. "Yeah," she whispered. "I know. And I'm really sorry that it doesn't."

"How do you know so much?" I murmured hesitantly.

Silence again. I turned to her, sensing an uneasy tension brooding in the air. Instead of that compassion and understanding, there was pain in her eyes. Unbelievable pain. And I had a feeling I already knew what she was about to say. "I've been there," she said softly, using the cocktail straw in her drink to stir the ice around hesitantly. "To this day, I pretend that…that it doesn't matter."

I quirked a curious eyebrow.

She sighed and I knew she knew what it felt like. To feel like sympathy wasn't enough. That it was empathy that ever mattered. The words "I'm sorry" start to sound hollow coming from people who don't really understand the pain that death inflicts upon you. But looking at her I knew she knew exactly what that was like. I just wasn't sure how.

She swallowed hard and said, "I know what it's like to…to lose someone you love," she said softly.

I glanced at her. "Yeah?"

She shut her eyes, taking a deep breath in, before opening her eyes and staring me straight in the face. "My fiancé died four years ago. Voldemort's doing."

I froze in shock. First Lily's family, then mine, next was Sydny's, now Keegan lost someone. Why was it that everyone in my life had to deal with such horrible pain and suffering that came with the tragedy of death? No one deserved such devastating heartbreak. No one deserved to feel such emptiness and defeat. No one deserved such abandonment. No one.

"Keegan, I-I don't know what to say."

She merely shrugged. "No one ever does."

Ain't that the truth.

I turned my gaze on her again and saw her strong attempt to not let the strong, confident expression on her face waver. The death of her fiancé explained a lot about Keegan. She tried to be so strong and independent and yet it was overwhelming guardedness that permeated her life. She had put herself in the ultimate vulnerable position by falling in love and he died. He was taken away from her in a cruel and unfair way. And selfishly, I started to turn my thoughts away from Keegan and back on Lily.

I couldn't imagine dealing with something as horrible as the death of the girl I'm in love with. Maybe I was too close to her if that was even possible. Just like Keegan, I was in a horribly vulnerable position by being so madly in love with Lily Evans. And all I wanted to do was protect myself and ultimately protect her from the dangers and the risks that I solely presented to her. But how the hell was I supposed to do any more than what I've been trying to do? Fighting for my life and her life and the lives of everyone I cared about by trying to be the best Auror and the best Order member I could possibly be was supposed to be enough. But apparently it wasn't.

As I glanced back over at Keegan I was more scared than ever. If Keegan could lose the love of her life, so too could all of us. And I wasn't sure I ever wanted to end up looking and acting like Keegan. She tried to pretend as if she was fine but she wasn't. We all knew it even when she tried hiding it. Her heart was still trying to mend itself from the overwhelming agony it had to endure and while we never were able to pinpoint it, it was more obvious now than ever before. I wanted better for myself and I wanted better for Lily. I wanted us to always be there for each other. I just really wish there was an easy fix to make sure that could happen.

Damnit, I was determined to find that fix.

"Tell me about him," I found myself saying pleadingly.

She blinked, clearly trying to avoid eye contact with me as she stared straight ahead. "There's not much to say," she said hollowly, shrugging. "He was…he was my fiancé. And the he wasn't."

"I don't know how you do it," I blurted out.

She frowned. "Do what?"

"How you continue on with your life without the person that makes it worth living," I whispered, my eyes never faltering from her.

Her bottom lip trembled as she finally turned to look at me. "I'm not sure how I do it either," she admitted in a soft whisper.

Somehow that just made me feel worse.

"Tristan was my world," she continued. "My everything. So I know a little bit about having your world fall apart at the drop of a hat so unexpectedly. Or in your case in the drop of a few hats. It _sucks_," she emphasized. "There's…there's no other way to sum it up. It hurts more than anyone will ever know. It's the worst kind of pain anyone could ever deal with. Losing someone unexpectedly, especially those who you love, is unbearable. We're…we're too young to be dealing with this."

I could only nod, the lump in my throat growing increasingly by the second.

"So I might be one of the few people who actually means it when I say I'm so terribly sorry, James," she said softly, surreptitiously trying to wipe away a tear. "Because even though I know how much easier it is to pretend it doesn't affect you, I know that deep down inside your heart is shattered into a million pieces. And all you want is for those pieces to be repaired. Problem is, they never will."

Depression welled up inside of me and I had to bite my bottom lip to stop any semblance of tears. "No," I whispered, swallowing the lump. "They won't."

She then did something that surprised me. She reached out, grabbed my hand, squeezed it tightly, and didn't let go. And I never appreciated Keegan Rouge more.

* * *

**++LILY++**

I watched my boyfriend and my ex-roommate from the kitchen, sensing that if I walked out there I would be intruding on what could only be described as some sort of tender, bonding moment between the two. I guess if James didn't want me to comfort him, at least he had someone. But surprise and confusion rushed over me when I saw Keegan reach over to squeeze his hand. Keegan and James have always gotten along with each other, but not to the point of any intimate gestures such as holding hands.

I sighed. It was crazy that I was apparently jealous of her. But clearly he was listening and talking to her while all he had done with me for the past few days was shut me out. I knew he was aware of it even if he tried to ignore it. I just wish I knew why he was so keen on pushing me away now more than ever. But I guess if I couldn't be there for James, at least someone could. It was hard watching him fall apart. The way he was acting with Wyatt and his father's deaths reminded me of the way he had acted when he had found out about Brite. He was becoming withdrawn and distancing himself away from me, heart and mind combined. I thought we had gotten over that. When Jaron was kidnapped and killed, James came to me immediately for comfort. When an Auror was killed in action, James wanted me by his side when he had to attend the funeral. After the distance he put between us when Brite died nearly tore us up, he had never even tried to be that guy again. He needed me and he showed that. Except now. It was hard to recognize the man that was now in front of me.

"He will be okay, Lily," a deep voice spoke from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder at Dumbledore. "He's strong."

"I know he's strong," I murmured. "But how long is that going to last? He can only stay so strong when his family is falling apart."

He rested his hand on my shoulder. "I'm glad he has such a support system in his life like you, Miss Evans," he said softly. Too softly. I glanced up at him, sensing worry deriving from his words. Worry that seemed very unlike Albus Dumbledore. "He needs it."

I turned away from him to gaze at the back of my boyfriend's head. All I wanted was to hug him and never let go. I wanted to stop time so that no more bad could happen to him. I wanted to protect him from all the deaths and disasters he's had to endure. I just wanted him to be happy.

Tears welled up in my eyes when I realized that that was merely a fantasy. With everything that's happened to him, I was skeptical that James Potter would ever really be happy again.

"Has he talked to you at all, Lily?" Dumbledore asked quietly, interrupting my thoughts. "About what's been going on?"

I glanced up at him, confused. "About what exactly? He's not one to discuss his feelings much, Albus," I reminded him.

He nodded. "I know. I just don't want him to bottle everything up inside."

A lump formed in my throat as my gaze once again fell upon James. "I think it's a little too late for that."

Dumbledore didn't respond. He didn't need to. I knew he agreed with me.

It came as no surprise to any of us that we all ended up in the library later that night. It's where we always went to avoid the looks of pity and the words of fake sympathy. It was almost comforting to at least have each other during these tragic times. James sat stiffly on the couch, my head resting in his lap as he stroked my hair. Dezzy and Drew cuddled in the loveseat, a blanket strewn over their bodies. Sirius sat on the other end of the couch, occasionally tickling my feet as he knew how much that annoyed me. Remus and Peter were leaning up against one of the bookcases while Keegan sat on the piano bench, intermittently tinkering away on the piano keys when it got even slightly quiet. Lance was lying on his stomach on the floor, resting his arms underneath his chin on a pillow with Kay's head leaning on the curve of Lance's back. Lance's brothers had strolled into the library at different times throughout the evening, spending an hour or two with the group before disappearing back into the crowd. Frank and Alice stopped in for a while and Fabian, too, although it was clear Fabian wasn't sure how to act around Keegan and ended up leaving quickly after. I was shocked when Grant dropped in, nodding his acknowledgement and relaying his sympathies before whisking himself away to find Maya. It was even more unexpected when Sydny walked into the library to express her condolences. She didn't stay long and there was some sort of awkward tension between her and James that I wasn't sure what to think about. I could tell she wanted to be anywhere but in that library but probably felt obligated to be there for at least a brief period of time.

I thought back to the night we spent in the library of Brite's reception. We had somehow hoarded about eight bottles of wine. This time, we had only two bottles and they both remained untouched. I think we were all too exhausted and drained to even attempt to pour a glass of wine for ourselves. It was obvious that none of us wanted to be there. Not because we didn't want to honor Wyatt and Mr. Potter's memory, but because we were all getting quite frustrated with the repetition of the library get-togethers at funeral receptions.

As the time ticked by and everyone recapped their favorite memories they had shared with Wyatt and Mr. Potter, one by one, people started slowly departing. Eventually, it was just me, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter left in the library. We were always the last five standing. I couldn't help but smile sullenly at that thought. The camaraderie among the four Marauders (maybe even the five of us) was the only thing in my life I would never take for granted. The four of them unconditionally shared a bond that most people would kill for. It made my heart warm every time I saw them together. It made me feel slightly comforted. But only slightly.

"What are the chances the ballroom has emptied out by now?" James whined, stifling a yawn.

Remus glanced at the clock on the wall. "Slim to none. Those Italian Aurors like to drink. They'll use any excuse to do so."

"Even a funeral," James muttered.

Four pairs of eyes rested on him, including mine filled with worry.

"Stop," he said firmly, shaking his head.

"What?" Peter asked innocently.

"Stop giving me those looks. I get those looks enough from people who showed up today and barely know me. I don't need them from you four."

I turned away, knowing he was right. It was hard not sympathizing, even empathizing coming from someone who lost her entire family, but I know how much I hated those looks of pity. It made you feel like a leper, like you're nothing, like you should feel ashamed. It made you realize that those looking at you are thinking how grateful they are that it didn't happen to them. It made you wonder what was going to happen next, what the future held for you. If there was even a future for you anymore. If you wanted a future. A single look from someone made you question everything you used to be, everything you are, and everything you could or will be.

I thought it was wise to change the subject. "What was going on between you and Dumbledore?"

He frowned. "It's nothing."

Liar. "What about you and Sydny?"

He snorted. "The girl's a bitch. What more do you need to know?"

Lying again. "And what were you and Keegan talking about in the backyard?"

He hesitated, meeting my gaze. Uncertainty flickered in his eyes and wondered briefly if I even wanted to know. "Well, I found out why the girl always seems so guarded."

I noticed Sirius to my left perk up, his eyes fixated keenly on James. "You did?" he asked hoarsely.

James nodded.

"Well?" I urged.

He pursed out his lips, taking his stare off of me and sighing. "Her fiancé died four years ago."

Gasps escaped Remus, Peter, and my mouths. Interestingly enough, not Sirius'. "_What_?" I finally whispered.

"She was engaged?" Peter mused.

He nodded solemnly. "Guess so."

"What happened to him?" Remus asked.

He shrugged curtly. "What do you think? Voldemort happened."

Aw, jeez. No wonder her relationships always ended in tense failure. No wonder she found a way to run off whenever it got too much to handle. No wonder she was so afraid of any sort of long-standing commitment. Why did everyone in my life have to deal with untimely deaths?

"Did she happen to mention to you who her fiancé was?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

James shrugged. "Some bloke named Tristan. Does it matter? It's still heartbreaking."

Sirius clenched his teeth, choosing not to respond.

James narrowed his eyes curiously at him. I did, too. Sirius knew something he wasn't telling us. "Why, what do you know?"

Sirius shook his head slowly. "Nothing good," he murmured.

Oh, great. What now?

James sighed, rubbing his temples. "Sirius, just tell us."

Silence followed. Sirius licked his lips like he so often did when trying to stall and find the right words. He moved to chewing on the inside of his lip and that's when I started to get slightly worried. My heartbeat started to race as I attempted to think of the million possibilities of sentences that could tumble out of Sirius' mouth. I came up blank.

"Does Tristan Moreau ring a bell?"

I felt James stiffen beneath my touch and when I sat up to look at him, I noticed his face was slowly turning white. I tried to place that name and even though it sounded vaguely familiar, I was unable to do so.

"Oh, shit," James whispered.

He was beginning to scare me.

Sirius met James' gaze and nodded. "'Oh shit' is right."

I could feel James' heart beating a mile a minute beneath me. "Tristan Moreau was her fiancé?" he choked out.

Sirius hesitated, nodding.

James scrambled up from the couch, heading towards the door. "I have to go find her."

"Aw, Prongs, hold up," Sirius pleaded. "Don't go chasing after her. You can't fix any of this."

He shook his head. "I know that," he muttered, swallowing hard. "But I can at least give her a bit of closure. Do you know how many times I've wondered why it had to be Brite who died? Or JT? Now Wyatt and my father? Why they were chosen? _Why? _Well,I can answer that question for Keegan. Or at least try." He shrugged and rushed out the door.

"James, c'mon!" Sirius cried out again, but James was gone. Sirius slumped down on to the couch with a sigh.

"Who's Tristan Moreau and why does that name ring a bell?" Remus asked.

Sirius turned his gaze on Remus with a frown. "He was the son of the former French Minister of Magic. The whole family was killed by Death Eaters."

Chills ran up my spine. Now I knew why that name sounded so familiar. "Oh, no."

"Yes," Sirius repeated.

"What?" Peter asked, still clearly confused.

It was as if time just stopped. All I saw was the horrified look on Sirius' face when our eyes met and I was transported back in time four years earlier. To the day of the Moreaus' funerals. While hundreds and thousands of wizards and witches throughout the world mourned the loss of a great man and his family, somewhere deep in a forest in Thailand, Voldemort was hunting Aurors.

"The Moreaus' deaths were merely a diversion from Voldemort's real plans," Sirius explained, barely above a whisper. "The real plan was to attack an Auror training mission going on in Southeast Asia."

"Oh, shit," Peter said.

Sirius nodded. "The same Auror training mission that killed Brite Potter and Darien Prewett."

I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick.

* * *

**++KEEGAN++**

I was oddly thankful for James giving me what I needed: a reason to stay in Godric's Hollow. That exposé was something I was more than thrilled to write. It was the kind of research and fact-finding I had always been interested in and it was really going to shed a lot of light on the Potter family. I was grateful that James was able to give me a reason to stay when Sirius clearly could have but didn't.

I was sifting through some of the notes on the Potter family I took at the reception when there was a knock on my door. Glancing at the clock, I was shocked to see it was after midnight. My mind had been so wrapped up in looking over my interview with Dezzy that time had passed by faster than I expected.

Another knock came. I hesitated, wondering who the hell would be at my door after midnight. I was quite confused to see that it was James.

"James?" I murmured. "What are you doing here?"

He looked shaken. "Can I come in?" he asked hesitantly.

I nodded slowly, gesturing him in. "Are you alright?" I asked, realizing his face was ashen and his bottom lip was trembling.

He took a deep breath in and let out a long, drawn-out sigh, never letting his gaze waver from mine. He took a seat on the couch, swallowing hard. "Not really," he finally said, shaking his head cautiously.

I still couldn't figure out why he was there. After the day he had, he should have been with Lily. Or Dezzy or his mother. Maybe even Sirius and Remus and Peter. Not me. Unless… "Are you here about the exposé?" I asked curiously. It was the only logical explanation.

He shook his head. "No," he was quick to argue.

There goes that theory.

He paused. "Well, not intentionally."

That caught my attention. "Not intentionally?" I repeated, confused.

"I'm here about Tristan."

The worlds tumbled out of his mouth and I froze at the very sound of my ex-fiancé's name. I couldn't even build up the strength to ask what he meant by that. I know I had spoken of Tristan briefly earlier, but I thought that would be it. Mention him for a few seconds to help a friend going through a rough time and then go back to pretending as if it never happened. And now James was sitting in front of me, determined to talk about it. "Forget it, James. He's a part of my past," I eventually muttered.

"I know," he said softly. "He's a part of my past, too."

I stared at him, uncertain how to take that. "What are you talking about?"

James fell silent, biting down on the inside of his lip like he so often did when he was feeling vulnerable. He was clearly trying to find a way to tell me something. Something I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear. The look on James' face told me enough. "Did you ever figure out why Voldemort targeted him?" he asked.

No. But I've certainly wondered every day since Tristan died. "Does Voldemort need a rhyme and reason to kill innocent people?" I spat, swallowing hard.

"Not always," spoke James, his voice barely above a whisper.

I gazed at him. "Is this the part where you suddenly tell me you know why Voldemort killed Tristan?"

"And his family," James blurted out.

I froze. I never told him about Tristan's family, which meant that James did indeed more than I thought he did. "How do you know that?" I whispered.

Silence once again. His bottom lip trembled again and I saw guilt flicker in his eyes. A strong look of guilt. A look that made me nervous. Scared, even. I didn't want to hear what he had to say.

I sighed. Except if it was about Tristan and his death, maybe I did.

"James," I said, placing my hand on his arm. "Just talk to me."

He swallowed hard. "You might not want to hear this."

I nodded. "I know."

I couldn't figure out what it is that James could have possibly known about Tristan's death, but I was willing to listen.

"Do you remember anything that happened the day of Tristan's funeral?" he asked.

"You mean besides the funeral?" I snorted, wincing when I realized that sounded harsh.

He gazed at me, his focus filled with heartbreak. "Yeah, besides the funeral," he murmured. "I mean anything that happened in the real world. Anything with Voldemort."

I racked my brain but that day was an entire black cloud in my mind. I can barely remember what _I _did that day much less what a bastard like Voldemort was doing that day. "James, I was more worrying about putting the guy I was madly in love with into the ground. That was _my _real world," I said bluntly, shaking my head. "Whatever the hell Voldemort was doing elsewhere wasn't on my mind."

"Oh, Keegan, I'm so sorry," he blurted out, shaking his head incredulously.

I shrugged, turning away from his sad puppy-dog face. "It's not your fault," I muttered.

He stiffened beside me, retracting his arm from underneath my hand. "What if it is?"

Okay, now he was slowly starting to frighten me. "What?"

Silence again. He was brooding, thinking to himself. And I wanted to chuck a pillow at him to stop his quiet fretting and just spill whatever the hell he knew. But I didn't. I remained silent, letting him collect his thoughts. Letting myself collect my own thoughts.

"There was a British Auror training mission in Southeast Asia at the time of the Moreaus' deaths," he started hastily and yet cautiously. "Voldemort's plan all along had been to covertly attack those Aurors. Catch them off-guard and unexpectedly. Kill them all. But…but…"

"But?" I urged, my heart beating a mile a minute.

James swallowed hard. "He and some of his Death Eaters were spotted in Thailand before that plan could be executed."

He hesitated like that should mean something to me. It didn't. "So?"

James met my gaze. There was remorse and shame muffled in his hazel eyes. "So Voldemort needed a diversion," he said softly.

My heart skipped a beat. "So he went after the Moreaus?" I suggested.

James offered me a single curt nod.

This sounded vaguely familiar. But only vaguely. I shut my eyes, letting my mind wander back to one of the worst days I've ever had to encounter. I thought about all the people who relayed their deepest sympathies to me. I thought about those same people who were secretly glad it hadn't been their fiancées who were killed. But I couldn't remember much past those insincere apologies.

James sighed. "He had some Death Eaters laying low in the French country so…so he called upon them to attack the biggest names in France at the time," he muttered.

So they didn't even die for some political regime. They died because Voldemort panicked. Their death wasn't even noble or honorable. They merely died a horrible and painful death. And for what? So others could die the next day?

He continued. "And while the entire country of France mourned the loss of their Minister and his family, while people attended the funeral and while others listened to the ceremony over the WWN, Voldemort had his own plans."

I didn't want to hear anymore. "Stop," I murmured, shaking my head. "I get it. I get that Voldemort's plans were spiteful and vengeful. That Tristan's death meant nothing to him. Meant nothing to anyone except maybe me. That Voldemort didn't care what he was doing as long as he got what he wanted. I get it. You don't have to go on."

"But I do," James pleaded.

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I blinked them away furiously. It had been a long time since I cried over Tristan's death. I wasn't about to start now. "No you don't," I begged feebly.

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, not letting go until I looked at him. "There were fifteen Aurors on that training mission in Thailand," he continued softly. "Five of them died."

I shut my eyes, wanting him to stop talking. While death was inevitable for everyone, I was seriously done discussing it with James at that moment. I didn't want to continue reliving the worst day of my life.

"My brother was one of those that died."

Oh, shit. I froze, my mouth dropping open in sympathy. "Brite?" I whispered.

He nodded, his bottom lip trembling.

I've briefly heard Brite's name mentioned over the past few months. Maybe a handful of times. I knew he had been an Auror and he died in battle. But that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge on the subject. I had never even known when he had died. Never knew the date or even the year. So it's stupid of me to think that I should have been able to correlate his death with Tristan's. But I couldn't help but think I was foolish for not seeing it before. It's what we all do in a similar coincidental situation. We second-guess ourselves.

My gaze fell on James who looked heartbroken. Guilty even. His eyes were averted towards the wooden floors, his thoughts clearly on his brother. My eyebrows narrowed when I realized why he looked so guilty. "You don't blame yourself for any of these deaths, do you?"

No response. Guess that answered my question. "Oh, come off it, James," I argued, shaking my head. "You said it yourself. _Voldemort's _plan was to go after the Aurors. _Voldemort _needed a diversion. _Voldemort _sent his men he was hiding in France to kill the Moreaus. _Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort_. Never once were you a part of his thinking process. Never once were you a part of the plan. So don't you dare start thinking so."

There was a flicker of shame in his eyes, quickly replaced with uncertainty. "You said before that Tristan's death probably didn't mean anything to a lot of people." I met his gaze and he slowly shook his head. "You're wrong," he said softly. "It means something to me."

I tried desperately to blink back the tears that were pooling in my eyelids. The tears I had forced myself not to cry since I left France behind.

He turned his head, swallowing hard. "I think about the Moreaus all the time. When we all talk about innocent people who died by the hands of Voldemort, the Moreaus are on the top of that list. They meant nothing to Voldemort. He probably didn't even know their names. There was no plan, no real reason they were chosen. If he had Death Eaters stationed in Italy, it would have been the Italian Minister's family. If they were in Australia, it would have been the Australian Minister's family. It makes me sick and it _pains _me to know that a happy, healthy family who didn't pose a danger or a threat was so expendable to Voldemort," he whispered, his voice hoarse and filled with agony. He lifted his gaze to look at me. I felt his eyes burning a hole through the side of my skull but I didn't look up. I couldn't look up. Tears were slowly slipping down my cheeks and if I looked James in the eye, there was a good chance those few tears would turn into sobs. And the last time I cried over Tristan, I couldn't stop. "Look, I know you want to talk about anything else right now, but I just wanted to say how incredibly sorry I am. I know you probably think of Tristan Moreau every day and I just wanted to let you know that I do, too. Maybe not in the same way you do, but I will never forget him. And what he died for."

"He didn't die for anything," I spat out in a hurt whisper.

"Yes, he did," James pleaded, shaking his head. "His death may not be honorable to you, but-"

"He shouldn't have died at all!" My voice cracked.

"I know," James retaliated immediately, his voice cracking. "You don't think I realize that? You don't think I wonder every day why it had to be them? Why _they _had to die so that my own bloody brother could die just a few damned days later!? Why anyone had to die at all!? I know that they shouldn't have died! But they did. And we can't change that! But four years later, while everyone else in this goddamned wizarding world has already forgotten the unfortunate deaths that the Moreaus endured, _I _haven't forgotten. And I never will."

"James-"

"They died because of me," he croaked, biting down hard on the inside of his lip. "Because of my family. My brother. I'll never forgive myself for that. So I certainly don't expect you to."

He swiftly got off the couch and headed towards the door.

"Stop, James!" I cried out after him, pulling my wand and locking the front door. "Damnit, James, I don't blame you so you shouldn't either!"

His hand froze on the doorknob and he slowly turned around. I was shocked and amazed to see tears in his eyes. "You should," he whispered. "Blame me, I mean."

"What?"

He shook his head, wiping his eyes. "Nothing," he whispered. "It's just…"

"Just what?"

He shrugged curtly. "It's just not fair, that's all," he finished.

I met his eyes, shaking my head slowly. "Nothing ever is."

He swallowed hard. "You can say that again," he eventually spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

When I glanced up at him, I could tell he was hiding something. That much was obvious. He was always hiding something. I picked up my wand again and unlocked the door.

He glanced down at the door hesitantly. Before he could leave, I blurted out, "When do I get to interview you, James?"

He slowly lifted his gaze to meet my curious stare. He narrowed his eyes cautiously. "What do you want to know?"

Goosebumps ran up and down my arms at the way he was looking at me. So vulnerable, so scared, so defeated. But most of all, he was feeling a lot of pain. I shrugged. "Everything."

He smirked. "That might take a while," he announced.

I glanced at the clock. It was 12:45 PM. "I have all night."

Once again, his eyes grazed the doorknob. After a slight hesitation, he pulled his hand off the door and headed back towards me, slowly falling on to the couch. "I guess so do I."

* * *

**++LILY++**

It was impossible trying to fall asleep that night with James' side of the bed vacant. He had run off from the library earlier and I hadn't heard from him since. It shouldn't have some as a surprise seeing as the moment he found out about his brother and father, he was avoiding all of us. But I had still hoped something would change within him. That he would stop bottling it all inside and admit that he needed me. Needed all of us. He couldn't go through any of this alone and none of us expected him to. But no matter how much I told him I was always going to be there for him, he was starting not to care about that. He was becoming a robot, a mere shell of hopelessness and I just prayed he would come back. He was allowed to be distant for a short while as long as he found his way back.

I jumped as I heard the door creak open. I glanced up to see James trying to tiptoe into the bedroom. "Hey."

He froze in the doorway. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, I was already awake," I said, sitting up in bed. "Where have you been?"

"Keegan's."

I blinked, glancing over at the clock in the corner. "For four hours?"

He frowned. "Has it been that long?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

That's all he had to say? "Did you tell her about…" I trailed off.

He nodded, slipping into the bedroom and shutting the door behind him. "Brite? Yeah," he murmured.

"How'd she take it?"

He threw off his dark robes, tossing them on to the chair in the corner. "She doesn't blame me."

"Why would she?" I asked, confused. "You didn't do anything. Brite didn't even do anything. This was all Voldemort's doing. You have to recognize that, James. We are doing all that we can to try and stop him. And with the Order and your duties as an Auror, we're going to make it happen."

"How can you be so sure, Lils?" he blurted out. "We've been doing this for four years and what have we really accomplished?"

My heart ached at the clear defeat in his words. I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay but unfortunately I could never be sure of that. "Please don't lose hope," I whispered.

He frowned, turning around to face me. I could see the anxiety in the creases of his forehead as he leaned up against the dresser with a sigh. "What does hoping do, Lils? It just leaves us with empty dreams that will most likely never get fulfilled. Maybe it's time we just accept the unfortunate reality of our lives and stop living in a dream world."

"_Stop_," I pleaded through gritted teeth. "This isn't you, James. This is your grief talking. Please don't give up. Not yet. You still have so much. And I know that it doesn't feel like you do right now. I _know _that. But you have to know that you so many people on your side. People rooting for you. People rooting against Voldemort and his followers. And we're not going anywhere. We are always going to be here for you. _Always_. And that's how you're going be able to get through all of this. Because we're not going to let you _not _get through it."

He blinked, a curious look flickering in his eyes as he gazed down at me. "I know that you're always going to be there, Lily," he said softly. "Even if I don't always deserve it."

"You deserve it," I responded immediately, slowly climbing out of bed and taking the steps over to him. I placed my arms around his shoulders and he hesitantly placed his hand on my hips, daring to look me in the eye. "Don't think that just because all this bullshit that you don't deserve keeps happening to you that means you don't deserve the good in your life."

He merely nodded, brushing my hair from my forehead. "You know I love you, right?"

It wasn't the reaction I was expecting, the words sounding so robotically rehearsed as I could tell it was his way of shutting the conversation up, but I could only nod. "I know that," I whispered, drawing my arms down to wrap around his waist as I leaned my head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I was very aware of how safe I always felt there. The world could be crashing down around me but as long as I could be in the safety of my boyfriend's arms, I probably wouldn't notice let alone care. "I love you, too, James."

But as we crawled into bed together that night, I couldn't help but wonder why it felt like we were a million miles apart even while lying in each other's arms.

* * *

**++SYDNY++**

I had started at the British Auror offices a month ago and I was always the first one in the office. Well, besides Moody occasionally. But imagine my shock when I walked into the office that Monday morning and saw James sitting at his desk. "Hey," I said slowly.

"I hate that word," he grumbled.

"Sorry," I murmured, sitting down at my desk. I noticed a cup of coffee sitting there.

"Chai tea latte," said James from behind me.

I stared at him. "Why are you being nice?"

He rolled his eyes. "I'm always nice."

I snorted.

He cracked a smile. "I didn't think you'd buy that."

I chuckled, picking up the latte and sniffing it.

"It's not filled with poison, Lafevre," he laughed. "It's just a latte."

"I've learned over the years that it's never _just _a latte," I argued, giving him a look. "So what do you want?"

"Nothing," he argued. He almost sounded sincere. "I was just here early and I was down in the coffee shop and I thought you might want a Chai tea latte."

"Yeah, it's that first part that worries me."

"Which part?"

"The 'you were early' part."

He rolled his eyes, turning around to face his own desk. "Why does that worry you?"

I shrugged, not responding immediately, using that time to really scrutinize him. I waited until he glanced up at me to say, "You can't hide from your problems, Potter."

He scoffed. "I'm not trying to hide. Just because Wyatt and my father died doesn't mean everything's changed," he murmured, shaking his head. "I'm just…I missed work on Friday. So I've got a lot to catch up on."

"James-"

"Don't say anything," he pleaded. "Please, just…just let me do my work."

I sighed, gazing at him sympathetically. "Okay."

James might have thought that nothing had changed, but in all honesty, everything did. Over the next month, it was rare that I was the first in the office. And that alone spoke volumes.

* * *

**++LANCE++**

Corner Joe's that following Sunday was…well, it was awkward. Most of us had shown up to support James so imagine our surprise when he never showed. Our table was at full capacity. I was there, my hand gripping tightly to Kay's as if I ever let go, she'd be the one to die next. Sirius, Remus, and Peter sat at one end of the table, the Sunday edition of the _Daily Prophet _left unopened in front of them. Frank and Alice had showed up and considering I can't remember the last Sunday morning get-together they had attended, I knew they were there solely for James. Keegan was there, her right leg twitching frenetically as if she would rather be anywhere else but there. And Lily was sitting off to the side all by herself, going through the motions of drinking her latte but her eyes showed an overwhelming lack of emotion.

"Where's James?" I eventually asked Lily.

She stiffened and chucked a piece of muffin in her mouth. "Your guess is as good as mine."

I shared a look with Kay, who looked worried. But the way her eyes kept migrating towards Lily, I had a feeling it wasn't James she was worried about.

"How's he doing?" Remus dared to ask.

Lily met his gaze. "Your guess is as good as mine," she repeated monotonously. She pushed back from the table and stood up. "I need another latte. Anyone want anything?"

We all shook our heads in unison and watched her walk away.

"She's not doing so well," Kay sighed, watching her best friend head up to the counter. I had a feeling Lily didn't get up because she wanted a latte but because she needed to get away from the questions and scrutiny.

"He is working himself into a frenzy. He's the first one in the office every morning, the last one to leave. He's skipping lunch, he's jumping at the chance to do any field work with Moody, he's in the training facilities during any of his free time," Frank said with a sigh.

"This shouldn't come as a surprise," Remus pointed out. "He's always been good at pushing the people he loves away from him during tragedy."

"Not this way," Sirius was quick to argue, shaking his head slowly. He looked frazzled, fatigued even. He had bags under his eyes and his clothes were sloppy. And anytime Sirius' clothes are sloppy, you know something is wrong. He always said he had to make sure he looks good when he leaves the house in case he runs into a cute girl. "Yeah, he shuts down a bit and becomes distant. But he doesn't avoid our get-togethers to go work out. He doesn't skip Friday night dinner to finish paperwork. He doesn't let a week go by without at least talking to one of us. He doesn't send daggers at Dumbledore! He's…he's…"

"Scared?" Keegan suggested.

All of our eyes turned to face her. "What?" Remus asked.

She shrugged casually. "His whole world is falling apart around him. And all he wants is a bit of control. So he's putting his whole life into his work because that's something he knows he can do. Dealing with the real world? Not so much."

Silence fell around the table. "Sounds like you know a thing or two about dealing with the real world," I eventually spoke curiously.

She rolled her eyes. "I just know how to read people."

She was lying, but no one commented, busying ourselves with the coffee and scones in our hands. I couldn't talk on behalf of everyone else, but the only thing on my mind was James. I glanced over at the counter and saw Lily lingering, her latte now in her hand but it was obvious she didn't want to head back to the Inquisition.

I found myself excusing myself from the table and headed over to where she was awkwardly hovering. She glanced up at me as I made my way over to her. "Avoiding us?" I said with a strained smile.

She frowned, glancing towards the door. "I was trying to plan my escape," she admitted with a quirked shrug.

"Why'd you show up today?" I asked hesitantly. It wasn't meant to be a harsh question. Just a curious one.

She didn't reply, taking a sip of her latte to stall. She met my gaze and I suddenly saw a mass of anguish flitting about in her eyes. "I don't know," she admitted. "I wasn't planning on coming but when I woke up this morning, everything inside of me was screaming to get over here. Maybe…" she stopped short, pursing her lips.

"Maybe what?"

She shrugged. "Maybe I was just tired of being alone in a dark and empty mansion. Maybe I thought that if I hung out with all of you, I would stop feeling so damned lonely," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "Turns out, it's just making me feel lonelier." Her eyes grazed the table where our friends were sitting. I had a pretty good feeling it wasn't the six of us she was focusing on but the large gaping hole that the empty seat usually occupied by James provided. "But if this is what he wants, then what can a girl do?"

Ah, defensive Lily back in action. I hated that she felt so lost and lonely. When Caleb had died, it was hard showing my vulnerability around Kay, but I couldn't have gotten through it without her. "I know it's tough. He does such a great job avoiding everything and everyone. But even when he doesn't show it, he needs you. Please don't go running from him now. He-"

"I'm not the one running."

I hesitated, nodding slowly. "I know," I iterated, nodding desolately. I could feel the eyes from our friends staring at us, wondering what it was the two of us could possibly have to talk about. I've always really liked Lily. It was hard not to like her. But I wouldn't by any means call her my best friend. The only times we've really ever hung out were either in groups or on a double date. I've never spent much time with her one-on-one nor did I particularly find that strange. Just because she was Kay's best friend didn't necessarily make her mine. But I did grow up with James. So I knew a thing or two about the way he reacted to tough situations. And I just didn't want Lily to be some kind of collateral damage from any sort of blow-up that may erupt out of James one of these days. I could tell she was hurting. But I could also tell she was afraid to hurt. And therefore, she put up this tough exterior. She forced smiles on her face, showed up at these group get-togethers because it's expected, inserted laughs when she deemed it necessary, made a joke here and there so she didn't seem too depressed. But it was the flicker of frustration in her eyes, she way she always glanced towards the door, the extra glass of wine at dinner, the way she would get up from the table numerous times throughout the evenings, the whininess in her laugh that told me it was fake, the unnatural jokes that told me it was all a ruse. A way of making herself feel better when inside, she was desperate for James to be the one to make her feel better. Because he was the one who made that frustration disappear. He made her keep her focus on him and her friends. She didn't feel the need to drink her problems away. Her laugh felt genuine, her jokes felt real. She had always been a someone. And now, it was clear she felt like a nobody.

Eventually, Lily spoke. "Just once, it would be nice to walk in the door at night and have him greet me. Just _once_. Instead, I go home to a dark and empty mansion. Every night it's the same eerie silence. I've stopped wondering when he would get home and started expecting him not to show up by the time I slid into bed. It's depressing."

I wasn't sure what to tell her. Relationships were give and take and it seemed to me that Lily was doing all the giving and none of the taking. "Lily, just remember that he loves you."

She frowned. "I know he loves me," she spoke slowly. "But it'd be nice to know he needs me, too."

He needed her. I knew that. Lily knew that. We all knew that. Except for James. It was like he was in denial of needing anyone in his life except for himself. Then again, could you blame him? So many people in his life that ever meant anything to him were dead. "He does need you," I said hollowly.

She sighed. "Maybe he used to."

"He still does even if he's trying hard to ace like he doesn't," I retaliated immediately.

She didn't respond, clearly not convinced.

"Lily, I've known the guy for almost twenty-two years," I continued when she said nothing. "And it scares me sometimes when I look at the person he's deteriorated into. He doesn't know how to live his own life anymore much less a life that includes the girl he's madly in love with. He's just trying to figure things out."

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of," she muttered almost immediately.

I cocked an eyebrow. "What exactly are you afraid of?"

She frowned, swallowing the lump in her throat cautiously. She didn't respond, sipping her latte before saying softly, "That the moment he finally does figure everything out is the moment he figures out he doesn't want to be with me anymore."

"Never," I said almost immediately, shaking my head. "Lily, that guy has been in love with you since you were eleven-years-old. Since before he even knew what the hell love was. He's not going to give you up. Not now, not ever. So don't let him."

She didn't reply, but there was such a sadness about her I knew she wasn't so sure she believed me. "We should get back to the table," she said, her voice steady and yet hollow.

"Lily," I said, stopping her. "I know that you probably think of me more as your friend's fiancé, but I do know a little thing or two about James considering I grew up with him. So if you ever want to talk, I hope you know I'm here."

She glanced up at me, surprise in her eyes. It wasn't exactly like me to extend such an intimate courtesy to her. "Kay is really lucky to have you, Lance," she said with a sad smile.

I followed her back to the table, all eyes now on me, especially Kay's, but I could care less what they all were thinking. I was more worried about what was happening with Lily. She was slowly starting to come apart at the seams and I knew exactly who to blame. The problem was, James Potter was going through his own turmoil that it was hard for him to even realize how much he was hurting his girlfriend. But if he didn't start realizing that he wasn't the only one in his relationship, he wasn't just going to lost himself, he was going to lose her. And considering I had to hear hours and hours worth of James ranting about Lily Evans during his earlier years at Hogwarts, I knew that he would most definitely look back and regret the way he acted. But it was easy living in the past. It wasn't so easy living in the present. And right now, James was so far out of his element it was certainly not the present he was focused on. It was the future. The unpredictable, scary, confusing future.

Taking one peek towards Lily, I just hoped that that his unpredictable, scary, confusing future still included her in it. Not just for her sake but for his, too. I didn't even want to think what would happen to James Potter if Lily Evans wasn't in his life.

* * *

**++SIRIUS++**

Needless to say, that morning at Corner Joe's was awkward. Very awkward. No one knew what to say or do. We've been here before. The Sunday after Jaron had died, we all met up at Corner Joe's. Except that time, James showed up. Back then, he still needed us. Now, I wasn't so sure.

While my mind was primarily on James, I think that day at Corner Joe's might have been a little more awkward for me because of Keegan. We hadn't exactly left things on good terms the last time we talked. Which was probably my fault for encouraging her to tell me what had happened to her in the past. I, more than anyone, should know never to prod anyone to discuss any turmoil that had been caused in the past. I've been down that road and Merlin knows, I'd rather bury it and move past it. Except it's never that easy. And it had been clear to me that it wasn't easy for Keegan either. So I thought that perhaps I could help her get through it. Apparently, I was wrong.

"Rouge!" I cried out after her as we all dispersed from the coffee shop.

I could tell she froze but reluctantly turned around. "We don't have to do this, Black," she muttered.

"Do what?"

She scoffed. "_You_ know what. The whole I-was-wrong, you-were-right, I'm-sorry, please-forgive-me act. It's already forgotten in my mind."

I frowned. "Liar."

She quirked a defensive eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"It's not forgotten. We both know that."

"Yeah, well whose fault is that?"

I sighed. "I should have kept my mouth shut, Rouge. It wasn't my place to intrude. It was quite _far_ from my place to intrude. Just because you had suggested we might have gone down a similar path of…of heartbreak didn't mean it was my turn to get to the bottom of yours."

"You bet your ass it wasn't," she snapped.

This girl was making it quite impossible to apologize. "I was wrong, you were right. I'm sorry. Please forgive me?" There was a hint of a grin on my face.

I could tell she was fighting a smile. "Fine. You're forgiven. We done here?" She turned her back on me, but I cried after her.

"To be fair, Rouge," I spoke. "You were the one who came intruding on my past first."

She halted, whirling around slowly. "Why must you always push my buttons, Black?"

I cringed. "I don't mean to."

"You're right, I _did _come to you first," she muttered, the tip of her ears turning pink. "And to this day I can't figure out what the hell was running through my mind. I blame my hazy mind on my recent break-up. But that moment has passed. We can go back to being our usual bickering selves."

I frowned. "I'm not sure that's possible."

Her jaw stiffened. "And why not?"

I shrugged, meeting her curious gaze. I chose to tell her the honest truth. "We know too much about each other."

"So what? I would hate to think you're going to start being nice to me because you _pity _me," she sneered.

This conversation wasn't going where I expected it to. "I'm not going to start being nice to you," I retaliated.

She rolled her eyes. "You're not making any sense, Black."

I sighed. She was right. "I know," I muttered, shaking my head. "Can we just…"

"Forget that the past few days happened?" she interrupted pleadingly.

I locked eyes with her, sensing desperation seeping from them. I knew I wouldn't be able to forget what had happened but I could tell she wanted to go on pretending as if she never told me about Tristan. And after the week we had, maybe it was about time I just gave her what she wanted. "Okay," I finally said with a curt shrug. "If that's what you want. But I've got to say, I'm pretty sure that James and Fabian aren't going to forget."

Her eyes narrowed in confusion. "James and I already talked. And…and I'm not trying to make Fabian forget about the break-up," she said slowly.

"I'm not talking about the break-up," I murmured. "I'm talking about Tristan."

She winced and I made a mental note to never mention that name again to her. "Fabian doesn't know a thing about Tristan and I'd appreciate it if you kept quiet."

I froze, realizing pretty quickly that I never did get the chance to tell Fabian about Tristan Moreau. And I never told Rouge about the unfortunate tie that Fabian Prewett and Tristan Moreau shared. Damn, I really wished that James had informed her about Fabian's older brother. "You said you spoke to James, right?" I said softly.

She was looking at me like I was crazy. Which I probably was. "About…" she hesitated. "About his brother, yeah."

I swallowed hard. "James wasn't the only one who lost a brother on that Auror training mission."

She froze.

"Does Darien Prewett ring a bell?"

Based on the alarming terror in her eyes, I had a feeling that it did.

* * *

**++FABIAN**++

I had briefly considered showing up to Corner Joe's but chickened out at the last minute, knowing that Keegan would probably be there. I knew I was being a bit of a coward, avoiding her. But I was so afraid that the moment I saw her, I'd forget all the reasons I broke up with her. And while my thought process may have seemed slightly skewed, I knew it had been the right thing to do. Keegan had a lot to figure out. With herself, with her life, with her relationships. And being with me wasn't helping any.

I was flipping through an archived crime article about Mr. Potter for my own curiosity when there was a knock on my door. I glanced up, confused. I made my way over to the door and glanced through the peephole. I froze when I saw that it was Keegan.

She knocked again and my first thought was to ignore her. But what kind of guy did that really make me? I attempted to compose myself before answering the door. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I finally found my voice. "Hi," I spoke softly. Wow, what a lame greeting.

"Hey," she whispered. She looked like a mess. Not to say she looked bad. She always looked great. But she looked quite frazzled and disheveled which was very unlike her. "Can I come in?"

Without speaking, I opened the door to let her in wondering what it was she could possibly want to talk to me about. Her gaze went directly to the mantel of the fireplace. I knew why. There used to be a photo the two of us there. Now, there was merely a gaping hole.

"You cleaned."

Yeah, because it kept my mind off of you. "I doubt you came here to talk about my maid skills, Keegan," I said, probably a little too coldly.

She sighed, whirling around to face me with a determined glint in her eyes. "Does the name Moreau mean anything to you?"

For the million things I thought she could have said, that certainly wasn't one of them. "_What_?"

"The Moreau family. Does it ring a bell?"

I stared at her, bewildered and shocked. I hadn't heard that surname in almost four years. But I certainly knew who they were. They were the poor family who innocently died so that my brother could die. But I wasn't about to rehash the horrible story of the Moreaus to Keegan. I'm not even sure why she was asking me about them. But whatever story she was writing for the _Daily Prophet_, I wasn't going to be a part of it. "Why are you here, Keegan?" I croaked out, my voice hoarse and weary.

She swallowed hard, slowly and carefully sitting down on the couch in the middle of the room. "The Moreaus had a son named Tristan," she said softly. "He-"

"I know," I interrupted hastily, shaking my head. "And I don't know what article the _Daily Prophet_ is making you write and how you found out that…that I certainly do recognize the surname Moreau, but you can count me out. You can go back to Malone and tell him _no comment_."

I whirled around and stormed into the kitchen, hoping she would take a hint and leave. I don't know why I was so angry. Okay, that was a lie. I did know. Because there was a large part of me that was hoping Keegan showed up tonight to shed some light on exactly what went wrong with us. Instead, she was here to _interview me_. I paced my kitchen floor, counting to ten to attempt to calm down with very little luck. My fists clenched when I heard footsteps behind me but I didn't bother turning around. It would just make me angrier. "Didn't realize you couldn't take a hint, Keegan," I snapped. "But here let me help you. That was me ending the conversation. And me hoping you would leave."

"_Fabian_."

I froze. That one word was filled with so much desperation and guilt, her voice so soft and pleading. A light sob concluded the one word and I turned around slowly, my eyes meeting the tears slipping down her cheeks.

"I'm not here for the _Daily Prophet_," she whispered, her bottom lip trembling. "This might come as a shock to you, but I'm here for you."

She looked so scared, so heartbroken. She didn't bother to wipe the tears from her eyes and instinctively, I closed the gap between us and pulled her into my arms. "Keegan, what's wrong?"

She held on to me tightly, taking a few minutes to even her breathing. Eventually, she stepped out of my arms and glanced up at me. "You were right about everything," she said softly, shaking her head. "I keep myself at a distance from every guy I'm with because I don't know how not to. I do have a past that I'd rather keep hidden because that's easier than admitting some of the things I've had to deal with. I am very guarded and so afraid of getting close to anyone. And every time I do get even remotely close to a guy, it comes to an end. Because it has to. There's no other option for me. Because I…" she trailed off, the words catching in her throat.

"Because you what?" I dared to ask.

She looked up at me, her eyes filled with regret and fear. "Because I was once engaged. And it ended in the worst way possible. So bad that I still haven't been able to get over it."

Well, that was news to me. "You were engaged?"

She couldn't even nod she was so clearly distraught but I saw the answer in her eyes. I wondered why she never told me.

"Do I even want to know how it ended?" I asked cautiously, afraid to hear the answer. I wondered what 'the worst way possible' could be. Cheating? Left at the altar? Left for another woman?

She shook her head but spoke anyway. "He died."

I froze. Well, that was definitely the worst way possible to end an engagement. "Oh, Keegan," I whispered, brushing a strand of hair from her fragile face. I've never seen her this tenuous before. She looked so ready to break, to fall apart. She was always so put together, so strong and confident. This girl standing in front of me wasn't the Keegan Rouge I was used to. And it hit me that this had been what I had wanted when I saw Keegan standing on my doorstep. This tiny bit of closure. This insight into why Keegan had turned into the rigid person she had become. And I wanted to take it all back. I wanted to go back to not knowing. Because I absolutely hated the idea that Keegan had been engaged at one point and lost the love of her life due to a tragedy such as death. No one should have to deal with death at such a young age; but to have to deal with the death of your fiancé, a guy you thought you were going to spend your entire life with? That must have been unbearable for her.

She took a step back, jerking away from my light touch. "Fabian, his name was Tristan Moreau."

I don't know how long I stood there in shock for. My heart beat faster and I blinked a few times, but my head was empty of all thoughts, my face void of any feeling. Keegan stood in front of me, but it was as if I was staring right through her.

When I finally grasped what she had just said, I breezed past her quickly without so much as another word and found my way to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I leaned up against that door, trying desperately to catch my breath and sort my thoughts. I wasn't the type to be caught so off-guard. Being an Auror, you learned to always expect the unexpected. I just never thought anything so unbelievably unexpected could pop out of Keegan's mouth. How is it that the wizarding world could be so vast and yet so small? The fact that Keegan's fiancé died just so that my brother could be one of the real victims a few days later? How was that fair? To me, to her, to anyone?

There was a slight knock on my door a few minutes later. "Fabian, talk to me," she pleaded.

I shut my eyes tightly, letting myself take a few deep breaths in and exhaling evenly before turning around and opening the door again, hoping I looked at least semi-composed. "Sorry, I just…" I trailed off.

"I know," she whispered, her eyes filled with remorse.

I let out a haggard sigh. "So I'm assuming you're telling me this because you know about my brother."

She nodded hesitantly.

"Why do you look so guilty?" I dared to ask. "It was…" the words caught in my throat. I had to wait a few seconds before continuing, "It was your fiancé who died at the expense of _my _brother. If anyone should feel guilty, it should be me."

She shook her head. "No," she was quick to argue. "You and James need to stop blaming yourself. It had nothing to do with you."

Ah, James. Well, that explained how she found out about any of this. "It's hard not blaming ourselves when an entire family of _good people _died just so a few Aurors could be the real target."

She shook her head again, reaching for my hand. It felt like such a natural custom and yet, I was suddenly very aware that she and I were no longer together. "I feel guilty, Fabian, because of what you said the other day."

That didn't really narrow it down. "Er…I said a lot of things."

She hung her head shamefully. "You said you were falling for me knowing that I would never fall for you back," she said hastily. "And you…you were right. But as it turns out, the one thing that has been keeping me from getting close to anyone might have been the _one thing _that could actually have drawn me and you closer. Because you might be one of the few people in this world who could have understood."

On impulse, I reached out and brushed my hand lightly over her warm cheek. "I do," I said softly. "Understand I mean."

She met my gaze and offered me a single nod. "I know."

I wanted so badly to kiss her in that moment. And I could see the lust sparkling in her eyes as well. It took everything within me to restrain myself. Because even though I finally did understand Keegan, it didn't change much. She still had a lot she needed to figure out. Just because she finally talked about what has kept her so guarded didn't mean she was ready to change it. She had already admitted that she hadn't fully gotten over the heartbreak she had had to endure when she lost her fiancé. So I turned my head away, choosing to fix my stare on the lamp in the living room behind her.

She took a step back, letting out a sad sigh. "Fabian, I'm really sorry about your brother."

I gazed down at her, breathing a sigh of relief when I realized that the moment had passed. "I'm really sorry about Tristan."

It was clear she was trying to blink back tears. "I'm really sorry about us," she whispered, barely audible.

My heart skipped a beat as our eyes locked. I didn't respond, uncertain what to say. I could have loved Keegan Rouge. A part of me probably already did. But I knew she wasn't the girl for me. It's like she said; all of her relationships had to inevitably end. She was already engaged once and look how well that turned out for her. Relationships weren't easy for her but break-ups probably were. And that wasn't going to change no matter how much I wish it could. "Yeah," I eventually said. "So am I."

* * *

**A/N: **Well we finally learn the mystery behind Tristan. Read chapter 32 of Kisses on the Balcony for a refresher if need be. And once again we deal with more broody James. Poor James. I just want to knock some sense into him. Clearly so does Lily.

Up next: Dumbledore, singed eyebrows, and more on the expose!


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